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scary couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard she tried. not after everything.
after willy teleported away from the church and hermie and taylor’s dad had taken care of all the doodler’s acolytes, they took the night to recuperate in the catbus. it’s a good thing the doodler- dude- had bonded with the catbus. they had fallen asleep while petting it, and it was purring up a storm from the affection, making the bus extra warm and comfortable. it’s nice, and helps the physical exhaustion she feels from
everything that happened with the doodler… taking a physical form today. the purring also makes for a comfortingly predictable rhythm of sound that blocks everything else out, a soft lull that makes scary feel as safe as she could possibly feel right now.
but she still couldn’t sleep.
she was just tossing and turning. in her peripheral vision she saw link and taylor snoring away, not far from normal, who was leaning on hermie’s shoulder. god, she wishes she could sleep like that.
she thought about putting the sleeping cap on, but- whenever she did that she always saw him there. that fuckwad, willy. god, she felt stupid for ever trusting him, or wanting to confide in him, or seeing a… father figure in him.
she’s lost any chance of having that now, hasn’t she.
she couldn’t do anything right- and anything she did do right would never be enough to deserve it.
it’s all too much to think about. she just wants to forget. to not care. and if that means seeing willy again- well, whatever. he’ll probably just ignore her anyways. she considers whether she can cast spells while in her dream state. if not, she could just punch him right in the face.
she puts the cap on.
when scary puts the sleeping cap on, she ends up in the same place.
to her great relief, she sees someone new. the old man she became when they found that weird time-thing at the church of the doodler. her step-step-grandpa, she guesses.
okay, so she feels relief tinged with annoyance, a little bit of disgust, and… comfort? ugh, where is that coming from?
he looks around, confused- he seems surprised by his surroundings, and then while cocking his head around, he sees her. his eyes widen with what scary can tell is recognition, and… something else that she can’t quite make out. but it’s not bad.
‘it’s you.’
that hits a raw nerve, and frustration washes over her. she grimaces.
‘…who even is ‘me’ anymore?’
this guy… ron, she remembers, he looks regretful. he starts to stumble over his next words.
‘well, you’re you. you, uh, might not know who you is right now, but you’re going to figure it out. you’re a smart girl, i know you will.’
on those last few words, his tone of voice changes to something familiar, too familiar. it hits on a fresh wound. her heart sinks a little- out of (what she wants to think is) dread. or resentment. just… anything but sadness.
she’s drawn out of her thoughts by the change in his cadence as ron says ‘and for now, you are you. and you’re always gonna be you, and that’s enough, kiddo.’
that bit doesn’t help, but scary’s heart warms a bit at the attempt. ugh. she hates this feeling.
out of nowhere, ron snaps his fingers, and looks a lot happier all of a sudden. ‘oh- oh yeah! by the way, terry says he loves you, and also hi. oh, hi, i’m ron. you might’ve heard of me, my name gets around, just like me. heheh.’
(he tried to sound cool with that, she could tell. it came out a little smug, but just… more awkward than anything. not that she really processed the words that he was saying after that first sentence. so she ignored them.)
‘could you, uh…’ she could feel tears coming on, the familiar tension and blur behind her eyes that she hated, because it meant that she cared, and she didn’t want to, damn it. it hurt.
ron looked at her patiently, waiting. she steeled herself.
‘… tell terry i said hi, too, or…’
she chokes up. she shoves down anything else she wanted to say- she can’t find words for it anyways.
‘yeah, whatever. just hi.’
ron smiles. ‘okay. oh, and remember: you’re enough-‘
scary’s eyes widen as another voice starts to impose itself over ron’s. he puts his hands on her shoulders, and she swears she sees a flash of a painfully familiar face donning a warm smile.
‘-as you are.’
—
she wakes up with a sense of peace. it feels weird. she wants to hate it, and tries to think of everything that’s been going wrong lately. everything that makes it hard to be her.
there’s a lot of bad feelings, but she still doesn’t hate that peace.
she also feels stronger. her hands are warm in a familiar way. her patron bond was broken, but maybe…
sure enough, when she looks at them, they’re glowing with magic.
everyone else is still sleeping, and the sky is dark. sneaking out of the catbus, the first thing she sees is the smattering of stars littering the dark blue sky- not pitch black, like she’s used to.
the stars are pretty. pretty cool looking, she guesses. she used to read about how stars were - are balls of fire, basically, and that’s pretty damn cool. she doesn’t want to stop looking at them.
so she doesn’t, as she lets the magic coalesce in her hands.
she can’t quite control the feeling that arises in her as she’s looking up at those stars that maybe… things are gonna be alright.