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The Warlords look at the table before them, unable to take their eyes away. It has dishes lined up one after another but more importantly, loads of alcohol. Expensive-looking bottles were at every section of the table and there were even barrels nearby.
All seven of them were eyeing their favorite plates and drinks with the same idea in their heads.
“Oh nooo…” Doflamingo drawled out, feigning disappointment. “It looks like our favorite Fleet Admiral isn’t here today. His buddies seem to be missing too.”
“What a shame,” Jinbei added. “That the Marines won’t be joining us.”
“But look how considerate of them to leave us all these food and drinks!” Hancock was all smiles, already holding chopsticks in one hand. “I believe this is their way to thank us for our hard work.”
“It’ll be rude for us to not accept all this,” Crocodile told them, his eyes never leaving the delicious crocodile meat dish, decorated with tomato slices and other vegetables. “Don’t you think so too, Hawk-Eyes?”
“Hmm, why of course,” Mihawk replied. “I don’t see a reason not to.”
Kuma’s hand was slowly sliding towards a salmon dish, not so discreetly.
Moria couldn’t take it anymore. He slams a fist down on the table, fork in hand. “Let’s all dig in already!”
At that, all the Warlords’ hands shot forward as they hurried to grab what they wanted. It was like kids, scrambling to take as much candy as they could from the ground. A couple of insults and curses were thrown about when one of them had their dishes snatched but for the most part, all of them were able to get their hands on what they wanted.
They began to chow down, all in a great mood.
Doflamingo was about to pick up his lobster tail with a fork when a barbecued meat skewer landed on his plate. His face blanching brought a pleased smirk on Crocodile’s face, one that he couldn’t hide in time when the flamingo looked back up.
The skewer harmlessly shot through Crocodile’s head. The smirk was still on his face when he materialized back.
“You’re picky for someone your age,” he teased as he picked up another skewer to turn the other side of the small grill in front of him. “What is wrong with barbecue?”
Doflamingo practically jumps out of his seat, taking a couple of steps backward. “Hey! Th-that grill!” he pointed a shaky finger at it. “That was NOT there before! Who brought it here?!”
There was loud snickering and a knife flew at Moria. His shadow catches it and places it back on the table. It couldn’t stop the grill from getting thrown across the room by Doflamingo’s strings though.
“I thought barbecue was perfect for this occasion!” Moria said with glee before he started laughing, joined by Crocodile.
A vein appeared on Doflamingo’s forehead. Ever since they had found that he had an aversion to barbecue and grill, the two of them had been messing with him whenever they could. But today he came prepared (for Crocodile, he’s still working on Moria). He reaches into his feathered coat and pulled out a ketchup bottle. Coming up from behind Crocodile, he begins writing in ketchup on top of his crocodile meat, making sure to add a heart at the end.
The two stopped laughing and Crocodile just stared at his plate, utterly horrified at what he was witnessing. Once Doflamingo was done, he flung the bottle at Moria which the shadow catches as well.
A sloppy ‘ENJOY♡’ was written on the meat in ketchup.
Doflamingo gave a firm pat on Crocodile’s shoulder and sneered. “You’re very welcome~” he sang cheerfully. “Be sure to leave a tip.”
By the time the flamingo got back to his seat, Crocodile’s whole body began to shake. That flamingo had just ruined a perfectly fine crocodile dish.
“Tip…?” Crocodile repeated through clenched teeth. “Sure, I’ll leave you a tip !” His body started to break down into sand, beginning with his right hand. He’s going to dry that bird up until he becomes nothing but—water suddenly splashed all over him, putting a stop to his abilities.
Crocodile sputtered out a couple of curses before shooting a death glare across the table. “Why you–”
“No sand on the table,” Jinbei cut him off with a firm tone. “It’ll ruin the food.”
Crocodile continued to glare at Jinbei. When his eyes went on Doflamingo (who gave him a cheeky wave), Jinbei threateningly raised the bucket of water.
“Ugh… fine!” He let out an exasperated huff as he sat back down. “But did you really have to throw water on me?!”
