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Colin had invited Stefan over to his flat with a very specific mission in mind. Tonight, Stefan was finally going to make a move on Colin. Colin knew Stefan was in love with him. It had been obvious since the first time they had met. The real first time. And every ‘first’ time since then, Colin had been determined to make him realise that love.
Because Colin remembered everything. In every timeline, him and Stefan fell in love. It was destiny. Even when they never got the chance to confess or pursue their love, Colin knew they loved each other, no matter how long it took Stefan to realise it too.
But this timeline was testing Colin’s patience. He had waited three years and whilst all the signs were there, Stefan hadn’t made a single move on Colin. It was driving him crazy, and so he had decided to take matters into his own hands.
That’s why he was doing this. He was going to make it so hard for Stefan to not make a move on him that he would just have to do it to end both their suffering. It was the only way that Colin could end this three-year-long torment.
Before he knew it, it was exactly seven pm and Stefan was letting himself into the apartment, with his own key. Colin had really laid it on thick that day, when he had given Stefan that key. Yet, frustratingly, he still hadn’t taken the hint.
“Hi Colin,” Stefan said, dropping his key by the door and shrugging off his jacket. Colin watched him hang it up, watched him walk over nervously, with rosy cheeks and a toothy grin, and it reminded him of all the timelines where they had gotten farther than this. Where Stefan lived in Colin’s flat and would come home, hang his coat up and kiss Colin quickly on the mouth before going into the kitchen to make him and Colin a cup of tea.
The kiss became part of the coming-home routine. So casual and typical, something that was just accepted, and something that Colin absolutely took for granted. He would do anything for Stefan to have walked up to him, looped his arms lazily around Colin’s middle, and kissed him whilst still smiling. He hadn’t known what that felt like for years.
“Stefan,” Colin acknowledged, ready to turn on the charm and take charge. Tonight was the night, he reminded himself. There was no backing out now. “Right on time.”
Stefan blinked, looked down at his watch and blushed, looking back up at Colin. “I guess I just didn’t want to keep you waiting,” he said, pulling at his earlobe nervously.
Colin knew this was an excuse, Stefan had been eager to see him because he was in love with him. Colin knew that, he just needed Stefan to do something about it.
“Come with me, I have something for you,” Colin stated, and, without looking back for Stefan, he turned and walked into his living room. He knew Stefan would follow, he didn’t need to make sure.
By the time Colin was sat down at his seat opposite the coffee table, Stefan was sat on the sofa opposite him. Colin hated being this far away from him. He was so used to sitting next to him on the sofa, his arm looped over Stefan’s shoulder and his legs thrown across Stefan’s lap. They hadn’t been like that for years, and never in this timeline. Colin missed it more than anything.
Whilst he usually scolded himself for thinking about the Stefans he knew rather than the Stefan he had, because sometimes he didn’t have him for very long, all his reminiscing gave him an idea.
He pulled a small resealable bag out of his shirt pocket and placed it on the table between him and Stefan. “I got you this,” Colin started. “You’ve been pretty stressed out with your new game and I thought you might need it when the game gets to be too much, might take your mind off everything.”
Stefan eyed the bag warily, more confused than concerned. Colin knew Stefan trusted him too much for that. “What is it?” Stefan asked eventually, when his leering didn’t seem to have the desired effect of telling him what he was looking at.
“Weed. I’m assuming I’m right in saying that you’ve never used it before?” Colin waited for Stefan to nod before carrying on, although he knew the answer already. Colin always felt quite proud of himself for being the one to corrupt Stefan in every timeline.
”Then I’m going to have to help you then,” Colin added, standing up and slowly making his way around the coffee table and over to the sofa. Stefan watched him the entire time, until Colin was so close that Stefan had to look up at him. Colin had seen this view before. Again, never in this timeline.
Colin sat down next to Stefan, and he noticed as Stefan turned his body slightly towards his, their knees and toes touching. Colin smiled despite himself. After so many years of waiting and pining, he would finally get this back. The comfort, the intimacy. All the warm and terrifying feelings that Stefan Butler made him feel.
