Archive of Our Own

One is the loneliest number. 

Yoo Joonghyuk knew the feeling all too well. 

He had been born into an influential family, their only son. With being their sole heir, he had a mountain of expectations thrown onto him at a young age. From how he acted, how he looked, who he liked, and most importantly how he would have to hold up their entire family name for the next generation.

Don’t disappoint us. 

His parent’s would never say it directly, but the words they spoke were dripping with venom, threatening to spit it out whenever he wasn’t up to their standards. They made sure he understood, even without saying those three words, making sure it was always lingering in his mind.

Any normal child with such heavy burdens would have toppled over in seconds, like when a child first learned to walk. But not Yoo Joonghyuk. He was raised to be better than that, he was born to succeed, and to only succeed. 

In school he was ranked best in all his subjects. Physics, history, calculus, and every other course they were forced to take, Yoo Joonghyuk’s name was always number one. He made it look easy. Coming to class everyday in one of the top ranking schools in all of Korea, not a single wrinkle in his expensive uniform or a hair out of place on his head. He would sit down at his desk with perfect posture, staring straight at the board. 

He would listen to the mindless chatter of the teacher, not bothering to take any notes. He didn’t care for any of the lessons, and would rather spend his time daydreaming in his mind. His mother used to scold him for never writing anything down, telling him it ruined his perfect image. He had to be a model student of course, how could he get away with not taking notes? Everyday she would ask him for his notebook, and yell at him in disappointment when not a single piece of lead had touched the paper. 

After a year of her high pitched screaming, he grew tired of her, and didn’t want to waste his time. When class was over, it was easy to get a classmate to copy their notes onto his, making it seemed as though he was actually paying attention in class. Once he got students to write his notes for him, his mother didn’t say anything. 

He had almost gotten caught the first time he did it. She was glancing over his work, making sure it wasn’t complete gibberish he had decided to write down just to get her off his back. It wasn’t, but it also wasn’t his writing. His mother knew exactly what his handwriting looked like, and whatever girly handwriting that was imprinted on his paper was not his. She immediately spotted the differences in style. 

“When was your handwriting so feminine?” She interrogated him as she slammed the notebook down onto the dining table where the contents of his backpack had been emptied out.

Joonghyuk shrugged. “My hand was tired today.”

He knew it was a lie. His mother did too.

Lying was so easy. All you had to do was say the words, and as long as they supported your claim, they could never guess otherwise. Sometimes, the evidence didn’t even make sense, but his classmates would soak up the words as if they were god's words themselves. Even when the truth was so easy to see, like a neon sign in the middle of the night.

His mother, though, was a liar just like him. That meant she could tell when he wasn’t telling the full truth like picking out peas and carrots from his vegetable bowl. She had quite the knack for it, making her so good at her profession as a lawyer.

Technically, he wasn’t lying when he really thought about it. His hand was sore, just not from writing. After school, he was supposed to go to cram school and continue his studies, but instead he went out to the gaming cafe and pushed his keyboard a little too hard with his fingers. 

Only money can buy a good education, which was exactly what his parents had done for him. So, everyday after school he was required to go to another elite cram school he couldn’t give a lesser crap about. What’s the point of going to cram school when you already go to school for seven plus hours a day? He didn’t get it, nor did he like it, and so with the money his parents allowed him to have unlimited access to, he used it to bribe his tutors into not contacting his parents if he had actually gone or not. The tutor’s were not impressed, but they didn’t care the moment money was on the line. He didn’t care if more money was being sent to their filthy money hungry hands, especially when it allowed him to skip his boring cram school. Plus, it wasn’t like it would even make a dent in his parent’s bank account. He doubted they even noticed the fact that maybe more than a few thousand extra dollars were missing every month.

She checked her thousand dollar watch on her wrist, and sighed in annoyance. “I have a meeting to go to.” She closes the notebook and places it onto the table. “I’ll be seeing you later.” She doesn’t leave him without raising an accusing eyebrow, before grabbing her million dollar purse and leaves the room, the sound of the front door shutting close behind her.

He jumps off his chair, and messily stuffs his notebooks back into his backpack. It wouldn’t matter if they got beat up a bit, a few crinkled notebooks killed nobody. 

If good grades weren't the only thing that kept him as number one, it was also his stunning looks.

He wondered how he had been with what people called ‘such a handsome face’ or a ‘face of a model’ when he never bothered to spend more than ten minutes in the morning in front of the mirror. He would wake up, brush his hair, moisturize with some random cream his mother had given him while he was young, brush his teeth, and be on his merry way. He never had to deal with breakouts, bed head, or any other casualties that one may deal with in the morning. 

Just because he didn’t understand it, didn’t mean he wouldn’t abuse it.

With just his good looks, he could make any girl swoon just by walking past him, lashes fluttering to try and catch his attention. They couldn’t help themselves. They were all rich girls who from a young age were told that they needed a man with certain requirements. Rich, handsome, tall, dominant, and so on. Joonghyuk, had just happened to check off every item of the list, making him stand out compared to the boys around him. Who wouldn’t want to be with the number one student?

He wasn’t just a goody two shoes like their parents wanted though. He had an overall dark aura to him, making him seem more mischievous, deadly, and what one considered a ‘bad boy’. Girl’s were tired of the ‘good boy’ trope, after seeing it so many times, as well as noticing how unexciting it was to be with them. Sure, they would be a sweetheart and shower them with their love, but that’s not what girls at his school wanted these days. They wanted a boy who would treat her rough and play heart to get. His dark features and height only added to the appeal, making it even easier to fall in love with him.  

