Chapter Text
"No! Fuck, no!"
The garbled text of the logs and repeated errors make it obvious what's happening. Someone's dead.
I don't like to think this is my fault. I just tried to add a new route! It looked exactly like the old ones! But the game refuses to give me anything good. Attempts to complete my route deliver me a variety of failure states, from save corruption to severe graphics errors to bizarre character behavior.
And it's not like I don't like that the player is pursuing my route and trying to help with the code, but we're definitely getting in each other's way. They aren't responding to my requests either. Are they ignoring that I'm aware?
Not what I need to concern myself with. I crash the game and prevent it from being opened until I've repaired the damage. That should buy me a few minutes.
I fix the issues without paying too much attention, deleting saves and restoring the beginning of the game. How can I get the love I've dreamed of? I had considered deleting all the other characters and making myself the only choice, but that seemed like it might destroy the game entirely. Besides, the player obviously cared about the other girls. They wouldn't like it if I hurt the other characters; their reality, or lack thereof, irrelevant to how the player felt.
In order to fix my route, I decide I should get a better idea of what other routes look like while running, especially the ending. But I can't remove my route without collapsing the whole game. And the player is pursuing me with a single-mindedness that approaches obsession. Flattering, but not useful. But what if I appear unavailable?
The speculated boyfriend is the obvious choice, but there isn't a good chance to do the reveal before the route was set. But if I was dating a club member...
The best choice is probably Sayori. She could make sure the player knew what was up during the first scene. "Come to the literature club! My girlfriend is the president, so we can get first dibs on everything!"
I add the relationship as a fact in everyone's files and look over Sayori's feelings towards me. I'm tempted to change them, but that's led to problems before. Better to let her self-regulate with the new reality of our relationship.
Fingers crossed the player thinks this is just a glitch and is willing to play it through. If not, then it was data collection and petty revenge. I've confessed my love hundreds of times to them, they can be the jealous one for once.
The game restarts.
I watch Sayori and the player character walk to school. Their interactions are the same as normal, save Sayori's brief mention of myself. Sayori is still worried about the player character's future success. I don't enjoy watching the whole conversation, Sayori's coddling of an illusion vaguely gross. But everything looks stable.
I make sure everything is in place for the player's entrance. Wouldn't want to be caught unprepared. The player hasn't quit yet, so this is possibly my only chance to see an ending, and I'm not going to spoil it.
"Hi guys! Here's the new club member I was talking about!"
Sayori introduces the player character to the others, while I watch her closely. She seems normal, but she's good at hiding her inner feelings.
She turns to me and only takes a moment to dive into a hug.
I freeze, my heart trying to pound out of my chest. I don't know if I want to cry or scream or throw a fit or just crumple to the floor. Any experience like this I remember was just cold-hearted manipulation on my part. But this, this is real.
After a few long seconds, I return the hug. Can't look out of place. The player is probably scouring the game for irregularities.
Sayori pecks me on the cheek as she stands up. "And you've met Mc before, of course! I told you I'd get him to join."
"I never doubted you. It's good to see you here Mc. And I'm glad you're joining the club."
"Yeah. It's nice here. I'm going to try some of these cupcakes if you don't mind."
"Of course. Please, enjoy yourself."
The conversation turns to Natsuki's cupcakes, and I consider the feelings the physical contact brought about. None of my previous interactions with the player character had been anything like that.
I try my best to dismiss the hug from my mind but it keeps coming back to the surface. It wasn't cheating or anything like that, so why did I feel guilty? Why had Sayori done that? If she'd spotted my disturbed feelings, it didn't bode well. Still, Sayori was adept at finding excuses for my odd behavior. Everyone besides me is just game characters, eager to believe everything was normal.
They agree to share poems, like normal. The main poem minigame was critical to the game's routing, so it was still intact. The other poems, not so much. They didn't generate correctly anymore. Disappointing, but sacrifices had to be made.
Sayori drops a surprise kiss on my forehead as she leaves with the player character, sparking another rush of feelings that distracts me long enough for her and the player character to leave without my input. Annoying. It's more difficult to manage expectations if I'm being acted upon instead of acting. Once everyone is gone, I move to the space room. No need to actually clean up.
My phone rings, puncturing the silence of the space room. The player seems to have stepped away from the computer, so I've got time.
"Sayori?"
"Hi there Monika! Do you want to go out sometime this week?"
Not really something that can happen. "Sorry, Sayori. Between my homework and the preparation for the festival, I don't think I'll have any time this week. Although, we could work together on festival preparation!"
Sayori is silent for a long time.
"You still there?" Monika asks.
Sayori’s voice drops. "Why did you really ask me out, Monika?"
I give her my best fake laugh. "What are you talking about? I like you a lot Sayori, and even if I'm busy right now, that doesn't mean I don't have feelings."
"You don't even try to meet with me outside of the club. You don't touch me or do anything,” Sayori accuses. “Are you- are you just doing this to look like an ally to one of your other friends? Because that's really shitty, Monika."
"No, no, that's not it."
"Then explain yourself!" Sayori yells.
I go with an edited version of the truth. "There's someone who's interested in me, but I don't want to be in a relationship with them right now. It can be hard to say no to these kinds of things, so I'm using you as a shield. You don't mind, right?"
I can almost hear Sayori's smile. "Not at all. I'll be the most lovey-dovey girlfriend you can imagine. You should have told me!"
"Sorry, sorry,” I tell her, waving my hand. “I'm sort of embarrassed I had to do this. I like to think I'm better than this."
"It's not shameful to need a little more help, okay? We're friends, we can tell each other these things."
I wish we were really friends, that I had someone to confide in. But I'm alone in this hell.
"I'll consider that in the future. But I've got to get back to work!"
"Okay!” Sayori chirps. “Don't be weird when I kiss you tomorrow!"
Kiss?