Chapter Text
Bo-Katan was weary.
Not an unusual state for her, only this was a different kind of exhaustion, one she felt not only in her body and her mind, but in her very soul.
She’d been so busy these past few weeks, with the organizing and rebuilding efforts, she hadn’t stopped long enough to really acknowledge what she was feeling.
Now, she sat alone on the surface staring out at the still barren landscape of Mandalore. The stillness of the night, the hazy atmosphere above blocking out the stars, the near silence leaving too much space inside her head. It was that hollowness which had allowed the deep weariness to take hold, and along with it a tidal wave of emotions.
Joy and hope, grief and sorrow, anger and bitterness, all tangled together in a jumble she was not yet ready to unravel. However, it was her loneliness that pierced through the haze and the exhaustion, so sharp it nearly consumed her.
It was stupid. Her rational mind knew that. Below her an entire civilization, reborn from the ashes and steadily rising, teamed with life. Full of people, Mandalorians, both young and old, some she counted among her closest friends, others she’d yet to meet. All working to rebuilt their world, to carve out a new home, a new civilazation.
For the first time in so very long, she was surrounded by her people. Yet she’d never felt so alone. Not when Axe had taken the fleet and left her on Kalevala, not when her sister was killed by Maul, not even during the Night of a Thousand Tears.
And she knew why.
Even if she’d refused to acknowledge it before now.
Despite retaking Mandalore, defeating Gideon and bringing her people together, she longed for another time and place. Another life even.
She longed for the shining blue of hyperspace racing by while Grogu played in her lap. She longed for the nights at the Covert, side by side with Din in their small alcove talking for hours when they should’ve been sleeping. She longed for days spent with Din’s steady presence and Grogu’s persistent joy. She longed for the quiet moments they’d shared, and the chaos and adrenaline of their misadventures.
She just, missed them.
When Din had formally adopted Grogu and taken him as an apprentice, she’d known they would have to leave. She understood it, accepted it even. She’d thought they’d stay in touch, that they’d visit, or perhaps she’d be able to visit them between missions.
That was until Din left without so much as a goodbye.
It hurt more than she'd expected, but it also infuriated her. They were a unit, the three of them. Din had pledged himself to her, and though she hadn’t said it aloud, she’d done the same for him. And both of them were pledged to Grogu. He felt like her own child, and his absence was a physical ache, that nothing could cure.
Bo-Katan stood abruptly kicking at a pile of rocks as she shouted curses toward the sky. It wasn’t the first time she’d cursed Din Djarin, and it wouldn’t be the last.
Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, allowing several tears to slip down her cheeks. Her angry outburst had done nothing but press on her already bruised heart.
“Lady Kryze, I thought I might find you here.”
Startled by the voice, she hastily wiped at her wet cheeks, straightened her spine then turned to face the other woman.
“Armorer, what can I do for you?” She asked, trying to keep the tremble from voice.
The Armorer approached, her voice steady as she spoke.
“No need to hide from me. I see you Bo-Katan Kryze. I see your struggle, and your resilience, I see what, or rather who, ails you. I see what you do not say.”
Bo swallowed hard, then allowed her shoulders to slump.
“I’m that obvious huh?”
“I would not say that. You do an admirable job of hiding. In fact, I suspect that few, if any, have noticed.”
“But you did.”
“I did.” She confirmed.
Bo studied the Armorer, not for the first time trying to understand the woman behind the helmet. There was not one other person on Mandalore she respected and admired more. She wouldn’t exactly say they were friends, though perhaps they were something like it. She’d been equally intrigued and wary of this woman for most of her time with Din’s covert. It was only after she’d insisted Bo could walk in both worlds, and unite their people that Bo had realized just how much she’d wanted the Armorers approval.
“Sometimes I think you are a mind reader. Are you certain you aren’t of a telepathic species?” Bo asked with a hint of teasing in her voice.
The Armorer laughed, “perhaps somewhere in my lineage there is.”
It was an outright lie, as the Armorer’s Mandalorian blood was as pure as Bo’s own, but she appreciated her humour, it eased her loneliness if only for a moment.
“Was there something you needed?” She asked again.
“Nothing urgent.”
Bo understood what she was not saying, understood by some unspoken aura that the Armorer had sensed her need, had come to offer Bo some refuge if she chose to accept.
She turned, unable to look at the Armorer as she quietly admitted, “I haven’t really let myself miss them.”
“Why is that?”
“There hasn’t been time. I’ve been working so much,all of my energy has been on the rebuild effort.”
“I see. And are you certain you are not overworking yourself precisely to avoid what you are feeling? I imagine working sixteen hours days, eating little and sleeping less leaves minimal energy for much else.”
Bo bit back a swear, because of course the Armorer knew. She always knew.
“If I allow it, the feelings might just swallow me whole.” She whispered, another tear slipping down her cheek.
The Armorer made no comment, not yet, so Bo continued.
“Why didn’t he say goodbye, or at the very least allow me to see Din Grogu before they set off? He hasn’t once tried to make contact, not even a simple transmission to say they are safe. I do not understand. I don’t begrudge them the trials, that is the Mandalorian way. But I thought, well, I don’t know what I thought…” She trailed off, unsure exactly how to finish.
What had she thought? That he’d keep her informed, let her know they were safe every now and then. Perhaps allow her to speak to Grogu over holo messages so she could see his sweet little face. All of that and more if she was honest with herself. She’d thought she meant something to Din Djarin, that he cared for her the way she did for him. Thought that they were bonded, their songs intertwined, in some way they’d not had a chance to define. Thought that just maybe there was a chance they could one day be a real family. A clan of three.
When Bo looked at the Armorer, the woman lowered her helmet in acknowledgement.
“I see.”
There she was again, reading Bo’s mind.
“I have known Din Djarin since he was just a small boy. Though I do not pretend to know his every thought or understand his every action, I believe that he feels much as you do. Perhaps he has not yet fully accepted it, or has not reconciled it with his beliefs.”
“What do you mean?” Bo asked too eagerly, desperate for any insight.
“As you know, Din Djarin was a foundling. Even as a youngling he was determined to prove he belonged despite having no Mandalorian blood. Our covert cared not about his lineage, that is not our way. We believe one is Mandalorian if one chooses to walk the way. Din chose to walk it, more devoutly than most. However he never lost those childhood insecurities.”
Bo thought she saw where this was going, though she dared not interrupt.
“I do not often speculate, though for this I shall make an exception. I believe Din Djarin may still be fighting those demons. Thinking that he is unworthy, that he is not enough of a Mandalorian, that he does not deserve the affections of someone of your lineage and station.”
“That’s stupid. Din is the best of all of us. He is the reason we’re here.” Bo stated, gesturing around them. “The reason the different clans are able to coexist, the reason Moff Gideon did not end my life. The reason we were able to retake Mandalore.”
“You need not convince me of the man that Din Djarin is. I know already. However, you may find that you will need to convince him. If you are willing to do that, I believe all you wish for can come to pass.”
Bo let the Armorer’s words sink in, along with her insinuations and insight.
“How? I don’t know where he is, and patience has never been my strong suit.”
Once again the Armorer chuckled.
“That I have witnessed for myself Lady Kryze. Though I do believe it is as much a strength as a weakness. All things in balance. As to your other query, you might find it simplest to let your heart guide the way.”