Again, every requirement, he met. He was number one after all. 

Oh how he was tired of it. HIs perfect grades and stunning looks brought hopes and dreams to the same type of girl over and over again. They dreamt a future together, with a large family, a pet dog, and a big house where they would live. It would be their happy little ever after, where they would get to live at home while their rich husbands worked long hours and only come home in the middle of the night. When he would finally arrive, he would shower them in kisses, telling her how much he missed her, ask her about the kids, how her day was, mindless banter. 

Whenever he sat at his desk, small envelopes with heart wax seals would make its appearance often. It always started with a [Dear Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi] and would always continue with the same spiel as the last. 

[Ever since I saw you in class the first day of school, I couldn’t look away.]

[You always inspire me to be the best version of myself.]

[Even though we haven’t talked a lot, I cherish every moment I have with you.]

[You always make my day brighter, and I couldn’t imagine a day without you.]

It was always among the same lines on how he apparently ‘changed their lives’ or was  ‘the hero I didn’t know I needed’. After hearing it so many times, it really loses its meaning. It wasn’t like he really cared for them in the beginning, but over time he began to just stop reading them overall. They didn’t ever bother to put their names anyway. Always signed by ‘anonymous’ . 

He was sure the girls wanted him to recognize them by their handwriting, the way the envelope smelled, and would do everything in his power to try and figure out who this mystery girl was. If they didn’t want to be known, then he wouldn’t do anything to try and figure them out. He knew it was the opposite of romantic, but in the gaming world being anonymous was important, and it wasn’t like he was going to breach a big moral code in his online world. He wasn't doing it because of his ‘good morals’ but more like using it as an excuse, as well as slightly hoping he would crush their dreams so they wouldn’t come back.

It didn’t stop at the letters though. 

“Yoo Joonghyuk, would you meet me at the rooftop today after school?” Their fingers would fidget behind their backs, eyes nervously looking away, glancing upwards with their cutest pouts.

The moment he was asked to go to the school rooftop, he knew he would crush another girl's dream. He never felt bad for it though. Why should he? It wasn’t like it was his fault for not liking her. She fell in love, and he didn’t. It was as simple as that. He didn’t need to force himself to fall in love with someone he knew he wouldn’t be happy with. So, he rejects them with tears overflowing in their eyes, heart breaking into two.

“You see, recently I’ve been noticing you a lot. To the point, whenever I see you I can’t help but look away at your stunning beauty.”

He would have to stand there awkwardly for a long time, feeling as the cold breeze dried out his eyes as they went on and on. They would glance back and forth, shuffle their feet, and overall be a nervous wreck every time. He wanted them to get it over with, make it quick. Just say the goddamn words already so he could reject them as soon as possible, and climb down the stairs and spend his time the way he actually wants to. 

“Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi, I really like you.”

“I think I love you Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi.”

“Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi, will you go out with me?”

“Will you be my boyfriend, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi?”

The moment the words left their lips, he would ponder, just for a few seconds. He never knew why he did it, but somewhere inside of him told him he liked seeing the way life drained out of their eyes the moment he said no. He was taunting them. Giving them hope that he would say yes, and wrap her in his arms, kiss her on the lips and tell her that he had the same feelings for her, when in reality, the answer was set in stone the moment she even asked to go to the roof.

He was slightly sadistic, but he would never admit it.

As he grew older, the more and more tired he was of these confessions. By his first year of highschool, he wouldn’t even bother to read the letters. He would find new ones laying on his desk, pick them up, and immediately toss them into the trash can. Whichever girl ran out the room with her hands over her heart, was most likely the one who had sent it to him. He would shrug and go back to playing games at his desk. When a girl asked him out, he would lie and say he was busy afterschool, and completely ignore her request.

His mother told him he should find a nice girl. By a nice girl, she would always mean an obedient one. Obviously, she would have to be the top of their class, beautiful both inside and out, and every other unrealistic expectation women were expected to meet. Her personality didn’t matter as long as she seemed respectful and powerful from the outside, all she would be is another plus for the long Yoo family.

How did she even think he would want to get married to another woman when he saw his parent’s relationship? They had been an arranged marriage, never for actual love. From the outside, they played the part where his mother was the loving wife who missed her husband so dearly, while he was out away working hard for the family, and his father was the hardworking husband that would sacrifice the world for the one he loved. Well, fun fact, the one he loved wasn’t his mother, obviously. He barely actually heard is parent’s even speak to each other in his entire life. 

His father was a famous businessman, owning his own business which led to never actually being home as he would be away on overseas business trips. In reality, he didn’t really know his father much. With how busy he was, during all the big holidays he would just write some random postcard with a photo of the current location he was in, and would write empty ‘I miss you’ and ‘How’s Joonghyuk?’ . They never bothered to send anything back. It wasn’t like he was ever going to read their reply anyway.

His mother was a well known lawyer, known for being able to crack down on even the toughest of cases. His mother was strict, and wouldn’t accept anything but what she wanted. That meant, when she told Joonghyuk to try and get a girlfriend, she first allowed him to try on his own. After noticing he did absolutely nothing about it, she tried pairing him up with young girls who were the daughters of rich CEO’s. 

