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Mark Lee should’ve brought a hoodie with him.
Jesus, what a rookie mistake. He knows the drill. Basta may class sa CTC or any of the buildings sa paligid nito, SEC A, B, C, SOM, dapat lagi siyang may bitbit na hoodie, or jacket, windbreaker— kahit ano. Just because Quezon City is a broiler most of the time, and just because his god-forsaken school doesn’t have air conditioning in most of its classrooms (so much for being the Ateneo, huh?), doesn’t mean hindi mala Antarctica ang temperature sa loob ng mga classrooms na favorite ni lord who do have aircon.
He closes the door, trying to avoid the bubbling in his stomach as he looks for a seat. Meron nang mga nauna sa kanya sa classroom, scattered and mostly clustered with their friends. Because his limbs are long and he walks fast, he was able to get to his building a bit earlier than the first bell albeit having the tendency to always be late (he’s a dormer, sue him). He scans the room, reminding his brain to refrain from fidgeting with the Mercedes W11 keychain attached to his bag because he’s a senior now and he has to be more confident. That includes standing straight, keeping his hands sa gilid niya, and reciting again and again in his head that “literally no one cares! just go on with your day! do whatever it is that you want!”. Thankfully, he finds a seat sa 2nd row and sa tapat ng aisle. Perfect enough for concentration and not have to seem like a total nerd.
Right. The jacket situation. He puts his bag behind the seat in his front and takes out his pen. Last first day of college and yet nothing feels different. Siguro, mas ma-sstress lang siya dahil thesis season na, and the looming dread of post-graduation-figuring-your-life-path situation ay paparating na rin but really nothing feels out of the ordinary.
Panibagong class, faces, and names of people he’ll end up forgetting in a little while. Some great grades from generous professors. A shit ton of disappointments and probably a few bad decisions here and there.
Senior year begins with a room too cold for his liking, a forgotten piece of clothing depriving him of warmth, a reminder na holy shit tumatanda na siya! (Alzhemiers na ba to?) tawanan ng mga magkakaibigan sa likod niya, a loud clang of a water jug falling off of someone’s bag, at ang pag dating ng prof niyang maraming letra sa dulo ng kaniyang pangalan.
Mark looks at the air-conditioning machine na rinig ang pag “grrr grrr” nito at unti-unting sinilip ang relo sa kamay. It’s barely 5 minutes since the second bell rang. Honestly, he looks forward to finishing his day so he can come home and kiss his cats on their cute little heads and watch a replay of a formula 1 race that aired way before he even existed on earth. He just has to get this day over with. Business as usual.
It’s the beginning of an end for Mark. He knows it— stamped in his school record. BS Computer Engineering. 4th Year. S.Y 2022-2023. He can almost see the finish line, blurry but still there waiting for the days to pass so people can move on. So he can figure out what’s next.
He can almost taste it.
Kalayaan?
Maybe.
The professor opens the projector and the first slide shows the title of the course. Philo 14. His last philosophy class ever. Sa likod, he hears someone snicker. So syempre, tumingin siya nang patago although hindi niya ito masyadong makita nang maayos dahil the person is at the very back. The source of the sound stands up and brightly tells the prof, “Sir, sorry po. We’re in the wrong classroom.”
The class erupts in joyous laughter, breaking the tension of first-day jitters. Inayos ni Mark ang salamin niya at tahimik na tumawa. He feels it, warmth, a little bit of it, seeping to his bones, filling his lungs with a second of reprieve.
Madaling nagsilabasan ang naligaw na estudyane kasama ang kaibigan nito.
Mark fixes his seat and gets ready to listen to the class.
It’s a bit cold. Dapat talaga nilagay niya na yung jacket niya sa table niya kagabi pa but it’s okay.
He clears his throat and welcomes another day.
🐈
Routines for one Mark Lee are life savers. It keeps him grounded. Para bang may manual siya kung paano siya kikilos sa paparating na araw. Routines are nice, it keeps him organized. Pag ring ng alarm niya at 6:30 AM, diretso niyang bubuksan ang phone niya to check his emails (oo, hindi rin siya makapaniwala na he’s reached that level of adulthood kung saan ang una niyang titignan ay emails sa phone), tatayo ng 7:00 AM para maligo, kakain ng 8:00 AM at aalis ng dorm para makarating nang buhay at maaga sa 9:00 AM class niya.
Right, it takes Mark an hour to get to his class. Nasa labas kasi ng university grounds ang dorm nito, unlike some of his blockmates na sa loob lang ng university kumuha ng dorm. Deal breaker kasi kay Mark na bawal ang pets sa loob at isa ito sa mga rules ng mga dorms inside the campus. And because he’s Mark na hindi kayang mapalayo sa dalawang pusa niyang si gangan at fifi , mas pinili niyang mag dorm na lang sa labas.
Speaking of cats, he’s finished with his last class of the day and he’s about to unlock his door when he notices na bukas na pala ito. He closes his eyes and prepares himself for what craziness he’s about to witness inside.
He slowly opens the door and before he could even speak, kita niya na nakahiga ang best friend niyang si Jaemin Na sa lapag ng sala niya habang tumatakbo ang dalawang pusa niya sa paligid nito.
“Gusto ata akong patayin ng mga pusa mo, Mark Alessandro,” Jaemin says without any life left in his voice. For sure, kanina pa dumating ang bwisita niya at kanina pa rin tineterrorize ng mga anak ni Mark. Well, that’s what you get for being in his dorm almost everyday and being unwanted by the cats. Of course, because Mark is such a caring friend, wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi tawanan ang sitwasyon ng kaibigan.
Picky talaga ang mga pusa ni Mark, he really doesn’t know what to do about that. He remembers the first time his cats met Jaemin nung high school sila at gustong tumambay ni Jaemin kila Mark. Jaemin ended up coming home with a nasty scratch sa pisngi dahil hinagis hagis niya si gangan at fifi na parang mga sanggol. He smiles at the stupid memory.
As he puts down his bag sa upuan ng study table niya, he hears Jaemin na humiyaw dahil baka hinahabol na naman siya ni Fifi.
Routines. Just a usual Monday.
🐈
“So…” Jaemin says tucking himself sa dulo ng Sofa ni Mark, making himself smaller at nagbabaka sakaling di na siya pagtripan ng mga “demonyong” pusa nito (Jaemin’s description, not his. Mark Lee would sacrifice his life for his babies).
Mark finishes rinsing his plates (he doesn’t like it when his sink is dirty) and looks back sa kaibigan niyang parang tanga na takot na takot sa mga maliit na pusa na naglalaro sa tabi ng maliit niyang dining table.
“Anong so?” He removes his apron and hangs it sa hook malapit sa lababo to look at his friend incredulously.
Jaemin changes his position to an Asian squat. “So… Jeno and I have been talking.”
Mark furrows his brows and checks his cabinet kung meron pa siyang Escitalopram for the rest of the week.
“Obviously, Nana. He’s your boyfriend. I’d be really worried kung di kayo nag-uusap.”
Jaemin moans. “God, your brain. Sobrang galing, ah! I mean, seriously. Nag-uusap kami… And…”
Tumalikod nang bahagya si Mark para pasulyap na tignan ang kaibigan. “And…”
“ And he brought up this friend na matagal niya nang kilala like since High School pa and he’s nice. He’s also from Ateneo and he’s taking up Diplomacy and International Relations,” Jaemin blurts out so fast na visibly na siyang hinihingal after matapos.
He surveys na he has enough meds until Saturday. Great, he doesn’t have to worry about going out of his way to go the pharmacy hanggang sa Friday. He puts the small box back sa cabinet and makes his way towards his cats sa lapag.
“Uhuh. Dip IR. Good for him? Jaemin I don’t know what you want me to say,” Mark quips, letting gangan climb up to his lap for cuddles.
Jaemin rolls his eyes. “You’re so fucking difficult when you want to be, you know.”
Tumawa naman si Mark sa inis ng kaibigan. “Fine, fine. What do you want?”
