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"Alright! So, how does it feel?" Hinata asked, after connecting the prosthesis with Komaeda's arm. He took a step back to give Komaeda more personal space.
Komaeda inspected the machine. He felt the coldness of the material on his skin. He moved the fingers, creating a mechanical sound. It moved perfectly. It was strange. Like it shouldn't be there.
"Heavy," he just answered.
"Really?" Hinata asked, confusion written on his face. "I'm sure I perfectly adapted it to your body.. Maybe I could.."
Komaeda loudly exhaled and Hinata stopped talking.
"Heavier than the last arm I had," he explained.
"Oh," was Hinata’s response. He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, the last hand you had wasn’t very well suited.”
Komaeda laid his new hand in his lap, annoyance rising inside of him. “Not suited to my body? Or not suited to me?”
Hinata looked back at him with an uncomfortable expression on his face. He didn’t like the implication of that question. “You know what I mean..”
Komaeda smiled, though the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m afraid not. Do tell me what you mean.” The other groaned. Hinata expected a reaction like this. That didn’t mean he felt any less troubled by it.
“You are not like her. You.. are a better person than she was. Than she could have ever been.”
“I am nothing but trash, Hinata-kun.”
Komaeda’s empty smile always made Hinata uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to back down.
Hinata sat down on the bed next to him, slowly, to make sure Komaeda was okay with being that close to the other. “You are not trash. You are just.. different.” He immediately cringed after saying that.
“Different?” Komaeda exhaled. He seemed slightly amused. It wasn’t the worst thing he was ever called.
Hinata took his time to think of an answer and Komaeda let him. For a few minutes only the ticking of the clock disturbed the silence between them. Komaeda didn’t bother to look at the clock. Time had become meaningless for him.
He looked out of the window of the hospital room. He saw Mioda and Soda walking past the building in the direction of the Titty Typhoon. Apparently, they were trying to rebuild it. The true Jabberwock Island wasn’t as functional as the version in the simulation. At least that’s what he was told. He didn’t really look around. It didn’t matter to Komaeda anyway.
He spent the last days in the hospital. Since the rotting arm was taken off, Hinata and Tsumiki watched over his wound to make sure everything healed fine. And as soon as it looked good enough Hinata brought him a replacement.
As if he could just replace what happened. Komaeda clutched the blanket firmly.
It was truly sickening.
Then, Hinata started talking, and Komaeda had almost forgot he was waiting for an answer.
“You went through a lot in your life. Even if what you told me back then was a lie, I can still tell you experienced things that most people do not. That made you different. There is nothing wrong with that.”
Hinata was so careful with his words now. Komaeda wasn’t sure if he liked that.
He hummed, thinking over the answer before replying: “You had quite the experience yourself, Hinata-kun. A Reserve Course student. An experiment. Now the hero that saved us all,” the last words sounded mocking. All of it did, in a way. “You are the Ultimate Hope now. That certainly makes you ‘different’ as well.”
“I’m not a hero. Nor am I the Ultimate Hope,” Hinata said. He looked troubled in some way. Komaeda didn’t understand why.
“How humble of you,” Komaeda chuckled, but it sounded hollow. “What are you then?”
“I’m just me,” Hinata shrugged off.
“That is not an answer.”
Hinata raised his eyebrow. “It is an answer. Just not the one you’re looking for.”
Komaeda looked back at him thoughtfully. He furrowed his eyebrows and chewed on his lower lip, as he always does when he feels bothered by something. One of his many bad traits.
Hinata sat still, giving Komaeda time to think. Eventually, Komaeda continued.
“You wanted to be special, right? What has changed? Have you, maybe, finally realized how futile it is to think you could be anything else than a normal, talentless person? No matter what those scientists did to your body, you can never create true hope.”
“You-“ Hinata exclaimed but then stopped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, teeth gritted, and hands clenched into fists. When he opened his eyes he saw a smug expression on Komaeda’s face, clearly pleased with getting a reaction out of Hinata.
“Tell me, Komaeda. Will there ever be an end to it? An end to this whole hope and despair fight? Hope won. All traces of Enoshima are gone, and the world is finally able to rebuild itself. It’s all you wanted. And yet you are not satisfied.”
Komaeda looked down at his new hand. Just a few days ago he still saw his normal hand there. An illusion of it at least. Then he woke up and was reminded of the truth as he saw sharp red nails. They were in almost perfect shape, as he took care of them. Hiding them under a soft mitten so they wouldn’t break.
Why Komaeda did it he honestly couldn’t tell. He hated her more than anything. And yet…
“I never thought I would live long enough. I shouldn’t have survived this long.” He looked up again. “You said all traces of Enoshima are gone. But that’s not true. We are still here.”
Komaeda looked at Hinata with a judgmental expression. As if them being alive was offending Komaeda. Maybe it was. After everything that happened, and after what Komaeda tried to do in the simulation. He organized his own death and planned to take the others with him.
It was hard to talk about it and Hinata wished he could just ignore it and they all could start a new life. But he realized it wasn’t that easy. Especially not with Komaeda.
And he already learned that running away from the truth was never a good option.
“You still think we should have died?” Hinata asked.
“What point is there in us staying alive?” Komaeda countered. “It would have been better to get rid of despair completely.”
“Because it was not our fault. We didn’t choose to become Ultimate Despair.”
“Are you saying all the things we have caused don’t mean anything?”
“Of course not! That’s not what I’m saying!” Hinata said, almost yelling and causing Komaeda to twitch from the sudden outburst.
Hinata grimaced. He really wanted to keep his composure. But it was for nothing. Komaeda still managed to get under his skin so easily.
He looked down. At this moment he didn’t want to see Komaeda’s face. Was he proud? Shocked? Maybe even scared? He couldn’t see it.
They sat there in silence for a minute. Hinata breathed in deeply, trying to think of what he should answer.
He then tried again. “What we did was horrible. But we did it because we were manipulated. Of course, we can’t just ignore our actions but…” he halted.
Komaeda stayed silent. Hinata still didn’t look up, so he couldn’t see the other’s expression. So, he just continued.
“Naegi worked so hard to get us out of there. To save us from despair. He fought for us when everyone else wanted to see us dead. Because he had hope that we could be better people. Because he thought that we deserve another chance.”
He finally looked up. Komaeda stared at Hinata with brooding eyes. But he stayed silent.
“Listen, I want to help you. I really do. But I know this is not something I can force onto you. And I don’t want to either. I think you went through enough without having a choice.
“You have to choose this on your own terms.
“No one is happy about what happened. You might think we just forgot and pretend that everything is fine. But we don’t. We all deal with it in our own way.
“You called me a ‘hero’, but I think I have barely changed. I’m still insecure about myself. Maybe even more than before. How could I not be? It was my own insecurities that made me make stupid decision that caused.. all of that!” Hinata waved his hands around, indicating that he was talking about the whole situation they were in.
“I know I’m always talking big about our new future, but the truth is even I don’t know what kind of future we can even have. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try.”
With that Hinata stood up. “I should go now. You can think about what I said. You don’t need to give me an answer now. But please, consider it. We all would welcome you back.”
The look Komaeda gave him almost looked wistful. He turned his head away from Hinata to the window, where he watched a few of his former classmates walking by and laughing together.
Hinata waited for a few seconds but them decided leave. At the door he stopped and looked at Komaeda, who still had his back turned to him. “It’s not too late to have hope, you know?”
Komaeda didn’t say anything, but for a second Hinata thought he saw a hint of a smile in the reflection of the window.