Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Good morning sunshine” Alex was jarred awake by the raspy sound of June's morning voice. It's always a pleasant sight, Alex thought, to see her first thing in the morning. Rats nest, morning breath, and all. “It’s game day, up and at ‘em”

“You will be the death of me” Alex grumbles, but rolls out of bed anyway, he could already feel the pre-game adrenaline coursing through him. 

The first game of the season was always an interesting experience. The media always paints it so dramatically, like it’s the game that determines your results for the rest of the year. But any player, or anyone that follows hockey at all, can tell you otherwise. The first game doesn’t matter, but tensions run high anyway. 

Alex stumbled to his closet and threw on his t-shirt and jeans, he’ll change for morning skate once he gets to the rink, but in the meantime, this will do. 

“So, how’re you feeling?” June asked. “Excited?”

“Obviously,” Alex said, grabbing a t-shirt. Game day means full team merch. He pulled on his Yellowhawks shirt, and sweater and briefly debated the team-branded sweatpants, before opting for jeans instead 

“First game of the season! And training camp’s been going amazing. Charleson almost pulled off the Michigan a couple of weeks ago!” Alex said enthusiastically

“Wow, the Michigan! Almost! One time! In training camp!” June said, her voice dripping with sarcasm “That means he’ll be able to do it in a game!”

“Oh shut up!” Alex threw his sleep shirt across the room, missing her a couple of inches

“How’re you feeling about Ottawa? I forgot, do guys have a history or something?” 

“Shut your goddam face!” Alex hurled a pillow at June's head, this time it landed right on target.

“Stop it with the projectiles!” June shrieked, throwing the pillow back at Alex “But seriously, how are you feeling?”

“Alright. They’ve resigned most of the team, so they're close to their salary cap already.  The goalies an asshole though.” 

“Oh really? I had no idea! It’s not like you rant about it every fucking day” June quipped, then she lowered her voice about three octaves, in an awful impression of Alex’s own “‘Oh Fox is so annoying! Fox is such an asshole! Fox, Fox, Fox’”

“Ugh, don’t” Alex moaned “Just hearing his name makes me angry! He’s probably the only goalie in the league who still has all his teeth though, I’ll give him that.”

“Also, aren’t you pretty much at your cap already?” June asked, “I mean, that can’t be great for you guys either.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “Yeah we are. But it’s fine. That just means we can’t sign anyone else, but someone will get fired or quit or put on LTIR or whatever, it’ll be fine”

June laughed again at Alex’s uncertain tone. “Alright, move your ass. Go rant about this to your angry, toothless, Canadian friends”

“Only three of my teammates are Canadien!” Alex shouted over his shoulder, but June had already disappeared from his room. He hardly cared as he hopped into his sneakers, and rushed out the door, grabbing his bag on the way out. He can feel the rush of adrenaline getting stronger as he drives to the rink. The familiar knot in his stomach of pure energy. Finally, after months of waiting, it’s game day again.

Alex pulled up to the Wells Fargo Arena at 9:45 and stared up at the giant “Home of the Dallas Yellowhawks” banner. It wasn’t as if it had been a long time since he’s been here. He had come for training camp. But this was different. Finally, he was back doing what he loves, for real. 

As he walked into the dressing room, he was greeted with his teammate's cheers. 

“Hey X!” Liam said, clapping him on the back. 

Rule #1 of professional hockey, everybody needs a nickname. 

“You guys excited to crush the Reds?” Alex screamed to the room, he was met with thunderous applause.

Rule #2 of professional hockey, almost everything deserves applause.

“You better get changed, morning skate starts in 30 minutes!” Liam says, taking a swig from his Gatorade.

Rule #3 of professional hockey, any problem can be fixed with Gatorade.

“What? You think I can’t do it in jeans?” Alex says

“Get your goddam pads on” Liam replies, laughing

And so, Alex did. His pads were heavy and uncomfortable, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. Skates, pads, pants. He has always done it like this. From his little league days to the four years he spent on the college team, to his two years in the minors before finally being promoted to the NHL. He put on his pads like this during his record-breaking 8 points in his first game. The only time he had ever strayed from this tradition was game seven, round four, last year. Directly before their devastating loss to Ottowa. So lord knows he won't be making that mistake again.

“Doesn’t it feel a little mean,” Alex said, pulling on his jersey “That we have to play game one against the team that obliterated us last year?”

“I’m pretty sure they finish the schedule before the playoff games, also game one doesn’t matter.” Liam responded, “At least not technically. Anyway, tie your skates, we have to move.”

The second Alex was on the ice, he felt better, any anxiety he had had for the game (which admittedly was a lot) had faded. Instead, he did a couple of quick laps around the rink, shot a few pucks, and bathed in the pre-game excitement. By the time the half-hour was over, he was panting, sweating, and thrilled. They were going to win this goddam game. He was passing well, he was scoring even when the goal was in his blind spot. From across the ice, he made eye contact with Liam at the goal. Stretching his body in insane positions as Luna shot pucks at him from every angle. 

After the skate, Alex headed straight to the locker room.

“Hey, Puckstopper! Looking good out there!” Alex said, using Liam's nickname. 

It was rather unoriginal, but it had been given to him at the beginning of last year's season. When Second-line right winger Eduardo Patel had gotten very drunk one night in Vagas, and announced to the bar with his arm around Liam.  “This is our Puckstopper right here!”

 They had been, admittedly,  very drunk at the time. But they thought it was hilarious then, and it just stuck.  

“You too X-man, I’m already sweating,” Liam said

“Luna’s been putting you to work?”

In response, Liam wrung out his hair, a few drops of sweat pouring out.

“You’re disgusting,” Alex said, laughing

Post-morning-skate media was always his favorite. Adrenaline temporarily stilled from the exhaustion of the morning. There were a couple of reporters already there when Alex entered for his interviews

“Mr. Diaz,” The first interviewer says after he sits down “How is the team feeling returning to the game through the team that defeated you last year? How is that affecting your morale?”

“I can’t speak for the whole team, but for me, I think that there is definitely a bit of a pride element to it. We only needed one more win last year, so winning today would show that we can do it.”

“And how are you feeling physically?” A second reporter asked

“I’m feeling great,” Alex said, with a bit too much enthusiasm for the medias comfort“And we were looking amazing in training camp, and especially good in morning skate.”

A few more questions later, their media time was over, and Alex stood from his press chair and grabbed his phone, two new texts from June

bug: Looks like your rival is getting some action

The link was to the People magazine website, when Alex clicked it the headline flared on his screen. “Ottowa Reds star goalie, Henry ‘The Net King’ Fox, spotted outside a coffee shop in Dallas with mysterious female protege.”

The ‘mysterious female protege’ in question was a very pretty blond girl who was pictured standing next to Fox. He was leaning up against a pillar outside the coffee shop, a perfect media smile on his face. The girl was standing next to him, head thrown back in a laugh, eyes shut.

Alex: he gets stalked by the paparazzi??? Is he famous enough for that?

bug: Of course he does. He’s ‘the net king’

Alex: also People only release things that the stars want them to

bug: Maybe he just really wants people to know how much he can pull

Meetings were next. That was another element of the game that Alex loved. There is something calming about everything he needed to do being laid out for him. When he’s on the ice, a million things are running through his mind at once and the decisions are coming at him every half second, but here, it seems much more simple. 

“Anderson“ Couch Ellen Claremont said, flipping to her next slide, it was labeled ‘Singling you out (sorry)’, the team chuckled “You’ve been playing exceptionally well lately, we swept half the exhibition games, keep up the good work!”

“Thank you, Coach,” Liam said, grinning widly

“Hedlund, you’re thinking of your role as clearing the ice, but you have to focus more on initiating offense.”

“Yes Coach,” Hedlund said, hanging his head. Alex added that to his mental notes, ‘Doesn’t take criticism well’

“Diaz, you’ve been playing well. But you need to work on the penalty kill. Stop playing on the end of your stick, stop avoiding the puck, and just go for it, commit.”

“Yes, Coach,” Alex said

“Good, last slide, and then I’ll let y’all break for lunch.” This one was labeled ‘Keeping the NHL mentality’ “Moving on to the mental aspect. The first game of the series is always nerve-racking, especially playing a team that you lost to last year. I need you to all make sure that you’re playing your best, and not focusing on the people behind the mask any more than you need to. You got that?”

“Yes Coach” the team grumbled.

“You guys have good comradery, and that's special, you need to make sure that you're supporting each other on the ice, just as much as you do off of it. The cheering from the benches is good, but make sure you’re backing up your teammates on the ice too. There's nothing that you need to do tonight that we haven’t done before. Let’s do this!” 

Alex turned on the radio on the way home, and while flipping channels, landed on Sportsnet 590.

He paused there for a moment, if he was lucky he’d catch something about the game tonight. It always sent him a bit of adrenaline to hear his team announced on the radio, but instead was met with a familiar and grating British accent.

“I think we’re feeling good about tonight. We’ve obviously beaten them before and I’m sure we can beat them again! The team is feeling great too, good vibes all around the locker room!”

Alex could practically see Fox’s idiotic-looking golden hair and disgustingly blue eyes through the radio, he was probably sitting in the same seat Alex had just hours before. Every syllable of Fox’s answers was stretched out in his thick British accent, it made Alex’s neck sweat.

“Hey, Henry” A reporter said, Alex couldn’t recognize them based on their voice, “Any family coming in from London to see you tonight?”

Fox’s laugh made Alex want to rip his ears off “Yes, actually! My sister is flying in, Beatrice. She should be on the plane now. I don’t think she cares very much about hockey at all, but she wants to be supportive.”

“Henry, if I may be a bit informal,” Another reporter asked, “How are you feeling about your coffee date rumors? Is it true have a new girlfriend”

Alex was taken aback by this, and he guessed Fox would be too. It’s uncommon for such personal questions to be asked in such a usually formal interview, but there was no waver in Fox’s voice when he answered, instead a confident laugh “She’s a friend of mine. We met last year during a game here, around January. Hung out a bit during the season and a lot more during the playoffs. This summer we spent some time together when I was in recovery. She’s sweet, bought me a coffee this morning”

Alex gripped the steering wheel tighter, but for some reason couldn’t bring himself to change the channel. He continued to listen.

“And how are you feeling coming back from your concussion?” reporter number three asked “Are you positive that you are ready to play coming back from such a huge injury?”

“Oh absolutely. I spent some time this summer resting, especially after game seven last year. I doubt I should have played in that game, but here we are!” He laughed “I went to see doctors almost weekly this past summer, and I still meet with my neurologist about once a month. But there have been no more concerning instances and I’ve been completely cleared for play!”

“We’re all happy to hear that. Now one last question, before your injury, you were leading the league in save percentage” The reporter said, “Do you feel that you will be able to revamp that record this season, or do you feel that that will be more of a challenge this year?”

Fox took a second to think this time, before answering again, “Coming off an injury is always difficult. Yes, I had a great season last year and a great last couple of periods in game seven. I’m going to have to work hard if I want the title back, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to.”

“We’re all looking forward to it! Best of luck Henry!” The reporter said

“Thanks so much!” Fox said. Alex could feel the forced smile through the radio. He clicked it off before the Sportsnet broadcasters could take over. Alex drove in silence for the next twenty or so minutes before pulling up to his driveway.

Nora greeted him at the front door and pulled him inside

“Hey!” Alex exclaimed, pulling Nora into a one-armed hug and hanging up his hockey bag with the other “It’s been way too long”

“I saw you yesterday you idiot!” Nora said but accepted the hug anyway.

The pizza was already set up on the kitchen counter. And Netflix was open on the TV in front of them

“What are we watching?” Alex asked, taking a slice

“I’ve got a list!” June said, pulling out her phone, while Nora launched into a tirade about how she had devised the perfect algorithm for pre-game pump-up movies.

“Sorry Nor,” Alex said, wrapping his arm around her “but I’m going to have to overrule you on the algorithm today, let's hear June’s list”

June grinned triumphantly and began to scroll through her list of movie options. “Okay, how about… Firesaga ? ”

“No!” Nora said, “Too much secondhand embarrassment, I cannot handle that right now.”

“Alright fair,” June responded “How about… Oh! Miracle on Ice ?”

“Hits way too close to home,” Alex said

“Mighty ducks then?” 

“Same difference,” Alex said “Nothing hockey-related”

June threw her head back in frustration, “Alright, do you just wanna watch Parks & Rec until it's time to go?”
“I’m down,” Nora said, “You and I are going to get food before the game right?” She said to June

“Of course, and we’ll be there in time for warm-ups”

Alex nodded and fell back on the couch, head in Nora's lap, feet in Junes, laughing along to Leslie Knope chirping away about water fountains. He slowly began to drift off, mid-laugh, a pizza crust still lying on his chest.

He was awoken for the second time in a row to June’s voice in his ear. “Gamey, gamey pucks and skatey” 

Alex blinked and made eye contact with his sister, “How long did it take you to come up with that?”

June laughed again before Alex’s vision went dark, covered suddenly with fabric. Peeling it back he saw that Nora had thrown his suit at him.

“Get changed,” she said, “You need to leave soon, It's almost four”

Alex did as he was told and pulled on his suit, ran a comb through his hair, and pulled on his shoes. 

“You need a ride?” Alex asked as he loaded his bag into the trunk

“We’re alright,” Nora said, “The restaurants are kind of far.”

Alex walked through the hallway into the arena, and put on his best media smile for the cameras taking his photos as he walked in. This will be played for pre-game hype, to get fans at home excited. So the shots had to be good. The more he was shown in the hype, the more people would recognize his face, and the more people recognized him the more likely he was to be promoted to 1C permanently.

When Alex walked into the rink for the second time that day, there was a noticeable difference in tone from the first. This morning the energy in the room had been pure excitement, now it was mixed with the unmistakable feeling of extreme nervousness. 

He caught sight of a few of his teammates kicking a ball around in the hallway leading to the rink, Alex dropped his bag and went to join them. This was somewhat of a pre-game tradition for them. Do something physical to sweat and relax a bit. 

Just as he passed to Kensilon, he saw him, Fox,  from across the hallway. Fox was wearing a black blazer under a deep green button-up, and Alex couldn’t help but notice that it accented his eyes perfectly. Something about seeing him like this, with blond hair brushed back, walking confidently down the hallway even out of the sight of the cameras, made his palms sweat. Alex felt something rising in my stomach.

“What’re you staring at?” Liam asked me

“Fucking Fox,” I grumbled, “God I hate him”

“I saw him at the hotel this morning, had to talk with their goalie coach, it wasn’t important. Anyway, I saw him, in the hallway, talking to some guy. Anyway, I asked about him and googled him later, turns out he’s a private psychologist” Liam said, “Obviously nothing wrong with having mental help, but they were like whispering in a corner. How hard is it to go inside? Anyway, we’ll crush them tonight”

“Yeah,” Alex responded, A bit more quietly than usual “We will” 

A couple of hours later, Alex was suited up and ready for warmups. Ellen led them through their normal drills. Whenever Alex scored, his sprites rose, and whenever he missed, he felt his nerves climbing with them. Alex then broke off from the group and began shooting the pucks from the net at Liam, he caught every single one. 

He kept himself from looking anywhere near Fox throughout warm-ups. He should listen to Zahra, and make sure the rivalry doesn’t become a distraction. A couple of shooting drills later, his shot was the only one that got past Liam. He turned around to eye contact with the coach, and she winked at him from her corner of the rink.

Eventually, Alex broke off from the group and began warming up on his own, and then, about ten minutes later, it was show time.

Going back to the locker room and waiting to be announced was without a doubt the most nerve-wracking part of the game. 

Coach Claremont stood in front of the team, he was expecting her to give a speech, or maybe pull out another last-minute PowerPoint presentation, but instead, she just said “Diaz, Carver, Martinez, Sullivan, and Patel. You guys are starting.” 

Alex nodded, they had gotten this information yesterday, of course, but something about hearing it in real-time drove up his nerves even more. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for Alex to start games, but he was a second-line center, and usually, that spot would be given to their line one center. In this case that was Daniel Erikkson. But tonight their line one left-winger was out with a back injury, and he had better chemistry with Martinez, the line two replacement. Alex had obviously never wished anyone to get injured, but it had worked out rather spectacularly for him.

Walking into the hallway to the rink, Alex heard the Reds begin their introduction. Once they completed announcing their starting line up it would be time to enter the ice

“Starting in goal, from London, England, Henry Fox” The announcer shouted

A few odd people cheered, and Alex clenched his fists. 

A couple of minutes later, he heard the announcer finish up by announcing the Red’s starting center, and it was go time.

“Yellowhawks fans” The announcer boomed, much more enthusiastically “Are you ready?”

The stands cheered and whistled

“Now, taking the ice, your Dallas Yellowhawks”

Alex took a deep breath, followed his line of teammates onto the ice, and began his laps. Those who weren’t starting made for the bench.

“Now introducing, your starting lineup for tonight's game.” The announcer boomed again, the unnecessary echo effect as strong as ever “Starting in goal, from Auston, Texas, Number 57, Liam Andersen” 

Alex cheered and whooped for Liam as he took his spot in front of the goal, Alex’s nerves slowly melted away as he felt the ice steady under his feet. He knew that the second he got back on the bench they would return, but for now, he was in the zone. As the rest of the lineup was announced, he stretched out his legs and arms one last time before skidding to a halt next to his teammates on the blue line.

“And starting center,” The announcer finished, “from our home, Dallas Texas, Alexander Diaz!”

Alex’s ears flushed, as they always did when his name was announced, but straightened up and stood tall. Giving the picture-perfect straight face expected of him during the national anthems.

 Approaching the red line where the puck drop would take place, he felt the last of his nerves wash away. 

The first period passed smoothly but, the score still sat at 0-0 at the end of the first twenty minutes. He sat in the locker room silently. Just as he suspected his nerves had returned the second he stepped off the ice. So he breathed deeply, trying to burn time before he could be back out there again.

A couple of minutes later, they returned to the rink and Alex strode onto the ice, gripping his stick so tightly he could swear his knuckles were white underneath his gloves. He made eye contact with the Reds player staring him down, then to Amy, the ref who was about to drop the puck. This was his fatal mistake, as when his eyes went over the space between the Reds player and Amy, he saw Fox out of the corner of his eye. His blue eyes still shining in the brightly lit arena, even through his helmet. There was that feeling again, something bubbling up in his stomach. And it was during this stare-down, and this split second of distraction, that Amy dropped the puck. And his delayed response allowed the Reds player, who Alex had now identified as Blom, their third-line center, to take it.

“What the fuck was that?” He could hear Ellen yelling from the bench. 

Alex was seeing red as he looked back over at Fox, he was standing there, laser-focused on the puck, and blissfully unaware of what he had just made Alex do. 

“Diaz,” someone said from his left, he turned to see the puck coming at him, and his body detached from his mind. It felt like he was sitting in the passenger seat as he moved the puck over the ice, the rest of the players chasing after him. He dodged a Reds defenseman coming at him from the left. And could hear his teammates cheering him on from the benches, He was going to make it to the goal, it was between him and Fox now. He took the shot, but just at that moment Fox stuck out his left leg, and warded the puck away from the goal line.

“Fuck you!” Alex said as the whistle blew, Fox looked at him, alarmed. “What’s the matter with you? Never been in a fight before?”

Fox stared Alex in the eyes before charging towards him, slamming him into the wall. Alex struggled to remove his gloves and Fox did the same. In the back of his mind, he could hear his teammate's sticks banging on the boards. Fox threw the first punch just as Alex raised his fist to do the same, knocking Alex’s helmet off, Alex grabbed Fox’s arm with one hand, the other swing. He cringed as his knuckles made contact with his helmet. Trying another tactic, Alex pulled his arm to the side, moving the goalie off him and pushing him into the boards. Then one more punch, this time to his heavily padded torso. Not enough to cause him pain, but enough to get him off balance and knock him to the ground. 

Alex was about to strike another blow to the torso of the knocked-down goalie before he felt a referee yank him back. 

“Alright you two” Amy snarled, an arm on each of them

Alex glared at Fox, expecting to see him staring back, but his head was hung, eyes on the ice. 

Alex sat in the penalty box, head propped on his fist, eyes on the referee who would be deciding his fate.

“ Number 86, Dallas, five minutes, fighting” Amy clenched her hand's side by side in the signal for a fighting penalty. Alex heard the crowd moan as he rested his head in his hands “Goalie, number 44, Ottawa, bench minor, fighting”

Throughout his penalty, Alex kept one eye on the game and the other on the clock, making a point to never look directly at Fox, (for fear that he would break out of the box and stab him with his skate) or Ellen (For fear that she would stab him with his skate) About three minutes in, the Reds center that Alex had puck dropped with slipped the puck past Liam. And Alex watched as his entire team hung their heads in annoyance. Reminding himself that he did this. 

Finally, once his penalty was over, Alex skated as fast as he could back to the bench to make the trade. Unfortunately very aware that Coach was staring him down like fresh meat. He very pointedly avoided eye contact as he sat down and squirted his water bottle in his mouth.

“What the fuck were you thinking Diaz?” Alex felt the hairs on his neck stand up as Ellen began her lecture, “Completely unacceptable”

“I’m sorry” Alex grumbled, struggling to maintain eye contact, “I shouldn’t have fought him” 

“Damn right, you shouldn’t have!” Coach said, her thick Texan accent rounding out the vowels “This better not become a recurring thing Diaz, or there will be consequences” 

She left it at that, backing away to let Alex focus back into game mode. He played a few more mostly uneventful shifts, Liam made some fantastic saves, and they headed into the second intermission, still losing 1-0.

Ellen had a much more serious look on her face going into this intermission. Standing in the locker room, half-drunken bottles of Gatorade on every surface and twenty sweaty 20-somethings turned to her with wrapped attention, she let out a sigh.

“Well, that was… less than ideal.” She began, “But we can still pick ourselves up. Diaz, no more instigating fights, and especially not with the goalie”

Alex wanted to tell her, ‘No promises’, but settled for a simple “Yes Coach”

The third period started, and Alex had his game face on. No more fooling around, only looking at Fox when he absolutely needed to. His line changes were flawless and he was passing even better than average. After his third shift of the period, when he returned to the bench, Ellen approached him for the second time.

“Good going Diaz,” She said, clapping him on the back, “Now you just have to score,”

This opportunity presented itself two shifts later. Alex intercepted a pass between tew Reds and made off toward the goal again. Passing to Martinez to avoid being checked by a Reds defenseman. He watched in slow motion as Martinez faked out Fox, and scored.

Jumping in the air, he held out his arms as Marinez skated into him, bracing himself for the impact of his next three teammates crashing into them. His adrenaline rose even higher as he looked up at the scoreboard, now showing the tied 1-1 score. He just needed to do this one more time. One more goal. That isn’t so hard.

Thirty seconds left in the period, Alex was back on the ice. Someone passed to him, but he was too focused to care who. He passed to Martinez, who passed to Lincoln, who passed back to him. He was close enough now, And Fox was still staring at Lincoln. He shot, and the puck went straight through his five-hole. The sound of the goal horn overlapped with that of the end-of-period horn. He watched the scoreboard click to 2 while their countdown clicked to zero. 

“Yeah X!” He heard one of his teammates yell, but he was too caught in the euphoria to care which. Alex turned just in time to see Liam charging down the ice toward him before he careened into him, grabbed him by the waist, and lifted him, his head bobbing above those of his teammates. 

Alex threw his head back and laughed again “Put me down you idiot we didn’t win the cup yet”

Liam set him down, and Alex drifted over to the bench, moving down the line of players. When he reached the end, he saw Ellen, beaming at him.

“That's what I’m talking about Diaz!” She said, shaking his hand, “That’s what I’m fucking talking about!”

Alex laughed again as he skated off the ice, one arm still around Liam. At the last minute, however, he looked over his shoulder back onto the ice and saw Henry on the Reds bench. His blond hair was slick with sweat. He looked more puzzled than upset, chewing on his mouthguard, and Alex couldn’t help but notice how his teeth shimmered in the light of the arena.

Chapter Text

Alex’s next few games went by smoothly. It was a blur of private jets and videogames, hotels, and coffee runs. Out of the six games they had played this season, they had only lost one. And Alex was on a roll, having scored four out of the 14 goals so far. Erikkson had returned from his injury, so Alex had been knocked back down to line two, but he tried not to let this bother him. 

Six games in, Alex was finally starting to adjust to the rhythm of the season. 

Just as he returned from post-morning skate media, and was about to return to their Ottowa hotel to relax for their upcoming game against the Reds, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Alex turned to see their GM, Zahra Bankstone staring at him. Zahra was much more frightening than Ellen. Her eyes alone sent a chill up any professional athlete's spine. But Alex had a sense of familiarity with her that he didn’t have with Ellen. She reminded him of his favorite teacher in high school, while Coach was the one who made sure you got an A, even if it mean assigning him extra homework

“Can I borrow you for a moment Diaz?”

“Sure,” Alex said, tilting his head in confusion and concern “I’m not getting traded am I?”

Zahra laughed, “No, not at all. But Ellen’s busy at the moment, so she assigned me to handle your… situation.”

“What situation ?”

“Let's… come to my office,” Zahra said, gritting her teeth and placing a hand on his forearm

When they arrived, Alex took a moment to look around. He had only been in here a couple of times before. When he was first signed, when he was promoted to C2, and a couple of other odd moments when he was called for meetings. There was one desk facing a window and a chair on either side that looked like it was taken directly from a hotel conference room. The wall across from the door was taken up by a magnetic whiteboard. Small flashcards with details about each player were stuck to it, artfully arranged in formations that Alex wasn’t supposed to understand. But he had spent more time than was good for him in the minors studying the GM guidebook. 

The room was barely decorated at all. There were no photos on the desk or the walls, the only hint of Zahra was a jacket and bag on the floor, and a “Don’t Mess With Texas” Sticker on her computer case. 

Zahra motioned for Alex to sit, and she took up the other chair  “Alex, you’re a good player. No one’s denying that. A few more months of training and I can see you becoming one of the greats. But there are some issues. The fight last game, well that was completely unacceptable”

“It’s hockey, we fight sometimes. It’s not a big deal”

Zahra sighed, “Yes Alexander , hockey players fight sometimes. But you had one, real, gloves-dropped fight all season last year. And you didn't instigate it.”

“I didn’t instigate this one either” Alex argued “Fox is the one who-”

“I can see you waving your arms around and yelling from the stands” Zahra argued back, “Listen, kid. I’m not dumb. I’ve had this job for five years. I can tell the difference between a regular old hockey fight, and a personal vendetta. So tell me what the hell’s up with you or you can kiss any idea of a promotion goodbye.”

Alex sighed, “I promise it's nothing. He was kind of an asshole to me during some charity event and during handshakes after that game” 

He didn’t need to specify which game he was talking about. Every part of the team, and every fan, knows. Game seven of the finals. It shouldn’t have even gotten to game seven, seeing as they had won the first three games of the series anyway. It was looking like they were going to win. 5-2 in the last ten minutes of the 3rd. But then the Reds switched Okonjo out for a previously injured Fox, and the tables turned. They scored three goals in ten minutes and played two more periods of overtime. During that time Fox had blocked 32 shots, 6 of those being Alex’s own. Finally, the Reds slipped a goal past Clarkson (their goalie at the time) and took the win.

 It seemed, in a way, like a cruel twist of fate. That out of the 31 other teams in the league, they had to play the Reds first, and a record-breaking 9 more times throughout the regular season.

Since then the team has had a major turnover, out of the Yellowhawks eight defensemen, seven had been traded over the summer. Liam had been promoted from backup goalie, and Kensilon had been hired straight out of college to replace him. The Reds, however, had kept their team mostly the same, the only major adjustment had been taking Fox out of injury reserve. 

“So you decided to yell at him because he made a face at you after a game three months ago?”

“He didn’t make a face. When I got to him for handshakes he skipped right over me. Didn’t even touch my hand, then said something to Okonjo, and it didn’t seem nice. And he deserved a little shaking up after what he did tonight anyway”

“Alex, he blocked your shot. He’s a goalie. That’s his job.” Zahra buried her head in her hands, “Also, it's not much of an apology if you say that you were justified in doing it”

“Fine. It won’t happen again”

“Alright. No one is asking you to like the guy. There are always rivalries. Just don’t let it become a distraction” Zahra said, and Alex nodded in response, “Alright, get out of here. I think the rest of the team’s going to get some food, you should join them. Get hyped for the game tonight”

Alex nodded and picked up his bag, backing out of Zahra's room. 

Alex arrived at the restaurant with the rest of his team, cringing at the horrified look on the faces of the waitstaff when twenty loud and sweaty 20-30-year-olds walked in. He ordered as politely as possible and sat in the booth across from Carver. 

“How are you feeling? He asked, gently nudging Alex’s arm.”You look like you’re a million miles away”

“I’m alright,” Alex said, sipping his diet coke “Just a bit nervous”

Carver nodded sympathetically, “If I was playing here last year I would be too. But we’re looking good. I’m sure we’ll win”

Alex nodded, “Some of the Reds are assholes too.”

“Oh yeah. You know Fox, the goalie?”

Alex nodded, “Do I ever. God, I hate that man”

Carver snickered,  “He was the backup for Florida while I was there. He was… weird.”

“Not surprised,” Alex said, “He was kinda an asshole to me last year”

“Yeah, I mean he wasn’t ever mean when I worked with him. We weren’t that close though, but still. He was really… standoffish. He spent like, half his time on the phone with his sister and the other half doing extra practices. I maybe had five full conversations with him the whole time we worked together.”

“Oh,” Alex said

Carver must have sensed the confusion in his voice because he quickly added “I mean, I don’t doubt it if you say he was a dick to you. He always kind of had an air that he thought he was better than everyone else.”

Alex nodded “He is an excellent player though, won’t deny that”

“Liam’s better” 

“Damn right, I am!” Liam's voice piped up from across the table, “And we’re going to crush Ottowa!”

The team cheered and banged their sil silverware against their plates, Alex stared apologetically at the startled-looking waitstaff and other diners.

The team finished up their meal and left the restaurant, (Ale leaving a very generous tip on his plate as an apology for the commotion, and the mashed potatoes that Quinn had launched onto the floor) Alex texted June and Nora on the way home

Alex: C14 used to play with Fox, he agrees that he’s an ass

bug: I never said he wasn’t!

