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Amy had always felt out of place.
Wherever her family went, she was an outcast. And she didn’t care, she’s never cared. That’s what she tells herself. She doesn’t need anyone! She’s a supervillain, one of the best. Hell, she killed the leader of all villains. She’s amazing.
So why do people not want to be around her?
Her family loves her, but they don’t count. Her mom and dad are great they let her be herself, her brother Jake is annoying as fuck but he’s always protected her and vise versa, and Colby’s Colby, he’s awesome and a fun person to be around. She loves her family. But she always felt like she was missing something. Like a piece of her was gone. She didn’t know where it went, but she knew she didn’t have it. Something that told her she belonged, that she wasn’t the problem. That she could be loved by others. Not just the people she lived with.
Then they moved to Texas. Valley View to be exact. And she met her. Hartley. Amy didn’t understand how someone so pure could live in this shitty world. And why they'd want to be around her. Hartley was the kindest, sweetest, person Amy had ever met. She loved it. She was disgusted by it at first, then she talked to her. And they were best friends in seconds. Inseparable. Wherever Hartley went, Amy followed. Making sure no one hurts her sunshine.
Amy and Jake were sitting at the kitchen table while Amy was talking about Hartley.
“Amy, you realize you’re in love with her, right?” Jake said, interrupting her rant. What the fuck? Why would he say that? In love? Sure she loves Hartley, but in love? Hell no.
“Ha! Funny joke Jake.” She said in a monotone voice. How could the technical leader of all villains be in love with the smart, sweet, funny, gorgeous, amazing person, that is Hartley. She isn’t.
“You totally are! You just went on a rant about how she wore her hair today.”
“That’s because her pigtails are adorable!” She argued.
“You just called something adorable. You’ve never said that word in your life!” He yelled. Amy paused. Had she really gone soft? For Hartley?
No. There’s no way. She shook her head. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I like every cute girl I see.”
“You just called her cute!” He pointed a finger at her.
“Because she is! That doesn’t mean I like her!” Amy was starting to get annoyed. She didn’t like Hartley like that. Even if she did, which she doesn’t, she wouldn’t tell Jake of all people.
“Ok. If that’s what helps you sleep at night.” He turned and walked away. Who is he to tell Amy who she likes? She doesn’t like Hartley, she admires her if anything. Amy just thinks that Hartley is a pure soul, and if anyone were to harm her in any way, she’d kill them. Because Hartley doesn’t deserve that. She deserves the world, and Amy would give it to her if she could.
Amy Madden isn’t in love with Hartley. She’s just protective. Yeah, that’s all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They’re sitting on Hartley’s bed, or really the pile of clothes on top of it, when she realizes it. Hartley’s snuggled under her arm, with her head on Amy’s chest. They were supposed to be watching a movie but Hartley fell asleep 10 minutes in.
As Amy looked down at the sleeping girl she felt something indescribable. It started with a thought coming from the romance movie Hartley insisted they watched. Amy looked at the tv screen as the characters' lives flashed by. They kissed in the rain, played uno by the fireplace, danced with fireflies, and watched movies. In the same position Amy and Hartley were in now.
Amy looked down at her best friend and thought for a moment. She figured out that she wanted to do all of those things. She wanted to do those things with Hartley. Not only that, she wanted Hartley to feel the same. She wanted her to love her because she…
She-
She loved Hartley.
Amy had to restrain the gasp she almost let out. She loved Hartley. Scratch that. She was in love with Hartley. She looked down at the sleeping girl. And the first word she thought of was beautiful. God, she felt so uncomfortable.
Amy was suddenly hyper-aware of every place Hartley was touching her. Her arms wrapping around Amy’s waist were suddenly a little too low for Amy’s liking. She checked her phone to see if it was too late to bolt out and make up some random excuse because right now, Hartley was too much for her. She slowly shifted from under the girls surprisingly strong grasp. She headed for the door as quickly as she could. With a hand on the doorknob she looked back at Hartley, she had stirred a little and was now on her back. Amy left before anymore insane thoughts could flow into her brain making her face redder than it already was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amy had managed to avoid Hartley for a ‘shocking’ total of 20 hours! Her prize? Absolute torture.
She’d tried to somewhat distance herself but Hartley wouldn’t stop asking her why she was acting like she was. And what was she supposed to tell her? “I found out I’m in love with you and now I’m trying to figure out my feelings and not break down.” Hell no. But eventually she snapped, which is the exact opposite of what she wanted. But recently she’s found herself doing things that only wreck her more in the end.