“What do you mean?” Stefan asked, bringing Colin back to the present. “I mean,” Colin began, pulling out the rolling paper he had also been keeping in his shirt pocket. He decided that it was better to multi-task and explain whilst rolling. The sooner the joint was rolled, the sooner he could move onto the next stage of his plan.
“If you’ve never smoked weed before then it’ll be pretty strong for your first hit. So I’ll need to help you.”
“Help me how?” Stefan asked and Colin paused to grin up at him. “That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he teased. Stefan groaned but Colin knew there wasn’t any weight behind it. They enjoyed teasing each other, him and Stefan. At least, Colin enjoyed teasing Stefan until he got the confidence to do it back. He had reached that point before, but this Stefan wasn’t quite there yet.
Colin rolled the joint, lit it and held it between his fingers. “Alright, here’s how it’s going to go. I’m going to take a hit, and when I do, you’re going to open your mouth. When I breathe out, all you’ll need to do is breathe in. Got it?”
Stefan nodded and Colin took that as his signal. He placed the joint between his lips and inhaled deeply, until he felt a scratching at the back of his throat. Then, he pulled the joint away and, with his free hand, took Stefan’s chin gently in his palm.
Stefan’s eyes went wide and his cheeks turned a bright shade of pink. Colin allowed himself to revel in the moment for just a second too long before approaching Stefan. He stopped just before Stefan’s open mouth and he breathed out. Stefan attempted to inhale, choked and turned away to cough into his elbow.
“Sorry,” he rasped, whilst still coughing. “I hadn’t…expected you to be that close,” he admitted. Even after everything, Colin still found that made him blush.
He loved the nervous Stefan he met at the beginning of each timeline. Of course, he loved the one that came after, the Stefan that was comfortable and sure of himself, but this Stefan was who he first fell in love with. Timid and gentle and so unaware. His innocence never failed to surprise Colin in some way. No matter how long they spent together.
“Try again,” Stefan insisted, straightening himself up and parting his lips in preparation. Colin took another drag and closed in, so close that his lips brushed against Stefan’s when he breathed out.
This time, Stefan inhaled, closing his lips just as Colin pulled away. He exhaled without coughing, only having to clear his throat in the second it took for Colin to bring the joint back to his lips.
Stefan inhaled again, lingering in front of Colin before pulling away again. Colin knew it was on purpose. They were the same in that way, taking any moment they could to have an extra second closer. Colin just wished that Stefan was willing to take more. Because Colin was willing to give so much more.
The third time Colin brought the joint to his lips, Stefan reached up frantically to grab his wrist. “Colin, slow down!” He protested and Colin immediately pulled the joint away. “Take it slower, please,” Stefan said and Colin nodded. How could he ever refuse Stefan? Especially when he was so polite about it.
Colin waited until Stefan took a deep breath and gave him a nod until he brought the joint back to his lips. The rolling paper crackled as he took a breath.
Colin could feel anticipation coming from Stefan in waves. His eyes stayed on Colin’s mouth as he approached him. As they leaned closer, Stefan placed his hand on the back of Colin’s neck, his fingers moving through the short hairs there.
It made Colin feel dizzy and his knees go weak. That could have been the weed, already buzzing through his bloodstream, but he was almost certain that it was Stefan and the electricity coming from every point of contact. Because, as they got closer, their body’s moved closer too, until they were attached from hip to knee, and it felt electric.
Colin was certain this was the moment. Stefan’s warm body pressed against his, their lips brushing as Stefan took another deep breath, Stefan’s eyes fluttering closed as he inhaled, so close to Colin that he could feel Stefan’s lungs expanding against his chest.
But then, after many long seconds, Stefan pulled away and slowly exhaled. Colin blinked at him, unsure what had happened. How had that not worked? He knew Stefan wanted to kiss him, so why wasn’t he doing it? What was Colin doing wrong here?
Colin finished the joint with Stefan in passive silence. He would pull away as quickly as he could, which must have seemed off to Stefan as he didn’t try to touch Colin again.