Alex: just proving my point

Irl chaos demon: We all know you hate him. Tell me when he has a sex scandal or kills a coach or smth

Alex: can’t wait to shoot pucks at his head

A couple of hours later, the game was going well. But halfway through the second period, they were tied 1-1. Liam played well, but so did Fox. When Alex propelled himself onto the ice for the 7th time that game, there was a puck to him almost immediately. He passed to Patel, but it was intercepted almost immediately by a Reds defenseman, who was angling toward the goal. Alex looked at him, then over his shoulder at Fox. The second he saw the goalie, focused on the disk of rubber flying between sticks, there was that familiar bubbling in his stomach. Alex decided at that moment that it was pure burning hatred. Using the charge it gave him, he went straight for Hallman, the Red who currently had the puck, and checked him into the boards. Patel came up behind them and swept the puck out from between his legs, charging towards Fox. He passed to Sullivan, Sullivan to Carver. Alex Passed around the side of the rink, next to the board, and positioned himself about two yards from the net. Carver passed to him, he inched closer and shot high.

As Fox spread his arm to block the shot, he lost balance. Falling into Alex. And suddenly, for the second time in a month, they were fighting. Alex had no time to ditch his gloves, he rolled over, pinning Fox to the ground, and punched him once in the helmet. He flinched, but the helmet seemed to block him from any actual physical pain. Fox kicked upward. Jamming his knee underneath Alex’s stomach and rolling him onto his back, but before he could climb over Alex again, the referee pulled Fox back. 

Alex sat in the penalty box during his third penalty ever, and his second in two weeks. He was watching bitterly as Fox made another save. He made the mistake, halfway through, of glancing over at the balcony where Zahra was sitting, she was glaring daggers at him.

Almost the second he returned to the bench, he saw Ellen coming towards him again. Not even attempting to maintain eye contact Alex ducked his head in shame. 

“What did I fucking say, Diaz?” Ellen said, placing one hand on Alex’s shoulder and squeezing tight “What did I say? You’re lucky Zahra is going to fucking eat you alive or I would right now.”

About half an hour later and three minutes into the third period, Aronson, the Reds leading center, slipped a goal past Liam. This bumped the score to 2-1, ending the game in favor of the Reds. Heads were hung retreating out of the locker room. Alex barely listened to Ellen's closing speech. And got changed as fast as possible, praying that if he retreated fast enough, Zahra wouldn’t-

“Alexander Gabriel Diaz get over here”

Alex bared his teeth and turned to face Zahra. She was absolutely smoldering as she stood over him. Legs apart, lips pursed. 

“I’m sorry” Alex mumbled, hanging his head, “He was just-”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. This is a problem, Diaz. C’mon,” Zahra marched off down the hall, motioning for Alex to follow her. 

A couple minutes later they arrived in a spare changing room in the back of the Reds rink. Alex eyes a pile of files in the far corner and determined that Zahra was using this as a makeshift office. She sat along one of the benches lining the room, but Alex remained standing. 

“Two fights in seven games isn’t that bad” Alex proposed, “There are people in the league who do three times that. It’s not like I’m beating people up every game, or beating fans up with my shoe Milbury style. ”

“ Diaz ,” Zahra said, leaning her head against the wall, “It's not that I’m worried you're going to become some sort of record-breaking enforcer. I’m worried about the two totally unprompted fights with the same guy. People are starting to notice.”

“Who?” Alex asked, two fights were hardly anything to write home about but low and behold, Zahra pulled out her phone to an open news headline ‘ Ottowa Reds Goalie, Henry Fox, fights for the second time this season with Yellowhawks center Alex Diaz. ’

Zahra sighed, “We can’t afford to have any sort of rivalry, especially not involving Fox.”

This caught Alex’s attention. “Why not?”

“Because of the charity idiot,” Zahra exclaimed

“What charity ?” Alex asked, wrinkling his nose. Fox being involved in any kind of charity seemed almost impossible.

“Jesus Christ do you not pay any attention?” Zahra asked, Alex rolled his eyes but could feel his ears reddening as he did. “Fox’s whole, deal is the charity. The Jersey Fund. It helps underprivileged kids have access to hockey. I donate, coach donates. The issue here is that people want to donate to gentle people, good role models. If he's labeled as an enforcer or any sort of aggressive player whatsoever, the fund loses money.”

“Oh,” Alex said, fully blushing now. It was nice of Fox, of course. And Alex could kind of see why that may be viewed as an endearing trait to some. But for some reason, it makes the feeling in Alex’s stomach bubble up even more. “Well, it won’t happen again”

“Damn right, it won’t, even if that's what you said last time.” Zahra grumbled, “And, you're off the rest of the road trip”

“ WHAT? ” Alex shouted. “Because I got in two fights?”

Zahra nodded. “You’re staying here in Ottowa. The Reds have a three-day break after tonight, and Fox has two in-person events. You’re going to shake his goddam hand and smile at the cameras and go on and on about how selfless and sweet he is. You're going to go out for meals with him so the paparazzi can take your photo. And you're going to post on Insta and Twitter about how much of a saint he is.” She removed a piece of paper from her breast pocket, “Here’s his phone number. Text him to coordinate what you need to do”

Alex took the piece of paper, and groaned as soon as he saw the number in what he assumed was Fox’s loopy handwriting, “Isn’t there any other-”

“No.” Zahra cut him off, standing up and making for the door. “There’s none. And who knows, maybe you’ll become friends?”

“Not fucking likely.” Alex moaned. 

“Tough break hon” Nora’s voice echoed from Alex’s phone, which was propped up on the pillow of his hotel bed “Maybe you... shouldn’t have fought him”

“It’s so fucking dumb,” Alex said, yelling from across the room into Nora’s tiny face on the screen. He was halfway through getting ready for his first appearance, which was dinner at some weird Canadien restaurant. “If he was any other player in the league this would be no big deal. But because he’s the NHL’s golden boy-” 

“Jean Béliveau, but go on”

“I have to do this fucking thing”

“At least it’s for a good cause! You volunteer at charities all the time”

“Not with him ” Alex wrinkled his nose in disgust, “And that's another thing. Fox ? Starting a charity ? It just seems off.”

“What you think he's like, faking it?” Nora sneered, “You know, he may be a nice person.” She paused “And he’s cute, and so is his sister”

Alex groaned “Will you stop simping for five seconds and help me” He held up the suit that June had picked out for him, “You don’t think it’s too much?”

“Aw, you nervous about your date?” Nora teased, “The suit’s fine.”

Alex nodded and pulled off his shirt, while Nora’s voice continued behind him, ‘Have you ever actually had a conversation with the guy? I mean, other than the weird handshake thing, and stuff Liam has told you.”

“Well no, but he’s an asshole. I can tell. I mean doesn’t he just look like an asshole?”

Nora nodded her head and laughed, “I guess he kinda does…”

Alex laughed with her and ran a comb through his unruly hair. “Is June there? I want her opinion.”

“About the suit? I already told you, you look fine.”

“I want a second opinion!” Alex said, throwing up his hands “If this is gonna be in newspapers and shit I want to look good!”

“You look fine” Nora repeated, “It's just a dinner. If you're dressed too formally you can just ditch your jacket and tire in the car”

“Anyway, I’m off to eat, poutine, or something with a weird brit.”

Nora chuckled, “Bring me back some maple syrup”

“Love you”

“Love you more”

When he arrived at the restaurant, he eyed Fox. Already sitting down at a strategically placed outdoor table, looking at his phone. Alex could already see paparazzi in the bushes, crouched, camera ready

“Hey.” He said as he sat down, smiling for the cameras, then bent down and murmured “I’m smiling through the pain”

Fox rolled his eyes and fake-smiled back, “Nice to see you too. You’re dressed… well”

Alex looked down, and with a twinge of embarrassment, realized he was much more dressed up than Fox was, “Anything for The Net King, ” 

“I despise that nickname,” Fox said, grimacing, “It makes me sound like- like an egotistical fisherman”

Alex bit down a laugh and leaned forward for his napkin, he eyed Fox’s face. Up close, he saw that there was a bit of a bruise healing behind his right ear.

“Did I do that?” Alex wondered, keeping his camera smile on and pointing. Hopefully, from a media standpoint, it would look like they were joking about it

Fox’s hand went to the bruise “Yeah, I guess so.” He said, biting his lip

The next half hour went by relatively smoothly. He and Fox talked about the upcoming charity event. Alex grimaced through a play-by-play of what he was sure would prove to be a very boring evening, and entertained himself by inserting fake laughs for the benefit of the cameras at times he thought would be most inconvenient for Fox.

When they finished that, the two men sat in silence for a couple of minutes, finishing up their appetizers before Alex opened up the conversation again

“Why did you even start this charity anyway?”

“Well,” Fox took a sip of his water “A couple of years ago, I was still playing for Flordia so it was probably my second year in the league, I did a charity event at a homeless shelter. And there were dozens of kids there who went on and on about how they wanted to be hockey players. But it's an expensive sport to play. The skates, pads, and ice time, all cost money. So it started with me paying out of pocket to buy a couple of kids skates, then eventually I opened a separate account and had a portion of my paycheck deposited directly into there, and then, well it kind of unraveled from there.”

Before Alex could even begin to think about how to respond, he heard footsteps behind them. He turned to see a little, girl, no older than eight or nine, shyly walking up to them. Without any prompting, Fox slid from his chair and crouched down to her level. 

“Henry Fox? She squeaked, “I’m- uh- a big fan. Can I-er maybe have a photo?”

Fox’s face split automatically into a huge smile, a bit different from how he looked on the covers of tabloids. More genuine. “Of course, you may!” He grabbed the girl's phone from her outstretched hand and took a couple of selfies, Alex couldn’t help himself from smiling. It seemed like a genuinely tender moment between the two of them.

“What's your name?” Fox asked, giving the phone back to the girl

“Jenny,” she said back

“Do you follow hockey, Jenny?” 

Jenny nodded, “You’re my favorite player”

Fox laughed, much more genuinely than he had been for the rest of the meal “Good choice. Now can you tell me who that is,” He pointed behind himself at Alex

Jenny paused in thought for a moment “I’ll give you a hint,” Fox continued “he plays for The Yellowhawks.”

“Oh, I know! Alex Diaz!” Jenny said,

“You got it!” Fox replied holding his hand out for a high five, Alex waved to her from the table

A couple of minutes later, the girl disappeared and Fox returned to the table

“I think we can guess what will be on the cover of the tabloids tomorrow.”

Sure enough, Alex was woken the next morning to his phone going off

Z: Good job you little shit

The following message, also from Zahra, was yet another newspaper article, this time from a tabloid website

Henry Fox and Alexander Diaz spotted during adorable fan interaction during dinner at a restaurant in Ottowa.

Underneath the headline was an, admittedly cute photo of the two of them and Jenny. Henry crouched down, Alex waving.

Rolling out of bed, he stretched and reached for his shirt folded on the foot of his bed. The charity event started at Four, followed by another dinner afterward, for the sake of the tabloids. The tuxedo was called for this time, as had been very carefully outlined in the press team's agenda. 

The event was a relatively large get-together, with most of the fund's big donors. According to Zahra's texts, Alex’s job was to stand beside Henry as he gave his speech, and give a short speech of his own after (which had been completely written for him, despite Alex’s arguments that he was perfectly capable of doing it himself) All of this to make it clear to the press that he is in full support of Henry’s initiative.

When he arrived at the venue where the event was being held, he waited in his cab for Henry to arrive. 

“Hullo Diaz” Fox mumbled, poking his head through Alex’s window, they were strategically placed around the back of the venue, away from all cameras “You ready?”

“Unfortunately,” Alex sighed, trying his best not to think about the fact that at this exact moment, he would be on his way back to the rink from the hotel, probably singing car karaoke with Liam. But instead, he was wearing an uncomfortable tuxedo at a stuffy charity event with an insufferable British goalie.

As they walked into the venue, Alex at Fox’s shoulder, all heads turned to face them. Alex eyed a couple of familiar people in the crowd. The Reds goalie coach, Shaan Srivastava, their president Mary Montchristen, and a couple of low-level actors and comedians. It was infuriating to see Fox carrying himself with such confidence. Like he owns the place. It makes Alex want to scream.

When Fox stepped up to the podium Alex eyed his hands, his body was still but they were fidgeting with his signet ring behind his back. It struck him that Fox was nervous, this seemed almost as impossible as the charity itself.

Henry cleared his throat, and any remaining chatter in the room dispersed, 

“Thank you, everyone, for being here, your attendance is greatly appreciated. We thank all of you for donating to this cause. We have all seen firsthand the impact that a pair of skates, a helmet, or a hockey stick can have on a child's life. It's like giving them wings to fly, to dream big, and to believe that anything is possible. And it's all because of your contributions, your kindness, and your belief in the power of sport to change lives. And it’s because of your incredible generosity that we have the power to extend the charity from Canada to the U.S.” He held as the room politely applauded, “But even with this extension, our work is far from over. There are still countless kids out there who dream of gliding across the ice, but lack the means to do so. Together, we can make those dreams come true. Each donation, big or small, brings us closer to our goal of equipping every child with the tools they need to embrace the joy of hockey. To speak more about the American initiative, I would like to introduce Alex Diaz of the Dallas Yellowhawks!”

The room applauded again, as Alex moved to the podium, trying his best not to look at the cameras “Thank you so much, Henry. I am fortunate enough to come from a background that could afford to buy my gear and pay for my lessons, but there are millions of families in the U.S. and Canada who do not have the same privileges. I remember, growing up, being able to put on my skates and disappear. If only for a couple of minutes it felt like everything in the world was alright. So, I am thrilled to be able to introduce the American initiative of the Jersey Fund!”

The speech was disjointed and not at all meaningful, but the audience clapped for him nonetheless as he exited the stage. They sat afterward for another hour or so. But as the event rambled on, Alex had to keep removing his eyes from Fox. His hands were gently folded on the table. There was something about him that was beginning to creep up on Alex, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. All Alex knew was that Fox, possibly, wasn’t as bad as Alex had once thought.

Alex arrived at the dinner shortly after. They were positioned far enough from the cameras that they couldn’t be heard, as long as they look happy there won't be any issues with the tabloids.

The two men sat in silence for a couple of minutes, but after ordering, Fox spoke up. “Your speech was good”

Alex blinked, “Um- thanks. I didn’t write it.”

“Either way, I really believed you cared,” Henry said

“I do care,” Alex said, raising his eyebrows, “Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t care! I give to charities all the time!”

Fox ducked his head, and then looked back up at Alex, his eyes glowing from the dim light of the restaurant, “Why?”

“Why do I care?”

“Why don’t you like me?”

Ale paused for a second, “Because-because you hate me! Because you're always glaring at me from across the ice and making snide comments about my outfits and being an overall asshole to me!”

“I never once did any of those things!” Henry responded, “When have I ever done any of those things?”

Oh let me think,” Alex was having a harder and harder time keeping a pleasant expression on his face. “Maybe.. yesterday at dinner?”

Henry tilted his head I thought for a moment, before resting it in his hands “You mean the suit thing? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come off rude. I did think you looked nice.”

Alex shook his head, “Fine. You refused to shake my hand after game seven. Then you said something about me to Okonjo.”

Henry’s face flushed, and suddenly his entire aura of confidence “Oh. That. I- er- I was a bit- nervous?”

“Nervous,” Alex said, a bit surprised, “Why were you nervous”

“I was- I was a bit star-struck”

Alex’s eyes widened at this. Fox was starstruck, from him? Not only had he been in the league four years longer than him, but Fox of all people didn’t seem the type to get starstruck.

Fox must have seen the look of alarm on Alex’s’s face, because he continued “Not you, exactly. Your dad.”

“You were starstruck- because of my dad?

“Yes!” Henry said, suddenly animated, “I would watch videos of him all the time growing up! He was the reason I wanted to be a goalie.”

Alex stared at him, “Well, I’ll tell him that you said that”

Fox’s face turned even redder, “Oh god please don’t!”

“And then, get this, he said that he was starstruck, that he like, idolized dad or something,” Alex said. He had returned from dinner barely five minutes ago. He was sitting on the floor of his hotel room, shirt unbuttoned, tie and jacket ditched haphazardly on the floor, with June on Facetime in front of him. 

“It’s always weird when people say stuff like that about Dad.” June said, “Like when people say it about you, I can see where they’re coming from y’know? I’ve watched you get-” she threw up air quotes  “‘famous’. But with Dad, I’ve only ever seen videos”

Alex shrugged, “Fox is fun to make fun of anyway.”

Alex gets a text a couple of hours later, a link to an article from an unknown number. Alex was about to delete the text before the second text came in

239-555-1976: [attached article]

239-555-1976: This is Fox by the way

Alex clicked on the link, and the article it lead to was titled Seven Secrets the NHL Doesn’t Want You to Know The photo under the headline was of Alex and Couch Claremont, a bright red circle outlining their hands clasping. Alex swallowed a laugh and put his phone on his bedside table. No need to save the number, as he had no intent to respond. He sees Henry enough as it is. But a few hours later, he got a text from his father.

It was a screenshot from Etsy, a novelty mug. The text on the side read I’m not single, I’m dating Oscar Diaz in my mind

Dad: [attached image]

Alex: that's disgusting

Dad: Don’t underestimate your old man, I know how to pull

Alex: ew dad don’t say ‘pull’

Alex set his phone down, but after a moment, he grabbed it again. Going through his conversations, he clicked on the unknown number that he knew was Fox, and sent the image to him

Alex: [attached image]

Alex: i think i found your birthday gift

Chapter Text

Alex had a free day in Ottowa before the final event. He had contemplated going out, to look around the city, before realizing that there is quite literally nothing to do in Ottowa. Finally, he gave in and texted Fox:

Alex: what the fuck do you do all day?

British David Ayres: Train. Do paperwork for the fund. Call my sister

Alex: good idea. 

Alex: what's your sister's phone number?

British David Ayres: Wow. You’re hilarious.

There were a couple of minutes of silence from Fox, and then:

British David Ayres: I‘m heading to a public rink to clear my mind. You may come if you want.

And that's how, forty-five minutes later, Alex turned up in a  small public ice rink in the center of the city, wearing shorts and a tee shirt, and being gawked at by star-struck Canadiens. 

“Wow,” Alex said as they stepped on the ice “People here love hockey”

“The national sport of Canada is technically lacrosse” 

“God this country is dumb,” Alex said, “Isn't your guy's prime minister like… an underwear model or something” 

Fox snorted, “His dad was”

“Jesus Christ,” Alex said, 

After about an hour of skating, Alex piped up again, “Wanna race?” 

They were already going faster than most of the other people in the rink, but Alex’s feet were itching

“You’re a forward and I’m a goalie,” Fox said “You have an unfair advantage”

“Chicken.”

“I’m just saying-”

“Bawk bawk bawk” Alex cut him off

“Shut up! People are gonna see and take photos!’ He gestured to a woman and her husband skating slowly around the wall, whose attention had already begun to drift toward them. “Fine! From here to the door. First one has to buy lunch for the other. No crashing into people, no tripping, and whoever's closer to the center has to start further back.

Alex nodded. The full attention of the rink had turned to them at this point, and people had begun to back towards the walls. In a matter of seconds, almost everybody had cleared, and people had their phones out to film them.

They were off, Alex’s arms swinging to his sides. It was like sprints in practice, only this time his emotions were pure excitement, and the experience wasn’t tainted by Ellen yelling at him. He was in front, but barely. Henry was gaining on him. He sped up and crashed into the door. Arm raised triumphantly, the rink erupted in cheers before Alex pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a photo of the two of them, 

Fox skidded to a halt behind Alex, he was grinning ear to ear, despite his recent loss

“We’re going to get sushi,” Alex said

“Alright,” Fox clapped Alex on the arm. “I make more money than you anyway”

Alex turned to him, fake scandalized. “ How dare you ”

“If you want to pay then-”

“I’m not that dumb,” Alex said, cutting him off, “You’re still paying”   

The restaurant Alex chose was a sushi place about ten minutes from the rink, and much to his annoyance he was having a nice time. They had paid the bill and Alex was in the middle of recounting a story of when he was a teenager and had taken Nora to the ER after a fight in which he had thrown his skate at her. 

(“My sister knows her I think,” Fox said when Alex had introduced Nora to the conversation

“Yeah, she does. They met at some genius convention thing”)

When he completed the story, he looked up to see Fox staring him down

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” He said when he noticed, “I know I’m hot, but goddam”

Fox coughed, “I was just listening”

“Alright. You know how I got into hockey, but what about you? Don’t they only play, like, croquet in England?”

Fox laughed half-heartedly “Well, I started late. I was sixteen-”

“ Sixteen? ” Alex exclaimed “You were sixteen? You do realize most people in the league start when they’re like, four?”

“Yeah, I know. I started the summer before year 12. I had been playing sports before. I was a goalie in varsity soccer all through middle and high school.”

“Bragging much?” Alex mumbled, Fox shot him a look.

“ Anyway , I tried out for the high school, team, became captain a month or so later when the last captain transferred, and then was scouted by Harvard.”

“Harvard came to London for you?” Alex asked

Fox nodded, “Yeah.”

“So what made you decide to take up hockey?” Alex asked, dipping a piece of tuna sashimi in his soy sauce, “Was it just blazing admiration for my dad, or…”

Fox set his jaw and leaned back in his chair “My dad died” 

Alex stopped with his sushi halfway to his mouth, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry”

Fox nodded and stared at the table “Yeah… It was awful for my whole family. I barely remember it, just bits and pieces. Before he passed I wanted a desk job. To kind of, disappear. But one of the only things I remember is right after his diagnosis. He told me that I should always do what made me happy. I started playing because he loved it, it made me think of him. I kept playing because of what he told me”

Now it was Alex’s turn to stare

“Oh don’t give me that face,” Fox said when he looked back up, 

“I’m sorry,” Alex said, “I just- I had no idea”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” he said, half smiling and hauling his bag over his shoulder. “You should get back to the hotel and get changed, we have to be at the event in like three hours”

When Alex climbed into the Uber back to his apartment, he checked his phone to a missed call from June

“Hello?” He said as he picked up

“Hey. Where were you?” June's voice rang out from the other end

“I was at lunch with Fox”

June groaned, “I thought you only had to do two lunches. Did they add another one last minute or-”

“I wanted to,” Alex said

“Are you guys like- friends now?” June asked, “Because that was not on my bingo card”

“No.” Alex said although he didn’t quite know the answer “But he lost a bet and who am I to pass up a free meal?”

June laughed, “Alright. He seems nice enough though.”

“I promise you he’s not,” Alex said, “He’s such an asshole, just… less so now”

June snickered “ Anyway, you have that event at six and then you’re flying home tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be home at like, four”

“Alright, we love you, have fun”

“I won’t!” Alex said as he hung up

The event itself was a fundraiser dinner. His job was to sit next to Fox and smile at the cameras and make sure that it was clear that he fully supported the charity. He was sitting next to Fox, carefully spooning chicken into his mouth and having a conversation with some banker from Los Vegas, when he felt Fox tighten next to him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked when the Vegas banker went to talk to someone at another table.

“My brother.” Fox sighed, he was scrunching his napkin in his lap, Alex looked across the hall, and sure enough in the doorway was a man. His resemblance to Fox was undeniable. Piercing blue eyes and shiny blond hair. His hair was parted down the middle, he was wearing a white button-up shirt, a crisp blue suit, and had the vibe of a fifty-year-old finance manager who was done with life, although he couldn’t be older than thirty. The man looked around, and when he locked eyes with Fox, he approached the table. 

At that, Fox stood up and walked away through the double doors on the other side of the hall, saying something to the people guarding the doors before pushing through them. The man followed him but was stopped as soon as he got to the exit.

Alex watched along with the rest of the room, feeling a mixture of shock and horror as Fox’s brother was escorted out of the hall and out the front door. Acting on the same kind of instinct that carried him on the ice, he got up from his seat and walked out the doors that Henry had gone through moments before. 

The hallway had a lot of doors coming off of it, but when he opened the fourth one, he saw Fox sitting in the far corner, head in his hands.

“Hey,” Alex said softly, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay”

Fox looked up at him, his eyes were red and puffy with tears, “I’m fine” 

“Well, I can see now that you’re not. Do you want to like–um–talk about it?”

Fox smiled softly but shook his head “You don’t want to hear it. Just family stuff.”

“Stop being so dense,” Alex said, “You're upset, and I asked you, didn't I? That means I want to hear it”

Henry sighed and shook his head again “This summer, before training camp started, when I was recovering from my injury. My brother came to visit. He and I have never been super close, so I wasn’t expecting him. And he kinda er– he kind of walked in on me.”

“Doing what?” Alex asked, Fox looked at him, head tilted. “ Oh ”

Fox let out a rather unflattering half laugh, half sob noise, “Yeah. Anyway, he saw some shit, and now he says he’ll go to the press. He’s been holding it above my head for months, following me to events, all that shit”

“I mean, that sucks dude, but he’s gonna tell the press that you have sex? You’re a fully grown adult, that's not exactly unusual.”

Fox paused “He has the video.”

“Oh fuck”

He nodded, and continued, “A leaked sex tape of a hockey star. Is an awful thing. For me and the fund. Anyway, he’s been a prick to me for years. I don’t really think he would do it, but I just, don’t want him here. And this is going to make me seem like an absolute and total arse, but I don’t want to be here”

Alex tilted his head in thought, then flitted his eyes around the room. 

“Back window”

“What?” 

“ Henry, ” Alex realized in the back of his mind that it was the first time he had called him by his first name “Back window. Go out the back window, I’ll cover for you”

“I can’t-”

“You can and you will” Alex hauled him up by the forearm and pushed him towards the window, “Now go”

Henry did as he was asked, and Alex ran back to the main room

“I’m sorry everyone’ He announced to the room, “Mr. Fox was feeling a bit under the weather, and won’t be continuing with the event”

The room mumbled, but soon the conversation went back to normal, and Alex collapsed in his seat. Not three minutes later his phone dinged again. A photo of Henry, smiling halfheartedly in the back seat of a cab, giving a thumbs up to the camera

British David Ayres: [Attached image]

British David Ayres: Thank you

When the event drew to a close, Alex hailed a taxi and loaded his bags into the trunk. 

“Are you…” The taxi driver said, making eye contact with Alex through the mirror

“Take me to 590 River Road” He felt a bit bad for cutting her off, but there were more important things on his mind

On the way there, he shoots June and Nora a message

Alex: gonna miss my flight tonight. have to deal with a personal thing, I’ll fly down in the morning and be there by tomorrow night

bug: Everything alright?

Alex: yeah, it’s all fine. there's just some… stuff going on

When they pulled into the driveway of Henry’s house, Alex tumbled out of the car, grabbed his bags from the trunk, and began to slowly walk up the drive. Henry’s house was sprawling. There was a large white gate surrounding a yard with a pool and a couple of yards of grass. He could see a white car parked in front of the garage.  As he walked up the stone path leading to the door, he looked around for any sign of Henry, but it seemed more like a house you would see on the cover of a real estate magazine than one someone lived in.

His hand was shaking as he reached for the doorway. There was no reason for him to be this nervous, he was only checking on his friend. Not even his friend, his acquaintance. But for some reason, he had to take a few deep breaths to calm his nerves.

Finally, he bit the bullet and rang the doorbell. Henry answered a couple of seconds later. He was wearing sweatpants and a plain white tee shirt that seemed to be a couple of sizes too small for him, there was a turquoise spiralbound notebook shoved under one arm, a pen in the spine.

“Just wanted to check on you,” Alex said, in response to Henry’s questioning look. “Are you… alright?”

“That’s, quite nice of you.” Henry said, he looked incredibly taken aback by Alex’s appearance, and even more by his genuine concern “Yeah I’m doing alright.”

“Good to hear!” Alex smiled, and Henry offered up a weak one in return. “Your brother hasn’t been bothering you?”

Henry shook his head, “He’s an ass , but I think it's been taken care of. I went to my security officer and I think they made him delete the video”

“That's great!” Alex said, “You don’t have to worry anymore”

Henry opened his mouth to reply, but just then he was cut off by the sound of barking behind him

“You have a dog ?” Alex asked

“Um yeah.” Henry paused, “Do you want to, um, come in?”

“Don't be nervous man, yeah I’ll come in” 

Henry’s house was just as dull on the inside as it was outside. The living room had a color pattern of beige and tan. The only distinguishing factors were an oak piano in one corner, a dog bed in the other, and a couple of framed photographs on the mantel. Sitting on the floor in front of it, was a brown and white beagle.

“What’s his name?” 

“David,” Henry said, and Alex saw him hastily shoving his notebook underneath the couch cushion, but decided not to comment on it

“David’s a dumb name for a dog,” Alex said instead, scratching him behind the ears, “He’s cute though”

Henry sat silently in a chair across from Alex. It occurred to him how different this Henry was from the one he saw in interviews or heard on the radio. All that artificial confidence washed away the second he was out of the public eye. There was something… nice about it. Something that Alex couldn’t quite put his finger on.

He approached the photographs next. There were three. One of the Reds, holding the cup last year, one of Henry and a red-headed girl that he recognized from Nora's Instagram to be his sister, and the third was a much younger Henry who couldn't be more than 16. He was standing with one arm around a man who was undeniably Henry’s father. He had Henry’s piercing blue eyes and golden hair. 

“Your dad?” Alex asked softly

“That was taken about a month before his diagnosis,” Henry said, approaching Alex from behind

“He looks just like you,” Alex said

Henry half-laughed, “Yeah he’s got strong genetics”

“What about your mom?” Alex asks, but the turn in Henry’s face instantly makes him regret asking, “Um– I mean you do not have to talk about it if you don’t want to”

“It’s- it's alright.” Henry looked Alex in the eyes “She’s not a huge part of my life. The grief hit her hard, I mean it hit all of us hard, but her especially. She tries, she just, can’t”

“Oh.” Alex tilted his head at Henry, he realized this was the first time that he had allowed himself to just look at him. To enable himself to revel in his features. His hair was effortlessly brushed back, and his mouth was ever so slightly open. There was an extra pinkness to his lips that Alex assumed had come from the half-empty bottle of wine on the kitchen table. He turned, and Alex could see his hair standing up in the back. 

Henry looked back around to see Alex staring him down, and all of a sudden his ears turned pink. 

