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They finally made it back to Cat’s cradle, they made it back home.
They didn’t really make it back without a scratch, well, Ava did.
Most of her wounds have healed on the way there.
But Beatrice wasn’t that lucky.
She could still feel the searing pain from every hit and cut Adriel's followers had inflicted upon her.
Despite her attempts to conceal her agony, Ava could see right through her act.
"Bea, are you sure you're okay? I saw how badly they hurt you. I think you need medical help," Ava said, genuine concern evident in her voice.
Beatrice couldn’t stop thinking about how weak Ava must think she is.
As the protector and sister warrior, she was supposed to be the one Ava could trust the most.
Yet, it was Ava who had saved them both when the situation became perilous.
Beatrice was irresponsible, the safety of the warrior nun was trusted in her and without Ava, both of them wouldn’t have made it back alive.
No, the whole situation was humiliating enough, she couldn’t show Ava how weak and unreliable she really is.
"Ava, I promise I'm fine. I've endured worse," Beatrice reassured her, attempting to push aside her own pain. "I just need to shower."
"Okay, but promise me you'll call me if you need anything," Ava insisted, not fully convinced.
"I promise," Beatrice nodded, doing her best to hold herself together a little longer.
"Okay!! See you later, Bea," Ava waved and walked away.
After Ava left, Beatrice took a deep breath, determined to hold back her tears.
Hurriedly, she made her way to her and Ava's room, where she grabbed her aid kit.
She gazed into the bathroom’s mirror, her face marred with cuts and bruises staring back at her, and all she could see was how much of a disappointment she was.
She hesitated to remove her armor, afraid of what she would find underneath, uncertain of the extent of her cuts and bruises.
In her mind, she felt deserving of the pain, believing it to be a consequence of her perceived shortcomings.
If she was better, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt so badly, it was her fault and now it’s time for her to face the consequences and get the punishment she deserved.
The person who got injured like that today is maybe her but next time it could be Ava, and she would rather die than let Ava experience the amount of pain she felt now.
It was a reminder, of her failures and she will learn from them, she’ll do better next time, she has to.
With a heavy sigh, she slowly removed her armor and layers of clothes, revealing her wounded body underneath.
Beatrice felt a wave of terror wash over her as she saw the myriad of cuts and bruises of all shapes and sizes covering her skin.
Some of the cuts were still bleeding, a painful reminder of the fierce battle she had endured.
As she touched the blood on one of the cuts, a sharp sting shot through her, making her retract her finger instinctively.
Overwhelmed by the pain coursing through her entire body, Beatrice didn't know where to begin with fixing her injuries.
The magnitude of her wounds left her feeling lost and unsure of how to treat them all at once.
Staring at her reflection in the large mirror, Beatrice struggled to hold back her tears.
"You don't deserve to cry," she whispered, the self-loathing evident in her voice. "This is what you deserve. Now, you only need to learn from this."
The words felt hauntingly familiar, and it took a moment for her to realize who she sounded like….
her father
The realization hit her hard, leaving her feeling deeply disgusted with herself.
With each passing second, pain rushed through her, both physically and emotionally, intensifying her inner turmoil.
Beatrice fought hard to suppress her tears, but the overwhelming mix of pain and sadness proved too much for her.
As one tear dropped, followed by another, she could no longer hold back the flood of emotions.
"I'm so weak," she whispered through her tears, gripping the sink tightly as she avoided her own reflection, unable to bear the sight of her own vulnerability.
For what felt like an eternity, Beatrice remained engulfed in her pain, tears flowing relentlessly as she cried without any means of stopping.
Then, a knock at the door jolted her out of her trance-like state.
"Bea, are you okay there?" Ava's familiar voice came from behind the door.
No, just not Ava
It was bad enough that she saw her getting hurt, but she couldn’t let Ava see her like this—so weak and pathetic.
Beatrice tried to pull herself together, taking a deep breath as she wiped her tears away, even though Ava couldn't see her.
‘“W-What are you doing here?” Beatrice asked with the most monotonic voice she could gather.
“Oh I just needed something from our room and then heard some noise so I wanted to check if you’re alright,” Ava replied.
“I’m alright,” Beatrice responded coldly.
"Are you sure? I can help you bandage your wounds, Camilla taught me," Ava offered.
The voices in Beatrice's mind started whispering, filling her with self-doubt. "She knows," they taunted, "she knows how weak and pathetic you are."
Beatrice tried to ignore them, attempting to stay calm, but the voices grew louder, taunting her further.
"Once she'll know how useless you really are, she won't be able to trust you to protect her, and someone else will be assigned to protect the halo bearer, someone more useful than you," the voice whispered, growing louder and more insistent.
