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Stan stared at the redhead as he leaned into his hand, his focus very clearly on his super-best friend. As if he was suddenly snapped out of his daze, Kenny nudged him in the shoulder. “Dude, why are you looking at Kyle so much?” His muffled voice spoke through his parka, Stan’s eyes darting to the blonde’s as an embarrassing blush spread across his cheeks.
“Wha- what do you mean?? I’m not looking at him that much!” He defended, Stan realising Kyle had just spotted the two, looking over at him with concerned judgement. “Shit—“ the boy turned his head away immediately, making sure he wouldn’t be caught by Kyle. A smirk tugged at the messy blonde’s lips as he crossed his arms smugly.
“Yeah sure, you definitely don’t stare at him while imagining you two making out” Stan glared at him with a pout, “shut up dude”
***
“So you’re saying he’s being distant with you? Don’t you guys like— sleep over at each other’s house every day?? Pretty sure everyone thinks you’re like- dating” Kenny rambled on, confused as to what Stan was telling him. “Yeah but— I don’t know..” he sighed hopelessly as they walked through the hallways, “he’s just been.. acting different around me”
Silence hung in the air for a few moments, Kenny awkwardly shuffling his hands in his parka’s pockets. Then his eyes lit up at the boy a few steps away from them. “Hey dude, it’s Kyle. You should say hi” The taller boy offered a toothy grin, and Stan flushed lightly. “Yeah, whatever man..”
As Kyle grabbed out a couple of items from his locker, Stan approached him, causing the poor redhead to jerk back. “Ah— Stan, dude, hey” Kyle’s eyes tried escaping his friend’s gaze, looking anywhere but at him. Kyle momentarily froze, obviously tensed up for whatever reason.
Stan’s smile faltered into a small frown at his friend’s strange behaviour but decided to ignore it. And ignored the fact his face was extremely red. Kyle waited for Stan to speak, “Hey dude, you wanna come over to my house after school?” he asked, hoping for an enthusiastic and obvious “Of course!” But instead was received with a “Sorry man, can’t, we have like several assignments due in the next week”
The raven-haired boy tried to not let his disappointment show, but ultimately his expression noticeably dampened. “Oh- okay,” He tried shrugging off, but couldn’t shake off the feeling of Kyle putting distance between them. The bell suddenly went as students started gathering to go to their classes.
“Oh sorry Stan gotta go to class, I’ll see you at lunch!” Kyle quickly waved before fleeting, not even bothering to display that sweet and warm smile he usually showed him. Stan waved back, yet it seemed as though the redhead was too in a rush to notice. He turned his head in the opposite direction, slowly beginning to walk to his class.
***
Even at lunch, even after school, even when they were almost touching each other’s hands, Stan could tell Kyle was purposely standing just a little bit farther away than usual. That he was smiling at him a little less, making eye contact a little less, laughing at his jokes less. Talking to him less. The more the thought crossed his mind, Stan felt more the urge to just confront him.
But he knew he couldn’t, Kyle would probably get pissed off and tell him to screw off or something. Or maybe they were just growing up and being clingy and with each other all the time was becoming too childish. Whatever the case was, Stan still disliked the situation and would rather be curled up in Kyle’s lap, embraced with his touch.
Wait. Did he really just think of doing that with Kyle? Whatever, it’s not like they hadn’t done that before anyways. But the problem was, Stan didn’t want to admit it, but he was painfully miserable and desperately missed his best friend’s touch and just presence in general.
Stan laid on his back, staring into nothingness until Kyle suddenly showed up in his inner thoughts. A quick heat rushed to his face, and he placed his hands over his cheeks. It was weird having Kyle not there. He didn’t like it. What could he use as a distraction?
He sat up, only for his half-lidded eyes to drift to the biggest object in his room— his acoustic guitar he used around three times to write shitty songs about his parent’s divorce from four years ago. He blinked as he squinted, questioning whether it was really a good idea to get back into songwriting, but decided, fuck it!
So he got up and grabbed the instrument, trailing a singular hand over the strings, a light buzzing noise springing from each one he touched. He plopped back on his bed, having a notebook and pen laid flat in front of him. Then the short boy started strumming randomly, singing whatever came into his head.
“Yeah I need to understand why you want so much space” he nodded his head to the simple beat, going along with the unrefined melody. “Yeah I need to understand, why you’re making that face” his words were mumbled and unclear, creating the song on the spot. He was obviously thinking about Kyle. Again.
