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“You were right,” he said. “I did love you, and that red dress was intoxicating, as were your kisses in the hallway at that pub.”
A Visit to 1941
Steve knew he shouldn’t keep looking for her everywhere, but he couldn’t wait to see her again. He didn’t know where he would find her, but he also didn’t want to make the wrong choice about his path, and choose one where he never saw her again. He also knew he shouldn’t make all his choices around seeing the woman he loved again. He should just live his life, follow whatever path life led him on, and hope she would turn up.
But he also couldn’t get Peggy Carter out his mind, or her kiss, her big beautiful brown eyes, her voice and her sweet accent, and the way her body felt against his.
He would find her when he was supposed to. He let her memory fade into the back of his mind like a beautiful dream, and kept moving forward, enlisting in the army - or trying. Bucky shipped off to the front lines, and for the first time, Steve was alone. He couldn’t help but think of Peggy then, when he didn’t have his best friend to distract him, or trying to set him up on dates. He had always hoped one of the dates would be Peggy, but none of them were.
Peggy Carter reappeared in his life when he least expected it, on his first day of basic training at Camp Lehigh. She marched out onto the field in front of the SSR recruits with authoritative confidence - the conviction and ferocity that he hadn’t seen in the post-war time traveling Peggy who had melted at the sight of him, who had lost him. This was the Peggy who hadn’t fallen in love with him and lost him yet.
“Gentlemen, I’m Agent Carter.”
Agent? His beautiful Peggy was a SSR Agent? Steve loved her even more for it. Strong, confident, no nonsense, intelligent…and kind and so, so beautiful. This Peggy was the girl of his dreams, the one who had haunted his memories for years, the one who loved him more than anything.
Her gaze lingered on him, but not in the sweet, loving way she had looked at him that day years ago. He smiled, trying to make a connection with her. She turned her gaze forward and moved on.
Even though he had kissed her and made love to her, Steve was a nervous wreck to sit with her in the backseat of a car. She was kind underneath her tough exterior, and she finally let him see that part of her - a glimpse of the sweet woman he had loved for a day.
There were times when she seemed as taken with him as he was with her, like she noticed his heart and like she believed in Erskine’s choice, and in him - that he could do great, noble things. No one had ever looked at him like that. The first moment was when he protected the regiment from the grenade, and the second was when he found an unconventional way to capture the flag to ride with her back to base instead of running with the rest of the guys. Even with his physical limitations, she thought he was intelligent. Maybe she thought he was a ridiculous choice and he was interpreting her glances in the wrong way, or maybe she cared about him. He certainly hoped she cared for him.
Peggy had been right about one thing, that he didn’t know how to talk to women, even one he had kissed and already adored. He desperately tried to hide the fact that he was head over heels for her, so that he wouldn’t stare longingly at her, so she wouldn’t think he was absolutely hopeless and sappy. He thought the serum would give him confidence in that department, and perhaps it gave him a boost. Perhaps the boost was just in attractiveness and sex appeal. The way she looked at him, completely speechless, as he emerged from the capsule, wasn’t lost on him. For the first time, their attraction to each other was clear. Steve finally believed that it was almost time to make his move. The moment he had promised future Peggy that he wouldn’t let pass by.
But he never saw her in a red dress.
“When you meet me again, promise me you won’t be too shy. Make sure you kiss me - her - more than once. That night you see her in a red dress, make sure you follow her out of the pub. I wanted you to come after me, ask me on a date, and kiss me in the hallway. I wore that dress on purpose because I knew it would drive you wild.”
He hesitated, and his career path took him away from her, on the USO tour across the country, and then to Europe - to Italy. Peggy found him again, and he was as mesmerized by her beauty as ever, and she was even softer and kinder than he remembered. She even disobeyed orders and helped him track down Bucky. She was heroic, strong, brilliant, kind, and perfect to him.
Bucky looked from Steve to Peggy, and definitely noticed how they looked at each other. Later he found Steve in his tent. He sat down at the desk and faced Steve on his cot.
“Agent Carter - she’s that girl from a couple years ago. The one who loved you.”
Steve nodded, and stared off into space. How could he explain? “That’s her.”
“You gotta make your move, Steve. Do you still love her?”
He nodded. “I’ll always love her. But I don’t think she recognizes me, Buck.” To Bucky, it would sound like time was linear and of course Peggy wouldn’t recognize him after the serum with his height and muscular differences. But Steve of course meant that Peggy wouldn’t know him from the future because it hadn’t happened yet.
