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“Hyung, what are you getting Hao-hyung for his birthday?”
Ricky poses the question during a pause in practice, when he manages to catch Hanbin alone at the water fountain— finally, because getting Hanbin’s attention, despite the older boy’s own selfless efforts to give attention to everyone, somehow feels more difficult now that he’s the leader of nine instead of the object of admiration or envy of 97 others.
He thinks he sounds casual enough, but Hanbin gives him a knowing look in between dabbing at the sweat on his forehead with a towel.
“It’s a surprise, Ricky-yah,” he answers in singsong. “You’ll see during his birthday live.”
“I’m not talking about the live,” Ricky explains. “I already chose mine for that too.”
“Then why the sudden curiosity?”
Ricky lets out a heavy, very frustrated sigh.
Though Hao joined Yuehua after Ricky, his presence was like finding a port in the middle of the storm. Maybe it’s a quality that comes with being a teacher, or maybe he became a teacher precisely because of that quality, but there was something so immediately calming about Hao that Ricky couldn’t help but drift to him, feeling a sense of security he hadn’t realized he’d been missing until then. He could tell it wasn’t different for his fellow trainees; even the Korean ones, who had the advantage of being in their home country but lacked the experience Hao brought, seemed more assured of themselves under his guidance.
When Ricky thinks of Hao, he thinks of the peace he feels near him, and of gratitude. How thankful he is for all Hao has done and continues to do for him.
He thinks of the times when he was insecure and Hao helped him find his footing again.
He thinks of all the moments when he couldn’t speak because he was too upset, or because he couldn’t find the words in Korean, or both, and Hao spoke for him.
He thinks of the way Hao never failed to guide him through Boys Planet even when they were in different teams and Hao was struggling with his own problems, counseling him with a cool head and wise words.
He thinks of when he was announced 4th place and Hao came to him immediately, reaching out from behind the other boys to congratulate and hug him, the joy in his eyes sincere and unclouded by the fear for his own fate.
He thinks of the time when he sought advice about his feelings for Gyuvin, having finally gathered the courage to admit them to someone else— on the verge of tears because he was so overwhelmed and confused— only for Hao to smile softly at him and whisper “I know,” before pulling him into his embrace, because he had figured out the hidden meanings of his friendship slash quarrel with Gyuvin a long time ago.
Hao is precious to many people, but he's precious to Ricky in a way not many others are. He’s the one who always knows what to do and what to say when Ricky is tongue-tied and tripping over his feet, the person that automatically makes him feel at ease just being there; his beloved gege. Ricky wants him to know that. And he wants to show it by giving him something else that is special and meaningful; something that won’t be remembered just as a funny ‘ha ha!’ moment from a birthday live, or waved off with a wink as an inside joke between them and the fans.
“I just don’t think it’s enough to give him… only that, you know? It’s Hao-hyung.” He elaborates shyly to Hanbin. Even voicing the idea out loud feels inadequate. “I’m sure you feel the same?”
That’s the number one reason why Ricky came to Hanbin for advice, after all. Ricky might have been closer to Hao for longer, but the depth of the connection he forged with Hanbin in their short time together couldn’t be overestimated or overstated. He is sure Hanbin wants the same thing as him. And Ricky is willing to bet his family’s entire wealth that whatever Hao is getting from Hanbin during the live won’t be the leader’s only gift to him. There’s simply no way that’s the case.
Finally, the playful edge on Hanbin’s smile softens. “I get you, Ricky-yah, I get you. But… you don’t have any ideas?”
“No, that’s why I asked you what you are giving him,” Ricky reminds him. Then the horrible suspicion that he might be wrong strikes him: “you did buy something else for him, didn’t you?”
“I did, I did,” Hanbin reassures him, laughing at the undisguised accusatory tone. “Well, not really. I’m gonna give him something, yeah, but it’s not store bought. I’m— I’m making him something.”
And he looks so shy and embarrassed all of a sudden that Ricky doesn’t ask what it is, though he’s dying to know.
“Well, can you help me think of something I could buy him, then?” He asks instead. “‘Cause I’m all out of ideas here.”
And Ricky had thought of everything, from something as basic as clothes to the heights of a new violin, but nothing he could think of sounded like something Hao would be thrilled to receive.
For one, though Hao loves getting pampered, he can be very particular about his personal style when he wants to, so while he would enjoy getting clothes to a certain extent, he wouldn’t necessarily love it, and Ricky wants Hao to love his gift. Anything he won’t love falls short of Ricky’s intentions.
As for a new violin, Ricky entertained that thought for a total of five delirious seconds before discarding it. Hao certainly wouldn’t appreciate anyone suggesting he needs a new instrument when his current one, despite being a bit worn down, is so lovingly well kept and carries so many memories of the time and effort he poured into perfecting his skill with it.
“I don’t really know what to tell you, Ricky-yah…”
Ricky’s heart drops. If even the presiding authority on all matters Zhang Hao can’t help him, then who can?
