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They say accidents happen, it’s what makes us human. And while that does hold true, this wasn’t an accident.
Bucky went on a mission with three SHIELD agents. They split into groups of two and set the rendezvous point. You were monitoring the communication system like usual. Two of the agents must have forgotten that anything and everything they said was being monitored.
“Okay, you remember the plan?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m not an idiot. All I have to do is make sure Barnes takes the downfall.”
“Which will be easy because everyone knows he’s fucked up in the head.”
Hearing those things about your boyfriend makes your blood boil. How dare they? They have some nerve talking about him like that with you on the other end of their conversation. You paused before replying. Maybe they didn’t realise that you could hear everything they were saying. The comm system got an upgrade because everyone realised how dangerous it could be if someone was trapped and couldn’t get their hand up to their comm device.
You sat back. This would all be recorded. After the mission you could send it to Fury and these two idiots would be discharged.
You sat back with a smug look on your face. Karma was a bitch, after all.
When the mission was done, Bucky was confused as he took out his comm and placed it in the box. What went wrong? Everything was going perfectly fine. There was no way things could have gone that wrong.
When the agents began griping about how this was all Bucky’s fault, he had doubts. He didn’t do anything wrong. So, he said exactly that.
The agents stared at him with a palpable anger and hatred. Bucky assumed it was because he somehow messed up the mission. It was really because they loathed Bucky with all their being.
“You probably just can’t fucking remember what you did wrong with that block of Swiss cheese for a brain,” the one had grumbled.
“Yeah, even I saw what you did wrong.” The agent that had been with him the whole time joined in. “You probably just don’t want to get in trouble. Are you going to blame it on the newbies so we get in trouble instead? That’s really shitty of you.”
“But… but I—”
They all sighed. He looked like a kicked puppy, which only brought them joy
“Listen. I know you are supposedly a good guy now, but I’m not sure if I think that’s true. You just completely ruined the mission, and now you’re trying to blame it on us?”
“Why did they even let you come on missions in the first place?”
And with those words, the seeds of doubt had left. He was still messed up from everything Hydra did to his brain. Maybe they were right. Maybe he did mess up.
He froze.
He knew that you were on the communication system. What did you think of your failure of a boyfriend now? You would probably berate him just like the SHIELD agents. He deserved it.
When he got back, he went straight to his room to shower. He didn’t want to talk to you like he usually did when he got done with missions. You’d probably just remind him of his failures.
Is his brain so messed up that he can’t even remember what he did wrong? After spending an hour in the shower thinking over everything he did, Bucky still couldn’t for the life of him remember what he did. But he had to have done it. Three stable agents cleared for missions that important versus an unstable, brainwashed ex-assassin that somehow also got clearance to go on a mission that important.
Even if he didn’t do anything wrong, the chances of anyone believing him were nil.
“Bucky?”
Shit. It was you. From the sound of it, you were right outside the door. He didn’t want you to come talk to him about how he just messed up a really important mission. He felt like a failure as it was. He didn’t need you rubbing salt into the wound.
He couldn’t hide from you forever, though. Since he was dressed he didn’t have an excuse to hide away any more.
He opened the door to see your concerned face. You smiled at him as if he didn’t just colossally fuck up. “Hey, sweetheart, you okay?”
He frowned. No he wasn’t okay. Of course he wasn’t okay. He truly thought he was getting better. Maybe that was stupid on his part. He was hopeless. Steve should have killed him when he had the chance. Hell, even Tony should have killed him when he had the chance. He’d deserve it.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, honey?” You pulled him to your body, carding your hand gently through his wet hair.
He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve you. He deserved punishment. He messed up the mission. He’d be beaten and put into the chair. Hydra doesn’t tolerate mistakes.
Bucky dropped to the ground as he had been trained to do after missions that went awry. He waited for the kicks and punches but they never came.
“Bucky? Honey, what’s going on? Talk to me, baby. You’re okay, you’re safe. Everything is okay.”
You saw him hyperventilating, clearly in a different mental space. If you had less resolve, you would have marched back to those three agents to kick their asses. How dare they put Bucky in a state like this!
You knelt down on the ground in front of him. A few minutes passed before Bucky’s eyes met yours. They were red and tears were begging to be released.
“It’s okay, Buck. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Don’t lie to me.” His voice sounded so heartbreaking. He truly thought that he was at fault for what had happened.
“I’m not lying, Bucky. Those agents tricked you, they gaslighted you into thinking that you messed up when in all reality, they purposely sabotaged the mission just to hurt you. None of it was your fault.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I heard everything they said. It’s all recorded. They were stupid enough to discuss the plan whilst they had their comms in.”
“So… I didn’t ruin everything?”
“No, Bucky, of course not. You’re a good man and you’re getting better every day. Don’t let those stupid agents get to you. You are doing so good, okay?”
His shoulders relaxed from their hunched position as if the weight of the world had been released from his shoulders. “Can you… can you maybe hold me for a bit?”
You smiled at him. He was still working on asking for things that he needed and wanted. You were so proud of his progress. “Of course, baby.”