Jaemin stands up from to Sofa to sit on the floor just like Mark but far enough from him para hindi na naman siya pagtangkaan ng mga pusa nito.
“You should meet him!” Jaemin says, excited with matching pag-wiggle pa ng eyebrows and a mirth-filled smile sa mukha nito.
Mark looks at his friend and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Jaemin,” he says pointedly.
Jaemin cross his arms sa harap niya. “Mark Emillian Lee, bakit? Huh”
Mark smiles a little. “Stop making up second names. I’m fine on my own, really.” He proceeds to scratch an itch sa elbow niya, probably from the cat fur.
Jaemin’s energy settles down as he replies, “Alam ko naman yon. Strong independent cat dad with an upcoming degree in Com Eng. But, don’t you want to try? You’re a catch you know? Except sa hindi ka marunong magtago ng spare key mo and honestly, stop putting it sa ilalim ng trash bin because 1, it’s disgusting, and 2 gusto mo bang manakawan?”
Mark continues to pet gangan, sa gilid ng paa nito, fifi is playing with her toy.
“I just. I don’t know. Never lang sumagi sa isip ko. Never saw the need for what— a boyfriend a girlfriend?”
It’s not like Mark is a prude or anything. Wala lang talaga siyang interes sa mga ganitong bagay.
Jaemin sighs. “You always take care of people around you. Dapat ikaw rin naman minsan.”
Gangan purrs like he is agreeing (for once) kay Tito Jaemin niya and cuddles his face sa leg ni Mark.
Jaemin looks at Mark’s cats and then at Mark, sincerely this time. “You deserve it.”
At ramdam din naman ni Mark ang sinseridad sa boses ng kaibigan. It’s just that relationships haven’t really been a priority for Mark. He figures it’s just another work he has to commit himself to. Panibagong kailangang iisip-isipin. He already has so much to think about (sometimes too much na nga). He just thinks adding another box to check on his list is not that enticing. He figures that maybe he’s just not as strong as his other friends, like Jaemin, na ang dami nang commitment sa acads, orgs, at sa pamilya pero ma energy at oras pa rin na kayang ibigay kay Jeno.
Baka maybe he has nothing else to give anymore.
Jaemin looks at his friend and decides to not push it yet. Although he knows he won’t give up on his idea just yet (because duh, he’s Jaemin Na).
“Well, speaking of, Jowa duties. Sunduin ko si Jeno sa Diliman. May kailangan ata bilhin.”
Mark gets gangan off his lap carefully and stands up. “Sure, ay pakisabi pala kay Jeno, I’ll give back his physics notes sa Wednesday.”
Jaemin gets his bag from the ground and makes a beeline to the door. “No probs. Magkikita kayo?”
“Yeah, Nana. He’s my best friend too, if you forgot,” Mark jokes.
Jaemin laughs at tinignan nang masama ang mga pusang nilalaro ang sofa ng kaibigan.
“Just, I don’t know.” His friend scratches his head as he tinkers with the door handle.
“Think about it, huh. I swear, the person is nice— at may sense of humour!!!” Jaemin adds the last part almost too suddenly (at masyadong malakas, jesus his neighbours will kill him).
“Yeah yeah. I’ll ask my cats if gusto nila ng panibagong tatay,” he replies jokingly.
“I swear to God yang mga pusa mo ayaw sa kahit kanino except you,” Jaemin whispers as he walks towards his car.
“Promise me you’ll think about it? Mark?” Jaemin pointedly asks bago pumasok sa sasakyan nito.”
Mark sighs. He loves his friend, truly kahit na pakielamero ito ay laging may masamang balak sa mga anak niya. “Yes I will.”
Jaemin smiles.
🐈
Sa mga friend circles, Mark thinks na everyone has a role parang characters lang sa isang pelikula or novel. You have the two main characters na kakapanganak pa lang parang nakatadhana na maging bida sa sarili nilang teleserye. The two main roles na coveted, tipong mala Romeo and Juliet and takbo ng buhay. Jeno and Jaemin are like that minus the tragedy. They’re just the two people who everyone roots for at alam mong magkakatuluyan saan mang landas sila mapunta. Then, of course you have the friend who doesn’t know what the fuck to do with their life, who who loves too much and loses the most. Yung kaibigan na emotionally volatile lahat kayo apektabo kapag heartbroken siya o masaya. Their Kuya Ten is like that, even though Mark and Jisung are literally the only ones who call him Kuya. Ten who is older, more experienced, the one who gives himself to everything but still finds himself whole and complete at the end, ano mang delubyo ang pagdaanan sa gitna. Obviously you have the bunso who everyone dotes on. Jisung has that effect on people. You either love him or you love him. Kahit na torpe ito at dalawang taon nang patay na patay sa classmate niya lagi sa mga major classes niyang chinito.
People and their unique personalities, going through life like they’re meant to live it, make the most out of it.
And then there’s Mark. The friend who’s always just there. Yung kaibigan na laging walang masabi na bago sa buhay niya because honestly, what would he say? No one wants to hear about the new cat toys he bought for gangan nor the next race he’s excited to watch. Although he knows na mahal na mahal siya ng mga kaibigan niya, sometimes he asks himself if maybe his life is really too boring, if maybe he should risk more, go out more, so the time doesn't trickle by like a blur, and so some color actually appear in the monotony of his days.
But he reckons it’s okay, to live on the sidelines, to go about every day like how he always does, in routines, in well-practiced steps that work because maybe life doesn’t always have to be an exciting movie. Maybe sometimes life happens and he’s there, just there, in the periphery trying to make sense of it.
He gets out of his trance and sees the clock. The red color of the digital clock says 4:30 PM. He begrudgingly sits to put on his eyeglasses and makes way to change into more appropriate clothing.
Sa labas ng bintana niya, he sees Katipunan in its prime form, when the heat of the sun doesn’t burn too bright anymore when it’s mellowed by the advent of the night. He notices na parang nagmemelt ito into a beautiful shade of gold. Pretty.
🐈
Nakarating si Mark 5 minutes before 5 PM. Sakto lang before magsimula ang event sa may Arete. Tonight from 5:15-8:00 PM may event ang mga benefactors ng scholarship program ng university and Mark volunteered to be one of the ushers dahil sayang ang free dinner at dagdag na rin sa service hours credits niya.
He feels something vibrate sa bulsa niya. He sees Jeno’s contact pop-up sa notification bar. He quickly opens it habang wala pang dumarating na guest at bumulantad sa kanya ang screenshot ng isang IG Profile.
Mark replies “???”
Jeno quickly replies, mabilis na nag transform ang three dots sa screen into his typed response, “ah si Donghyuck!! My friend!!”
Mark is confused again, wondering why Jeno would send him a random screenshot of his good-looking (he’s not blind) friend.
“Good for your friend. Anong gagawin ko??”
Jeno replies an emoji ng lalaking nakatayo, three of those.
“He’s the person Jaemin was talking about? The one na gusto namin I-reto sayo?”
Mark tries not to blush. It’s one thing for Jaemin to hint at it pero Jeno overtly spelled it out. My good god, reto? Ano to high school.
“You guys need 2 stop!!!”
“I am ok on my own!!!!”
Jeno replies, “ok eponine?!!!”
Mark couldn’t help but snort sa sagot ng kaibigan.
Jeno replies again with, “Sorry si Nana yon. Kinuha niya phone ko. But seriously Mark, we wouldn’t make you meet him if we think he’s a bad person. Kahit na to make a new friend lang, take it easy, see where it goes.”
Mark looks at the door na tahimik pa, the guests are about to arrive soon.
It’s not like Mark is scared of entering a relationship (or is he?). It’s just that he’s really fine with how his life is going in. He’s gonna get this gig done, get free dinner, go home, play with his cats, struggle with his assignment, sleep, and go to school. He doesn’t feel like he’s in a position to complain or to want more when he’s fine.
But he knows his friends wouldn’t put him in harm’s way at wala namang masama sa pagkakaroon ng bagong kaibigan diba?
