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The world was changing, and no matter what I did, it was inevitable. My own demons attacked me every day and night when I closed my eyes, and I didn't even know how to counter them. I fought him and tried to win, for the one person who still keeps me alive, for Y/N. my hope. She was with me in every bad, catastrophic and even the worst moments. If she wasn't there, I wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for her, I would have given up already, but I'm fighting for her. Even though I don't have the strength. Maybe it's stupid, but this is not how I imagined my life - I just wanted to decide my own fate.
Y/N, oblivious to my thoughts, was sitting across from me in the library, pondering over her Slughorn Potions homework. The old man favors a lot of people, unfortunately we are not among them, so he demands more from us. Fortunately, there is no problem with that: potions are one of the easier subjects. If she knew how the world was changing, she wouldn't be sitting around doing a task so innocently.
Not being able to think much about it, I jumped up from my seat.
- Draco, where are you going? she asked.
How I would like to defend her from the world, but I can't even defend myself.
"Get some air," I replied quickly, grabbing my things with me.
I walked down the hall to where she kissed me for the first time. It was in my fourth year, right after I asked if she would be my Christmas prom date.
This is how I reached the astronomical tower - the place where we met. I felt the air hit my skin as I stood at the railing. It was high. If I had jumped, I would have spared her worries after what was about to happen. I'm sure she won't want to know me again, if she remembers at all. I'll help her forget.
I started to slowly move my legs to the other side of the railing. The wind blew on my shirt and I made decisions. My life and my downfall bring as much gain as loss. We're all going to die anyway, why can't I decide and do it now? I cannot control life, but I would be the master of my death. The one answer that kept me in this world was her.
My foot slipped off the railing and a few stones from the castle wall crumbled, falling into the abyss that is above me. I closed my eyes and clung to the railing more slowly. I walked back to the other side, getting as close to the wall as I could and dropping to the floor.
Running away was a sign of weakness, but beneath my façade, that eternal arrogant and conceited mask, I had no strength left. It's hard for me to admit it, even to myself, but I'm weak. I'm pathetic and hopeless with my problems. I am the problem. Life almost killed me. Almost...
I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I didn't even hear him come in through the rush of my thoughts. I looked into her eyes and they were fixed on my hand. The sleeve must have rolled up from the gust of wind. Instantly I felt my body tense up and I was left alone. I had nothing. Even she will turn her back on me.
Yet she was still standing there. She looked from my tattoo to my eyes. And she made the most unexpected move - she hugged me and I felt myself start to cry harder, I didn't even notice when I started. I laid my head on her white shirt and froze there.
- You don't think I'm a monster? I asked, after a moment my voice cracked and hoarse from crying.
"If I did, I'd have to feel the same way about myself."
She said in her gentle voice and rolled up her sleeve showing the snake entwining her skull.
And then I understood that each of us had our own personal demons and we all overcame them. We were lucky to be in this time. I had to stay for her and she for me. Us against the world.