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Sirius sighed as the last petal fell on he loves me not. It was useless, tragic really, not once could he get it to land on he loves me, but even if it had been two weeks since he'd started obsessing over that Muggle game, he wouldn't stop until he got the flower's confirmation that Remus loved him back. Sirius always got what he wanted.
But as for that day, he had enough. Sirius was overwhelmed, feeling defeated once again by this new rival. He dropped the flower on the floor and collapsed on the matress dramatically, arm sticking out over the edge of the bed, eyes closed.
It was a coincidence that Remus just happened to walk into the dorm at that moment, his recognisable smell gave him away. Ever since Sirius had been able to transform into Padfoot, he had gained the ability to recognise certain smells, especially those coming from people he treasured. His sense of smell had completely sharpened, and Remus' scent was still his personal favourite, a guilty pleasure. That particular fragance of books and chocolate intoxicated his mind, smiling a bit after feeling his strong presence in the room.
“You. Out of my bed. Now,” he ordered, but Sirius did not move, doing his best not to moan at such demanding tone.
Yet Sirius decided to rise up and stare just for the sake of watching him. Remus was gorgeous, as always. Him coming back from the library was his favourite side, until he remembered Remus reading during Quidditch practices, or Remus studying, or Remus before, during and after full moons. Well, Sirius loved every part of Remus.
His lips formed into a small pout. “Moony, you have absolutely no idea what I'm going through. Now that Evans agreed on dating Prongs he's forgotten anyone else exists, especially me, the closest thing to a girlfriend he ever had! That ungrateful prat. Then Wormy is obsessed with Transfiguration for some reason, and you barely pay any attention to me, you avoid me constantly, do you even love me anymore?”
Remus sighed, changing the book he was holding on his hand to the other.
“I've been meaning to tell you about that. Sorry, I've met someone else,” he said with a hint of a smile.
Sirius smiled back, throwing Remus' pillow at him. It was pointless, as Remus quickly caught it with one of his strong, slender and beautiful hands. The way his veins stood out under his skin and twitched every time his grip tightened made Sirius feel things he shouldn't feel.
Remus proceeded to notice the multiple petals on his bed. “Let me guess, she loves me not again,” he said, throwing the pillow back at him.
Remus thought Sirius was straight, he forgot about that. Funny thing, truly hilarious, thinking a guy that played with flowers and knew every ABBA song by memory was straight.
Sirius still nodded helplessly at that, not correcting him, even if he wanted to. “I'm not discussing any personal heart matters with you, who finds my agony entertaining.”
Remus rolled his eyes at his excessive vocabulary and took long strides in Sirius's direction. He sat on his own bed right next to him, staring intently with those green eyes that drove Sirius mad. In the name of Godric yes, keep looking at me like that.
“Come on, who is she? Is it Mary? Surely not Dorcas, I think she hates you for what happened last week,” he spoke but stopped for a moment. “Merlin,” he whispered. “It's Lily, innit? Prongs will have your head as a bludger.”
Sirius shook his head calmly, but then stopped, thinking for a moment. “Well, I did snog Mary once or twice, but I'm not really into her, y'know?”
Remus was not following, and Sirius knew why: his friend was a hopeless romantic by nature. Even if he wouldn't live to see him admit it, Remus was the sort of person who was moved by hearing Peter say Macaroni penguins mated for life after learning about it in Muggle Studies, it was only natural he couldn't understand how someone could kiss another person without having or developing feelings for them. Remus also didn't know that Sirius was, in fact, a very frustrated homosexual teenager. Not even the posters of naked Muggle-born girls he had hung on the side of his bed just to annoy his mother aroused what Remus aroused in him, and of course, the innocent kisses with Mary were eye opening.
“So who is it then?” Remus asked, puzzled.
Sirius knew that opportunity would never come again, but both of them were friends, best friends, actually. They had a bond he didn't share with anyone, not even James, and if Remus hated him after finding out the truth it would be too painful for him to endure. No. He refused to lose Remus, so he smiled, patting his shoulder and laying in bed again with his chest against the sheets. The sheets smell just like him. Fuck, why must they smell just like him?
