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Joshua never felt he was particularly interesting when he was younger. So naturally even now it took him a lot to make himself believe he was worth something. After having gone on a few outings with Seungcheol and Jeonghan he felt like he was getting so close to getting rid of the shaking feeling of not being worth enough but even now it was so difficult.
Growing up in such a religious environment where standing out and individualism were heavily discouraged as they went against the set rules it left a permanent mark in Joshua’s subconscious even if he had now shaken himself off that community. The second he saw the first Seventeen video he realised how much worth there was in just being who you are, and he stopped repressing his interests that were unconventional more and more.
Still trying to keep up his proper-catholic-church-boy facade he figured he could quite easily get away with becoming interested in photography as long as he did it for church events. He was also lucky his parents never looked at who he was and what he liked too much, preferring to pretend he was exactly how they thought he was in favour of putting in actual effort so sneaking off or asking to go to the fansigns was not all too difficult. There were enough christian retreat weekends, camps and religious artists out there to fuel his lies for ages and his parents had enough money to throw it at a wall. As long as Joshua would shut up and do what he was told and sit pretty in church every Sunday it would be okay. His parents didn’t really care anyway.
Getting to Korea as often as he did was more difficult, but somehow it didn’t raise too much of an eyebrow. Joshua stayed with his grandmother in the beginning of his adventures as a fansite and his grandmother was weirdly supportive. Joshua assumed that his mother and grandmother didn’t have the best relationship but also yet again tried to keep up appearances for their images sake. It turned out in his profit anyway and it was nice to be away from America when he could. He did get homesick at times, when he was travelling further around the world without his parent’s knowledge, but the second he had more contact with Wonwoo and his friends it all died down rather quickly.
Joshua realised quickly that his home was the people, not the country.
Now that he was sitting in between two people he found a home in quite early on before they even knew who he was and he had barely the inkling of an idea of how these two actually were; the thoughts about him having to conform never entirely left his head. Finally being independent from his parents helped him a lot, and he put as much focus on his study, his work and the fun projects with his friends as he could, but some days were just worse than others and this was definitely not one of his best days.
Today things truly came to a head when the moment he had been hoping for, but his anxiety had been dreading was coming to a head.
“Hey Shuji-yah?” Jeonghan started, waking the younger from his thoughts
“Yeah Hannie?”
Seungcheol now also sat upright and Joshua felt the anxiety already creeping into his guts. Whatever was about to happen he wasn’t sure he could handle it.
“You’re disappointed in me right?” He mumbled, hopefully soft enough for no one to hear but Jeonghan did, of course Jeonghan did.
Always attentive, a more watchful eye than people give him credit for, incredibly perceptive and observant (there was a reason he was good at cheating his way out of things) and sensitive senses.
“No- I- what do you mean Shua? Hey baby, what do you mean disappointed?”
“I just- why do you like me?”
This seemed to alert Seungcheol to the situation as well, both fussing over the youngest, trying to get him to look at them.
“Shua, did you think we were going to reject you?”
A quiet murmur escaped between the arms Joshua had folded protectively over his own face, now red and stained with quiet tears.
“Shua, love, please. What caused this reaction?” Seungcheol now asked softly, trying to pry the arms away softly.
“Yeah, I- I thought you had grown tired of me, or realised that I was nothing special. Literally look at the two of you , you’re a perfect couple . I don’t wish to come between that and ruin it. I never even had a relationship before besides this one girl when I was very young in church because all the parents kept fussing over us. She was the only girl my age in town so hell were they trying to do.”
Jeonghan’s face had an immediate moment of understanding, a quick silent conversation passed between his and Seungcheol’s eyes and within one quick and almost practised move they did a very similar thing to when Joshua was first very overwhelmed with the attention and trust of the two.
Jeonghan moved to the front of Joshua while Seungcheol placed the younger in his lap and held his head against his chest, close to his heart. Joshua naturally calmed down as Seungcheol started whispering reassurances in his ear on why he was worth the trust and compliments and why he deserved the love he got from the people around him.
Joshua dozed off, Seungcheol carried him to his bed and tucked him in the sheets. Them asking Joshua to become official boyfriends had to wait until he woke up.
Wasteland, Baby!
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ 1:35 ───ㅇ───── 4:26
It was around nine in the evening when Joshua finally woke up, the sun had nearly set entirely already and he rubbed his eyes sleepily. He realised he was in a slightly familiar room, one he had only seen a couple of times before and mostly through a small screen during live streams. Seungcheol’s room.
Right .
Before he could heave himself up and out of bed the door opened softly to reveal Jeonghan, he had put his longer hair up in a ponytail and had switched from his casual clothes to a pair of loose joggers and a large t-shirt of which Joshua was pretty sure it was Seungcheol’s.
“Hello Shuji.” Jeonghan sat down beside him as Joshua sat himself up against the headboard. “I came to get you because Seungcheol is almost done with dinner and you must be hungry.”
Joshua played with the edge of the shirt he was wearing, it wasn’t the shirt he came into the dorms with so it must also belong to one of the two… people he was in love with? It smelled like Jeonghan so it must have been his.
It took a second for his brain to sidetrack to what he was thinking about just earlier and he froze in shock.
In love with .
Oh no.
