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Marinette shakily rose from the toilet, wiping blood from her lips. Lungs straining for breath, she heaved, trying to draw in any oxygen she could. The image of flower petals floating in the water replayed in her head repeatedly.
The flower petals that were once white, at least she thinks they were once white. She guessed it didn’t matter what color they were; her throat would feel like a grater had been going to town on it whether they were white or pink or yellow. Muscles strained as she still gasped for more air. It didn’t take but five breaths or so for Marinette to feel a bit more in control of her breathing.
She sat quietly for a moment, taking it one step at a time. She started washing the blood from her lips. After that, she started swishing water in her mouth to remove the coppery taste. The image of blood-tainted petals floated across her eyes again.
Marinette squeezed her eyes tight, trying to forget the blood. Blood from her mangled lungs.
The presumably white flowers had been stealing Her breath for months now. Moments of fighting to fill her lungs with much-needed air. Battles with Akumas cause her consistent worry because one wrong hit and she couldn’t draw that air back in.
Staring at the faucet, Marinette tried to remember the last time she wasn’t anxiously living from breathing attack to breathing attack.
She honestly couldn’t. Even though it had been 3 months since her first symptoms started, it felt like she’s been dealing with it for so much longer. The flowers were new, but the inability to breathe had quickly become scary and fear-inducing. Each attack left Marinette wondering if the next breath she took would be her last.
Marinette flushed the toilet and headed to school after checking her face in the mirror for blood. Tikki sat quietly in Marinette's purse. Marinette wished Tikki would stop saying she needed to tell Adrien about the flower disease.
She wished that they could go back to the way it was before… Before, she fell so in love with Adrien that her body was torn apart by that very love. Before she knew how much longer she had to live. Before choosing whether she would have the flowers surgically removed and her emotions with them. Before, she told Tikki that in two weeks, she would take her to the master so a new Ladybug could be chosen.
So many wishes.
Marinette shifted her thoughts to school as she walked up the front stairs. Grumbling about being almost 20 minutes early, she sat on one of the benches. The irony that the disease killing her turned her into a morning person was ridiculous.
Pulling out a notepad, Marinette began a simple sketch of a spring-inspired dress. Marinette frowned softly when she realized she wouldn’t see another spring.
“Hey, Marinette!” A much too preppy voice called out. But instead of saying ‘hi’ back, Marinette froze In pain.
“Marinette? Are you ok?” Adrien Agreste asked.
Marinette noticed his voice was just slightly more rugged than usual. Wondering whether his voice was like that because he was still sleepy or something else, Marinette sadly smiled up at him.
“Morning Adrien,” she murmured.
Then with more bravado than Marinette thought she would have been able to muster, she answered his question.
“Honestly, no, I’m not ok. But unfortunately, there’s nothing that can fix it. Thanks for asking, though.” With a quiet sigh, Marinette turned back to her sketch.
Adrien stood for a moment silently. Marinette spoke to him without stuttering once… Then he realized what she had said. Immediately he knew he needed to make her happier.
“Hey, I’m your friend Marinette,” he responded with a smile. “If you want to talk about it, we have about 10 minutes till school starts?”
He hoped she did. Marinette was the most precious girl he had ever met. She has the kindest heart. So willing to help people. An everyday Ladybug. He would do anything he could if he could help her only a little bit.
She deserved it.
With a second of thought, Marinette shifted her weight.
“I don’t know if I can talk about it, Adrien. But thank you for offering.” A slight grimace formed on her face. Was she imagining things? Or was his very presence making it harder to breathe?
As Adrien opened his mouth in response, Marinette started violently coughing.
She slid off the bench onto her knees, trying to clear her airway.
While Marinette started gagging, Adrien dropped his bag and water bottle, landing on his knees beside her trying to remember what to do when someone was choking. He rubbed her shoulder and tried to soothe her as she finally got a breath in.
With a final gag, she coughed up an entire white flower head about the size of her palm. Blood dripped from the petals and her hand. Tears formed as Marinette continued to spit out blood onto the pavement.
Horrified, Adrien stared at the flower on the ground. Then he looked at Marinette. Sweet, perfect Marinette, who was dying an excruciating and drawn-out death. With much more composure than he would have thought she would have, Marinette looked up into Adrien's eyes.