The first few, he went to. They were most likely the most awkward experiences he's ever had. They would go out to a coffee shop, and have a conversation over some nice hot coffee. The issue is, Joonghyuk didn’t like talking. Meaning, the girls were talking to the equivalent of a brick wall. Sometimes, they would try and have another date, convincing themselves that he was ‘just nervous’ or something of the sort that would change his personality, but in the end it would be the same. 

After so many failed attempts, as well as getting tired of the same type of people over and over again, he wouldn’t even bother with them at that point, and would always ‘accidentally’ miss their dates. His mother would always be fuming when he came home, calling him an ungrateful brat and how she does so much for him and the best thing he could do in return was do what she wanted him to. 

He didn’t care though. 

This lack of talking wasn’t only with girls. It was with anyone.

It made it difficult to become friends with him when whenever they would ask a question, they would only get silence in return. Everybody at school knew of his status, of course they would want to be his friend, companion, so on. He was number one . It wasn’t his fault that their questions were so meaningless, repetitive, and would get their conversation nowhere. He would rather reject it all from the beginning then give someone false hope.  This cold personality made it so he never hung out with people. Even if he did, the ones he would call his so-called ‘friends’ were obviously after his status then actually enjoying their time spent with him. 

He had once tried becoming friends with someone while he was younger, before he realized what they were truly after.

“Play with me?” A young boy in the same class as him asked. They were both very young, only in preschool. 

Not knowing any better, Joonghyuk had accepted the offer and went to play with him in the play area of their small school. The kid did all the talking for him, blabbing on about his favorite television show in baby talk that he had never watched, but was mildly interested in with how excitedly the boy was talking about it. After their long day of lessons on shapes and colors, soon enough the bell had rung, signaling to all the young children that their parents were ready to pick them up. 

Joonghyuk was always the last to be picked up. It was never his mother that came to pick him up, but instead a professional nanny. She would pick him up from school, drop him off at home, make him a snack, help him with his homework, and so on. Anything a good caretaker should do. They paid her well, and yet she was never able to pick him up on time. 

When the two kids left the classroom together, he could immediately tell how the parents glanced back and forth between each other. When they left hand in hand with their child, they would whisper their newest ‘mission’ for them to achieve the next day of preschool.   

The next day, he was bombarded with the entire class. Every student asked if they wanted to go play with them during free time, fight with each other over who would sit next to him during lunch, ask if he could help them with their work, and so on. Trying nonstop to try and catch his attention. The boy from the day before, pushed his way through the crowd every time, and would grab onto his small wrist with his just as small hand. “Joonghyuk will play with me.” and would drag him away. He was slightly thankful for it, glad to finally get away from that annoying crowd. 

“Why are you sticking with me, there are many other kids who want to be friends?” Joonghyuk asked him as the two were silently racing their toy cars from the shared toy box. So many kids wanted to become friends with him, why couldn’t he have just chosen another child who wanted to have friends just as desperately. 

“My parents told me to become friends with you.” The boy murmured, and stopped his toy car in the middle of the race they were having on the windowsill. 

At that moment, it clicked in Joonghyuk young brain. Even at a young age, he understood what was happening. The whispers that parents told their children were about him. About how if they were to become friends with him, they would be guaranteed a better social status. It wasn’t even like his preschool was a normal one anyway. Just like all the schools Joonghyuk had gone to, it was elite as well. But then again, wealthy people could never keep their grimy hands off of climbing higher to the sky.

After that day, Joonghyuk never talked to him again. 

Being number one , meant he would have to isolate himself from those who were trying to drag him down. 

Not only was he born extremely smart, but he was born with quite the knack for athletics as well. He was born with both flexibility and strength that made him ruthless during their physical education classes, being able to throw, kick, or toss a ball with perfect accuracy. 

Whenever they had to choose their teams, everyone would want him to become team captain. Of course, he never did, but whichever caption got lucky and got to go first, would always choose him. It was obvious when the opposing team already gave up before the game even started after seeing who they were going against. Joonghyuk would never admit it, but he was slightly proud of the fact that he had never lost a single match throughout his entire physical education highschool career. It wasn’t his fault that he was born naturally more athletic than the rest. 

During physical testing, like running, pushups, the sit and reach, and so on, he would always get the best numbers. His running time, as fast as the wind, pushups, he could go for days, sit and reach, he might have as well become a flat table with how perfect they were. He would always get number one no matter where he went.

He would commonly be asked to join the basketball club, the baseball clubs, and even the calligraphy club by his classmates, but no matter how hard they begged he would always reject. 

There was another sport’s club he was more interested in. Online sports. Specifically, gaming. His parents knew his obsession with the online world, especially in the gaming sphere. The moment he learned that he could play video games online opened an entire new world for him. Now, instead of spending his time studying like his parents wanted to, he would devote his time and attention to his phone. 

During school, he would whip his phone out and ignore everything around him, tapping away at his screen. Soon, he grew bored of playing on his too small screen, and did some research about other ways to play video games online. He had struck solid gold in his first year of middle school when he learned about PC bangs, somewhere he could pay to use computers with the added bonus of snacks. 

The moment he walked into his first gaming cafe, he was hooked. The atmosphere was exactly what he was looking for. Who wouldn’t wish for a silent coffee shop to study, with a hot cup of coffee to help them? Not Joonghyuk. He loved the dark atmosphere with only the neon lights and computer screens to illuminate the room. Coffee was great, but having a cold sip of his favorite soda was even better when he was sweating from an intense battle in game. 

