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Today Doflamingo felt like he was being watched by someone. Not just one pair of eyes but several. He shrugged it off and continued walking down his path.
His friends (he calls the other Warlords his friends but not all of them agree with the term) wanted to meet up with him for a reason that he doesn’t know. He assumed it was for some summer fun time together.
“Fufufu! I wonder what we’ll do!”
With five Warlords having Devil Fruits, it’d be impossible for them to have a pool party. Well, floating around in a big flamingo float sounds like a nice idea. But five of them floating in their respective animals in the pool though…. not so nice of an idea. He can already imagine all five of them sinking to the bottom of the pool after an argument of some sort.
He stopped at an area where there was a railing overlooking the sea. He takes a look around, trying to spot his fellow Warlords.
No one. How very typical. He’s first again.
Doflamingo looked out at the sea, wondering what else they would do. As he ran through several ideas, the feeling of eyes on him grew even stronger. He glances behind him and all he sees is buildings. Maybe someone’s sneaking glances at him in the tiny spaces in between the buildings…
Doflamingo wouldn’t blame them. He is a fabulous king that deserves all the attention.
There was a loud splash. His head whipped back, seeing Jinbei shooting up from the water and then landing gracefully beside him behind the rails.
“Fufufu! Very impressive, Jinbei!” Doflamingo applauded at the clean landing. “Say, that is certainly a fast way to travel. Is it faster than a ship?”
“I can keep up with them if I put my mind to it,” Jinbei answered him. “It’s nothing too impressive. I’m sure you can match ship speeds as well.”
“Perhaps by air but I have a huge disadvantage doing that…”
“Anyway, Doflamingo… I have an important question for you.” Jinbei’s tone shifted as he gave him a hard look. “Answer me truthfully.”
“Hmm?”
Jinbei pointed at Doflamingo’s legs. “Have you ever considered shaving?”
Doflamingo stared at the Fishman like he just asked the most ridiculous question ever. That was because it is a ridiculous question! Just what was he on about?! Why would he shave his beautiful leg hair?
There was a long, awkward silence before Jinbei spoke again.
“So… I’m guessing that’s a no then.”
“Of course, it’s a no! Why would you ask…“ Doflamingo paused, seeing Jinbei getting into a fighting stance. “Jinbei? What are you—“ was all he could get out before Jinbei used one of his Fishman techniques, his palm striking the flamingo directly on his stomach.
It knocked the air out of Doflamingo as he was sent flying back, slamming into a building. He let out a wheeze as he coughed, trying to get his breathing back to normal.
If he hadn't used Haki to protect himself, he was sure that he would have been knocked out.
“Jinbei!” Doflamingo growled. “What the hell was that for?!”
“I knew someone like you wouldn’t be willing to shave your legs,” Jinbei told him. “But don’t worry, we will convince you otherwise.”
“You—Wait, what do you mean ‘we’?!”
Not even a second passed when those words left his mouth when a sword slash whizzed through the building he was leaning against, missing him by mere inches. The building was cut cleanly in half and began collapsing.
Doflamingo fled on foot, dashing through the narrow space onto another street.
This clean swordsmanship… That got to be Mihawk! Sure enough, the swordsman jumped down from a building, running alongside Doflamingo.
“Doflamingo. Don’t make this any harder than it is,” Mihawk told him. “Just shave your legs.”
“Over my dead body!” Strings shot at Mihawk which he easily deflected with Yoru.
“Hmph. So be it.” He lunges forward with a powerful swing of his arm. Doflamingo manages to put up a protective spider net to block it.
Doflamingo stretches out his arm, attaching a string to the ledges of a tall building. He gives a hard pull, propelling himself up in the air. Before he could get on the roof, multiple flying slashes caused his string to snap and what’s worse, some parts of his beloved pink coat got sliced off.
“Watch the feathers, you bastard!” he shouted out before landing hard on his back. He winced but didn’t have time to be hurt. He let out a high-pitched shriek as he saw the tip of Yoru descending right on him. Doflamingo rolled over and Yoru slammed into where he was just a second ago with Mihawk standing on the crossguards.