After a while of them going back and forth on the walk back home. Which Amy swears got longer that day. Amy finally stopped walking making Hartley stop too. “Listen Hartley. I really don’t want to talk about it, so just… Please leave it alone.”
Hartley looked at Amy worriedly, which was not her intent. “Ok. But are you ok?” And then she gave Amy that look. The one where she showed her beautiful chestnut eyes that Amy could get lost in for hours. There were gold specs she could see from the sun shining down on her like the angel-
Stop!
Stop it!
Now is not the time nor the place for simping Amy! Amy took a deep breath and recentered herself. “Yes, I’m fine, I just need some time for myself to… think.” That sounded convincing. Right?
“Ok, if you say so.” Yes! Amy has landed it out of the ballpark people. “Just call me if you need anything, ok? You’re my best friend, I love you.” Before Amy could respond she felt her heart break as Hartley said it. Because she didn’t love her in the way Amy did. Because no one could love her in the way she did. It wasn’t something anyone was capable of.
Amy simply nodded and walked away, not letting the tears in her eyes roll down her cheeks until she was in the comfort of her room. She closed the door and sank down in front of it. Bringing her knees to her chest she started crying and shaking. The only person that could hear her sobs was herself.
Why did she have to ruin the one good thing in her life? What’s wrong with her? She knows that no one, especially someone like Hartley, would ever love her like that. So why did she feel lightning whenever Hartley touched her? Why did she get excited when Hartley texted her “good morning” everyday? Why did she have to love her best friend?
Because she was destined to be alone. Because she deserved to be alone. She drives people away from her. This was proof of that. She screwed up the one good thing in her life because that’s what she does. Amy lifted her head up from her knees and banged her head on the door a few times.
No.
No, those were the old Amy’s thoughts. She isn’t like that anymore. Not since she met Hartley. Hartley brought the light that Amy had given up on years ago. So Amy wasn’t about to lose her that easily. Even if it meant waiting for these stupid feelings to leave.
Amy sat on the floor crying until she fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the next day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amy woke up in the late afternoon. Her body was aching after laying on the floor all night, her eyes were puffy and they hurt from crying. She begrudgingly got up to check the time. She’d slept through the entire school day. That would worry Hartley for sure.
Amy tensed at that thought, remembering the reason she was crying. She sat on her bed and tried to collect her thoughts, she looked over at her guitar on its stand and grabbed it. She started strumming sporadically, she just needed a release. Music did that for her.
Eventually she stopped and took a shower seeing as she was still in her clothes from yesterday. She changed into some sweats and went downstairs. Not wanting any human interaction with anyone she snuck into the kitchen and grabbed some ice cream to drown out her sorrows. She ate half the pint and sighed.
She needed to go see Hartley tomorrow. So she’d know that she was ok. Well physically, mentally… not so much. She’d survive. Probably.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amy got to school the next day and saw Hartley at her locker. She put on the best poker face she had and snuck up to her. With her face hiding behind the door of her locker she got ready. Hartley closed her locker and turned her head to see Amy leaning against the locker next to hers. She jumped and Amy laughed.
“Oh my gosh! Amy don’t scare me like that!” Hartley said startled.
“Hey Hart.” She said as her laughter started to calm down.
“Hi.” She rolled her eyes making Amy smile. Then she looked at her with worry and confusion. “Can I ask you a question?”
Amy nodded. “Well you just did, but go ahead.” She kept a straight face, trying to sell this nonchalant attitude.
“Ha ha, very funny. Seriously though, why didn’t you go to school yesterday?”
“I wasn’t feeling good.” Amy responded with a shrug.
Hartley nodded slowly, eyeing Amy. “Are you sure you’re ok now?”
“Yeah. I’m fine I was just sick is all. But I’m all good now.” Amy was trying so hard to seem like her normal self. Like she wasn’t falling apart, but damn was it hard. Under Hartley’s gaze she could feel every ounce of worry and it only made her feel more guilty. But she had to lie. If she didn’t Hartley would leave and she couldn’t lose Hartley. She’d go back to what she was. That lonely girl that stared back at her in the mirror. She couldn’t go back. She just started moving forward again. She wouldn’t go back.
