Work Text:
A continuation of When It All Makes Sense - Twitter
" Why would you assume that I lie?"
Chan had always been a simple man. The simplest of them all, really. Perhaps, it was true: he grew up with abundance. He grew up never having to second-guess if he was enough.
He was never bullied.
Indeed, he was not the best or "the it" boy. Still, nobody really put him down. He was inherently loved by his parents and family. They were always excited about everything that he aimed for in life.
Until he was twenty-seven. At the time, he had been engaged to a woman. Chan had long known he was bisexual, but something about her, Sieun, made his whole existence. Until Sieun was tragically killed on her way to the wedding venue.
Since that very moment, Chan never dared to love anyone again. "What's the point?" He always thought to himself.
For the first time ever, Chan felt the cruelty of life. He still believed so, even when he encountered Lino at the "creativity and life sciences" conference from his office. He recalled seeing Lino as a bright star. That man really didn't care for anyone's opinion. He was intensely intelligent, and nobody could even debate all the spoken words from his mouth.
"I think, by the end of the day, the world has always been divided by classes, as much as we don't like it."
"I understand your point. But creativity in life sciences is tied to privilege, or the society one lives in."
Chan remembered rushing to approach the man and said, "I really like how you think. That was utterly moving."
Even when the man was so nonchalant about it, Chan didn't bother. He was really mesmerized by the brain before him.
Not until a few months later, when Chan encountered a dancing video of Lino on the cat-eyed's social media. Chan was gob-smacked. Lino was divine when he danced. There was something inherently moving about the way he orchestrated his body or face.
"You know what, I love the way you dance. It was like the world froze, just to that moment."
Chan remembered texting Lino right away. The response came a little later than he expected, "Thanks... I guess?"
He only remembered a little of what happened after. He recalled meeting Lino after work over dinner in the following three days. And boy, how it became a regular thing between them: nights after work.
Chan remembered how Lino's face would occasionally light up whenever a cause he cared about appeared: society, poverty, gay rights, business... and definitely: dancing.
Chan remembered how smitten he turned into, by how perfect Lino was. Even when the man himself always said in between their time, "I think I am just a freak who will die alone." He always laughed after saying that. Yet, many parts within Chan knew that Lino didn't exactly joke around about that. Boy, how Chan had slowly craved to tell him how wrong he was…. That Chan would always hold him close and dear, for as long as the other let him to. If he would want to, which sometimes could be doubtful considering how guarded Lino was.
Chan didn't track precisely when he had fallen head-over-heels for Lino. He couldn't even tell the reason. He remembered spending one night to himself, thinking. Sieun was water with her calm and soothing power if his love interests were elements. He remembered how much he identified himself in Sieun. Then, there was Lino: a fiery fire that everyone would quickly call a "major deathly force." Yet, Chan knew more than anyone that it was the fire that would warm a universe beyond measure.
Loving Lino was like a mystery. He was warm but also very distant... Like worshipping a sun. Chan thought the best way to clarify the points was a bait over ramen in one of the evenings, "If I ever found a lover, I definitely wanted them to be like you."
Chan recalled how annoyed he was that night when Lino only responded, "Thanks. That's very sweet of you. I hope you will find someone."
So, one day, when Chan finally dared himself to confess, he felt anger creeping in as he listened to Lino's, "Why would you lie like that? You don't want to be with me. You don't. You fxkin don't."
Chan remembered the budding dejection within him as he finally stood up from his knee before Lino, "It's okay if you don't feel the same way. But please, don't say I lie because I would never lie over a matter like that."
And to that, he just left... Prepared for the crushing pain within his heart to shout louder and more clearly.
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"He doesn't mean any of that, does he?"
Lino remembered rushing towards his room to video-call one of his online friends, Gabe.
He recalled a loud, exaggerated sigh from the other line, "You know what, for a person with endless knowledge like you, you clearly are an idiot."
"Excuse me?"
"You are an idiot."
"Why?!"
"Because you rejected the man you had a giant crush on and called him a liar. Honestly, Lino, I thought you would know better."
"Know what's better?"
"That he loves you!"
"For heaven's sake, I have told you this, and I will tell you again: He doesn't love me!"
"How come you say that, you idiot?! He really goes head-over-heels for you!"
"He doesn't. He does not. There, I said again and again."
"And what do you base your objection on?"
"He barely knew me for a few years. We are just acquaintances... He worshipped me. He was really into me. And he's hot! A hot guy with all those characteristics would never want to be with me. It doesn't make any sense!"
"Doesn't make any sense to whom?"
"To me!"
"Well, you are adorable, and I said I would want to be with you if I hadn't been an asexual."
"Yes, but you are different!"
"And how is Chan not different?"
"Because he is Chan!"
"What is that supposed to mean?!"
"The logic doesn't come together for someone so perfect like him to be with me. That doesn't make any sense!"
"STOP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING SENSIBLE, OKAY?! Only some things have to make sense. Plus, honestly, you are not the most intelligent person there is. So, don't behave like you know everything on earth."
"But..."
"I am not done! Here's your problem: you keep making logic out of everything. Yet you must remember that feelings aren't supposed to be like that. It is meant to be felt..."
"But all the people in my past..."
"I am NOT done. Shut up. All those people from your past were idiots or broken. All those stories had to happen because they allowed Chan to exist in your life. Now, Chan is here. That's all that matter. He loved you, you liked - NO, LOVED him. So, for once, it happened. Just happened. It doesn't make sense to your brain, but it makes sense to everyone else, even me. To this universe. So, SHUT UP, AND JUST TAKE HIM before you regret it, okay?!"
"But...."
"I don't accept, but. I am not talking to you until you accept Chan and his confession."
"What if...."
"Shut up. Just go. Just do what your heart tells you."
And before Lino would say anything, the line went dead. That night, he couldn't sleep until days to come.
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Lino remembered Chan would never pick up his calls or reply to his texts afterwards. So, he would go to his office, parking lots, anything, just to glimpse Chan.
So he kept trying and trying. One day, when their eyes locked, Chan began to avoid Lino. Thus, Lino picked up his pace faster and faster.
"I love you too, okay! And I am sorry!"
Chan stopped at his track, back still facing away from Lino, "For what?"
"For... For calling you a liar, for one. For not telling the truth...."
This time, Chan turned his back slowly, "What truth?"
Lino recalled the tears on the brink of his own eyes, "That I... I love... I love you."
Both remembered the breezy wind, but a sense of warmth engulfed them.
"Then, why would you call me a liar earlier?"
Lino choked on his words before he continued, "Because…. you don't make sense."
"My words don't make sense?"
"No. Your whole existence, your whole confession to me. Those don't make sense to my brain. Nobody wants me, loves me, or desires me. And you do. That doesn't make sense. I think..."
Lino remembered how Chan just grew closer to his face before he could even continue. He remembered Chan, who gently caressed his face as if he were the centre of the universe, "It doesn't have to, Lino. It will never make sense. It doesn't have to make sense as long as it's us."
Lino would only close his eyes as he promised to remember that vow for the rest of his life.