“Yeah, you do look different. But you haven’t had issues getting dates with those USO girls, have you? How could she say no if you asked her out?”
“I haven’t tried to get dates,” Steve said.
“Steve! Why not?”
“Because I only love her.”
Bucky sighed. “Make your move, then, before someone else does.”
“I will, I will.”
They moved the operation to London, and they planned the next moves to track down Red Skull and take down Hydra. Time was running out, and he knew Bucky was right. He had to tell her how he felt.
✦✧✦✧
Steve Rogers’ lingering gazes weren’t lost on Peggy. She often wondered what he was thinking, before and after his transformation. Did he find her attractive? Did he have a crush on her? Peggy had to admit to herself that even before the serum, she thought Steve was handsome and adorable, and she rather loved that he stared at her in awe - at her strength, at her intelligence, at her beauty. She didn’t mind the admiration from him; he was shy and sweet. He didn’t have the expectations that other men had when they looked at her, like she would give into them and let them take her to bed. Steve didn’t look at her like that, even after the serum, and was always respectful and kind.
She admired that he grew more confident in his strength, his physicality, and even his worth after the serum, but it didn’t change his sweetness, his heart, or his naiveté. He had grown even more attractive, as his build and body caught up with the handsomeness of his face. Perhaps she had let her own gaze linger on him too. Perhaps she had a crush on as well. Perhaps it was more than a crush.
She wasn’t planning to pursue a romance with Steve Rogers. Well, at least until after the war and they had time to date, or go dancing like he’d mentioned in the car ride. But it wouldn’t hurt to flirt a little, to plant the seeds of attraction, to make him start to want her.
✦✧✦✧
Steve found himself in a bar with Bucky and the rest of the Howling Commandos, and suddenly all the heads began to turn toward the door. He and Bucky followed everyone’s gazes and gasped. Peggy stood in the doorway in the most gorgeous red dress he had ever seen. It hugged every curve, and accentuated her voluptuous figure. She wore this for him, to attract him. She was intoxicating. He felt the air leave his lungs as she approached him, her eyes on him, her red lips curving into a seductive smile. She knew exactly the effect this was having on him. She gave him orders for the morning and he nodded.
She visibly cringed when the commandos began to sing.
“You don’t like music?” Bucky asked.
Music? This was hardly music. Drunken shanties by a ragtag group of soldiers? But not music.
She answered him, but her eyes were still on Steve. His cheeks were hot, and he hoped he wasn’t blushing from her attention. “I do, actually. I may even, when this is all over, go dancing.”
With him? She wanted to dance with him? Of course she did. This was the moment she told him about, that she wanted him to follow her, to ask her out. Peggy would want to dance with him. She loved him! The gorgeous woman before him loved him - and he still could hardly believe it.
“Then what are we waiting for?” Bucky asked, prepared to take her to the dance floor himself.
Peggy smiled at Steve. “The right partner. 08:00, Captain.” Then she turned and walked out of the bar.
Steve gulped and glanced at Bucky, who was baffled that once again, a woman had passed over him for Steve - even a woman whom he knew loved Steve.. He couldn’t lose his chance. The time had come to make the move.
He followed her out of the bar and found her in the hallway, leading to the pub, the tables and chairs nearly empty due to the late hour.
“Agent Carter?”
“Captain?”
His eyes traveled down her body as he approached her. “Are you doing anything, or going anywhere tonight?”
“I was going to go to dinner.”
“May I buy you dinner or a drink? Or take you on a date?”
Peggy nodded, “You may.” She offered him her arm. “Shouldn’t you be turning in soon due to your early morning?”
Steve shrugged. “I should. But…you are so beautiful,” he said. “If you don’t mind me saying so.”
Peggy smiled at him. “Thank you. I don’t mind. So, dinner?”
Steve took his arm and led her toward the exit of the pub, and opened the door. They were about to step out into the street when Steve pulled her back. It was pouring.
“Well, we could stay here and eat in the dining room; the guys will stick to the bar and won’t mind us.”
She nodded. “That would be fine.”
The close proximity to her in the doorway overwhelmed him as he looked down into her eyes. He hadn’t been this close to her since that day in 1941, when he’d kissed her. He glanced down at her inviting, perfect red lips, and leaned in. He would have stopped himself, and he could have waited to kiss her goodnight, but Peggy leaned in too, and reached up to cling to his sleeves. When their lips met, he felt his entire soul set aflame for her, and he immediately reached for her waist, pulling her in closer, kissing her deeper. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned into him, pressing her body against his chest as they kissed and kissed. He had waited years for this, to hold her again, to show her how much he missed her, how much he loved her.
