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knives and spoons
He learned to play the spoons when he was attending the Academy, from a street musician who made him swear he'd never pass on those secrets to his professors. Being able to do tricks with them that even his folk music tutor couldn't mimic was rather a coup, so he was never even tempted.
Obviously, he prefers his lute - she's magnificent, and holds her tuning better than she reasonably should, thank you elven craftsmanship - but there's certainly something to be said for an instrument that works in all weathers, never requires tuning, and can be fashioned out of the implements one uses to eat one's stew.
Even so, he doesn't play for a while after Oxenfurt; he starts again largely because he (correctly) guesses it will drive Geralt round the bend, and considering Geralt has neither fallen in love with him nor fucked him stupid, well, it's more than deserved, okay?
It's also fun, and he'd forgotten how much. Children in particular tend to be delighted, and it's handy for defusing situations in which youngsters (or sometimes oldsters) are scared of Geralt.
(Geralt doesn't admit that he appreciates it, of course, but seeing him more relaxed around humans, less likely to assume they will hate and fear him, is payment enough. Well. All right, so Jaskier wouldn't complain if Geralt would actually say thank you now and then, but it's easier not to expect it.)
Years later, he plays the spoons around Yennefer for reasons too similar for him to be comfortable with. She's usurped his place at Geralt's side (and in Geralt's bed), she has Geralt in ways Jaskier's always wanted and never gotten, and worst of all, she refuses to even pretend she finds Jaskier attractive! On the whole, she fully deserves to have him irritate the shit out of her.
However much she sneers, though, she can't hide that a rolling beat under a catchy tune is something she enjoys. Jaskier is a master bard, a veteran of many a hostile tavern, and not easily fooled when it comes to reading an audience. He spots the subtle shuffle of her knees under her layers of skirt and petticoat as her feet move with the beat, and she smiles when she forgets to roll her eyes. She's by no means entirely immune to his charms.
... not that he wants to charm her, she's like a beautiful, deadly snake; while Geralt is also beautiful and deadly, Jaskier's still not at all sure Yen likes him enough for it to save him from squishy insect-dom if he tried his luck.
Admittedly, he's not immune either. Sometimes (when he's very, very sure she's asleep, many miles away, or both), he can't help it; he lets his mind wander, and thinks about her eyes and her mouth, about what it would be like to run his fingers through her hair. (What would it be like to make her smile?) Not because he wants to do anything of the sort, but she's gorgeous. It would be weird if he didn't, now and then, fantasise about her, albeit very carefully.
It's not as if he'll ever have the chance- or ever want the chance, obviously. She's just beautiful, and all right, maybe the fact she's incredibly dangerous doesn't dissuade him so much as make her more attractive, but firstly, that's not his fault; he imprinted on Geralt at the tender ago of eighteen, and people who could destroy him as easily as look at him turn him on, all right? It's not personal, it's nothing to do with Yennefer. (Probably.) And secondly just shut up, okay. Yennefer likes his music and he can tell and that's what's actually important here.
So he plays his spoons to annoy his witcher, entertain his witch, and hide his aching heart. It's not enough, it never is, it never will be, but it's enough for him to pretend it's fine, and really, he's a bard; isn't that the important thing?
~ fin ~