He just hopes hindi siya kalmutin ng mga pusa niya. He doesn’t have the money to get the person anti-rabies shots para rito kahit na well vaccinated and mga pusa niya.
But fuck it, what’s the harm really, it’s a friend, nothing more. Baka magkaroon pa siya ng bagong mayaya manood ng old F1 races. Besides, it’s his Senior Year. Capital letters. Sheesh.
“Fine, fine! I’ll follow him. He seems nice,” Mark replies kahit na mabilis niya lang natignan ang profile nito and he really needs to get off his phone soon.
“SLAY MOTHER OMFGKGKG!!!” Jeno replies.
Mark doesn’t have to check the next reply for Jeno to let Mark know na inambush na naman ni Nana ang phone nito.
He smiles and tries to settle into his clothes, fixing his position sa may welcome booth.
🐈
With his dinner safely placed sa isang brown paper bag, Mark traverses the cold bricks sa ilalim ng mga paa niya pabalik ng dorm. He’s tired dahil nakaidlip lang siya nang kaunti after his classes bago siya pumunta sa Arete. He’s looking forward to having a nice long bath and prays to God for a miracle na may angel na bumista sa dorm niya at tumapos ng problem set niya na nakatambak lang sa desk niya since last week.
He’s fishes his phone from his pocket to see last minute messages after niyang i-silent ang phone niya bago lumabas ng Ateneo campus but he hears someone sniffling, the faint kind, medyo mahina but he swears the sound is there.
He looks behind him to check pero wala namang tao. It’s just a row of cars sa ilalim ng nakakabulag na ilaw ng parking space.
He’s not going crazy naman diba? He has too much to do for that kind of inconvenience.
But he hears it again— a small sound of scraping, parang may ginagadgad sa brick na daan and a small round of sniffles.
A man with a head of brown hair is sitting sa sidewalk ng Ateneo. He is clad in a black suit and he has his head bent kaya hindi makita ni Mark ang mukha nito.
Lord hindi pa naman patay to right? Mark gulps and tries to approach the man.
“Uhm.” Mark coughs a little louder para kunin ang atensyon ng lalaki pero di parin siya narinig.
He looks around to see kung meron ba siyang mahihingan ng tulong pero to no avail dahil wala nang tao sa campus. Parang hindi ata kakayanin ng konsensya niya kung iiwan niya lang ang lalaki na nakalumpasay sa sidewalk kaya he musters the courage to approach the sleeping (???) / dead (???) / unconcious (???) man.
In his head nag ppray nalang siya na hindi siya mamatay dahil sa gagawin niya dahil walang magpapakain sa mga pusa niya at walang gusto si gangan at fifi sa mga best friend niya ni isa. He’s about to touch the man sa balikat nito when he raises his head and meets Mark’s eyes.
“AAAhhhhhh!” Sigaw ni Mark at biglang nahagis ang paper bag niyang ang laman ay ang dinner niya. Shoot.
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Ang reply sa kaniya ng gising (???) na lalaki.
“God!!!” Ang sabi ng lalaki na napalayo ang upo dahil sa gulat.
Mark collects himself and picks up the paper bag. “Hindi ako si Lord, unfortunately.”
The guy stands up and Mark notices na hawak hawak niya ang sapatos nito. “I know. I’m sorry. Nabigla lang.”
Mark notices na the guy looks a bit familiar. Hindi niya ma pinpoint but he feels like he has seen him from somewhere.
Napansin din ni kuya guy na tinititigan ni Mark and hawak nito at biglang napa grimace. “Uhm. Nasira yung sapatos ko. I was trying to fix it. Hence, the sound? Baka yun yung narinig mo.”
Mark bites his lower lip, medyo confused sa kung ano ang gagawin. Was the guy a student? Paano ito makakauwi? Pano na yung dinner niya.
Mark asks, “are you lost?”
The guy snickers and replies, “babygirl?” and then starts laughing.
Hindi maintindihan ni Mark kung bakit siya tumatawa pero masaya naman siya para sa lalaki. At least, masaya siya kahit sira ang sapatos niya.
“Hindi ko gets,” Mark scratches his head.
“Don’t worry about it,” the guy sighs messing up his head. He tries looking around as if he’s looking for something particular.
“Oh right. I’m Donghyuck. Studyante ako dito sa ADMU. Do you want to see my ID. I have it somewhere, teka lang.” Kinapa ni Donghyuck ang mga bulsa niya to look for ID. He finds if and tries to give it to Mark.
“Oh no no no need. Uhm. Gusto ko lang i check kung okay ka. I thought you were crying.”
Donghyuck looks confused for a second. “Crying? Wh-” but his reply was interrupted by a monstrous sneeze na pati si Mark napa yapak sa likod.
Mark notices that the boy looked very disheveled pero put together. It’s oxymoronic but there is something about his fluffy hair peeking from multiple sides, his red nose tired from too many sneezes at ang contrast nito sa polished black suit niya.
“That. Allergies. It happens a lot,” Donghyuck smiles, pleasant, bright kahit na namumugto ang mata at ilong niya, pansin ni Mark na may kaunting kislap sa ngiti nito.
“Anyway. Do you have a spare shoe? Or tsinelas. Kahit ano. Ang sakit na kasi ng paa ko kanina pa ako nakatayo, badtrip,” Donghyuck presents him his shoe na halos mahati na sa gitna. Di gets ni Mark paano nangyari yon.
A sudden gush of wind passes by them. Mark could feel the cold whisper against his skin, making him shiver.
“Are you insane?” Mark replies, stepping back a little. He does not have any idea who this man is. Baka siya kaya ang serial killer!
“Grabe naman to. Baliw agad?” Donghyuck laughs tipping his head back revealing skin like it’s been dipped in honey, flourishing in it under the artificial lights of Arete, it looks pretty.
Mark thinks the cold is messing with his brain.
“Student ka rin diba? You’re wearing your ID. Besides, I saw you earlier kasama mga staff ng OAA so for sure hindi ka naman serial killer,” Donghyuck continues, jutting his hips, clicking his tongue and raising his brows.
Mark’s tries to stop his brain from short-circuiting nang slight. It’s just the cold, he tries to remind his brain. What he feels, the slight tremor in his stomach. It’s the missing dinner— but then he remembers it.
“Wait. You’re-” Mabilisang kinuha ni Mark ang phone niya sa bulsa and opens his chat with Jeno. He scrolls up to see the screenshot and raises the phone to level it with Donghyuck’s face.
“-You’re Donghyuck,” Mark clarifies habang biglaang binaba ang paper bag niya at dahang lumapit sa lalaki sa harap. He overestimates his step and is now standing too close trying to evaluate the similarity of the person Jeno wants him to date and the lunatic in front of him.
“One and only,” Donghyuck says smiling big.
“So you know me? I mean. You know me from Jeno, right?” Dongyuck has a look in his face na di mapaliwanag ni Mark kung ano. He smiles, secretly and if Mark squints, parang he’s excited about it.
“Kilala mo si Jeno?”
Donghyuck replies, “Nakikinig ka ba sa akin? I just told you I know Jeno!” Unamused.
Mark tries to speak but finds himself unable to form the right words. Gutom na siya, lord.
Donghyuck just looks at him while he tries to figure out his life. He smirks a little dahil, for some weird reason, he thinks the confused boy in front of him looks cute kapag nalilito (at mukhang nahihilo).
“Anyway…. spare shoes…”
Mark stops pacing and faces him trying to weigh kung safe bang magdala ng stranger sa condo niya.
“Ok fine. Shoe glue?” Donghyuck bargains, making puppy eyes at him.
Mark massages his temples. It’s his last year of university. Kapag naging biktima siya ng serial killing, si Jaemin ang may kasalanan.
May his cats avenge him na lang.
“Okay.”
🐈
“Jaemin did you do this?” Mark paces outside of his apartment. Sa loob, iniwan ni Mark si Donghyuck at isang pitsel ng tubig.