“...Except that you seem to be overthinking something very, very simple,” Hanbin says firmly, cutting through Ricky’s protests. “If you’re out of ideas of what to buy him, then that means he probably doesn’t need or doesn’t want anything you can buy. Why don’t you make him something then? It would show him you put time into making something special.”
“But I’m not good at crafting things!” Ricky whines, sounding most uncool to his standards. “I’m good at buying them ready-made!”
“Not good then… uh… well, there’s lots of other ways you can—” Hanbin pauses in the middle of his musing, looking at Ricky with wide eyes of realization. “You know what? Maybe that’s exactly it. Your time, Ricky-yah!”
Ricky blinks at Hanbin’s words. “I’m not following.”
“You want to show Hao-ge how much you love him, don’t you?” Hanbin checks. The use of the Chinese honorific pulls a chuckle out of Ricky; Hanbin pronounces it perfectly, but it still sounds cute for some reason. Maybe that’s how the Korean members feel when he’s speaking their language. “Well, when was the last time you two did something special together? Just the two of you?”
Ricky scours his mind for the answer— and it is, in fact, a bit distant.
It was three months after Hao became a Yuehua trainee. In his short time with them, Hao had managed to scope out the surroundings of the company building and their dorm’s neighborhood for good places to eat. Ricky had been feeling down back then, riding a wave of self-doubt threatening to make him lose his balance and swallow him whole, and Hao saw straight through it, as he does with most things when it comes to the people he cares about.
One evening, Hao snuck Ricky out of that night’s practice to take him to dinner at a hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant he had found. Ricky recalls wrinkling his nose at the least luxurious restaurant he had ever eaten at in his life, but all his grievances disappeared when he tasted the food. It transported him back home in an instant, and prompted all the fears and the homesickness he’d been repressing to break through and send him crying into Hao’s shoulder.
“There, there. I’m here for you, okay? I’ll always be. Whenever you need someone to lean on, you can lean on me. Tell me what you’re struggling with, and I’ll help you.”
After his tears had dried and their plates were clean, Ricky couldn’t remember why he had been second-guessing himself in the first place. When they were walking back to their dorm with arms linked together, just in time to make it before their curfew, he felt safer and more content than he had been in a long time.
“But I don’t know if I can do the same for him, hyung,” Ricky sighs after he finishes recounting that story to Hanbin. “Hao-ge… I think he sees me too much like a younger brother. He would never share those things with me without thinking he’s burdening me.”
Not to mention, he has a certain someone else to share his concerns with. Someone who relies on him just as much.
“It doesn’t have to be about that, though,” Hanbin counters patiently. “It can just be about you two spending quality time together without other people, having fun with each other. That’s also a way of showing someone you love them, you know?”
“I… I guess so…” Ricky tentatively agrees.
“And Ricky-yah,” Hanbin says sternly, but with tenderness in his eyes. “Don’t forget that Hao-ge loves you a lot, so don’t think about it too hard. It doesn’t matter what it is and how much it costs; as long as it’s from you and it comes from the heart, he will love it.”
In the end, Ricky doesn’t come up with any better ideas for Hao’s gift, so he does the best thing he can: take Hanbin's advice to heart.
After the members have each given Hao their midnight congratulations (Hanbin being the first one, obviously) and cleared out of his room, Ricky tentatively approaches.
“Happy birthday, gege. I wish you the most amazing year.”
“Thank you, didi,” Hao smiles fondly back at him.
“Here’s your gift.” Ricky extends a card overly decorated with all kinds of stickers. “It’s not much but… I hope you like it.”
Hao accepts it carefully from Ricky’s (slightly) trembling hands, and opens it to read the words he’s spent the last day painstakingly choosing.
TO ZHANG HAO:
Happy birthday! Congratulations on becoming one year older.
This is your personal and non-transferable Lovelicky Coupon!
When you redeem it, your cutie Lovelicky will:
✧ Spend the day with you doing any activity you choose ✧
✧ Buy you lots of delicious food ✧
✧ Buy you all the gifts you want ✧
It’s one-time only, so choose wisely!
(I love you, gege. Stay healthy and keep being cool.
Thank you for everything, and count on me for anything.)
Xiaorui.
Gently, Hao folds his card and deposits it on his nightstand, then pulls Ricky into a tight hug.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. I love it, I really do,” he says into Ricky’s shoulder, voice muffled. When he pulls back to face him, his eyes are suspiciously shiny. “After our debut’s promotions end, as soon as we have a break, we’ll spend a day together, alright? No ZB1 and no Binz.”
“No Binz,” Ricky laughs, happy and relieved that he managed to convey his feelings properly and thankful beyond belief for Hanbin’s insight. “Whenever you want, just say the word.”
“I will. Now go to bed,” Hao orders, putting his hands on his hips in a motherly posture. “It’s late and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” Ricky nods.
He turns one last time at the doorstep.
"Good night, gege. Love you.”
“Love you too, Xiaorui. Sleep well.”