He opted for a sarcastic approach. “It's you, it's always been you, oh Remus, love of my life, you've hurt me, you've broken my heart and now you leave—”
“Fine, I get it, you don't want to talk about it, no need to bring Freddie into this,” Remus voiced with a smile, and Sirius turned to face him, grinning, showing off his perfect straight white teeth.
“You prefer Ray Davies? I can do Ray Davies.”
Remus shook his head frenetically, laughing at that. “No, you can't actually. You can't and won't. Don't ruin Ray for me,” he begged with his palms together.
A laugh like that coming from Remus was rare, and Sirius prouded himself in knowing he was the only one that could make it happen.
Or so he thought. During a particular night of the following week after getting he loves me not as an answer again, Peter, Lily, James, Mary and him were in the common room, hanging out and doing whatever they wanted to do with their spare time as usual. James, of course, was snogging Evans, Mary was trying a spell on her nails and crossing out stuff on her notebook once she didn't get the desired result, Peter was practicing for McGonagall's assignment and Sirius was at the edge of collapsing after realising Remus was nowhere to be found, and so was Marlene.
He swallowed dryly, smiling at Peter's failed attempts to transfigurate a chair into a rat. So far, so bad. Nothing was happening, and even if he did find that entertaining for a bit, the clock was ticking, and the two remaining members of the group were still not there. Anxiety ruled over, trying to find comfort on the couch but couldn't, his body was tensing with every minute that passed, and the sounds coming from James and Lily were far too disgusting to ignore. Everything was the worst, and nothing made sense.
As much as Remus was a hopeless romantic, he was also a teenager who valued his best friends and the time he spent with them. He never skipped hangouts, they meant so much to Remus that he got mad when Sirius had missed them two times to make out with Mary upstairs, first time he began to doubt things weren't clicking with girls, second was for confirmation, which he got pretty quickly. Of course Remus didn't explicitly say he was angry, but Sirius knew when his Moony was in a mood, in fact, Sirius knew everything about Remus, which was exactly why seeing that neither him nor Marlene were there activated a feeling of utter panic. He had taken for granted that Remus would always be available and single, it never crossed his mind that after six years of avoiding romantic relationships, he could've finally found someone.
“So... where is McKinnon? Reckon I didn't see her at dinner either,” Sirius asked trying not to sound too panicky but rather just curious.
Mary dropped the feather and looked at Sirius, crossing her arms and legs. “Probably in the boys' dorm,” she said, grinning now. That witch, he knew something hurtful was coming. “With Remus.”
Sometimes he wasn't really sure if telling Mary he had a huge crush on his best friend was the best idea, but that surely gave him the motivation needed to stand up and just go take a look at whatever was going on up there. James and Lily couldn't be bothered, only Peter gave him a confused stare after failing attempt #21 at transfigurating that chair.
“Are you leaving already?” he asked, quizzically.
Sirius stretched his arms and faked a yawn. “I'm pretty tired. Long day today.”
Peter frowned and did not hold a laugh. “Long day?! You skipped class to play with a bunch of flowers!” he replied.
Sirius nodded, dismissing his arguments with his hand and not paying attention to the hurtful nature of the flowers comment. Mary smiled at that, returning to her spells, and Sirius decided to go upstairs, leaving Peter and that poor chair behind.
He started to ascend to the dorm. Every step made him feel like his shoes were made of lead, moving forward was torturing him. What if he found something really horrible? Like, Remus and Marlene kissing, or Remus and Marlene doing what followed kissing, or Remus and Marlene laughing really loudly? The latter seemed to be the situation. His heart sanked, and Sirius immediately opened the door without even knocking, his whole education and manners fading as he walked towards his own bed, not returning the stare his friends were giving to him from Remus' bed.
“Sirius? Is everything okay?” Marlene asked, worriedly.
Sirius was now with one cheek against his pillow, hugging it from below. “Perfectly splendid McKinnon. Thanks for asking.”
That had sounded harsher than he had intended. He was jealous, he'd never been jealous in his life, ever, but then again, he'd never been in love before, and he had never heard Remus laugh like that with anyone else other than him, so in his mind he had solid reasons to be upset. His blood boiled in despair as he felt his purpose as Remus' personal jester was being compromised, as weird as that may sound, it pained him to discover that he could laugh like that with someone else, he couldn't even presume to be the one who got the most laughs out of him anymore.