The relentless whispers filled Beatrice with self-doubt and fear, causing her to snap under the weight of her emotions.
"I said no, Ava! I can take care of myself," Beatrice snapped, tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to silence the voices. "I'm not useless nor weak, and I don't need you or anyone to help me."
Ava remained silent for a few minutes, leaving Beatrice to believe she had given up and left.
"I never said you are useless or weak," Ava whispered from behind the door, hurt that Beatrice thinks she sees herself that way. "I just can sense you're in pain, and I want to help."
"Why?" Beatrice asked with bitterness in her voice. "Why would you want to help me? I'm the sister warrior, it's my duty to take care of the warrior nun, not the other way around."
"Because I care about you, Bea!" Ava exclaimed, her voice filled with sincerity.
"Please let me in,” Ava bagged softly.
Beatrice couldn't fight anymore, the pain becoming too overwhelming both physically and emotionally, so she let Ava in.
Unlocking the door, she silently invited Ava to come in.
As Ava entered, she saw Beatrice sitting on a chair, looking down in shame.
Ava was taken aback by the sight of Beatrice's body, covered in cuts and bruises, some bearing old scars.
Despite the wounds, Ava thought Beatrice was beautiful, each mark a testament to her strength and resilience.
Ava could sense that Beatrice didn’t want to talk just yet about what just happened.
Without uttering a word, Ava took the aid kit and gently began disinfecting and bandaging Beatrice's cuts.
She also fetched ice packs for some of her bruises.
They stayed like that for something like an hour, Ava treating each of Beatrice’s cuts and bruises with care and love, the kind Beatrice had never felt before.
The touch of Ava's fingers on her bare skin made Beatrice's heart pound and her body shiver.
She was attracted to the other girl’s tender touch, wishing deep in her heart that it would never end, and she hated herself even more for it.
Beatrice found herself overwhelmed by the flood of feelings she had desperately tried to push away for years.
She felt a sense of disgust and shame, praying that these unwanted emotions would simply vanish.
Yet, no matter how much she hated them, they persisted, leaving her torn between what she felt and what she believed to be right and wrong.
The silence in the bathroom was deafening, with only the sound of each girl's breath breaking the stillness.
But then, Ava's gentle voice broke through, bringing Beatrice back to reality.
"There, all done," Ava said, offering a warm smile.
Beatrice's eyes lifted from the floor, meeting Ava's gaze for the first time in a while.
"I'm sorry," Beatrice managed to say, feeling the weight of her emotions bearing down on her.
"W-What?" Ava asked, confused by Beatrice's words.
"I wasn't enough today, I promise to do better on the next mission," Beatrice said, avoiding Ava's gaze and looking at the floor.
"N-Next mission?" Ava repeated, still puzzled by Beatrice's behaviour.
“Oh, I assumed this would happen,” Beatrice took a deep breath, “I suppose Sister Dora would be a suitable replacement, she’s strong, fearless, and could serve you well.”
“Beatrice, what do you mean? Replacement for what?” she asked, her voice tinged with concern.
"For me," Beatrice replied, locking eyes with Ava once again. "I think she should be the one protecting you, not me."
Ava's voice broke with pain as she reached for Beatrice's hands. "Why are you saying this?" she asked, trying to understand.
"I proved today that I'm incapable of protecting you!" Beatrice exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes. "If you hadn't gotten us out of there, you would've been hurt, or worse, and it would all be because I was too weak to protect you!"
"No, Bea, listen to me," Ava said, gently cupping Beatrice's chin and making sure they had eye contact, "you are irreplaceable. No one could ever be as skilled and talented of a Sister Warrior as you are, and I don't want to fight this war beside anyone who isn't you."
Beatrice continued to hold back her tears as Ava's fingers tenderly caressed her chin, her touch coaxing Beatrice to lean into it.
"You're allowed to get hurt, you're allowed to be saved," Ava emphasised, "That doesn't make you weak. Your scars, scratches, and bruises only show how resilient and strong you are. They don't make you weak, and I would never see you as someone who is replaceable because you're the most special person I've ever met."
As Beatrice's emotions overflowed, she couldn't keep it in any longer.
She tried so hard to hold back her tears, but they kept falling, one after another.
But this time, she wasn't alone in her pain.
Ava was there, pulling her into a big embrace, and providing the comfort and support she desperately needed.
"Ava, I-I don't want you to see me like this," the sister warrior whispered, feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed in Ava's big embrace.
"Please, let me be here for you," Ava whispered back, holding Beatrice tightly, "I need to be here for you."
Beatrice hesitated for a moment, but the sincerity in Ava's voice and the warmth of her embrace were too comforting to resist.
"A-Alright," she stuttered, finally allowing herself to cry and melt into the other girl's shoulder.
