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Lucy sighs as she gets the war bags ready, riding with Tim again is nice and it feels familiar. It feels comfortable. She finishes packing the bags just as Tim comes in.
“Hey you almost ready?” He asks as he takes the bag. She raises her eyebrows at him but he just shrugs. “I can be nice sometimes.” Lucy laughs as she follows Tim to the shop. He smiles as they load everything into the back and Lucy frowns. It’s not that Tim can’t smile but never really does. And it’s a shame because he does have a nice smile, one that lights up his entire face. And honestly if she could frame his smile she would. If she could bottle up his happiness she would because he definitely deserves happiness in his life.
She slides into the passenger seat, and tilts her head at him curiously. “Why are you in such a good mood?” She asks. He turns to her his mouth falling down into a slight frown.
“I’m always in a good mood.” He says defiantly. Lucy rolls her eyes and gives him a look. He rolls his eyes back at her and then starts the shop. They drive in silence and then Tim’s phone buzzes next to him. He eyes it and but doesn’t pick it up. Lucy chews on her bottom lip a thought suddenly occurring to her.
“So are you seeing anyone?” She asks and he turns to look at her his eyebrows in his hairline. She sighs. “I mean you just seem so.. happy. I was just wondering.”
He looks over at her, studies her for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “Yeah. Maybe I am.” He says. Lucy’s heart sinks a little.
“Oh that’s great.” She says turning to face the window. She knows Tim is looking at her. And probably wondering why she isn’t asking all the questions like she normally would.
“Don’t you want to know anything about her?” He asks. No. Lucy thinks. No I do not.
“Not really.” She replies. And she hates how her voice shakes. She hates that she knows exactly what she’s feeling. Jealously.
She turns back to Tim and smiles at him, but she knows he doesn’t buy it. But before he can say anything more, his phone buzzes again. Lucy bites her lip as she turns away again. She’s not jealous. She can’t be jealous. Tim is her superior. Her former training officer.
But she can’t get her mind off the way he looked at her while dancing with her. Or the fact that he said all those words of affirmations and how it made her chest expand 10 times bigger. And the way he held her.
“You are thinking too loud.” Says Tim. “What’s wrong?”
She turns to look at him and opens her mouth and then clamps it shut. She can’t tell him.
“Nothing.” She lies. He continues to look at her, his blue eyes full of concern.
“Lucy.” He says. But she just shakes her head and smiles at him.
“I’m fine Tim. I promise.” She says shrugging. He nods hesitantly and then turns back to the road.
***
Lucy makes a decision later that day that she can’t be Tim’s aide anymore. She can’t sit in the shop all day and think about her feelings for him. She knows he will question her, and probably push her and she may spill it. But he’s clearly happy and he’s seeing someone so she can’t tell him how she feels. She’s not going to ruin his happiness for him. She takes out her phone, her hands shaking as she types:
Lucy: I can’t be your aide anymore
She shuts off her phone and flips it over. It buzzes immediately.
Tim: Why?
Lucy: I just can’t.
Tim: That’s not an answer Lucy.
She turns her phone over again, and then it’s buzzing again. Tim’s calling her this time. She wants to ignore it and send him to voicemail but she knows he will keep calling. So she answers it, closing her eyes as she greets him.
“Hello?” She says trying make the tears stop and her voice from shaking.
“Why can’t you be my aide anymore Lucy?” He asks firmly. “And don’t say because you can’t.”
Lucy sniffles and Tim makes a noise. “I-I can’t ruin your happiness.” She says.
There’s a pause and then. “What are you talking about?” He asks confusion in his voice.
“You are clearly happy with the girl you are seeing. I don’t want to ruin that for you. You deserve to be happy.” She says the tears now falling freely. “I can’t be the reason.”
Tim huffs out a quiet laugh. “Lucy, I’m not seeing anyone. My sister is coming to town and I get to see her and my nephews. That’s who was texting me today.”
“But you said—” Lucy says wiping a tear from her face. She’s really glad Tim can’t see her right now, her face is probably red and blotchy and she might hit him if he was standing in front of her.
“I know I was being an ass.” He says and Lucy doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry.
“Jerk.” She mutters. Tim lets out another laugh but this time it’s loud and genuine. And she takes pride in the fact that she’s the one making him laugh.
“So do you still want to be my aide?” He asks softly. Lucy bites her bottom lip before replying. It’s now or never Chen.
“No.” She replies. Tim makes a funny noise but she talks before he can speak. “I have feelings for you Tim and I’m not going to pretend I don’t. So no I can’t be your aide anymore.”
“Lucy…” he begins. “If this is another prank.”
“It’s not.” She tells him. “I promise it’s not. I don’t know when I realized I had feelings for you. But the thought of you with another girl.. I know you don’t feel the same way I do. But I’m telling you now.”
There’s silence over the phone and Lucy realizes he’s hung up. She drops her phone on the floor willing and ready to let the tears spill over. She doesn’t know how long she stands there, staring at the ground. Her heart clenching painfully in her chest.
Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, she drags her feet over to the door and opens it up to see Tim.
She stares at him in disbelief. “You hung up on me.” She says. He laughs and steps forward.
“I don’t talk and drive.” He says shrugging. Lucy lets out a laugh because of course he doesn’t.
“Why are you here?” She asks and he steps closer to her. They are now halfway into her apartment and halfway into the hallway. Lucy feels dizzy with anticipation, wondering what he’s going to say or do.
“You have feelings for me.” He says. It’s a statement not a question. She nods. “And it’s not a prank?”
“No.” She whispers. He steps closer still and she swears he can hear her heart pounding.
She looks up at him and his blue eyes are shining and he’s smiling like he was today.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” He asks. She worries her bottom lip with her teeth and shrugs.
“I was scared.” She admits. “We had a good thing going.”
“We still can.” He says and he reaches out to draw her in so she’s pressed against him. And she has never felt this safe and comfortable before.
“Yeah? But we can’t ride together if we are together.” She points out.
“True but that’s not what I was talking about. I was talking about the fact that could have a good thing going together.”
“So you want this? You and me?” She asks gesturing between them. “For real?”
“God yes.” He says softly his mouth now ghosting her ear. “Absolutely Lucy.”
Lucy wants to reach out and pinch him. Because this could not be real. Could it?
“Really? For reals?” She says and he laughs his hand on her back.
“Yes. For reals.” He says wrinkling his nose. She laughs a little and then suddenly his lips are on hers and it feels like she’s floating. She feels weightless as he pulls her closer, kissing her until she’s breathless.
“Wow.” She says grinning up at him. “You are for reals.” Tim rolls his eyes at her and backs her into the apartment and shutting the door behind him. She curls her body closer to him, and rests her head on his chest and breathes him in.
“You lost an aide but gained a girlfriend.” She teases him. He laughs.
Oh god this is perfect.