Everyday after school, he would go to his nearby gaming cafe, and spend hour after hour there, beating every single opponent in his way. He felt like it was his true calling. It wasn’t something that was forced upon him from a young age like everything else in his life, but something he decided. For the first time, he felt like he had finally found something that he could make him own. 

Instead of being number one is something his parents wanted him to be, he would choose.

His parents didn’t approve. The first few times, he would be able to get away with a simple lie of 'I was studying with a classmate’ or some other nonsense he would never do, but after a week his mother quickly caught on. Joonghyuk had actually threatened all of his classmates that had seen him walking towards the cafe to say nothing. Normally, that would be enough for them to keep their mouths shut, but when bribed with large amounts of money from his mother they all couldn’t help but run their mouths. 

“One of your classmates told me you actually haven’t been at school at all” His mothers cold tone pierced through the room. The two didn’t have dinner often together, his mothers schedule always being too full. Today was one of the rare days they could actually sit down together for a nice warm meal prepared by their chefs. Joonghyuk always hated it.

He didn’t say a word, and continued to scoop large chunks of rice into his mouth. He made sure to chew extra slowly, so if she told him to start talking, he could just say it was rude to talk with your mouth full.

“Joonghyuk, you know you don’t want to mess with me.” Her cold tone was now replaced with a threatening edge. “Apparently you’ve been sneaking off to a gaming cafe in town.”

He finished chewing, and was about to scoop another bite of rice into his mouth before his mother slammed her hands down onto the large dining table, making all the plates shake.

“ANSWER ME. HAVE YOU BEEN WASTING YOUR TIME?” She stood up from her seat, palms spread open on the table as they shook in anger. 

He doesn’t answer. She already knew the answer. 

After that night, he would never get his own privacy again.

His mother had hired a private maid to stay by his side twenty four hours a day except while he was in school. That meant, right when the final bell for school rang, he would be escorted by a professional maid by the gates of school, and be walked home. 

He despised her. 

He tried to make her life a living hell like she was doing to him. His mother knew of his more violent behavior, and made sure she was trained in hand to hand combat, so when he tried to walk the other direction, with an iron grip she would grab his shoulders and drag him home. He had tried fighting, but not even a strong middle schooler could take down a professional grown up. 

Though she only lasted a year. 

Joonghyuk wanted her off his back as soon as possible, and so for a solid year straight he would act his best as a way to persuade his parents that he was capable of being on his own. It was sufferable, such pain he never wanted to feel again, but it would be worth it. 

It didn’t stop him from gaming though. During the school day, he would ask classmates to bring him their consoles so he could practice. He hated depending on the useless people around him, but they were at least useful enough that they could help get him what he needed. 

After a year, he had successfully convinced his entire family and the maid herself that he was capable, and so after a year of walking on eggshells he was finally free again. He would have to be more careful now though. He knew he couldn’t trust his classmates, so he would always walk to the direction of his house before taking a quick one eighty when nobody was there and would go back to the gaming cafe. 

He would always bring a black mask around with him, as well as a large black hoodie where he could try and keep as much as his identity concealed. This is how he continued gaming throughout his school career. He created quite the name after being able to defeat anyone that dared to go against him, the number one player at the cafe. 

People would often hang out around the cafe to try and catch him playing. Most had guessed he was a student, as he would only come around when school needed it, but there was never enough information to uncover who he really was. It was bliss. Being able to ignore his parents wishes and do what he wanted. Do what he was passionate about and be the number one player. 

Throughout his childhood, he was always number one . Number one in athletics, education, status, and so on. It continued to follow him even after he had graduated highschool.

With his god-like performance throughout his highschool years, it was only understandable that he was accepted into the best college in Korea. Even though he would never take notes, pay attention in class, or even do the homework, he continued to fly past the school with the number one grades. It wasn't this fault that everything was so easy. He had photographic memory, so once he read something once, he could easily remember it forever. 

Whenever he saw other people reach the top, all he saw was their glory. How their life goal was fulfilled, as if their entire reason for living had just been completed. 

Joonghyuk had never had such a feeling. 

Maybe if he pursued what he wanted to do, maybe that hole would finally be filled.

He had moved out right after highschool, and found a small apartment. His parents wanted him to find his own independence before taking over his fathers business. Even though he was used to people cleaning his house, making his meals, and doing all the housework, didn’t mean he was bad at it. In reality, he was just as amazing at it. He could have easily been the best housewife to ever exist. 

Without telling his parent’s, he sent his withdrawal letter without telling anyone. There was no way he was going into whatever finance major that they wanted him to. He was a full grown adult, meaning he could do whatever he wanted. 

He wanted to pursue gaming, not whatever his parent’s would force him into. The moment he did, the school had immediately contacted his parents. At that point, Joonghyuk was used to being yelled at by his parents, but he had never felt it to such a degree before.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!” His mother’s shrill voice grated at his ears. She would always get mad at him often, but never to this degree. “ARE YOU TRYING TO WASTE EVERYTHING WE”VE EVER DONE TO YOU?!?!” 

His father nodded his head in agreement. He couldn’t believe how his father, the one who he barely knew, came back just to scold him for dropping out of college. Sure, it might be a big deal in the family, but his father had never even congratulated him on getting in, nor did he even come to his highschool graduation, or even any of his other great achievements. It must have been because it was already expected of him, so there was no point to even celebrate. 

