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It was just three hours ago when Zachary Stone came up with his plan to get famous and a girlfriend at the same time. All he has to do is make his own version of The Bachelor, starring himself, of course, as The Bachelor. Greg (Begrudgingly) is always somehow a part of Zach’s plans in some way. Even if that means being the host of a dating show called the Zachelor. This is how, three hours after his genius idea, Zach is sitting on his bed watching clips of The Bachelor off of his computer with his best friend in the whole world.
This is embarrassing for him to admit, but Zach’s never been kissed. Not ever. He’s 17 (18 in a month and three days) and he’s never kissed a girl. Watching the figures on his laptop screen embrace, he wonders what it feels like. On one hand, it seemed super gross. On the other hand, everyone sings its praises so it must be at least kinda nice. It’s not that Zach hasn’t had his fair share of crushes in his life. Christy, Amy, that girl from the third grade, etc. He’s just never gotten to the kissing part.
Oh no. What if I’m bad at kissing?
What if he fumbles his chance at getting famous and getting a girlfriend because he’s so bad at kissing that The Zachelor flops?
He simply won’t let it happen.
His eyes flicker to Greg. Mentally, he traces his features. His hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips. His lips! His lips!!! Zach can practice kissing on Greg! Who’s the one person who won’t judge him for being a bad kisser? Who’s the one person he can kiss without any worries about any romantic… messiness (They’re both completely straight, after all)? Also, Greg has experience kissing. Therefore, he could give some valuable advice.
“Hey Greg?”
“Yeah?”
Zach’s next sentence comes out as a sort of mumble. For some reason, his whole face is now completely overheated.
“Huh?” Asks Greg in response, looking at him softly and cocking his head. Zach’s hands go completely sweaty and he can feel his heart trying to escape from his chest.
“So… um… y’know how I’ve never like… kissed anyone, right?” Zach says, fully panicking now. He isn’t quite sure why he’s so nervous to just practice kissing his friend. It’s just so he doesn’t make a fool out of himself on TV.
“Yeah?” Greg’s now looking at him in that way that’s like… whatever.
“So I was like… um… thinking that we could kiss each other. For practice,” He says, the last two words rushing out of his mouth and tumbling over each other.
For a second (which is about four days and two hours in Zach time), they just stare at each other. Zach’s face is now completely red, and if he isn’t mistaken, so is Greg’s. Zach swallows, hard. Maybe this was all a huge mistake and he’s just being stupid again. He always have to fuck up rvery good thing he has going. Maybe-
“I mean… sure. Why not?” replies Greg.
That’s how, at 7 pm on a Thursday, Zach is kissing his best friend on his bed while The Bachelor plays in the background. Zach’s hands are balled up in his Hoodie pocket and his face is completely stiff. He’s sweating more than he has in his whole life, and quite frankly, he feels physically ill. Mental note: girls probably don’t find anxiety-barfing into their mouth sexy. However, despite all of that, he never wants to stop. He thinks this is the magical feeling everyone describes. Greg’s hands are cupping his face and Oh My God Holy Fuck his hands are soft. Zach’s heartbeat has quickened to the steady pace of a machine gun, which would be concerning if he could think about literally anything but the way Greg’s lips fit with his.
And then they pull apart.
Zach is completely winded, even though the kiss was short. His face is beyond red and his whole body feels both completely numb and like it’s on fire at the same time. Greg’s lips look pink, and Zach’s eyes are fixed on Greg’s lips. Zach glances down to notice a tent in his pants. Fuck, was that there the whole time? He must have been too wrapped up in the kiss to notice. He brings his knees up to his chest to prevent any teasing from Greg.
Damn, all this from a practice kiss? I wonder what the real thing feels like. And it is just a practice kiss
“Pretty good. I have some notes,” replies Greg, mercifully breaking the silence.
“Hit me,” replies Zach. Greg swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down a bit. Zach feels like he’s going to pass out.
“Well, you’re gonna want to do something with your hands. Like cup her face or something. Also make sure you tip your head a little so you don’t hit her nose or her teeth or something,” Greg says. Zach just nods weakly, still out of breath.
“Can I try again? To like, apply my uh, newfound knowledge?” Asks Zach, chewing his lower lip. Greg replies with another kiss.
This kiss is different, better. Zach doesn’t feel quite as nauseous with nerves this time, so he can actually focus in on the kiss. Zach learns he really likes kissing. Greg’s lips are warm and soft. He likes the closeness. He likes the feeling of Greg’s warm breath on his face. He likes the way his heart does flips when Greg runs his hands through his hair. Suddenly remembering what Greg told him, he tilts his head to the side. He also raises his hands to Greg’s face, double-handed cupping it way too hard. Greg let out a small surprised noise at the pressure, alerting Zach to loosen his grip and fully remove one of his hands. As he does, he runs his thumb over some scruff. His spine prickles at the sensation.
This is just practice , Zach reminds himself. We’re just two completely straight dudes heterosexually kissing each other so that I can get famous. Practice. Practice. It’s practice.
At this point, Greg has pushed Zach down onto his back. Zach giggles into Greg’s mouth at the gesture, but they never break their lips apart. Not until-
“Hey do you have my… oh. Oh. OH!”
“ANDY GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM!”