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Hartley loved the idea of soulmates. The fact that the first words they said to you were imprinted on your skin. It was romantic. When she looked at her words it reminded her of her parents. They had similar words. They always told her how they met and it was like the world around them shook. They described it like the world had finally clicked into place for them. Even when they died she never doubted they were happy wherever they were. She hoped something like that happened when she met her own soulmate.
She was currently walking into her new school. Valley View High. It always sucked being the new kid, a feeling Hartley was unfortunately familiar with. She got inside being mostly ignored aside from a few stares but at least it wasn’t too intense. Then something in the atmosphere shifted. The hallway had gotten quiet, people had moved against the lockers and cleared a path. Hartley looked around and saw that everyone was looking behind her. She turned to see what they were looking at.
It was a girl. A brunette with hair that went a little ways past her shoulders. Hartley was stunned. She couldn’t take her eyes off her. She looked into her eyes and… woah. The girls eyes were a greenish hazel, there was something swirling inside them. A look of determination and something Hartley couldn’t quite name.
Hartley was so in her head she didn’t notice the girl getting closer. They bumped into each other, taking Hartley out of her trance and stopping the girl in her tracks.
“My bad, didn’t see you there.” The girl said, looking into Hartley’s eyes and she froze. The world didn’t shake, it slowed. Suddenly everything around them disappeared, it felt like it was only them. They looked at each other for a second, Hartley tried to speak but her voice failed her. Her mouth was just opening and closing and she felt her face getting hot, the girl just looked at her. She’s never felt so terrified in her life.
The girl then turned to look around, she seemed satisfied at the way everyone around them was silent. Fearing what she’d do next. She walked off quickly followed by a group of people trying to get her to talk about what happened. Hartley stood in the same spot watching as she walked down the hall and turned the corner.
That girl was her soulmate. And she didn’t say anything! She couldn’t speak when that was the whole premise of soulmates! She walked to her locker putting books in and thinking about what happened. It seemed like the most popular girl in her new school was her soulmate. She was doomed.
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After 3 classes that were excruciatingly long it was lunch. Hartley expected to sit in the back corner and not be noticed but she was called over by a boy with a few others at the table. “Yo, new girl!”
She walked over and sat down. “Thanks for letting me sit here.”
“It’s no problem. I’m Jake, this is my girlfriend Judith, and our friend Milo.” Judith waved at her with a smile; she happily returned. Milo looked up at her, acknowledged her existence, and went back to the notebook he was writing in. “Don’t mind him. He’s working on some science project.” Hartley nodded and went to eat her food.
“What happened in the hallway this morning? I heard you bumped into Amy.” Judith spoke up. Her name’s Amy.
“Wait, what happened with my sister?”
“Sister?” Hartley looked at Jake as he nodded.
“Yeah it sucks. Everyone thinks she’s soooo awesome. It’s all an act. She’s the devil incarnate.” Hartley found it hard to believe. Sure she hasn’t talked to her, but she didn’t think she seemed bad. Then again she could be blinded by the fact that they could be soulmates.
“I don’t think she’s that bad. She just bumped into me in the hallway. She apologized afterwards too. Kinda.” Jake and Judith both gave her a look. “What?”
“Listen. Amy is someone who will cut your throat for looking at her the wrong way. I wouldn’t try anything.” Jake told her. Hartley was about to say something until a random boy came up to their table.
“Jake! My dude, buddy boy, listen here pal. I’m gonna be blunt. Can you give me Amy’s number? I need to talk with her so I can ask her out. So if you don’t mind.” He held out his hand to Jake expectantly.
Jake stared at it, then at the boy. “Why don’t you go ask yourself? I’m sure she’ll say yes.” He had a condescending tone while he said it. “Go ahead, actually no. Go big. You have to show her how much you appreciate her. She’ll love it.” Jake smiled, giving the boy an encouraging pat on the back. The boy left looking eager. Hartley was appalled.
“Why would you tell him that? Would Amy actually say yes to something like that? What about their soulmates?” Hartley tried not to sound too worried. Especially at the soulmate question. She hadn’t even spoken to Amy but she didn’t want anyone else going after her.
“Hell no. It’s just funny watching guy after guy try and fail to ask Amy out. They don’t even care about their soulmates. It’s not like they have a chance anyway.” Hartley let out a breath at his words.
