Chapter Text
“There are certain things you just have to do, otherwise you’re not a human being, just a piece of dirt.”
The brothers Lionheart - Astrid Lindgren
Sunrise
Padded feet galloped along the path, up the hill. Every soundless collision with the ground spurred him onwards, he was racing, chasing, his ears flat, tail raised high. At the top, he gracefully jumped the stone bench before coming to a halt, forefoot raised in the air.
There she was, a tall slender figure gazing over the railing of the gazebo. Brown hair, adorned with sweet-smelling flowers, fell in waves over rigid-set shoulders. His eyes squinted, taking in the morning sun reflecting off of her white dress.
He walked over and rose to rest his front paws on the railing.
Below them, he could make out dark shapes who waved their arms about and white chairs floating up in the air. They landed on the grass, one by one, in neat rows, centred around the old Oak tree.
Now he was close enough to lick her face. Instead, he wagged his tail, slowly.
His nostrils picked out the fragrances of poppies and daisies and untangled them effortlessly from the other scents. The ones that made her her, an earthy aroma of thyme, a meadow after rain, and lavender. Ironically, always lavender.
And there it was, that other smell. The reason he’d raced from the Manor all the way up here. A heavy odour of doubt, despair, that had made him anxious. At the first whiffs he’d caught, he’d paced and panted, whining until he nearly burst with restless energy.
Once outside, he’d chased the smells, hunted for the scents that caused his unease. He wanted to catch them before they could become anything more than doubts. Before she would do something stupid, like run away. But why would she run away?
If only he knew; in his current state, he didn’t even know what was wrong, just that it was.
This close the smells were so strong they made him tuck his tail between his legs and flatten his ears against his neck.
“Padfoot, why are you following me?” Lily turned to face him, her light-brown eyes shimmered in the sunlight.
In one fluent motion, he changed back to his human shape, like a wave rolling towards the beach. Her eyes followed him upwards and he looked down into her pale face. White flowers were braided into her vibrant auburn locks, once more in sharp contrast to the deep forest greens of her eyes. They were opened wide, her gaze flitted from him to where he’d come from as if she feared someone else would be there.
“What’s wrong, Evans?” he asked and wrapped her in a hug. “Don’t tell me you have cold feet now.” She fell into his embrace, gripping him tight. His lips brushed against her hair. “You’ll break his heart.”
Her head shook against his chest. What had happened to cause her this much distress?
“Sirius, what are we doing? What am I doing?” she asked in a shrill voice. Her body clung to him in a way that threw him off balance. She seemed terrified, yet there was no danger. The war for once, was far away.
“What do you mean?” he asked, his mind going over all the times he’d seen her upset. He couldn’t recall her ever being this fragile, sure he had seen her sad, scared, angry, over the years, but she always kept it together, she was always composed.
“Me marrying him. Isn’t it pouring oil on a fire? How can I be so selfish? So thoughtless. What if we lose the war? What if things don’t get better but worse? He—He could walk away at any moment, like your parents, like you. This, this what we’re—what I’m doing will change that. Forever.”
Sirius’s muscles tightened. He shook his head vigorously. A bitter taste in his mouth. There was no way he was going to let her do this. Let her say this and believe there was any truth to it. No, this bullshit had to stop right now. This was exactly something Bella would say. It played right into the hands of the very people that were worth less than mud under Lily’s feet. How could she even think it?
“We don’t have to get married, not in front of all those people. There doesn’t have to be an article in the Prophet. I love him, Sirius. I can’t lose him; without marrying me, he… he could still walk away. Even if I don’t… he could still live a full life.”
“Nah, he couldn’t,” Sirius said, clenching his jaws to keep his voice from breaking.
Her hands pushed against his chest, she fought his hold on her. He only hugged her harder, pressing her head closer to his chest.
“I’m dragging him down, Sirius! Isn’t it the stupidest thing in the world for me to…”
Sirius cut her off with another shake of his head. “Look at me,” he demanded. “He won’t ever walk away from you, Evans.” Green emeralds flashed at him and he fixed his gaze on her. “Lily, he loves you, and you love him.”
“I do,” she said, exhaling shakily. “I do love him.” They stood so close that her breaths warmed his skin. Breaths that came too rapidly, that were too shallow. She was crumbling right in front of him.
He fought the cold fury rising in his chest, he needed to keep his voice under control, but inwardly he was seething. He wanted to tear something apart, turn back into Padfoot and shake something until it wouldn’t move anymore.
“You love him, Lily, so don’t do this. You belong together. Don’t give that scum what they want. Don’t make him live a worthless half-life without you.” Sirius took her hands, still pressed against his chest, in his. He wanted to squeeze sense into her. He had to make her see the flaws in her logic. Walking away wasn’t some noble act, it wouldn’t change anything, except hurt her and his brother.
“Breathe, Lily, breathe,” he ordered. She shuddered but exhaled slowly through pursed lips. “Whether you take his name, wear his ring, or not, he’ll still fight in this war; that won’t change. You’re not the reason he’s fighting. Without you, he will still go out there to fight, perhaps even die, because he believes it’s the right thing to do.”
“What could ever be worth dying for?” she asked in a shaky voice, a deep furrow in her brow.
Sirius regarded her for a moment, decided to be honest, he wasn’t James, after all. “I don’t think anything is. But I do believe some things are worth living for. You, for instance. You are worth living for, so don’t take that away from him.”
Lily’s lips pressed together in a thin line. “I am?”
He nodded. Sirius’s hands covered hers completely now. “As if you don’t feel the same about him.”
Even in his human shape, Sirius could sense her despair dissipating. His muscles relaxed.
She took a few deep breaths. She didn’t look about to fall apart in his arms anymore. He squeezed her hands.
“I do,” she whispered as if that surprised her.
Then her eyes began to sparkle with life as they always did whenever she thought of a certain someone.
“When did you get to be so wise?” she asked, tilting her head while she gazed up at him.
He sighed as if exasperated. “I’ve always been this wise, Evans. No, the bigger question is, when did you get to be so pretty?”
Her smile grew, a blush coloured her cheeks. “Somewhere between sunrise and an hour ago.”
He laughed as she put her hand over his arm. He took that as his cue to walk her back to the house.
“Are you sure you should be wearing this dress, though? I mean, Prongs will try to get it off you, faster than you can say I do.”
“Sirius!” Her blush spread along her chest up to her ears.
“Just think, there won’t be any pictures in the Prophet, at least.”
“Well, good thing it’s your job to make sure he holds it together and in his pants until we’re actually married, then.”
He glanced at her, assessing her mood. She looked to be back to the collected, sassy witch that was about to make his brother the happiest man alive. “I’ve had some recent practice, I think I’ll manage that.”
Her head came to rest against his shoulder. “Thank you.”