For the first time in his entire eighteen years of life, his mother slapped him. His eyes widened in shock. She had always been strict with him, but never to the point where she ever got physical. It shook him to his core, and before he knew it, he was thrown out of the house with nothing but the clothes on his body.

His parent’s cut contact with him. They stopped paying for his bills. They completely withdrew from his life. They thought, ‘maybe if we show him how much he really needs us, he’ll come back’. Boy, were they wrong.

Joonghyuk would try to fill that empty hole his parents carved out of him by starting to stream. In just a month, he was already in the top thirty streamers in the entire website. It was a mixture of the gaming skills he had developed throughout the years, as well as the fact he allowed his face to be shown to the entire world to see. 

He attracted those who weren’t even interested in video games, and instead were entranced by his prince-like beauty. He did just fine. He rose the ranks until he was number one on the most watched streamers on the website. Like always. All he had to do was sit down at his desk, play videogames with his video camera on, and the cash came flowing. He thought he had done it.

His parents had tried multiple times to get back into contact with him, but this time, it was him who shunned them out. He was an adult living on his own, he could do what he wanted. No matter how much blackmail they sent him, or how much money they used to bribe, Joonghyuk would never come back. He had left his past self behind, and he could focus on what he truly wanted.

But it wasn’t enough.

A feeling of satisfaction that meant he could finally rest his tired body and just be . Being number one was something he was expected to do, and so when he did it, he got no satisfaction. From the outside, anyone could easily guess that he was living his best life. He had everything he needed, and was the best at it all. 

But somewhere deep inside of him urged him for something he didn’t even know or understand. At first he thought, ‘maybe if I become number one like my parents said, the feeling would finally go away.’ It never did. He wasn’t living up to his parent’s expectations anymore, and living the life he thought he wanted. 

Despite this, there was always a hole in him that could never be filled no matter what. He thought that if he became number one for something he wanted, maybe it would finally feel like he wasn’t starving for more. But the more and more he climbed, the emptier it would get. 

Then, the world ended. 

Not really, but close enough. The scenarios had begun, taking the entire world by storm. Everything was in chaos, people were dying, fighting, struggling to survive by the thinnest of threads. He thought that maybe, maybe this would finally do it. Maybe he could finally fill that gap that had been clawing away inside of him for so many years.

He had been blessed with the power of being a regresser, something that nobody but a few select people would ever be gifted. He could retry as many times he wanted. Just like in a video game. If he messed up and it wasn’t perfect, wasn’t first, he could just click the restart button. 

Then he met Kim Dokja.

At first he didn’t want to admit it. 

The man was so… normal…

His height, average. He had black eyes and hair like everyone else. He worked a random office job that didn’t pay him well. He lived off cup noodles and cheap foods because he was so poor. The list could go on and on about how normal this man's life was compared to everyone else's in korea. 

But something about him drew him in. 

Joonghyuk wasn’t one for words, but bickering with the other man gave him a satisfaction he couldn’t stop. He could insult the man for days, down to the way he dressed to the way he walked. He found him annoying, like a pest that he could never get rid of, but he didn’t want him to go.

He couldn’t understand his own feelings. Why was he feeling this? This wasn’t like any other challenge he had had before. Schoolwork, just study and he would be fine. Sports, just practice and he could be unstoppable. Gaming, strategizing and he could win with just a single tap of a button. He could become number one in anything. Dokja was not like that. He was a person. A person with his own emotions, his own life experiences, his own being. He couldn’t become number one for? Of? Dokja. It was just something that he couldn’t do. 

“There's so much tension between you two.” Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes dramatically as she watched the two bicker. “Get a room.” She scoffed before turning away.

“What does that mean Dokja-ssi?” Gilyoung, the poor innocent child asked, tilted his head towards Dokja. 

The other man goes bright red in the face, which brought slight satisfaction to Joonghyuk. He would never admit it though. “Nothing you need to know for now.” He smiles towards the boy in the kindest way possible, trying to hide his annoyance from the comment.

He and Dokja would fight whenever they were near each other to the point where it would become a hazard. Whenever they were close, Dokja’s party knew trouble would be coming soon, something that felt way worse than a scenario. 

“Don’t act stupid.” Joonghyuk scoffed.

“I will not, you stupid sunfish.” Dokja spat back.

Joonghyuk would never admit it, but he loved it. He loved the way Dokja would focus attention on him, even if it was endless bickering. The moment after he met him, then lost him, he knew he would have to search for him again and again until that hole in his chest could finally be filled.

“Well maybe actually show it!” Joonghyuk darted in front of Dokja and blocked a deadly blow with his blade. Dokja jumped back, and defended him from the monsters attacking behind. 

“I don’t know, maybe stop acting like a self entitled brat with his ego as high to the sky!” Dokja panted as he continued to slice through the monsters that never seemed to end. 

He hadn’t even known how they got into that situation. One moment, the two were walking together because Dokja had wanted to talk to him in private for some reason, and the next a sudden raid of monsters had begun to attack them. Without a second to lose, they forgot what that originally came to do, and instead focused on staying alive.

They continued to slice through each monster with every slash of their swords, Joonghyuk being the faster one of the two with his increased stamina and strength, while Dokja was sloppier from his lack of training. 