The day continued on until it was over. While Hartley walked to her house she replayed every moment in her head. She may have met her soulmate. It should’ve been the happiest day of her life. It would’ve been, if she didn’t feel this over looming anxiety. Her soulmate was Amy Madden (she learned her last name from Jake) but she couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t Amy’s. How could she be? She was just her and Amy was Amy. She’s heard of cases where their words didn’t match up. It could happen with her. What if Amy was straight. It’s a possibility, Hartley only hoped the odds were in her favor.
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After a few days she didn’t have any interactions with Amy. It was lunch again and she was sitting with her friends laughing at a joke from Milo. When he wasn’t focused on some project he was a pretty chill guy. Their conversation was interrupted with a few cheerleaders bursting through the cafeteria doors. Music started blasting throughout the room. Everyone’s attention went to the girls. They were in a line holding up cards. They did a few flips and tricks while lining up. Then they all flipped their cards spelling the words ‘Amy will you go out with’ and the boy from a few days ago came up to fill the last space. ‘Me?’
Everyone was dead silent during this. Hartley couldn’t help but gasp, “What the-” Judith put her hand over her mouth before she could continue. Half the room's attention went to her, including Amy’s. They made eye contact again. She looked at her while getting up and walking towards the boy. She didn’t break eye contact until she reached him.
“You know, I’m getting really tired of this Tommy.” She started.
“My names-” the boy tried to correct her but Amy wouldn’t let him go on.
“I don’t care.” She said putting her hand in front of him, effectively shutting him up. “I’m done repeating myself. I’m gay. Get it through your thick skull.” She knocked on his head as she said it. She looked back at Hartley, then around at everyone and walked off without another word. Her posse followed not far behind as everything else just returned to normal.
Once everyone started talking again she spoke, “What was that?”
“Every few weeks some guy tries to go after Amy. This one put up more of a show.” Milo answered.
“She said she was gay though.” Hartley couldn’t control how she felt about that. She actually had a chance. Maybe.
“That doesn’t stop them from trying and failing miserably.” Jake stepped in.
“Have any girls tried?” Hartley found herself asking.
“No. I mean would you? You’d have to be an idiot to do it like they do.” He said pointing to the boy now sulking in a corner.
Hartley felt even worse about this whole situation. She might have a chance. But she wasn’t sure if she could handle the rejection. Jake gave her a weird look, like he was figuring something out. Just as he was about to ask her something, the bell rang. Hartley got her things and threw away her lunch. She walked out the doors stopping at her locker.
“What was up with the staring?” Jake said from behind her. Hartley jumped as she turned to look at him.
“What staring?” She said, acting like she had no clue what he was referring to.
“You and Amy. She barely took her eyes off you.” He crossed his arms. It was evident he wasn’t going to drop this so Hartley sighed.
“I honestly don’t know. I think she’s my soulmate.” She whispered it to him, scared someone would hear. If someone found out, she’d be the crazy new girl. Even though she couldn’t help but think it was the truth. With how Amy looked at her. It made her feel warm. Maybe Amy felt the same.
“Your what?!” Jake whisper-shouted.
“I don’t know! I mean, just look!” She rolled up her short sleeve shirt revealing the words that were barely showing. Jake’s eyes widened when he read it.
“Dude. You have to be careful. I love my sister, but I also know her.” Hartley nodded sadly at his warning, she had hoped something encouraging would come out his mouth.
“Listen, I can’t help you out with this, but I know how you can try and talk to her.” Hartley perked up at this. The heavy looming anxiety in her wouldn’t go away, she needed to talk to Amy.
“There’s a party going on at one of my friend's houses. Amy never misses a party. You could talk to her there.” Hartley smiled and thanked him, she was already devising a plan in her head.
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A little while after that conversation Hartley was sitting in the courtyard since she had study hall. She didn't have any work so she was just sitting there to pass time by herself. A girl came up to her and stood in front of her. She looked up from the book she was reading. “Can I help you?”
“Yes, by telling me what’s up with you. Usually new kids are free for all so, why are you different?” The girl started leaning over her. Hartley looked around for an escape but she couldn’t find one.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She answered sincerely. The girl flipped her black hair and scoffed.