“What the fuck?!” Doflamingo scrambled up, his face paling at his near death. “You almost impaled me!”
“You said ‘over my dead body’,” Mihawk reminded him.
Doflamingo grimaced. “Okay, that was my fault. I did not mean that. Let me take back my words.”
Mihawk pulls his sword out of the ground. “Then will you shave your legs?”
Doflamingo’s answer was quick and short. “Fuck no!”
The swordsman had no remorse in his eyes and his voice as he raised his sword. “Then die.”
His next slash nearly sent Doflamingo off his feet. He stumbled forward, having narrowly avoided getting cut, and ducked into a nearby building. He ran as if his life depended on it and it really did. Mihawk looks and will cut him with no hesitation. He weaved in and out of buildings, crashing through doors and jumping through the windows.
Building after building was getting slashed apart by Mihawk. Doflamingo stops to catch his breath in a house, panting heavily. He peeks out a window, seeing random buildings get slashed apart. Fortunately, he lost the swordsman. Just when he was feeling relieved, he noticed something in the distance
It was Kuma. Kuma was compressing an enormous paw bubble at the top of a tower. An ‘oh shit, this can’t be happening’ smile appeared on Doflamingo’s face and all he could do was watch as the giant paw bubble was compressed into a literal small bomb. It descended into the town, enveloping it in a blinding white light, and erupted into a huge shockwave.
Needless to say, it absolutely annihilated everything in the area.
“Did I get him?” Kuma called out to Mihawk and Jinbei who were standing below, surveying the area. Now without any buildings in the way, it’ll be super easy to spot a flamingo running about.
Mihawk’s eyes narrowed, seeing movement under debris. “There!” he shouted out and pointed in that direction. “Doflamingo is over there!”
“Somehow alive…” Doflamingo pulls himself out of the wreckage, shaking off any debris on his coat. “Isn’t harming citizens going to raise red flags for you guys?!”
“Shisisisi! That’s why we told everyone to evacuate beforehand!” Moria’s voice boomed out.
Doflamingo turns to see Moria at the edge of the town, just sitting there. He guessed he was just out of Kuma’s range since he was unscathed.
“Why the hell do you guys want me to shave my legs!?!”
“It’s summertime!” Moria explained. “Everyone has their legs shaved but you, it’s a bad look.”
“A bad look?!” Doflamingo repeated, incredulously. He gestured wildly at his pants. “I’m wearing these just to show off my sexy calves with my equally sexy leg hair!”
Moria wrinkled his face in disgust. “Well, the rest of us disagree. We only need you to shave for the summer, it can grow—“
“It won’t be the same!”
Moria stared at him. “… what do you mean?”
“I grew up with them, how can I just…” Doflamingo’s voice turned into a hushed whisper, afraid to even say the horrific word out loud. “ Shave my treasured leg hair!”
“Ugh… we’re getting nowhere like this,” Moria folded his arms. “If you don’t want to shave your legs, then I’ll make you.”
“Oh? And how will you do that while you’re over there?”
Moria pointed behind Doflamingo, making him turn around. Moria’s shadow, Doppelman, looms over him. Right, he almost forgot that Moria could do that.
“Um… five seconds head start?” he asked, tentatively.
“I’ll give you three, that’s it.”
Not wasting any precious time, Doflamingo ran. Well, he took a couple of steps before something grabbed his feet, holding him down in place. Multiple zombies crawled out of the rubble under him, all grabbing at him.
“This is NOT fair!” Doflamingo shouted out. “You told me I have a three-second head start!”
Moria snorted. “Yeah, with my shadow.”
The cold flesh against his legs felt so disgusting. Doflamingo’s eyes widened as he saw something even more terrifying. In each of the zombie’s free hands were plastic razors.
Oh hell no. No one is going to touch his precious leg hair, alive or dead.
