Chapter Text
-Seize a move, you're on me
Falling, and we were dissolving-
He felt abandoned, it wasn't a new sensation, but that didn’t make it bearable. He felt like going away, far away and just mold in with the surroundings, fading away. He got up from his small puddle of blood, courtesy of Bakugo, and forced his body to move, despite feeling sore.
-You and me, skies above and wide
It brings on the true night on me-
The sky was a bright blue, it was almost enchanting, but he always preffered it during night, Midoriya ignored the sun getting in his eyes and pushed himself more.
-All I could feel was a "goodbye"
Those only words you wrote, it's plenty to understand ya-
Unlocking the door he stepped in quietly as in to not disturb his sleeping mother. His room was absent of personality. The walls were a boring white and the hard wood floor was scratched and the colour was washed our. His desk was the only messy one, cluttered with notebooks and his overheating old laptop. Amongst them was a carefully packed note, always at the ready, always there in case the time to use it descended upon him. He also had a copy in his backpack, the handwriting was scarily the same, as if it was made by a printer, no inconsistencies. But really who was to blame him? Surely his situation was self-explanatory.
He felt like he was suffocating and he barely got home. Now this wouldn't do. He changed into more comfortable clothes and unloaded the books from his backpack. He couldnt take a shower because of the pipe problem a few streets down. Izuku plopped in his bed and decided to listen to a few songs on repeat for the next few minutes. Minutes turned into hours and before he knew it it was night. He dissociated throughout all of it. Knocking his breath out of his lungs he came back to his senses and looked around him. There was so need for panic, it wasn't the first time it happened. Opening the window he snuck out and inhaled the warm wind. He always preffered the cold... it seemed nothing was going his way.
He walked aimlessly trying to avoid the crowds and ended up in a fairly abandoned zone. There was an abandoned buidling right next to him. It was calling for him. What better coincidence? Maybe it was his fate, decided before he was even born. He willed his feet to move, ready to climb up the stairs fourteen or so floors.
-The sun is going down, the sky behind and
Visions of you would stand
Overlapping with you and the fence beyond-
Panting from the effort he leaned on the rooftop door trying to sync his breath with the pattern he used for his panic attacks.
The door swung open and he was met with an awkward sight. Another peroson was propping themselves on the railing. He stopped in his tracks and stared straight ahead.
The girl looked up and turned around at the sound of the door opening. There were no tears falling or stains her porcelain face. She smiled warmly and put her hands behing her back.
"Are you here to kill yourself as well?" she asked with beautiful innocence in her voice.
-Remember the night that we met up?
Broke into me and taken everything left in my heart-
He stood there indifferent looking.
"Come sit here!" she said getting off the railing.
"I have some lunch remaining, do you want to eat?"
"I might throw up." he said quietly.
"That's fine!" she said. "Then at least come here."
He followed her will and sat criss-crossed on the cold cement. She gently took out her bento box and stuffed her cheeks.
"Mm!! It's so good. Do you want to be friends?" she asked cheerily all of a sudden.
"..."
The wind caressed their faces and danced between the girl's blue locks. She looked beautiful, but he couldn't get himself to feel anything.
-So fragile, is that air, it always keeps on rеvolving near and wide
Lonelinеss envelops deep in your eyes-
"You know, I don't have any friends. But I like you!"
"This is our first time meeting."
"I'm a good judge of character!"
"...sure."
"Really?!" her eyes sparkled between munching on her onigiri. "Call me Nise!"
"I'm... Deku."
"Isn't that an insult?" she said with her finger on her chin.
She was so much more animated than the usual people he saw. It was the first time someone recognized his name as an insult.
"I can't call you that, it's mean."
"Then, Izuku."
She smiled big and closed her eyes. "Izuku it is! How about we make a pact?"
"A pact?"
"A suicide pact!"
He couldn't even be surprised. Everyrhing these days was grey.
"We can't kill eachother unless we both want it and feel ready for it. Excluding today obviously." she added as she looked at the landscape of the city.
'I'll always be ready to die.' he thought, 'but I'll live for you.'... it was unexpected, how the thought overwrote everything else in his mind.
()
-It's stuck in "tick-and-tocking" mode
Never refraining shamble, block of sound
Too many terrible noises around
And the voice ringing in me gets louder
With tears about to fall-
Everything was blurry and the street lights were morphing into shadows. There was a constant noise preventing his from experiencing actual silence. He felt overstimulated and staggered on the way back to his mother's house, never home.
-I need to find me an average happy tiptoe
Locating, never tough when I'm with you-
He threw himself at his bed and grunted tiredly when his head hit the blanket. He felt empty and didn't even have the energy to head to the bathroom and wipe the blood from the previous 'session'.
Midroiya fell asleep thinking about nothing.
()
-Saw what got seen hid beneath, and louder nights keep beating
I'm going to you, and giving brighter shiny tomorrows-
"You actually agreed to meet!" she cheered.
They walked side by side attracting views from every side as Izuku's gakuran was covered in blood and he had a large bruise around his neck. Nice had whisked him away right after Bakugo and his lackeys left.
"I don't understand, why do you pretend to have emotions and be soft when you can't feel anything?"
"The same reason why you pretend to be emotionless around your classmates." he scanned her.
"Well mine makes sense, if I'm invisible it's easier."
"If I was to try and be invisible it would only anger them further, I tried everything, this method has the best response."
"People are so messed up." she oiffed her cheeks adorably.
"Yeah... they are."
"At least we have eachother!" she smiled at him jumping on his arm.
He couldn't and didn't feel anything.
"Oh, sorry for that, but today I have to get home early. My dad is making a potato casserole! And he'll be worried if I keep coming home late, my mom too..."