Hartley looked like she wanted to keep talking but then the bell rang so Amy took the chance to get out of the conversation. “I’m ok, I swear. I gotta go to class. I’ll see you later.” And she walked off without another word.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It went on like that for a few weeks. Amy barely talked to Hartley, and when she did she’d find an excuse to leave. She knew that Hartley was upset by it, but she couldn’t be around Hartley for more than a minute without freaking out. She had to leave before something slips out of her mouth unintentionally. It kept happening until Hartley started getting annoyed with her and they grew distant and Amy was ok with it.
For about a day.
Her thoughts started getting worse and the first to notice was Jake. He gave her a lengthy speech about how she’s only ruining what she has, and that she’s doing the opposite of what she needs, and blah blah blah. She already knew that. But how was she supposed to fix it?
An idea formed in her head and she sprinted away from whatever Jake was saying. He yelled to her but all she could think about was Hartley and fixing what she’d ruined.
She put on her boots and ran out the door. It was raining and she felt it on her skin but she didn’t care. She stopped at Hartley’s house and climbed onto the porch roof. She knocked on her window, after a few seconds it opened. She rushed through it and almost landed on her face but Hartley steadied her. She looked into her eyes and her breath caught in her throat. She took a step back letting go of Hartley to put some space between them.
“What’s up, Amy?” She asked and something told Amy she didn’t want to talk to her. She felt like shit, she didn’t mean to hurt her.
“I’m sorry.” Hartley looked at her a bit surprised. She stayed silent so Amy took this as a sign to continue. “I didn’t mean to push you away like I did, I just…” She paused thinking on how to word the next part. “I was just going through something. But I’m over it now, I’m so sorry.” Amy finished talking looking at Hartley trying to read her expressions.
“I forgive you.” Amy smiled genuinely for the first time in weeks. She wrapped her arms around Hartley and the girl did the same. Amy was so happy that they were ok, she could live like this for however long she needed to.
“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Amy tensed. Feeling it, Hartley stepped back from the hug. “It really scared me Ames, you seemed so miserable. And it seemed like it was my fault. If it was something I did, please tell me. I’ll stop, I promise.” Amy shook her head desperately trying to show Hartley did nothing wrong.
“No! No, you didn’t do anything wrong, it was all me. I messed up, not you.” She reassured her.
“What do you mean you messed up?” Shit.
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter now.” She tried to get off this topic but Hartley persisted.
“Yes it does! Please tell me what’s going on. Amy, I love you-”
“That’s the problem!” Amy blurted out. That’s it, she was going to jump out the fucking window.
“What?” Hartley’s voice was so soft and it hurt like salt in a wound.
Amy paused and looked down. She thought about lying but there was no point, Hartley would know. She felt her eyes burning. She took a deep breath and looked up, but still avoided Hartley’s gaze.
“The problem is…” She was going to admit it. She was going to drive Hartley away. Her palms were sweaty and she felt a lump in her throat. She swallowed hard and felt acid going down her throat. She continued trying to keep her voice steady.
“It’s that you don’t love me like I want you to. I love you like they do in those romance movies. It’s the kissing in the rain kind of love you, the card games by the fireplace kind of love you. God! Hartley, I want to dance through an army of fireflies with you! I’m in love with you. And I’m sorry. I was so scared of losing you that I pushed you away, and I’m sorry for that. I just couldn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t feel the same. And then you’d leave me because of it and I could-n’t handle that. I-I can’t han-dle it.” She started stuttering as she sobbed. Amy’s knees started buckling under her and Hartley was right there to catch her as she fell. Hartley hugged her and Amy put her face in her neck as sobs wracked through her body. When her breath stuttered Hartley ran her hand up her back and shushed her, telling her it was ok.
But it wasn’t. Amy had ruined everything, she had confessed. She hated herself for it. For wrecking something so good. She was a supervillain but this. This was the worst thing she’d ever done. She felt so scared, like she was falling off a cliff and the ground was only a few feet away.
She tried focusing on what was happening. What she was physically feeling. The ground under her, the wall behind her, and Hartley everywhere else. They sat on the floor hugging each other for what felt like hours. Part of Amy wanted to stay like they were. Amy’s breathing eventually returned to normal and she stopped shaking. Hartley moved back, not far, just enough to look at Amy. Amy kept her head down not wanting to see Hartley’s face and the rejection on it.
“Amy, look at me.” Amy kept her head down so Hartley tilted her chin up and cupped her cheek. Before Amy could process anything she felt soft lips on hers. Amy’s brain stuttered for a second before kissing her back.
