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Like every person with a vagina before her, Barbie has a not fun time at the gynecologist.
“Why didn’t you warn me?” Barbie grouses in a way that reminds Gloria of Sasha.
“I mean – I did try,” Gloria points out. Which, well, is maybe a half truth. She did tell Barbie that nobody really enjoys going to the doctor, but getting into the specifics of a pap smear with someone who used to be a doll her daughter played with was just a little too far out of Gloria’s comfort zone.
“What’s the male equivalent of that?” Barbie asks her.
Gloria thinks on it for a long moment. “I don’t really think there is one.”
“Oh. That sucks.”
“Yeah. It does.”
---
Gloria decides to give Barbie a driving lesson before she tries for her license (Mattel had set Barbie up with a birth certificate and social security number, but apparently the DMV was too powerful for even Mattel’s purview).
But it ends up being for naught, because Barbie takes to driving a real car with little issue.
“How is this possible?” Gloria asks, flabbergasted as Barbie makes a flawless three-point turn without any instruction.
“I have been driving for literally my entire life.”
“In a toy car!”
Barbie gives her a smirk. She’s been getting pretty good at those, thanks to Sasha.
“Still counts.”
---
Swimming, on the other hand, does not come easily to Barbie.
She’s still unused to water being real here and was still a bit afraid of it. She obviously accepted that she’d have to drink it now that she was capable of actually feeling thirst, and she learned fast that showers with water were a very necessary component of being human, but actually fully getting into the water was another story.
Gloria’s neighbors let her borrow their pool whenever they are out of town, which is really great, because otherwise Gloria isn’t sure how she would explain the image of her thirteen-year-old daughter teaching a fully grown woman how to swim.
It’s actually kind of heartwarming how much Sasha has become taken with Barbie over time, the two forming a relationship where somehow both of them are like an older sister to the other, which is not as weird as it sounds, and is actually quite sweet. Well, that’s what Gloria insists.
So yeah, Gloria lets Sasha take the lead on the swim lessons, watching from a chaise so she doesn’t have to worry about getting her hair wet and having to do it all over again for work in the morning (now that she’s gotten that promotion, she wants to come across as even more professional than before which means no hair that smells like chlorine).
It takes several hours for Barbie to even feel comfortable swimming across one side of the shallow end to the other, and several more before she’ll let Sasha lead her into the deep end, but finally after a long day at the pool, Barbie actually knows how to swim.
“Maybe we can try this in the ocean next time!” Barbie exclaims, so full of the confidence that still takes Gloria aback sometimes. She’s never known a woman that confident before.
“Baby steps, Barbie,” Sasha chides. “Baby steps.”
Gloria can’t help but smile. Sasha sounds just like her.
---
It’s actually kind of insane how many appliances a human being has to know how to use.
Gloria never really thought about it before, but she’s certainly thinking about it now, as she has to teach Barbie how to use all of them or risk getting her house burned down.
Oven, stove, microwave, washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, blender…the list is endless. Sasha at least takes on the task of teaching Barbie how to use a real smartphone and laptop, ones that are actually connected to the internet. It’s for the best – Sasha was the one who had to give Gloria the lecture on internet safety when she got a bit too into Buy Nothing Facebook groups anyway.
Gloria comes home from work one night to find them at the kitchen table, Sasha showing Barbie her For You Page on TikTok.
“Hey girls,” Gloria calls out over a video of several teenagers doing some weird dance to some truly horrendous song. “How was your day?”
Sasha gives her a standard monosyllabic answer. “Fine.”
“Sasha and I learned how to use tampons today,” Barbie adds cheerfully.
“Oh,” Gloria blinks back, glancing quickly at the both of them. “Um…alright.”
So yeah, sometimes things still get pretty fucking weird.
---
Living in Los Angeles, it takes Barbie several months to experience rain, but when it does, she’s mystified.
“I know it sounds stupid,” she admits to Gloria as they watch through the windows as the rain falls, mugs of Gloria’s hot chocolate in hand. “But I was kind of starting to think that maybe rain was only something that happened in the movies.”
“No, that’s just Los Angeles. And I don’t think it sounds stupid,” Gloria smiles softly at her.