“No, but it’s very effective.” Jinbei places the bucket back on the ground, glad to have the hindsight to keep it next to him.
“Tch…” Crocodile shrugged off his wet coat, putting it over his seat. “At least I can dry myself quicker than others.”
Doflamingo was trying his best to not burst out laughing when Jinbei turned to him with a stern look.
“And Doflamingo, don’t go ruining people’s food!”
“What?! How did I ruin Crocodile’s food? I think I made it better.” Doflamingo pulled out another ketchup bottle from his coat and squeezed some of it out on his own plate. He dips a piece of chicken in it and begins eating it, making exaggerated ‘mmmm’ noises while chewing. He gives a thumbs up, doing it all while facing Crocodile.
Crocodile looks absolutely disgusted at the display that he instantly loses his appetite and pushes away his plate. Mihawk pours a glass of wine and without a word, offers it to Crocodile who accepts it.
“Where are your table manners?” Hancock was scolding Kuma like a parent would to a child and Kuma sure looks like a guilty kid. “The honey is even at my side of the table!” She gestured at the honey seeping all over the tabletop.
“I’m sorry… I got excited…” Kuma admitted sheepishly as he started to clean the spilled honey up with napkins.
Fortunately, no other conflict was arising from that point on. That was until Doflamingo got an idea.
“How about we have a drinking contest?” the flamingo suggested as he pointed to the corner of the room. “Those beer barrels aren’t going to drink themselves so let’s have some fun.”
The other Warlords stared at him, already able to see the numerous ways this could go south. Doflamingo scowled at the lack of enthusiasm from the others.
“No? That’s fine. I’m sure you guys can’t handle alcohol well anyways.”
The other Warlords’ faces fell with a deep scowl. In a flash, all of them have a glass filled with beer in front of them and barrels alongside their seats. Doflamingo has this shit-eating grin on his face while he lays out how this competition will go.
All Warlords have to chug their drink at the same time. If they can’t finish every drop of their beer in a single go, they are out of the competition. This keeps going until only one Warlord is able to continue. Vomiting or cheating automatically gets one disqualified.
“If we’re all participating, then who’s going to be the referee?” Kuma asked.
Doflamingo grins widely as he pulls out a goat from his feathered coat and places it on the table. “Sengoku’s goat is!” he proclaimed, excitedly.
“Where are you getting these things?!” Kuma exclaimed before looking down at the goat. “And… did he kidnap you?!”
The goat only bleated in response before it started eating some vegetables off a plate.
“Using an animal as a referee…” Jinbei sighed. “This cannot be a good idea.”
“Definitely not but I’m looking forward to seeing that bird blacking out.” Crocodile had a confident smirk on his face. “The very least I can do is beat him in a simple drinking game.”
“Let’s just get this over with!” Hancock raises her glass. “Is everybody ready?”
The rest of their Warlords raise their beer in response.
“At the count of three! One! Two!—“ Her ‘three’ was drowned out by the goat’s loud bleat.
All Warlords down their first glass easily with no problem. There was a competitive air surrounding the seven Warlords as they went through the next beers just as easily. When everyone’s barrels are down a quarter, Hancock was the only one who had any physical indications that she was drunk. This comes in the form of flushed cheeks.
“Shishishi! Hancock, you’re turning red,” Moria pointed out. “Don’t tell me you’re about to drop out.”
“It’s just genetics. Nothing more.” Hancock told him as she filled her jug back up. “And as if I’m going to be the first to drop out.”
By the time there was only half a beer in the barrel, Hancock’s entire face was red, looking quite dazed.
“What’s wrong, Hancock?” Doflamingo asked while laughing. “Is this your limit? You look very drunk.”
“Shuddah!” Hancock shouted out, slamming a fist on the table. “I’m not drunk! I am sober! S-oh-ber! Okay?!”
“Sober? If you say so, fufufu!”
“Hey flamingo, you’re doing awfully well yourself,” Crocodile commented, his eyes narrowing. “You don’t seem even a little drunk… as if you had never taken a sip of beer yet.”