“You won’t say anything,” her icy voice commanded him. Rearing back, all Adrien could do was stare.
“Do you hear me?” Marinette demanded.
Adrien slowly shook his head.
“I don’t understand!” His voice cracked. “How can you not tell anybody? How are you already in the last stages without anyone knowing?”
Without his answer, Marinette picked up the flower and stood up. Quickly throwing it away, she grabbed Adrien's water bottle and poured water over the blood. Then over her hands to clean them.
“Who is it?”
Looking down at Adrien, Marinette contemplated whether to lie or not. Sighing deeply, her eyes shifted shut.
“It doesn’t matter because I’m going to die. It’s nicknamed the unrequited love disease for a reason.” Laughing without humor, she continued, “Besides, what could you do to change anything?” she bitterly commented.
Holding out his water bottle, she awaited his answer.
Standing up, Adrien grabbed his bag from the floor and his water bottle from Marinette.
“I would do everything I could to change the person's mind about you,” with tears forming in his eyes, Adrien looked away, “I’d do anything to keep this disease from killing you.”
Marinette's walls dropped after his last comment.
“Hey,” she comforted, pulling him into a hug. “You don’t get to beat yourself up.” Adrien squeezed her tighter.
“Besides, I’m the one who fell in love with someone who didn’t love me back.”
Adrien shuddered, “Yeah, I know how that feels.”
All of Marinette's thoughts froze as she realized what he was saying.
“Oh my god, you have it too? Who?” Marinette whispered, absolutely horrified.
Adrien answered with a small, humorless laugh,
“you know, it's honestly kind of stupid. I fell in love with a woman who will never be able to love me back because she can never know who I am, and I can never know who she is.” With a chagrin smirk, he continued, “Besides, if you won't tell, what makes you think I will?”
With a broken laugh, Marinette looked up into the face of her unrequited love. “I’m so sorry, Adrien.” With a deep, emotion-filled breath, he looked down at her.
“Same Mari, same.” With a pause, he glanced over at the school. “Hey…Want to skip with me?”
Startled, she looked up at him, searching his eyes for an answer. “I don’t know if that would be a good idea.”
“Why not? It would be fun to do something for us before it's no longer an option.”
Deeply sighing, Marinette resignedly nodded. Adrien immediately started jumping up and down.
“YES! This is going to be the best skip day you have ever seen! We will get ice cream and go to a movie and go to the Louvre, and maybe go to the top of the Eiffel Tow-“
“OK! Ok, I get the picture,” Marinette said, rolling her eyes. “Come on, dork, before we get caught.”
Quickly the two of them headed toward the Louvre.
Adrien kept glancing at his friend in curiosity. Who was the person that held her heart so firmly that she had hanahuki form from the pain of unrequited love? He must be an amazing guy. With that thought plaguing his mind, he considered Ladybug. Her fierce love of Paris and how she would do anything to protect it. How she fought by his side and all she did for him.
At his wonderings, Adrien felt the telltale tickle at the back of his throat that he would be coughing up flower petals soon. Breathing deeply, trying to keep from coughing, Adrien fought down panic at the feeling of choking.
When Adrien grabbed his throat and turned towards the bushes they were walking by, Marinette immediately went to his side. The pain in her lungs was exasperated at the sight of Adrien’s pain.
After a few deep chest coughs, Adrien hacked up the wad of flower petals that formed in his lungs.
“Are you able to breathe again?” Marinette softly asked, rubbing circles on his back.
“Not really.” Adrien sagged a bit, trying to catch his breath. Looking over at Marinette, he softly spoke his thoughts out loud.
“I’m worried I won’t be able to hide it long enough, and my dad will take me to have my emotions removed.”
A single tear fell down his face with the soul-wrenching thought of his emotions for Ladybug being taken away.
“Don’t you want the chance to live? Even being able to find another love someday?”
Adrien looked at Marinette, confused by her question.
Marinette looked away in thought. She sighed deeply before speaking again. “I would give anything for the man I love to love me back. And I would also give anything to feel love again with someone who loves me back.”
Shrugging with fake indifference, she smiled sadly at Adrien. “But my family doesn’t have the money for the operation, and I won’t let them know what I suffer only for them to go bankrupt to save me. If you have any desire left to live in a world where you don’t love them, please consider it.”