“Anyway,” He said, standing up suddenly “You should go, don’t you have a flight to catch?”

“I, er, canceled it,” Alex said, suddenly very self-conscious

Henry’s eyes widened, “Why?”

“This was more important. I’ll see my family tomorrow. This is better any way I would have been sleeping all day if I had flown overnight. I’ll just book a hotel”

“No. I mean, you shouldn’t do that. I have a guest room. Just stay here.”

Henry’s guest room was just as bland as the rest of his house. It was a small-sosh room off the main Living room. However, the bed looked comfortable and Alex wasn’t one to give up free housing.

“There's, er- ice cream in the fridge from when my sister was here. If you want that” 

“Thanks” Alex lay his hand on Henry’s arm, feeling him immediately flex under his touch, “But really, it's fine”

After about six hours of trying, and failing to get to sleep, he got up and left the room. As he walked down the hallway, he saw one door standing ajar. It was a small room, with a ladder leading up to the ceiling. 

After a couple of seconds of contemplation, Alex hoisted himself onto the first rung, ignoring the sting of the ladder digging into his fingers. It opened up to the roof, Henry was sitting there, a towel under him, staring up at the stars

“Hey,” He said, setting the box of Cornetto’s he had taken from the fridge on the floor beside him them. He saw Henry’s shoulders tighten the second he entered but, he didn’t turn to face him.

“Did I wake you?” Henry asked. His hair was messed up on one side, and he was wearing a league-issued t-shirt and sweatpants.

“No,” Alex said, “Just couldn’t sleep”

“Been there.” Henry reached out to grab a Cornetto, but drew back his hand “One left”

“You take it, I mostly brought them for you” Henry nodded and grabbed a cone, “Are you stargazing?”

“Yes. It's relaxing. If I can’t sleep at least I can be calm.” Henry turned to Alex fully for the first time. Alex felt a chill run up his spine as their piercing blue eyes met. 

They sat in silence for a moment, before Henry spoke again, his voice low against the silence of the night “So… I’ve told you about my family issues, now your turn to tell me about yours”

Alex exhaled through his nose. “Alright. You know about my dad. My parents divorced when I was young. So me and my sister live with him, I don't know my mom”

“Is that hard on you?” Henry asked

Alex shrugged “Not really. My dad was retired by the time Mom left. He was great, still is”

“You never wonder? Or wish?” 

“Sometimes. More so when I was younger. I guess I never figured I really needed a mom, y’know? Between my Dad and Nora’s grandparents I had all I really needed,” Alex shrugged again, “I grew up around all these horror stories of kids with divorced parents. Getting caught up in their parent's custody battles or having to live with their parents screaming at each other every day or growing up without parental figures at all, but compared to that, my life was… great.”

“Must be cool to have a parent who’s so supportive” Henry said

Alex up “Your parents… weren’t like that?”

Henry sighed, “My dad was, but after he died two years before college, my mum wanted me to go into, like, finance. But I wanted to play. So I just did it”

“How’d you do it?” Alex asked. His voice was the same tone he had during those painful, simulated conversations they had for the press, but this time it was different. More than fake curiosity, more than even genuine interest, Alex felt like he would die if he didn’t find out

 “I applied behind my mum's back and sent everything out with my sister's help. God- if I didn’t have Bea I would–” Henry put his head in his hands

“You two are close? Alex asked

Henry nodded, “When I got the letter from Harvard my sister missed two days of classes to drive back home and open it together. When we found out she yelled louder than me. She’s the one that explained to Mum and Philip what was happening the day I left for my freshman year. They were appalled, but I knew what I wanted to do. I stayed with her and her friends, in the summer and during holidays, until I got signed, Junior year. She was the one who I invited to the draft, who comes to my most important games, she er– kinda stepped in for Mum and Pip”

“Have you- um, talked to them since? Your mom and brother?” Alex asked, he had half a mind to reach out to hold Henry’s hand, he looked more vulnerable than he even had crying in the backrooms at the event, and tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes again “I mean, other than the tape.”

“Mum eventually came around. Like I said, she tries. Pip on the other hand... there are a lot of reasons why the two of us don't really–er mesh.”

Alex nodded solemnly.

“Alright,” Henry said wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, “Enough depressing stuff, Tell me about... You”

Alex chuckled, “What about me?”

“Just… your life.”

And suddenly Alex was talking. More fluidly than he ever did with someone that wasn't June or Nora. About late nights at the rink, about his first pair of professional skates. About racing June for hours while his dad gave him advice. About one fall day in his junior year when he beat his dad for the first time. Non-hockey things too. The nights the two of them stayed up late watching old movies. How they had celebrated when June got hired to write political pieces a few days after her seventeenth birthday. His invitation for Nora, whose grandparents had practically acted as Alex’s own, to move in with them after her MIT graduation. 

A few hours later, Alex could see the sun beginning to come up over the horizon. They had lain down sometime in their conversations. Their shoulders were very close together now. And then he looked over at him, and all of a sudden their noses, were very, very close together, and if he wanted to, Alex could lean in and-

“You better get going,” Henry said, sitting up “You have an early flight.”

In the Uber on the way to the airport, Alex felt his phone buzz on his lap

British David Ayres: [Attached image]

British David Ayres: David misses you.

Alex: i miss him

Alex: what kind of name is David for a dog anyway?

British David Ayres: After Bowie

Alex: azsxdcfvgbhnj no way

British David Ayres: I can be interesting!

The next few weeks were more stressful than usual. The first couple of days back in Dallas mainly consisted of him getting back on his feet. He underestimated the effect that four days without training could have on him. He played well in his first few games, but not his best. Then it went back to his routine. Through the whirlwind of games, practices, and interviews, Henry was there, in the back of his mind, sending absurd text messages at impossible hours of the night. A screenshot of Alex during an interview making an obscene face or some odd American jokes

Whenever Alex was stressed out he would send him a message. Whenever he had lost a game Henry was there with the teasing, although it seemed more endearing than rude. Alex had taken a liking to watching Reds games whenever the could—taking selfies of him and June and sending them to Henry to see between periods. Every once in a while, his mind would wander to the two of them lying there, under the stars.

They had also become each other's default for ranting, which is why Alex, barricaded in his room at 3:00 AM, had the instinct to call Henry.

“What in the world have you done this time?’ He asked, his voice echoing from Alex’s phone.

“Probably something very dumb,” Alex said, putting his head in his hands

As if on cue, Nora screamed from the other end of the door, “OH MY GOD ALEX WHY?”

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” Henry said, “What. Did. You. Do?”

Alex sighed and put his head in his hands, “I may or may not have put a spider in Nora’s bedroom….”

Henry groaned, “Why in the world would you do something like that?”

“She was being an asshole!”

“So you infested her room with arachnids?”

“Just one!” Alex protested

“Oh my god” Henry chuckled from the other end, “Oh my god ”

“I know. I’m an idiot”

“You certainly are!”

“I’m kind of regretting it now-”

“Then take it out, ” Henry said, “This isn't going to end well for anyone ”

“I can’t. I have to commit to the bit” Alex paused, “Also I don’t exactly love spiders either”

“You are impossible, ” Henry said, “Why are you calling me anyway?”

Alex shrugged, “Liam’s probably asleep, and I needed someone to… talk to.”

“Oh. “ Henry paused for a second, then: “Thank you?”

“So what are you doing?” Alex asked, trying to ignore Nora's screams from the other side of the door

“Reading.”

Alex paused, “Nice. I forgot how much of a nerd you are.”

“I forgot you were illiterate.” Henry retorted

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, he heard pounding from the other side of the door

“Alexander Gabriel Diaz let me in,” June’s voice said “I’m going to fucking murder you”

“I’m on the phone,” Alex said, Henry snickered

“That doesn't work if you almost kill my– our best friend,” June said

“Turantula’s aren’t poisonous,” Alex said, “she’ll be fine”

June's muffled voice seeped through the door, "Alex if you don't let me in right now, I will hire Zahra to take out a hit on you”

"Okay, okay, fine!" Alex groaned, throwing the door open to reveal a fuming Nora and an irritated June.

Nora stormed past him, shooting him a death glare. "You're lucky I didn't have a heart attack!"

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were so arachnophobic," Alex grumbled

Henry's laughter echoed from the phone. "I told you this would backfire."

“ Thank you, Henry,” June said, “We should have you move in here, bring some peace”

Henry laughed awkwardly “Oh, er– thank you?”

“Hate to interrupt your guys bonding,” Nora said, wringing out her hands “But what are we going to do about the spider?”

“I have an idea,” June said, turning to look at Alex

Alex’s eye widened "You better not be implying I try to catch it”

“That is exactly what I am implying Alexander” Nora said, “This is your fault”

Henry's piped up, "Just make sure you don't accidentally let it crawl up you."

“Fuck off Henry,” Alex said, “I’m not doing it”

“You better fucking do it or we sleep here tonight,” June said 

“ And I thought you said they weren't poisonous?” Henry said “Just do it”

Alex threw up his hands, “ Fine! Fine.”

Alex shoved his phone into June's hands, before he pushed open the door, and disappeared into the hallway.

“We thank you for your service,” Nora called after him

As the seconds ticked by, they could hear some muffled shouts, a few soft thumps, and finally, the unmistakable sound of triumphant laughter.

"He did it," June said, her irritation replaced with reluctant amusement.

There were a few more seconds of silence, then the sound of the front door creaking open, and then shutting again, before Alex stomped back up the stairs and into their room.

"Spider's out. Crisis averted." Alex said, holding his arms out for applause, he was met with an empty stare by June, and a sigh on Henry’s part.

Nora conveyed her thanks in a nod of approval. "Alright."

“No thank you’s? ” Alex asked, “I risked my life for you guys out there.”

“The only thing you did is let a fucking spider loose in my bedroom!” Nora said, “I’m not praising you for doing the bare minimum!”

“Get out of my room” Alex deadpanned, “And give me back Henry’s disembodied voice”

June and Nora simultaneously rolled their eyes, but obliged, June shoving the phone into Alex’s chest on her way out

“Your friends seem fun,” Henry said, once he heard the door shut.

“They are… certainly an experience.” Alex responded, “I love them though.”

“I can tell. They seem to complement each other as well.” Alex bit his lip as he noticed how Henry rounded out the vowels, and suddenly he realized just how hot his room was.

“Yeah…” Alex trailed off

There were a few more moments of silence from Henry’s end, before he spoke again, “I have to go now…”
Alex nodded, “Alright. I’ll see you… soon.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Henry said. There were a couple of seconds before he hung up, where Alex could hear Henry breathing over the other side of the phone.

Alex fell back into his bed, suddenly realizing the time and the fact that he had a game the next day. He cradled the phone to his chest silently and smiled up at the ceiling. 

Chapter Text

"Who are you texting?" Nora asked, swinging her legs over the back of the couch

"No one," Alex replied casually

Nora arched an eyebrow "So you're smiling like an idiot at no one?"

"Just Henry," Alex confessed with a slight shrug. "And I am not smiling like an idiot."

“You so were,” Nora said giving him a playful shove "It's cool you guys became friends."

"What?" Alex's head snapped up, his cheeks reddening slightly. "We are not. He's an acquaintance at best."

Nora leaned against the couch, "Hate to break it to you, babe, but you've been texting him every day since that charity thing. You waste all of your free evenings watching his games and teasing him about them. You've barely been noticing anything else that's been going on."

Alex scrunched his nose "That doesn't mean—"

 "Don’t take this the wrong way man, I'm glad that you've found yourself a real friend."

"I have friends," Alex protested

Nora held up a hand, ticking off her fingers. "Yeah, me—someone you've known since high school—and your big sister."

"I have friends on the team! Liam!" 

"When was the last time you texted any of him about something other than hockey? Or the last time you went out to lunch without Ellen or Zahra telling you to?"

Alex's expression faltered, his gaze dropping to the floor, Nora continued "Henry seems nice enough, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

A small sigh escaped him, and he glanced back at Nora. "I guess not. Wait a minute though, what do you mean by 'hardly noticing anything that's going on around me?’ Did something happen?"

As if on cue, June came through the doorway and wrapped her arms around Nora from behind, gently pecking her on the cheek

“Wait a minute, are you two-”

Nora laughed, “You oblivious idiot.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know” June said

Alex threw his hands in the air, “I mean, I’m happy for you! But you didn’t think to, I don’t know, mention it?”

“You were busy” June leaned over and kissed Nora again, this time on the lips.

“ And we thought it would be more fun to watch you squirm” Nora added

“I had no idea, how long has this–”

“Like a month,” June said, her smile widening

“A month ? How did I not figure that out?”

“I have no fucking clue,” Nora said, “We weren’t trying to be sneaky. We also kissed in front of you like, three times”

“I thought you were supposed to be smart,” June responded

“Give him a break,” Nora said, playfully nudging June in the arm “He was too busy being Henry’s personal cheerleader”

“Okay, okay, I get it, I’m an idiot.”

“Correct you are Alexander,” June said

Alex rolled his eyes  “You guys are never going to let me forget this, are you?”

“No,” June said, squeezing Nora from behind

“I can’t believe this. Henry will be on my side here” Alex said, picking up his phone

Alex: I JUST FOUND OUT JUNE AND NORA ARE DATING

British David Ayres: I may have known that

Alex: stfu you did not

British David Ayres: Yes, I did

British David Ayres: Bea told me

“YOU TOLD BEA BEFORE ME?” Alex yelled over his shoulder to Nora, who had retreated to her position at the kitchen table, eating Cheetoes and staring at her computer June had joined her, and was vigorously typing on her own laptop,

“It was fun watching you be oblivious,” Nora said, not looking up

“Fuck off both of you,” Alex said when Henry’s call connected

“Why did you call me?” Henry asked

“Because I need to tell you both off and my fingers are getting sore. Why are you hiding this shit from me?”

“Because mate, you are kind of oblivious,” Henry said

“Kind of? He’s totally oblivious” Nora chimed in

“I hate you both” 

“No you don’t,” They said in unison

“Is there any other information that you guys need to tell me? Henry, are you secretly dating Okonjo? Is Dad sleeping with Ellen?”

“Ew, Alex why did your mind go there first?” Nora asked, finally looking up from her computer

“Just covering all the scandalous bases.” Alex said, smiling a bit, then he looked down at his screen, “Henry… where are you?”

“Locker room, we’ve just finished morning skate.”

“Your locker rooms are so nice! Ours look like dogshit”

“I’m aware, I’ve been in your locker rooms.”

“Yeah but why are yours so much nicer?”

“Maybe being from an area where people actually care about hockey helps” Henry said

“People care here!” Alex protested

“In a hockey-caring competition, I think Ontario beats Texas” Nora piped up again from the back

“Also, need I remind you who won the cup last year?” Henry said

“Need I remind you, to fuck off?” Alex retorted, “So, what does your guy's schedule look like coming up?”

“We’ve got a game against Flordia tomorrow, then Toronto on Saturday, then we fly to Arizona, have two days there, game the third day, and fly home”

 “I don’t even get how this sport came into existence in the first place” Nora interjected from her spot, her voice tinged with a mix of amusement and bewilderment.

“How so?” Henry asked

“Well, whoever came up with this pretty much went, ‘Let’s get a group of the most unstable population on the earth, 20-something men, and get them really jacked’--don’t give me that look Alexander- ‘then, we’re going to make them angry, give them really big sticks, hunks of rubber, and strap knives to their feet. And then just let them go at each other’”

“I mean, we’re not allowed to … kill each other.” Alex protested

“If you go out into the street and start hitting someone repeatedly with a stick until they get a concussion, you would go to jail. If you do that during a game, you get a three-game suspension ” Nora said, raising her glass metter-of-factly

“She’s got a point,” Henry said

“Fuck off both of you!’ Alex said, “Nora if you keep going with this. I’ll tell Henry about Peter Johansen’s tenth-grade birthday party”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!’ Nora yelled, standing up to lunge at Alex, attempting to grab the phone from him. Alex was stronger, but Nora was determined, and soon they were caught in a wrestling match with Henry’s face.

“You guys are insane,” Henry's voice came through the speaker, but there was a hint of a laugh through the mock-horror

 Nora managed to pin Alex down for a brief moment, triumphant, before Alex rolled over again, his phone still clutched in his hand

“But seriously, I hope you're not destroying your living room in the process.” 

Alex wriggled out of Nora's grasp, catching his breath. “Nah, we're professionals.”

“Well, keep up the entertainment, you two. I should probably get some rest before the game.” 

 As the call ended, Alex and Nora collapsed onto the couch, both slightly out of breath but grinning from ear to ear. 

“I’ve started to like that guy,” Nora said as she peeled herself off Alex

“Yeah, I guess so.” Alex said, “He’s alright. We were talking a couple of weeks ago when I was in Dallas for the charity thing. We–”

“Is this going to be something I care about?” Nora asked like there was nothing he could say that would make her at all interested

“If you don’t want the hear it then–”

“No, tell me. It's just that you talk about that trip every fucking day.”

“It was important.  I was just going to say that he’s had a pretty rough life” 

“ Oh, ” Nora said, she looked a bit guilty about her reaction “Yeah he has, his sister too. She was in rehab for a while, cocaine. After her dad died. It seemed like it was hard on the whole family”

“Oh wow.” Alex said, “That’s heavy”

“Yeah. Poor kids.” Nora shrugged, “Their brother also seems like an entitled asshole, we take it for granted, how good our life is.”

“We do” Alex nodded solemnly, “It kinda, keeps us grounded about, you know?”

“Look at you being all philosophical,” She said, ruffling his hair, the smile back on her face “You're growing up so fast”

“Not the hair, ” Alex said, batting her hand out of the way, “I spent so long on it!”

“You haven't left the house today you weirdo!” Nora said

“Yeah, but when it’s not in my helmet I like to have some fun with it!”

Nora responded to this by ruffling it more,

“Fuck off Nora,” Alex said, attempting to flatten it back into place, just then his phone buzzed again

Z: Can you hop on a call real fast?

“I’ve gotta take this, sorry,” He hopped up from the couch and made for his bedroom, shutting the door behind him before answering 

“Hey,”

“Hey Alex, sorry to disturb you. We were just wondering if you would be willing to do something else for the charity”

“I thought I’ve done my time?” Alex asked, “Do I have a warrant in another state or something?”

“You’re very funny. And no, technically you don't have to do anything else, but Henry’s going to be in Arizona with two days off, so you can fly down the day before your game. It would take all day, but it would really help the initiative”

“What is it?” 

“It's a commercial, kind of. Just a video for the website, outlining the new initiative and everything. You wouldn’t be paid, but it would look good on your image and would be helpful for the fund.” Zahra hesitated for a moment before adding, “And Fox asked for you specifically-”

“I’ll do it,” Alex said, he wasn't quite sure why, but something about hearing that he had been asked for specifically sent a tingle up his spine.

Zahra coughed “Alright. You seem awfully keen kid.”

“I just… really care about those kids”

“Cute. I’ll send you the info”

Henry <[email protected]> 12/2/23 11:36 PM 

Advice

To: Alexander Diaz

Mediocre center on a mediocre team

I thank you for agreeing to come to my charity event. It’s been quite helpful to have a ”buddy” of sorts, I believe Zahra informed you of the positive effect that your presence has had on the fund. It strikes me as quite odd, that you no longer are required to contribute, but you do so anyway.

I was wondering if you had any feedback concerning the commercial itself? My public image is completely managed by the team, and although I do thank them dearly for it, it sometimes makes it quite difficult for me to determine my course of action when it comes to these things.

Sincerely

Henry Fox

Alex <[email protected]> 12/3/23 12:01 AM 

Re: Advice

To: The king of oddly formal late-night emails

I find it a bit odd that you have selected such a formal tone and medium for our charity-related communications, however, I do suppose this is technically a professional issue, and I will follow suit (but don’t get it twisted, I am mocking you)

I am not at all surprised that you have a PR team running your image, after all, you do text with the perfect grammar and have the cadence of a seventy-five-year-old woman.

You should wear a blue suit to the event, it brings out your eyes. Also, a fun tie. It’s a charity event, not a finance meeting. 

Signed

Alexander Gabriel Diaz

Dallas Yellowhawks Center

Calder Memorial Trophy Winner

Henry <[email protected]> 11 /3/23 12:25 PM 

Re: Advice

To: Meaningless trophy-winning asshole

Your modesty will go down in history Alexander. And I agree, of course, that a formal occasion calls for formal emails, especially when discussing confidential information. Although your teasing does defeat the purpose a bit.

While I thank you for your (unsolicited) suit advice. I will almost definitely not listen to it, as you are not the person I am trying to impress. Also, I don’t understand your issues with my ties, although I know you well enough to understand that you enjoy picking fights out of anything. My team was wondering if you had any film experience. I told them no, and I hope I assumed correctly, you just don’t really seem the type.

I, for one, sat on the set of a few commercials with my father. He was a brilliant stage actor, but his work never bled out of England. I have memories of that day, sitting on his chair as he walked through the movements, Bea and Pip were rarely taken. She had no desire, and he found the whole thing rather silly. Even from a young age, he was an asshole. On those days, I would be able to watch my father in his element, as I got older I began to go to his shows, but it was in those early years, seeing him so happy, that I wished I could be like him. As open as he was. It was those moments, and what he taught me until he died, that persuaded me to go into doing what I loved.

All this to say, I have significantly more experience in this field than you, so perhaps you could consider following my advice, instead of ordering me around.

Sincerely

H.G.E.J.F.

“Wait wait wait let's start from the beginning” Alex was sitting in his room, legs crossed, and his phone propped up on the pillow in front of him, Henry staring up at him from the Facetime

 “I don’t know why I agreed to this. I was just on sets sometimes, I am in no way an actor” Henry groaned

“You agreed because it feels good to do good things” Alex prompted

“I’m sorry, remind me who started this charity and who had to be punished into contributing?” Henry said

“I am doing this commercial out of the goodness of my heart Henry I-don’t-know-your-middle-name Fox”

“You’re doing it out of your insane thirst for publicity” Henry retorted, “and if you must know, my middle name is George Edward James”

“Oh my god, ” Alex said, eyes wide, “No way”

“Yes way, ” Henry said, “It’s rather embarrassing but-”

“It’s super embarrassing. You sound like- like an evil British fox hunter or something”

“Well, I am British”

“Hold on H.G.E.J.F. stands for Henry George Edward James Fox?”

“Yes.”

“ Henry George Edward James Fox ”

Henry groaned “Will you not-”

“That's ridiculous!”

“Alright, what is your middle name then”

“Gabriel, you know, like a normal human name”

Henry through his hand in the air launching his script in exasperation “All three of those are very common human names” 

“Yeah, too common”

“Your first name is Alex , that is an exceptionally common name.  Although I’m assuming it is after the founding father, knowing your Father's fascination with American history-”

“Wow, you’re such a fangirl”

“Shut up. And I’m named after royalty . That’s cool”

“No. No, it is not, and Alexander Hamilton is like, basically royalty”

Henry rolled his eyes “No he’s not, he wasn’t even president. According to Hamilton ”

“Oh don't tell me you're a theater kid on top of being an english major”

Henry laughed, “Perhaps a bit during grade school, although I was much more interested in the classics.”

“Oh my god you’re such a nerd ”

“Coward did amazing things with-”

And then Henry was off, talking animatedly with his hands waving around. Alex rolled his eyes. It was quite annoying, that even with this friendly energy now surrounding them, he still felt that familiar, unexplainable, bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Henry talked for what felt like hours, punctuated only by Alex’s threats to hang up, although for some reason it took ages to bring himself to do it. 

The morning of the shoot Alex turned up early. For some reason, the thought of seeing Henry again after weeks of only Facetime, texting, and emailing seemed… daunting. But when he saw Henry round the corner, his first thought was that he was wearing a crisp, blue, suit”

“You took my advice,” Alex said

Henry’s ears turned pink “Oh! Erm- yes. I realized that it would probably–er turn up better on camera. Is it awful?” 

“No! You look… nice” 

Henry opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, they were swept into the backrooms for hair and makeup. There was light conversation popcorning between them the whole time. Much more fluid than they had in the past,  but a million times more ridgid than it had been that night on the roof. It struck Alex that this was the first time that he had been in Henry’s presence willingly. 

“Alright, you two,” The director said, she was a tall woman who had the most brilliant red hair Alex had ever seen, “You guys know what to say?” 

Alex elbowed Henry in the ribs and grinned, “I do! Not sure about him though.”

“Yes, I do” Henry laughed, shaking off Alex’s attack, “I swear”

The script was stunted, but it got the point across, and for some reason, it was easier to bounce off of Henry in person, when he could see him.

“Nice job,” Henry said, when the director called for a break “I can see you making something of yourself in this industry”

“I definitely could,” Alex said, “I’m hot as fuck, and you don't need the talent to make it in Hollywood anymore”

“We all admire your modesty,” Henry said “But if you are on the topic of looks, we might have some debate.”

“Are you trying to say that you’re hotter than me?”

“Remind me; which one of us has been on the cover of Vogue?”

“You’ve been in the league longer than me!”

Henry sucked his teeth “Excuses, excuses”

Alex had wandered to craft at this point and threw a Cornetto over his shoulder at Henry.

 “These delectable things,” Henry said, ripping off the wrapper “I think I’m addicted”

Alex laughed and unwrapped his own, bit off the bottom of the cone, and began to suck the ice cream out of it,

“That’s revolting, ” Henry said

“No, it’s not! You get the ice cream, and then you can just eat the cone. Plus, no mess.” He licked his lips “Bonus points if it weirds you out though”

They stood in silence for a few seconds, smiling at each other, that feeling in Alex’s stomach bubbled again

"Well,” Henry said, breaking the silence, “If you're done being a weirdo with your ice cream, we should probably get back to the set," 

Alex saluted with his half-eaten cone. "Yes, sir! Back to the riveting world of promoting charitable giving."

Henry bit his lip to keep from laughing, and returned to the set, trashing his Cornetto wrapper as he went. 

The next couple of takes went smoothly, but Alex couldn't help but notice that Henry, contrary to what he said in Facetime, had definitely gotten his father's acting gene. There was no doubt in his mind that, even though the lines and information were evenly spread between them, Henry was the star of this shoot. However, and much to Alex’s surprise, there was no sense of resentment or jealousy in Alex’s stomach, instead, he felt something like pride. He was proud of Henry, and he didn't even want to think about what this said about him.

“Can you look at the camera a bit more, Alex?” The red-haired director said, “Instead of staring down Henry”

“Oh, um-yeah, sorry” Alex coughed, straightening his tie, “Can we do that take again?”

The director nodded, but as they continued, it became harder and harder for Alex not to stare at Henry. It was infuriating because there was no real reason he should feel the need to be staring at his friend. There was no reason that he should feel the need to stare him in his piercing blue eyes and shiny blonde hair and perfect white teeth. But he did. 

“Hello Alex?’ Henry said, “You still there?”

“Oh, um–yeah sorry. Just zoned out. I haven’t been sleeping well lately”

“I hear that,” Henry said, “Are you sure that you’re alright? Ae can always take a break if you need to”

“I’m fine, I promise” Alex laughed, Let's get back to it”

“Well that was.. fun,” Alex said as they were exiting the set

“Fun is one word for it” Henry responded, “But we did a good thing, and now we can go get extremely tanked” 

Alex whooped in approval “I invited June and Nora too, they got there like an hour ago.”

“What are the odds that they’re already drunk?” Henry asked

“Oh, 100%. They’re probably teasing some poor bartender right now. I’m happy that they’re together of course, but knowing them, they will NOT stop flirting with randos at bars, only now they’ll all be rejected”

Henry shrugged and continued walking, swinging his backpack with one hand. “I just need some alcohol in my system”

The club that they had agreed to go to was bustling and loaded. They caught sight of Nora and June from the other side of the room, and judging by the ankle June was standing at, and the number of empty glasses in front of them, Alex’s assumption was correct

“Hey!” June waved them down “How was it?”

“Fine,” Alex said, grabbing a shot of tequila out of Nora’s hand and downing it, “Now I’m ready to get intoxicated”

Henry nodded in agreement, and promptly turned to the bartender and ordered a martini, 

“God you are such an old man,” Alex said when it was set in front of him

“Gin gets you drunk,” Henry said, “What do you-” But before he could finish, a tall brunette in a tight black dress approached him from behind

“Hey,” she said, tracing a finger over Henry’s shoulder, “Wanna dance?”

Alex raised his eyebrows, but Henry ducked out of her grasp, “No thank you”

A few minutes later, what seemed to be the entirety of a bachelorette party approached them. Two of the women put their arms around Alex’s shoulder. Another girl came up behind Henry and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Hey.” She said, licking her lips

Henry ducked out of her grasp and laughed awkwardly. Turning to Alex.  

Under his breath, he said “This is awful”

She shrugged and walked away, the other girls in the group followed her, but Alex looked up at him with betrayal in his eyes, June and Nora made eye contact over the empty glasses.
“What was that?” Alex asked, “She was totally into you”

Henry coughed, “Not feeling it right now”

Alex stared him down, “Oh c’mon, what are you going to do here if you're not gonna have any fun!’
“I’ll have fun, just… not like that.” 

“Alright,” Alex said, downing another shot and striding out to the floor. June followed him, grabbing the hand of a man next to them at the bar, and dragging him into the center of the club.

Over his shoulder, he could see Henry talking to Nora, staring into his drink

“You’re not disturbed by that?” Alex asked, one June had released random-bar-man

“Na, he’s not her type,” June said, “And I honestly don’t think that he’s hers either.”

“What do you mean by that ?” Alex asked, but June just shook her head

“Never mind. C’mon, let’s dance” June said, dragging him further onto the floor.

He could feel people's breath on his back as he bopped to the music, every couple of minutes some girl would come up to him and wrap her arms around his neck. Then he would sway for a moment before the girl would move on, it wasn’t not fun, but it was getting a bit boring. And he could see the fuzzy outline of Henry at the bar, hunched over the table

“I’m going to go talk to Henry” he shouted over the music, June nodded, but she seemed more preoccupied with the fact that Nora had joined them, and was currently swinging her hips with her arms around June's neck.

Henry’s drink was empty in front of him, along with a couple of other empty glasses. He was scribbling frantically in his notebook open in front of him

“You brought your diary to a bar?” Alex asked, coming up from behind him, Henry snapped his diary shut

“I like to write, it clears my mind,” Henry said, “And it’s not a diary, its a notebook”

“Alright Greg Heffley,” Alex grabbed his forearm and stood him up from his stool, “You’re not gonna dance?”