“What are you trying to imply, Crocodile? Besides, it’s you that looks like someone that hasn’t taken a sip of beer!” Doflamingo gestured in the reptile’s direction. “There is no way someone like you would be able to handle half a barrel!”
The two snarled at each other. He’s definitely cheating, they both thought in unison.
“I wonder what kind of underhanded tactics you’re using.”
“Me ? I bet you’re the one that’s cheating in some way!”
The two went back and forth until Mihawk spoke up.
“You’re both cheating,” he stated, plainly.
The two whipped their heads towards Mihawk (who was seated in between them). “Oh yeah?! Prove it!” they retorted.
Mihawk stares at the two of them with a stony expression. “Okay,” was all he said as he unfolded his arms. He starts with Doflamingo first.
“Well Doflamingo, I noticed that your beer,” Mihawk air-quoted ‘beer’ with his hands. “, is a slightly different color. No foam either. I’m guessing you got a different barrel for yourself.”
Then he turns towards Crocodile.
“And Crocodile. You stick a thumb in your glass and dry out the beer while you pretend to drink it.”
The two cheats stare at Mihawk, speechless and unable to defend themselves.
“Cheaters!” Hancock hollered out as she pointed at the two. “Doflamingo and Crocodile are big dirty cheaters!!”
“You’re both disqualified." Jinbei shakes his head, disapprovingly. “I can’t believe you two… I should have figured you two would cheat.” Both of them just scoffed in response, not even ashamed of being caught red-handed.
“Hey, Crocodile… isn’t Hawk-Eyes suspicious?” Doflamingo whispered to Crocodile. “Drinking this much but still able to notice these things…”
“I agree,” Crocodile whispered back. “Something’s going on here...”
Mihawk let out a sigh. "You know I can hear you two... you're whispering over me after all. Besides, if I'm cheating then how am I doing it?"
A very good question. Just how is Mihawk cheating? The two conducted a full-body search, rummaging through the swordsman's pockets but found nothing. They even checked his hat but came up empty-handed. As a last resort, Doflamingo peeks into the barrel to see if he was using the same tactic as him. Nothing. They slump back in their seats, sighing with defeat.
“…Now that I think about it, Mihawk’s the one that hauls us out of the bar whenever we get too drunk.”
Crocodile nodded, recalling those hazy moments. “But half a barrel… that’s ridiculous considering Mihawk’s size…”
Mihawk only smiled, taking it as a compliment.
The Warlords resumed the drinking competition and the two cheats decided to have their own little competition with just the two of them.
After a couple more empty glasses, another Warlord seems to be visibly changed.
“Moria, you don’t look so well,” Kuma said, sounding almost concerned, picking up his glass of beer. “I think you should stop.”
“I’m fine,” Moria grumbled out but it was clear from the grimace on his face that he was not fine.
“Are you certain? You look like you’re about to—“
“I said that I’m fine!” Moria snapped. The Warlords downed the beer and Moria was starting to look very sick.
“Moria, I don’t think—“
“Kuma, I told you already! I—“ Before Moria could finish, his face started to turn green. His hands flew to his mouth and he scrambled off his chair, only able to make it a couple of steps before he threw up on the floor.
The goat bleated, disapprovingly and Kuma shook his head. “I tried to warn him.”
“You’re cleaning that up,” Jinbei told them. “Next time, make sure you have a bucket next to you. You’ll never know how handy it’ll become.”
All Moria could do was groan as he stumbled around, looking for a mop. He never liked the taste of beer and especially not more than half a barrel full of beer.
“Ahh… hic… ” Hancock hiccups as she pours himself a beer. Her jug was full but she kept pouring and soon her area overflowed with beer.
“Look at that, Crocodile!” Doflamingo was slurring his words, obviously drunk from his contest with Crocodile. He pointed at Hancock. “I think she’s going a bit overboard.”
“Kuahaha, you’d better drink it all up, snake!” Crocodile said before taking another swig of his drink.
“I’m… ready…” Hancock mumbled and proceeded to chug her glass before anyone could do anything. She couldn’t finish it, the rest of its contents spilling out when her jug dropped down on the table. Her eyes fluttered close and she slumped back in a seat with a loud snore.