“When will they end!” Dokja was full of gasping for air now. His chest heaved up and down with every breath, arms sloppy and slow as he continued to swing towards the unidentified monsters. Joonghyuk knew he wouldn’t last any longer, and with the way the tides were turning, he doubted the two could keep up. Even he was starting to feel the ache in his arms from swinging back and forth for so long. 

Joonghyuk grabbed his hand to pull him away from the situation, and heard a pained hiss escaped Dokja’s mouth. Whatever it was, it could wait. He tugged on his arm full force and dashed towards the nearest opening. He dashed like his life depended on it, which in fact did. Without turning around and paying to Dokja, he continued to run until they had finally gotten somewhere safe.

Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he dashed through the crowd of multi-headed monsters, and slashed a path through the tunnels. It didn’t help that mid-way through the run Dokja had decided it was a great time to tire out to the point where he felt like he was dragging a giant weight behind him, so he quickly threw him onto his back. 

There was no way out, was there? He mentally scanned in his head where he remembered a secret safe room from his past runs was in the tunnel, and prayed to the constellations above that the wall he was going to head butt face first into was going to be the right spot.

Thankfully, instead of a bloody forehead and a bruised nose, they were able to dash through the wall as if it was a mere illusion. The familiar blue screen popped up, signifying they were in a safe zone. For now, that's all they needed. They could worry about how to get out later. 

He finally was able to glance back and Dokja’s figure after adrenaline finally left his veins. He hadn’t even noticed how he was breathing so hard that his shoulders rose up and down with every breath. Dokja was heavier than he remembered, most likely gaining more muscle since he first met him. 

The moment he placed him against the back wall to give them a break, his eyes widened in surprise. He hadn’t even noticed it, too busy with his main goal of getting the hell out of there, and the fact that a large cut went down Dokja’s thin frame went unnoticed by him. Blood was oozing out, staining his white coat a dark red. His head was wobbly, probably unconscious from the blood loss. 

He didn’t mean to, but he curses out loud.

“Dokja? Dokja?” Joonghyuk doesn’t want to shake the poor man, as it would definitely not help his condition in any way, but he needed to make sure he would stay awake.

“Joonghyuk-ah?” His voice rasped, body limp under his arms. His eyes squinted open, most likely from the light of the blue popup screen invading his vision. 

He grabs a healing potion, and throws the cap off somewhere into the distance. He places it near his mouth, and forces the man to swallow the glowing liquid. It would heal his injuries, but he wasn’t sure about the blood loss. He couldn’t die so easily right? There was no way Dokja was going to die again here? 

“You can’t leave me. Please, not again.” Joonghyuk muttered under his breath. He hadn’t even noticed the words escaping his mouth before Dokja confusingly answered.

“Again? W… What do you mean again?” Dokja responded, but it was slurred and messy. He could see the gears turning in his mind. The way he was piecing together the situation. The gash down his body, the dizziness from lack of blood. He knew the chances of his own survival, and they weren't looking good. 

Joonghyuk wasn’t the type to get emotional. Not even when was crowned as the number one, or the top in anything. Nothing compared to the heart stopping guilt that clawed away inside of him. He had felt this so many times. Through every recession, he would watch time and time again with his own two eyes of Dokja’s death. He thought, maybe over time he could let it go, let the world do what it was programmed to do, but every time his heart couldn’t take it.

He thought he had done something right this time too. He thought he was strong enough, but it must have been too early to decide on it. It was his fault that he couldn’t protect him. 

“Joonghyuk…” Dokja whispers, voice strained as he spoke. “I think… I think… I really like you. ” Dokja’s eyes close, leaving Joonghyuk behind with nothing but an empty heart.

There had to still be a chance? He’s still breathing… He’s still breathing. I have to get him somewhere better. Quick. 

Panic set in. He had regressed so many times, he couldn’t give up now. He was finally with him again, only to be painfully ripped away from his arms. He had plenty of coins to spare, enough for an entire lifetime, and so without a second to waste he spent it on stamina as strength, not that he needed anymore, but a way to get back to the group as soon as possible.

“Dokja-ssi and Joonghyuk-ssi are back!” A high pitched voice yelled into the room, most likely one of the children.

Before he knew it, Dokja’s entire party was suddenly crowded at the door, ushering the two to enter. He had run to their current campsite which was an old office building a few stories high. The moment their eyes fell onto Dokja’s figure on his back, they rushed into a panicked state.

“What happened?!” Yoo Sangah exclaimed, immediately rushing over to Joonghyuk to check up on Dokja. 

“Give him to me.” Lee Hyunsung said, trying to pry Dokja’s limp body off of his back so he could safely carry him to another spot. He wouldn’t let him though, and instead carried Dokja over to his room and onto his bed.

“What happened?” Lee Gilyoung asked, not helping to aid the panic in any way. Thankfully, Yoo Sangah decided she would take the children elsewhere and let everyone else do the work. She knew how much of a handle these children could be, and as much as she cared for them she wanted Dokja to get better at soon as possible.

“So, what happened?” Han Sooyoung tilted her head.

Joonghyuk sighed in annoyance, a way to say I’m not gonna explain.

Dokja was quickly placed into his bedroom, where he would be carefully watched to make sure his condition wouldn’t worsen. Normally, Joonghyuk would leave Dokja to his party. He would instead spend his time going out and furthering their exploration for new powerful items. 