“No,” Henry said 

“Oh come on . People have been coming up to you all night, and you look kinda pathetic”

“I’m busy” Henry groaned, “Go on, keep lap dancing. I’ll be here.”

Alex paused, “Hmm, interesting, but no. You’re gonna dance, and you’re gonna enjoy it.”

Henry groaned, “Fine. But give me two more minutes to write”

Alex nodded and ordered another shot, as he watched Henry scribble away.

“Alright,” Henry said about thirty seconds later, snapping his book shut, “Let’s go”

Alex grabbed Henry’s wrist and saw his fist squeeze shut the second he touched him, and all of a sudden he felt that bubbling feeling in his stomach again. Stronger now, warmer, even … pleasant, probably amplified by the alcohol. 

The mediocre pop music was blaring at top volume, he put one arm around Henry's shoulder and swayed back and forth. He could see Henry’s face getting progressively redder, presumably from the alcohol. There was something about this that was even better than dancing with June, Nora, or any of the random women approaching him in the bar. And he could feel the feeling in his core growing. 

“Get into it Henry,” Alex said, “Stop being so… tax attorney.”

Apparently, Henry‘s idea of ‘getting into it’ was nodding slightly harder, but the ghost of a smile on his lips slowly grew into a proper grin.

A couple of minutes later, the music slowed slightly. Not nearly enough to be considered even vaguely romantic, but Alex was turned around by a girl he recognized from the bachelorette party, Henry was taken by the waist as well.

“You're a good dancer,” Alex said awkwardly

The girl giggled, “Thanks, you too. And you’re a great hockey player”

Alex laughed again, but before he could respond, the girl that Henry had been dancing with was shoved into him

“My bad,” He said to her, but she was staring at the door. He could just barely see the top of Henry's head going out the door.

He ducked out of the girl's arms and ran to the bar, grabbing the bag that Henry left there, then he made a b-line for the door

“HENRY!” He said, jogging to catch him, he was sitting on the curb, his head between his knees “Are you alright? You just booked it out of there. You left your bag”

“I’m fine. I just need to go back to my hotel now” Henry looked up, and then grabbed the bag from Alex's arm, 

“Thank you” He deadpaned

“I’ll go with you then!” Alex said, “I’m drunk as fuck, and I have a game tomorrow”

“That is not necessary, and I’ve already called the Uber–”

“Your hotel’s on the way to my place, I’ll just hail a cab once I get there, I want to make sure you get home safe”

Henry shivered, and Alex realized despite the heat in his face, it was quite cold out. The Uber showed up a couple of seconds later, Henry didn't say a word for the entire ride, instead sitting silently, with no movement except for the flexing of his hands in front of him

When they arrived at Henry’s hotel, Alex grabbed Henry’s bag and guided him up the stairs. It seemed that he had drastically underestimated just how many martinis Henry had drunken as he was staggering up the stairs at a 45-degree angle.

Eventually, they managed to get to the hotel, and Henry collapsed on the bed.

Alex was about to leave the room before he heard Henry speak

“I’m sorry that I'm so bloody bad at this” he slurred

Alex turned around, concerned, “Bad at what?”

“Being outspoken and charismatic, flirting with girls, doing the things you do. Doing anything real ”

“Oh c’mon, you’re plenty charismatic, I’ve heard your interviews”

Henry snickered, “It’s the same three questions every time, it’s not real”

“Oh,” Alex said, this would be much easier if he was sober “But I mean, I like talking to you. And don't even talk about the girl thing, don’t you have like, that coffee shop girlfriend?”

“Fake,” Henry said, sitting up and flexing his hands again, “Just some girl.”

“Oh.” Alex said, then “I don't believe it.”

“You don’t believe it’s fake?”

“I don’t believe that girls don't like you.”

“It’s not that girls don’t like me, ” Henry said, he was standing now, nervously pacing around the room, stumbling every few steps. “But it’s not important.”

“It is important. You're clearly upset, and I’m not just going to–”

He didn't have a chance to finish his sentence, because all of a sudden, Henry charged at him from the other side of the room, held up his hands, and kissed him. And all of a sudden the drunken haze fell away. His breath tasted of vodka and his hands were warm against his neck. There was barely any tiem to register what was happening, only that Henry was kissing him, only that Henry Fox was kissing him and he was kissing him back, only that it felt like a movie.

He slid his tongue into Henry’s mouth. One of Henry’s hands was pulling his hair at the roots, the other on his hip. Pushing him roughly onto the bed, Henry bent down over him, his hands immediately going back up to Henry’s hair. They lay like that for a couple of seconds, before he felt Henry’s weight come off of him.

Henry’s eyes were filled with terror, and Alex was too shocked to speak. Instead, he grabbed his backpack from the floor and rushed out the front door to the hotel, slamming it behind him, and leaving Alex alone on the bed, his head still spinning. 

Chapter Text

“Hey Diaz, can we see you for a moment?” Zahra called when Alex was clearing out of morning skate one day, Ellen was standing next to her, smiling in the way she did to crinkle the sides of her eyes. 

“Yeah,” Alex said, walking towards them, “What’s up?”

“We’ve been noticing you putting in some extra work in the three weeks,” Ellen said, “We appreciate it.” She reached out and clapped one hand on Alex’s shoulder

Alex laughed awkwardly. He had been working harder, that was a fact. He was barely leaving the rink during lunch anymore, training on the plane to and from away games, and rewatching tapes at home. He had strategies to keep his mind busy at all times, He would chug espresso so he could stay up late training, and then pass out, this technique limited any intrusive thoughts before bed, if he spent any time at all with June and Nora, he would work out while doing it. Keeping his mind and body busy at all times, he had done this when he first moved out of his Dad’s house, or when his anxiety got bad, and it worked.

“We also wanted to inform you,” Zahra said, rolling her eyes at Ellen, “That you’ve been elected to represent the team at this year's All-Star weekend”

Alex’s eyes widened “Oh my god! Thank you so much!”

“It’s a big opportunity kid, you better not screw it up,” Zahra said

“Also, the roster goes public in two weeks, you have to stay quiet about his until then.” Ellen said, “And of course, you’ll be playing in the Atlantic Division, I'll send all the information to your email in the next few days, but this obviously carries a lot of opportunities for you and the team. We're talking brand deals, interviews, all that.”

Alex's head bobbed up and down in excitement, "Yes, of course, I understand."

“Congratulations!” June said, when Alex told her the news, standing up from her seat to hug him

“Yeah, it's great,” Alex said

June sat back down, “Alright what the fuck is going on with you? You’ve been talking about doing this since you were like– four! And now it happens and you don’t care?”

“I care! I care.” Alex said, “I guess I’ve just been a bit distracted lately.”

“Alright man, this is an intervention,” Nora said, sitting down across from Alex and folding her hands in her lap,

“I don't think you can turn a pre-established conversation into an intervention.”

“Shut up. You’ve been acting weird as fuck since you got back from Arizona.”

“Agreed” June said, “Did something happen with you and Henry?”

Alex dropped into a chair, throwing his bag down beside him “Nothing happened”

“Alex who the fuck do you think you fooling?” Nora said

“Nothing fucking happened” Alex repeated

“C’mon, dude. I haven't seen you this distracted since college tryouts, you’ve been practicing nonstop.”

“Yeah,” June said, “I figured you were like, stressed about the All-Star roster or something, but now you’ve got that and you’re still being weird”

“I’m not being weird!” Alex was yelling now, “Nothing happened!”

He grabbed his bag and stormed upstairs, fuming

Alex collapsed on his bed, and sat in silence for a few seconds, head between his legs before he heard a knock at his door

“Alex,” June said, “Please let us in”
“Leave me alone!” Alex said

“Please tell us what happened!” Nora said

He stormed to the door and yanked it open “Just leave me alone”

Nora stretched out an arm and pushed past him, “No. We’re not leaving you alone. We can not talk about it, but we’ve barely spent any time together in the weeks, and you’re upset.”

June grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, flipping through channels before eventually stopping, “Ottowa and Washington have an afternoon game today-”

“No!” Alex cut him off, he had made a point not to watch any of Henry’s games or interviews since Arizona. And he wasn’t going to start now, he wasn’t going to think about it, “I mean, No. Just put on Shark Tank or something.”

June and Nora exchanged a look, but nodded,

“Just er– try to think about it?” June said

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex snapped

 “I mean, I kind of feel like you’ve been ignoring it, the thought I mean.”

“I have not!” Alex said, immediately defensive

“Alex, I know you,” June said, “And I’m not going to make you talk about it, not now, but I think it might be helpful if you at least… internalize what happened”

“Nothing happened,” Alex said again, but he didn’t know who he was trying to fool this time, and June did have a point, he hadn’t thought about it.

The issue was he didn’t know how he felt about Henry. However, he decided it would be best to start at the beginning. Henry had kissed him. For that to happen, he must have wanted to. Apart from the fact that he was extremely drunk and very upset at that point. And Alex had kissed him back, not intentionally at all, it had just felt right . He thought back to his kisses with girls, back in grade school and college. Fun, sure, never this effortless

But the major issue was that he wasn’t into guys, or not usually. This wasn’t the first time he had been having thoughts like this, but they weren’t daily occurrences. He racked his brain and could pinpoint a couple of moments of curiosity, sure, but nothing abnormal. He was a professional athlete, which meant that he spent a lot of time with shirtless, sweaty men all in tight quarters, but they were comfortable with each other. And of course, he looked sometimes, but that was normal. And it was more to examine them, the older, more experienced players with the laser-focused eyes through their lazy smiles, no longer shaking before games, crushed under their losses. The rookies that Alex saw so much of himself in. He was doing what he did best, he was doing research.

Alex was getting upset now, and this was the exact reason that he had been avoiding thinking about this before. But it wasn’t really an issue, it wasn’t like this had kept him up a t night, except now it was.  Weren’t you supposed to have a sexuality crisis, if that even is what this is, when you were younger? Not when you already have a career that people all over the world are jealous of. He’s supposed to have everything in his life put together, and until a couple of months ago he did. 

But underneath it all, there was the kiss. The pure electricity that had been running through them, and that warm bubbling feeling in the pit of Alex’s stomach that he suddenly had a name for. An explanation for why it seemed to multiply ten times when he saw Henry walking down the hall, his hair brushed back or his suit freshly ironed. How it had only grown the more he got to know him. 

He saw himself back there, standing in Henry’s hotel room, lying him down on his back on his bed, and suddenly that feeling bubbled up again, and he desperately wanted to be back there, and he desperately wanted Henry to be back with him.

He let out a cry of frustration, launching the throw pillow he had been clutching into the wall, June and Nora turned to him, A look of shock on June's face, and one of exasperation on Nora’s

“Figure something out? Nora asked. Her tone was it's usual dry and deadpan, but her eyes were hopeful.

Alex groaned and lay his head back on the pillow, “I don’t fucking know!” 

June reached out for the remote to turn off the TV, then turned to Alex

“Alright, talking time”

He glared at them, “I don't even know how to talk about something like this!”

“Just start witht the facts,” Nora said, “That’s what I do when I’m trying to figure something out. Just explain to us, objectively, whatever happened”

Alex pressed his palms against his eyes, “Well, after the club, I drove Henry back to his hotel, and we were talking and he kinda… maybe… kissed me?”

Nora threw her hands in the air “I fucking knew it!”

June grinned and punched Alex in the arm, “Nice job man! So… then what?”

“He left. Ran out of the hotel room and didn’t see him, isn’t responding to any of my texts”

“So you’re sad because he left?” June asked

“No! Well, yes. I’m not sad, just… confused.” Alex got up and started pacing around the room “I mean, I just can't fucking stop thinking about it. And I guess we were kind of becoming friends but I don’t fucking know!”

“Alex, calm down, deep breaths,” Nora said, “Remember, objective facts only. We’ll work our way up. How did it happen?”

“We were just talking, and then he started getting upset and talking about how girls don’t– shit” Alex sat down again “He was trying to tell me he was gay, and I didn’t even fucking pick up on it”

“Hold on!” June said, “You didn’t know ?”

Alex stared at her “You did?”

“Of course I did! It’s kind of obvious. He’s never checking us out or anything, he majored in English literature, didn't he send you like a ten-thousand-word text about Lord Byron?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Alex asked

June and Nora blinked at him

 “God you’re clueless,” June said

“But he’s a hockey player!”

“Hockey players can be gay Alex,” Nora said, “Statistically there are probably dozens of queer players that just aren’t out yet! And especially with the charity, he needs to be as marketable as possible, and being the first in the league isn't helping that”

“I can't believe I didn’t know!” he said

“Yes, Alex. We all know you have an awful gaydar,” Nora said, “but whatever, we’re getting sidetracked. So you were talking, he was trying to come out to you, then what happened”

“A lot, really fast. He just kissed me.” Alex sighed “And… I may have kissed him back.”

June shrieked and jumped to her feet “Oh my god! I knew you liked him!”

“I don’t!”

“Yes, you do!” She said, “He kissed you, and then you kissed him back, and now you’re getting all flustered talking about it!”

Alex groaned, “I’m not getting flustered! I mean I don't think so! I’m just, really fucking confused!”

“Babe sit down.” Nora tugged on June's hand,  “Remember Alex, objective facts. How do you… feel about Hnery”

“I don't know! I don’t know!” Alex stood again “I mean, I hated him, a lot. But then we were kind of friends. And then sometimes I feel this feeling, in the pit of my stomach. And— oh my god”

“I think he figured it out,” Nora murmured to June, as Alex dropped to the bed and lay his forehead in his hands

“Oh my god” Alex repeated, his mind running at a million miles a second, “But I’m–  I’m not– oh god”

“Take all the time you need man,” June said
“I mean how did you know that you were…” He gestured oddly

“Bi?” Nora asked, “I don’t know man, I guess I’ve always been sort of aware of it. I made out with a lot of people in high school and college!”

“But like, Dad was always so good with his stuff! I always figured I would just know if I was .. whatever I am” Alex trailed off

“So, you’ve never been with a guy before?” June asked, “Not even one time?”

“I mean … once.” Alex said “The night before the Calder finals. With… Charlie Kent”

“THE DEFENSEMAN?” Nora shouted

 June laughed “Oh my god . I didn’t realize that was your type!”

“I was very drunk and very nervous, and he was nice,” Alex said, “And we didn’t have a thing or anything like that. It was just one time!”

“Listen, man, sexuality is very fluid, but you’ve definitely had crushes on guys before,” June said, “Remember that counselor from camp? Who you were like obsessed with and followed around everywhere? Or that one boy in my skating lessons that you volunteered to tutor for free?”

Suddenly there was a sinking feeling in Alex’s stomach“ Fuck , you– you might be on to something? I don’t know! I don't know how I feel about guys. But hockey players aren’t allowed to be, whatever I am!”

“There’s gotta be a first.” June said, “But that doesn’t matter right now. How do you feel about Henry?”

“I don’t fucking know!” Alex stood up again, he could feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes., “ Something , I feel something .”

“Then do something, ” June said

A single tear ran down Alex’s cheek, “What?”

Nora crawled across the bed and put her arms around Alex’s neck, “Well… do you have any games or events together anytime soon?”

“I don’t think so, our next game isn’t for months unless- fuck, the All-Star. He’s got a shot there, he played last year and they won. If we both win our divisions then we play each other in the finals”

“There you go!” Nora said, “You’ll see him then!”

Alex nodded, “I guess so, but what do I say, and what if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Nora pulled away, “But then you’ll be able to do something , and that’s what you wanted right?”

Of course, Alex was thrilled when a notification from the Yellowhawk's official website popped up on his phone, the headline blaring in bold 

Alexander Diaz, among 31 others, has been named to the 2024 All-Star Weekend.

He had, of course, been dreaming of this moment since he was in elementary school., watching replays of his father's best plays, this euphoria however, didn’t stop him from scrolling immediately to the announcements for the Atlantic division. And there he was, at the bottom of the page

G Henry Fox, OTT

All-Star weekend was split into three days. The first was media day and the skills competition, designed for people at home to get to know the players and pay half attention to the TV while they did something else. The second day was the first round of the tournament. The Atlantic and Metropolitian divisions played each other, then the Pacific and Central. The next day the winners of those two games would play each other in the finals, and the winning team went home with 20 grand per person.

Alex arrived at the interview after having changed, his eyes dodged hopefully around the room of players waiting for their turn, but Henry was nowhere to be found

When his name was called, he strode into the room and sat in front of the backdrop, plastered with the Toyota logo, and offered a well-rehearsed, toothy smile at the camera

“It’s a pleasure to have you with us today Alex,” The interviewer said

“No no no, the pleasure is all mine. I’m honored to be here”

The interviewer leaned forward, her notes in hand. "So, Alex, you've been putting in some impressive performances on the ice lately. Fans are excited to see what you'll bring to the All-Star game. How are you feeling about the upcoming event?"

"I'm feeling pumped, honestly. It's an honor to be part of such a talented group of players. I'm ready to give it my all and hopefully put on a show for the fans."

The interviewer nodded. "We're looking forward to that. Now, there's a lot at stake in the All-Star competitions, including the prize money. If you were to win, have you thought about where the prize money might go?"

This was an easy one, there was almost no question "If I win, I'd want to give back. So all the money would go directly into the Jersey fund, a foundation run by my friend Henry Fox. It’s a great fund focused on promoting youth sports and providing opportunities for underprivileged kids to get involved in hockey. So, the prize money would go directly into that foundation"

The interviewer's eyes lit up. "That's fantastic, Alex. It's wonderful to see players using their platform to give back. Now, switching gears a bit, the All-Star game also brings players from different teams together. Is there anyone you're particularly excited to meet or play alongside?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind being on the same side as some of the league's top goal-scorers. It'd be nice not to have to defend against them for once.".

The interviewer nodded in agreement. "I can imagine. Now, one last question before we wrap up. Any personal goals you have for the game? Something you're aiming to achieve on that ice?"

Alex flashed yet another charmed grin at the interviewer. "Honestly, I just want to have a blast out there. These events are a chance to showcase our skills, have fun, and connect with fans. Of course, winning wouldn't hurt."

The interviewer chuckled. "Well, we'll be cheering you on, Alex. Thank you for taking the time to chat with us today."

“Of course” Alex smiled again, a man in the corner signaled for a commercial break, and Alex stood from his chair, politely shaking the hand of the interviewer on the way out. 

He was proud of that one, perfect interview. Charming, but not self-important. He could see the Instagram comments now. But more than that, he hoped Henry had seen

Alex returned to the hotel, and turned on the TV, switching to NHL tonight. He listened to a couple of players recount their experiences, talking robotically about how thrilled they were to be chosen to play this year. The show went to commercial, and when they came back, there Henry was. Smiling his blinding, picture-perfect smile at the camera.

“So Henry,” The reporter asked, “Are you enjoying yourself so far?”

“Oh yes, astronomically,” Henry said, “I can’t say I’m used to the Louisiana sun, but I am enjoying myself. On and off the ice”

“And what are you most looking forward to?”
“It’s an honor to be here representing my team, and I’m excited to play in general” Alex groaned, fucking vowels.

“Now, there are only two British NHL players in the league to my understanding. And those are you and your backup Okonjo. How does it feel representing the UK in this competition?”

Henry laughed a perfect, on-camera laugh, “Well, it's an excellent experience, and thinking that way, 10% of the team is British, so it makes sense that they should have a Brit to represent them, doesn’t it?”

The reported laughed flirtatiously, Alex wanted to throw her out the window, 

“So if you were to win the tournament, I believe that's 20,000$ per person, what would you do with the cash?”

“It would all go directly to the charity.” Henry said without hesitation, “As this is not my main source of income, none of it is portioned to me, it goes directly into the fund”

“A saint as always,” The reporter laughed, “And I believe there are children from the foundation here today?”

“That is correct.” Henry said, “Part of what the charity provides is opportunities to attend NHL, AHL, and PHF games. There are a total of 40 children who will attend games and events this weekend. Ten today, ten tomorrow, and twenty during the finals. Hopefully, I’ll get to play for them both games.”

“Can we talk a bit about your relationships? You have a close friendship with Yellowhawks Center Alex Diaz, and have collaborated in regards to the charity in the past, how does it feel to be battling it out in front of the kids that you help support?”

Alex sat up straight, the slightest expression crossed Henry’s face but had set his jaw and regained composer, “It’s the sport. We know, and the kids know, that at the end of the day, we’re all friends.”

He flashed a small smile at the camera, and Alex reached for the remote and shut off the TV, his phone lit up with a text from the captain

Locker room in 5, grab your stuff

Alex sat on the floor of the Central division's locker room, stretching and nervously awaiting the skills competition. This had always been his favorite to watch as a kid, it felt like a cut scene in real life. There was excited chatter going around the room, rookies excitedly shaking hands with legends they never thought that they would meet, and veterans preparing to play a low-stakes game, Alex was by far the most nervous of the group.

He was approached by a dark-haired offense man from Colorado, who Alex recognized as being an old player who had played a few All-Star games before

“You alright?” The Colorado player asked, “You look freaked out.”

“I’m fine, “ Alex said, “What about you? You excited?”

“Oh, I’m thrilled. The All-Star weekend is the chillest of the year, and the skills competition is a piece of cake. Kids falling on their asses and getting up with a smile, keeps morale high” HE laughed, “Just make sure not to get hurt, or start a scandal”

Right at that moment, a coach entered to herd them all onto their bench. Alex anxiously sat waiting as cameras did a once-over of every player and listened to the cheering of the crowd. After a couple of minutes, they announced the Atlantic division, and there he was, Henry. He was sitting in all his pads, baseball cap on his perfectly shiny hair. He was sitting on the bench silently, jaw clenched, looking around at every player, it seemed, but Alex.

The hardest shot was first, and as he skated up to the net and positioned his stick, he could feel eyes on him, expectant. He breathed deeply, and hit the puck toward the net, the results showed up on the jumbotron, 100.7 mph, the low end of exceptional

He revved up for his second shot, focusing on the puck, shaking his head to rid it of the image of Henry’s hair sticking out of his helmet, and shot again. 103.2, amazing.

He smiled and whipped his head around, and the world seemed to go in slow motion, Henry was watching him from his pot on the bench. His helmet had been switched out for a baseball cap, he looked amazing. And he was looking at Alex, eyes big and bottomless, fear flashing over his face when he realized Alex was looking back at him.

He made for the bench where Henry was sitting but was pulled back by a reporter 

“Hey, Alex,” The reporter said, “Amazing event”

“Thank you very much” Alex mumbled

“So tell me, How did you feel when you saw 103 on that board?”

Alex looked over his shoulder, but Henry had disappeared from the bench, “Er– I felt great. Y’know 100 is good, but I felt I could do better in the end, as I did, so all together I’m satisfied.”

“And last question, what's your tip for shooting that hard? Do you have a secret”

“Just focusing all of my energy on the puck, going at it with my full weight.” He looked over his other shoulder, still no sign of Henry, the reporter looked at him confused. 

“Alright, thanks so much, Alex.”

“No problem,” Alex mumbled, already skating away, but Henry was nowhere to be found

Even with the mounting pressure, and that familiar bubbling feeling in his stomach, the skills competition was quite fun to watch. The fastest skater was first, and he cheered for the Colorado offenseman (Who he had now identified as Harry Albert) as he edged out a close second. It was fun, and it was made more so by the pumping adrenaline in Alex’s stomach, allowing himself to teal a look at Henry every minute or so, trying to wish him to look at him.

It wasn't until the fastest skater event had concluded and Albert had sat back down, that he realized up next was the Tendy Tandem Henry’s event

He watched his face carefully on the Jumbotron as the cameras zoomed up to him. He really was gorgeous, although he looked exceptionally nervous. There were seven other goaltenders on the ice, but Alex’s attention was solely wrapped on Henry.

“Diaz,” The coach said, “Get in line, you’re shooting”

Alex nodded and swung his legs over the bench, he skidded to a halt in the back of the line. Pacific was in net now, and he watched with only half attention as they blocked and shot. They were impressive, sure, but they weren't Henry. He watched his own division’s goalies block their shots but his attention kept drifting to him, standing off to the side, laser-focused and flexing his hands out in front of him.

Eventually, Henry approached the net, and Alex was pushed to the front of the line. He made eye contact with him, as close as they had been since Arizona, and the screen truly did not do him justice, there was one lock of shiny blond hair sticking out of his helmet, he was chewing nervously on his mouthguard, showing his pure white teeth to the world. His expression was unreadable, and Alex would give anything to learn what was going on in his head. 

Alex took a breath in and launched towards the goal, he lifted the puck and shot it to the top left-hand corner, it was an easy shot, but Henry moved a split second too late, and it entered the goal behind him.

“You distracted Fox?” A defenseman from Boston yelled, “That was an easy shot!” 

Alex glared at Henry, who was very pointedly not looking at him, Henry skated over to the sidelines, and Alex was swept to the back of the line.

In his hotel a few hours later, Alex called Nora

“You’re on speaker,” Her voice said, as soon as the call connected, “And June is also here”

“So how’d it go?” June's voice asked 

“Didn’t get the chance to talk to him” Alex said “He’s been ignoring me all day. I mean I don’t know what I was expecting 'cause he’s been ignoring my texts.”

“He’s nervous, ” June said, “That’s adorable”

“But what if he doesn’t … feel that way”

“Babe, are you forgetting that he kissed you, ” Nora asked

Alex ran his fingers through his hair, “He was drunk, it could have been a mistake or a prank, and I kissed him back so maybe now he thinks I–”

“Alex. Stop. You’re spiraling.” June said, “He likes you, you’ll play him in the finals won't you?”

“Only if both of us win tomorrow.”

“Well then focus on that for now,” June said, “We’re about to go into a tunnel, so we might lose you”

“Yeah.. wait you’re in the car? Where are you going?”

“To see you, idiot! We left like, seven hours ago. We’re three hours away”

“Oh my god, I had no idea you were coming!” Alex said

“We weren’t planning on it,” Nora said, “But Henry’s sister is coming, and the people she was coming with canceled last minute”

“Alright, well I’ll see you tomorrow then!” Alex asked, he felt his mood lift a bit

“Bye!” The girls chorused

“Love you!” Alex said, hanging up.

Alex turned up to the locker room the next day, buzzing. The game doesn’t technically matter, but to Alex it’s everything. While the rest of the room buzzed and joked, Alex was laser-focused.

“Who’s phone is dinging?” Albert said

“Oh sorry, that’s me!” Alex said, grabbing it off the bench

“Your girl texting you?” Albert asked

Alex squeezed his eyes shut. Oh right, he had to deal with this now. There was a lot he wanted to say, but settled for laughing nervously, and picked up his phone. 

He felt the faint glimmer of hope in his stomach that had been there for the past two months. It could be Henry, he could be texting to wish him luck, he could have finally come around, but instead, they were from June.

bug: We’re here

bug: Please relax

Alex: i am relaxed

bug: No you’re not

bug: I know you, and I can feel you panicking from here

irl chaos demon: June’s right

Alex: stfu

bug: If youre this freaked out about today I don't even want to think about how youll be tomorrow

Alex: i'm turning off my phone

irl chaos demon: good luck

Alex set his phone down just as the coach motioned for them to pack it up and get on the ice. He nervously skated down as the announcers called his name and position.

The All-Star games worked slightly differently than normal. Three players on the ice instead of five. Two periods instead of three, and each period was ten minutes instead of twenty. But Alex’s approach was the same. Laser focus, nothing else matters, not even the tugging at the back of his mind that told him that Henry was in the stands now. 

Once he was off, there was no stopping him, he had been told time and time again by Ellen, Zahra, and even the Atlantic coach, who Alex still didn't know the name of but looked a like a Dick Tracy villain, to not play as hard as he could, but he forgot all that the second his feet touched the ice.

By the end of the game, they were up 2-1, both of the goals being Alex’s own, but as they came back from a whistle, he made the mistake of looking up at the stands. Henry was sitting in the front row, behind the Atlantic goalie, in a group with the players of the Pacific and Central divisions. Most of them were chatting amongst themselves, but Henry was sitting alone, staring at his phone. Alex skated as fast as he could towards the bench, picking up his phone and texting Henry

Alex: ANSWER ME 

He looked up at the stands, catching an expression of shock crossing Henry's face as Alex saw his text go to read, but there was no response. 

This was Alex’s breaking point, he gripped his stick until his knuckles turned white, when he was tagged in, he broke as fast as he could towards the net, and managed to shove the puck in, only thirty seconds left in the period. The crowd went batshit, and Alex smiled softly to himself. It took every ounce of strength in his body, but he somehow managed to not look at Henry.

He was rushed directly to the locker room to change, and then right to the press room.

“So Alex, how are you feeling about the hat trick?” The intevriewer asked
“Oh yeah, I mean I’m feeling great about it. It’s always nice to get the hattie” Alex swallowed, he was too nervous to listen, to pay attention, to mindlessly answer stupid questions with obvious answers

“And what came over you in the last thirty seconds? When you had that incredible breakaway”

Alex laughed awkwardly “Y’know, I don’t really know. I guess I just got this… burst of energy”

“Well great job Alex,” The reporter said and then motioned for a commercial.

Henry’s game was next. And Alex had no right to be this nervous. It didn't matter, worst case he loses, and then has to wait a bit before seeing him again, but Henry would definitely ignore him if he approached him around the rink, and they weren’t staying in the same hotel. So if he wanted to do anything soon, Henry needed to win this game.

Alex held his breath, but couldn’t help but smile while he watched Henry, laser-focused. Jaw clenched, eyes trained on the puck. He truly was an incredible goalie, and Alex could feel his cheeks redden as he just watched him play. In a sudden moment of clarity, Alex realized, he had a crush , he had a fucking crush on his sworn enemy/kind of friend/the guy who kissed him and turned his life upside down.

The second the last whistle went off, Alex stood up and cheered, Henry did it. They would play each other tomorrow, they would see each other tomorrow. 

“Wow you are far gone,” June said from next to him, grabbing him by the wrist “C’mon, we’re going to get dinner”

Chapter Text

The next morning, Alex sat at the hotel restaurant, nervously poking at his eggs.