Besides, Marlene was the best. She was smart, beautiful, hilarious, kind-hearted and a good friend, she had a lot of things in common with Remus, it wouldn't surprise him if he wanted to give her a go, but it would most certainly hurt like hell.
“Marls, I think it's better if you join the others in the common room,” Remus spoke softly.
Sirius knew that whatever was coming for him after Marlene left the room wasn't going to be as gentle. No, Remus always treated Sirius differently, which was fine most of the times, but right now he wished Remus treated him the way he treated Marlene, because if he had to be honest, he was starting to feel sick.
Marlene closed the door behind her after she left, and the two were left alone in silence. Sirius had his eyes closed, yet he could feel Remus' presence in the room, picturing him with his arms crossed, staring at him, basically drilling him with his eyes, that sharp gaze made him afraid to face him. He knew that pretending to be asleep wasn't going to work, so he gave in and sat on the bed, summoning a flower and starting to pull the petals off. Apparently, that had annoyed Remus all the more.
“Are you si— fuck, are you actually going to play loves me, loves me not after what you did just now? What was that all about?” he inquired, frowning, but not raising his voice. Raising his voice was not a Remus Lupin thing.
Sirius did not look at him. The last petal fell on loves me not again. Of course it did, he wondered if Marlene could make it to fall on he loves me. Probably yes. Marlene McKinnon was perfect.
“I'm done. Did you say anything?” he asked, now looking at him.
Remus opened his mouth and closed it again, about to leave. “You are unbelievable.”
With that, he was gone. It seemed to be that the flower was not lying after all, he just didn't want to admit it.
“Chalk,” James spat after finishing his toast.
Sirius looked at him while frowning, starting to devour his Full English. “Chalk? What will chalk do?” he asked, intrigued.
James smiled, spreading marmalade into his second toasted bread. “Think about it, pounds and pounds of chalk, Slytherins enter their dorms, they change, they are about to go to bed and Bob's your uncle-- they are covered in chalk!”
Remus laughed at this, but it wasn't a funny laugh, more of a crude and spiteful one. “An asthmatic person's paradise.”
“Okay, not chalk then, what about dust? Ashes?”
Remus was now frowning, leaving his chocolate cookie down. “How is that any different than chalk you wanker?”
“Oi, don't call me a wanker, prick!” James said, pointing at him with a spoon. “What's gotten into you mate? You've been like this all morning, cheer up! You are the Marauders' mastermind, we need you!”
Remus looked at Sirius fleetingly and grunted, getting up. “I'll be at the library,” he voiced, and took off, limping.
James' eyes were now on Sirius. “Alright, what happened between the two of you, eh?” he asked, suspiciously.
Sirius felt indignated, and quickly raised a hand pressing it towards his chest.
“I beg your pardon? What makes you think— right, look, I interrupted his oh-so-precious moment with McKinnon and now he's all gloomy and grumpy,” he answered.
Peter seemed to recall something from the night before. “You knew Moony and Marlene were upstairs tho, Mary told you.”
James raised his eyebrows with surprise, staring at him questioningly. Bloody Peter. Moments like that made Sirius hate him. “I told you I was tired, I really wanted to lay down. Besides, Moony's birthday is in two days, he hates his birthday, maybe that's what's bothering him.”
James reconsidered for a second, but shook his head. “This one goes deeper. He's not even laughing at my jokes!”
Peter snorted. “You haven't said a single joke today.”
James opened his mouth and closed it again, focusing his attention on Sirius and ignoring Peter completely.
“What I'm trying to say is that you two should talk about it. I will not tolerate any of this behaviour, Lily agrees with me.”
Okay, now that was insane. “She knows?” he asked, quite surprised, and what's more, confused. “When did you talk to her about it? It happened yesterday while you were kissing.”
James shrugged, resting his chin on his hand while his elbow was on the table. “I tell Lily everything. Speaking of which, sorry Wormy.”