***
A few hours later, now finished with his little song about his super best friend, he decided to call him. (Definitely not because Stan missed his voice)
“Dude, I told you— I have a lot of work to do” Is the first thing Kyle told him, a hint of annoyance in his tone. Stan’s mouth curled slightly at being able to hear the boy’s voice, “Yeah sorry man but can you maybe come see me for a few minutes..? I have something important to show you”
He heard a sigh from the other line, Stan being able to imagine Kyle’s ears going a light shade of red as he gave in, “Fine. I’ll be there in 5”. The redhead hung up but the other boy just giddily smiled to himself, stretching out his arms on legs on his bed. He took his notebook and re-read the lyrics he wrote to himself.
***
Stan raced downstairs as the knocking of a certain tall redhead echoed throughout the house, the boy being quicker to the door than his own mother. He spent no time opening the door, seeing Kyle stand there awkwardly. “Hey dude” a small yet somewhat uncomfortable smile stuck to his face.
On the other hand, Stan’s eyes lit up with a puppy-love sort’ve joy, his first urge to grab Kyle’s arm his he pulled him inside the house. Kyle’s face burned red as his eyes widened at the contact, jerking his arm away from Stan. “Dude why are you so excited..?” He almost hissed at him.
“Oh sorry, I'm just uh..” his eyes trailed away from his close friend, his mouth hung open in a dorky smile, “I’m happy you’re here dude” he felt his cheeks redden again for some reason, and it seemed Kyle wanted to get upstairs as soon as possible, rapidly walking past him.
Once they reached Stan’s messy room, Kyle’s vision immediately landed on the guitar placed on his bed. Stan looked back at his friend, his grin a bit more relaxed now. “So I sorta wrote a song” he began saying, positioning himself on his bed as he took the instrument into his arms.
Kyle lifted an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “Dude you haven’t done that since your parents divorced, are you okay??” He asked somewhat genuinely, definitely a hint of concern present in his voice. Stan just shook his head while laughing very lightly, thinking of how to phrase what he wanted to say. “Well actually... I wrote this for you. I guess”
Kyle’s pretty emerald eyes blinked a couple of times, Stan noticed, as he looked to the wall. Stan’s face went a harsh red as he realised what that could’ve meant “This isn’t like a love confession or anything..! Uh sorry dude did I make you think-“ Kyle cut him off with a strained smile, “No it’s fine Stan, you can sing it for me”
Stan looked up at his best friend before clearing his throat. His eyes landed on his guitar, and he started playing. Was it a bit random to out of nowhere play a song about your super best friend to said super best friend? Who knows, but for whatever reason, this was the easiest way for the boy to convey his feelings.
“You seem to be down and I don’t see why” he began singing softly, his mouth a thin line. He didn’t look back at Kyle, not sure if he’d be too embarrassed or nervous to. “Is it something I’ve done?” The redhead frowned slightly at his words, feeling a pang of guilt. He sat down on the opposite side of the bed, his arms still crossed.
“I thought you were fine, now you don't wanna talk”, His green eyes fell to the bed, face tinted pink. “Can you tell me what is wrong?”
“I need to say to you” he took a very short pause and looked up for the first time since he’d started the song, “I don’t understand” A pout spread across his face for that second, and Kyle could recognise it well. He wanted to say something, but before he could, Stan immediately put his hands back on the guitar and opened his mouth again.
“Yeah, I need to understand” He began really getting into it, tapping his foot and moving his head lightly to the melody. “Why you want so much space” His deep blue eyes flickered to the taller boy’s, and Kyle felt his knees go weak. “Yeah I need to understand” Was he blushing? He honestly felt zoned out from being stuck in Stan’s voice.
“Why you’re making that face” his expression became a bit stern, narrowing his eyes at Kyle. The redhead gently turned his head the other way, mouth shut. The song ended and Stan calmly put the instrument down next to him, looking directly at his best friend. “So”
He started, his tone a bit softer than usual, “Did you like the song..?” His words faded off into a whisper, the silence causing a nervous bubbling within his stomach. He noticed Kyle’s scrunched-up face and desperately tried reading his expression. “Uh.. yeah Stan, it was good” was all he said, Stan’s frown more evident now.
He got up and walked over to Kyle, the redhead shuffling away from him just a tiny bit. Stan noticed this. “Dude, come on” he almost whined, his voice desperate, “you can’t deny the fact you’ve been ignoring me! I wrote a whole ass song about it man, it’s obvious I care” Stan tried getting him to look into his eyes, but Kyle just sighed as his face flushed.
Kyle’s grip on his arms became tighter as he continued to look away, “Look Stan I.. I’m sorry okay? But I have a reason..” The raven-haired boy tilted his head slightly, continuing to stare at him so that he’d eventually tell the reason. He flushed an even deeper red and groaned, “I can’t.. tell you why. I’m sorry”
Stan felt his heart shatter, but he had to respect Kyle’s decisions. He just wished Kyle told him more instead of hiding everything all the time. He wanted to know everything that was going on with his life, no matter how personal that sounded. But Stan just had a feeling— he just felt so strongly about Kyle. So even if his heart was thumping loud and hard within his chest, he decided to take a bold step.