“I beg to differ, there’s no way something isn’t going-” She was interrupted by familiar sounding boots coming from behind her. It was Amy.
Amy walked over and stared at Gem. “Gem. Didn’t I say the new girl was off limits.” She didn’t say it like a question, she stated it like it was a fact.
“I-I wasn’t doing anything, I was just trying to make a new friend.” Amy just looked at her.
“Are you sure about that?” She started inspecting her nails, she seemed to be bored of this situation.
“Yeah! Right?” She looked at Hartley like she was trying to get her to help. Hartley stayed quiet and shrugged. She felt Amy’s eyes on her and felt her face get hot.
Amy watched her reaction and looked back at Gem. “3, 2-” Gem was gone before she finished counting down.
Then it was just them. Amy knelt down to get to Hartley’s eye level. She tilted her head like she was expecting her to say something. Hartley was too distracted by how cute her head tilt was. Like holy cow it was so freaking adorable, especially with Amy’s doe eyes. Hartley couldn’t think of a sentence so she said the first thing that came to mind. “Pretty.”
Amy’s sharp breath intake was all Hartley needed. She knew. They both knew. Now they were just sitting here staring into each other's eyes. Amy stood up abruptly and walked off. All Hartley could do was watch. Every bone in her body told her to say something, anything. She needed to bring her back, it hurt watching her leave. She should’ve been prepared but she wasn’t expecting it to happen today. The rejection hurt even more because of it.
On the walk home she cried. Hartley cried because she put her heart in the hands of a stranger. Because she hoped for something she knew could’ve gone wrong and it did.
She hates it, herself, those stupid green eyes, the words on her arm, that brown hair. She kept crying once she reached her room. She curled up on her bed and grabbed a pillow to cry into. The thing she hated the most was the fact that for a split second she thought Amy would lean in. Reality sucks. She wished the bed under her would swallow her and never let her go.
She spent the entire day laying there, crying more when she thought of everything that happened. Ignoring when her grandma came up to talk to her. She just shooed her away and told her she’d be fine. She would be, she just had to process and then she’d be able to go to school and ignore everything around her aside from her classes. She would be ok.
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Ignoring it didn’t work. News spread on what happened to Gem, no one dared to even look Hartley’s way. It was weird considering how she heard whispering everywhere she went. The entire day was off putting.
“Hartley!” She heard her name being called and looked at the source. Jake had called her name waving his hand in her face.
“What?” Hartley replied a bit dazed. She must’ve zoned out.
“I was asking you about the party. Are you going? It’s tonight.” Right. That. She didn’t want to go, with everything that happened. She wasn’t really in a party mood.
She voiced her thoughts to him. Judith jumped into the convo, “I think you should go, it could cheer you up. We’ll stay by your side and if you get uncomfortable then we’ll leave.” Hartley smiled at her words. She decided to go with their encouragement. They went back to their lunches while Hartley planned how she could stay away from Amy.
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The party was… a party. Hartley had never been to one so she didn’t know what to expect. Something about it felt off, like there was something missing. Jake and Judith, true to their word, stuck with her until she told them to go. She felt bad about them having to follow her around. She reassured them it was fine and they went off somewhere leaving Hartley in an ocean of teenagers. She went to the kitchen to get something to drink and to get away from all the people bumping into her.
She entered the kitchen and grabbed water out of a cooler. It wasn’t completely empty but it was calm enough for her to just stand in a corner and not be bothered. She stayed there hugging herself hoping no one would try and talk to her. Suddenly the party shifted. People got quieter, there were a lot of hushed conversations. She had a feeling she knew what happened. Amy got here.
Once Amy got there the party ramped up. The music was louder, the lights got darker. It was like the party came to life once she arrived. Hartley did her best to ignore it, tried to ignore her. But of course the universe hated her. Amy and a new group of people came into the kitchen. It was dark but Amy’s face stood out. She was literally standing in a beam of light from the LED’s that were set up. It illuminated her face in red. Gosh, she was so beautiful. Hartley couldn’t take her eyes off her.
Amy looked up. Right at Hartley. She couldn’t breathe. Amy looked like she wanted to go over to her but she was surrounded. Hartley had to leave the room or else she felt like she’d pass out. She had to catch her breath.