Peter went pale. “What did you tell her? James, what did you say?”
Sirius quickly lost interest and noticed Lily and Mary arriving at the Great Hall. No Marlene whatsoever. That couldn't be a good sign. He didn't even say cheers to the girls when he bursted out of there heading towards the library, walking fast at first, then proceeding to run. He could hear the paintings cheering for him, even if they didn't know where he was going exactly. Sirius simply expected to be wrong about his suspicions. He finally arrived, and quickly saw Remus laughing while talking to Marlene. Unfortunately for Sirius, he was right. He thought he would never be troubled by being right, but he was. His chest tightened at the view and breathed in deeply, walking up to them.
“Moony! There you are,” he exclaimed, scaring both of his friends.
Remus turned to meet his eyes, confused by his sudden presence. “I told you I was going to be at the library, what are you doing here?”
Sirius sat down next to him, smiling cheerfuly even if he knew he was making a fool out of himself in front of his best friend/crush and Marlene.
“Well, I wanted to know what you wanted for your birthday, of course! Come on Moony, I know how much you hate presents, so I just wanted to ask y--”
“Sirius, I was talking about something important with Marlene, don't you have some flowers to play with or something?”
That was actually really hurtful coming from him but he ignored the prick of pain within his chest and continued talking. “As a matter of fact I do, actually, but talking to you is far more important at the moment. McKinnon, do you mind?”
She shook her head, awkwardly. Of course she would shake her head, she was too polite to say that she did mind, and Sirius took advantage of that. Remus, on the other hand, was not pleased with this, and turned to face Marlene, putting his hand on hers. Sirius mind went blank, and he felt the air suddenly leaving his body.
“No, stay. He's the one leaving.”
Remus gave him a hard look. Maybe that was for the best. Sirius stood up, looking at Remus for a moment. Their eyes met, but Remus quickly shifted his objective, so Sirius left, walking slowly, faster, stopping, crying when no one was watching, resuming his pacing as the paintings showed sympathy for him. That day, once again, he loves me not haunted him.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOONY!” the six members yelled in unison, surprising the now-seventeen-year-old.
Remus stood beneath the doorframe, blinking repeatedly from the shock. Sirius feinted to get up and greet him, but Marlene was quicker and basically ran over to hug Remus, proceeding to kiss his cheek and making him smile. Sirius instantly looked away, biting his cheek hard on the inside and taking a large sip from his firewhiskey. Well, that scene had been hurtful enough to make him want to spend the rest of the night drunk and crying in the bathroom. Oh to be Marlene.
“This one's from the three of us,” Marlene said while handing him a bag with the letters L/M/M written on it.
Remus gave the girls a quizzical stare as he opened it, his face glowing instantly as happiness struck him, grinning while revealing a hand-knitted maroon jumper. He loved it, and the girls could finally breath out a well-contained sigh of relief. Sirius was the one that had chosen the colour, they came to him to get an opinion and he gladly told them that maroon suited him perfectly. He was secretly waiting to see him wearing it.
“You knitted this? Girls, I... I don't know what to say, thank you,” he murmured with that sweet smile of his, starting to take off the jumper he was already wearing and tossing it aside.
Sirius could spot a a bit of skin of his belly and blushed slightly, looking away and hiding in his drink. He was already feeling kind of dizzy, but Remus' presence was just too much for him to handle sober, especially after the library situation. Things were really awkward between them, they didn't speak to each other, they avoided each other, and didn't even look at each other. Well, Remus didn't.
Some applauses took him out of his toughts and his eyes moved to Remus again, his heart pounding dangerously fast, pulse racing like crazy at the sight. He looked like a star, breathtaking. The size was just perfect. He mentally congratulated the girls for giving him this delightful visual treat. Remus wearing maroon was always meant to be successful.
The firewhiskey helped with the talking. “Blimey Moony, aren't you a handsome lad?”
Everyone looked at him and Sirius blamed his lack of self control with alcohol, but then, when Sirius' eyes met his, Remus was smiling at him, cheeks pink with blush. Time stopped. If he could frame any memory on a wall, that would be exactly the one. Remus Lupin smiling while blushing wearing a perfect maroon jumper was now decorating every room of his cozy yet messy mental palace.