Adrien thought hard about Marinette's last words before continuing to walk to the Louvre. He didn’t know how, but he thought maybe, just maybe, he could sacrifice his emotions for Ladybug.
He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t know how to live without her either. She was his sun. His days were dull and cloudy without her.
Marinette was having trouble keeping a happy face on. She was spending time with the man who caused her deepest joy and sorrow. Her lungs constantly ached while she was near him, and she could feel the flowers growing inside her. The flower petals were rough and abrasive against her lungs moving with every breath she took. She wished she had the courage to say, ‘I love you.’
What a horrible way to die? Because you were too scared to say how you felt. Marinette grimaced at the tightness in her chest. She needed to cough up another flower.
Turning to her partner in ditching, she said, ”I need to go to the bathroom. Can you wait for me?”
Adrien smiled and nodded.
“yeah, of course,” he replied, heading towards a bench along the wall.
Marinette barely reached a stall before a bone-rattling cough stole her breath. Tears ran down her face from the throat-scratching coughs she had over and over.
It hurt to breathe as her throat was raw from her forced coughing. When Marinette finally thought she wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore, she started to gag, and with a final cough, she spat out a giant flower into the toilet.
Barely a breath into being free of the flower, she coughed a couple more times before spitting out flower petals that got stuck in her throat. Finally able to breathe more clearly, she flushed the toilet.
Deciding to clean the saliva that dripped down her chin off at a sink instead of with toilet paper, Marinette made her way out of the bathroom stall.
Looking up into the mirror as she walked towards the sinks, Marinette almost started crying again. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she looked pale as could be. But what scared her the most was the deep red color dripping down her chin.
She was coughing up blood. Her lungs were so mangled, so raw, with coughing and flowers forming that she bled. Her throat felt like it was on fire, and she wondered if her throat was bleeding as well.
Hacking up a bit of flem from the back of her throat, she spit it into the sink. It was tinged red.
Quickly wiping her face off and cleaning her hands, Marinette left the bathroom to rejoin Adrien.
He jumped to his feet with an almost carefree smile on his face.
“You know, I never realized how many different people came to the Louvre until I started paying attention.” Adrien almost continued on that topic when he noticed Marinette's complexion.
“Are you feeling ok?” He asked with a worried look. “Your face is pretty pale. Do you want to sit for a bit?”
Fighting a grimace, Marinette shook her head. “Nah, let’s head out.”
Adrien hesitantly agreed, and they headed towards the statue wing.
“You know we could make fun of the faces and poses.”
“No!” Adrien said, scandalized. “That’s awful.” He broke off in an almost childish giggle.
Marinette joined in and, not very covertly, pointed at the statue behind Adrien. The two laughed hard at the funnily posed figure missing a nose.
The two spent hours picking apart paintings and statues. Marinette had sneakily spit up flower petals multiple times an hour. The close proximity of the love of her life exasperated her symptoms to the point that she felt she’d coughed up at least three flowers worth of petals. More petals than she would cough up in two days.
When they neared the end of their Louvre exploration, a loud crash echoing off the marble floors startled them.
Two pitiful excuses later, the two left each other and joined each other on the battlefield.
Marinette was worried when the akuma seemed to be a giant colorful blob that multiples when hit.
Every small gelatinous piece broken off would chase after anything smaller than itself and absorb it.
“Good day, M‘lady! Wow, I’m almost jello-us of the color palette. Being monochromic myself, I’m almost ’chalk‘ed by the vivid hues.”
“Enough, Kitty. Let’s get to work the one looks like a bit of a challenge.”
Ladybug swung after the Akuma, hoping it would go quicker than the last akuma they fought without a solid form.
~
Almost 3 hours later, the two superheroes fist bumped.
“Pound it.” They said at the same time.
Ladybug's eyes softened as she looked at her partner. It was times like this when she realized how much she wished for a longer future than maybe a month. She hoped he wouldn’t miss her too much when she was gone. Sighing softly, she turned to leave.
“Wait! Bugaboo! Um,” Chat Noir shouted after his partner. Only to draw a blank on what to say next when she turned towards him.