“Dude loosen up, ” The goalie from Tampa said, sitting down next to him, “You look like you're about to hurl. You do realize this game doesn't mean anything right? It’s just for fun”

Alex wanted to punch him, but gritted his teeth instead, “Yeah, I guess I just get nervous sometimes”

“No need” he replied, through a mouthful of eggs, “Try to think happy thoughts dude, you're a star that's why you’re here”

“Thanks” Alex grunted, “I guess”

“No problem,” he said, ‘Get going tiger, we gotta game to win”

Alex grunted as he stood up, pounding him on the back as he left. Today was the day. He was going to do something.

When he arrived at the rink, Alex was shaking as he put on his pads. Whatever he had been feeling yesterday was nothing compared to what he was today. When he skated to the rink for warm-ups, he could feel the eyes of hundreds of people on him, but the absence of Henry’s glare was a million times worse. He just wished he would look at him, and let Alex make actual eye contact instead of turning away as seen as Alex caught him staring. Give him something .

“Eyes up Diaz” Dick-Tracey-villian-coach yelled from the sideline, “I know it's a warm-up, but you gotta keep moving. Quite the glaring”

Alex hadn’t even realized it, but his eyes had drifted to Henry, looking perfect as usual. Eyes bright and attentive. Jesus Christ , Alex thought, you can barely see his eyes through his helmet

With every strike, every shot, Alex started to panic more. He wanted to kick himself for being this nervous, he was never this nervous. But something about Henry was messing with his brain chemistry. 

“Nice one!” Albert yelled to him, Alex turned and realized he had just shot one in past Charleston from the center line

“Oh– er thanks man”

Albert nodded appreciatively and continued passing drills

“Y’know” He continued after a couple of minutes, “A couple of the guys and I were talking about going to a bar tonight, and since we don't leave until after noon tomorrow it’s gonna be epic. You want to come?’

“Um– no, I’m alright,” Alex said, shooting again, this time Charleston grabbed it easily “I’m busy tonight”

“What, you got a date?” Albert asked, swinging another puck

Alex coughed, which caused Albert's face to light up, “Oh my god you do!”

“Hopefully” 

“Who is she?”

“That’s private” Alex dribbled his puck back and forth a few times before shooting again, his blood was rushing in his ears. 

Maybe this was a bad idea, scratch that, of course, this was a bad idea. He was already having to lie to cover his ass, maybe it wasn't worth it. He had heard stories, of course, he had. Gay men are being assaulted in bars and on the streets. Only one out in the AHL, and none in the NHL. He wasn't even in a relationship, he had a crush , a possibly, maybe, best-case scenario requited crush, and it was already ruining his life. 

He was lost in thought, one second away from a proper spiral, when he heard the coaches whistle

“Alright men, back to the box, game starts in five!” 

Alex exhaled, shot Albert a look, and made his way off the ice

Because of the shortened game structure, Alex didn’t have time to return to the locker room before the game started. He stood in the hallway, tossing his stick from hand to hand, when he felt something bubble up in his sternum. Something among the fear that was still very much there, and suddenly he had a name for it, Stone's hard confidence, coursing through his veins.

 As soon as his name was called, Alex skated onto the ice, holding his stick up in the air and tossing one more look in Henry’s direction. Although at that point he barely felt disappointed when Henry very pointedly looked away. He was still playing, anything happening after the game, or between periods, was unimportant. 

There was energy coursing through his veins, he passed to a defenseman from Florida, who passed to by a veteran left-winger from Detroit, who passed back to him. He was close, he could see Henry in the net, standing ready, and then saw his eyes widen when Alex’s met his. The world seemed to go into slow motion, Henry blinked, and Alex shot, the puck went straight through his five-hole.

The bench went up in cheers, and Alex skated into the open arms of the Detroit and Flordia defensemen.

“You’re on a roll kid,” The Detroit player said, tapping him gently on the helmet with his stick, “What was that, hatty yesterday, the first goal today? Are you on something?”

Alex coughed “No way man. Just determined. My legs hurt like all hell though”

“Well watch your, back, that tendy is giving you a death glare”

Alex whipped his head around, just in time to see Henry staring at him again, and again, he averted his gaze the second Alex looked towards him.

Alex let out a frustrated exhale and was followed to the bench by the Detroit player

“Woah, what's going on with you two?” He asked, as Alex was going through high-fives “I thought you guys were friends”

“We are” Alex sighed “It’s just … complicated”

The Detroit plater looked at him in confusion but kicked over the bench anyway, “Alright dude, if you say so”

“I don't even understand why we need intermission today,” Albert said, as they were awkwardly hobbling down the hall back to their locker room, “There are fewer of us, we’re on the ice for less time, why do we need a Zamboni run?”

Alex shrugged, “Ad breaks for TV?” 

“That’s dumb,” Albert said, as they rounded the corner to their locker room

At that moment, he heard the clomping of skates outside and saw the Atlantic players passing the door. 

Alex took a deep breath in, then out, and slowly approached the Dick-Tracy-villain coach on the other side of the locker room. 

“Hey, Coach, there's– um an issue with– with Fox’s charity,”  Sure, that’ll work “I urgently need to speak to him.”

“Can it wait Diaz?” The coach asked, “We go on again in fifteen minutes”

Alex shook his head, “No, no it’s urgent”

The coach sighed and nodded, motioning for Alex to leave, he swallowed and hobbled, out of the room, down the hall, and to the door of the Atlantic Division locker room.

“Sir,” Alex said, swinging his head in and motioning for the coach's attention, “I need to talk to Fox. Urgent charity matter”

The coach's eyes widened in concern “Are the kids alright? Do we need a doctor?”

“No, no. It’s fine, I just need to talk to him”
“Fox! Diaz needs to speak to you about the fund” The coach boomed, and Henry came around the corner

Alex gulped breath. God, he was gorgeous up close. His hard was plastered to his cheeks with sweat, he was wearing his t-shirt and loose pants, he had probably ditched his pads the second he got off the ice. In the back of his mind, he registered that fewer clothes to take off is a good thing. Hopefully.

Alex grabbed his forearm and dragged him down the hall, around a couple of corners until they ended up in an empty locker room. He locked the door behind them.

“What’s wrong? Are the kids alright?”
“Nothing is fucking wrong with the fund, I just needed a reason you would talk to me.”

“So you lied” Henry had the gall to say

“Oh my god” Alex wanted to laugh, “Don't you even fucking try to take the moral high ground right now. You are the most– the worst– oh my god”

Henry sunk to the bench, putting his head in his hands, when he came back up he was breathing deeply “I know, you want an explanation Alex, but I don't have one. I was just drunk and disoriented and really fucking confused and–”

“Stop apologizing,” Alex said, “Or– for that. I’m not mad that it happened”

This brought Henry up short, “You’re not? But– but I–”

“Yeah, I know. You brought me to your hotel room with your disgusting accent and fucking shiny hair and then kissed me and made me question everything.”

Henry stood up slowly, unsteady on his skates, “What? What did I make you question?” He breathed, his voice trembling a bit

In response, Alex grabbed Henry by the chin and kissed him gently, it was better than it was in Arizona. Sweeter, Henry slid his tongue gently into Alex’s mouth and sat down again on the bench, careful not to let him be touched by his skates. Once they were positioned comfortably, without any risk of being cut by the, as Nora would put it, “Knives strapped to his feet”  they picked up the pace a bit. Kissing quickly, hungrily. They had been apart for too, long, and both of them knew it. 

It occurred to Alex that it was probably uncomfortable for Henry to be under him with an extra 25 pounds of weight in pads, but he didn’t seem to mind. Henry’s hands moved up to Alex’s hair and tugged gently, causing him to make a series of involuntary noises that he didn't want to think too much about. 

“Alright, you two” The voice of Henry’s coach came through the door, breaking them out of their fantasy, “It’s going time. Fox, you need to get padded up”

They pulled apart, and Henry looked at Alex with a look of shock, “I can’t fucking believe it,” 

Alex snickered and peeled off of him, “C’mon man, you’ve got a game to lose”

“Ha ha ha,” Henry said, standing from the bench

“Alright,” Alex said, as they made their way down the hall, “We’re going to play this game, I’m going to beat you, or whatever backup they have in place of you, and you will not look at me, or cheer for me, or make eye contact with me from the bench in your fucking baseball hat and pads or I will cause a scandal so big it’ll make Alan Eagleson look like small potatoes.”

Henry swallowed, “Sensible”

“While I am out there setting records, you will be using your off-ice time to book a motel room somewhere close to the rink. I will meet you there the second I finish with press. How does that sound?”

“Excellent” Henry choked 

Alex walked into the motel that Henry had booked, to see him sitting on the bed. His shirt had been unbuttoned down his chest, his shoes haphazardly kicked to one side.

Alex didn’t waste any time. He pinned Henry down to the bed, kissing him, more hungrily than before.

“Congrats on the win,” Henry said

“Thanks” Alex murmured, working his way down Henry’s shirt. He had just undone his bottom button when he felt Henry tense under him.

“Wait,” Henry said, Alex immediately pushed himself up with his arms, hovering a couple of inches from Henry’s face, “I just–I need you to be 100% sure before we do this”

“Why wouldn’t I be sure?” Alex said

“I came to terms with being gay years ago, and with that, I came to terms with the risks of doing something like this. For me, this is Tuesday. For you–”

“I’m sure. Of course, I’m sure” Alex said, looking down into his eyes “But only if you are.”

“Me?” Henry let out a half laugh, “Of course I am. In fact, right now, I can’t remember when I’ve ever been more sure of anything. But this isn’t about me.”

“ Henry ” Alex said, “I’m sure.”

“You promise?” He breathed

“I promise”

Henry shot him a small smile before pushing his head up to kiss Alex again. He returned the favor happily, feeling that heat bubbling in his stomach again.

“God you’re gorgeous” Henry murmured, kissing down Alex’s neck, and then everything went blurry around him.

Afterward, Alex fished his boxers out from the foot of the bed.  “So, that’s just Tuesday for you then?”

Henry propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Alex with big, blue, bottomless eyes

“Alex,” He said “I’m sorry. It’s not, at all. At all, I just wanted you to be sure”

“So you don't spend every night sleeping with rich Canadiens?” Alex asked

Henry scoffed. “No. Almost never. Especially not since joining the league.”

“Ah,” Alex asked, “What about before?”

“Sometimes. A few guys from the school team, or classes. My family isn’t exactly– er– accepting”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah” Henry stretched up and grabbed his shirt from next to him, “It’s fine though. I barely see them.”

Alex sighed and crawled back across the bed to Henry, pecking him on the lips lightly, Henry smiled, before swinging his legs around and standing up next to the bed, Alex held out his boxers for him to take.

“Are there any events for the fund soon?” Alex asked, “If I wanted to– um– see you again?”

Henry looked at him expression a bit shocked, but otherwise unreadable

Alex swallowed, “I mean if you don’t want to–”

“No– no, I do,” Henry said, “We just have to keep this super under wraps”

“Yeah of course,” Alex said, offering a smile smile Obviously. Of course they did, that’s what they had just been talking about. Alex didn’t know why it stung so much though. 

“And we’re not like– an item either” Henry continued, “We just can’t afford to do that right now”

“Of course” Alex repeated, another blow to the heart, this one stung a bit more, “Well you can stay if you want–”

“I’ve got an early flight” Henry cut him off, sliding up his socks, “Thanks though. Don't you have to go see your siblings?”

“Nah, they flew home right after the game. Nora has some sort of panel she needs to talk on tonight. My flight isn’t until the afternoon.”

“About the charity, there's a game in a couple of weeks. If you want to come, watch them play, sign some autographs and take some photos. I’m sure the kids will love it”

“Yeah– I’d love to,” Alex said, “You’re really sweet for doing that”

Henry shrugged, “I had money growing up, but I know what it is like not to be able to follow your dreams. Thanks for donating your winnings by the way. 50k goes a long way”

Alex snorted, “What can I say? I’m a saint”

“Alright Diaz,” Henry said, grabbing his bag and walking his way toward the door, he paused for a couple of seconds, scanning Alex up and down a few times and gnawing on his bottom lip, before he left, shutting the door behind him.

“I’m home!” Alex yelled once he closed the door, he was greeted by Nora and June pounding down the stairs like a pair of over-excited toddlers, “How’d panel go?”

“No one gives a shit about that!” Nora said, “How’d it go with you?”

“The game went well! We won, which is always great!” 

“Uh huh, totally,” June said, “How’d it go with Henry ?”

“Oh, that?” Alex said, tossing his bag over his shoulder, he grabbed his skate bag and tossed it onto the coach. He turned back to June and Nora, beaming.

“It went really well” Alex laughed, “It went really well”

June and Nora squealed in unison

“So what does this mean?” Nora asked, “Are you guys a thing now?”

Alex shook his head, “No! I mean, not really. We’re friends, who do … stuff sometimes”

“Ew Alex, TMI,” June said, scrunching her eyebrows

“You asked!” Alex said

“But you’re okay with that?” Nora asked, “You’ve been crushing over him for months and now you guys are what? Friends with benefits?”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Alex said. Because it didn’t. It didn’t bother him. “And anyway, being in an actual relationship as hockey players would suck for both of us”

Nora tilted her head at him, her eyes still full of concern “I guess so–”

“So are you going to see him again soon?” June interrupted “Do you have a game soon or anything?”

“No games for the next few months, but I volunteered to do a charity thing in a couple of weeks. I’m going to talk to Zahra when I can and see if we can get it sorted out.”

“Oh my god, that’s so cute!” June said, coming up behind Alex and shaking him by the shoulders

Alex felt the heat rising in his cheeks, “Shut up ”

“I can’t believe that you–” June was cut off by Alex’s phone ringing

He looked down at the screen and was greeted by the caller ID of British David Eyers looking up at him

“I’ve gotta take this” Alex said, grabbing his bag and running up the stairs, he collapsed on his bed and pressed answer, putting the phone on speaker

“Hey,” Alex said, in the back of his mind, he released his voice had gone up an octave

“Hello,” Henry said, “How are you?”
“I’m doing good” Alex cringed at how awkward the conversation had already gotten, “So, what’s up?”

“Just …. needed someone to talk to I guess” Henry mumbled, “It’s dumb I should just–”

“No, wait.” Alex said, “What did you need to talk about?”

“I don’t know. That’s why it was dumb, I’ll leave it’s fine”

Alex exhaled through his nose, exasperated “I already told you, stay on. Just … talk to me”

“About what?”

“How’s your sister?”

“She’s doing well. She was at the game, I think with Nora and June. She’s doing much better now since the video got deleted”

“Oh.” At that moment, something finally clicked in Alex’s brain “The video, you didn’t want it to get out because you–”

“I was having sex with a man, yes Alex” Henry groaned “And I can not believe that you didn’t clock it sooner.”

“You weren't exactly being obvious about it”

“I can’t believe you!” Henry said, “I was being incredibly obvious mate! I had been trying to come out to you for weeks”

“Like when ?”

“How about, a couple of seconds before I kissed you?”

“l got that one!” Alex said

“You got it after I kissed you!”

“Alright fine. When else?”

“When you called me about June and Nora!” Henry said

Alex thought back to Henry’s words during that call, ‘You are kind of oblivious’

“Oh my God,” Alex said, “Am I stupid?”

“No.” Henry said immediately, “You are an idiot sometimes though”

“I’ll take it,” Alex paused for a moment, “So … what did you do today?”

“Trained a bit, went out to eat, talked to Bea.”

“What about?”
Henry paused for a moment, then sighed, “Us,”

“Oh,” Alex said

“I’m sorry, I should have checked with you first before telling anyone”

“It’s fine, I told June and Nora. Or … they kinda figured it out” Alex said, “I can’t hide anything from those two”

“Bea’s the same,” Henry said, “Maybe it's a girl thing”

“So, Bea knows about you?” Alex asked

Henry choked out a laugh, “Bea’s the only one I’ve told in my family. I mean, other than Dad but he can't exactly … let it slip”

“And on the team?”

“Only Okonjo.” Henry said, “We were in college together, transferred from Florida together, other than Bea he’s the one person who knows the most about me”

Alex nodded, there was something surprisingly intimate about getting this much of a look into Henry’s personal life. If he shut his eyes, he could almost see Henry next to him. In his room, probably as bare and plain as the rest of his house. Hockey bag in one corner, jersey slung over a chair. Sitting on his bed in his Harvard T-shirt and sweats.  His hair, sticking up from running his hands through it. His head, is slightly tilted to one side while he talks, unearthing that place where his neck meets his shoulder. His hands, well calloused from years of wearing heavy hockey gloves for hours a day, probably running over David's ears or back. His eyes, sharp and blue and bottomless. Illuminated in the light, or even better, sparkling in a dimly lit room.

“Earth to Alex,” Henry said “Are you still there?”

Alex snapped back to reality “Um– yeah. Sorry, just zoned out.”

“Ah.” Henry paused for a moment, “I’d better go, I have a game tomorrow”

“With who?”

“New Jersey” Henry groaned, “God I hate Jersey. The New York arena is less than an hour away and has much nicer hotels as well.”

“What do you think they should do? Share?” 

“Arizona plays in a college stadium,” Henry said, “Wouldn’t be the worst arrangement in the league” 

“Yeah but people do like, concerts in Madison Square, it just wouldn’t work out”

“Alright you got me,” Henry said, “Maybe my plan of completely relocating an entire hockey team to an entirely different state wouldn’t work out” 

“Alright man, you should get some rest,” Alex said, “It would be super embarrassing if it were to get out that you lost to New Jersey cause you were talking to a member of a rival team”

“That wouldn’t be the biggest issue that could come out of this relationship,” 

“Relationship?”

“You know what I mean,” Henry said, talking through a yawn
“Henry,” Alex said, “Go to sleep”

“Fine, goodnight”

Alex hovered over the hang-up button for a couple of seconds, breathing deeply, listening to Henry’s breath, and the rustle of the sheets on Henry’s end. “Goodnight,”

“Daniel” Alex tapped Erikkson on the shoulder. They were sitting on the bench during a time-out. It was his first game back from the All-Star break, and they were tied 1-1 in the third period against Tampa, “Are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine,” he said, swatting Alex’s hand away, “It’s nothing”

“You sure mean, you seem a bit … out of it.” Alex said, “Just want to make sure you’re good”

“I’m fine” Daniel repeated, a bit harsher this time, before correcting his tone “Sorry. I’m fine. Just tired,”

“Alright,” Alex said, “Just checking in”

He offered up a tired smile, “Thanks man, I appreciate it”

“Alright, Erikkson, you’re on!” Coach shouted

Daniel stood up, grabbed his stick, and kicked over the bench, he took off down the rink. Nilson immediately passed him the puck, Alex watched with full attention as his muscles tensed, slow, and controlled with every swing and every step. He was barreling towards the net, going for the breakaway, but not before Carlson from Tamp came up behind him and checked him into the backboards. Alex exhaled in disappointment as they scrimmaged for the puck. A couple of moments later, he saw Carlson make a sharp maneuver with his stick, and Erikkson collapsed on the floor.

The stands were murmuring, but the team stood in stony silence as they watched Erikkson roll onto his hands and knees, head between his arms. All of them knew that position well enough to know that this wasn’t good

Every player on the ice rushed to crowd around him, circling awkwardly as a medic walked don the ice from the box and crouched down to whisper something in his ear, Carlson was taken by the arm by a ref and skated to the penalty box. There was no review of the play.

“C’mon Dan” Alex murmured under his breath

“Fuck that guy,” Carver said, breaking the silence of the bench “What the fuck was that?”

“Carlson’s a huge instigator,” Liam said, “He was suspended last year for elbowing a guy in the head”

“He better be fucking kicked out” 

The medic hauled Erikkson over one shoulder and helped him limp off the ice. Alex’s eyes flitted to the Jumbotron to watch the cameras follow him down the hall and back to the box.

Alex tilted his head back up to the jumbotron to watch the replay, Alex watched in the slow motion replay, Carlson reached out with his stick to yank Erikksons knee in the opposite direction, and watched him crumple to hit the boards.

“Oh fuck him!” Carver yelled, “That was intentional”

“Calm down,” Ellen said from behind them, Alex turned to see her staring straight ahead, an icy expression on her face, “There’s no way to prove it.”

“He’s our first line center,” Alex said, “This is the worst thing that could have happened ”

“You think I don't know that?” Ellen snapped “You guys are professionals, pull it together. We’ve got ten more minutes of ice time before this goes to overtime, and odds are we’re on the power play–”

“We better fucking be!” Carver shouted

“Do not interrupt me.” She snapped, “Try to score now, then work the defense. Don't go for anything risky. Now we go out with the first line. Diaz, you take over for Erikkson”

Alex nodded and gripped his stick, waiting for the ref’s call. Sure enough, the ref skated to the center of the ice held both arms in front of him, and pulled them towards his body.

“Carlson, five minutes, hooking,” He said Alex let out a breathy. Five minutes. They had five minutes of five on four, plenty of time to score a quick goal. Then only two and a half minutes of equal-strength defense to take home the win. Alex breathed in and out. Easy.

Alex charged toward the puck as it was dropped, and after a couple of seconds of wrestling managed to coop it out from behind the Tampa player he was against, he took a hard left and passed to Martinez, who attempted to pass over to Garcia but was intercepted by a Tampa defenseman. The rest of the line pursued him as Alex swerved to the bench to change lines.

Alex had barely kicked over the bench when Tampa reached the goal, there were a couple of seconds of scuffling before Tampa squeezed the puck past Liam's right glove, into the goal.  The crowd booed, and Alex put his head in his hands, the beginnings of a tension headache culminating in his temples. Excellent. 

“That dude better be fucking suspended,” Carver said as they were clearing out for the day, ”He’s the reason we lost!”

“We can't prove he had malicious intent,” Alex groaned, “And technically speaking all he did was hook him”

“Well that's a load of bull–”

“Diaz!” Zahra shouted from her office “Can I see you in my office for a second?”

“Good luck man,” Carver said, Alex swallowed in response before stepping one shaky foot into Zahra’s office

“Take a deep breath man, you look like you’re about to vomit,” Zahra said, shutting her computer and folding her hands in front of her

“You do hold my entire career in the palm of your hand,” Alex said, “I think I have a right to be … cautious”

Zahra barked out a laugh, “Well, I’m not terminating your career, today. Actually, it’s the opposite. As you know, Erikkson was escorted off the ice today after his injury”

“Yeah, poor Daniel. I hope he starts doing well soon”

Zahra shook her head, “That's the issue, this info hasn't been made public yet, but he tore his ACL and is going to be put on long-term injury reserve”

“ What? ” Alex said, “That’s awful.”

Zahra nodded, “It is, but that means that you, Alex, are now our first line center”

Alex’s jaw dropped to the floor, “Uh… what? Can’t you put a first-line winger out there? Nilson or Garcia?”

“I thought you’d be jumping at the chance to play in his shot kid, I thought this was your dream?”

“It is!” Alex said “It is. But this is all kind of sudden.”

“That’s the game.” Zahra said, “Now on normal instances, we use the money to get another player to replace him, but I don't know if you've noticed, but over the past month you’ve actually been playing better than Erikkson, so we don't need a replacement. Instead, we’re going in on a new center for the second line, and a new defenseman. And you’ve played line one before–”

“Only for a couple of weeks!” Alex said, “I’ve never done anything like this before”

“All I’m saying is that if you were to say yes, it would be good for the team, and it would save money. But this is all in your hands”

Alex shut his eyes and breathed in. On the one hand, he had been dreaming about this conversation since he was little. Since he would tear photos out of his sports magazines and paste them on his walls, since his dad would have his old teammates over for dinner and he would sit at the top of the stairs long after he was supposed to be in bed, listening to them talk. But on the other, there were just as many nightmares as dreams about this. More fame and ice time means more instances to mess up, to disappoint.

Alex felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Zahra looking down at him, her eyes had turned a bit softer 

“It’s a big responsibility Alex, but I know that you can do it” 

“But what about today? I came in for a line change and cost us a goal” Alex asked

“Everyone makes mistakes Diaz, it doesn’t make you any less fit to be center”

Alex took a deep breath, and nodded, “I’ll take it, thank you”

Zahra smiled and clapped him on the back, “Oh, that reminds me. Fox connected me about you being interested in coming to the Toronto tournament. Is that right”

Alex swallowed at the mention of Henry’s name, “Um– yeah. Is that possible?”

Zahra indeed, “Absolutely, I’m just … surprised. I thought you hated him”

“I just … really care about those kids” 

Zahra arched an eyebrow “Alright. I’ll have to talk to the PR and scheduling teams, but I bet we can figure something out”

Chapter Text

“Guys I’ve got news!’ Alex announced as he walked through his front door, almost tripping over June and Nora, who were crouched in the entryway

“Nice to see you too,” June said

Nora rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's sass “You just caught us, we’re leaving to grab lunch”

Alex nodded, “Do y’all want the bad news or the good news first?”

“Bad news!” Nora said, “Always bad news first”

“Erikkson tore his ACL tonight, and isn't going to be back this season”

“Poor guy” Nora said, “He was super nice when I met him”

Ale nodded, “Yeah it’s really awful. We all feel super bad for him”

“Yeah yeah super sad,” June said, “What’s the good news?”

Alex rolled his eyes, “I got promoted to one C”

“Oh my god!” Nora said, “That’s amazing!”

“Yeah, it's a shame that Dan had to have a stick sever his tendon to make it happen though,” June said

Alex laughed, “Well technically the stick didn't sever it, the stick just twisted his leg”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. So who have you told so far?” June said,  wiggling her eyebrows suggestively

“I have no idea what you're getting at,” Alex said, “I’ve only told Dad so far”

“You haven’t told Henry?” Nora asked

“No, and I’m probably not going to,” Alex said

June’s eyebrows shot up “Why not?” 

“I’ve already told you guys. We’re not dating, we don't talk about things like that!” He said, “And anyway, he’ll find out when we play each other in a couple of months”

“That’s kind of sad,” June said, “I mean, are you alright with that?”

“I’m fine with it! That’s just … how we are” He said, “I don’t want anything more than that”

Nora rolled her eyes, “While I would love to stay and hear about your boring ass relationships, we have to bounce if we’re going to get a good table. You can come if you want”

He shook his head, “Nah, I think I’ll stay back, I’ve gotta unpack. Have fun”

The girls nodded and walked out of the front door. Alex sat on the couch for a couple of moments, before letting out a breath of defeat and pulling out his phone to call Henry

“Alex that’s incredible,” Henry said when Alex gave him the news, his eyes bright over the Facetime

“Yeah it’s– it’s pretty great,” Alex said, “It’s been my dream since like forever so yeah, this is awesome”

“I’m so pr–” Henry cut himself off, his face turning a bit red, “I’m so happy for you. When’s your first game?”

“Tuesday, it's at home so that's good”

“I’m sure you’ll be absolutely smashing Alex,” Henry said, “Do you have press things to do before that?”

“Only one conference tomorrow, then two days of extra practices before the first game,” Alex said, all of a sudden there was a sinking feeling in his stomach “Wow saying that out loud kinda drives it home”

“Are you nervous?”

Alex’s reflex was automatically to deny it, but he bit that back, “Um yeah, a but. It’s just … a lot”

“ Hey, ” Henry said, his voice going soft, “You’ll do great, I’m rooting for you”

Alex pursed his lips and smiled appreciatively, “Oh! And I almost forgot, I talked to Zahra about the Toronto tourney, and she said we can probably make it happen”

Henry’s smile widened, “Oh wow, that’s– that’s great.”

“Yeah, yeah it is” 

Alex had begun to realize something about Henry during their long-distance conversations, even before the All-Star game.  This realization crept up on Alex slowly and then seemed to jump him all at once. He had had suspicions about it when Henry would take time out of his night to have empty conversations with Alex as he was drifting off when he sent June a get-well-soon card by snail mail when he had reported that she had the flu when he eagerly texted him after his post-premotion press conference to congratulate him, and he received it before he had even left the room. But the actual moment of clarity came during  Alex’s first game as line-one-center three days later. 

Alex put his pads on that afternoon, shaking with a feeling that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. Somewhere between blinding excitement and debilitating fear. He was clenching the benches and doing his pre-game breathing ritual when he heard his name being called from the doorway

“Diaz!” Zahra shouted, poking her head into the locker room, “You have a visitor” 

Alex’s eyebrows shot up as he pushed himself off the bench

He walked over to the doorway, his heart racing. He had no idea who it would be. Nora and June were both working. And then he saw him – Henry, leaning against the door frame, smiling softly with his bottom lip between his teeth. 

"Hey," Henry said, his voice warm and familiar.

Alex felt a rush of emotions flood over him. "What are you doing here?" He asked, a smile breaking across his face. 

Returned the favor, soft and genuine, and Alex couldn’t help but notice the way he stuck out his bottom lip a bit when he did so 

"Thought I'd come to see your game, but if my coach asks, this is a work trip”

Alex nodded curtly, “Right, amazing, yes”

“Are you alright Alex?” Henry asked, tilting his head and widening his eyes in the way he did that made Alex feel like he was going to faint

“Er– yeah. Listen, man. I’m really glad you came but you better get out of here fast or I

will– um– lose my mind.” 

Henry’s mouth curled into a small smile “I’m glad to hear I have the ability to make you do that”

Alex stared into Henry’s eyes, his smile curling in the corners, and the realization hit him like a freight train. He cared about Henry. Not romantically, of course. Alex reminded himself again that their relationship wasn't like that, but Henry had come to him, taken hours out of her day, to see him.  For a moment he almost forgot about being perfectly in sight of the entirety of an NHL team. Almost.

Alex took a few steps into the hallway, grabbing Henry’s upper arm and whispering into his ear “Meet me after the game, we’ll drive to my place. June and Nora are gone for the weekend so it’ll just be us”

“Perfect,” Henry rasped, then “See you then”

He kicked over the bench for his third shift in the second period, They were behind by one, but the game wasn't close to over

“Diaz shoot!” Carver said to him, sliding the puck across the ice, Alex did an odd turn maneuver to catch the puck and caught sight out of the corner of his eye. Blonde hair and blinding white teeth, It was a flash, he didn't even know if it was really him. Alex had assumed previously that having Henry in the stands would drive his anxiety up even more, but for some reason, whenever his eyes would flit up to him a feeling of calm would pool in his stomach, and it did that again now

Alex trained his eyes on the goal, took a deep breath, and shot, he watched with satisfaction as it perfectly entered through his three-hole. 

