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It has been a really long week. The type of week that usually leads to one of them breaking down crying in the bathroom of a random police station. And the type of week who usually end up in a dinner's at Rossi's. Sometimes Jack, Henry and Will were there, sometimes not. Tonight they were just the team. Will had to stay home with Henry and Jack for a "sleepover boys night".
They had all gathered at Rossi's mansion at 6pm and started to eat at 8. It was now 10 and they were still at the dinner table drinking wine.
In the background, some Italian singer named Bocelli was singing and Rossi claimed it was one of the best singers in history.
JJ and Emily were laughing and calling him old.
"Well, no one is laughing at JJ being a country girl ? Why make fun of me ?" Rossi was trying not to laugh and acting pissed, but it was easy to see through his act.
"I'm not a country girl !" JJ protested before everyone laughed, knowing it was a lie.
"I heard you screaming Carrie Underwood in a car. It was scary. I was afraid that I had cheated on you... And we never even dated." Derek chimed in before getting pushed by a falsely angry JJ.
"Hotch listen to serial killer music and I am the one you are scared of ?"
"Oh come on now ! We already had that conversation, just because it was Manson's hallucination doesn't make the White Album a serial killer music !" Hotch was now groaning. "And a lot of you have questionable music taste."
Everyone tried to defend their favorite singer.
Most of the nights they spent together were like this. They avoid talking about cases preferring the bittering and making fun of each other. This made them feel comfortable, as if they were a classic group of friends getting dinner together. It was a slow moment to forget about what they had seen all week. They learned to know each other like this, learned that Rossi didn't like silence and always had some type of music when he was alone. That Hotch let Jake draw on his face most of the time. They learned that Emily has a lot of figurines in her apartment. JJ and Will are big fans of medical shows and their favorite is Grey's Anatomy and JJ is team Addison. That Derek is a very good cook and that he sometimes buys a lot more than he actually needs and gives the rest to a group home near his apartment. Garcia gives most of what she knits to the grandma that lives down the road for her grandchildren. And Reid is a big fan of young adult reading because of one time when JJ and Garcia mentioned Twilight.
At some point, they end the bickering about music taste by saying that Morgan has the worst of all of them, leaving a grumpy Morgan.
"Remember when we watched Charlie Chaplin in the breakroom ?" JJ smiled.
"Oh yeah ! We should do that again !" Emily went on.
"You watched Chaplin ? Gideon's idea, I suppose." Rossi smiled. "I wasn't here then."
"Me neither... When was this ?"
Everyone turned to the voice. It was Spencer.
"Spence ? Of course you were there. What do you mean ?" JJ frowned.
"Well, I would remember, I have an eidetic memory."
Hotch walked up to Spencer, who was now frowning.
"Reid ? You feeling OK ?"
"What ? Guys, it's not a fun joke !"
Spencer was starting to get annoyed. This joke wasn't funny in itself, but it was even harder to get it with a team of profilers.
"Reid... You don't remember ?" Emily was looking worried.
"Stop this !" Spencer got up. "It's hard for me to get sarcasm, you know it. Don't make a joke like that !"
Hotch put his hand on Reid's back, a worried look on his face.
"Spencer, May 8th 2007. What can you tell me about ?"
"We had a case in Kansas where Steven Foster abducted homeless people. Why ? Stop the joke."
JJ was looking more worried.
"Spencer, we aren't playing any jokes, I swear."
"We got back to Quantico the next day and... And..."
Spencer's memory went blank after that.
"I can't forget things !"
Hotch leads Spencer to the couch while the rest of the team follow. It's when he sat down that Spencer remembered. He could remember withdrawal of a lot on the plane, and he could remember going to the bathroom as soon as he arrived at the office to get his dose of Dilaudid. Without thinking about it his hand started to scratch his elbow.
"Reid, love."
Despite not being a profiler, Garcia was the first one to start to understand. She slowly took Reid's hand into hers, bringing him back.
"Opioids work by stemming the flow of pain signals within the central nervous system and by blunting one’s emotional reaction to pain. Opioid medications like Dilaudid can cause certain cognitive impairments, including memory loss or difficulties. These effects can vary fro-"
Spencer was starting to ramble in panic. His team knew that he had an addiction problem but they didn't really know when it had stopped, he was pretty good at hiding it.
"Spencer breath. It's OK."
"I forgot..."
JJ sat in front of him.
"Spence... It's OK."
"No ! No it's not OK ! I don't forget things ! I never do ! Why is it blank ? Why can't I remember ?"
Spencer got up and started to pace in the room, his hand starting to pick at some scars.
Derek was the first one to react and took Spencer's arm. He started to slowly get him to sit on the ground. Derek then started to tell him everything about the movie. Everything he could remember from that night, slowly soothing Spencer and taking him out of his panic attack.
Once Spencer was calm, he looked up to see his team watching him, worried.
"I'm... I'm OK."
"Spencer, when did... We thought you were clean at that time." Emily was trying to ask what everyone wanted to know.
"I got sober in July, after Gideon left. But at that time I... I wasn't using on cases... Or at least I tried..."
Rossi was just learning about all of that.
"You didn't help the kid ? Aaron ?"
Hotch avoids Rossi's glare.
"We couldn't. That would have had all of us fired."
Rossi sighed.
"You're better now ?"
"I've been sober for a year and nine months. I relapsed in April 2009 after a case but got clean in July."
Derek frowned.
"April 2009 ? Was it the case with the unsub in the hotel... Adam ?"
Spencer nodded.
"Amanda. Not Adam. The unsub had DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, so Adam was just a part of the person. Amanda killed the victim, not Adam. Just like..."
Hotch got it.
"Just like Tobias Hankel. Tobias Hankel didn't want to kill the victim, Rafael and his father were the ones who did that."
Spencer nodded.
"Now I'm better."
Slowly, the team changed the subject and Spencer felt better. Forgetting things wasn't that bad. It was just strange and unknown to him. Now that he was sober, he could start to remember moments like those forever. As everyone started leaving, Rossi took him apart from the others.
"Bambino. I'm sorry they couldn't help you when you were struggling. I believe that Jason didn't either. Just... Just know that you don't have to suffer alone. With me in the team, Erin would never fire anyone for helping you with these kinds of issues."
Spencer smiled at Rossi.
"I'm better now. Totally better. But I'll keep that in mind."