Every tear that trickled down Beatrice's cheek tugged at Ava's heart.
At that moment, Ava wanted to find whoever had told Beatrice she was replaceable and confront them.
But for now, she needed to focus on comforting Beatrice, making her feel safe and cherished.
Ava gently placed her fingers on Beatrice's exposed back and drew soothing circles, hoping to ease the tension and fear that gripped her.
She wanted Beatrice to feel calm, supported, and loved.
In that tender moment, Beatrice's conflicting emotions weighed heavily on her.
She yearned to fully embrace Ava's soft touch, but the echoes of her parents' hurtful words still haunted her, labeling her feelings as perverse and sick.
It was a battle she fought within herself, torn between her love for Ava and the fear of being judged.
"I'm so tired, Ava," Beatrice sighed, her voice heavy with weariness and sadness.
"I know, Bea," Ava replied, her arms holding Beatrice close, "I know."
They remained entwined in each other's tender touch, finding comfort in the solace they provided.
The minutes seemed to stretch into hours, and eventually, Beatrice's tears subsided.
Without uttering a single word, they both sensed the need for rest after their exhausting day.
Silently, they decided to retire to their shared bed, seeking the solace it offered after their emotional ordeal.
Lying side by side, Ava couldn't help but keep her gaze fixed on Beatrice, who lay on her back, lost in contemplation as she stared at the ceiling.
Curiosity filled Ava's heart as she whispered, “what are you thinking about, Bea?”
Beatrice turned her head to meet Ava's gaze, her eyes revealing the pain and inner turmoil she was experiencing.
"I was thinking about... my parents," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Ava's heart sank, knowing that Beatrice's relationship with her parents had always been a source of anguish. "Bea, I promise that whatever they said about you is not true," Ava reassured, gently holding Beatrice's hand.
"I want to believe you, Ava," Beatrice said, her voice filled with vulnerability and tears forming in her eyes, "but their voices haunt me. They constantly whisper awful things to me, and deep down, I think they might be true. I just wish I could be free from them, I wish those voices would disappear."
Ava squeezed Beatrice's hand gently, feeling the weight of her pain and longing for peace.
"I understand, Bea," she said softly, "It's not easy to silence those voices, especially when they've been with you for so long. But you don't have to face this alone. We'll work through this together, and I'll be here to support you every step of the way."
Beatrice took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing thoughts. "It's just so exhausting," she admitted, "I feel like I'm fighting a constant battle with myself, trying to prove that I'm not the person they made me believe I am.
Ava nodded, her heart aching for Beatrice. "I can only imagine how hard it must be," she said, "but remember, you are not defined by what others say about you. You are strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming these struggles."
Beatrice wiped away a tear, grateful for Ava's comforting presence. "I wish I could believe that," she said with a voice that was barely above a whisper.
"Believing in yourself is a process, and it takes time," Ava said gently, "But I believe in you, and I'll keep reminding you of your strength until you can see it too."
Those words, coupled with Ava's tender touch, were overwhelming for Beatrice.
Tears began to wash her face, expressing the gratitude she felt for Ava's unwavering support.
Without uttering a single word, Ava enveloped Beatrice with her comforting embrace, holding her close as Beatrice cried into her chest.
"Let it all out," Ava whispered softly, thankful that Beatrice felt safe enough to seek solace in her arms.
They stayed intertwined, cocooned in each other's warmth, as Beatrice released years of pent-up negative emotions she had been carrying.
Ava's gentle caresses traced over Beatrice's scars, a gesture of acceptance and love.
At this moment, they both felt an unspoken bond, as if they had finally found the place where they truly belonged.
The weight of years of self-doubt and pain slowly began to lift as Beatrice found comfort in Ava's embrace.
The unconditional love and support she felt at that moment were unlike anything she had experienced before.
"You're so strong, Bea," Ava whispered gently, her voice filled with admiration, "You've been through so much, and yet you're still standing, still fighting. I'm so proud of you."
Beatrice's sobs began to subside, replaced by a sense of relief and gratitude for Ava's unwavering presence. "Thank you, Ava," she managed to say between deep breaths, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You don't have to do anything alone," Ava replied, her voice steady and reassuring, "I'm here for you, always.
They stayed in each other's arms, finding solace and comfort in the unspoken connection between them.
At that moment, Beatrice realized that she had found a true companion, someone who saw her for who she truly was and accepted her without judgment.
In all her years, Beatrice had moved from one place to another, her parents' house, boarding school, and Cat's Cradle but, none of them ever truly felt like home.
None of them could compare to the warmth and safety she felt in Ava's arms.
It was at that very moment that Beatrice came to a profound realization: she had finally found her home, Ava was her home.