He was immediately body slammed by Carver and the rest of the line but tilted his head up at the stands to see Henry standing and applauding, and the feeling in Alex’s stomach bubbled up again. It came up more often now, so much that it barely ever went down. 

After the game, Alex stood at the doorway to the rink, waiting

“You alright man?” Liam asked, coming up behind him

“Yeah .. just waiting”

“For Fox?” He asked 

“Um– yeah.” 

“I had no idea you two were that close.”

“We text,” Alex said, shrugging, “We’re not that close”

“It doesn't look like you two ‘aren’t that close’”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex asked, licking his lips nervously

“I mean, he flew five and a half hours to see you,” Liam said, “That’s not something you do for an acquaintance”

Alex laughed awkwardly, “Oh er– it's just a work thing. For the fund, not a personal trip”

Liam shrugged, “Alright, I’ve got to go, but look, Speak of the devil,”

Alex whipped his head around to see Henry coming from around the corner

Henry reached out to shake his hand, but instead, Alex pulled him in for a hug, he felt Henry tense under his touch, but he didn't pull away. 

“Thanks so much for being here,” Alex said

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Henry said in his ear, “You did spectacularly”

They pulled apart, Henry’s mouth hanging open slightly, his lips forming a bright pink O that Alex very deliberately did not kiss.

“C’mon,” Alex choked, grabbing Henry by the arm and leading him through the parking lot, “We should get home”

Alex opened the door to his house and didn't even get to lock it before Henry pushed up into him, kissing him hungrily.

“My room’s upstairs,” Alex said as Henry began unbuttoning his shirt

“We’re alone aren’t we?” Henry hummed, “Why does it matter?”

Alex swallowed, amazed at how much Henry’s confidence shifted while they were behind closed doors

Alex led Henry backward out of the entranceway and lay him on the couch, ditching his shirt somewhere along the way, it didn’t matter. Henry took a moment to remove his pants and shoes before diving back in.

The next few minutes were a blur that Alex didn’t know how to recount, all he could think was Henry. Henry Henry Henry. Henry’s breath against his neck Henry’s hands in his hair and Henry’s lips on his. 

When they had finished, they lay lazily on the couch, both in just their boxers.  Alex lay with his head on Henry’s chest, Henry running his hands through his hair. 

“Y’know” Henry said, “If you do make your way to the event, I’ll have to have you meet my sister”

“And he knows about us?” 

Henry nodded, “Yeah, he’s great. I think you’ll like her”

Alex was silent for a moment, “I’m sure I will. If she at all lives up to everything you’ve told me about her. You’ve got good taste anyway. ”

Henry chuckled, “I mean, she’s my sister. I didn’t exactly … pick her. But in any case, I’m glad you think so darling”

Alex groaned at Henry’s rounded vowels, straightening up to cover the noise, “Do you want food? I can make something”

“I’m alright, I have to leave in half an hour anyway”

“Oh.” Alex looked over his shoulder at Henry again, lying bare and vulnerable on the couch, “That sucks”

Henry set his jaw, “Er– yeah. Sorry but I’ve got to be back tomorrow morning”

Alex nodded, and began rummaging through his pantry, “It's really annoying that our teams play so far apart.”

There was a moment of silence from Henry, before he spoke up, “It does, but I don't expect you to– er– not be with anyone else.”

Seeing Henry upset, even slightly, cut Alex deep in a way he couldn't describe. He would say it breaks his heart, but that’s what you feel when someone you’re in love with gets upset, and that isn’t what this is. They’re friends, friends who sometimes touch each other, and who think about each other, often. But just friends, so the way Henry’s trembling voice made him feel was just basic empathy. 

Alex walked back towards the couch, abandoning the Idea of a snack and sitting back at Henry’s feet. “Oh. Um– I haven’t been, not since um– us.”

Henry’s eyes widened a bit, “No. Me neither.  Not since we’ve started to– er” He gesticulated vaguely. 

There was a moment of silence between them, before Henry broke out in laughter, “My goodness we are idiots”

“Yes we are baby, yes we are” 

Henry bit his lip at the pet name and leaned in to kiss Alex again

“I do love it when you call me that” He whispered as he pulled away, grabbing his pants from the floor “Alright, show me around. I want the full tour”

Alex nodded and pulled Henry up, he led him up the stairs. They went past June and Nora's rooms before eventually landing on Alex’s

As Henry walked in, Alex all of a sudden became very self-conscious about the state it was in. It wasn’t exceptionally messy, but a few dirty t-shirts were lying on the floor, Hneyr went straight to the framed photographs sitting on his window sill

“Oh my goodness, ” He said, taking a knee to get eye level with the photos, “These are adorable”

Alex walked over and crouched over Henry, placing one hand on his back, “Well, a lot of things have changed since my childhood, that has not”

Henry scoffed, “Alright, walk me through them”

“This one,” He said, pointing to an image of him at age six holding up a plastic trophy “is of my first tournament win.”

Henry crooked his head slightly to the side, “Wow. Good to know you peaked as a kindergartener”

“This,” Alex said, ignoring Henry’s quip and pointing to a photo of him in cap and gown, a cup of boba in hand “is me right after I got drafted. We, my dad and sister, did bubble tea after every school year, and since this was kinda like graduation from the minors we felt that it was fitting.”

‘Can I ask you a bit of a personal question?” Henry said, tilting his head slightly to one side, “Not about you, about June and Nora?”

Alex shrugged, “You can ask, I might not know”

Henry flexed his hands out in front of him nervously, then looked up again, “Um– have they come out? To your father I mean”

Alex nodded softly, “I mean, neither of them are straight, neither of them have ever pretended to be straight. Nora barely ever dated in high school and college, but she took people home all the time. guys, girls, everybody. June just … dated. She never came out, she just dated a couple of girls throughout high school and brought some of them to meet Dad. They came out as a couple the same way everyone else does.”

“Because you dated Nora right?” Henry asked, Alex's head snapped up again

“Oh! Um– yeah. Very briefly. How did you– know?” He asked

Henry shrugged, “I don’t know, it just seemed like you two had a … history”

The feeling in the pit of Alex’s stomach sunk a bit, and he turned his body fully around to face Henry and reached out to take his hand, You do know that that is all in the past right? There is nothing going on between me and Nora now, and there hasn't been for years. I honestly don't think there ever was anything. We were just hormonal teenagers. All of this is besides the fact that she's dating my sister–”

Henry gently squeezed Alex’s hand, “I know. And it’s fine if there was, it’s not like you and me are–” 

“There isn’t,” Alex said, “I swear”

Henry nodded, coughed once, and pointed at a picture of a much younger Alex, four or five at the oldest, smiling a full toothy grin at the camera. He was sitting in what appeared to be a locker room, bare feet stretched out in front of him. His father was sitting next to him with one hand on his back. 

“What about this one?” He asked

Adult-Alex smiled softly “That was the first pair of skates my dad bought me. He really didn't want to at first, and he was probably right. It would have been cheaper to rent them. But I begged and eventually, he gave in. He said I needed to commit to skating until I grew out of them. I don't really know why but … that's one of my happiest memories.” 

Henry turned to look at him, eyes wide, “Oh.” He said softly, biting his lip. 

“What’s wrong baby?” Alex asked, rubbing his back slightly

“Nothing, nothing at all I just really” He paused for a moment, As if he was trying to pick the right word, “ enjoy getting to know you”

Alex smiled, pushing his forehead to Henry’s shoulder, “I enjoy getting to know you too”

Henry turned around and Alex  kissed him gently, cradling his head in his hands

“Alright, I should go,” Henry said, straightening suddenly, “I should get to the airport a bit early anyway”

“Alright, I’ll see you” Alex yelled, but Henry was already halfway out the door

Henry <[email protected]> 2/10/24 2:19 PM 

Toronto Tournament

Alexander Gabriel Diaz

I’m sorry for rushing out on you last week, I realized I had business to attend to. I heard from my PR manager that you had been given the green light to come to Toronto for the children's tournament, I’m sure the kids will be thrilled to see you.

It will be great to see you there, especially since we have no games with one another for the next few months. I am excited for you to meet my sister, you may bring June and Nora if you would like.

Please keep in touch, and don't be shy to ask me questions. About the event or your questionable hockey skills

Yours truly

Henry George Edward James Fox

Alex <[email protected]> 2/10/24 2:46 PM 

Re: Toronto Tournament

British goalie with a fucking complex,

I will not be going to you for hockey advice, as your job is pretty much to stand there and watch the game. You’re practically an overpaid spectator. 

I must say I am also excited to meet your sister, she has quite the reputation to live up to, and I am excited to see you as well.

Sincerely

Alex

Henry <[email protected]> 2/10/24 2:50 PM 

Re: Toronto Tournament

Alexander Hypocrite Diaz,

I find it rather curious how excited you are to see me, as just a couple of months ago you would rather die than do such a thing. What’s changed?

Henry Fox

Alex <[email protected]> 2/10/24 2:52 PM 

Re: Toronto Tournament

Henry,

You’re going to make me say it huh? Are you trying to make me tell you that whenever I close my eyes, I see you, and if I try hard enough I can almost feel your breath against the back of my neck? Or that if I run my hands over each other in front of me I can feel your hair in my hands. Or whenever I see one very specific shade of blue,  I see those gorgeous eyes of yours that the camera doesn’t do justice. Do you want me to tell you that all I’ve been thinking about since I last saw you is that if I don't get to see you in person soon then I might explode? Or that I’ve been caught texting you during practice so much half the team thinks I have some sort of dark family secret? Do you want me to sacrifice all of my dignity to answer a two-word sentence you asked me in an email forum?

Dream on Fox. Dream on.

AGD

Two weeks later, Alex arrived at the Toronto arena that was being used to house the Jersey Fund Finals. He rounded the corner of the rink and approached the box seat usually reserved for General Managers and team presidents to watch the game, take notes, and pose for the cameras. The whole room was painted in a deep Toronto blue, form the chairs there was an excellent view of the kids on the ice, and gave the illusion of being secluded, but Alex knew that there were cameras trained on him from every angle. 

Sitting in one of the chairs overlooking the rink, was Henry, his hands politely folded on the table in front of him, his hair as shiny and perfect as usual. 

“Hey,” Alex said, approaching him from behind

“Hello there,” Henry said, standing up and outstretching his hand for Alex to shake it, then under his breath, “It’s really great to see you”

Alex nodded, trying to fight off the feeling rising in his cheeks, and sat down next to Henry, training his eyes on the game in front of them. 

“So who’s here?” Alex asked, 

“The parents of the kids, a couple of donors, a few of my teammates. Mostly people who are much more important than you.”

“Then why am I the one up here with you?” 

“Because you, Alexander, are my guest,” Henry said

Alex covered his mouth with one hand so the cameras couldn't read his lips “Ah,  I turn you on, so I get to sit up here with you”

Henry scoffed, “That's one way to put it”

Alex sat in relative silence for the rest of the game, which was only about forty-five minutes long. He had always had issues shutting up, but in consideration of what he might do in front of the cameras if he let himself stare for too long, or heard any more of Henry’s rounded vowels, he refrained. He couldn't stop Henry, however, from grunting out small exclamations whenever the tone of the kids made an especially good pay, and even those would send a small spark down Alex’s spine and cause him to swallow down a noise. 

At some point, Henry stood up to shake the hand of a donor who came up to visit them in their box, and when he sat back down his knee was gently bumping up against Alex’s own.

About an hour later, the game came to a close, and they were rounded up to go talk to the kids in the meeting rooms downstairs.

As they walked down the stairwell, a man ran up the stairs to greet them, Alex instantly recognized him as Percy Okonjo.  Alex had only ever seen him from a distance during games or interviews, but he was different up close. His hair was dyed bright red and shaved close to his head, his fingernails were painted the same shade. He had a certain friendliness to him, the same kind of vibes you get from an over-excited golden retriever puppy.

“Hullo Pez’ Henry said, turning around to look at him, “Shouldn’t you be with the kids?”

“Wanted to see in person the man that took my box seats,” Percy said. Alex stepped forward to shake his hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you”

“And I you,” Percy said, he turned his head away from the cameras, “Henry’s been talking about you non-stop for months ”

Alex turned to Henry, whose face had turned bright pink “Alright thank you Pez, you may leave now”

“Oh it’s just constant” Percy went on to Alex, ignoring Henry’s objections “Alex this and Alex that and ‘Oh god Alex is so good at everything!’”

“I did not say that!” Henry said, “I may have complimented your skills once or twice”

“Nice to know I’ve been on your mind,” Alex said, winking at Henry

Henry gritted his teeth, “Alright Percy, time to go now”

Percy mock saluted and sauntered out the door, making a show of shutting it behind him
Henry shook his head and continued to walk down the stairs, but the color on his face wasn't dissipating. Alex looked around as they approached the metal door out of the stirs, and realizing that they were finally alone, wrapped his arms around Henry’s waist from behind. 

“I’ve been thinking about you too” He whispered and felt Henry slightly relax under him.

And it was fine, Alex thought as he opened the door and began walking down the halls because he had been thinking about Henry. But it was fine. He wasn't thinking about Henry’s eyes or that thing he did with his hands when he was nervous. And even if he was, it wouldn't matter because all of that was physical. And that’s what their relationship was, it was all physical. So when he thought about Henry, he would think about his physical aspects. That's what they signed up for, that's what they were doing. So it was okay if now, walking behind Henry, he appreciated the way his hair moved slightly when he walked or the way he would look back and lock his shiny blue eyes with Alex’s deep brown ones. Or the fact that he did have a few inches of height on him, which was at the same time infuriating and amazing all at once. 

And the line between physical and emotional is blurry at best. The way his laugh would ring around the room is just as much of a physical trait as an emotional one, so there is no issue there. And the look that he gives Alex when there is a lul in their conversations on the phone at night, the way he sits there with one side of his hair flat up against the pillow, the other still perfectly brushed and facing the ceiling before he inevitably spends a few hours tossing and turning, is a matter of appearance, which is of course physical. 

He was pulled out of his crisis when Henry swung open the door to the meeting room, where forty-five or so kids were sitting on the floor, silently with their legs crossed, waiting for them.

“Good afternoon everyone!’ Henry said, “Congratulations on the game today guys, you all did so well!”

The kids muttered their approval, and Henry continued, “You guys have all come so far! Now, I have a couple of hockey players who want to talk to you all today. So why don’t we all split up into groups and you guys can meet them one by one”

Alex looked around the room, Okonjo was standing in another corner. The kids did as they were told and split up to talk to them. Each Alex was greeted by a group of kids, headed by a girl in braids who couldn't be more than 11 or 12.

“Hello everyone” Alex charmed, reaching out to shake the head-girls hand 

“You’re Alex Diaz right?” She asked, “You play for Dallas!”

“That's right,” He said, “You’ve heard about me?”

“My daddy says you need to work on your stick work!” A little boy chorused from the back, Alex snorted

“Yeah, I know” He chuckled, “I’m working on it”

“My daddy says that Dallas sucks,” said a girl to Alex’s right

“Your daddy is not alone in thinking that,” Alex said, the realization suddenly crashing down on him that he knew absolutely nothing about kids. 

“Alright, does anyone have any questions for Alex?” A volunteer asked from the corner Alex shot her a grateful look

“Are you friends with Henry?” Braids girl asked, “He said yesterday that you guys were friends”

“Yes, I and Henry are friends,” Alex said, “He’s … one of my best friends actually”

There was a couple more minute of conversation between Alex and the kids before he cycled over and got a new group, It was during the third batch of conversations that Alex heard a familiar laugh across the room. It was bright and sharp and lifted Alex’s stomach into his chest.

He looked over to see Henry, head thrown back, teeth glimmering in the light, surrounded by a posse of small children who were all grinning up at him like he was their god,  Alex had to close his eyes and repeat over and over again purely physical, purely physical, purely physical

“You alright Diaz?” The volunteer asked

“I’m fine,” Alex said, snapping back to reality “I’m completely fine. What was your question again?”

They arrived at the restaurant that the girls had selected for dinner, some sort of fancy French place with a nameplate etched in marble at the entrance. Alex and Henry made their way to a table in a back corner, where June, Nora, Pez, and Bea were already sitting

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alex,” Bea said, standing up to shake his hand, “Henry and Nora have told me so much about you”

Nora winked at him as Bea sat back down, and Henry’s face turned pink. 

“So June, Nora tells me you’re a journalist?” Bea said, “What do you write?”

“I write political pieces mostly, every once in a while I get hired to write something for a fashion magazine”

“Well, I’m not surprised, you seem extraordinarily intelligent,” Bea said

Henry raised his eyebrows at Bea, but she didn't seem to notice. 

“So Alex, how’re you feeling about us leading you in points?” Pez asked

“Barely!” Alex said, “And at least we have any defense at all”

About half an hour into their meal, Alex had had three beers, and Henry was on his fifth glass of wine. The girls were bantering back and forth about some video game that Alex couldn’t follow, and their hockey argument with Pez had finally started winding down.  All of a sudden Alex became very aware of Henry sitting next to him.

He bumped his arm against Henry’s slightly and felt a hand slide under the table and settle itself on his thigh. 

“You want to do something dumb?” Alex whispered, “And I mean like, really really fucking stupid,”

Henry nodded and whispered back “Why not?”

Alex stood up and made his way to the men's bathroom. After about a couple of seconds, Henry came in and, after making sure the door was locked behind him, he immediately went in for a kiss

“You don’t think anyone will hear?” Henry asked, smiling softly as Alex went to kiss his neck

“We’ll just have to be quiet,” He said softly into his ear, “but it’s only five o’clock,  there’s barely anyone here”

His lips pressed into a smile as Alex’s lips worked their way down his torso once again

“Alright then,” 

They stumbled out of the bathroom about thirty minutes later, Henry’s hair was ruffled on one side and Alex’s tie was undone, but other than that Alex thought they looked alright. 

“That was quite risky,” Henry said, looking back at the door after they had left, “I don’t know why I agreed to that”

“Because you can’t resist me,” Alex said jokingly

Henry rolled his eyes but responded in a flat tone: “Right you are mate. And one day it will be the death of me”

Chapter Text

Alex arrived at the arena the next morning for practice and had just begun to lace up his skates when he was stopped by Liam shouting at him from across the locker room

“Alex … is that what I think it is?” he pointed across the room to Alex’s neck, his breath caught in his throat, 

 Alex coughed once, twice, three times, and pulled out a picture-perfect, sly smile

“Maybe.” he choked, “You can’t prove it either way”

“I definitely can.” Liam said, standing up and walking over to him, he grabbed Alex by the chin and tilted his neck up towards the light, “Unless you ran neck first into a doorknob. That’s definitely a hickey,”

“ Really ? During a charity event?” Zahra said, poking her head in through the front door, “Whoever you banged better have donated a good sum of money”

Alex swallowed and twisted his hands in front of him “I didn’t sleep with anyone!”

“I believe you man” Carver yelled from the other end of the room, “Maybe you guys just didn't get there, no shame in that!”

Alex put his head in his hands, he could feel his heartbeat in his ears. This was nothing, there was no way for them to find out who he had been with last night, but it still dried out his throat

“Oh c’mon Alex, stop being such a prude,” Liam said, “Who is it?”

“It’s nobody, ” Alex said, slamming his hands on his knees and standing up, he could feel the heat rushing up to his ears. “Really, I don't get why you are so obsessed with every aspect of my personal life, but it’s really none of your business”

The team stared at him for a second, stunned into silence. Alex marched out the door to the locker room, slightly awkwardly due to his skates, and shut the door behind him.

After the game, Alex ran back up to his room and took a photo of his neck, before sending it to Henry

Alex: [Attached image]

Alex: thanks so much 

British David Ayres: Oh my god.

British David Ayres: Did I do that?

Alex: of course you did. who else would have?

British David Ayres: i’m so sorry

Alex paused for a minute, trying to determine how he felt. Yes, he was angry, a bit. And yes it was a risk, but nobody knew, they didn't end up getting caught, so it all ended up working out. 

Alex: dont apologize

Alex: it was 100% worth it

 “So, Are you ever planning on telling Dad about you two?” Nora asked It had been a couple of days since the restaurant, and they had steered relatively clear of the Henry subject since then, “I mean, obviously no pressure to come out before you're ready or anything. But if you guys keep going at the pace you are–”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex snapped

“Babe, I know that you are in this whole, denial ‘friends with benefits’ situation, but c’mon. A couple of months ago you weren't even friends, and now he’s flying hours to meet you.”

Alex groaned, he felt a familiar headache brewing in his temples, the one that always crept up on him when he thought too hard about his relationship with Henry.

 “No. We’re not a couple, we will never be a couple, and coming out to dad would be … ugh.” Alex groaned, “I would have to talk to Henry first, and I don’t think he’s gonna like … disown me, but it would be ... hard”

Nora reached out from the back seat to lay a hand on Alex’s shoulder, “Listen, you never have to come out to anyone before you’re ready. For any reason whatsoever. End of sentence. Line break. Dad finding out by accident would be a lot worse”

June nodded, “And besides, he knows I’m queer and he’s completely fine with it.”

“I’m different, I mean, I think he kinda has this image in his mind that I’m gonna grow up to be … him.” He said, shaking his head, “But you’re right, I should tell him, I’m gonna tell him. I’ll drive down the Austin tomorrow”

Alex sat in his car for a couple of seconds outside Oscar Diaz’s house. They had sold his childhood home almost the minute he and June had moved out, and Oscar had moved into a slightly smaller house in Austin to make up for it. Looking at it from the outside, you would never know that one of the most famous NHL goalies ever lived there.

Alex shut the door of his car shakily and walked up the cobblestone path to the front door, he stood at the door for a couple of seconds before wrapping it sharply with his knuckles.

“Hey kid,” Oscar said, holding the door open for Alex to enter, “Come on in, I feel like it’s been ages”

“It’s only been like a month Dad,” Alex said

“Feels like forever,” Oscar said, Alex pulled a face

“God that’s such a cringy dad thing to say,” He said

Oscar elbowed Alex playfully, “You said you had something to tell me. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah Dad, everything is fine, I just felt like we should … catch up in person. Y’know since the promotion and everything”

Oscar shrugged and threw Alex a beer, sitting down on the couch and putting his feet up, “So how’s it going? Line one.  That’s a big deal.”

“Yeah, yeah it is. It’s going well, just a couple more minutes of ice time. A bit more practice” Alex said, taking a sip

“Alright. And how’s Liam doing? I always liked that kid.”

“Yeah yeah, Liam’s good” Alex said, Nervously running his hands through his hair, “Dad listen “I’ve got something to tell you”

Oscar set down his beer and leaned forward, “Is everything alright?”

“Um– yeah, everything is fine” Alex took a deep breath, here goes nothing, “Um– I’m bi”

Oscar blinked once, twice, and then smiled warmly, “Oh god, you almost gave me a heart attack kid. Thank you so much for telling me, I’m proud of you”

Oscar stood up and leaned in to hug him, and Alex felt himself go limp in his arms, “Thanks so much, it feels fucking good to tell you finally.”

Oscar pulled away and looked into Alex’s eyes, “Y’know kid. This is a big deal, and it’s going to make your life a lot harder. Especially as a professional athlete, and especially  as a hockey player.”

“Yeah yeah, I know, high Russian population and everything,” Alex said, “Believe me, Dad, I’ve thinking about this every day for weeks”

Oscar nodded, “You’re going to have to think long and hard about who you want to tell, and how. But whatever you do, I’ll always love you, and I’ll always support you. Forever. No matter what”

“I know,” Alex said, squeezing his hand, “And thank you”

Alex <[email protected]> 2/20/24 5:08 PM 

I did it

Henry,

I just came out to my dad. Don't worry, I didn't say anything about you, but I told him I was bi. Which, as I’m writing this, I realize I haven't told you yet. So yeah, I’m bisexual. 

It went well, of course it did, My dad’s the best, and he’s always loved me. But he did reinforce something I had been thinking about for months. That I have to be very careful, with who I tell and how I tell them, one wrong step can completely obliterate my career. And this is scary, of course, but I just wanted you to know that not for a moment have I questioned the decision I made with you in Flordia. I’m still sure. 100%.

I’ve been doing some reading into queer history in sports., I know this may come as a surprise to you, but I am not illiterate. The history of queer men in hockey is brief, really fucking brief, and it makes me sad. I don’t know if I’ll ever publicly come out, but if I do, I don’t want to be the first.

Yrs

Alex

Henry <[email protected]> 2/20/24 7:13 PM 

Re: I did it

Alex,

Congratulations. I can't think of anything else to say other than the fact that I’m proud of you, and I’m happy that you could do this for yourself. Your father seems fantastic, I’ll have to meet him one day.

The queer history in sports thing is a real issue, believe me, I know. Ever since I was first signed to the league I’ve been reading all I can about it. Hockey has, for as long as I can remember, been referred to as “A sport for men”, and I don't think I am the person first telling you that historically speaking, being anything but straight has not been seen as “manly” over the years. However, North American athletes are much more accepting than British ones. 

There are a few, barely any, but a few athletes out in American professional sports, counting retired players and players who came out after they stopped playing I believe there are ten in the NFL. In all of English professional football, there is one.

While we are on the topic of coming out, I realized that I never quite told you how I came out to Bea. About a year after Dad died, She had just come back from her third time in rehab. This is the one that stuck. She had seemed happy, normal even. But all of a sudden, a few weeks after she got back, she completely lost contact. 

 I had come to visit her in the place she had just gotten. She was sitting on the floor silently, staring at the wall when I walked in. I tried to talk to her, to try to figure out what she was thinking, but she just sat there in silence, staring at the wall, not moving at all.

Eventually, she spoke, just three words, she said “I give up”

This broke me in a way you cannot imagine. She had been working so hard and seemed so happy the past few weeks, so I just broke down. Started crying, hard. And Bea, poor Bea, immediately went into mother mode. Stood up from her stupor even though it was clear it was robbing her of all her energy, and wrapped her arms around me. 

Have you ever had a moment where you realize something, and it resonates so deep in your soul that it feels like it's echoing in there? Like a marble in a metal bowl. At that moment, I realized she was the most important thing in the world to me, and that I could trust her. So I told her I was gay, whispered it into her eat, then I told her, “Please help me”

So she did, she didn’t relapse again, at least not that I know of. I’m infinitely glad she saved me,  and that she saved herself in the process, although sometimes I feel a bit guilty she did it for me and not for her. You have her to thank.

Sincerely

Henry.

Alex <[email protected]> 2/20/24 7:54 PM 

Re: I did it

Henry,

Oh wow, no I didn't know any of that shit. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve taken for granted my family and the community I grew up in. I feel like I was brought up in a little bubble of acceptance. Your life seems like it was infinitely more complicated than mine, and that is why you remain one of the strongest people I know because you keep pushing through anyway.

I will forever thank you, sister, for all she has done, for you, and for us. She seemed amazing when I met her, (June and Nora seemed to love her too)

While talking about queer history in sports, the name Babe Didrikson Zaharias occurs to me. She wasn't a hockey or football player, but a golfer, and people say she was the first-ever lesbian Olympic athlete.

 It’s one of those classic “had a very platonic female companion who was totally best friend” stories. In her case, this woman's name was Betty Dodd. After Babe died, with Betty at her side. Betty was quoted “ I had such admiration for this fabulous person. I loved her. I would have done anything for her."

Betty and Babe were such an early examples of gay people and sports but paved the way for the brief history we see now. I hope many more will follow soon, for both of us.

In regards to stopping, please don't be ridiculous. I’ll tell you if I want to, of course, but I don’t, and if we keep going like this I doubt I ever will. 

Good luck on your game tonight, I’ll be rooting for you (maybe)

X

Alex

Henry <[email protected]> 2/20/24 8:27 PM 

Re: I did it

Alex,

Ah yes, the Vegas game. I am currently in a meeting that I really should be paying attention to, but instead, you have distracted me with your (albeit incredibly hot) knowledge of queer sports history. If I lose today it will be your fault, Alex, please keep that in mind. 

I’m glad to hear you will be watching, whenever you are I feel like I may be able to feel your eyes on me, it seems to help a bit, but in a way, I can't quite understand. Usually, when I think of you, my mind goes blurry and I get quite distracted, it’s your own fault for having eyelashes like you do, but when I’m out there a feeling of calm washes over me.

I apologize for the rambling, but something about you, about knowing that you are on the other end of this and that you will read it, makes it impossible for me to stop.

I have just realized that our next game against each other is in a bit more than a week, and that is when I will finally be able to see your face again, in person. There is an awful irony to that game date, however, for it falls exactly on NHL pride night. Funny how the world works sometimes, huh?

Yours

Henry

Alex <[email protected]> 2/20/24 8:49 PM 

Re: I did it

Oh god, I didn't even think about Pride Night. I have had conflicting emotions about it for ages, even before my “bisexual awakening” (yes it was you, yes your lips do have that effect on me, don’t you dare get cocky about it) On the one hand, I suppose it raises awareness about queer people, and it allows the players to show their support, but on the other, it is a much bigger deal if you don’t wear a jersey than if you do. 

But the more I think about it, the more I realize it may be helpful, even if it is depressing. I didn’t know I was bi until a couple of months ago, but with you, you had to go through five years of news articles about players refusing to wear jerseys, it must have been awful for you. For that to be a constant reminder. But the more I think about this element, the more I realize that by extension, we are both in the same boat, and I’m here for you, always, if you need someone to vent to about shit like this.

I am going to propose something to you, and if you don’t want to, you can obviously say no. But there have been some examples of players taping their sticks with rainbow tape during pride games. It’s one of those things that probably isn't a big deal to anyone else, just a fast way to get some positive press, but for us, I think it could be really … special. And obviously under the radar enough that it’s not a risk, and I’m not brave enough to do it on my own. No pressure, obviously, it was just a question. 

On the topic of scheduling, I refuse to believe that you just realized we had a game together next week because I have been counting down the days until I get to see your stupidly symmetrical face again since before Toronto. I have also been watching every event and game you’ve participated in for weeks. I don’t believe I’ve told you how absolutely infuriating it is that you look so fucking good in those pads, or in post-game press with you’re hair slightly damp. All of it is a crime against humanity. 

All this is mostly to say that I hope I distract you from game prep because lord knows you’re been distracting me.

