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Stefan was sat at Colin’s kitchen island. Lay across it was a sewing needle, a silver hoop earring, a tray of ice cubes, a lighter, a knife and a green apple. Stefan had been staring at them warily whilst Colin prepared himself for the procedure.
He downed a shot of whiskey, before offering one to Stefan, who refused. “Are you sure that’s safe, Colin?”
“Of course,” he replied. “It will steady my hands.” Stefan wasn’t sure how much he believed Colin, but he didn’t bother arguing. He just wanted to get this over with.
He didn’t even know why he was doing this in the first place. Well, he did, but it was too pathetic to admit. It was Colin’s idea to pierce his ear, he had said one day that it would suit him and then he hadn’t stopped talking about it since. All it took was one drink and Colin would be practically begging Stefan to let him pierce his ear and Stefan eventually had to give in. He could never refuse Colin.
And that’s why he was sat there, in Colin Ritman’s kitchen, letting him give him a piercing.
Colin walked over with a joint between his lips. He pulled an ice cube from the tray and placed it against Stefan’s ear. A droplet of water snaked across his jaw and down his neck, making Stefan shiver. This was the last thing he needed. Colin standing this close to him, spiking his heart rate when he was already on edge.
He took the joint from between Colin’s lips, placed it between his own and took a long drag. Colin chuckled. “Told you that you would get the hang of that,” he mused. Stefan grinned. “I need it to calm my nerves.”
“You’re nervous?” Colin teased, placing his thumb behind Stefan’s ear as to apply pressure with the ice cube. Stefan leaned slightly into his palm. “I’m not sure if I can trust you.”
Colin looked almost-offended and Stefan felt a pang of regret in his chest. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant to say-“ Colin had dropped what remained of the melting ice, placing his hands on either side of Stefan’s face. “I want you to trust me,” he said.
Stefan felt his breath catch in his throat. Here was Colin Ritman, standing practically between his legs, his hands on his face, his breath hot on Stefan’s skin. It was making Stefan feel dizzy. “I trust you,” he told Colin, and it was true. No matter how nervous he was, no matter how many drinks Colin had beforehand, Stefan trusted him.
Colin grinned slyly. It made Stefan frustrated, in a way. Colin was rarely vulnerable, and it irritated Stefan how quickly he was able to hide behind a grin or a smirk.
Stefan had only ever seen Colin really vulnerable once. It was in the summer of 1986, when their first game that they made together came out. They had been sat in Stefan’s living room watching Microplay and Robin had given their game a 5/5 stars. Colin’s first 5/5 stars. He had grabbed Stefan’s hand with his eyes on the telly, as if he hadn’t even realised he had done it. Stefan had started, blushing a deep pink as he watched a smile spread across Colin’s face. “My first five stars,” he had uttered in wonder.
Stefan had leant his head on Colin’s shoulder, interlocking their fingers and squeezing tightly. “It’s been a long time coming,” he had said, and Colin had looked down at him in a way that had given Stefan butterflies. And they had been so close that Stefan had felt like he was breathing in Colin’s air. And there had been something so soft in Colin’s eyes, something that Stefan hadn’t seen before or since. But that too was quickly hidden as Colin had jumped up with a grin and a proclamation that he was going to get absolutely shit-faced.
Whilst Stefan had been lost in thought, Colin had cut the apple into slices, giving one to Stefan and placing one in his own mouth. Stefan held it tentatively behind his ear. He could feel his hands beginning to shake and he took another long drag of Colin’s joint.
“Getting nervous?” Colin asked, after swallowing his apple slice. Stefan had let himself watch Colin’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed, bobbing down then up. He really was pathetic.
Stefan shook his head and Colin nodded in approval. “Good boy,” he said. Stefan didn’t even want to admit how that made him feel. Very horny, on one hand, but also kind of like melting into a puddle. If that made sense.
Colin brought the lighter to the needle, ‘sterilising’ it, then held it in line with Stefan’s ear. “Ready?” He asked and Stefan nodded. Colin braced himself, placing one hand on Stefan’s waist to keep him steady. It made Stefan feel lightheaded.