Mihawk stares at his glass before he places it back on the table. “I’m dropping out,” he said. “I… I can’t drink anymore.”
“Huh!?!” Doflamingo pokes at Mihawk’s cheek. “You don’t look drunk, are you drunk?”
Mihawk looks at Doflamingo with a never changing expression. “Yes, I am.”
“No way… come on, drink some more!” Doflamingo grabs Mihawk’s glass and brings it right up in front of his face. “One more! One more glass!”
Crocodile puts an arm around Mihawk, smirking. “It’s good to let loose sometimes, Mihawk.”
While the two of them try to coerce Mihawk to continue drinking, Jinbei and Kuma were speeding up the competition. The two of them had ditched the jugs, now holding a barrel in one hand.
“All in one go?” Jinbei asked which Kuma nodded in response.
The two of them chugged down the rest of their barrels. Both of them finish their beer at the same time, ending with Jinbei panting and Kuma with no changes. Kuma was about to grab another beer barrel when Jinbei holds up a hand, stopping him.
“There’s no need, Kuma,” Jinbei said with a wide grin. “I’m sure you can drink more than one barrel with no problem but as for me, I’m at my limit.”
“Then… I won?”
The goat made its way over to Kuma, bleating triumphantly as each Warlord (except for Hancock who was still sleeping) congratulate Kuma, with the expectation being Moria who was less than elastic with the way the drinking competition turned out.
With still more food and alcohol to go, the Warlords all begin to indulge themselves once more.
Doflamingo and Crocodile successfully got Mihawk to drink with them and the swordsman was actually laughing alongside Crocodile at one of Doflamingo’s dumb jokes. Hancock was still sleeping, occasionally letting out a snore that rattled the empty plates near her. Moria’s shadow was drawing at her face with a marker that Moria found, trying his best to keep quiet while doing so.
Kuma decided to let loose, drinking as much beer as he could while Jinbei watched and cheered him on, drinking some sake to go along with it.
By the end of it all, each one of them got very drunk if they weren’t already.
Doflamingo was standing on top of the table, showing off his Devil Fruit abilities. When he created an exact string copy of Sengoku, those that were watching him stood up and applauded as if that was the greatest thing that they had ever seen.
“Fufufu! Thank you, thank you!!” Doflamingo bowed, well attempted to bow. He tripped over himself, stumbling forward, and was only able to stop himself inches away from the table’s edge.
Crocodile squinted, trying to focus on what was directly in front of him. Through his fuzzy vision, he realized that it was the bird's obnoxious pink pants that brought a deep scowl to his face.
“Flamingo..." he muttered. “Pants… ugly… Don't like them.”
For a moment, Doflamingo just stares at Crocodile, confused and scratching his head. A smile returned to his face when a lightbulb went off his head. If somebody doesn’t like what he was wearing then he can just simply take them all.
And Doflamingo did just that. Except that he didn’t just take his pants off but his feathered coat and shirt as well. Now in just pink boxers, Doflamingo walks around on the table with his pink coat in hand, ripping out the pink feathers everywhere.
“Sakura blooms,” Jinbei said in awe, watching the pink feathers flutter about. “It’s… beautiful…”
Kuma nodded fervently, wiping a tear away from his eye.
While the two shed tears at the beautiful scenery, Moria was also shedding tears but for a completely different reason. He was crying, wailing about something that happened years ago and his own shadow was trying to comfort him to no avail.
Doflamingo can’t have someone upset. Not when everyone else is having a great time. So he does what a reasonable person would do: throw a dance party.
“Let’s dance!!!” With a flick of his wrist, Hancock’s body begins to move. Her body got up from her seat, twirling with elegance as she waltzed around the table. All of this while she was sleeping.
The strings extend to Moria, pulling him onto his feet as he begins to spin and jump around. This puts a stop to his crying at least as his body danced passionately, looking more amazed than anything.
Seeing the two dancing, Mihawk jumps to his feet and hurries in on the fun. He was surprisingly quick and precise with his footwork, clapping his hands at rhythmic intervals.