It was Peggy who pressed him against the wall in their passion, which surprised even herself. She wasn’t sure what had come over her, and why she had allowed herself to kiss Captain Rogers, and why she had allowed herself to give into her emotions. But Steve was as passionate and tender as she had hoped he would be, when she’d daydreamed of what it would be like to kiss him. She had caught herself in that daydream too many times, and wondered how it would feel to be held in his strong arms, pressed against his muscular chest, his lips on hers. She felt safe and secure and loved in his arms.
“P-peggy,” he whispered against her lips. “I’m in love with you.” He had to tell her now or else there wouldn’t be time. He didn’t want to die without her knowing how he felt.
Peggy pulled back. “Y-you are?”
He reached up and stroked her cheeks. “I am.”
Peggy smiled. “I love you too, Steve.”
She leaned in and kissed him again, and pulled him with her to the pub dining room. They didn’t notice Bucky and Dum-Dum Dugan peeking around the corner, who then grinned at each other, excited that Steve had finally pursued the girl he had been yearning for. Peggy and Steve sat at the table in the pub - or rather, Steve sat on the bench, and Peggy sat on his lap with her arms around his shoulders, his around her waist - and they were kissing again. All the hesitation he felt before was gone and now their kisses were hungry, deep, passionate, with tongues invading and lips eager for more. These were the kisses Steve had longed for since Peggy had left him in 1941, and since he first saw her again, especially since the serum had turned him into a taller, more muscular dreamboat (as the USO girls had called him). Now he could hold her like she should be held, and protected - not that Peggy Carter needed protecting, but he wanted to at least feel like he could if she needed it.
She felt even better in his arms now than that day in his Brooklyn apartment, now that he knew her and now that he really loved her. In 1941, she had shocked him with her affection and her sweetness, her kisses and her willingness to hold him, and who was he to deny her love - but now? Now he understood.
The attraction, the heat that built between them, the tension, his entire soul ignited with love and need for her, his heart craving her closeness - it was all more than he ever expected. He had no idea he could feel this way about anyone, that this kind of love was possible. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her love, but he would never deny her anything.
“We lost you at the end of the war - in ‘45, and I just can’t handle not seeing you ever again.”
Her words echoed in his memory as she devoured his lips in kisses. They were running out of time. This very well could be all he had. He was always running out of time, and he resented his fate and he resented knowing that this was a star-crossed love affair. So much for burning passion, this love affair was going to fizzle out before they could even begin.
And yet, he couldn’t help the words that poured from his lips with his kisses. “I love you, Peggy, I adore you. I’ll do anything for you. I just need you to know.”
And gorgeous, sweet Peggy replied, “I know, darling, I love you too. I am yours, Steve. No matter what happens, I am yours.”
“All I want is you, Peg. The rest of this doesn’t matter. Only you. As long as I have you, we can do anything. We can face anything.” They should have run away together and avoided the war altogether, just to be together. He wouldn’t have become Captain America, but at least they could’ve had a chance together - a future!
And yet, as much as he knew that this passion would have to die out, he wanted her to know he would love her until the end. Maybe they would end in tragedy, but he would always love her.
“I know, darling. You’ll always have me. I’ll always love you.”
That part, Steve truly believed. No, he wouldn’t always have her, but he knew it was true that she would always love him. It made this mean so much more - to hold her, to kiss her senseless. These weren’t things one should say on a first date, but it didn’t even matter. He loved her, and he didn’t want to withhold these feelings from her. Steve wasn’t sure how long he had left. Days? Weeks? Months? Before he was lost, he needed her to know how he felt about her. At least, when he was gone, at least she would have this. She would know that he’d loved her too, and perhaps that knowledge was something to hold onto and to remember.
The kisses made him feel drunk, at least what he remembered of intoxication before the serum. This was the closest he’d ever feel again, and it was even better because he was drunk on her. Wow. Steve had to pull back and just rest his forehead against hers, to catch his breath, to level his head. He was dizzy on loving her. “You are…you are perfect. An angel. The most beautiful and most amazing woman who has ever lived.”
Peggy laughed. “I don’t know about all that, but I love you for saying so.”