XX 

Alex

Henry <[email protected]> 2/20/24 9:23 PM 

Re: I did it

Alexander,

I’m so sorry for being such an idiot, it didn't even occur to me that this was your first pride night aware of your identity. And you are correct, it is hard. But even worse than the people who refuse to wear the pride jerseys are the players who agree to do so. Because at least with those who don't you have some sort of closure. You know that those people, for whatever reason, don’t want to outwardly show any signs of support. I have no doubt that some of them are hateful and bigoted, but I’m sure a few of them have their reasons to not wear the jerseys. The real fear lies in those who wear it. There is no closure if they refuse too, and I can't help but think that a few of them probably do it just to avoid media attention.

Pride night is particularly scary for me as a person, as I feel there is an extra level of fear there. Obviously, the probability that I get caught and outed is no greater during pride night than any other night, but I have never been one to rainbow-tape my stick during the game or anything of the sort. I do what I do best, which is attempt to shrink into the background.

But maybe, just maybe, you will be my exception. There are risks I have been willing to take with you that I haven’t even considered otherwise, (If you have forgotten the restaurant bathroom) and no, I didn't only now realize the date of our next game, I was attempting to piece together even a shred of composure, even though you have ripped that from me long ago. 

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is, yes. If you want to do that with me, I would love to. If we’re lucky we won't be alone.

Yours in terrifying solidarity,

Henry

P.S. I love how you look in your gear as well, the only issue is how hard it is to get you out of it

The next two weeks were a whirlwind of games, practices, and press meetings. It was stretched s like these that made Alex really resent the logistics of their relationship or lack thereof. It was very lucky on his part that Henry ran the charity because otherwise, they would see each other only once every couple of months. But even the couple weeks between apprentices tugged at Alex’s heart in a way he didn’t have a word for.

Alex made a point of watching every one of Henry’s games and interviews, even if it meant streaming them on his phone from the locker room. Nora and June were slightly annoyed, but understanding at Alex’s constant attention on Henry. 

It wasn’t until one day, about a week from the game, that June sat him down to talk about Henry again.

“I already told Dad.” Alex said once she had told him she informed him of the subject of their conversation, “What else do you want from me?”

“I’m just a bit .. confused,” June said, making cold, hard eye contact with Alex. “About your guy’s … situation.”

Alex sighed, “I don't know what situation you’re talking about.”

“Nora’s been dancing around it, and she knows it. But you and Henry are in, I don't even know what to call it. It’s like a … friends with benefits situation. But you clearly have, like, romantic feelings for him.”

Alex’s head snapped up, “I absolutely do not. That’s ridiculous.”

“You guys are exclusive, aren’t you?” June asked, and when Alex eventually nodded, she went on, “And you guys are constantly going out of your way to see each other, and constantly giggling on the phone with one and another, and constantly talking about each other.”

“We’re friends, friends do that,” Alex said, but even the words coming out of his mouth tasted sour. And he didn't quite understand why, “And I would really appreciate it if you just … left it”

June held up her hands in mock surrender, “Alright man. Just trying to help”

But despite the agonizingly long weight, the game day eventually rolled around, and Alex pulled on his rainbow warm-up jersey with shaking hands and a pounding heartbeat.

“I’m proud of you all!” Ellen said, stepping into the room once they were all decent, “This is the first day in five years that every player has agreed to wear the pride jersey. Congrats on all being half-decent human beings”

There was scattered applause from around the room, and Alex took a deep, grounding breath. It was supposed to be reassuring. Nobody on the team was super, outwardly homophobic. At least not enough to sacrifice their image for it, but Alex thought back to Henry's line from his emails. He was right, there was no closure here. Only uncertainty and fear. Of course, all of them being bigots was unlikely. But all he knew now is that everyone on his team tolerated queer people, enough that they didn't want their careers to end. It was good that they agreed to wear them, for the queer kids watching at home, but if they didn't every hockey youtuber or podcaster would be on it by morning. 

These thoughts circled in Alex’s head as he headed out of the locker room for warmups. He skated out, his legs slightly steadying as he soothed into his familiar rhythm, and caught the eye of Henry from across the ice. He was laser-focused as usual, but after a couple of minutes of stolen glances from Alex’s end, they eventually made a few brief seconds of eye contact, and heat rushed to Alex’s cheeks. He stood there for a couple of seconds, paralyzed in the middle of the rink, staring forlornly at Henry, before Martinez almost body slammed him during sprints.

“Watch where you’re going dude” Martinez snapped, “Get moving”

“Sorry” Alex murmured, he looked back around, but by the time he looked back around, Henry had resumed his drills.

“Rainbow tape?” Liam asked when they had come back to the locker room and Alex had begun retaping his stick

“Um– yeah. Pride night and all.” Alex murmured, his hands shaking as he finished wrapping

Liam hummed, “That’s cool of you. Can I use it after you’re done, It’s not a bad idea on your part” 

Alex's eyes widened, in shock and excitement, “Oh! Um yeah– of course you can. If you want to.”

Liam nodded, “It’s dumb that we only wear the pride jerseys for warmups anyway. They’re a good design, and even if they weren’t, it can;t possibly be as bad as some of the others. Have you seen Toronto’s alternate jersey? With the face? It’s revolting”

Alex laughed slightly trying to contain his excitement. He hadn't expected Liam, or anyone on the team, to be overly homophobic. Sure he had feared but him talking about queer issues so offhandedly like this made Alex happy in a way he almost couldn't imagine. 

He finished taping up his stick and the tape off to Liam. It was small, an inconsequential detail that would lead to a couple of nice reviews from tabloids in the morning, but to Alex ... to Alex it was everything

The game went well, probably. To be honest, Alex wasn’t paying much attention when he wasn’t on the ice. He knew that the next morning Ellen would have some words for him about being present, but he didn't care about that. All he cared about was getting Henry on top of him as soon as possible.

As soon as he got out of the locker room, Alex walked around the corner to see Henry waiting for him outside the locker room. It seemed like a crime for Henry to be just standing there, waiting for him and, leaning against him like some Walmart Disney prince. Sweeping blonde hair, blue eyes, cocky stance and all. The second Alex came around the corner, his face broke out into a warm, bright smile.

“Good to see you,” He said, holding out his hand, Alex shook it in turn. If felt odd, stiff. He had been waiting for this moment for weeks, and a stuffy handshake in the awkwardly carpeted halls of an arena seemed unfitting. 

Alex wrapped an arm around Henry’s neck. Friendly enough to be viewed as a simple gesture of bro-dom, he felt Henry immediately lean into his touch, and his breath caught a bit in his throat.

“This is fairly intimate,” Henry said, not whispering, but keeping his voice low

Alex immediately went to retract his arm. But Henry grabbed it and placed it back on his shoulder, “It’s alright. Keep it.”

They drove back to Alex’s hotel in separate cars, they couldn't risk being seen driving together, especially not because, even though Alex’s car had tinted windows, the windshield was not. Alex sat on his bed patiently, bouncing his knee as he waited for Henry to come around the corner. 

When he eventually did, Alex’s breath caught in his throat all too familiarly, and he wanted to kick himself. The hotel room was dark, so he was backlit in the door, and standing in the doorway make Henry look like a fucking angel. He thought about what June had said earlier, about how he maybe felt about Henry, but in reality, it wasn't anything like that. It wasn’t. 

“Hello again,” Henry whispered, he was staring Alex up and down slowly as if he was trying to piece together exactly what he was.

“Get over here,” Alex said, standing up from the bed and grabbing a fistful of Henyr’s t-shirt, he dragged him onto the bed, and all of a sudden every thought or conflict in his mind went completely too dark. Nothing mattered, not now.

Alex lay silently on the bed afterward, absentmindedly tracing his fingers through Henry’s sweaty hair. He could feel him breathing deeply on his chest as he began to drift off. His last thought before he fell asleep, which he pushed immediately to the back of his mind, is that they usually didn’t spend the night, but for some reason, with Henry’s bare chest gently moving up and down as he slept, that didn’t seem to matter

Chapter Text

“What. The Fuck ?”

Alex was jarred awake the next morning by Zahra's voice, echoing sharp and clear from a few feet above him. He sleepily rubbed his eyes. It wasn't uncommon for her to come into his hotel after a game to wake them up in the morning and congratulate them. But he was very quickly jarred out of the fantasy when he heard the weight lift off his chest and a familiar groan above him. Henry.

Alex opened his eyes to reveal Zahra standing over him. Arms crossed, eyes wide. 

Alex sat up quickly staring sheepishly into Zahra’s sharp eyes. His heart was pounding in his ears. He could hear Henry breathing deeply next to him. Pulling his hand out of Alex’s

Zahra began pacing around the hotel room, wringing her hands out in front of her. Alex swung his legs off the bed and stood next to it sheepishly, waiting for her to speak again.

“Do you want to explain to me what exactly is going on here?” Zahra asked, stopping in front of Alex, “And don't even try lying to me because I promise you I will find out.”

Alex swallowed, nervously, Henry stood up from the bed and came up behind him. 

“Er– what do you want to know?” Alex asked

“Nothing! I mean, some things.” Zahra took a deep breath and sank to the bed. “Alright. One thing at a time you two, because I am not getting fired because of one of my player's stupid ass one-night stands. Oh god , please tell me this was a stupid one-night stand. 

“Um–” Alex ran his hands through his hair nervously, “No. It’s been going on for a while”

“How long is a while ?” Zahra asked, her eyes widening 

“Since the er– all-star weekend?”

“ What ?” Zahra shot up from the bed and turned on her heel to look at Alex and Henry, “Oh god, oh god. And all these trips, for the charity. I thought you were getting into fucking, civic engagement or something. I never thought anything like this would– oh god.”

“I was!” Alex said, “I do care about the kids. A lot.”

Henry turned to him, and for a minute, Henry’s eyes filled with joy, and Alex forgot about Zahra fuming in front of him “Aw. That’s good to hear. They really care about you too”

“Stop talking. Both of you.” Zahra sighed, “Oh god. I was just trying to expand the fund, I didn’t think anything like this would– oh.” Zahra groaned again, “Alright. You two, get dressed and meet me in the lobby in five minutes. I'll have a nice little conference room where we can talk. And Henry don't you even think about letting anyone see you walk out of this room. Leave and then come back in the front door, alright?”

Henry nodded curtly and Zahra made for the door but paused when she got to the handle, “Unless, of course. You two agree to stop this now.”

“No.” Henry and Alex said in unison.

Zahra sighed heavily, and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. 

Alex awkwardly pulled open the door to the conference room five minutes later, Zahra was sitting at the head of the table, hands folded in front of her on top of a stack of documents. The color in her face had calmed a bit, and she was breathing at a relatively normal pace.

He sat at the far end of the table, directly next to Henry, and looked up at Zahra, she silently took a sip of her coffee, cleared her throat, and eventually broke the heavy silence

“So, I’m going to ask again, there’s absolutely no way you two will stop doing … whatever this is?”

They both shook their heads again, Alex reached under the table and took Henry’s hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“Alright.” Zahra straightened the papers, “Now, I have to ask this, do you two want to come out publicly, now or any time before the end of the season?”

Henry’s head shot up, “No. No way.” He looked across the table at Alex, “I mean, I’m sorry. But no, I can't. And I’m sorry if–”

“ Henry ” Alex said, squeezing his hand, “It’s fine. Really. I get it”

Henry smiled tightly, and Zahra groaned from the head of the table, “Oh my god. You two, stop. This is serious. Now, you’ll both obviously have to sign NDA’s”

She slid two sheets of paper and pens across the table. Henry and Alex scribbled out their signatures Zahra launched into a spiel about cross-team relationships. They sat there for about another half hour, anxiously ticking off boxes and chewing their erasers. 

“Now, we talk about next steps. I’m not going to forbid you two from seeing each other. I can’t. I’m not your mother. However, I need to stretch how risky this is, for both of you. Queer history in sports, and especially hockey, is … not great”

“Believe me, we know,” Alex said

“And we’ve thought long and hard about this” Henry interjected, “But we still don’t want to stop” 

Zahra hung her head low, let out a long sigh, and straightened again., “Alright. If you are absolutely, 100% sure. You two are free to go.”

They both straightened, Alex, giving His hand one more reassuring squeeze before he stood up

Alex stood at the door of the hotel to see Henry off into his car, and Zahra walked up in front of him. Alex turned to see her staring him down, her eyes dark and stormy, but Alex could make out a hint of softness there.

“You two really are idiots, “ She said, gently laying her hand on his bicep “Brave idiots. But idiots”

Henry <[email protected]> 3/02/24 4:03 AM 

Thank you

Dear Alex,

I don’t know any way to start this email other than to say, thank you. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for being with me through all of this. I keep thinking back to the morning when Zahra walked into our hotel room. I keep comparing it to when Philip walked in on me, and there is one thing that I keep coming back to every time.

When Philip first took that video of me, there was a sinking feeling in my stomach. That didn't quite go away, it was awful and scary and I would have given anything in the world to make me never feel like that again, but the truth is, I didn't think he would leak it. I knew he wouldn’t. In his mind, it would have been just as bad for him as it would have been for me. But now, I know that Zahra won't say anything of, course I do. But that isn't the difference, the difference is when I was standing in that room, or when I was sitting across the table checking boxes about our relationship, I would look over at you, and a sense of calm would envelop me. You make me feel safe and secure in a situation that I have been dreading for years.

I wish I could feel like that all the time, and when I’m with you, it feels like it may be possible. 

I hate to say it, but I miss you. 

Henry

Alex <[email protected]> 3/02/24 5:21 AM 

Re: Thank you

Henry,

I miss you too. God, I miss you, and I think it fucking needs to stop, because my missing you is distracting me from my work. It’s your face, your eyes, your hands against mine, it’s all I can think about. During games or press or practice, at home or on the rink.  It's more than me just, missing you, it’s me needing you, and I hope you don’t mind me taking the opportunity to say it. 

I should thank you though, I’ve been trying to distract myself, and since then my footwork has improved insanely, to quote the amazing Chris Traeger: “ If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.”

There is so much I want to say to you that I can’t bring myself to type out in an email, it’s too personal. When can I see you again, it better be soon.

Yrs 

Alex

Henry <[email protected]> 3/02/24 6:29 AM 

Re: Thank you

Alex,

I wish, but I have yet to learn how that would even be possible. There are only a few weeks until our next game, however, and maybe we’ll see each other then. You’ll just have to hold off a bit until then. God knows I’ll be trying to.

XXX

Henry

Alex read Henry’s final email the moment he got back from his run and was so wrapped up in the euphoria of hearing from him again that he almost didn't realize he had another email from Zahra. As he read it, he felt a sly smile spread across his face.

Zahra <[email protected]> 3/02/24 6:00 AM

Practice Canceled

Team,

Due to a small gas leak at the rink, practices for today and tomorrow have been canceled. Everyone is safe, but I urge you to enjoy the two days off, and we expect to see you here bright and early Monday to catch the jet.

Enjoy

Zahra Bankston

Dallas Yellowhawks GM

Eight hours later, Alex stepped out into the freezing Ottowa air. His backpack was light on his back, with only two changes of clothes and a couple of basic toiletries that he had quickly thrown together. There was a small voice in the back of his head telling him how much of a bad idea this was. What an astronomical waste of time money and resources, but another, much louder part of his head could hear Henry’s voice in his ear. “I miss you” He hadn’t even heard him say it in person. They could have called, and Alex was tempted to, but he didn’t want to hear it crackle from miles away. He wanted to hear it in person, to feel Henry’s breath on his skin when he said it. Just the thought sent a shiver up his spine that had nothing to do with the weather. 

He was picked up by a grouchy-looking taxi driver wearing an Ottawa Reds hat, his eyes shone with recognition, and what looked like a mix of admiration and annoyance, when Alex opened the door. What is it with Canadian cab drivers and hockey anyway?

“Where to?” the driver asked

Alex ran through a list of scenarios in his head. He could ask for Henry’s place, but that might be suspicious. Eventually, he settled for the address of a corner store he had passed on his first trip to Ottowa. 

The drive was long and petrifying, and his mind got to racing, as it always did when he was left alone with his thoughts too much. He rummaged through his bag and fished out his headphones from the bottom, shuffling his playlist in hopes of distracting himself and it half worked, as long as he trained all of his attention on the lyrics and didn't allow his mind to wander.

He was so immersed in his thoughts, and avoidance of them, that he didn't even notice when he pulled up to the corner store. The driver had to clear his throat a couple of times to get his attention.

“Oh!” Alex said, “Er– sorry about that. Thanks”

Alex awkwardly tumbled out of the car, almost leaving his backpack in the back seat, and stood there awkwardly as the driver sped off. He looked around a bit, getting his bearings, before trotting off in the direction of Henry’s house. 

It was about a ten-minute walk to get to his place, and as he was walking, a series of shops caught his eye. Should he get Henry something? The thought came to him before he could stop it, but he quickly brushed the idea out of his mind. Of course, he shouldn’t It’s dumb enough he fucking flew across a country to see him.

Instead, he picked up his pact to a brisk walk up the Ottawa roads, the cold air was stinging his cheeks, but people were walking up and down the streets in t-shirts and shorts. Alex shook his head, Canadians.

Finally, he jogged the last couple of steps up to Henry’s doorway. He stopped for a minute, then held out his hand to ring the doorbell. He was reminded rather jarringly of an almost identical moment months ago when Henry had run out of the gala. And Alex had stood in almost the same position, this very same feeling pooling in his stomach. Only he didn't have a word for it then. Eventually, Alex took a deep breath and pressed the button for the doorbell. There were a couple of seconds of silence, other than David barking, in which Alex contemplated making a run for it, but steadied himself just in time to hear footsteps coming up from the door, and allowing it to swing open.

Henry opened the door, eyes tired even though it was only about six PM. It was clear he hadn't shaved since they last saw each other, but his eyes widened in shock when he opened the door to see Alex standing there.

He opened his mouth to say something, but stood there in silence before letting out a muted, “Oh”

“Hey baby” Alex whispered, tilting his head slightly up at him. The second that word left Alex’s mouth, Henry sprung to life, grabbing him by the arm and swinging the door shut in front of them. They kissed gently, for what felt like hours. Standing in the entranceway of his home. Eventually, they pulled apart, their foreheads still touching

They stood there in silence for a couple of seconds longer, basking in the euphoria of it all. It had only been a couple of days since they had seen each other last, they had gone much longer in the past, of course. But every time it pained Alex a bit more. 

Eventually, Henry stepped back, his arms hanging helplessly at his sides, taking in Alex. The whole portrait.

“Why– how—” Henry stuttered, a smile ghosting his lips, eyes deep and desperate

“There was a gas leak at the rink so practice was canceled” 

Henry nodded curtly, stepping forward to kiss Alex again. This time, Alex kissed back more hungerly. What an absolutely stupid decision it was to come here, what a brilliant, stupid decision. He felt himself break out into a smile across Henry’s lips, his heart thumping in his ears. He wanted Henry, but not in the way he usually did. Of course, that too, but not now. Instead, it was like he wanted to share a body, he stepped forward, suddenly realizing he was still wearing his backpack and ditching it in the entryway, trying to get as close to Henry as possible, but not being able to get close enough. 

Hery grabbed his elbows and rubbed them gently, slowly walking backward and sitting down on the couch, Alex straddling him. They sat there for what felt like hours. The energy gradually turning lazy and sloppy. At some point, both of them had rolled over onto their sides, laying half off the couch, and when Alex eventually broke awake, he kicked himself up, Henry followed suit, and soon they were lying horizontally, facing each other.

Henry reached out and gently wiped a hair out of Alex’s face, 

“I missed you dear,” He said, and at that moment, in each of blinding clarity, he determined that it had been the right move to fly over, if for no other reason than to hear him say it in person

“Likewise,” Alex whispered.

Henry closed his eyes and squeezed Alex's hands in his, and for the first time since arriving, he took his eyes off of Henry. Over his shoulder, the TV was paused and forgotten

“Parks and Rec?” Alex asked, propping himself up on his elbows

“Oh,” Henry’s ears pinked slightly, “Er, yeah. You mentioned you liked it in one of your emails. So I thought I’d give it a go”

Well, play it then!” Alex said, grabbing the remote from the arm of the couch and immediately laying his head down on Henry’s chest. 

He wanted to stay here forever. He heard the thump of his heartbeat in his ears. He was silent, other than the occasional light chuckle as the show blared in front of them. He shut his eyes, wanting to live in that moment forever. It was early, but Alex felt himself drifting off after a couple of minutes, his breath getting heavy. He felt Henry raise his hand and gently stroke his hair back.

“Sweetheart,” He said, kissing the top of his head gently, and Alex forgot how to breathe.

His last thought before drifting off was Henry’s thumbs gently tracing his temples, his breath in his hair, and the gentle thump of his heartbeat in his ear. 

He woke up a couple of hours later, realized where he was, and immediately felt the breath rush out of him again. Henry’s hands were still in his hair

“Have a nice nap?” Henry said, a bit drowsily

Alex sat up and judging by the clock on the coffee table it was a bit after 11, he had been asleep on Henry's chest for more than four hours

Alex yawned, “Did you sleep?” 

Henry shook his head, “No, it was fine though. You’re right, the show’s good”

“You could have woken me up.” 

Henry shook his head, “Didn't want to, you looked … peaceful. And it’s clear you’re exhausted.”

In a moment of clarity, Alex realized that this was the first time in weeks that he’d slept more than three hours at a time. 

“Er, yeah.” he stuttered, “I need to, um go now. I’m going to try to catch a red eye”

Henry rolled over, and for a minute Alex thought his eyes looked sunken, but he cleared his throat and straightened himself. “Oh. Um, yeah. Sure”

“I mean, unless you want me to stay…” the words left Alex’s mouth before he could stop them, “Sorry. That was dumb. You’ve got a game tomorrow and everything”

“I mean, you could if you wanted to,” Henry said meekly, and Alex was sure there was a spark of hope there, “ Bea was supposed to come to see the game but something came up, so if you want … you can have her seat”

“Yeah!” Alex said, a bit too enthusiastically. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah, I would like that”

Henry smiled back, “Alright it’s getting late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. We should go upstairs”

“I hope you're not considering going to bed right away?” Alex asked

“I wouldn't dream of it”

Alex woke up the next morning at about 9 AM judging by the clock, the bed was cold next to him. He rolled out and grabbed the shirt nearest to him, blushing slightly when he realized it was Henry’s official Reds shirt, and slipped it on. He stumbled down the stairs, hoping to find Henry there, but the kitchen was empty as well, but he spotted a note on the table.

A,

Had to leave for morning skate, didn't want to wake you. There’s coffee in the pot, help yourself to anything in the cabinets, I’ll see you in a few hours

X

H

Alex sighed a bit but poured himself a mug and grabbed a couple of sticks of beef jerky from the cabinet, then set off to explore the house. He had been here once before, under much different circumstances. He now had such intimate knowledge of every part of Henry, of his fear of being recognized and known, the house felt .. different. The blandness of it all, everything draped in expensive-looking shades of beige and tan. 

He walked up and down the hall, poking his head into various empty guest rooms, and linen closets until he got to the door at the end, he opened it and revealed the ladder leading up to the roof.

It was still cold outside, and Alex shivered as the air stung his bare legs, but he stared out into the sky ahead. It obviously wasn't dark, the sky was void of stars, but lay down anyway. Staring up. The last time he had been here, he was with Henry. Talking, listening to him, getting close to him, and feeling that familiar pull in his chest properly for the first time; Now, he had intimate knowledge of every crook of his body. He knew what made him laugh and what made him cry, his favorite movies, and the way he looked in the morning when he first woke up. It made Alex’s heart flutter in his chest.

He lay there for a moment, until he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, Henry. 

British David Eyres: About to start post-morning-skate press

British David Eyres: In case you are interested in watching

Alex practically jumped down the hatch and leaped onto the couch, switching on the TV. He sat through a commercial for Tim Hortons and then an awful one for some food delivery service starring that right-winger from Toronto, before finally panning back to Henry, standing in the locker room with a picture-perfect smile. 

They bantered through a couple of vague questions about the game, about the fund. Alex was only half paying attention, focusing mostly on the way Henry’s face, lightly pink from drills in his helmet, looked reflected in the light of the locker room

“And one last question before we let you go.” The interviewer said, “I understand that there was a gas leak in the Dallas Yellowhawks rink last night. Thankfully there were no injuries and it is currently working to be resolved, but do you have any thoughts about that, or words you would like to say?”

“I mean, I’m obviously very grateful that no one was hurt, and I’m glad that they’re taking the necessary precautions to make sure it stays a safe place for everyone,” Henry said, “And the silver lining is that my good friend Alex Diaz of the Yellohawks has come to visit me over his two-day break. He’ll be attending the game tonight. And obviously, we don't often get to see each, so it’s always nice”

 A small hint of a genuine smile broke through Henry’s perfectly trained, camera-ready grin. His eyes scrunched a bit more, Alex’s heart did approximately a million backflips and he had to hug the pillow to steady himself.

“That’s very nice Fox. I wish you luck tonight.” The interviewer said, and then it cut to commercial again.

Alex lay there for a couple of minutes, taking deep breaths to calm his pounding heart, before his phone began to buzz in his pocket. He picked it up and saw Zahra on the caller ID

Shit.

“Hey,” Alex laughed nervously picking up the phone

“You’re in Ottowa?” Zahra snapped, “Oh my god, kid the second I get my hands on you I’m going to snap you like a twig. Do you understand me?”

“What did I do?” Alex asked, “I’m off right now, I’m allowed to go places!”

“You flew across the fucking country to fuck a player of an opposing team the second you were given a free moment!” Zahra said, raising her voice, “It’s not an issue of you going, it’s an issue of getting caught!”
“We’ll be careful! I promise” Alex said

“My god you too better be.” Zahra groaned, and then hung up.

Henry returned about 45 minutes later, his bag over one shoulder, his hair still damp from sweat. He strode across the entranceway and quickly pecked Alex on the lips, before setting his bag down and taking off his shoes.

“I made cookies,” Alex said, sliding the tray across the counter. Henry took one, and ate it in one bite, licking his lips afterward. 

“They’re nice,” he said, “I had no idea you could bake”

“I mean… they came in a box. But thanks” 

Henry smiled that real, molten smile. And Alex wasted no time, kissing him again and pushing him onto the counter. They lay there for a second, Henry’s mouth still tasting like chocolate, before eventually pulling apart. 

The only word Alex knew to describe the next few hours was …heavenly. He sat with Henry on the couch, lazily making out while Parks and Rec played in the background. About halfway through, Henry realized they were out of milk and ran to the store to grab more, and something about that, that sense of normalcy, made Alex’s heart leap into his chest. 

It wasn't like he wanted this or anything to do with it, but it wasn't often that they were able to be like this. Alex to lie down and kiss freely without having to stand uncomfortably in supply closets or rent out hotel rooms. That they were together without an agenda or having to check every two minutes to make sure the door was locked. It was nice, really nice, just for Alex to be able to lie there and watch Henry slowly stir his tea.

Eventually, however, Henry had to leave for his game. Alex bathed in the last few minutes of beautiful normalcy, pecking Henry on the lips as he stood in the entranceway, bag over his shoulder. 

“Good luck” 

Alex arrived at the rink a few hours later, he had stopped at the apparel store to buy a Reds jersey. Not with Henry’s number, although that had been an option. That would be weird. He got one without a name or number, slipped it on over his t-shirt, and strode into the arena.

By the time he arrived at his seats, popcorn in one hand, soda in the other. They were excellent seats, directly behind where the net would be as soon as the game started. Behind where Henry would be during the second period. 

The game started a couple of minutes later, and it struck Alex that this was the first time he had watched Henry play in an actual game in person, without any of his own stakes weighing him down. He was majestic, of course, Alex knew that already, but he seemed to be playing better now than he had before. They were playing Anaheim, who were hands down the worst team in the league, but there were professional players and still had some good shots, Henry never even fumbled the puck.

“Now we have Barconek from Anaheim coming up, witht the puck,” the announcer boomed, “Here he comes, he’s approaching the goal line he shoots, and– look at that save from Fox!” 

It truly was a spectacular save, the shot had been high, but Henry had caught it effortlessly. Alex clapped and whooped, hoping Henry could see him from the other side of the ice.

Alex left during intermission and returned to see them about to start the game, Henry had switched sides and was now standing directly in front of Alex. And Alex, well, Alex felt like he was going to hyperventilate for the next forty minutes. 

With about five minutes left in the period, a time-out was called. Henry skated back to the bench and, a reporter and cameraman approached  Alex on the bench motioning for him to stand and follow her into the aisle.

The reporter held out his microphone and motioned to the cameraman to start rolling, and as soon as she did, Alex slapped on his media smile, tilting his chin momentarily to the jumbotron to make sure he looked alright. 

“While we’re waiting for that to be sorted,” The reporter said, “We have a very important guest here with us tonight. Alexander Diaz of the Dallas Yellowhawks.

“Such a pleasure to be here today,” He said

“Now Henry mentioned this morning that you came here today to see him play, Do you have anything you would like to say about that”

Alex tilted his head back in a beautiful, perfect laugh, “I think Henry summed it up in his morning interview very well. He’s one of my best friends and it’s not often that we get to see each other, or that I just sit back and relax watching a game in person. So I thought, why not?”

Ale looked up again to the jumbotron, which had now changed to footage of Henry sitting on the bench, there was a water bottle hanging half out of his mouth, and he was smiling up at the screen. A real smile. Alex hoped to god he wasn't blushing as hard as he felt like he was.

“Now Alex, I can't help but notice that you're wearing an Ottowa Reds jersey here today. Would you like to say a bit about that, considering you do play for an opposing team?”

Alex smiled, “Well actually, there is a bit of a secret here.” He pulled off his jersey, revealing his Yellowhawks T-shirt under it.

The interviewer laughed, flashing all his teeth to the camera. “Very clever Alex. Thanks so much for speaking with me today.”

“No problem at all,” Alex said, beaming

The game continued with Alex keeping a keen eye on every move Henry made. He was effortlessly gorgeous, and Alex thought he might die having to sit there watching him being so perfectly majestic, and not being able to do anything about it.

Eventually, the game ended, and the Reds won. Alex hung back by the locker rooms, for Henry to come out. 

“Great work,” Alex said when he saw him, “Perfect game!”