He swallowed firewhiskey like juice after that, not thinking of the inescapable consequences that would have, but that was future Sirius' problem, present Sirius couldn't cope with gay panic, so he drank, a lot.
Remus opened the rest of the presents. Sirius had his hidden, wanting to give it to him later. They played Gobblestones, drank a lot, danced to some songs by The Kinks, Sex Pistols, T-Rex, Queen, ABBA and drank some more. The girls sang loudly to Dancing Queen, Quietus proved to be efficient. Sirius joined in by the second song, too pissed to care about the weird looks his male friends were giving him. Lily had a laughing crisis when she realised he actually did know the lyrics to every song in the vinyl, and James was taking pictures he could use for blackmail later. Everything was going well, until he saw Remus dancing with Marlene and had to drink some more to speed up the process of unconsciousness.
It worked. Sirius went blank soon after that, not recalling the events that led him to be hugging his pillow with his back against the bath. He could still hear music and voices outside the bathroom, so that was a good sign, the party was still going and he hadn't just dozed off until morning. He wasn't feeling particularly sleepy, but he was feeling lightweight, tingling all over. The room was spinning so he couldn't get up. He sighed, laughing and giving up on trying, putting the pillow down on the floor, laying down for a bit.
Honey, Honey grew louder when the door opened. He loved that song. “Pads? Are you okay?” Remus asked, quickly closing the door.
That caring nature of his was also something that drove him bonkers. Oh Moony, give me reasons not to love you will you?
Sirius smiled at his worried tone, and nodded. “Shh, I love this part: and honey to say the least, you're a DOG-GONE BEAAAST!,” he purposely changed the lyrics while smiling and lazily pointing at Remus.
He could see Remus grin a little at that. “I will ignore that you just made a werewolf reference and simply say amazing performance Sirius. Can I?” he asked, pointing next to him.
The black-haired teenager nodded making a weird sign of approval while finishing the song and sat down properly again, leaving the pillow for Remus to sit on it. He was too drunk, that has been settled, but the mental picture of him sitting where his head rested every night was starting to become an interesting concept. Alcohol made him feel extra horny and hormonal.
They were now next to each other, really close. Their arms were touching, and Sirius felt he wanted to kiss him but instead, he rested his head on Remus' shoulder with a tiny smile, smelling his personal scent discreetly so. Chocolate, old books and wool.
“So you're not mad at me anymore?” Sirius asked, tracing his name on Remus' jumper.
Remus rested a hand on his hair and tousled it a little, laughing to himself. “You know I can't stay mad at you for too long.”
Sirius bit his lip, hoping Remus didn't catch that. To hear him say that was a blessing, his voice left him confounded in the most positive way possible. He pressed their bodies closer, hair touching Remus' scarred neck. He could feel him shiver at that.
“Marlene is nice,” Sirius said after a moment of silence.
Remus nodded, his hand still on his friend's hair, caressing it softly. “She's the one you like, isn't she?” he asked suddenly, and Sirius had to do his absolute best not to puke right there.
Instead he laughed, pulling apart from Remus and crawling to the wall next to the bath while feeling the floor spinning with every move. He reached his objective and rested his back there, staring at Remus with glassy eyes, a mix of hate and love for the guy.
“Pads, you know very well I'm not an idiot. The way you interrupt us everytime we're together, how you look at us when we interact is obvious.”
Well it isn't that obvious if you think Marlene is the one I fancy.
Sirius was bored and furious and impatient at the oblivious personality his love interest had, was it really that hard to understand he wanted to be with Remus? Apparently, it was. He was so done with everything that he didn't think things through, so he took out his wand and summoned a flower. Remus didn't say anything.
“Listen closely you twat, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves m—”
“He?” Remus asked all of a sudden, interrupting him with his eyes big as an owl's.
Sirius nodded with a frown on his face, pulling the petals off with a lot of energy and rage, but then when every petal was on the ground and only one remained untouched, he looked at it and some tears started to appear in his eyes. “Of course, what a surprise,” he muttered. “He loves me not again. Brilliant.”