This time though, he stayed. Everyone was caught by surprise when they realized he wouldn’t leave Dokja’s room, and instead silently sat on an old chair that was ready to break any second next to him, keeping watch. They had tried to make him leave the room multiple times, but with his stone cold exterior he wouldn’t budge. 

In his heart, he began to wonder if he should continue in this regresstion or not. Would Dokja survive? Would he still be there the next time, or would he have to go searching for him again? The thought’s wouldn’t leave him alone, keeping him awake all night.

Dokja woke up the next morning, thankfully alive. Joonghyuk was the first person he saw when he first opened his eyes. Normally, he would never be there, and after being caught by surprise, he couldn’t help but let a loud shriek escape his lips alarming the rest of his group. Everyone rushed into the room, afraid that Joonghyuk might be torturing the poor man, but the moment they walked in and saw him awake the tenseness in everyone's shoulders loosened, but it didn’t mean it was all gone.

“What were you thinking?!” Han Sooyoung scolded, jabbing a finger into his shoulder.

Dokja chuckles embarrassingly, not sure how to respond to everyone's worry. He wasn’t used to being the center of attention. Thankfully, thanks to the various healing potions he was doing completely fine. All the worries in Joonghyuk's mind about regressing to the next round would be thought about later, but it didn’t mean his mind was completely clear. Once everyone went in and out of the room to see how he was doing, he didn’t hesitate to drag the other man to the rooftop.

“Joonghyuk what are you-” Dokja tried to retaliate, but he wouldn’t let him. 

The two get to the top of the building, wind blowing past them. Dokja seemed mostly unguarded, probably tired after such a close call to death. Despite being dragged to the roof for no reason, he seemed quite laid back, his shoulders relaxed, a slight glint in his eyes that could only mean trouble. 

Even after being almost killed, Joonghyuk couldn’t help but admit that he looks nothing but beautiful standing here. Screw everyone else and his ‘Ugly King’ title, he was anything but such. 

“Sooooo, Mr. Protagonist…” Dokja stretched his vowels for dramatic effect. “Why’d you bring me here?”

He had debated on whether he should have taken him here or not. His options were to either forget that it ever happened, or confront him. Both options had their pros and cons. If he would forget about it completely, Dokja had the possibility to distance himself from him, further isolating their relationship. If that weren't the case, life would go back to normal between the two. He didn’t want either. 

If he were to confront him, it could go in many ways. First, Dokja wouldn’t remember, and instead just be confused at his companions' actions. Second, he would remember, but he would never say it and the conversation would go nowhere. Lastly, the most unlikely, Dokja would admit it. He would say the words again, and Joonghyuk would return them with just as much care. 

“What did you say when we were in the tunnel?” Joonghyuk loud voice echoed through the empty city. It took Dokja a few seconds to process the words, but once they did, the laidback man was long gone.

“W- What do you mean?” His eyebrows furrowed, a confused expression painting his face to cover up whatever other emotion he was feeling. 

He tended to do that a lot. Whenever he felt like he was being threatened, he would often hide his emotions to everyone around him, even the ones who deeply cared for him. He might not show it well, or at all in his case, but he was one of them too. 

“You know what I meant.” Joonghyuk gruff voice snapped back. His hands were balled into fist, his nails almost digging into his skin at how tight he was balling them. 

Dokja looks away, and instead glances down towards the empty streets below them. “Shouldn’t we head back soon? It's going to get dark and everyone is going to worry. Especially after you drag me out like-” He tries to change the topic, but it wouldn’t work on him. 

“Do you really mean it?” Joonghyuk cuts him off with a harsh glare. 

Dokja freezes.

Joonghyuk slowly grows more and more agitated at the lack of answer. “Do you mean it?” He fists grow tighter.

The sun sets right below the horizon, only leaving behind a few rays of light. 

Joonghyuk was always number one . He always strived to be on top, the best. Everything his parents ever wanted him to. When he didn’t, he still became number one in the world of online gaming. He thought that chasing this standard would finally bring his happiness. He would finally feel as though he had done something that he himself wanted to do. It would fill that empty hole in his heart that desperately needed to be filled. 

It never did.

But Dokja could fill it. With just a small amount of his attention, it almost felt like another droplet of water would slowly drip and fill the hole in his chest. He thought he was going crazy at first. Out of all things, out of all the things he had ever done in his life, why was it Dokja? He couldn’t explain it, other than it felt right. 

Before this, he was just an empty shell for the people around him to use, but even when he cut their strings, he was still just an empty puppet with no heart. Dokja, took the cold hand of his and decided to share his warmth, blessing him with a heart that was worthy of love. He had regressed over, and over, and over just to see him again, just to be able to be with him again. He was his favorite companion. 

Dokja whispers into the cold air. “Yes.”

It takes him a few seconds to process the words. 

He admitted he. He said it. He said it.

He didn’t know what he was expecting to be honest. In his mind, he always imagined how it would go. Despite his dangerous aura, he wished for it to be a peaceful moment, maybe somewhere where the trees were still growing, and there would be a small stone path on the ground. He wouldn’t confess with words, they never really worked for him, but instead with a soft kiss to his cheek. 

But he couldn’t move. He didn’t know if he could. Emotions overflowed his senses. This wasn’t like before though. This wasn’t the heart breaking emotion of death he was used to. It was more like his heart would beat two times faster, both anxiousness and excitement entering his bloodstream. 

