Chapter Text
"Eren Jaeger?" A female voice dragged Eren out of his little daydream, bringing him back into the real world. He blinked a couple times, but his vision was blurry. Specifically in his right eye, and only when he looked left. He stood, staring curiously into the blurry spot as he made his way over to the small nurse in the small hallway, only glancing up once to give her a small smile. He thought that would be fitting.
"You're Eren?" The nurse asked. She was small, but not as small as she had looked from his chair in the corner of the waiting room. She had pretty auburn hair worn short and tucked behind her ear, and very pretty blue eyes. She was a small, pretty nurse. Eren nodded in response.
"Yeah."
"Come with me, then." She gave a smile, a fittingly small one, but genuine nonetheless. She led him down the small hallway to a door marked with a number 4 and a small rectangular sign with what Eren assumed should have had a name carved into it, but he couldn't tell. It was right in his blurry spot. He didn't bother turning his head to see what was on it.
"Please, have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Doctor Levi with be with you shortly." Eren entered the room. It was much more spacious than he had anticipated. He heard the door close behind him, and he turned towards it just to make sure that... yes, she was gone.
Eren turned back around to continue absorbing the appearance and atmosphere of the room. Olive green carpet, dark maroon walls... Two brown leather recliners sat in the center of it. The farthest wall was lined with tall windows, which had blinds pulled over them so the room was lit enough to maneuver through, yet not enough to see the black detailing on Eren's navy blue sneakers.
As he approached the chairs, he stared at his feet. He found that as he got closer, the detailing became more and more defined, since he was moving closer to the light. He contemplated whether or not he should sit down in the chairs, one of them at least, but he figured that was the obvious thing to do. So he sat on the floor in front of the chair - the one facing the door. He was an avid anti-conformist. Sometimes he took it a little too seriously, though.
"Mr. Jaeger." A silvery, monotonous voice came from the door.
"Mr. Jaeger was my father." Eren didn't even look, he didn't care to look. He was trying to imagine its owner without looking, predict his appearance based on his voice. He imagined tall, dark hair, strong jawline. Muscular and aesthetically appealing, but not blatantly attractive. More like subtly attractive. The type of person you'd notice for their personality and fall for their appearance later.
"Please, call me Eren." Eren turned, and he wasn't too far off. Doctor Levi was much shorter than he'd initially imagined, and much more attractive. He had thin silvery eyes to match his silvery voice, and wore his dark hair in an undercut, and his jawline was just as strong as predicted. He looked irritated, from Eren's worm's-eye-view. But even from such an awkward angle, he was undeniably good-looking.
"Yes, I know your name. It's written on my clipboard." He extended a hand, likely intending for Eren to shake it. Perhaps to help him up. "I'm Doctor Levi. Don't call me Doctor, though. Just Levi."
Eren slapped him a painfully awkward high five. "Bitchin'." He hopped up and plopped back down into the brown leather recliner.
Levi gave an especially heavy sigh. That whole day, he'd gotten nothing but idiotic teenagers that had nothing to say except racial slurs and ignorant complaints about their parents and siblings. He was really not in the mood for another one. He sat down in the remaining chair and crossed his legs. Eren felt the need to patronize him. He just seemed like the type of person who would be fun to patronize.
"Can I call you Doc?"
"No, you can't."
"I'm gonna call you Doc. What's up, Doc?" He laughed.
Levi let out a deep breath and took his glasses out of his coat pocket. This twerp was obnoxious, but Levi was a professional. He could handle it.
"So this says you've been through... many therapists already."
"17, I believe."
"Is there any particular reason why you've been through so many?"
"I'm trying to set a record."
"Sure you are." Levi's voice came out sarcastic, though he didn't intend for it to be. He did that a lot, the unintentional sarcasm. "Mind telling me the actual reason?"
"Didn't like 'em. They were too nosy."
"They're therapists. It's their job."
"I suppose."
Eren fiddled with the seam on the left armrest."Can we change the subject?" He didn't want to talk about it. Not because he felt it was personal, the topic just bored him. "Let's get to the juicy stuff." He added. He wanted to seem as witty and cunning as possible. He had to leave a good first impression, after all.
"If you insist." Levi scanned the form pinned to his clipboard. Personally, he wanted to find something as personal as possible, something that would make the twerp choke on his breath. Bring him to the brink of tears. But he was a professional.
"Why are you here today?" He asked. He liked open ended questions. Every patient interpreted them differently.
Eren felt the sudden urge to answer with lyrics from a Twenty-One Pilots song. "Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here."
"We?"
"Oui." Eren smiled at the knowledge that Levi wouldn't know that he'd said yes in French rather than 'we.' He liked that sort of dramatic irony.
"Who's we?"
"Me and the voices in my head." Eren said with a cheeky grin. He loved messing with his therapists.
Levi knew Eren was joshing him, but he also knew that if he let him continue he might let slip something that was actually true. "What do they say?"
"They tell me to do things. Mostly they criticize everything I'm doing, telling me I'm worthless and that I should kill myself. They also like to do celebrity impersonations."