“Alright. Deep breath in,” Colin told him. Stefan nodded one more time, squeezing his eyes shut and inhaling deeply, the joint long-forgotten between his fingers.
He felt a sharp pain in his ear, felt the needle go through his skin and finally pierce the apple slice behind it. He creaked one eye open. Colin looked with wide eyes at his ear, and then proudly at Stefan.
“Well done Stefan,” he announced. “You’ve officially been penetrated.” Stefan winced, as if in pain. “Don’t say that,” he warned. Colin cocked his head. “Really?” He replied, in what Stefan could tell was sarcasm. “Definitely,” Stefan said back.
Secretly, Colin’s innuendos were kind of freeing. He was the only person who knew that Stefan was gay and a virgin and it was somewhat fun to have someone he could freely make jokes like this with. As someone who thought that he would suffer alone for his whole life, any reminder that Colin knew he was gay and cared for him regardless was a welcome one.
Colin grinned, grabbed the hoop and threaded it through the fresh hole in Stefan’s ear. He heard the sharp click as the earring came together and then Colin stepped back to admire his work.
“I knew it would suit you,” he stated, and Stefan felt his cheeks get warmer. “You should do yours,” Stefan remarked. “We could match.”
“You should do mine,” Colin replied, and Stefan immediately shook his head. “No way, I should not be given that responsibility.” Colin shrugged. “I trust you.”
Stefan, again, felt like melting into a puddle. He loved how Colin was so straightforward. He spoke his mind all the time, no matter what, and with how confusing Stefan found the world, and his father, and everyone else around him, it was so refreshing.
He loved how confident Colin was. He loved how creative, how spontaneous, how aloof but caring he was. He loved everything about Colin. He loved Colin. He loved Colin… He was in love with Colin.
Stefan watched as Colin’s eye grew wide behind his glasses. His mouth hung open and he took a step back, as if he was knocked by some external force. “You’re in love with me?” He asked and Stefan choked. Shit, had he said that out loud?
”Colin, I-“
”Are you in love with me?” He repeated, still staring at Stefan with a shocked expression. Stefan nodded quickly, unable to speak.
Colin was still, frozen in place. It made Stefan feel ill, watching the thoughts passing behind Colin’s eyes. The disgust, the hatred, the amusement that Stefan even thought he stood a chance with the Colin Ritman. As if.
But then, like he was breaking free, Colin surged forward, grabbing Stefan’s face, just like he had before, and kissing him hard on the mouth. Stefan jumped in shock, his back darting straight and his hands flying to Colin’s shoulders, grabbing him and pulling him closer.
Colin’s hand moved back down to Stefan’s waist, resting on his hip. The other hand moved slowly down his chest, his fingertips skating gracefully down his jumper. Never mind butterflies in his stomach, Stefan felt like he had butterflies in his brain, scattering every possible thought and replacing it with Colin.
Colin was the first to pull away, his breaths coming heavy from between his swollen lips. Stefan smiled to himself. I did that, he thought.
Colin reached forward and thumbed at the hoop in Stefan’s ear. “I have a confession too,” Colin said.
“Go on,” Stefan urged, making Colin smile.
”I was pretty much losing hope that you were ever going to love me back, so I decided to be selfish.”
“What do you mean?”
”I made you get this piercing because I knew you would look gorgeous. I guess if I knew I couldn’t have you, at least I got to see you like this.”
“Like this?” Stefan replied and Colin nodded. “Since Bandersnatch, you’ve been so much more confident. You’re independent and you’re kinder to yourself. I wanted you to know how beautiful you are.”
If Stefan hadn’t been sure of his love before, and he was, he knew now that he was definitely head-over-heels in love with Colin Ritman. And so he said it again.
“I love you,” Stefan said. And for the first time, Colin looked at him with soft eyes and a sappy smile and he didn’t try to hide it. “I’ve waited so long to hear you say that again,” Colin replied and Stefan crooked an eyebrow. “What?”
”Doesn’t matter,” Colin dismissed before kissing Stefan again.