“I love you so much; I have since the first time I saw you.”
Another musical laugh from Peggy. “On the field at Camp Lehigh?”
“I loved you then,” Steve confirmed, even though he knew it wasn’t the first time he saw her.
“You are a darling, Steve.” She reached up and stroked his hair. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve your love like this, to make you feel this way about me, but I love you too, sweetheart.”
Steve shrugged. “You believed in me, you treated me like a person, you cared for me. How could I not fall?”
Then Peggy was kissing him again, her hand at the nape of his neck, pulling his mouth deeper into hers. God, this man knew how to kiss her just right, and knew where to put his hands in a way that both revered her and respected her, but also made her feel like she was craved and desired, like she would come undone if he only shifted his hands lower or higher.
She couldn’t stop herself from wondering what it would be like if she took Steve home with her and to her bed. Would he turn back into her shy sweetheart who fumbled around women, or would he take her with passion and desire? Peggy hoped for a combination of both.
But she couldn’t ask that of him. He may be kissing her with hunger, but it would be improper to ask him to bed her.
Unless she married him. Which, she would instantly, if he asked. And of course he would ask after the war. They loved each other this much, so of course they would marry. So what did it matter if she waited to sleep with him or not?
“Darling,” she said softly. “Darling, come back to my room with me tonight.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m sure.”
He kissed her again. “If that is what you want, then of course I will.”
She slipped off his lap. “It’s what I want. I want you. Shall we go, then?”
Steve gulped and rose to his feet, his arms wrapping around her waist. He kissed her forehead. He looked out the window. “It looks like the rain has stopped. Shall we stop for dinner on the way?”
Peggy had completely forgotten about food, but she nodded. They stopped by another pub on the way back to her apartment, ordered sandwiches and drinks away from the prying eyes of anyone who might know them, and then found themselves eating quickly because all they wanted to do was to put their hands and lips back on each other.
Soon they found themselves in Peggy’s room, clothes discarded, and wrapped in each other. She was more stunning than he remembered, and he finally felt worthy of her, like he’d earned her love, and this wasn’t just a quick tryst in his bed. This was love, real love.
He also knew this would be their only night together, so he had to savor each moment. The end of the war was approaching, and with that, Steve knew he’d be lost. He also knew he had to go down fighting - and he had to steal the moments he could with Peggy - between bookshelves, after dinner, in deserted hallways - to keep their relationship a secret. A woman - Lorraine, he believed her name was - approached him once and flirted, and he quickly backed away and found Peggy instead, where Howard Stark showed him the prototype for his new shield and new suit. He really was going to become Captain America, like his character on the USO tour, and Steve was as excited to do his duty as a soldier, as he was about her.
He wished he could tell her how little time he had left, and that each moment was a gift, how much he loved her, and how sorry he was that they couldn’t have the life they wanted. But he didn’t want to break her heart.
He knew he would break her heart anyway, and perhaps it was selfish that he kept their relationship going to the end, but he also needed her. When she pulled him in for a kiss before he jumped into the Valkyrie, he knew this was it. This was goodbye. Their love would literally go down in flames.
Over the radio, he still promised to take her dancing, even though he knew he was about to die. Poor Peggy. This was how she lost him. His heart broke, but he was still glad he had kept his promise in 1941 to love her.
Goodbye, my love, he thought as he drifted off into a frozen sleep, his tears turning to ice on his cheeks as he cried over losing her.
✦✧✦✧
Decades passed and Steve woke from that frozen sleep, and immediately thought of her. She would be old now, but he still loved her and needed to see her. Battles were fought and years passed, and Steve missed her with all his heart. He missed the woman he had fallen in love with, he missed her entire life, and his heart ached when she died. Loving her had been wonderful, but he never imagined pain like this - of loss, of heartbreak, of their doomed passion.
It wasn’t until 2023 after the battle with Thanos, that Steve realized that time travel was possible and an option, even more than it was in 1948 when Peggy had first come back to him in 1941. That had been an experiment! This was reality. In returning the stones to their own times, he decided to go back to her, to be with her, and to love her like he always had.
“I just couldn’t handle not seeing you ever again.”
His breath caught in his throat as he knocked on her door, and her eyes shone with so much love when she greeted him.
“You were right,” he said. “I did love you, and that red dress was intoxicating, as were your kisses in the hallway at that pub.”
“Steve,” she said.
He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her like that night, and this time, he didn’t have to say goodbye.