Remus was speechless, he could see it. Sirius quickly and furiously wiped the tears running down his cheeks and breathed, resting his head on the wall, dropping the flower at last. He was far too drunk, far too heartbroken and far too mad to care for anything anymore. Sirius wasn't used to rejection, Sirius wasn't used to crying for someone, and Sirius has never been in love, so now he could actually comprehend why James was so defeated everytime Lily declined his offers, yet he could not see how he kept going for it for six years.
“Who is he?” Remus asked, his voice was actually tender, and soft, and nice, and it made him want to cry some more. Please, don't talk to me like that, I love you more when you do it.
Sirius did not look at him, his eyes remained closed with unshed tears. “It was a joke, I am in fact helplessly in love with McKinnon, her blonde hair and beautiful smile, oh Marl—”
“Who is he?” Remus interrupted, asking again. This time, he sounded desperate, sending shivers to every extremity of his body.
Sirius stared at him this time, first confused at his voice, and now, at his expression. Remus looked scared yet expectant, his eyes bright with hope, scanning every part of Sirius's face. He wouldn't get his hopes up, but if he wanted to know so badly, he would tell him, both were drunk, so it was possible none of them would even remember what happened.
Besides, Sirius was starting to feel sleepy, and ABBA was no longer playing. It was too much for him at the moment, the room was spinning, everything looked distorted and weird, even Remus' silhouette was wavy. He tutted, trying to move even if he felt the floor was made out of clouds and his body was a weightless feather. He confessed, without thinking too much about it. “Moony, it's always been you. Shit, I need to lay down.”
He decided to leave the loo as he could and lay on his bed, without a care in the world, it all felt surreal anyways, like a dream with no actual repercussions. But that wasn't actually a dream, he did in fact confess to Remus, and reality didn't hit him yet.
Morning was a nightmare. The dorm smelled like puke, light was coming in from everywhere, and the hurtful orchestra banging inside his head was enough for him to be in in the most horrible mood imaginable. He sat down, flinching from pain and held his face with both hands, feeling ill.
“I'm never drinking again,” he promised to himself out loud, getting up from bed and forcing his body to the bathroom.
After peeing, he started recalling the events from the night before. It was Remus' birthday party, that much was clear, he drank a lot after seeing him and Marlene together, he danced and sang to ABBA (he would have to erase the evidence from James' camera) and then... nothing, everything went dark. Well, he did remember Remus in the bathroom with him, but he couldn't really work out the scenes nitidly.
He yawned after brushing his teeth and finally took a look at the room. One bed was broken, he didn't know how that happened and-- hey! Wormy managed to give that chair a pair of ears, good for him.
Apparently the girls returned to their room, James and James' broom —lovingly called Broomilda— were gone, probably both to Quidditch practice, Peter was still sleeping (turned into Wormtail) and Remus was not there, what a surprise.
He returned to his bed. It was Sunday, he was not getting up, he refused to leave his bed, nothing would make him get up, not even--
“Sirius,” Remus called.
And Sirius sat up, trying to look cool in his wrinkled clothes and uncombed morning hair, ignoring the headache drilling through his brain. “Hey birthday lad, how's morning treating ya’?” he asked.
Merlin I need water.
Remus stood there, brushing the back of his head. Sirius couldn't help but bite his lip at that, how in hell did he manage to look criminally attractive at 9 o'clock in the morning?
“Good, I didn't drink that much. Listen, we need to talk, can we go somewhere else today?” he clarified nervously.
Sirius raised his brows and nodded, quite lost. “Yeah, sure. Hogsmeade?”
He could've chosen somewhere in school territory, but Hogsmeade was peaceful, he couldn't put up with Hogwarts' chaos that day. He was in the mood for a lot of tea, silence, and Remus, of course.
Remus looked pleased, for some reason. “Yeah, sounds good, meet you there in half an hour.”
He left, limping on his way out. His heart began pounding at the idea, dreamy about the future that awaited him at Hogsmeade. He thought he was being pathetic, yet considered that if being excited for going out with his best friend/crush made him feel that way, then so be it. Sirius quickly began changing, once again, ignoring the buzzing and pain, he had a good resistance to it, Walburga could be thanked for that.
