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Miguel knows he’s dreaming. He knows because he has had the same dream over and over again for the past couple of months.
In his dream, you’re still alive, just because he took the decision to come back when Lyla asked him to do so and he found you, gasping for your life, but there was still hope.
You clung to him, blood dripping from your mouth, open in a silent scream as he carried you to the med bay and did as much as possible to treat your wound and ease your pain until you calmed down.
He knows he’s dreaming…because in his dream, you have a voice, one barely above a whisper as you finally recovered your strength.
“Thank you…”
He would bolt upright on his bed, every. Single. Time. And breathe as deep as he could. His forehead was covered in sweat and cold ran down his back until his eyes would adjust to the familiar darkness of his room, the clock showing unholy hours in the morning.
“Fuck…” -he muttered as followed the same routine each time. He would ease his breathing down, swing his legs over the edge of the bed and crack his back, just before walking to the bathroom and splashing some water on his face-
Miguel brushed a hand on his face, staring back at his tired reflection. It’s been three months and he can’t stop thinking about it.
It’s his own fault though, he had recovered the footage of that day and he had replayed it repeatedly, watching every single detail of the fight, pointing out every possibility, making notes on the side about what to do if more anomalies were to attack the HQ.
Lyla wasn’t lying when she said you fought at your best, every decision…as hard as it could be, you made it to take them down with you. The painful part was watching you disappear underneath the concrete, the sounds of metal and cement crushing everything around.
He had seen it enough times to replay it in his head…and it was driving him crazy at this point, guilt and sadness eating him alive.
If only I…
He shook his head, you’re long gone, and he cannot continue like this. He knows it’s affecting him…because he still manages to see you around, the hologram being both a blessing and a curse now.
“Lyla…” -he called his AI, the girl beeping on his shoulder with a knowing look-
“Rough night, Boss?” -he hung his head low, grabbing the sink with tight hands-
“Prepare me a coffee. I’ll go to the control room.”
“Black, two sugars?”
“Sure, whatever…” -he waved his hand off and moved back to the room, grabbing a nearby shirt and hoodie. There is no one active at this hour and he’s grateful, the lone corridors giving him time to re-arrange his brain and blink the tiredness away-
The familiar buzzing of machines working around the area doubled as white noise, it’s taking time to repair the damage from the infiltration and reconnect everything that’s trashed around. He knows it’s not your fault, you were not a messy fighter, just outnumbered.
He looked up at the ceiling, patches of web marks burnt into the metal, he had asked to keep those, a not-so-friendly reminder that you fought here and gave absolutely everything you had, blood, sweat, and tears at the end.
The computers kept running analysis and data in the far distance, coffee already waiting for him on the table as he took a seat and lifted the platform. By that moment, he had lost count of how many variants of the ones who attacked the HQ he had hunted down.
Not enough beating could take away his pain. Grieve it’s a bitch, the whole “it goes by on stages” not working for him, whatever angry issue he might show, probably was already there and only exacerbated by the situation.
Miguel flopped against the chair, rubbing his eyes again as they focused on the screens. He struggled with words for a moment, before calling your name.
You appeared next to him, just like Lyla does, and watched him with a concerned look, “taking” a sigh.
“You look bad…” -he stared down at you, trying to ease his mind into the familiarity of the interaction-
“I’m having trouble sleeping, that’s all…” -your form hoped on the desk, swinging your legs in the air-
“Is there something you want to talk about? I’m all ears” -you air quoted, he should be proud to be able to read your signs so easily now, but it doesn’t feel the same-
There is a weight in his heart, and he wants to rip it out…but it will hurt like hell…
“I’m not sure I can…” -you kept staring at him, the way you did when he had a hard time putting his thoughts into words. It took him longer this time, even drowning half of his coffee before finding the right way to start-
If there is a right way…
“You know you’re not… “real”, right?” -you nodded, Lyla had copied her AI motor into you, making you conscious enough to understand your situation-
“Is something wrong with me?” -he shook his head, this is not because of you…it’s because of this whole situation-
“There is nothing wrong with you. It’s just…you are formed with the memories and data of a real person. She is…was…you…arg! She was my best friend! Lyla made you with everything she left behind and I see you here…but you’re not here; she died here!” -the hologram you listened without showing bigger emotion, eyes filled with understanding and tenderness as he continued his rambling-
“And I couldn’t save her…the worst part is that I get to live on, and she can’t. I get to have a life, but without her next to me.” -his eyes roamed your image, trying to see if this whole confession affected you, but you kept staring at him with ease for him to keep talking-
“I can see you…but I can’t touch you, I can’t pat down your head or wrap a blanket around you. You can’t move me around when I fall asleep, neither hold me down when I’m losing my mind…and it hurts so bad, it hurts to see you around…” -he sighed, finally letting everything out, his frustration, his yearning, all at what remains from you, that flicker memory in front of him-
“It hurts, but it’s not your fault. It’s mine, I’m the one who failed…and now, I’m the one who can’t let go of you” -that perked your “curiosity”, stretching your imaginary fingers to form the next question-
“Why not? If it hurts that bad…” -he chuckled, it was a bitter one, as his sense of humor had gotten darker the past couple of months-
“Because you’re all I have from her. These pictures and videos…they’re not enough, and you…somehow…fill in the space. You make her remain alive, but you also remind me that it’s all an illusion. She’s not alive…and you’ll never be.”