Jeonghan saw the younger man's face crumble and immediately pulled him close.
“Oh Shua-yah, it’s okay, we are here for you baby. Cheol and Hannie are here. It’s okay, let it all out.”
This seemed to only make the sobbing worse and Jeonghan felt so helpless looking at the boy he cared for and adored so much crying in his arms for the so-maniest time. Before the panic could settle properly in his chest there was another body beside him and in no time the two were enveloped by two strong and large arms.
Seungcheol eventually pulled away and let himself be cuddled by Jeonghan instead as he folded himself around Seungcheol like a human blanket. Joshua just looked into Seungcheol’s eyes and before he could stop himself, Seungcheol put a hand to Joshua’s cheek. Joshua was still crying but somehow Seungcheol’s eyes and the sight of Jeonghan clinging to him like a koala helped to ease Joshua’s sobs to little hiccups.
“My sweet Shua, you don’t know half how much we care for you so allow us to take care of you, please.” Seungcheol said softly, almost whispering. “Hey,” He said again, asking the attention of Joshua as he wiped a tear from his chin. “You don’t need to worry about anything sweetheart, we just wanted to ask you if you wanted to let us be your official boyfriends.”
This time Joshua’s eyes widened and for a second Jeonghan was scared that Joshua would burst out in more sobs but instead a smile covered his face as he burned red to his ears. A couple more tears escaped but no more noises that broke Jeonghan’s heart quite literally. Seungcheol’s heart skipped a beat at how pretty the smile looked on Joshua’s face, hand still on his cheek and feeling it scrunch and warm under his palm.
“Oh.” Joshua sounded breathless. “Of- of course I will Cheollie, Hannie. God, yes of course I will.”
A moment passed where the three just smiled softly at one another before Seungcheol couldn’t hold himself back anymore.
“Can I kiss you Joshua?”
All Joshua could do was nod slightly.
Seungcheol leaned in, first placing two kisses on his cheeks, tasting the slight salt of the tears. When Seungcheol leaned back Joshua took a moment to wipe the tears and some of the snot away from his nose, scared it would ruin it. Seungcheol just smiled a little lopsided, feeling his heart bounce in his chest as he placed a small kiss on the tip of Joshua’s nose, eliciting a giggle. Jeonghan just watched fondly from Seungcheol’s shoulder, leaning back a little bit to give more freedom. Seungcheol’s hand found its way to Joshua’s cheek again and brushed his thumb back and forth, looking in Joshua’s eyes one more time to make sure it was okay. As Joshua nodded his head just the slightest bit he leaned in.
Joshua sighed in the kiss, letting his sore and tense muscles go as he leaned forwards, putting more pressure on Seungcheol’s originally light and careful touch. Jeonghan also let out a content little noise, the happiness in his entire body betraying him by letting out a little squeak from the back of his throat as Seungcheol put a little more force into it and moved his lips a little more, Joshua following quickly and naturally as if it wasn’t his first real kiss.
Eventually Seungcheol pulled back and opened his eyes, smiling at Joshua who looked so incredibly pretty. His eyes were shining brightly and the smile spread across his lips was so pretty.
“Your lips are as soft to kiss as pretty as they seem.” Seungcheol said, letting out a content little laugh. “I had wanted to do that for weeks now.” Joshua smiled even wider.
Before Jeonghan could whine about also wanting a try Joshua had already pushed Seungcheol back a bit by placing a hand on his chest.
“You shoo, before the other big baby feels left out.”
Jeonghan let out a huff but it was quickly silenced when Joshua pulled him close. Their eyes met for a second and Joshua may have been bold by pulling Jeonghan forward like that and making him stumble in his composure for a second but it didn’t last long enough when Jeonghan smashed their lips together. Joshua’s eyes closed immediately as Jeonghan’s kiss was less gentle and deeper but filled with all of the raw emotion and compliments he could never say with words. It was a reassurance. They meant it .
Joshua was their boyfriend now, and he could count on them to be there for him and to give him all of the love he deserves. To make him see the love that he deserves.
When Jeonghan pulls back Joshua’s lips are a little plush and pink, letting out short puffs of air, being a little out of breath. Jeonghan just smirks at Joshua, keeping him close and playfully nipping at the bottom of his lip before stealing another peck and leaning back. Joshua just watched in awe as Seungcheol and Jeonghan kissed each other lazily, Jeonghan’s tongue playfully sticking out, causing Seungcheol to immediately pull back and just send a silly smile at Joshua.
He had expected to feel jealous, or useless, or unworthy.
But as the two stared at him, dazed from their own kiss, and their prior kisses with Joshua with nothing but dopey eyes that drooled honey from how sweet and obvious their adoration and maybe even love was, nothing filled his mind but a content little metaphorical sigh when it felt like the water had left his lungs. He could breathe.
And on the tougher days, he knew he had two people to count on. He just had to make sure he would work on his communication.
“C’mon Shuji, time for dinner.”
Joshua followed in a shirt from Jeonghan and a pair of sweatpants and hoodie from Seungcheol his two newly acquired boyfriends into the kitchen. The rest of the evening was spent feeding each other and stealing kisses.
Joshua could already imagine the disgusted look on Minghao’s face at how affectionate they were.
Wasteland, Baby!
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ 4:26 ────────ㅇ 4:26