He saw Peter turning back into his human form, rubbing his eyes and looking at him somnolent. “Where are you going?” he asked.
That tiny voice of his was enough to make his head hurt, Sirius finished zipping the jeans Remus got him for his birthday last November and grabbed some money, a ridiculous amount considering he just wanted to drink tea and maybe buy some chocolate for him and Remus at Honeydukes. He took his time to answer, massaging his forehead and temples, staring at his friend.
“I have a date.”
It was a lie, but Peter didn't seem to push the subject any further and laid down again, grunting and whining. Apparenly, alcohol was Wormy's biggest threat aside from Transfiguration.
He couldn't care less about Peter's well-being at the moment though, his brain felt like infinit bells ringing. Besides, his stomach was growling, the idea of having breakfast with Moony was the only thing that kept him out of bed. The things one does for love.
After half-an-hour passed, Sirius quickly caught up with Remus at the entrance of Hogwarts and began to walk to Hogsmeade, he wasn't feeling well enough to apparate. Luckily, Remus seemed to have forgotten about their pseudo-fight, he started talking about the book he was reading, and Sirius didn't mind, he loved it when Remus was passionate about the things he liked.
However, something was different this time. When Remus realised he've been talking for five minutes non-stop, he blushed, hard, clearing his throat. “Sorry.”
Sirius shook his head, still dumbfounded at that new reaction. “I love it when you talk about books, makes the habit of not reading any feel easier, I have you to sum them up for me,” he joked, and Remus smiled at that. God, I'm so in love with you.
They arrived at Hogsmeade, and the first thing he wanted to do was eat, devour anything, drink something. They headed towards Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop, where Sirius ordered a Full English with tea and Remus, predictably, ordered hot chocolate. If anyone saw them, they'd think they were on a date. Sirius liked to think that, at least. In the middle of sipping his chamomile tea, Remus decided to speak.
“You confessed to me last night.”
Sirius chocked on the tea and coughed as he put the cup down on the tiny plate. He could feel his pulse on his ears, now hot meaning he was probably blushing. He swallowed as he could, still coughing a little, wishing the tea wishing the tea had finished him completely. What was he supposed to answer to that?
“Moony, you're probably misremembering, there's no way-”
“You were playing loves me, loves me not again but you said he, so I asked who that person may be, and I remember you explicitly saying that it has always been me. I'm not misremembering anything Sirius, not even the joy I felt when I found out you fancy me.”
Sirius thought he was hallucinating, delusions of a teenage boy in love, still in bed, dreaming after passing out from all that firewhiskey probably. Then, he started to remember, the sensation of calmness he felt when Remus touched his hair, playing with his curls. He remembered his voice, so close he could feel his breath every time he spoke. He remembered the sweet scent of chocolate, the characteristic smell of books, the perfumated wool. He remembered when he summoned that flower, and he remembered when he confessed.
He remembered everything, and suddenly, he wasn't hungry anymore, nor hurting. Most importantly were those words that left his mouth mere moments before.
“But the flower-”
“Oh for Godric's sake Sirius, forget that bloody flower already! You don't need it for me to tell you that I love you!”
Sirius was lost, gobsmacked, flabbergasted. He had to be asleep, he just had to. There was no way this was happening in real life. It was too perfect, too easy, was it always that easy?
“Moony, if Prongs dared you to do this you can stop, really, it's not funny anym–”
Remus stood up from his seat and firmly grabbed Sirius' cheeks, pressing their lips together while leaning forward. Chocolate never tasted better.
Remus pulled back, staring at him, piercing through his soul, stealing it. “I love you. Everything about you. I thought you liked Marlene, when I found out you liked me instead I–”
“I thought you liked McKinnon,” Sirius interrupted.
They both stared at each other in awe, Remus falling back into his chair, both teenagers bursting out laughing, talking, clearing some misunderstandings, they spent hours and hours narrating their side of the story, and that night, when Sirius played loves me, loves me not one final time, he finally got what he wanted, but he didn't need the flower's confirmation now that Remus was there to whisper I love you as he removed the last petal, and tightened the embrace from behind.