She walked upstairs to find a room to calm down in. There were a lot since the guy that lived here was apparently loaded. She found one that had a balcony and walked out. She sat down in front of the railing. She took the chance to breathe. Looking out, it had an amazing view. The stars lit up the sky so perfectly, the trees underneath framed it beautifully. She didn’t know how long she was there but she was brought out of her trance by a voice. “Woah.”
She looked behind her. It was Amy, of course it was. She was looking at the sky too. She walked over and stood beside Hartley. After a moment she looked down at her. She smiled. Hartley thought it was the prettiest thing in the world, it rivaled the stars in front of her. Amy sat down next to her.
“Hi.” Amy said, looking back at the sky.
Hartley waved, not knowing what to say. They sat there in silence and it got Hartley’s mind racing. What did Amy want? Why did she come out here?
Hartley blurted out one of the questions that kept coming back to the front of her mind. “Why’d you leave?”
Amy didn’t respond for a minute. She understood what Hartley was referring to. It seemed like she was thinking of an answer. She shrugged and said, “I just needed to process.”
Hartley’s brows furrowed in confusion. She had a feeling that what Amy said wasn’t what was going on. “Process that I’m your soulmate?”
“Yeah.” Amy looked at her and Hartley finally figured out what that look in her eyes was. She was trying to give off a confident aura but Hartley saw through it. She was scared.
“Are you disappointed that I’m your soulmate?” Hartley found herself asking.
“No. Of course not.” Amy’s response was still guarded. She was hiding.
“Are you scared?” Amy scoffed.
“No, I’m not scared.” Amy mocked her. Hartley didn’t take any offense to it. She figured it was because she was getting closer to the truth.
“Then what are you hiding?” She was direct with her question.
“I’m not hiding anything.”
“It seems like you are.”
“Well I’m not.” Amy started to get aggravated. Hartley kept pushing.
“Why did you leave?” Hartley asked again.
“I just told you-”
“No. Amy, why did you leave?” Hartley punctuated each word.
“Because I had to process. That’s it.” Amy said with finality.
“What were you processing?” She was repeating herself. It seemed to aggravate Amy.
“I don’t know! I really don’t know why I walked away! I don’t think I wanted to! I assumed that- that you would be upset? I don’t know!” Amy had brought her knees to her chest.
“Why would you think that I would be upset?” Hartley wanted to reach out and touch Amy but she decided against it. She didn’t know what she needed right now.
“I don’t know.” Amy’s voice was so small as she said it.
“What do you know?”
Amy waited a moment before replying, “That you’re my soulmate. And that I really want to know you. But if we did turn into something then I’d…” As she trailed off Amy had somehow burrowed further into herself. Like she wanted to hide from this conversation. A puzzle piece clicked into place.
“So you walked away… because you were worried you would mess things up?” Amy shrugged, she was trying to put her walls back up. Hartley had just started to crack them.
“I think you should see how things start before you assume how they end.” Amy looked up at her, Hartley tried reading her but there were too many emotions across her face. Hartley looked down into her lap, fiddling with her fingers as she nervously asked, “Do you want to see how things start?”
She looked back up at Amy. There were two distinct emotions in her eyes. Fear and hope. Amy shrugged again and sighed. “I don’t-”
“Don’t say you don’t know.” Hartley said, cutting her off.
“What if I mess up?”
“Then we’ll get through it together.”
“What if you find out I’m not worth it?”
“You will always be worth it. I’ve got the words to prove it.” Hartley rolled up her sleeves revealing the words on her skin.
Amy smiled a little. But then her face went back to the sad expression from before. “But what if-”
“Amy.” Hartley turned her body so she was facing her. “Stop thinking about what could go wrong. I’ve found out that it only leads to pressuring yourself and then it leaves you assuming things and then you never get out of the habit. Amy, I want to be something with you. I want you.”
“I want you too.”
“That’s good. Do you want to see how things start?” Amy turned and looked at Hartley. She nodded and Hartley stretched out her arm grabbing Amy’s hand. She showed no protest.
Amy gradually gravitated closer towards Hartley until their shoulders were touching. She hesitantly rested her head on Hartley’s shoulder who welcomed the touch, they sat there looking at the stars.
How they got there wasn’t perfect. The moment wasn’t either. But it was a start for them. They had all the time in the world. They were together, that’s what mattered the most.