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TK walked into the empty apartment… Carlos’ shift didn’t end until this evening. TK felt like shutting down, even the sound the lights were making was becoming too much. TK made a noise, his body swaying back and forth as he turned back off the lights for being too bright and too loud. It was just one of those shifts that made TK painfully aware of every sensory stimuli and by the end, everything had just been too much… every sound, every smell, every light, even every good-intended touch from his team.
All TK wanted to do was scream.
Lou 2 blinked his eyes and looked up from his tank.
“I had a bad day.” TK stroked the glass where Lou 2 was, feeling lighter already. Lou 2 would understand. His lizard didn’t like loud noises or everyone crowding.
“Did you miss me? I missed you.” TK moved away from the tank, reaching for his favourite hoodie that had been left on the couch. TK pulled it on, feeling a wave of relief. The overstimulation that he’d endured was slowly melting away, allowing his brain to breathe. He needed to breathe. TK rubbed his sleeves against his wrists and swayed back and forth, going back to his tank.
“I don’t know why, hoodies just make bad days seem easier.” TK started, looking at Lou 2. His heart filled with overwhelming love. Despite his mild dislike for lizards, he’d always be grateful to his husband for bringing Lou 2 home.
“Rubbing it on my wrists helps… it’s grounding. I’d be lost if my uniform didn’t include a hoodie option.” TK stroked the glass and Lou 2 responded by walking closer to the glass, his face pressed up against it. TK thought he could explode right there with overwhelming love in a way he didn’t think was possible before. He’d only really felt like this with the gecko his Dad let him keep in their apartment growing up. TK had always raced straight to see his gecko… when he wasn’t spending countless hours searching for his little escape artist. He wasn’t sure how they always got out but they seemed to manage it a lot - even Lou 2 had made his fair share of escapes.
“It feels safe when I wear a hoodie… it’s familiar… the smell is also familiar. They always smell of home.” TK opened the lid of the tank and lifted Lou 2 into his arms. He crossed his arms over, letting Lou 2 rest comfortably there. TK hoped this felt as nice to Lou 2 as it did to him. Almost in response, TK felt Lou 2 nuzzle at his chest, resting comfortably and blinking his eyes up at him.
“I use the Austin Fire hoodie too… it doesn’t smell of home. But it smells of the firehouse. The T-shirts are nice, but the hoodie helps more. I think I’d struggle at my job if I couldn’t slip into the hoodie when I needed to. It’s a nice hoodie. I don’t know why the others don’t wear the fire hoodies.” TK breathed in the smell of his current hoodie, focusing on the way the material pooled and hugged at his wrists. The others should wear hoodies more TK decided, nothing felt better than wearing a hoodie.
“This one is my favourite. I think I like yellow. Yellow’s a nice colour. You’re yellow… yellowish. I think you’re more of an orange.” TK mused, trying to keep his arms still as he moved his hand back, using the tips of his fingers to stroke Lou 2 still nesting there. It was strange, usually TK shutdown like this, he didn’t like talking to anyone, closing out everything around him until it all melted away but he didn’t seem to mind talking to Lou 2. If anything, talking to his lizard seemed to be helping him.
“When I was little and had a hard time, my Dad used to wrap me in one of his hoodies. It was always big and soft and smelled just like him, with this expensive cologne he uses. I think that’s where it all started… then we’d sit down and watch 101 Dalmatians together.” TK smiled at the memories. No matter how many times TK had put that movie on during his childhood Owen never seemed bored of it though he probably was each time… they’d even watched it together as a teenager when TK had had his first bad experience with drugs.
“Do you want to watch it with me?” TK asked Lou 2… sitting down on the couch, and tugging Lou 2 up on his chest. Maybe it was a good thing Carlos was still on shift… he was never too fond of TK cuddling his lizard on the couch… or in bed. TK clicked through the Disney Plus subscription until he found the movie, clicking on it and letting the happy sound of dogs fill his living space.
TK kept his eyes glued to the screen in front of him, watching as the dogs filled the room.
“Dad used to take me to the park after school too. When he wasn’t on shift.” TK told Lou 2 watching as Pongo tricked Roger into taking him. His lizard was perched on his shoulder and seemed content to stay there. TK stroked down his spine with his two fingertips feeling content also.
“I was tiny when was I born too,” TK commented watching as Lucky proved to be very lucky. He remembered his Mom’s stories of none of his clothes fitting in the feet.