“Good evening din sayo, Mark Hibiscus Lee.”
“Nana, seryoso ako. What have you done this time?” Mark scratches the side of his leg.
“Huh. Wala? Nakila Jeno ako huy. What do you mean?”
Mark gets confused sa similar confused voice ng kaniyang kausap. So it means, di pinlano ni Jaemin to?
“I mean. Nandito si Donghyuck,” Mark says, still flabbergasted with the situation he’s in.
“Ha? Sa apartment mo? Anong ginagawa niya dyan? Nagkita kayo?”
“Oo? I found him outside Arete. His shoes were broken. I had to help.”
“You’re gonna get yourself killed one of these days, Marku,” Jaemin says laughing.
“Hay. Man, I don’t know. He looked like he needed help.”
Jaemin sighs. “Sweet naman. Parang meet cute. Sana all.”
“Anong sana all? You are in a happy relatio—”
“Oo na. Amp. Ang OA mo nakiki sana all lang. Bawal ba kiligin sa future relationship ng iba?”
“You are never setting foot in this apartment ag —”
Before Mark gets to finish his threat, he hears another scuffling sa likod niya. He looks back.
He finds his cats, his picky, grumpy, ill-tempered cats clinging to the stranger inside his apartment. Donghyuck carries Gangan sa balikat nito. Fifi is rubbing herself sa legs niya, purring.
“Gutom ba mga pusa mo?
Mark puts his phone down, in disbelief sa nakikita niya.
“No,” he whispers.
🐈
“Ang akin lang, basta nasa syllabus yung requirements tsaka readings tsaka inuupload ng prof yung lectures, dapat di required attendance no,” Donghyuck complains habang sinisimot ang instant noodles na kakaluto lang ni Mark.
It’s almost 9 o’clock. The cats have finally settled sa designated places nila: si Gangan sa left side ng ilalim ng mini sofa ni Mark, si fifi sa tabi ng ilalim ng computer table niya. Donghyuck sits in his table so comfortable, with his right foot propped sa empty chair in front of him. “ Mark, feeling ko ma-aamputate pa ako sa ngalay kung di ko ipapatong sa table. Patawad. ”
“Ang sarap ng luto mo, hehe.” Donghyuck slowly puts down his spoon, wiping his face. Di pinpoint ni Mark what he reminds him off.
“Thank you. It’s nothing though. It’s instant noodles, anyone can cook that,” Mark replies curtly habang kinukuha ang pinag gamitan nilang mangkok para linisin sa lababo. He has this thing na kailan walang nakatambak sa lababo niya na hugasin kahit na isang baso lang yan.
“By the way, you were in the uh OAA event. Scholar ka rin ba?” Mark asks without looking back.
Donghyuck has gone to his computer table and surveys his stuff. Mark doesn’t think anything about his table is that interesting, however.
“Ah, I’m afraid not. Parang di kaya ng braincells ko yun. “ Donghyuck picks up a Renault Cap naka patong sa lamesa niya and tries it on. “My dad’s a good old benefactor. He asked me to attend the event with him.”
Ah, rich boy. Mark shouldn’t have been surprised. He is childhood friends with Jeno and Jeno lives and breathes old money.
“You should stop thinking too hard all the time, Mark Lee.”
“Huh?”
Mark turns back and sees Donghyuck walk towards him. He swears he stops a little too close and when Mark is about to say something, Donghyuck leans even closer and reaches to close the tap behind the both of them.
“Yung tubig, umaapaw.”
“Ah. Thanks.” Mark moves away to reach the hand towel nakasabit sa mini ref and breathes.
“So, you like cars.” Donghyuck asks, habang naglalakad papunta sa kung saan ang mga pusa niya.
Mark, like a reflex, raises his hand to warn Donghyuck about the cats but the traitors were actually the ones to approach the stranger and settle next to him.
“I do. I like Formula 1.”
“Interesting. Ano yon?” Donghyuck replies, absentmindedly.
Mark settles sa computer table facing them. “You don’t know Formula 1?”
“No clue. Chemistry ba yun?”
Mark chuckles. “Ah no. It’s a sport. Motosport.”
“Ahh. So paunahan makarating sa finish line?” Donghyuck looks up from the cats.
“Something like that.”
He doesn’t know why none of this feels uncomfortable. Hindi niya pa nga nacoconfirm kung hindi nga serial killer si Donghyuck. His cats like him which is weird. And the guy seems interested about him. Mark doesn’t know what to make off the situation.
“It’s late. Di ka pa ba hinahanap sa inyo?”
Donghyuck chuckles. “If you wanted me gone, you could’ve just said so.”
“Not like that. I just don’t want you approaching random strangers sa daan kung baka sakaling masira ang sapatos na ipapahiram ko sa’yo.”
“You know, Jeno said you were nice. But I didn’t realize you were this nice. You let me in your home, fed me, and let me play with your cats. If anything, it should be me who needs to be worried about you getting killed on the streets, ” Donghyuck replies while making funny faces kay fifi.
“I can take care of myself.”
Donghyuck looks up with a sincere expression on his face. “Baka pinagtagpo talaga tayo ng destiny so that we can prevent ourselves from getting killed by random strangers.”
“Or instead we could get killed by each other. Murder and all.”
Donghyuck narrows his eyes. “Maybe.”
The boy continues, “Anyway… Sige na nga at makaalis na baka sabihin mo pa inaagaw ko mga anak mo.”
He stands up to collect the shoes Mark placed sa gilid ng pinto.
“You’re really weird,” Mark whispers.
Donghyuck hears it anyway. “You are weird. You have two cats and an obsession with cars that go in circles.”
“Hmm. Pano ka pala uuwi?” Mark remembers, holding the doorknob.
Donghyuck smirks, and whispers something Mark wasn’t able to hear. “Kotse. Nag park ako sa loob.”
Mark frowns. This means he has to walk pa to get into Ateneo again. “I’ll come walk with you. It’s pretty late.”
“Ang cute. You’re worried and we’ve just met. Now I really understand why Jeno and Jaemin talk about you all the time. But don’t bother. I’m a big boy. Sabi mo nga, I can take care of myself.”
Mark is still unconvinced but he thinks that Donghyuck looks pretty adamant to walk by himself.
“Okay. It was nice meeting you, I guess. Please get home safe, baka mapatay ako nang dalawa if you end up dead coming from my dorm.”
Donghyuck begins to descend the stairs. “Don’t worry, Mark Lee. I got a feeling na this won’t be the last time you’ll be seeing me. Ba-bye!”
Mark raises his hand and waves. When Donghyuck is out of his periphery, he closes the door to find his cats meowing at him.
🐈
The weird thing is that Mark cannot seem to get the boy out of his head.
He remembers him when he feeds the cats the morning after.
He thinks of him when he wears the cap on the way to school.
He remembers him when he passes by Arete to get into Rizal Library.
“Kuya Mark!” Jisung calls to him as he’s about to scan his ID card at the entrance. The ComTech major is carrying a drink sa kabilang kamay which means he won’t be able to get into the library.
“Jisung. Okay ka lang?” Mark notices that he looks like he has been running.
“Ah. Oo hehe. I just wanted to say Hi! May class ako sa Faura. Where are you going?”
“Lib. May aayusing assignment tsaka shift na rin, sayang service hours.”
“Kuya, ikaw ah may hindi ka na kinukwento sa akin,” Jisung teases, wriggling his eyebrows.
“Hah? Anong di kinukwento? Yung service hours ko kahap—” Mark realizes what the younger boy is talking about.
“--- Sinabi sa’yo ni Jaemin no?”
“Hindi, si Kuya Ten.”
“Ahh. But, I mean how?
“Sinabi raw ni Kuya Jaemin sa kanya.”
“Ah. C’mon.” Mark’s wallet slid past his grip upon reacting to his gossip of a friend.
He and Jisung don’t even realize na nahulog na pala until he feels someone near him pick up the wallet.