“Get off of me!” Doflamingo screamed as he hurriedly flicked a finger, letting a string amputate all the zombies’ arms.
With that he was free but his three-second headstart had run out. Doppelman descends on him, swiping its arm in an effort to grab Doflamingo. He jumps to the right, smirking at his effortless dodge until he sees a barrage of flying sword slashes heading his direction.
Unable to use his strings in time, Doflamingo pulled his arms forward to protect himself and coated his body in Haki. He gritted his teeth as the slashes reached him, trying his best to hold out all while running.
He spots Mihawk, Kuma, and Jinbei gathered in one spot. The swordsman was watching him intently, gripping Yoru in two hands.
It looks like Mihawk really wants to take him down. Did he do something to piss that man off recently!?! No… that swordsman had a barely visible amused smile on his face.
That bastard! He’s just here for fun, isn’t he?!
At least his sword slashes are helping him as well as Moria’s shadow is getting cut in the crossfire. Doppelman’s arm gets cut off by one of the slashes and Doflamingo smirks. His smirk did not last for a second as the amputated arm burst into a bunch of shadow bats.
“Fuck!” Doflamingo screeched as the bats swarmed over him and started biting him all over his body. One of them lands a hard bite right on his buttocks, making him let out a painful yelp. “I hate these things!”
The slashes assault had stopped by now, replaced by bats instead. Doflamingo swatted and smacked around frantically, trying to get the bats off of him. The bats slowed him down just enough for Moria’s shadow to grab him, pinning him down to the ground. Doflamingo tries to break free, struggling in its grasp.
“Now! Hancock, do it now!” Moria shouted out.
Doflamingo looks up to see Hancock in front of him with a wide, confident smile on her face.
“We knew you’d try to escape by sea with your strings so we had Moria and Mihawk direct you to me,” she explained. “It’s over for you now, Doflamingo! You can’t escape.”
“Hey Moria, let go of me!” Doflamingo shrieked as he squirmed in the shadow’s grasp.
Moria just watches him struggle, laughing loudly. “Kishishishi! Don’t worry, Doflamingo! Once we tie you up real good, she’ll turn you back and we can shave your legs.”
“Bastards! All teaming up on me like this! You’re all cowards!”
Hancock stretched out her arms, forming a heart with her hands. “Mero-Mero Mellow!”
“You can’t do this to me!” Doflamingo let out one last shout before a heart-shaped beam shot right through him.
Doppelman lets go of Doflamingo’s body and the Warlords smiled, knowing that they had won.
Hancock sighed. “Finally, we can shave that awful hair off of—“
“My leg hair is NOT awful!”
Hancock froze as she heard Doflamingo’s voice. To her shock, the flamingo was standing upright with an angry scowl on his face.
“Y-you… H-how…” Hancock sputtered out. “I used my ability on you! How can it be that you’re not even the slightest attracted to me!?!”
“Attracted to you ?” Doflamingo repeated, snickering. “Why would I? Well… my favorite type is black-haired but I never said black-haired women did I?”
Hancock staggered backward with a loud gasp at this shocking revelation. “N-no way…” She begins to faint with a hand over her forehead and then collapses to the ground.
“The plan was a failure!” Jinbei cried out. “I can’t believe Hancock’s fruit didn’t work…”
“With just Moria, he’s bound to escape…” Kuma sighed.
Mihawk stares hard at Doflamingo in the distance, studying the bird, and his eyes lit up in realization. “… I see. That’s not Doflamingo.”
“Huh?”
“That’s his string clone.”
“Really!?!” Kuma looks over to the three in the distance.
“Hey, Moria!” Jinbei shouted out. “That’s his clone! It’s not really him!”
“String clone…?!” Moria’s shadow swipes its claws at the Doflamingo in front of him. Not bothering to dodge, the body was sliced apart, showing a multitude of strings moving about.
“Fufufufu! Fooled ya, didn’t I?” The clone sticks out a tongue tauntingly. Its mocking laugh was still there as it disassembles itself, making Moria turn into an angry shade of red.