He couldn’t tell what Dokja was feeling. Sure, he said it with his words, but his face was the same stone hard barrier that he had first met. Every emotion locked behind his emotionless face.

Dokja’s heart breaks at Joonghyuk’s reaction, or more of a lack thereof. Somewhere in his mind, he clicks together the pieces. “This has to be a joke… Doesn’t it…” Dokja's shoulders fell for just a second, before he took a step away from the man next him.

“Wait-“ Joonghyuk tried to speak, before being cut off by Dokja’s angered one.

“You knew. Didn’t you” his voice croaked. He hadn’t noticed it until now, too lost in his own head, but Dokjas eyes were watering, ready to overflow with tears any second now. “I know I’m not a beautiful woman like Lee Seolhwa… but I couldn’t help myself. and now… I’ve ruined it” His fists ball up in anger, but not towards Joonghyuk, but at himself. 

Dokja was normally not this emotional, as he was very good at keeping his feelings in check. But after a near death experience, as well as the fact that Joonghyuk was the one who confronted him first gave him hope.

He quickly turns around to dah away in embarrassment before Joonghyuk firm grip grabbed onto Dokja’s hand. The other man jumps in surprise, but he doesn’t pull away. Maybe, he was grasping onto the hope that lived inside of him. 

“Dokja I-“ Joonghyuk stops. He wanted to say it. He wanted to say that he wanted him by his side. His trusty companion. But the words wouldn’t leave his mouth no matter how hard he tried. It was like they were stuck in his throat, clogged up to never see the light of day. Dokja just stared in shock, and before he knew it the tears that he so desperately tried to keep in control began pouring out. 

Joonghyuk's heart shattered. He had done that. He has made Dokja feel in such a way that he never wanted him to ever experience. Without thinking, he pulled Dokja closer into his arms, and wrapped him into a warm embrace. The other man tenses under his hold, but he doesn’t try to break out of it. Carefully, Joonghyuk pushes away Dokja’s bangs with the palm of his hand, and kisses his forehead gently.

He wasn’t good with words, and so he would express it with his actions. 

Dokja melts into his embrace, tears continuing to flow down his face and get absorbed into his black coat. He didn’t care though, there were plenty of other black coats, and only one Dokja. 

Joonghyuk wasn’t too sure if his message got across at first, unsure at Dokja’s reaction as the tears wouldn’t stop, but the moment Dokja looked up at him, he knew he had done something right. This smile wasn’t like any other he’d ever seen. It was almost like looking straight at the sun, its blinding light illuminated his vision. 

“Dokja I-” Joonghyuk tried again, before Dokja’s finger quickly shushed him.

“I know…” he sniffles. “I know.” The two embrace for a few more minutes, before breaking apart from each other with beating chests.

“Does that mean were…” Dokja’s heart fluttered just at the implication. 

Dokja couldn’t believe it. His favorite character in his favorite web novel was here embracing him in his arms, the one he watched fail time and time again, only to succeed in the end, had feelings for him. 

“Yes.” Joonghyuk immediately replied. Just saying it made his heart flutter in excitement.

Before the two could even blink, a sudden loud boom echoed through the rooftop. 

“CONGRATULATIONS!” Han Sooyoung shouted at the top of her lungs. “You two are now officially a pair, or companion in Joonghyuk’s case.” Her eyes twinkled in excitement with a hint of mischievousness.

Both of their eyes widened in surprise as more and more of Dokja’s party began to trickle through the small door to the rooftop. 

“Was… Did everyone watch that?” Dokja muttered in disbelief. His cheeks were slightly pink in embarrassment. 

“Obviously!” She shouted, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Things were getting real tense between you two, and we all had a feeling something had happened during that trip, especially with how Joonghyuk wouldn’t leave you alone the entire time.” Sooyoung pointed an accusing finger.

Dokaj whipped his head around to Joonghyuk to confirm the information, but he just turned his head away to avoid eye contact. He was caught in the act, and yeah he was a little embarrassed about it, but it wasn’t really like he was trying to hide it in the first place. He would gladly admit to the world that the two of them were together. 

“Anyways! Let's head back in, shouldn't we? It's getting quite cold already and we have dinner prepared.” Yoo Sangah announced. The sun had mostly set, meaning in less than five minutes it would soon be pitch black. 

Everyone nodded their heads and began to head back down the staircase to where they could begin eating, not without congratulating Dokja. 

“Don’t take Dokja-ssi away from us!” Lee Gilyoung complained. Dokja just grinned, ushering the children to go down and get ready for dinner.

“I better not be hearing anything at night.” Han Sooyoung sneered. Dokja turned bright red at the comment, while Joonghyuk glared silently behind him. 

“I’m glad it turned out okay, but please do not worry about us like that again. We're all very glad you're safe though.” Yoo Sangah smiled. 

“So Joonghyuk did have some game…” Somebody said in the crowd, but nobody could figure out who.

After everyone had ushered in, only the two of them were left on the rooftop. Confidently, Joonghyuk grabbed onto his hand and began to pull him towards the door. Dokja grinned, and began to walk. Maybe they could pretend as if the world wasn’t ending, and it was just the two of them, and their full hearts.

At that moment, it clicked. The emptiness he once always felt, had disappeared. He had been number one all his life, and maybe it was his time to step down from his rightful throne. Sure, maybe he would miss it, but nothing could replace what truly made him feel alive.

Maybe, one didn’t have to be so lonely anymore. Maybe, it was now because he was two.