There was an uncomfortable silence, you’re probably processing his words…while he had nothing left to say. Miguel had lost so much, he just keeps losing the ones he cares about and lives on…
I don’t feel like living on anymore…
What a cruel joke from the universe for him to be the “survivor” of all these losses, Gabriella, Peter’s variant, You…it’s all too much.
He saw your hands moving, taking a breath to understand your words.
“That’s not true. I am…she is alive…” -Miguel frowned, wondering if Lyla had also passed down her dark humor to you. He clicked his tongue, continuing with this won’t lead anywhere-
“I’ve had enough. I’m sending you back to sleep…” -he saw you frantically shaking your hands in front of you, calling for his attention, trying…and failing…to grab his face. He relented one more time, but your hands were moving so fast now, that he couldn’t understand-
“Stop, stop…slow down, so I can understand you” -the hologram sighed again, looking down at her translucent hands-
“Let me show you…” -the screens became alive with lights, hurting his eyes as you pulled up digital screens. He paid half of his mind to whatever you were doing, wondering why he hasn’t asked for more coffee. There was a ping sound and he looked up, you were pointing directly to the screen, making him frown-
“That’s a wrong coordinate. That universe was destroyed years ago by another anomaly. I know. I took it down too late, and you helped me…” -but your head shook, still pointing at the screen. He followed your finger at the name of the universe-
There, where it should have stopped…there was a hyphen and the letter “B”.
Miguel rushed to the screen, mapping the location of this universe. He had spent years of his life locating all the possible universes out there that hold spider-people, but this one doesn’t figure in the record.
His eyes landed on you, face equally in shock.
“What…is this? How do you know about this place?! It’s not even registered, and still…!” -your hands lifted, motioning down for him to keep breathing. You smiled a bit as he slowed down, pushing another screen with the translator mode on-
“There is currently no Spider-person in this universe…not yet, at least. This is an alternate version of the universe that collapsed, the information of that one overlapping with this one. I know…I…she found it not long before that day. Everything that the SD card contained, all the pictures and videos…they’re a map…” -your hands moved and showed the network of files that Lyla used to create you, the dates seemed wrong, but he had disregarded that information-
They are not wrong…when you place them in the right order…
“How long…have you known this?” -you shrugged, clearly far more into the situation than he-
“I thought you knew…since Lyla took everything, but it seems I assumed wrong. Those files were not just memories Miguel. Look…” -another screen lit up, right in front of him, like the ones he uses to look into other universes where he gets to be with his daughter-
It’s not that he hadn’t looked around for variants of you, but so far, he had found none, resigning that you were a special case, like Miles or Jessica. He stopped looking and dropped the matter…until now…
“Look, there…” -you smiled at him, almost beaming as he observed this new universe. He blinked once…twice…and his whole world turned backward-
He sees…you, a real you, as real as you can be. Being in another universe means that the person changes, of course, it’s not a shock to see an older you, probably closer to his age, the hair is different, the eyes are different…and there is one more thing…
Voice…he can hear your voice…
Laughter echoed from the screen, you laughed at some joke that one of your girlfriends said probably, happy tears running down your face, nose twitching as it used to do. Miguel’s eyes were glued to the screen.
There you are…and he’s just one multi-dimension trip from holding you, but there are consequences, and he knows the risks. Every single detail needs to be taken care of before any rash decisions.
