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Tim has never been anyone’s first choice. With his father it was always the alcohol. Of course his father was proof not everyone should be a parent. But still he never was on the top of his father’s mind. Tim was an afterthought to the alcohol. With his mother it was more complicated, as Tim got older he realized that. His mother was in pain from his father’s abuse and the pain of Tim being abused. She was conflicted and she tried, she really did. But in the end she choose herself.
*
Isabel like his mother was a complicated case, he knew if the drugs hadn’t taken over he may still be with her. He did once love her after all. But of course that wasn’t the way it worked out, she did get addicted and she did disappear. She went in too deep and came out on the other side addicted to drugs. It almost cost her life and it did cost her their marriage. Tim knows even to this day that it was the right choice. He would always care for Isabel, he didn’t blame her for what happened and he was proud of her for being able to get out and get clean. But she choose the job and drugs. Not him.
*
Rachel was less complicated, and Tim knows she just wasn’t the right person for him. He really did care for Rachel. He would go as far as to say he could have fallen in love. He had fun with her and he could see she cared for him. But the thing was, she choose the job over him. She choose a new city over him. They tried the long distance thing but neither of them were willing to make the sacrifice to fly out to see the other. So they ended their relationship pretty mutually. And he wasn’t heartbroken over it. He really did like Rachel but in the end, like the others before her she choose something else over him. And while it stung knowing he wasn’t her first choice. He was beginning to accept that he never would be.
*
Tim really did like Ashley, and while their relationship was fun and he had a good time with her. It was just that, fun and as time went on he was still with her h knew it wasn’t going anywhere. Especially after she told him she didn’t want kids or to get married. And he definitely knew his relationship with Ashley was done after Vegas. And in the end it didn’t really matter because Ashley choose herself. He saw the warning signs, but he never thought she would be so cruel and break up with him after surgery. She choose herself rather than seeing Tim’s situation through her eyes. She didn’t want to go through the stress again like she did with her dad. It was all about her.
But at that point Tim knew their relationship had sizzled out. While it did hurt him he knew it was for the best and Ashley wasn’t the right girl for him. She choose herself and for Tim that was okay. He was used to be someone’s second choice.
*
Tim figures that he would be someone’s second choice or last choice for the rest of his life. He has accepted it. He doesn’t expect to be chosen by anyone and that is okay with him. And then he started dating Lucy, and everything just changed. And he knows his words are true about Lucy.
Lucy is different.
She always has been. She always has been the person who challenges him. She’s always been his biggest fan and supporter. And most of all, she has always chosen him. Even before they were together, she chose to protect him and put him first. Even somehow with undercover work she’s different. She promised him she would get out before anything got too bad. And he believes her whole heartedly.
And now it’s the little things as well as the big things. She chose him when she decided they were worth it and she was going to move stations. She chose him when she did the five player trade because she knew how miserable he was at the desk. Even though he would have stayed at that desk forever if it meant being with her. She chooses him every single day. And now as he lays here in bed with her he knows she will always choose him because she loves him. He really didn’t know that it was that simple but it is.
“Hey.” She says turning around to face him. “What are you thinking about?” Her voice is still rough with sleep but her eyes are bright and focused on him.
“You always choose me.” He says quietly. “You always have.” Lucy studies him for a minute before leaning in to kiss him on his lips, she hold them there for a minute before pulling back.
“I will always choose you Tim.” She says simply reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. It’s amazing how those words make his heart start beating so fast he feels like it could fall out of his chest.
“I will always choose you too.” He says softly pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“I know.” She says. “You have already shown that in so many ways Tim.”
She scoots closer so there is no space between them and reaches over to put her hand on his heart. “You are the most important person in my life. Choosing you will always be at the top of my list.”
Tim nods because for first time in his life someone has chosen him first and he believes she will always choose him. Just like he will always choose her.