“Hey, stranger. Kung di ka mapapatay ng serial killer, mananakawan ka naman ng snatcher.”
Mark looks at his side to discover Donghyuck standing beside him. He immediately looks down to check on his shoes.
“Hi. New shoes?” Mark lifts his eyes from his shoes to look at him directly in the eye.
Donghyuck shrugs. “I have you know na pina professionally polish ko pa ang sapatos mo. Nakakahiya naman. Bigay ko bukas.”
“Hello?” Jisung quips, eyes wide.
“Tsk tsk. Ganito mo ba tratuhin mga kaibigan mo, Mark Lee. Hello, I’m Donghyuck, Dip IR, 3rd year.” He gives out both of hands, open wide to Mark’s disbelief.
“Jisung Park, 2nd Year Com Tech, po.” Jisung looks almost in a trance as he takes the invitation to hug Donghyuck.
Mark frowns at the sight. The last time he checked, shy type si Jisung at hindi marunong mag shake hands sa hindi niya kilala and Donghyuck, the last time he checked, is definitely a stranger.
“You smell good po,” Jisung replies as they part ways. Donghyuck laughs.
“Chanel. Gusto mo?” Donghyuck says, moving closer to Mark.
Tumango lang si Jisung to answer.
“I don’t understand what’s happening.”
“Kuya Donghyuck ikaw yung kasama ni kuya kahapon?” Jisung asks
“Aw he calls me Kuya, cute. Oo . Nakuwento na pala sayo. Huy Mark bilis mo ah.”
“It wasn’t me. It was Jaemin. Anyway, Jisung, wag ka maniwala sa kung ano mang sinabi ni Kuya Ten or ni Jaemin and aren’t you late for your class?”
Jisung whips out his watch to check and curses. He needs to leave or he gets the cut.
“Ay. Oo nga pala. Bye Kuya! Bye po!” He bows to Donghyuck while the latter chuckles.
“Jisung, message me if you need help with CS 30 okay?”
“Yes. Bye!!!”
Mark sighs as he turns to look at Donghyuk sa gilid niya. He walks towards the scanner anyway so he could enter.
They walk in silence, well Mark anyway dahil laging may binabati si Donghyuk sa gilid niya. He doesn’t really like taking the elevator lalo na kung 3 flights of stairs lang ang kailangan niyang akyatin so he does that with the boy in tow towards the third floor.
When he sees a vacant table, he stops in his tracks to ask, “Are you here for me?”
Donghyuck takes the seat beside him and pulls out his laptop. “ Oh c’mon. Mark, hindi ka ganun ka pogi no. I actually need to get something done. I saw you and your little friend and decided to work with you sa library. You’re my friend now. Bawal ba?”
Mark takes the seat beside him because contrary to people’s belief, he’s not actually a socially closed off person. “No.” Mark accidentally picks up Donghyuck’s perfume when he yawns with his arms.
Mark feels warm all of a sudden.
“Oh hindi naman pala. Edi aral.” Donghyuck taps the table.
“Don’t you have class?” Mark asks, combing his hair because HE IS NOT NERVOUS at all. Gusto niya lang,
Donghyuck looks at his Cartier watch. “No, mamaya pa. Ikaw?”
Mark’s laptop finishes booting up, he shakes his head in reply.
He clears his throat as he begins to type.
🐈
Mark wouldn’t say it has become a routine pero he always sees Donghyuck at the library now at the same time as the first moment they bumped into each other there. Sometimes, he goes first and Donghyuck would appear to claim the seat beside him.
The thing is, he thought manggugulo lang ito, or makikipag kwentuhan lang sa mga kaibigan niya na darating. But to his surprise, Donghyuck really does do his work, concentrating within the 3 hours they spend in the library.
The 3rd week he stays there, someone asks if the seat is taken and to his surprise, he says yes. Donghyuck comes in later asking him kung anong klase ng cat food ang kinakain ng mga pusa niya.
“Mas gusto nila wet. Why?”
“Wala lang.”
The fourth week, he thought Donghyuck wouldn’t come dahil 30 minutes na and usually, he would already be knee deep sa kung ano man ang binabasa niya for his classes. He kept looking around every 5 minutes to see kung may brown haired boy na naglalakad papunta sa direksyon ng upuan nila— niya.
“Looking for me?” someone whispers sa likod niya. He turns around quickly and sees Donghyuck in a suit.
“Sorry, late. May presentation kami kanina. There were panelists and everything, Natagalan. I got you this.” Donghyuck hands him a familiar-looking sampaloc candy. He remembers them from his childhood but doesn’t really think they make them anymore.
“Oh. San mo nakuha?” Mark looks around to check kung may guard na nakatingin before he opens the candy. The sugar rush immediately gives him some relief. It’s not easy being a senior scholar with a product thesis and some hours waiting to be rendered on his shoulders. The sugar was an unstated much needed relief.
“Yung panelists were from different provinces, they bought candies from their hometown. Are you okay?” Donghyuck asks.
Mark stops chewing. “Uh huh. Just tired. My shift starts in 20 minutes.” He stretches his arms and cracks his fingers.
Sometimes he renders his service hours sa library na rin. The work is not hard, he needs to arrange the shelves that need arranging lang naman and when nothing is out of order he gets to study some more.
Donghyuck smiles and takes Mark’s laptop, silently asking for permission as he looks at Mark. Mark nods and Donghyuck closes the laptop and brings out a neck pillow to give to him.
“Sleep. You have twenty minutes.”
“Bakit may neck pillow ka?”
“I told you presentations diba? I slept over at a blockmate’s house. I brought it in case I needed to take naps sa car. We didn’t get much sleep.”
Mark tries to push it back to him. “Well, then you sleep. You’re done with it, you can relax, I’m okay.” He says yawning.
Donghyuck is relentless, however. “Isusumbong kita sa guard na may candy ka sige.”
Mark gives in, taking the pillow. He figures he needs the rest anyway.
Before he falls asleep, he catches Donghyuck working on his laptop. He silently asks, “Di mo ako kailangang hintayin matapos dito. Why do you wait for me until the end my shift?”
Mark snuggles the pillow and holds it firmer, closer to his head.
Donghyuck only smiles, not even taking his gaze away from his laptop. “Wag ka feeling, Mark Lee. Hindi ka ganun ka pogi.”
He looks at his direction.
“Matulog kana.”
🐈
In the seventh week, Donghyuck asks Mark if he’s doing anything after his shift.
“Wala naman. Why?” He zips up his laptop bag and gets ready to leave.
“Tara lakad? I need to take pictures of the campus for an elective.”
Mark thinks about it first. His cats wouldn’t mind him being late naman right?
🐈
“Okay, so anong balak mo gawin after grad?” He and Donghyuck begin their stroll sa Red Brick Road. Donghyuck snaps a photo of the mural on Schmitt’s wall.
“Work, probably. Masters in 3 years I hope. Kung makakapag ipon,” Mark says putting his hands inside his pockets, watching Donghyuck take photos of the plants in their vicinity.
“You?”
Donghyuck looks at him shocked. “Don’t ask me that. I’m literally a freshie?”
Mark laughs. “Freshie? You’re a junior?”
Donghyuck sighs. “Pssh. Same thing. Graduation feels like lightyears away. Parang kaka graduate ko nga lang ng high school tapos all of a sudden I’m transported to this body in this current timeline. Don’t you feel the same?”
Mark looks at his shoes and nods. “Sometimes. But I can’t really afford to be stuck there you know. It’s like my brain is wired to think of what will happen to me 5 years in the future while simultaneously worrying about what I did in the past and what I’m currently messing up in the present. Medyo weird and sobrang tiring. It’s like I’m constantly running forward and backward without a goal in mind, just in endless damn motion.”
Donghyuck stops walking, while Mark continues his stride. When Mark notices na wala na pala sa tabi niya ang kasama, he looks back.
Donghyuck snaps a photo of him right then and catches up. “The world can go on even without it always in your head, Mark Lee. Sometimes, a day is just a day and a stroll on a campus on a sunny Friday afternoon is just a stroll on a sunny Friday afternoon.”
