Chapter Text
Jiang Cheng collapsed to his knees on the docks, watching Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and Wen Ning row away through blurred vision. His head was spinning. All of his accomplishments, everything he had done, it was all Wei Ying. He was right to have thought that he would never be as good as his brother. After years, he had finally begun to feel worthy of his title as sect leader. He had finally become proud of his accomplishments. Even worse, Jiang Cheng had finally started to believe that he was making his parents proud.
None of that was true. Despite his best effort, it was still Wei Ying who was the one that deserved praise. It was still Wei Ying, the prodigy, who out shadowed him. When they were younger, Wei Ying had told Jiang Cheng that he would follow him. They were supposed to be the twin heroes of Yunmeng.
Jiang Cheng sat there, head spinning, as he wept silently, shoulders shaking with his sobs. He was worthless. He would never be good enough.
He was in such a daze that he barely reacted to the gentle hand on his shoulder or the way it began to rub his back comfortingly. Jiang Cheng was too in his own head to even begin to consider the world around him.
"Jiang Wanyin?"
The soft, smooth voice shook him out of his trance. Startled, Jiang Cheng pulled away, shooting a nasty glare at whoever dared to watch him in such a state. It was Lan Xichen. He was crouched down beside Jiang Cheng, his expression one of concern.
"Are you alright, Sect Leader Jiang?" He asked cautiously.
"Of course I am. Go back inside. Don't you know how to mind your own business? Doesn't the Cloud Recess have some sort of rule about that?" He spat defensively, practically raising his hackles like a cornered animal.
Lan Xichen smiled softly, a little amused by that.
"I am not here to upset you more. It is only that this one does not wish to leave you alone in such a state." He replied calmly.
"I don't need your pity, Lan Xichen!" Jiang Cheng snarled.
Still remaining calm, Lan Xichen settled fully down onto the docks. He sat beside the other man, looking forward to the water. He saw the boat slowly drift away, Wei Wuxian slouched against his brother, Lan Zhan.
"Wei Wuxian has always been this way," Jiang Cheng found himself continuing. "He's so selfish, never considering how his actions will affect others. No matter what I do, he always has to one up me. He always finds a way to be better than I am. It's like I'm supposed to feel indebted to him for all of his sacrifices but what about the sacrifices that my family made for him? They sacrificed their lives and now I'm supposed to be grateful to him just because he… it doesn't matter."
"Jiang Wanyin," Lan Xichen whispered. "Whatever it is that he has done, you don't owe him anything. The choices that your brother made are his own. They are not your burden. What happened to your family… I will forever be sorry. No one should have to experience the loss that you did."
Jiang Cheng said nothing. Lan Huan took his lack of fighting as permission to continue.
"What you have done with Lotus Pier is an unbelievable accomplishment. When the Cloud Recess burnt down I had everyone to help me rebuild. But you? You had to do it on your own, and I have never had the chance to tell you how much I admire you. Do not downplay your own accomplishments, because there are many. It is easy to see someone like Wei Wuxian and see yourself as beneath them. The challenge is to realize your own worth, and I understand that it is harder to see that worth when you feel as if you are living in someone else's shadow but it is no less important."
"You… admire me?" Jiang Cheng repeated softly.
"En. I do."
Jiang Cheng was silent for a moment before rising to his feet and bowing towards the other man.
"Thank you, Sect Leader Lan. I will consider your words. Please go enjoy the rest of the banquet. I will be retiring to my room."
Lan Xichen nodded, "I will see you in the morning. Rest well, and consider what I have said."
He did consider it. Jiang Wanyin stayed up all night considering it. He tossed and turned, trying to relax his mind and fall asleep, but the interactions kept playing over in his mind. First, the one he had with Wen Ning. Of course he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about Wei Wuxian and how he had given him his core, but what surprised him was that his mind kept slipping back into the comfort of Sect Leader Lan's reassuring words. If it weren't for the clan's strict rules about lying, Jiang Cheng would have taken Lan Xichen's words as fake, only said out of pity. The thing is, he knew that Lan Xichen was not one to lie, which meant that he truly did admire him. Lan Xichen, who was perfect, pristine and calm like water in a still pond, admired Jiang Cheng.
After hours of tossing, turning, thinking and mumbling, Jiang Cheng finally fell asleep.