She was kissing Hartley. She must’ve actually jumped out the window because she was sure this was heaven. She closed her eyes, and her nose was filled with Hartley’s sweet scent. She felt a warm sensation everywhere, lightning didn’t even begin to describe it.
Hartley backed away and Amy immediately missed the warm feeling. “I love you. I’ve loved you since your family moved here. I want to do all of those things with you.”
“And more?” Amy asked.
Hartley laughed softly “and more.”
Amy smiled and started to laugh because, wow. She’d never been so happy.
“Just to be clear, we're girlfriends now. Right?” Hartley asked, suddenly shy.
Amy nodded enthusiastically. “Yes!” She squeaked, Amy cleared her throat and tried to act nonchalant. “I mean, yeah. If you’re ok with it.”
“Definitely.” Hartley smiled and kissed her again. Amy would never get tired of the cozy feeling kissing Hartley brought.
It was amazing. She felt amazing. Hartley was amazing. Amy was happy, for once she felt really inexplicably happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Three weeks later-
Amy was sitting at home thinking about how much effort she should put into her history assignment when Hartley texted her.
Sunshine: hiii
Sunshine: Come outside ;)
My Love <3: what r u planning???
Sunshine: it’s a surpriseee
Sunshine: hurry up this is time sensitive!!!
Amy rolled her eyes at Hartley’s secrecy but put her shoes on and went outside. Hartley was standing smiling with a basket in her hands. Just as Amy was going to ask why, Hartley grabbed her hand and started walking. Every time Amy asked where they were going Hartley replied with “you’ll see.”
Just as Amy was about to ask again, Hartley said “we’re here!” And spread her arms out in a ‘ta-da!’ manner. Amy looked around. They were in a large grassy field with trees surrounding it. There was a small hill with a red and black blanket on top of it.
She looked over at Hartley and smirked while asking “is this a date?”
“Yep, come on we gotta get to the hill.” Hartley grabbed her hand again and led her up the hill. Amy couldn’t stop smiling at all of this. Hartley did this for her. She felt like she could float off into the clouds, the only thing grounding her was Hartley’s hand in her own.
Hartley set the basket down and sat next to it. She patted the blanket ushering Amy to sit. As she did she looked up and she could see the horizon just above the trees. The sun was setting in between them painting the sky in shades of orange and purple, it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen.
She looked over at Hartley with the widest smile. Hartley looked back and matched her face, “do you like it?” She asked. Amy nodded and leaned in to kiss her.
“Its perfect.” Hartley beamed.
She grabbed the basket and started pulling out some of her and Amy’s favorite snacks. Amy’s eyes widened as she grabbed a bag of sour patch kids and ripped it open. “I don’t think I could love you more than I do right now.” She said with her mouth full of the candy. Hartley laughed and stole a few for herself. Amy looked at her and gasped. “You thief!”
“I’m the one who bought them,” she argued.
Amy narrowed her eyes and Hartley shot a stare right back. Amy lost their staring contest and rolled her eyes as Hartley stole more. Amy mumbled under her breath “still could’ve asked.”
“What was that?” Hartley asked, smug.
“Nothing, nothing.” Amy put her hands up surrendering. Hartley nodded and hummed. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.
They continued to talk about everything and nothing until the sun was gone. Hartley got up and held her hand out for Amy to grab. She pulled Amy up and brought her to the bottom of the hill.
Amy looked at her suspiciously and Hartley smiled. “Just wait. Close your eyes.” Amy did as told. Hartley brought her a little deeper into the field. “Open.”
Amy opened her eyes and saw they were swarmed with fireflies. With her jaw agape, she watched Hartley get her phone and played music to slow dance to. Hartley put her arms around Amy’s neck and Amy grabbed her waist instinctively. They slowly swayed back and forth to the beat of the music.
Amy was on the brink of tears. This was what she wanted, everything she wanted. “What’s wrong?” Hartley asked, tilting her head.
“Nothing, this is everything. You’re everything to me. Thank you so much.” She smiled a tear rolling down her cheek. Hartley wiped it away and smiled.
“You don’t have to thank me. You deserve this. To feel loved. This is the least I could do, love.” Amy leaned in and kissed Hartley. Trying to pour all the emotions she couldn’t express in one passionate kiss.
For once, Amy felt like she wasn’t alone. Like she mattered to someone. Like she was loved. At that moment she knew her place was in Hartley’s arms. She felt that missing piece click into place. Hartley was everything Amy has ever wanted and needed. And she has her now.
There they stood in the meadow, dancing through an army of fireflies.