"Do they?" Levi said in the most monotonous voice he could muster.
"Oh, yeah. One of them does a really good Charlie Sheen though." He had to cover his mouth to conceal a smile and hold back a snort. Levi checked his watch. Twenty more minutes.
"So tell me more about yourself, Eren." Levi said through a sigh, tilting his head and forcing a smile like he was genuinely interested. He couldn't pull it off, though.
"Okay, umm..." Eren decided to take this question seriously. "I'm eighteen. Just graduated high school this past spring. No plans for college. Uhh..."
Levi could tell that his answers were genuine this time. He wanted to continue that train of thought. "What do you like to do?"
"Consume."
"Consume as in...?"
"Well, see, there are two types of people in this world. Creators and consumers. My buddy Armin, he's a creator. He's a writer, see. Damn good, too. He's got a book published an' everything, and he's my age. The book got published a year ago. Me, I'm a consumer. I watch YouTube videos. Sometimes I tell myself I could be a YouTuber, but really... I can't. I'm boring. No talents, no drive. I used to have drive, though..." Eren stopped once he realized he was steering towards dangerous territory. Levi sensed he was getting closer to something personal. He dug deeper.
"Why don't you have drive anymore?"
"Lost it, I suppose." He looked down again. Levi opened his mouth to speak in slow motion. It was slow motion in Eren's mind anyway. Eren knew if he didn't change the subject quickly, he'd end up revealing something he'd regret. He had to think, think... think of something quick, quick...
"S'anybody ever told you you're real attractive? Like to your face?" Eren regertted it as soon as it slipped out of his mouth.
Levi blinked, and kind of zoned out. He was taken aback. Never before had a patient asked such a question. He pondered why, until he'd realized:
"Are you hitting on me?"
Eren froze. He figured this could go two ways; one, he gets all flustered and denies that he ever even said it because it's not like he had a crush on him... baka. Two, he acts super fucking smooth about it and flirts sarcastically because he's an asshole.
"Yes. I am hitting on you." Because he was an asshole, he went with option two.
"The answer is no, Mr. Jaeger." Levi sighed and scribbled something down on his clipboard. "No, I've never been told that I am attractive, and no, I will not accept your flattery. I wold appreciate it if we could stay on topic." He snuck a glance at his watch. Twelve minutes.
"Damn." Eren gave a smile, to let Levi know he was joking. But Levi didn't see it, he was straightening out his shirt cuffs. He was wearing a nice pinstripe suit, with a dark green tie and an ivory button up underneath. It fit him well, well enough to accentuate what hips he had. Eren could tell he must have been very muscular. He didn't say anything about it, though.
"So, returning to our prior conversation, what do you mean by 'lost your drive?'"
"My driver's license was revoked."
"Funny." Levi said, straight-faced and as monotonous as possible. "Did anything happen, anything that would cause the loss of this drive?"
"I ran over a cop."
"Mr. Jaeger I'd appreciate it if you'd take this session seriously." Levi was getting fed up with this.
"Why should I?" Eren was just getting cockier.
"Because you are paying good money for me to assess your emotional and social stability. I have never met a patient I couldn't treat, and I'm not allowing you to become a negative mark on my resume." Levi's volume never rose an inch, nor did his tone change too drastically. Yet there was a new intensity about the way he spoke that scared Eren. He wanted to hide.
"You'll give up on me eventually. They all do." Eren's volume, however, did rise a bit. He was defensive now, trying to scurry desperately back into his comfort zone. But Levi was holding the door shut from the other side.
"I am not an idiot, Jaeger." He leaned forward in his chair, resting his clipboard on his armrest so he could talk to Eren directly now. He was angry. "I know why you've gone through so many therapists. I know why you're acting like a cocky asshole. I have a PhD in Psychology, but really seeing through this pretentious façade of yours wouldn't require one, because it would take a hell of a lot of ignorance to not realize that you, Mr. Jaeger, are terrified of your own emotions."
The room had been quiet the whole time, but only now did the silence really become prominent to Eren. He stared like a deer in headlights at Levi, trying desperately to string together something, anything to say in defiance to this accusation. But he couldn't even open his mouth to stutter a half-assed comeback.
Levi saw this, and he actually felt sorry for him. He spoke softly now. "I'm not giving up on you. I'm not like your other therapists. You don't have to open up now, but you can be damn sure you will eventually." He said, taking his clipboard and standing up. Eren watched as he tucked it under his arm and sauntered over to the door. He felt so... naked. He'd been hiding everything to avoid that feeling, but Levi had managed to force it on him anyway.
"Have a good day, Jaeger. I'll see you next week." Levi said, with not so much as a glance back at Eren before he shut the door behind him. Eren stared at the small window in the door long after Levi had disappeared from it. He was so confused, so very confused. He should have resented Levi. But strangely, he didn't.
Eren checked the clock on the wall. There were technically still seven minutes left in the session. He wondered if Levi knew that.
Levi did.