“Hindi mo naman kayang i predict kung ano ang magiging. No point in beating up yourself for whatever stupidity you’ve done in the past. Sometimes, the best you can do right now is to just let things be—” Donghyuck nudges his shoulder. They continue to walk.
“--- which I know isn’t easy by the way. But I guarantee, probably one of the best things you can do for yourself.”
Mark quietly smiles and asks, “What is?”
“Letting things happen for you.”
“And accepting it?” Mark adds.
Donghyuck’s smile becomes wider taking his eyes off the boy in his right.
“With open arms.”
🐈
As usual, tambay na naman si Jaemin with Jisung this time sa apartment ni Mark. The two are playing uno sa higaan ni Mark while he’s finishing his methods write-up. He’s been working nonstop since last weekend para mahabol ang deadline niya.
He takes a break after his 4th hour and sits beside his two best friends sa kama niya.
“Hindi raw ba makakapunta si Jeno?”
“Nah. May ganap ata kasama Street. Why?” Jaemin replies habang nginangatngat ang candy na he’s sharing with Jisung.
“I was gonna ask him something. Nevermind.”
Mark checks at Jisung who he discovers is now sleeping, and drooling on his pillow.
“Ay, about ba kay Donghyuck? Ako nalang, puro kwento rin naman si Jeno sa kin. Besides, we hang out.”
“First, it’s not about him. Two, you hang out?”
Mark reaches for a tissue sa gilid ng bedside table niya, gets one, and wipes the drool on Jisung’s cheek. He stuffs one in between for precaution.
Jaemin looks offended. “Of course. Anong akala mo, mag rereto ako ng di ko kilala. You wound me.”
“Anyway, so, what do you think of him?” Jaemin asks, wriggling his eyebrows.
“Ayan na naman ang chismoso hay.” Mark goes back to his chair but chooses to face Jaemin still.
“Wag KJ. Dali. Kung hindi, kikidnapin ko si gangan.”
Mark smiles. “I don’t know. He’s nice.”
Jaemin slumps his body. “Anong nice? He’s like the cutest boy I know besides Jeno, smells like heaven tapos nice lang ang masasabi mo. Napaka sweeeeet mo talaga!”
Mark reddens sa remark ng kaibigan. “What do you want me to say? It’s the truth. He’s nice.”
He scratches his neck.
“He’s good company. The cats like him. Di ko alam bakit.”
Pero ano nga ba ang tingin ni Mark sa kanya. To be honest, he’s still too busy to try and make sense of whatever it is that’s happening. All he knows is that Donghyuck makes everything feel comfortable around him. And as a person who feels anxious about the littlest thing, it feels like being able to breathe. But Mark doesn’t know how to say this without sounding like a mad man so he settles with “ and he’s not a serial killer.”
Jaemin’s confused with his friend’s reply but sees him smile.
“He’s not?”
Nilihis ni Mark ang tingin niya mula sa sahig papunta sa kaibigan. “No, he’s not.”
Mark smiles signaling at his cat to pay attention to him.
🐈
Palabas ng comfort room si Mark when his phone pings. That sound has been beginning to be a constant ever since Donghyuck followed him on Instagram.
Their messages don’t really have a pattern, however. Sometimes, Donghyuck asks kung may pasok si Mark. Sometimes he asks for a photo of his cats. Sometimes, Mark sends back a meme, or a goodluck with a cat and smiley face when he sees Donghyuck’s IG story showing his readings needed to be studied for his exam.
HyuckLee
“Pupunta ka ba sa chillnuman nila Jaemin sa pop-up?”
OnyourMark_
“Yep. Pero I won’t stay long. Punta ka? 🙂”
He’s waiting for Hyuck’s reply but it takes longer than usual for the ping to arrive.
HyuckLee
“Of course! Andun rin si Jeno!”
Onyourmark_
“Okay cool!”
“Pero nagtataka lang ako bakit ngayon ka lang sinasama nung dalawa sa mga inom.”
“I mean I’m not insinuating you’re an alcoholic or anything.”
HyuckLee
“Haha. Do you mean you would’ve liked to have known me sooner? 🤔”
“Okay lang na sabihin na crush mo ko Mark hehe. “
“😜😜😜😜😜”
Mark stops for a bit and feels the afternoon heat on his skin. He smiles at the message.
Onyourmark_
“Hay, hyuck 😆.“
HyuckLee
“Anyway, So itong F1 na to. There’s a race next month. You want to watch it?”
It takes him a few minutes to respond dahil pinapatuyo niya ang kamay niya with a tissue habang naglalakad pababa.
OnyourMark_
“Meron! But diba you don’t like it?”
HyuckLee
“I don’t like any sport Mark, it’s not out of the ordinary.”
OnyourMark_
Mark smirks. “Haha.”
HyuckLee
“Dali nga. Nood tayo?”
OnyourMark
“You don’t have to push yourself to like something you don’t Hyuck. Okay lang!”
Donghyuck doesn’t respond until Mark is already near Sec B Foyer ( na himala ay walang tambay week). Instead of a message, he sees a video call notification.
Mark sits down and answers the call.
“Alam mo ang arte mo. Dali nga. Sayang naman inaral ko.”
Mark laughs. “Bakit mo inaral, baliw ka.”
Donghyuck looks like he’s walking. “Sayang yung pa drag reduction system, red flag green yellow flag, q1, q2, q3 sessions oh.”
Mark covers his mouth to hide his grin.
This guy, really.
“I mean, sure. Nasa dorm lang naman ako. I’m planning to watch it alone anyway. It’d be nice to have someone. Alam mo ba gusto ko sana ayain manood sila Kuya Ten kaso baka I’m scared na they might think it’s repetitive and boring.”
Donghyuck looks confused. “Wait, teka dorm? I thought the race is in Singapore?”
Now Mark looks even more confused. “Yeah. Singapore Grand Prix. Sa Sunday yung actual race. I have a bootleg link, we can watch it there. Wag ka mag-alala may ad blocker ako. It works,” he tries to assure him.
Donghyuck looks like he’s trying to contemplate what to say next. “I mean, okay sure sure. Next Sunday sa condo mo?”
Mark takes note of it sa google calendar niya. “Okay. We can watch it with the cats. They like you so it’ll be fun.”
Mark is not sure if it’s the camera or Donghyuck is using a filter, but he reddens at his remark.
“Last time nag movie marathon kami, napuno ng kalmot si Jisung. Haha. See you then.”
Before Donghyuck hangs up, Mark quickly adds. “Thank you.”
“Para saan?”
“For trying to remember what drag reduction system is.”
“Ako pa. Wala yun. See you then.”
🐈
The chillnuman comes more quickly than expected. The semester has drawn to a close and with that, his thesis proposal defended (he barely walked out if alive, fueled with candy, cuddles from his cats, at sandamakmak na red bull), exams finished, and papers submitted.
Hindi pa tapos ang semester ng mga kaibigan niya sa UP, however, kaya medyo maaga nila sinimulan ang inuman para hindi rin sila masyado gabihin. Besides, Mark prefers it this way if he’s being honest.
“Mark!!!!” Jeno, fresh from his EEE 157 class, is standing up nang may hawak na baso (probably filled with whatever concoction of drinks and alak na nasa tower) as he greets him. At the same table is Jaemin, and in front of them are Jisung, and their other friends from Diliman.
“Hey, man.” Mark comes near him to hug him and finds a seat sa edge malapit kay Jisung. The younger boy is typing something pointedly on his laptop and Jaemin is trying to help him with it.
“Anong meron? Akala ko ba tapos na sem mo?” Mark asks the busy bee beside him.
“Inextend ng prof ang deadline ng take-home exam, kya ayan inextend din ang pag procrastinate.”
“Jisung, bakit ka nandito kung di mo pa pala tapos yan?” Mark is pouring himself a cup as he adjusts his cap.