“It was always sunny in Barbieland,” Barbie murmurs quietly.
“Yeah, honey. I know.”
---
Barbie gets homesick sometimes.
She tries to hide it, but Gloria hears her crying through the door one night, popping her head in to check on her. Barbie immediately looks caught, wiping away her tears with the back of a hand.
“Everything okay, hon?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Barbie nods quickly. “I’m fine.”
Gloria’s very used to this after years of parenting Sasha. “Are you sure? Because it’s okay if you’re not.”
“I – “ And with that, Barbie’s face crumples again, tears falling freely. “I just…I miss Barbieland, miss my friends, really. I mean, I love it here so much! I love being human, I love you and Sasha,” she’s quick to reassure, but Gloria just nods for her to go on. “But…I miss my friends too sometimes. That’s all,” she finishes with a mumble.
“Hey, hey, come here,” Gloria sighs, pulling Barbie into a hug, stroking the back of her head in a hopefully comforting manner. “It’s totally okay to be homesick, you know that right? I’m not offended, and I don’t think Sasha would be either.” Gloria pulls away, looking Barbie in the eye again. “Barbieland was the only home you had ever known before you became human, of course you miss it sometimes. Of course you miss all the other Barbies and Kens and Allan – “
“And Midge and Skipper and Weird Barbie even,” Barbie cuts in.
“Right. Maybe…maybe selfishly I’ve wanted you to always be around us. Me and Sasha. But you need more than us. Everyone needs community. You should be making other friends and dating and maybe even get a job – “
“Do you think I’m a freeloader?” Barbie asks, panic in her eyes.
“Of course not, honey.” And Gloria means it, now that she’s finally making good money at Mattel. “But I do think it’d be good for you. It’s a very human experience, you know.”
“I – I’ve never worked before. All the other Barbies had jobs, but not me. I’m not even sure how I’d – “
“You’ll figure it out,” Gloria assures her. “Just like everybody else.”
“Yeah,” Barbie smiles. “Just like everybody else.”
---
Barbie gets herself a job at one of the stores at the Century City mall.
“I still don’t understand why Ken liked Century City so much, but the mall is so cool Gloria!” Barbie tells her excitedly after her first day. “There’s a whole court just dedicated to food!”
With the job quickly comes friends and with friends comes social outings that aren’t with Gloria or Sasha. Gloria’s okay with it. Or at least she’s really trying to be.
But then Barbie comes home one night from work a little more anxious than usual.
“A uh…a guy asked me out at work today,” Barbie finally admits over dinner.
“Oh!” Gloria exclaims, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible. “Okay. Did you say yes?” Barbie shakes her head no. “Well, that’s okay. You’re always allowed to say no.”
“I know that, it’s just…the other girls thought I was crazy. Cause I guess they all thought he’s really handsome or whatever but…I wasn’t attracted to him. I – I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to any man. Ever.”
Gloria drops her fork, reaching out to take Barbie’s hand, sending a glance over Sasha’s way, who just gives her a nod. “That’s okay, too, you know.”
“It is?”
“Yeah,” Sasha cuts in. “It is. I – I’m not attracted to men either. I only like girls.” Gloria gives her daughter an encouraging smile. Sasha had come out to her months ago, when they first got back from Barbieland, but had held off on telling Barbie, worried she wouldn’t fully understand what being a lesbian really meant yet.
“Oh,” Barbie blinks, processing that. “I didn’t realize that was an option. I’m not sure if I like girls, then. I never really thought about it. What if…what if I don’t like anybody?”
Sasha just shrugs. “Then that’d be pretty cool too.”
---
They’re on their way out the door, heading to the movies, when Gloria realizes Barbie isn’t right behind them.
She heads back inside, Sasha groaning dramatically (teenagers) but following anyway, only to find Barbie planted in front of the mirror in the hall.
“What are you doing, we’re gonna be late.”
“I uh – I was just fixing my hair and um. I have a gray one. A gray hair, I mean.”
“You have a gray hair?”
“Yeah, I do,” Barbie smiles, unshed tears in her eyes. “Isn’t that just amazing?”