Stefan’s eyes began to droop as the weed took effect. He looked tired, but calm, just like Colin had hoped. He seemed totally unbothered, which was rare with Stefan, and it made Colin miss his Stefan, who was like this a lot more often with a lot less drugs in his system.
Stefan grinned up at him, showing all his teeth. “This has been nice Colin,” he said, making Colin laugh. “I think you’ve had too much, Stefan, mate.”
“No way,” Stefan giggled. “Barley had any.” He stood up warily, stumbling in place for a while before walking towards the door. “But I should get going now.”
”What?” Colin hadn’t thought this far ahead. He had thought that Stefan would be staying over, of course, but under…different circumstances. He didn’t think he would have to convince him.
“I’m going home,” Stefan explained. “It’s getting late.” He went to grab his coat but Colin dragged his outstretched arm back down. “I will not let you leave like this, you need eyes on you at all times. Also, what would your dad say if he knew that you were high?”
The thought seemed to sober Stefan up slightly because he backed away. “You’re right,” he said. “Are you sleeping now?”
”Might as well,” Colin replied, “like you said, it’s getting late.” Stefan nodded solemnly. Clearly still feeling the effects of the weed. “Alright, good night then,” he said smiling, and he began to walk back towards the living room.
Colin stared after him. Things like that still stung. Him not knowing where Colin’s room was when that was his room too. At least, it had been Stefan’s room. Not this Stefan, so really, it never had been. Not this Stefan, not this room.
“Where are you going?” Colin asked, following after him. He had made it back to the living room by the time Stefan turned around. “I assumed I would be sleeping on the sofa,” he said. “Unless, you have somewhere else you wanted me to sleep?”
”With me,” Colin responded, too quickly. Stefan’s eyes widened and Colin rushed to elaborate. “I meant, in my bed. With me. It’s a double so it’s big enough.”
This gave Stefan pause. He took a moment to open and close his eyes several times before he answered again. “Alright,” he said, and followed Colin into his room.
The bedroom was small, mostly taken up by Colin’s double bed and the shelves stacked full of video games. Stefan awkwardly followed Colin into the room and shut the door behind him. It closed with a clarifying bang, leaving silence hanging awkwardly between them.
Stefan walked over to a shelf and took a tape down. “This is one of your Comidor games, isn’t it? I still need to play this.” Colin looked down and, indeed, Stefan was holding the tape to MAZEE DAE, his first game on the Comidor.
“You can play it on mine, if you want. We can play together sometime.” Stefan looked up, and Colin realised that he was standing right over Stefan, his head practically resting on his shoulder. That made Colin remember the plan.
He lowered his chin onto Stefan’s shoulder and snaked his arm around Stefan, allowing his hand to rest over Stefan’s, which was still holding the tape. Stefan kept his head down and his eyes on the game.
“You know,” he stuttered. “That would have been my dream, three years ago. To play a Colin Ritman game with the Colin Ritman.”
Colin grinned playfully. “Are you saying that it isn’t still your dream?” He asked. This made Stefan turn his head to look at him, their noses bumping due to the little distance between them.
”Colin…” Stefan trailed off, looking into his eyes. His mouth stayed open but nothing else came out, just shallow breaths. His eyes darted between Colin’s eyes and lips. Colin dared to move one inch closer, than another, and another…
Stefan jumped back, almost dropping MAZEE DAE. “Shit! Sorry,” he yelped, and shoved the tape back on the shelf. He looked back at Colin, who was stunned speechless, and they stood in silence for a few awkward seconds.
“Pick a side,” Colin said, finally, pointing to the bed. “I’m just going to put on something more comfortable.” Stefan nodded and awkwardly crawled under the duvet whilst Colin crossed the room to his dresser. Stacked on top of it was a blocky television and even more video games.
He pulled out a plain t-shirt and blue plaid shorts. Stefan averted his eyes as Colin unbuttoned his shirt but he knew that Stefan was still watching. Not just because he knew that Stefan would give in to temptation, but also because his cheeks were shining crimson.