“Where’s the real Doflamingo hiding?!” Moria surveyed the area and his shadow began to dig through the debris. “Come out, already!”
“I don’t think he’s hiding,” Mihawk said to Jinbei and Kuma. “He used his clone as a distraction… most likely he’s already escaping.” He pointed in the direction that had clouds. “See, he’s about to fly off.”
“What should we do?” Kuma asked. “We can’t get him while he’s over the sea.”
“He’s too far away for me to catch up as well,” Jinbei added, defeatedly.
“Have you forgotten?”
Kuma and Jinbe look at Mihawk, confused.
Mihawk smirked. “We have an ace up our sleeves.”
Off in the distance, Doflamingo’s poor feathered coat had been downsized, only half of it intact. His clothes were battered and dirty and his glasses’ lens cracked. He sighed in relief though since all of his leg hair was safe. All two hundred and thirty-six of them.
“Good thing, I made a copy of myself to distract them while I crawl my way out from under the debris…”
“Hey, you pink bastard!”
“Hmm?” Doflamingo looks back, seeing Crocodile standing there. Oh no… he should probably hurry up and get out of here before Crocodile flies over at him in his sand form. Like Mihawk, Crocodile will kill him but the difference is that Crocodile will definitely kill him.
He guessed Crocodile must be their last line of defense. He glances back at the reptile with a sneer.
“No matter what you’d say, I won’t shave my legs, not even for you!” Doflamingo called out. “Fufufu! You can just give up!”
Crocodile bites his lips as he clenches his hand. He knows. He is their last line of offense. Their ace. Their trump card. He prayed that Doflamingo would be caught by the others so he would not have to do this but now it all comes down to him.
He sucks in a deep breath and shouted as loud as he possibly could.
“Doflamingo! I… I actually— I–I ACTUALLY LIKE MEN WITH SMOOTH, HAIRLESS LEGS! IN FACT, IF YOU WERE TO SHAVE YOUR LEGS, I WILL ALLOW YOU TO SHARE A BED WITH ME!”
Crocodile said it all in one go, huffing as his face burned bright red.
Doflamingo was dangling in mid-air, jaws slacked at Crocodile’s confession. At first, there was this inner turmoil inside of him. He doesn’t want to shave his legs. Leg hair was his most treasured thing about himself. How could he possibly shave it all off just like that?! His most precious leg hair?! He finds his leg hair attractive and sexy, he can’t just—
His eyes widened.
Crocodile.
Himself.
Share.
Bed.
Crocodile. Himself. Share. Bed.
Bed. Share. Himself. Crocodile.
In bed together with Crocodile.
Oh fuck.
In that instant, by sheer will alone, all of the hair on his leg came right off. His legs were now as smooth as butter and his calves are still as attractive as it was with leg hair.
Crocodile watched it all happen, his mouth agape. “Okay. What the actual fuck.”
“Croccy~~!!!” Doflamingo throws himself right onto Crocodile, sending the shorter Warlord stumbling backward from the bird’s weight. “Fufufu! I thought about it and I think you guys were right~ Having smooth legs is also very nice!”
The rest of the Warlords also bear witness to the leg hair coming right off that flamingo's leg.
“I did not know that was humanly possible…” Moria muttered.
“I guess anything’s possible if one’s love is big enough…” Kuma said.
There was a slight pause before Jinbei spoke up. “... I think you mean lust.”
Mihawk looks down at Hancock who was still passed out. “We only have one casualty and we achieved our goal. I’d say it’s our win.”
“I think Crocodile’s the only one who lost…” Moria pointed out. “Oh yeah, Hancock too.”
Doflamingo and Crocodile were walking towards them with the flamingo holding Crocodile’s hand tightly. It was as if nothing happened earlier. The flamingo was very giddy and planted a kiss on Crocodile’s forehead. Crocodile’s face was still red, a fact that he tries to hide with his hook.
Operation Shave Doflamingo’s Legs: Huge Success with minor casualties and losses.