()
-What can "night" for you mean, infinite? You could run with me
Place your hand in mine, you gotta stay, hold up-
Days passed and they were both still alive. New bruises and burns flowered under his school uniform and they eventually had a habit of picking eachother from school when one of them finished earlier.
-Want to leave it behind, dark cruel days
In deep, you may have hid before
I'm embracing you until more heat dissolve what is caught up-
Despite the relationship between them, he remained alone, but what mattered was that he could bring light into her life and could keep her alive with his useless existence.
-Sun will soon rise up into a day you're no more too afraid
Keep all of me in you-
She was a bright girl, her eyes shone when the sun hit them and glinted gently in the moonlight. Her long hair was adorned by her horns of the same colour and she wore a permanent smile when she wasn't around her school. He would keep her alive until she could choose for herself and recognize her worth in society, unlike his charity case.
-Only perceiving through your eyes
I see nothing, I'll soon hate you, keep me out, I'm crying out-
"You really don't feel like dying yet?" she asked confused, her eyebrows furrowing. She looked at her surroundings interested, cooing at imaginary cats and avoiding imaginary obstacles. He had already gotten used to it.
-You're falling into deeper fascination, givin' away your love
That expression has got me crying out-
"Death must be so pretty!" she said fascinated. "I see it everywhere you know? It's calling, and it's so cute!" Death was truly beautiful, but he had never seen something like that.
"..."
()
-She's gonna try to me, she's gonna lie
Got to force a belief and trust to keep on
Every time it happens, heap of attack, and now I'm back in
I got to cry, then who knows?-
"This isn't healthy, you have schizophrenia."
She choked offended. "So what if I do, I trust death and myself and I hate labels. Plus they are real, are you calling me crazy? How could they be fake, how could all of this-" she said gesturing around her "- be fake. I'm not imagining things, i am perfectly well."
-So we gotta keep on, if you gotta keep on
Then we're gonna keep on
One day, we will understand, I'm believin' in you-
"You can't die without me." he reminded her.
It would be hypocritical to tell her that she would waste her life, that she had to power through and everything would be ok, that she is precious. That... he believed in her.
-"No, wanna stop it, but you got me tired of walking"-
"I-... want to break the pact. I am tired of living beacsue of you!" she yelled. Somehow the few people on the sidewalks didnt turn their heads. "You don't wanna die and you're keeping me away from my beloved death!" Even now she wasn't crying. "I'm sick of it!"
He took it all, listening to her vent. At that point, Midoriya realized he had been keeping the cogs going for too long.
-As I show my needs, I reach to get back on, still not fit in
You free my hand, then leave it-
The hands that cupped his left, falling by her side.
-"No, wanna stop it, you got me tired of walking"
Never told you the truth, I'm feeling that inside-
He didn't know how to say he hadn't abandoned his want of dying and that he was only doing this for her. Didn't know how to tell her what he was feeling.
-Back for another "tick-and-tocking" mode
Never refraining shamble, block of sound
Killing, oh, too many words that I gathered around
Won't let me go to your mind
"I want it to be done" is what went out
It found a way to finally leak out of me
And for once, I could make you let out a smile-
"Ok." was all that left his mouth. He turned away as soon as he said it, not seeing the girl smile sorrowful behind him.
Nise didn't move until he left her field of view. In fact she didn't cease to exist until he left the area.
()
-Saw what got seen hid beneath, and louder nights are keeping me down-
It was time. The moon hung up signaling a different day altogether. He fished his backpack from under his desk and used his window for one last time.
-My new images of you, now, appear heavenly now-
He could swear he could see traces of Nise all around him. Finally seeing the buidling he ran up to it and took a deep breath.
-What can "night" for you mean when fallen seas of tears are gone?-
He climbed up the stairs one by one, not stopping to catch his breath. When it came to throw open the door he saw her.
-They dissolve into the peace inside of you, oh-
As soon as they met eyes, her blue abyss engulfed him and like an edited flashback he realized in the end. He finally realized.
She was.. beautiful.
-Calling to life, hit beneath, crying days in the eternal
Give me what I saw in you, oh, what an end to stop all-
She was... crying, blue pearly tears. She embraced him in a hug and said.
"I'm sorry you had to live for me, it was never my intention. I wanted to give you a chance, to see if I could remedy anything, but I made you suffer more." Her body was cold devoud of warmth, a change brought to her by his realization. but her voice was all he needed.
-Seize a move, you're on me, falling and we were dissolving
See me to it, fog is leaving, bright air move
Want to leave it behind, tucked all days away, forget, and hid beneath-
"Come with me." she said, stretching her hand towards him.
-Hand in hand, extend to me, that let me know beyond falls-
He grabbed it and they both positioned themselves on the edge, climbing over the measly safety fence. The backpack was laying a few meters away, with tye letter in it as always.
"I promise you'll rest, you deserve it. Death is beautiful."
"Spread your arms like a bird!" she laughed tenderly. "We're finally free!" she cried into the night as they both took a step back while facing away from the city.
-Through the seas of beyond, so loud and blows you afloat in the sky-
They both fell, it felt endless, and superb. It felt like everything could finally be over, a must deserved break, a long sleep.
Midoriya hit the ground with a splash. His bones cracked and pierced through his skin, his skull shattered and his jaw unhinged. His dull eyes were wide open, slowly becoming more and more milky. His arm was straight and hand caved in as if he was holding something. But around him it was empty.
-New wind moving into you-
The wind was flowing through his corpse, the same wind that had flown though his wings.
-Tonight, don't ever lose sight of me and let go
You and me are running through the night in dark, I'll take you-
Death appeared next to him, carefully whisking him away. She stepped in the puddle of blood never disturbing it as she was but an imaginary being... but not to him.... she never was imaginary for him.