“Yes?” Ladybug raised an eyebrow in question.
“I uh,” Chat rubbed the back of his neck, “that is to say, would you be willing to hang out for a bit? I mean, if you have the time! I know you must be busy. I mean, I’m busy too, so I know it’s hard to find spare time for yourself.”
The longer she didn’t say anything, the more nervous Chat was before settling on standing still and staring a bit wide-eyed.
“I have a few minutes to spare,” Ladybug smiled softly at her partner. “I’ll race you to the Eiffel Tower!”
Not waiting to hear his answer, Ladybug threw out her yo-yo, swinging away as fast as she could.
It was a close race. Ladybug barely landed before Chat Noir.
“We haven’t done that in a while, M’lady.” Chat looked over at the love of his life with stars in his eyes.
“It’s nice to know I still got you beat,” Ladybug said mischievously.
“So, what’s up? Was there something you wanted to talk about?” Sitting down on the tower's edge, Ladybug looked up at Chat.
With a pause, he looked down at her. There was so much he wanted to talk about. How he had fallen so hard for her that it was killing him. That he was considering life over love. But mostly, he just wanted to remove the shadow of grief that hung over her. He saw it the few times that her guard had slightly dropped. Chat Noir wanted to know what was hurting her so he could stop it.
“Well, nothing too crazy. Just wanted to catch up a bit! I’ve missed you.”
As he sat down, she leaned over to hug him.
“Ah, silly kitty, I’ve missed you too.”
Looking out at the city, she considers whether or not she should tell him that he will have a new partner within the next two weeks.
“I’m glad you asked to hang for a bit. I have something I would like to talk to you about.”
Chat Noir immediately sat up straight at the tone in her voice, giving her his full attention.
He noticed she played slightly with her fingers as if whatever she wanted to say worried her.
“I recently had a conversation with a close friend of mine.”
Chat reared back a bit in confusion. They didn’t talk about their personal lives.
Not noticing his reaction, Ladybug continued on.
“It wasn’t a fun one, you know?” Not really wanting an answer, she kept talking. “It was about something I haven’t told anyone about, and I found out that my friend is struggling with the same thing I am.”
Chat Noir listened closely. But he didn’t understand why Ladybug was talking about this now. They didn’t do personal lives, let alone conversations in their personal lives. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know more about her, but it wasn’t normal.
“He said something that stuck with me, and it hurt. He said something about this person in his life not ever seeing who he truly was, and because of that, that person would never be able to love them back.” Glancing over at Chat, she spoke directly to him.
“I wasn’t going to do this, mostly because I don’t know if it’s fair to you or maybe it wouldn't be fair if I didn’t. I don’t really know what the right thing to do is, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I choose wrong.”
Chat Noir tried to follow Ladybug's words, but he couldn’t. He knew he could forgive her for anything, but what was she talking about?
“I’m dying, Chat.”
With those three words, time stood still for the two superheroes.
Ladybug, finally speaking the words aloud, started crying.
Chat, who wouldn’t have guessed that in a million years, sat still. His very world was breaking before his eyes, even though everything was still whole.
Ladybug had brought her hands up to her mouth, trying to hold her cries in. The overwhelming notion of dying had not really sunk in until she sat before her closest friend, her partner, and realized this would be one of the last times she saw him.
“Ladybug,” Chat’s voice broke with emotion.
“Please.” He whispered. “Please. Please. Please.” His voice quick and reedy.
“Don’t.” He choked in a breath.
“Please don't leave me.” He reached a hand out, grasping one of hers.
At her fierce grip, he slightly tugged at her arm. She leaned forward, shaking with every sob.
He pulled her into his arms, holding her as tightly as possible. As if his very hold on her would keep her from leaving him.
Tears started falling down his face. He held her as she broke. She held him as he broke. Every tear and cry of denial and bitter acceptance felt like a lost wish.
Time slowly passed, and Ladybug regained enough control to calm down enough to breathe without gasping for air.
Her stomach churned, and tears still slipped down her face. She looked up at Chat, who had curled over her protectively. His face streaked with tears.
He leaned back enough to meet her eyes when he felt her shift. He tried to smile, but his lips wobbled before fresh tears flooded his vision.
“Chat.” Ladybug cried out his name.