He gulped down, staring at the you he knows…
“Can you…tell me details about this universe? Is there a…” -as if reading his train of thoughts, you shook your head, moving back to the translation screen-
“There is no Miguel O’Hara in this universe. There is a Peter Parker, a Miles Morales, and a Mary Jane Watson. If the cannon line follows the path studied, I believe there will be another Spider-Miles from there, just…not yet…” -he nodded, carefully studying the information he has now-
You’re not meant to be a Spider-person in this universe, no dangerous calls, or life-risking moments, none of that for you. You don’t know him, never had, and never will if he stays out of the picture…and he knows he should, knowing him would only bring further danger for you.
Miguel gripped the edges of the table, trying to understand what to do…how to proceed with this matter.
He can let go…he should let go of you, now, before it’s too late; his eyes returned to the screen as you talked, hearing your voice is so weird, something he’s not used to…but could, within the time.
He should stay away from you, keeping you safe in this unaware universe that this whole thing exists. That would keep you safe, it would guarantee everything you lost.
You’ll get to have a life, grow up and enjoy many things, blissfully aloof of this universe…and he gets to see you live that life from afar, always keeping an eye on you, making sure you’re fine, eating well, working, having a social life…a safe one…
But…it’s not what he wants…
Truth to his selfish part…he wants you back…and he’s struggling to find a reason to stop himself…
“I…” -his eyes landed on you, a soft smile on your face. He felt guilty, jumping into the possibility of seeing you again, alive, made him feel as if he’s replacing you…just because it’s easy to do-
And yet…this is not you…and you would never know…how wrong he feels for this…
“Look, I…it’s not…I’m not trying to…I could never…” -you shook your head, looking down at your hands again as if for some miracle, the answer would be there for him-
“My time here is over, Miguel. The person you met is gone, and I…she loved you more than anything. I never meant to leave this world so fast, but I did. I moved on…I’m at peace. Thanks to you” -heart constricted, he bit back the tears that threatened to escape now, as you placed a hand on your chest-
“It doesn’t mean that I don’t need you anymore. Out there…there is another me, living her life without any danger, but there will be dangers, Miguel. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow…but someday…and I’ll need you, as I always did…” -he snorted, pretty sure you’re messing with him right now-
Miguel slumped on his chair again, a hand brushing the screen where he looked at this variant of you, there is still so much to say…but you’re right, and it’s time to let this version of you go and rest for good.
“You know you’re my best friend, right?” -his eyes landed on yours, making you smile and nod-
“And you know I’ll never forget you, correct?” -this time your eyes rolled, nodding again-
“I know…” -he sighed, there is just one more thing he needs to let out, looking down at his own hands. If he had picked up what you said properly…then…-
“You just said…that you loved me. Did you…did she… know that I loved her?” -he knows it’s a difficult question, but maybe…just maybe, a part of you did know that whatever he felt for you wasn’t exactly labeled as just a friendship anymore. It hadn’t for quite some time-
Part of his heart died that day…the part that belonged to you…
The hologram smiled again, slowly showing your hand to sign at him, the “I love you” sign right there on his face. He sighed and mimicked, fingers “touching” right at the tips before you moved back and spoke again.
“I think you know the answer…” -he rolled his eyes, lacing his own fingers underneath his chin-
“Cryptic, as always…” -you laughed in silence, watching the face on the screen mimic the same movement-
This is you, of course, he would find you in those features…and yet…
“Do you think…she can love me too? I mean…” -your head was already shaking, hands easing him down once more-
“One step at a time, Miguel…” -you’re right, as always. He nodded and slumped on his chair, he knows this moment is more than just a come clean from both of you-
“You’re leaving…right?” -the sadness on your face showed what he needed to know, a small nod was all that it took-
“I can stay…if you want me to…”
“No…no, it’s ok. I’ve been…stealing more time than I should have. I need to let you go, you held me through deep and dark, you can rest now” -the hologram moved up, sighing and “stretching” a bit-
Miguel also stood up, face to face with this memory. He smiled down and moved his hand, it touched anything, but your form snuggled against it and held it there against your face for a moment.
“It’s ok…you can let go now” -your eyes locked on his, and with a nod, you moved back, waving your hand one last time-
“Go and be happy…” -he stood there as the hologram started to disintegrate, it didn’t take long, and soon, there was nothing behind. Not a trace of this memory, except for the pictures and videos it came from-
Miguel took a deep breath and looked at the screen one more time, he marked down the coordinates and closed the control panel.