The shorter boy put his hand to Kyle’s chin and turned it so his face could meet his. He saw the redhead’s eyes widen as Stan felt a wave of heat from his cheeks. He suddenly felt strange and almost fuzzy inside, seeing Kyle’s reaction so flustered. “Stan—“ He shakily whispered, Stan internally freaking out from how close they’d just become. Now he was the one who wanted to escape Kyle’s stunning eyes.
“Dude, you can tell me anything” Stan tried reassuring in such a casual way, Kyle couldn’t tell how fast his heart was racing. The boy never realised how comfortable he was.. with being this close. It’s as if the redhead wanted to cry and whip his head away, his lip quivered helplessly. “please don’t hate me, Stan..” suddenly his eyebrows curled down and small tears began bubbling up in his eyes.
Stan slowly crawled onto Kyle, sitting gently on his lap. Kyle had his mouth hung open, ultimately confused and in a daze. He decided to get even closer to him, warming up from his touch. Stan looked up at Kyle with vulnerable eyes, his eyes glittering with plead. They took their moment, the raven-haired boy making sure he wasn’t making the redhead uncomfortable. “I’d never hate you..” with Stan’s sweet words, he finally got to Kyle, a thin string of tears down his freckled cheeks.
“I’m in love with you Stan.. that’s why I—.. that’s why I was so distant” Stan felt his stomach turn and tie itself into a knot. He gently placed his hands on Kyle’s chest, feeling the intense thumping in his palms. Kyle stared at him, terrified. “I’m sorry I just- I didn’t want to ruin our friendship” Stan was still processing. “At first I could shove it down but then it just— I couldn’t ignore it and my feelings get stronger every day and—“
“I’m in love with you too” the words stumbled out of the shorter boy’s mouth before he could even realise. Shit. Now he was confused. Stan didn’t even know he was gay— but it felt so.. natural? He heard Kyle swallow before opening his mouth, a trembly little “huh?” Coming out. Then Stan whipped his hands away and slapped them over his mouth, face burning hot red within a second.
Kyle also turned red, his hair now matching his skin. The two just looked at each other, both equally wide-eyed, Stan still in Kyle’s lap, not much distance between their faces. “Stan..?” Kyle questioned, the other boy suddenly feeling queasy. Fuck, he thought, his eyes drifting to the redhead’s lips.
Now everything made sense. It made sense why Stan felt warm and fuzzy around him. It made sense how he craved holding his hand, even if they’d just let go. It made sense why when Kyle would sleep next to him Stan would lay wide awake, listening to each breath as he forced himself not to memorise every detail of his face. Stan was so incredibly in love with his best friend, and he didn’t even know it until now.
He felt stupid. So as if he had no control over his body, Stan, after what seemed like hours of just flustered staring, furiously cupped Kyle’s face and leaned closer to him. The taller boy looked at him confused, scared, yet still extremely flushed. He looked.. beautiful. His breathing was so slow, yet hesitant and uncertain. His eyes shook so slightly as if he was searching for all the answers in Stan’s eyes. His frizzy red hair, poking out messily from his green hat he refused to take off.
Stan took a moment to process the beauty before smiling tenderly at his super best friend, eyes half-lidded as if he was lovesick. “Can I kiss you, dude?” He said, the words melting Kyle like butter. Though the redhead seemed insecure and unsure of all this, he was definitely confident in this decision.
Kyle placed his hands around Stan’s neck before mashing their lips together, the redhead being aggressive in his approach. Stan tried to keep up, the kiss being more messy than anything. But he knew, they both knew, how bad they’d wanted it. It seemed as though Kyle had been waiting forever it’s as if he didn’t even know he’d be able to ever experience it. Soon Kyle overpowered the smaller boy, leaning into him more, deepening the already passionate kiss.
They separated for a moment, panting filling the room. Stan felt drunk, it was all so surreal. All of this because of his stupid song? Maybe he should write more. Kyle dived into his eyes, a lazy smile stuck to his swollen lips. “Fuck dude, you made me wait for so godamn long”
“Well you’re never gonna wait again” Stan huffed out a chuckle. He still couldn’t believe this was all happening, only a few minutes ago he thought their relationship was completely platonic, and now he was thinking of how nice it’d feel with his tongue down his “best friend’s” throat. “Now kiss me again,” He said, Kyle already leaning back in.
“Never put distance between us again”