“Sorry kuya, isang point na lang naman. I was trying to finish it but fell asleep. Hehe.” Jisung presents him with a peace sign.
Mark tries looking around to check if Donghyuck is around. Mark knows na there was a last minute mix-up with the location where naging Walrus kahapon tapos Pop-Up ulit today. He’s just trying to make sure Hyuck was updated with the place.
“Sino hinahanap mo si Ten? Nag yosi break lang. He was talking to someone on the phone, I didn’t want to bother him,” Jeno says putting his arm around his boyfriend. Absentmindedly, Jaemin laces his fingers with his habang tina-timer-an ang pagtype ni Jisung ng paragraph niya.
Mark smiles at the sight. “Okay. I was actually—” He checks his phone to see if Hyuck texted him but nothing comes up to the screen.
“Nevermind. Baka nalate lang.” Mark reassures Jeno who only nods albeit still confused.
“Sino, jowa mo, Mark?” His Kuya Ten arrives at their table with lemon-flavored soda in his hand. Jeno looks as if he now understands the person Mark is referring to.
“Kuya, hi. No. I don’t have one of those.” He takes off his cap and combs through his hair.
Ten sits next in the middle of him and Jisung.
“Weh, bakit mo chinecheck phone mo?” He teases him.
“I was just worried. I’m worried about every one of you,” he adds, finishing his drink in one go.
“Eyoo. Not this alcoholic individual?” Jaemin quips which makes Jisung laugh.
“Jisung, tapusin mo yan.”
“You know I actually know Donghyuck. I met him like twice. He’s Johnny’s cousin.”
Jaemin and Jeno nod while Mark is flabbergasted by the new information. “Huh. Like si Kuya Johnny? How are you all connected to him?”
“Mark Lee. How you do not know him is the mystery. Masyado ka kasing nakakulong dito.” Ten points at his head.
“But I guess I understand, kinwento ni Johnny mga ex ni Hyuck,” Ten continues as he gets himself another soda from the pile in the center of their long table. “Medyo mga gago to be honest. There was a point na he wasn’t spending time with friends, kahit na si Johnny and Johnny and him were like tight” he continues, wincing at the taste.
“This is too fucking sweet. Mga bagets, ano tong inorder niyo, liquified diabetes?”
Mark frowns. Okay, so Donghyuck has been in complicated relationships (he didn’t want to think of toxic, he doesn’t think he could picture Donghyuck in one, too impossible. He’s too good, too kind. What kind of sick assholes would hurt him like that?)
“Earth to Mark, hey!” Ten snaps at him. “Stop gripping the cup, it’s broken already.”
Mark pats his pocket to find his phone and stands. “CR lang ako wait.”
He doesn’t wait for their replies and heads to the entrance. He dials Hyuck number as he stands in the corner.
The ring doesn’t even come because as he turns off the call, he sees the boy walking towards (him) the entrance. Mark jogs to meet him in the middle. He has too much energy, he doesn’t fucking know what to do with it.
“Hi to you. Okay ka lang?” Hyuck says, carefully the back of his hand sa pisngi ni Mark, unsure it it’s okay, if Mark would push him away.
“Yeah. Di ka naligaw? You’re good?” Mark says, breathing hard, swallowing the lump in his throat as he touches the hand on his cheek.
Donghyuck is a bit surprised by the action but gives him a small smile anyway. He does not pull his hand away but puts them down as if they are holding each other’s hands. Well, they are, technically.
He nods. “Tara?”
Donghyuck walks in front papunta sa table nila habang hila hila sa Mark sa likod. “Hello!!!” He greets the people already enjoying their drinks.
Mark doesn’t know kung nakita ba ng mga kaibigan niya na hawak hawak nito ang kamay ng kasama. If they do, they don’t say anything. Hyuck gives everyone a pat on the back before he sits sa edge ng bench sa tapat ni Jeno and sa tabi ni Mark.
“Hyuckie. Long time no see!” Ten leans towards the direction of Hyuck. Mark leans in to Donghyuck para mas madali nitong makita ang kuya. Hyuck puts his hand sa likod nito while he talks with Kuya Ten.
Mark feels a shiver run down his spine.
“Jisung, bakit ka nag lalaptop. I thought we’re celebrating the end of your sem?”
Jisung rises his head from the laptop. “Kuya conclusion nalang, hehe. Labor Law Policy Note.”
Donghyuck stands up from his seat to go over to Jisung. Mark keeps his eyes on him even as he moves to sit beside the struggling sophomore. He sees him read over the document once and provide a comment on how to tie all his points together sa conclusion.
It’s probably the alcohol. But, Donghyuck is… he’s… he’s too good. He really can’t believe how people could hurt him. He doesn’t think he could ever do that.
He downs another drink instead.
Ten chuckles at the sight of his friend. “Huy, Mark, hindi naman mawawala yang si Donghyuck, tingin ka nang tingin,” he jokes out loud, making Jaemin and Jeno laugh.
His cheeks turn into an impossible shade of red as Donghyuck comes back to his seat, sa tabi niya.
Donghyuck puts his face on his hand and leans away from Mark, surveying him. “Di naman ako aalis eh. Miss mo ako?”
Mark rubs his face gamit ang mga kamay niya. “Baliw.”
Donghyuck smiles at him still. He shakes his head and opens spout of the tower to get himself a drink.
“Wala pa akong bagong nababalitan sa inyong dalawa ha. Kayo na ba?”
Syempre hindi mawawala ang walang ka subtle subtle na bibig ng Kuya Ten niya. He wonders if it’s probably the reason why they invited him kahit na may trabaho siya the next day. Mark freezes.
“Ay, wag ako ang tanungin niyo,” Donghyuck laughs. He sits down and gulps some of his drink, wiping the excess on his mouth with the back of his hand.
It’s too goddamn loud but Mark still hears the distinct ticking ng relo ng katabi.
Ten, his good god Kuya Ten, of courses pushes kahit na nakatingin na si Mark sa kanya, silently begging to change the subject.
Syempre, his Kuya Ten only smiles and clears his throat.
“Donghyuck, gusto mo ba, si Mark?”
Mark takes off his glasses and puts his face sa kamay niya groaning. Sa tabi niya, Donghyuck removes his cap, messing up his hair, his smile not leaving his face.
Mark looks at him and mouths “Sorry”.
He finishes his drink and crosses his arms.
Sa may opposite side ng pop-up may grupo na naghihiyawan.
“Do I have to answer?”
“Di naman. I’m just curious. We’re his friends,” Ten says, shrugging.
Donghyuck looks at Mark and takes off his glasses too. He looks at Ten and says, “Yes. I like him.”
Jaemin, literally fucking squeels at pinalo palo si Jeno sa gilid niya.
Donghyuck answered the question so easily it’s as if, it shouldn’t need to be asked in the first place.
“Of course, I like him,” Mark hears it, amidst the noise of the place, hears it clearly, the sincereness, the pointed tone, the sure and robust expression of something he’s not brave enough to name yet.
“Yes!” Napalingon lahat sila sa direksyon ni Jisung.
He finally submits his paper.
🐈
Mark Lee can hold his alcohol well. In most cases, this usually is a good thing. Now, however, parang mas gusto niya atang maging lightweight na lang.
Jaemin is, of course, drunk off his ass as Jeno puts him sa likod ng Kotse ng Kuya Ten nila with Jisung already sitting inside.
Jeno pats his and hyuck’s backs before he sits in the passenger seat.
“Kuya, paki-alalayan nalang sila ah. Jaemin kasi pasaway.” Ten nods at his concern.
“Don’t worry, Markie. Kayo, ingat. Hyuck, let me know when you get home,” Ten reminds them before he leaves with the others.
It was only 11 pm and while their nigh out has ended, kakasimula pa lang ng sa iba. Someone bumps into him. Donghyuck holds his waist to prevent him from tripping.
“Hey. That wasn’t very nice,” Hyuck says to the guy.
Halata namang naka inom na rin ito kaya hinawakan nalang ni Mark ang kamay ng kasama. “It’s okay. Tara na.”