When he was changed, and his glasses were lying on his desk, Colin climbed into bed next to Stefan. After a while, Colin’s eyes had gotten used to the darkness and he could make out Stefan, who was facing him. Watching him. “Good night Stefan,” Colin whispered, and, again, Stefan grinned back. “Good night Colin.”
Then, just as casually as he might have waved goodbye if he had left for home, Stefan leaned forward and kissed Colin square on the mouth. It was only a short kiss, only a pressing of lips against his, but Colin had given up hope for the night and, now, it was actually happening. Stefan Butler was really kissing him.
Stefan pulled away, and Colin watched him with what he knew was a dazed expression. Because his mind felt like it was short-circuiting. His brain felt like it was shutting down because after years of trying and hinting and working towards getting Stefan to kiss him, that was what made him do it. Because he said good night?
Stefan’s eyes were darting to look at anything but him, he looked nervous and shifty, like he was in fight-or-flight. Colin reached out and took Stefan’s arm, hoping that it would ground him and calm him down. Apparently it took more than one joint to sooth Stefan’s nerves.
However, it did apparently work, because Stefan took a deep breathe in and out, and then began to speak. “This may sound crazy, but I want you to hear me out. So you can’t speak until I’m done talking, okay?”
Colin nodded and tightened his grip on Stefan’s arm. “I’m listening,” he replied and a smile stretched across Stefan’s face. It was sickly sweet and Colin knew it so well because that smile had been aimed at him millions of times before.
“Okay, you know how you said that we’d met before, the first time we met, and I said we hadn’t,” he began. Colin nodded slower this time, really trying not to get his hopes up but also very much hoping that he knew where this was going. “Yes…”
”Well, I lied. We have met before, so many times that I’ve lost count. But you won’t remember because-“
“I remember,” Colin interrupted and Stefan froze. “You…remember?”
”Yes, I remember. I’ve always remembered, ever since we really first met. But you never have.”
Stefan’s eyes widened and he grabbed Colin’s shoulders tightly. “Are you kidding? I always remember, in every timeline. You’ve never known.” Colin moved his hand up to Stefan’s shoulder, mimicking him. It felt like holding onto a lifeline. Stefan knew. He remembered everything.
”So this is the first time that we’ve both known?” Colin asked and Stefan nodded fervently. “This is the first time that we both remember!”
Colin felt tears welling in his eyes. Stefan remembered. He knew that there were timelines where they lived together, they made games together, had kids together, got married. It was like waking up from a long, long nightmare. Like finally coming up for air.
Stefan surged forward once again and pressed his lips to Colin’s. His arms wound loosely around his neck and his leg slotted between Colin’s.
Colin grabbed Stefan’s hips and pulled him closer, their bodies touching at every point possible. Their lips moved comfortably together. They knew exactly how to do this, where to leave their hands, when to pull away and exactly what to say when they did.
Eventually, Stefan pulled away and lay down beside Colin, who put his arm around Stefan’s shoulders. He wriggled closer until he was flush against Colin’s side. A concerned expression decorated his face.
”What’s wrong?” Colin asked and Stefan looked up quickly. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
”Do you want to tell me what you’re thinking about?” Colin replied. “I’ve told you before,” Stefan began. “About the alternate timelines and how we’d met before. And you didn’t believe me. You got really concerned and eventually, told my dad.”
Colin stared back at him, horrified. “Just to look out for me,” Stefan rushed to justify. “You meant well. But then you told Dr Haynes, and she got me locked in the psych ward.”
Colin felt his stomach turn. “Stefan-“
”It’s okay. I’m not mad about it, or anything. I’m just so glad that I have this. I never thought I would get this.”
Colin smiled. “Neither did I.” Stefan was still frowning. “I thought I was crazy…” he trailed off. Colin tightened his grip around Stefan’s shoulders. “Me too. But I like being crazy.”
Stefan laughed, lightly and freely and Colin saw the Stefan he once knew and he realised that everything was going to be okay. “I like being crazy too,” he replied, and sealed it with a kiss.