She never wanted to hurt him this bad. Couldn’t have imagined that this would be his response. Let alone that that would be her response. She thought she was ready for death. But when it began to stare her in the face, the knowledge of the end only made her realize nothing can prepare you for it.
“I love you, you know that, right?” She whispered pitifully.
“I wouldn’t have chosen to leave you and my parents. You’re the best partner anyone could wish for.”
She nodded to him when he began to shake his head at her.
He cried harder as he felt the flowers within his chest move. He tried to understand what was happening when he finally realized that knowing that Ladybug loved him made the flowers wither.
He breathed deeply, almost falling back with shock. Chat hadn’t been able to breathe like that without coughing for months.
Not realizing what she had just done, Ladybug continued talking.
“I’m giving Master Fu my miraculous to find you a new partner. In fact, based on how today has been, I’ll probably go as soon as I can.”
Chat focused back on her words when she mentioned the miraculous.
“NO! Ladybug! You can’t give up your miraculous. You are MY partner! I won’t have another if it isn’t you!! Please, is there anything we can do to save you?!”
Ladybug reached out and gave him a hug. This time it was for him, not herself. He crumpled into her, holding her as if she were his lifeline. Because, in a way, she was.
“Kitty, I wish there was, but there isn’t a way that I’m willing to pay the price for.”
Chat's ear pricked at the way she worded her response.
“M’lady, you haven't said how you're dying or what from…” he left the statement open. He wanted her to tell him but didn’t know how to ask.
Ladybug sighed in contemplation. She wanted to tell him, but she also knew there wasn’t anything he could do.
“Chat, I don’t think you need to know. I am dying, and the way I’m progressing, I probably have a bit over 3 weeks left.”
Chat Noir sat momentarily, thinking about what she had said so far this night and about the long akuma battle they had earlier. He knew she hadn’t been feeling good recently, but she could still swing around and be physically active for someone so close to death's doorway.
Chat fought to try and make sense of any little clue she could have dropped. She said the way today had been. He’s spent hours with her. She had multiple times where during the fight, she had seemed to go a long way around when they were fighting. Almost ducking out of his line of sight now that he thought about it.
Her voice had been slightly raspy when she had to yell something. Chat Noir paused his thinking for a moment. With those few things, he could almost assume she had a sore throat and that it affected her voice slightly.
One moment he was clueless about what was going on when a thought made everything click in his head.
She had been ducking out of sight to hide a symptom.
What if….he shuddered, forcing himself to think it. What if she has hanahuki…
“Ladybug, I love you,” Chat whispered into her shoulder.
Ladybug pulled him in tighter. “I know, Kitty. I know.”
It wasn’t him then.
“Ladybug?”
“Hmm?”
“Who is he?” He asked softly.
Ladybug froze, letting go of Chat.
“What do you mean?” She hoarsely asked.
“I think you know what I mean.” His gaze pierced her heart. “Who is he?”
“Chat, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I don’t understand what you are asking.”
Chat hummed softly before responding. “Who is the guy that you have caught hanahuki for.”
The last word he spoke froze Ladybug where she sat. She thought she had kept her secret well, but on the same day, two of the most important people in her life realized what was going on. On the one hand, she was glad he recognized what was happening. But on the other? She was furious he found out. She was even more furious that he asked about it.
“I’m not going to say Chat.” She knew what he would do. He would hunt Adrien down and do whatever was necessary to save her.
“You will tell me, Ladybug. So help me; I will find out.”
He didn’t want to threaten her. But Chat couldn’t face a world without her in it. He wouldn’t make it. If she left him behind, it wouldn’t matter that he no longer had hanuhaki. He would die without her.
In some place in his head, he knew that wasn’t a healthy mindset, but she was his light! The reason he awoke in the morning and made it through every day no matter how busy our stressful or plan awful his day was.
“Chat, I will not tell you. This isn’t something you need to know.” Slowly standing up, she turned out towards the city.
“Let’s meet up this weekend, ok? We can say our goodbyes then.”
She flicked her yo-yo out, and within two minutes, Chat Noir couldn’t see her anymore.
He stood still for a moment before he screamed out his fury. His lungs strained to hold air. His scream dimmed into sobs of anguish.