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When Jesper woke, it took him a few moments to orient himself. The bed was soft, way softer than the ones he usually slept on. His eyes scanned the dimly lit room and caught the door at the foot of the bed. Not where the door was in his room. Not where it had been in the room they stayed at in the Geldrenner.
With this realization, Jesper’s brain woke up, and his memories with it. The Geldrenner, his da, the Kherguud soldier, Wylan, the auction, Matthias—
That thought was immediately cut off. He couldn’t bring himself to think about that right now. It was too recent, too fresh, and Jesper felt tears rise. The slowly rising daylight around him didn’t make it feel any more tangible than it had felt in the dark of the night. Seeing Nina leave with Matthias´ body had only made the hole that had resided in his chest for years grow wider. It was strange, that this Grisha hunter, turned ally, turned friend, had been one of the people who had helped him on his winding journey to start to embrace his powers. If he could have told himself last year that all it would take for him to start accepting that part of himself was a former drüskelle, a poisonous flower, and a very persistent runaway merchling, he would have laughed. But he didn’t feel much for laughing right now.
Right when he was thinking about getting up, he heard a small groan from the other side of the bed. As much as he had wanted to stay wrapped around Wylan all night, he knew it wasn’t advisable considering the extent of Wylan’s injuries. Injuries, which now seemed to be bothering him.
“Good morning darling,” Jesper whispered, and Wylan turned around to face him. It still broke Jesper’s heart to see him like this. His face was covered with bruises, and Jesper knew it only became worse further down. It was in moments like these Jesper wished Wylan was a little less brave, a little less stubborn. He could have folded earlier and it would have been believable, but of course he had to go the extra mile.
“Good morning,” Wylan mumbled back, then reached for the vial of medicine on the side of the bed. The medicine he had taken last night was stronger, but that had also knocked him out, so a weaker one would do. Jesper watched Wylan’s face scrunch up at the taste as the medicine went down. It would be a while until they could get a hold of any real doctor, and Jesper hoped they could get a hold of any Grisha healer who hadn’t decided to leave Ketterdam just yet. “How are you feeling?”
At this, Jesper actually chuckled. “I feel like I should be asking you that.”
Wylan just shrugged. “It was a hard day for all of us.” Jesper just nodded. They had all come way too close to death, and Matthias—
Everytime Jesper thought about it, it was like finding it out for the first time. The shock still hit him, and he didn’t know how many times it would be before the pain would dull. Maybe Wylan felt the same, because he reached an arm out and beckoned Jesper closer. They held onto each other in the early morning light, the only thing disturbing the silence, the sound of their own breathing.
They couldn’t stay like that forever. It was strange, Jesper thought. After everything that had happened the day before, after losing Matthias, the world just kept turning, and they had to keep up with it.
The staff had questions. Obviously. Wylan hadn’t been back home in years, and while the staff seemed happy to see him, Jesper couldn’t imagine all the ways Wylan must have changed. Generally, Jesper thought he looked a lot healthier than when they had first met. A more stable income of both food and money had done that, but that was washed away by the bruises and cuts. The staff probably wondered how Jesper fit in all of this as well, but luckily, they seemed to understand they needed to keep a few of their questions to themselves.
Jesper stayed with Wylan throughout the whole day. It was clear Wylan needed him here, and Jesper needed to have someone to hold on to. There were talks with staff, there were stadwatch informing them about what was happening with Jan, there were letters from panicked business partners, and many other things Jesper couldn’t keep up with. By the time they had eaten dinner, Jesper was almost as exhausted as the night before.
They retired. No one wanted to argue Wylan should work more in the state he was in, and Jesper was deeply thankful for it. The room they had stayed in was a guest room, which was not to say it wasn’t big or fancy. It clearly belonged to a wealthy home, even though the mercher restraint was evident. Wylan’s old room had been redone for the new heir, Jan and Aly’s child. There was no trace Wylan had ever lived here before, and Jesper found it hard to picture Wylan here. To him, Wylan was all messy hair, loud noises and rambling conversations, none of which seemed to fit in this neat and proper life.
Still, he did recognize parts of Wylan here. Offering new acquaintances tea, his initial awkwardness, his manners. Things that had always chafed against the Barrel. Things that Jesper loved just as much as the rest of Wylan.
“Are you tired?” Wylan’s voice broke through the fog of his thoughts, and Jesper looked over at him. He had changed into more comfortable clothes, standing by the dresser.
“Exhausted. But not quite ready for bed.” Jesper’s body and mind were spent, but still he knew if he went to bed now, he’d stay tossing and turning many hours before he went to sleep. “But if you wanna down your medication and fall asleep, that’s alright.”
Wylan shook his head. “I don’t feel ready for bed either. Plus, there is something I would— Well, I would like to give you something,” he said, crossing the room over to his satchel, where he still kept the majority of his own things. It hadn’t escaped Jesper’s notice that Wylan hadn’t unpacked his small collection of belongings, but he wouldn’t push it. Yet, anyways. Instead, his eyes followed him as he picked up something small from his bag, turning it in his hands before turning back towards him. The way he walked up to Jesper felt almost formal, and it made him smile. Wylan cleared his throat, before holding out his open hand towards Jesper.
“It’s a key,” Jesper said, staring at the object in Wylan’s hand, a smile tugging on his lips.
“Yes,” Wylan said, and Jesper saw the red rising in his cheeks.
“What does it open?” He suspected he knew the answer already.
“The front door of this house,” Wylan said, smiling now. Jesper reached out and closed his hand around the key. It was cool, and grounding. “I’m not saying you have to stay here of course, but I will probably need to. Alys can’t really take over, I don’t think she will want to, and I just thought that– Well, I want you near me as much as possible, so I thought this was a fitting gift, but if you—” Gently, careful not to hurt him, Jesper leaned forward to press his lips against Wylan’s. He couldn’t help himself. His boyfriend was giving him an opportunity to live in a mansion with him, and yet he was giving Jesper a way out as if it wasn’t good enough.
When he pulled back Jesper grabbed the key, and held it to his chest.
“Thank you,” he mumbled.
“Well, it’s really only fair. You gave me a key, I thought I should return the favor.”
“I love you,” Jesper said, leaning forward once again to press a kiss to Wylan’s temple, one of the few places he could safely do so.
“I love you too,” Wylan said, the smile still playing on his face. He hadn’t really understood when he first gave Wylan that key what it had meant. But the longer they spent together, the more Jesper had understood that Wylan had been serious about it being the kindest thing anyone had done for him. And now, Jesper understood it even more. The key was an open ticket in and out of the house, as much as he wanted. Wylan wanted him there, as much as he wanted to be there. Probably, if he had been in the same mindset as when Jesper made the first key, hoping he would want to be there all the time.
And he understood the key was a plea, as well. He had pleaded Wylan to stay, to stay in Ketterdam even when he had the entire world open to him, simply because that is where Jesper was. And here, Wylan was doing the same. Jesper could leave, could run back to the Barrel or take the first boat following his father, or he could stay with Wylan. And as the days turned, becoming weeks, and becoming months, as their grief over Matthias slowly lost its sharpest edge, and as they found something akin to a routine, Jesper knew there was no other choice he wanted to make. So he kept the key, much like how Wylan still had his, often tucked away on a chain underneath his shirt.