The rest of the Warlords were quick to join in, strings or no strings. Even Doflamingo’s string clone joined in on the fun, partnering itself with the sleeping Snake Empress. It held her hand, letting her body spin left and right before letting go and twirling its way toward Crocodile.
With its hands on Crocodile’s waist, it lifts him up high in the air. Crocodile does a perfect split with sand flying about to accommodate his lack of flexibility at his age. They do one whole spin before Crocodile is let back down onto his two feet. The clone then went off to find a different partner, leaving Crocodile on his own.
The Warlords laughed, cried, and laughed some more. It was the best dance party that they ever had.
The door to the meeting room opens and Sengoku wants in with a couple of marines behind him. They froze, eyes widening at what they were seeing.
Absolute madness was the only way to describe it.
Shadow bats were flying everywhere and Moria’s shadow was dancing alongside its owner. Hancock had nonsensical doodles and writing all over her face in what looked to be black marker. She was still sleeping but somehow spinning around at the same time, her head dropping back and forth from all the motion. Kuma had Jinbei in his hands, swinging him off the ground as they laughed wholeheartedly, Crocodile was all over the place, Mihawk lifting him up and spinning him around in rapid succession. And in the middle of it, all was Doflamingo on the table in only pink boxers and yet another Doflamingo. The two were in a close embrace with the clothed one leading the tango they were having.
As Doflamingo was spun away, he noticed the Marines standing there. “Ohhh! New people!” he gestured for them to come over. “Fufufu! Join the party! Let’s flamingle!”
Sengoku had an unreadable expression on his face, hidden by his Marine cap. Wordlessly, he turns around and walks out of the room, and closes the door shut, much to the confusion of the other marines. A sudden rage-filled scream tore through the air, jolting every marine and personnel that heard it. It lasted for a whole ten seconds before there was an eerie silence.
The Marines held their breath, bracing themselves for the worst.
The doors open back up and Sengoku walks back to where he was previously. He pushes his glasses up. “Where is Garp…?” he asked in a concerningly calm voice. “I told him to watch the Warlords over the Den Den Mushi.”
Somewhere else in the building, Garp got startled awake. He rubs his eyes and looks around the room. “Did someone just call me?” he muttered. When he saw there was no one in the room he just shrugged and went back to his sleep. Moments later, his Den Den Mushi started ringing but he didn’t stir.
“Fleet Admiral! Garp isn’t picking up his Den Den Mushi,” one of the Marines informed him. “Do you think something happened to him?”
“Knowing him he’s probably snoozing or fooling around...”
There was loud, happy bleating accompanied by a chorus of cheers. All the Marines turned their attention back to the Warlords. They had put a stop to their dance and now throwing Sengoku’s goat in the air, pushing among themselves to catch the animal and then throwing the goat back up. Everyone, including the goat, seems to be having a fun time doing this.
The Marines went wide-eyed at the sight of the Fleet Admiral’s beloved goat tossed around like a beach ball and they frantically look over to Sengoku whose body was shaking violently.
“U-um… Fleet Admiral…” one brave Marine squeaked out. “A-are you… okay?”
There was no verbal response. Sengoku’s body started to enlarge, as his skin turned gold and emitted a golden light.
The Marine shrank back in fear and shock.
“S-S-Sengoku’s transforming!!!”
“Oh god! I-I never saw him use his fruit before!”
“W-what should we do?!”
“Everyone move out! Move out!”
The Marines scramble out of Sengoku’s way, running out of the room. It’s a good thing that they did because once Sengoku was in his Buddha form, he threw a single punch that absolutely obliterated the meeting room. All the Warlords and his goat were thrown up in the air as the room crumbled apart around them.
For better or worse, none of the Warlords were injured in the process. They found the whole thing hilarious, giggling like children in the midst of the wreckage. Sengoku’s goat came out unscathed, popping its head from the debris. Needless to say, they were still drunk off their minds.
The next day, each one of the Warlords had a massive hangover and they were unable to recall the events that transpired nor do they want to know what happened. Along with that, Sengoku's request to abolish the Seven Warlords system was promptly denied.