Hyuck gives the guy — who didn’t even look back — a mean stare.
He pulls Donghyuck’s pinky papunta sa direksyon ng dorm niya. They can walk he thinks, malapit lang naman.
🐈
A siren blares as they walk the damp streets of Esteban Abada. They decide to walk here instead of Katipunan to avoid traffic. They walk on the sidelines, no longer holding hands.
Mark desperately wants to have his hand on his. Instead, he stuffs both of his hands sa bulsa niya.
“I’m really sorry about what Kuya Ten asked. You probably were uncomfortable,” he whispers.
He doesn’t see Donghyuck’s face, pero narining niyang tumawa ito nang mariin.
They pass by a street light and he sees Donghyuck’s side profile. He’s clenching his jaw.
They’re approaching their building.
“Mark,” Hyuck whispers.
He looks at him, they stopped walking at this point.
Hyuck dampens his lips and looks to his right as if he’s looking for something to give him the courage.
“Hmmm. Hey.”
He moves forward. Mark feels it, feels everything. He feels the heat but also the early signs of the coming night— its breeze. He feels the heat of the street light seeping onto his skin. He feels it, his insides churning, the beat of his heart in a constant staccato he’s been hearing for quite some time now. He feels everything.
He welcomes it.
“I really, really do like you, Mark.” He sees Donghyuchk’s mouth tremble.
“And I tried to stop it. Tinry ko naman na hindi ipakita because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to be friends, I thought that was all I wanted that I’d be satisfied. But…”
Mark steps closer.
“Shit… I. You’re so fucking sweet, and kind, and you love your cats. I love your cats and you helped me, even though I looked like a crazy fucking person.”
Mark looks at him. Donghyuck looks so red, almost like he’s running out of breath.
“Hindi ko alam bakit ganito and nararamdam ko. And I wish I could like quantify it, you know. Because if I could, then I could make sense of why all I could think about is you.”
Donghyuck looks down. “I’m sorry. Alcohol makes me extra chatty,” he continues wiping his nose with his arm.
In Mark’s mind, there were moments in his life na inisip niya na kung bakit minsan wala siyang maramdaman, bakit hindi niya hinahanap hanap ang pakiramdam na magmahal ng iba sa paraan na inaasam asam ng maraming tao. Love for him has always been a distant reality, an abstract concept he knows but never embodies.
He has always been the side character of this lifetime, he knows that, and not in a sad way. God knows he’s too old for juvenile bullshit like that. Mark has always known to care and take care of others. Always the friend on the sideline trying to make sure they’re okay.
But under the brightness of the streetlight, he finally understands what it means to love, to be in love. It is the throbbing, unceasing thrum of blood in his hands, waiting for him to get close, be near, in any possible way he will be allowed to. It is the sadness in his chest, for all he wants is for the boy standing in front of him to be happy. He wants Donghyuck to be okay, to be smiling, always smiling, unhurt, happy.
Love, he realizes, is not a life changing thing. It just is. Love, in between him and Donghyuck, and in the hands he puts in both of Donghyuck’s cheeks, as he closes the gap between them, as his lips touch his.
And maybe Love is also sweet as he tastes him, the slope of his lips. Love is the warmth that he feels as he caresses his cheeks. Love is Donghyuck’s smile that he can almost see even if his eyes are closed. Love is the happiness, the calm in his heart as they split apart, as he hugs him, as he puts his head in his chest, near the crook of his neck.
Lastly, he realizes that love makes his eyes hurt. “You make me the happiest, Donghyuck. Thank you for being here with me.”
And then he lets it pour, some of it anyway. He welcomes the tears, he thinks his love should be seen, anyway.
🐈
“Sabi ko na nga ba crush mo ko eh. Ayaw mo lang aminin.” Donghyuck is sitting on the carpet with fifi habang buhat ni Mark si gangan to get them both water to drink.
“True. I did find you very handsome,” Mark admits, kissing gangan before he sits beside Hyuck.
“And very loud. You were loud, everywhere.” Donghyuck snickers, scratching fifi’s stomach.
“Well you love me anyway.” Donghyuck jokes. Gangan jumps away chasing something both of them can’t see.
Mark, lets it be. He gathers Donghyuck’s hands and kisses them. “I do love you. Sorry for only saying it now.”
Donghyuck doesn’t react. What he does instead is stand. “Pwedeng pa CR?”
Mark is confused but lets him anyway. After a few seconds he hears a loud screaming from the restroom.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Mark laughs, while the cats freeze in shock at the sound.
🐈
It turns out, all Mark had to do was ask his friends na manood kasama niya ng F1 race. Mark is starting to learn that it’s okay to ask for things. But he forgot to tell the others na date sana nila ni Hyuck yon. Baby steps, baka next time kaya na niyang mag no.
So he finds himself sa labas ng dorm niya waiting for Hyuck to pick him up. Jesus, he forgot to bring a jacket again. Nakalimutan niyang nagyeyelo sa condo ng Kuya Ten niya.
He sees Donghyuck’s Land Rover approaching him. He feels a smile swelling on his cheeks.
The window rolls down, and there is Donghyuck in all his beautiful glory.
Mark really does love him, huh. He’s so goddamn beautiful he could melt at the very sight of him, glasses, messy hair, and all.
“Eyo. Holdap to!” Donghyuck jokes.
Mark gets into the car, puts on his seatbelt, and kisses Hyuck’s hand that was resting on the gear shift.
“Hi. You good?” Mark whispers.
“Uhuh. Nakainom ka ng gamot?” Hyuck asks, adjusting the thermostat of his car, and raising the temperature. It’s still a bit chilly though. The weather outside is no help.
Mark still has no clue how he figured out that Mark has been taking medication for anxiety. “Yeah. How did you know, by the way?”
Hyuck looks at him, surprised by the question. “Oh, uhm, nag a-alarm ka. Nung bago tayo matulog last week, it rang. And I saw the description. I didn’t know what it was so I looked it up. Then I confirmed with Jeno.”
Mark nods.
“Is that okay? I’m sorry if that seems too pushy I—”
Mark only holds his hand tighter. I’m so glad I met you . “Thank you.”
Donghyuck smiles at him and begins to drive. He behaves his hand even if all it wants is to hold Hyuck’s. He’s driving, he reminds himself.
🐈
“Alam mo ba, when we started studying together, everything I saw reminded me of you. I thought I was going insane,” Mark says out of the blue.
“Huh?”
“I was contemplating whether or not to ask my doctor to raise my dose. Naaalala kita sa lahat ng nakikita ko,” Mark says.
Hyuck laughs, “Tanga, parang gago!”
“Is that when you realized…” Hyuck continues, that you loved me? He adds without saying anything.
“No. I just.” He laughs softly. “I heard Ten talking about how hurt you were because of your past relationships,” Mark says carefully, surveying if Donghyuck is okay talking about it.
“And I swear I wanted to punch the guy that hurt you. And I don’t like violence. Looking back, to be honest, if they were there I probably would've just asked how they could have done that to you. Kasi narealize ko noon na di ko kakayanin. Mas okay pa na masaktan ako kaysa makita ko na di ka nakangiti.” Mark looks up from his hands and directs his gaze to the boy driving beside him.
“ I just wanted to take care of you,” he adds, like a whisper in the end.
“God and Ten had the audacity to ask me if I liked you. Are you even hearing yourself?” Donghyuck says, smiling.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m okay. I’m here with you. That’s all I want. That’s all I need to be happy.”
Donghyuck stops the car and maneuvers to get a jacket from the backseat.
“Oh. You look like you need one.”
Mark looks at the piece of clothing offered to him.
Finally, warmth.
🐈
The beginning of the end is near, it’s almost at his doorstep. And Mark is not afraid of it anymore.
He welcomes it.
Excited for the bad, the beautiful, the frightening, and exciting uncertainty. He doesn’t know what will come and he’s okay with it.
Beside him, Donghyuck is humming a song.
He lets it be.