“Who’d even want a coat made out of puppies?” TK wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I wouldn’t.” The horrifying images of Cruella filled the screen, watching her scheme to buy the puppies just for a new coat.
“I used to ask my Dad what he’d do if he came home and I was kidnapped. He always said he’d find me and punch the guy who did it till he was bloody. Guess he lied… he just shot him instead.” TK felt Lou 2 shift onto his shoulder, coming closer to his neck and smiled. He felt nice nesting there; Carlos really should let Lou 2 cuddle with them more often. TK was sure he’d like it once he got used to having a lizard on him.
“I used to try and do the Twilight Bark,” TK tells Lou 2 as the movie plays out in front of them.
“Look they all got away,” TK said happily as he watched the puppies all rescued and get reunited with Pongo and Perdita. Lou 2 started making his way back down TK’s chest, resting himself on TK’s right peck. TK bent down and kissed the top of his head, stroking his fingers down Lou 2’s spine. He liked how affectionate Lou 2 could be… or maybe Lou 2 also appreciated how safe hoodies could make a person feel. To TK there was something so comforting and calming, wrapped in a safety hoodie, cuddling with his lizard and watching a nostalgic film. Even with Carlos gone he was starting to feel safe and better. He was far more at ease than he had been when he’d first walked into the loft.
“This part used to scare me when I was little,” TK said referring to the chase scene, where to this day TK was certain Cruella was one of the most terrifying Disney Villains ever made. Everything about her was just disturbing and creepy.
“Everyone got home safe.” TK smiled. It was a happy ending for everyone involved… Roger and Anita got more dogs, the puppies were all safe and even TK was feeling better, the feelings of being overwhelmed and overstimulated from his shift had drifted away.
“I think it would be nice to have 101 bearded dragons don’t you think? You could have all sorts of friends.”
TK had lost track of how much time he’d spent resting on the couch, curled up in his hoodie with Lou 2 roaming around his chest. He hadn’t even realised it had reached evening until he heard Carlos’ footsteps outside. Oops, he’d forgotten to eat lunch.
“Babe?” Carlos called out, walking into the dark loft. “I bumped into your Dad in the hallway.”
“Hey, Son.”
“Hey.” TK pulled himself up and reached for Lou 2 who had made his way to the back of the couch.
“Please don’t lose him.”
“I brought Chinese food!” Owen announced, setting down the bag in the kitchen space.
“Thanks, Dad!” TK placed Lou 2 down in his tank, near the basking lamp in case he was feeling cold after all his roaming time.
“How was your shift?” TK asked, walking up to Carlos.
“It was good, eventful. Broke up a fight over KFC.” Carlos kissed his cheek and rubbed his thumb over TK’s wrist.
“Why? Their food is gross… not that this sodium-filled food is any better.” Owen injected. TK shook his head at his Dad’s typical health nut kicking in.
“Yeah, but it tastes so good.” TK sat down on a stand, swaying it back and forth as Carlos removed the plates from the cupboard and Owen started serving the food. TK snatched a pancake roll and nibbled on the ends.
“Did you eat lunch today?” Carlos asked.
“I wasn’t hungry… I’ll just eat loads now.” TK reasoned, rubbing his hoodie sleeve against his wrist.
“You doing okay?” Owen asked, putting down a plate and some food in front of TK.
“Yeah, I’m doing okay.” TK dug into his chicken chow mien eagerly and reached for a dumpling.
“I was worried. You didn’t seem yourself after work.” Owen commented. Carlos looked over at TK using his cow eyes. Damn soulful mesmerizing eyes that could pull anything out of TK and get him to melt down on the spot.
“I was feeling overstimulated. But I’m feeling better now. Me and Louis The Second watched some TV together.”
“That would be why you didn’t text back.”
“Or why you skipped lunch,” Carlos added, referring to TK’s terrible habits of recognizing when he was hungry.
“Yeah, sorry.” TK checked his phone and grimaced, noting indeed he’d missed three texts from his Dad checking in on how he was doing. No wonder he’d made the journey over with some of the Chinese food he wasn’t fond of.
“But I am feeling better now,” TK repeated with a smile, hoping to assure everyone, digging more into his food. He really had been hungry he realised. TK felt safe and contented and at ease… deciding Chinese food had been the perfect ending. It was safe food, it was familiar food, and most important… it was food his Mom brought him when he was sad.