It’s not going to be today, maybe not anytime soon, he’s not ready for this.
He will mourn you properly, and just then...he’ll go to find this other version of you.
This time…he won’t be late anymore…
It was such a beautiful day to be walking around the park, sunny and fresh with the wind, Autumn is close, and you can’t wait to have your favorite Cinnamon Spice coffee from Mermaid Café.
You sighed deeply as your sundress flows around, this being the first day off you take in weeks, and you want to be outside as much as you can, too bad your friends couldn’t make it for the trip to the beach, but that won’t stop you from going the next weekend.
You looked around the green area, families and children running everywhere, who could tell that Nova York could be so peaceful? You breathed deeply and closed your eyes for a moment, relishing the smell in the air as your back eased against a bench.
“Excuse me…” -you snap out of your slumber, blinking and looking up…way up! To the tall figure above you-
This man is so tall!
“Yes?” -you manage to speak without stuttering, a strange but endearing blush covers his confused face-
“Ah…sorry to bother you. I’m new in this area, and it seems I got lost. I’m looking for the Museum. I heard they have a new exhibit…” -you sighed and nodded, of course, he’s not from around, no one this tall and…chiseled would go by missing in this city. Your hand extended and pointed to the far exit from behind the bench-
“You need to go that way. There is a clear path with signs that shows the way to the museum, if you follow them correctly, you’ll get there in no time” -he followed the track and nodded, giving you a soft smile-
“I see, thank you. I thought I would get used to the city in no time, but it seems like I can still get lost” -your curiosity perked up, humming in thought-
“Are you from far away?” -his eyes focused on yours, deep and brown with a hint of red, nothing too extravagant for the fashion nowadays, but his eyes seemed lost, a bit conflicted also-
“Yeah…I come from a very far place” -you sighed, making conversations with strangers is not your biggest asset, you looked down and fidgeted with your fingers a bit, trying to ease another comment-
“The exhibit you’re talking about…it’s a timed show, there won’t be another one until a couple of hours” -his eyebrows jumped, and he tapped his watch, the holographic screen showing the info he should know. The man groaned and tapped the watch away-
“Ah…I misread the time. Guess I’ll have to wait longer” -you chuckled, not knowing if he was trying to hint something or truly mistook his time. He looks nice enough to have a conversation, maybe it’s worth the shot-
“I was…thinking about getting a coffee nearby. Would you like to join me? You know, to make time…” -this is not you, you never take the first step, but he smiled and nodded, relaxing into the conversation-
“Sound like a good idea. Thank you” -you nodded, already taking your purse to stand up when he showed a hand, helping you just a bit as you took it, feeling how small your hand is in comparison-
Your bag dropped and you both quickly leaned down to pick it up, but he was faster and showed it back as you stood up, your hand moved on its own.
“Ah, thank you!” -you followed the word with a movement of your hand touching your chin and falling before taking the bag, his eyes widened in surprise-
“You can sign?” -he did the same, talking and creating the words with his own big hands, making you blush deeply, both in surprise and shyness-
“Y-yes, my dad…he is…” -he smiled back, a smile that talked about a fondness for the discovery, nodding once before you could continue-
“It’s ok, no need to explain me…unless you want to…” -you sighed deeply, still blushing a bit at the whole encounter-
You don’t know this man…but somehow, he feels familiar to you, like some sort of lost friend. You cleared your throat, remembering why you are standing awkwardly in front of his tall frame.
“Oh! Right, coffee! The place is right there, follow me…uh…” -you frowned, at least you should ask this man’s name before letting him follow you to one of your favorite places-
He smiled softly, easing his hands into his jean’s pockets, you must never know how sweaty his hand got from just talking to you.
“Miguel, nice to meet you” -you smiled at him, nodding with your head before telling him your name and grabbing the strap of your purse-
“Let’s go, then. It’s always nice to meet someone new around this big city, don’t you think?” -you beamed at him, the height difference making you feel like a teenager next to him. He chuckled, walking at an easy pace next to you as you both left the park-
“Yeah…it’ll be nice to meet you” -Miguel smiled to himself, this might be his best worst mistake ever, but he’ll carry the weight of this decision, not regretting a single bit-
Not every day life gives you a second chance…and he’ll make the most of it…
Guess life goes on…