Henry smiled appreciatively, “Thank you.”

They walked back to the parking lot, Alex very deliberately holding himself back from holding his hand. They arrived at Alex’s car, but he couldn't quite bring himself to open the door. Instead, he just stood there, taking in the symphony that was Henry. 

“I wish you didn't have to leave,” Henry whispered, after a couple of minutes of silence

“I wish I didn't either,” Alex said, “But think about it like this, we have a game together in less than a month, and then the playoffs! And after you guys get eliminated in round one we’ll have plenty of time.”

“As if,” Henry laughed, playfully shoving Alex into the front seat, Alex shut the door and was ready to pull out of the driveway, before changing his mind and stepping out again.

“Did you forget something?” Henry asked

Alex nodded and grabbed him by the forearm, leading him around the garage and into a deserted back corner. He kissed Henry, hard. Bracing his temples against his thumbs. They stay there for a minute, lips pressed together, arms wrapped around, before eventually breaking apart.

“I’ll miss you,” Alex whispered into Hnery’s ear, “Already do”

He jogged back across the parking lot and jumped into his car, swerving off into the sunset. Out of his rearview mirror, he could see Henry standing there, perfectly still. The edges of a smile creasing his lips. 

Chapter Text

The next month went agonizingly slowly. Obviously, he was playing well, but it was almost impossible to pay any attention with Henry in his mind constantly. This wasn't a new phenomenon, of course. He had been there for ages. Consciously at least since he had kissed him, subconsciously ... at least since the first game of the season, the day he had caught Henry's eye as he strode across the hall in a crisp blue suit.  Lurking in the shadows, ready to distract him at the least convenient moments possible, but now it was absolutely constant. Henry Henry Henry . He should hate it, he really should, how now he had to push the sparkling of his eyes out of his head every time he geared up for a shot, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to.

When he woke up, Henry , ready to greet him with a mirror selfie of himself, freshly changed for a game, water still trickling down his forehead. After practice, Henry , an email waiting for him with countless nerdy references to English literature that made Alex simultaneously groan in annoyance, and giggle like a schoolgirl. At home watching TV, Henry , his annoyingly symmetrical face popping up in an ad for NHL today, or, god forbid, that horrible commercial for the charity. At night asleep in his bed, Henry , his hands bracing his temple and his mouth kissing down his chest.

It was infuriating.

Alex couldn’t get enough.

An obvious downside of this, of course, was that people were starting to notice. No one knew who, of course, but he was definitely starting to get looks from his teammates. 

About three weeks before the game, Alex had boarded the jet that would take the team to LA and immediately stowed himself away in the farthest seat back. He waited until the rest of his teammates booted up Super Smash Bros., before dialing Henry’s number.  

“Hello love,” Henry's voice said, Alex closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the headrest. Oh. There it was again.

“Hey,” Alex said, trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible, painfully aware of his entire team in earshot of him “How’re you doing?”

“Alright,” He could practically hear Henry’s sly smile through the phone, “Just reading,”

“What are you reading?” Alex asked immediately, just another innocent factoid that Alex felt like he might die if he didn’t immediately know.

Henry’s voice immediately lifted even more, “Maurice, E.M. Foster. It’s excellent.”

“What’s it about?” 

And then Henry was off. He talked to him for the next hour. His voice was low and steady in Alex’s ear. Alex drifted in and out of paying attention, sometimes hanging onto every word, others just basking in Henry’s rounded vowels. Eventually, his soliloquy wound down and they sat in comfortable silence for a couple of seconds. If he closed his eyes, Alex could imagine Henry’s breath was coming from beside him, he gripped his armrests to steady himself

“I’ve got to go now,” Henry said eventually

“All right,” said Alex, his spirits dropping a bit

“I miss you,” Henry offered

“I miss you too” Alex tried his best to whisper, although he clearly wasn’t quiet enough. The second he hung up, he could hear Carver shout from the other side of the plane

“ Who do you miss?” he yelled, kicking one leg over the back of the couch and walking up to him. The Smash had warped into Mario Kart, and Carver's excited yell was rough to break up the rest of the team's arguing. They stared at him with wrapped attention as he strode up to Alex.

Alex shoved his phone face down on the arm of his chair. “No one, just a friend” 

“A friend huh?” Carver said, wiggling his eyebrows, “Are you sure?” He reached his arm out to scratch Alex’s phone from the armrest but stopped in his tracks when he heard a sharp voice behind him

“Carver,” Zahra snapped, “Don’t even think about it. We don’t need another Babcock incident on our hands”

Carver looked down sheepishly and dropped his hand to his side, “Sorry”

Zahra nodded towards the couch. The rest of the team jeered at him and he dragged his feet back to his chair

Alex looked up at Zahra and laughed guiltily, but she just rolled her eyes

“Jesus Christ” She groaned, grabbing Alex by the elbow and dragging him into the back room. 

Zahra closed the curtains behind them and crossed her arms, staring Alex down he felt a shiver go down his spine. She was tiny, sure, but terrifying nonetheless

“You can’t stop thinking about him, can you?” She said keeping her voice low, but her eyes still piercing 

Alex swallowed nervously, “I mean– it’s not constant”

“I’m going to take that as a yes,” She said, “Alright kid. I know we’ve already had a … talk about this, but I needed to speak with you one-on-one.”  She sighed and looked around at the small changing room, it was barely large enough for the both of them. It was sealed off but most definitely not soundproof, hence the whispering, “I was hoping that we would be able to do this in a slightly more private setting, but here we are. This is … uncharted territory for the league. We’ve never had anything like this happen before. And I want you to think very, very carefully–”

“We’ve already told you that we’re not going to stop,” Alex said, a feeling of frustration brewing in his chest

“It’s more than that, you do realize right?” Zahra said, “I was willing to be very lenient when I thought this was a, how do I put this … friends with benefits situation. But you guys are constantly calling and texting and you fucking blush every time his name is brought up– if you start properly dating then we’re going to need to get some more people involved in this.
“We’re not.” Alex said shortly, “We’re really not. I swear.”

“Fine.” Zahra said, shaking out her shoulders, “Fine. This is fine. During our next Ottowa game, we’re going to have to have another talk about cross-team relationships. We can't have this distracting you from your work.”

The team pulled up to the hotel a couple of hours later and immediately rushed to their rooms, Alex collapsed in his bed the minute he got in and reached for his phone to text June that he had arrived, but before he could even enter his password, there was a sharp knock on the door.

He opened the door to reveal Henry, a warm smile on his face and a spark in his eyes. Alex stood there for a moment, taking in the symphony of it all. Tall, broad, and handsome. His hair was brushed cleanly back away from his face. Close to perfection in the human form.

“Hey,” Alex breathed out, grabbing him by the wrist and taking him inside. They wasted no time at all, immediately starting to take off Henry’s shirt, “I missed you so much,” he whispered into his hair

“Me too,” Henry said softly

Henry sat on the foot of Alex’s bed afterward, phone mirror out, intricately brushing each strand of hair back into place. Alex marveled as he watched him put himself together again, a bit pained with the implications. Everyone had seen Henry afterward, put together and Xamera perfect, but it was such a personal moment to see him put the look together himself. 

Henry just finished doing his top button when there was a knock on the door, Henry ducked into the bathroom and Alex poked his head into the hallway to see Zahra standing there, stern as usual.

“Conference room. We need to talk about you and Fox. Again.” She said, “As soon as he picks up the phone.”

Alex gritted his teeth and opened the door to reveal Henry sitting on his bed, thankfully fully clothed this time.

“Jesus Christ.” Zahra groaned, rolling her eyes, “You two– I can’t– ugh.”

“Sorry,” Alex said meekly

“Five minutes,” She said, slamming the door in his face

They trodded out of the room, one behind the other, Zahra leading them with a stony expression on her face. Heads turned as they walked past, and Alex couldn't help being reminded of being called to the principal's office in grade school 

She motioned for them to sit, and then brought out a binder stacked with papers. She cracked her knuckles as if to ready herself, and flipped to the first page, “Alright. Now by my understanding, you guys have already played one game against each other during your” she gesticulated vaguely, as if their entire extraordinarily complicated relationship could be summed up in one snap of the wrist, “Thing. Which frankly is a whole HR-related mess that we don't have time to go into right now. But we still have to go over some stuff to make sure you’re both keeping your heads in the game. 

Alex cringed, “Like what?”

“For both of you, the game has to be your absolute first priority. But you guys have to be sure you can handle being around each other, without getting distracted.”

“We can,” Alex said flatly, ‘We’ve played each other before.”

“Yes I understand that, but we have to put safety first.” She supplied a few papers from the front of her binder, “Sign here. It just says that we have the right to move you guys around on your lines if we see you getting distracted.”

They both groaned but did as they were told, sliding the papers back over the desk as it was completed. 

Zahra nodded curtly. “Alright. And the last thing, Diaz, we’re going to need to tell Ellen.”

Alex groaned, “ Really?”

“Yes really . At this point, it’s an issue that concerns your ability to play the game, and that’s something dealt with by the coach. I’ll tell her if you really want me to, but she will need to be able to plan accordingly.”

“Erm– does that mean we’ll have to tell Shaan as well?” Henry asked, looking pale

Zahra waved her hand, “Not my circus, not my monkeys. If you get distracted and fall over I’m not the one who has to deal with the consequences.”

Henry seemed to relax in his chair, and Alex offered him a reassuring squeeze under the table.

Stepping out of the conference room, they were greeted by arms wrapped around their shoulders. They turned to see Pez standing there, a blinding white smile sweeping his face, only tainted by the gap of a kissing tooth on his right side. 

“Are you two excited for tonight?” He asked, “I heard that Carver bought about 20 bottles of vodka at the duty-free.”

“What’s tonight?” Henry asked, shaking off Pez’s arm

“The party babes,” he said, “The one I’ve been planning for the past week. We’ve emptied out the ballroom and everything, it’s going to be incredible.”

“Why are they giving us permission for a party anyway?” he asked,

“Oh come on mate,” Pez groaned, “Do we need a reason to get completely tanked?”

“I didn’t ask why it was happening, I asked why they let you.”

Pez shrugged, “Something about as both being guaranteed a playoff spot, it was pretty much whatever would win them over. Anyway, be there.”

He patted them both on the shoulder and ran off to bombard Liam and Carver, Alex and Henry turned to each other.

“You going?” Alex asked

Henry shrugged, “Probably. At least for a bit.”

Alex walked into the ballroom a couple of hours later, It had been fully converted into some mixture of rave and middle school dance. The entirety of both teams were there, mixed in with the occasional equipment manager.

“Alex!” Liam shouted, stumbling across the room to wrap an arm around his neck, his breath already reeking of vodka, “What’s up man? That Okonjo guy throws a great party amirite?”

Alex nodded, reaching out and grabbing the shot from Liam's hand. He knocked it back feeling the warmness pool in his stomach and settling his nerves. 

Henry strode in a couple of minutes after Alex, twisting his hands together nervously, in front of him. Alex’s breath caught again, as it always did the first time he saw him, even after a break as short as a couple of hours. 

“Hey,” Alex said gently, putting one hand on his forearm, “You doing alright? You look freaked out.”

Henry pulled a small smile, “Yeah. I’m alright. Just a bit … nervous I guess. Big parties have never been my thing.”
“We can leave,” Alex said immediately, “We don't have to be here, there’s booze in my minibar.”

“It’s fine. I'm fine”

He offered up a meek smile, which Alex responded to by grabbing a bottle from the bar and making his way towards the nearest table, taking Henry with him. Within minutes, it felt like the rest of the room had disappeared.  They were passing the bottle back and forth, kicking each other under the table whenever one of them said something even vaguely funny. It was still loud and sticky and a bit too warm, but Henry was animatedly telling a story about him and Bea as kids, and everything seemed a bit more muted.

“You know,” Henry slurred after his story had completed, “I’m just now remembering how bad of a track record you and I have when it comes to alcohol.”

“Really? It’s all I’ve been thinking about all night.” Alex laughed, sliding. a hand up Henry’s thigh, and watching his face flash with shock as he leaned into his touch, “We can go upstairs if you want?”

Henry nodded ever so slightly, stood, and whisked Alex away.

The next hours were a blur, a beautiful, multi-colored blur of vodka and expensive feeling bedsheets, and amazing fuzzy emotions that made Alex want to keel over. The thoughts of Henry Henry Henry amplified times a hundred as they were pressed together again. Finally.

They ordered room service and sat next to each other on the couch, some action movie playing in front of them that neither of them were following, or cared enough to try to. Alex traced his fingertips up and down Henry’s body, covering every inch. Listening to the stories it held. A small scar underneath his hairline from a rogue puck, a constellation of grease burns on his arms from his first attempts in the kitchen. Henry responded in turn, and Alex talked in low whispers feeling shivers go up and down his spine. Just him. Henry Henry Henry , the two of them behind the locked door of their hotel room.

They packed up and stowed away at Henry’s house after a couple of hours of pure bliss. Sneaking out the back entrance and listening to the roars of the party fading out behind them. They walked back to Henry’s place, and he broke out a new bottle of wine that they passed around. They were sweaty and tired and oh-so drunk, wafting in and out of consciousness until they eventually passed out at about four o’clock, tangled up in a mess of legs and arms and red lips stained with wine. It was perfection and agony all at once, and Alex could barely believe he was real. 

Alex walked into the rink the next morning, the last traces of his hangover still throbbing in his temples. 

“Thank god you’re here,” Zahra said, grabbing Alex by the forearm, “Morning skate starts in half an hour. Get changed.”

Alex looked at her apologetically, “I was just–”

“Plausible deniability.” Zahra sneered

Alex nodded and made his way towards the locker room. Liam was the only one left inside, head down, strapping on his kneepads

 He looked up at Alex when he walked into the locker room, giving him a slight nod. He had dark circles under his eyes but looked to be in slightly better shape than Alex was, he didn’t look half asleep, for one.

“Wow man, you look exhausted,” Liam said after a moment

“Yeah, I turned in kinda late last night,” 

Liam raised an eyebrow “I didn't see you at the hotel,” 

“Oh. I roomed with Fox. He has a shit ton of guest rooms so … ” Alex half-lied, hoping he wouldn’t notice the color rising in his cheeks

Liam stilled, his hands still on his laces. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Alex had completely finished padding up and was just about to grab his jersey when Liam spoke again

“Um– can I ask you something?” He asked, “And like, don't take this the wrong way. At all.”

Alex pulled his jersey around his neck, “Um, alright. What’s up?”

Liam took a breath “Are you Fox like… dating?
Alex stopped one arm through his Jersey. He could hear his face getting hot. “What? No. What the fuck makes you think– no!”

Liam threw his hands up, “Alright, I’m sorry. It’s just … well you guys are practically inseparable when we play together, you keep making up excuses to go to Ottowa and see each other. C’mon man, you left the party last night, with him, and then come back and inform me that you spent the night in his fucking mansion. You can’t blame me for assuming”

Alex took a breath and shook his hands out in front of him, dropping his gaze to the floor

“If you guys are, I don't care.” Liam continued, “But like … I just thought I should ask …”

Alex closed his eyes and gripped the bench next to him, deep breath in, deep breath out , he moved his gaze to the wall deep breath in, deep breath out , then looked Liam in the eyes again.

“Listen, dude. You cannot, ever , tell anyone about this. Do you understand me?”

Liam nodded, his jaw clenched, “Loud and clear,”

“Good.” Alex grabbed his stick from the bench and clomped out of the room, brushing past Liam on the way out. 

Alex was sitting in the corner after morning skate, scrolling through Twitter and very pointedly ignoring Liam, when he was approached by a press officer named Hunter.

“Hey Diaz, you up for a TikTok?” 

Alex looked up, “You better not be asking me to dance.”

Hunter laughed a high-pitched, irritating laugh, “Na, we set up a ping pong table in the media room, and need you to play Martinez and make some witty comments. We might bring in a couple of Reds later to make you look sportsman-like like”

“I appreciate your honesty,” Alex snickered, “Why not? Should be fun”

Alex walked into the press room, fussed with his hair for a moment, and approached Martinez at the table, gearing up his paddle. He did as he was told, turned his head this way and that way, made some snarky comments, and flashed a blinding smile and wink for the camera. That’ll show up well.

“Great job Alex,” Hunter said after a couple of minutes, “We’re gonna call you back once we get Fox in here.”

Alex choked on his water, “Oh! Um.. why?”

“We said that we were gonna get some Reds in here for sportsmanship,” Hunter said, clearly not noticing Alex’s shock, “And people love you two together.”

“Why?” Alex asked again. Of course, people didn’t know, if they did, he would have heard something. But what if he missed it?

“Because you're both handsome and charming and are good friends, and people think that's cute,” Hunter shrugged, “Anyway, he’ll be here in like fifteen minutes.”

Hunter exited, and Alex pulled out his phone and typed, ‘Alex Diaz and Henry Fox’ into the search bar. He was immediately greeted with an onslaught of images of the two of them. Alex laughing while in the stands at the Ottawa game, screenshots of their various Instagrams,  even blurry and glared photos of fans' televisions, all playing their commerical. Each photo was captioned with ‘Aww they’re so cute!’ or ‘#besties’ Alex almost doubled over laughing.

Henry strode into the press room a few minutes later, flanked by his own camera crew. Alex hadn’t seen him the previous morning, he had left before Alex had the chance to wake up but from the looks of it, he was even more hungover than Alex was.

“Hello,” he said as he walked in, raising one hand halfheartedly

Alex swallowed, it was getting harder and harder to remind himself of the cameras, “What’s up man?’ He squeaked out, and grabbed a paddle, vaguely hoping his slightly-unhealthy amounts of competitiveness would keep him from snapping and doing anything dumb in front of the cameras. 

They played for a couple of minutes, getting all the shots they needed and then some. Occasionally, Henry would score and flash a face at Alex which would make him forget about the presence of the various cameramen and PR managers milling around, until he responded in kind, and one of them would spout “Nice job!” From the sidelines.

“Grea job you two,” The cameraman said after a few more minutes, “Alright, something else quippy for the cameras, and then you’re free to leave.”

“Good game,” Henry said, extending a hand,

 “I’m going to absolutely destroy you tonight,” Alex said. He mostly meant it in a hockey sense. Mostly. 

“That's a wrap,” the cameraman shouted, and Alex placed an arm around Henry’s neck. Three were still people. But at least now they didn't have to deal with suspects in the comments section

“Wow, you guys are like … actually friends,” Hunter said

“Yeah. What, did you think we were faking?” Alex asked

Hunter shrugged, “Not sure. I figured you guys were amping it up a bit for the cameras, you know? But you guys like each other.”

Alex shot a sly smile in Henry's direction. “Yeah. Yeah we do”

Fifteen minutes into the second period, Alex was lunging towards the goal. He was going fast, faster than he usually went, all he could hear was his heartbeat in his ears and his breath in his chest. Martinez had the puck, and he was lunging towards the goal. The goalie wasn’t Henry anymore, just a faceless obstacle. This, this, is what he loved about the game. 

He was close to the goal, if he had the puck he was in a position to get it in. 

“Diaz!” Martinez passed to him, and time seemed to slow down. He lost his balance, tripped over his own feet, and came crashing down on top of the goalie.

“Fairly public isn’t it?” Henry whispered in his ear, and all of a sudden, all the color in his world came crashing back.

Alex pushed himself up, extending an arm to help Henry. He couldn't fight up the small smile growing on his face as Henry re-adjusted his helmet and offered a small wink

“And look at those smiles!” The announcer said over the loudspeaker, Alex looked up to see his face staring back down at him from the jumbotron, “Now that is the epitome of good sportsmanship”

Alex punched Henry in the arm playfully, for the sake of the cameras, then skated back to the bench where Ellen was staring at him, eyebrows raised.

“And one last question, before we wrap it up,” The interviewer said. Alex had driven back to Henry’s place already, but he had been held back for press. So Alex sat, perched on the end of Henry’s expensive, beige sofa. Watching him wink and grin his way through post-game press.

 “Can we talk about that laugh of yours after the fall with Alex? What was that about?”

Henry laughed cooly, but Alex could swear he saw a twinge of heat in his cheeks at the mention of his name, “I mean … Alex and I are incredibly close friends. We have been for years. But when I’m playing I usually tune out the faces of the other team, especially when we’re playing people I’m that close with. But as soon as that whistle went we weren’t playing anymore and I had just fallen into my best friend, and that’s a bit of a funny situation to be in if you understand where I’m coming from. Alex and I were just messing around a bit.”

“Well that’s just adorable,” The reporter cooed, Henry offered up an agreeable smile, “Thank you so much.”

“No problem at all,” Henry said, giving a wink in her direction. 

Henry pushed open the door to his house about an hour later, and Alex sprung you from the couch to greet him. 

“Nice interview,” He said, pulling Henry in for a kiss as he walked through the front door.

“Glad you enjoyed it,” Henry laughed

“Good to know I’m one of your best friends,” 

“Well, what did you want me to say?” Henry said, throwing his hands up in mock surrender

Alex shrugged, “Not sure. Just kind of funny, y’know?”

Chapter Text

“Playoffs.”
It had been a month since their last game together, they had tried to make up for it as best they could through late-night Facetimes and good morning texts and emails the length of the constitution. But Alex still missed him, missed him in a way that felt like it was going to rip his heart out, stomp on it, and put it back in again.
So here he was, a month later, three hours before his first playoff game of the season, listening to Ellen recite one of her rousing speeches to a room full of sweaty shirtless men.
“What about them?” Liam quipped from the back corner, Ellen rolled her eyes at him
“We were this close last year gang. Let's bring that energy back, but this time let's bridge that gap.”
“We could have won last year if it wasn't for that fucking Reds goalie!” Marinez yelled from the bench slapping it with his palm. Alex swallowed and straightened his neck, and caught Ellen's eyes briefly flash to him before she turned her attention back to the room.
“Now if you’ll bring your attention to the board, I’ve prepared a presentation—” She went off on her spiel, listing off rules and students all combined with expertly crated acronyms.
But for all the groaning and eye-rolling that followed, Ellen's strategy proved successful. They won that game, and the next, and the next. Within the week, they had completely swept Calgary off the board.
By the end of the week, Alex was exhausted in a way he had never felt before. Every free night he wasn't playing was spent sitting on the edge of his bed watching Henry’s games.

He expressed these woes to Herny on Facetime one night, curled up in the fetal position with a pillow to his chest and his cell phone propped up on his nightstand.
“Believe me, I’m exhausted too.” Henry sympathized, “But you know If we win tonight, we’ll both have a full week off before round two starts”
Alex tilted his head, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Do you wanna … come over?”
Henry arched an eyebrow, “Like .. to your house?’
Alex straightened up and grabbed his phone from the nightstand, “Yeah. I mean, we have guest rooms. We’ll make a vacation out of it. Bring Pez and Bea. My dad's already planning on coming up.”
Henry was silent for a moment, and Alex had a brief moment of panic, wondering if he had overstepped. Henry had turned his head away from the camera so he could only be seen in side profile. Then he spoke. Softly enough that Alex almost couldn't make it out through the crackle of the phone, “I’d like that”

Chapter Text

Henry did win his next game, and the morning after, he, Pez, and Bea pulled up the driveway of the house. There was some weird British pop-punk blaring from every speaker, and the window to the passenger seat was rolled down to reveal June hanging her head out the window, hair billowing in the breeze.

Alex and June trotted down the steps to greet them. Pez opened the back door first and swung his boots to the ground. Here was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and an extremely oversized suit jacket. An outfit that would have looked absolutely disgusting on almost anyone else, but Pez somehow made it work.

 Bea exited the passenger seat next, not even bothering to open the door, climbing out the window instead. She was wearing a pink and black dress that went down right over her knees. 

And then Henry. Oh god, Henry.

 He swung the door open and extended one long leg towards the floor. He was wearing a black blazer over a tan shirt, his hair had been cut since the last time they had seen each other, there were an expensive-looking pair of sunglasses sitting atop his head and his eyes were practically glowing in the warm, early summer sun. Alex felt his stomach drop down into his feet as Henry shut the door behind him and leaned lazily into it. 

His panic must’ve shown on his face because June kicked him in the back of the knee to snap him back to reality

“Hey,” He said, shaking his head to wake himself up and turning to Percy in an attempt to pull his eyes off of Henry “Congrats on the win,”

“Thanks, mate,” Pez said, clapping him on the shoulder, “You too. That game three overtime was–”

Bea groaned and rolled her eyes, “Please. No more hockey talk. They’ve been arguing about proper stick etiquette for hours.”

“Yeah, well we had to listen to your awful music the whole ride,” Pez said, “We’re even” 

“It’s not awful! It’s–”

“Bea!” Nora said, running down the front steps, “I didn’t know you were coming!”

She smiled and brought Nora in for a hug, “Yes. I mean, I’m in the States anyway to watch the playoffs so I thought, why not.”

“Hello,” Pez said “We’re also here,” 

“Yeah whatever British boy,” Nora said

Henry threw his head back and laughed handsomely. There it was again. The feeling of molten gold pooled in Alex’s stomach. 

June raised her eyebrows discreetly at Alex, “Alright y’all let's go inside. We just ordered pizza. 

“We should also probably leave these two alone.” Nora piped in, earning her a snicker from Bea and an elbow to the ribs from June

Alex wanted to roll his eyes but secretly was a bit thankful for at least some privacy. And his first priority anyway was dealing with Henry, who was currently standing in front of him looking like a fucking Greek god. The girls and Pez trotted inside, snickering, and Henry wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist

“They all know now,” Alex said softly

Henry nodded, “Yeah. If we stay more or less hidden from your dad, we can just ... be.”

Alex turned to look at him, upon close inspection he could see the small gash from a puck above his right eyebrow. “I do want to tell him. Eventually. I mean, he was fine with me being bi, it’ll probably be more awkward than anything else.”

Henry nodded a bit, “You know you don't have to until you’re ready, right?”

Alex nodded and pressed their foreheads together, breathing in the scent of Henry’s cologne. Of course, he would be wearing cologne on a casual vacation, why wouldn't he be? “I do want to tell him. I will tell him.”

Henry pushed his chin forward, meeting their lips and sucking all the air out of Alex with one swipe of his hand against his lower back.

Fucking finally  

Henry pulled away after a couple of seconds, not letting go of Alex’s hands. “Right. We should get inside before Pez eats all the pizza”

Alex nodded, “You go, I’ll grab your bags. And then we should get our rooms set up.” 

There were three upstairs guestrooms to be occupied. Bea initially complained about having to room with Henry, before realizing that more likely than not, that room would be for Henry to ditch his clothes in and then abandon for the rest of the trip. They had finally unpacked and were sitting in the living room, pizza between them before they heard a car pull up in the driveway.

Pez and the girls rushed downstairs, and Alex stood to join them before he was pulled down by Henry grabbing at his arm.

“What’s up?” He asked, crouching back down

Henry leaned in for a kiss, rolling him over onto the shag carpet, when they pulled apart, he offered a shy smile, “Before we have to stop again.”

Alex leaned in for one more gentle peck on the lips before Henry pulled him up again 

“Come on then!” He said brightly, “I want to meet your father.”

Alex obliged and stood up, but not before taking a minute to bask in that warm feeling again.

“Hey, Dad!” Alex said, trotting down the stairs with Henry behind him, “How’s it going?”

“Hey, kiddo. It’s going alright.” He pulled Alex into a one-armed hug, then reached out a hand to shake Henry’s “Nice to meet you, and congrats on the win.”

Henry coughed, “Oh! Erm– yes, it's great to meet you too. Thanks”

Nora giggled behind him, and Alex had to elbow her in the ribs to shut her up. Henry kept standing there, standing in front of his father looking like he had just seen a ghost. 

“You guys go inside,” Alex said, “I’ll grab your bags”

He turned his head to watch Henry go up the stairs, and followed closely behind him, grabbing a bag with each arm. Henry headed immediately for the table, and Alex watched him playfight with Bea over a slice of Hawaiian. What kind of absolute monster likes Hawaiian pizza? He thought to himself, wrinkling his nose at the box, but was quickly distracted by the sound of Henry laughing brightly as he turned his head and sparkling eyes around to face Alex in the doorway. And suddenly, a realization started in his stomach and climbed up his throat. And suddenly he had a name for the molten feeling pooling in his stomach. 

“Are you good?” 

Alex felt June’s hand on his shoulder and realized he’d been standing motionless in the doorway, his dad's bag still in his hand

“Yeah. I’m fine”

Alex thought about love all day and all night. Alex thought about love when they sat on the porch eating hamburgers and weird British candy Bea brought over, Alex thought about love when they crashed on the couch and turned on some indie movie that Pez and June had both seen and swore was good. Alex thought about love when Henry snuck into his room that night in his bathrobe and tousled wet hair, and pushed Alex down backward onto the bed. 

It had always seemed like an impossibly big word to him. Four letters that were supposed to define your entire life. He had heard it said in other ways, of course. His father had been crooning it over him and June many times a day for as long as he could remember. He, June, and Nora throw it back and forth casually all the time. But in a romantic sense, it carried a weight Alex couldn't quite recognize.

 His father never dated, too busy raising him to do so. June and Nora had said ‘I love you’, of course, they did, but it had shifted from platonic to romantic so smoothly Alex hadn’t even noticed. In high school, there had been couples who whispered it to each other in the halls, but he had always thought that was a bit stupid too, as they would probably break up a week later. But with Henry, it was different. He was sure of it. So sure that it scared him a bit. 

Henry with his golden hair and ocean eyes and laugh that could brighten anyone’s day a thousand times. Henry, the NHL’s sweetheart, the poster boy for sportsmanship and kindness on and off the rink. Henry could make anyone melt with one sly smile in their direction. Henry had decided to spend his precious days of free time with Alex. Henry, who he had sworn to himself he wouldn't fall in love with, but he couldn't bring himself to feel bad. Henry, who was his , in any way that might be.

The next day, they went to the rink. Alex had called ahead and, after a few seconds of annoyed murmuring from Zahra, gotten special permission to use it. They skated around for a few minutes, Bea hanging on to the wall for dear life until Pez got her a folding chair to use as a crutch. They found some goalie gloves in the supply closet and Oscar, Pez, and Henry spent what felt like hours shooting at each other. Henry showed off his balance with some insane spinny maneuver, Nora was practicing her axles, and June was shooting pucks dangerously close to her dad’s head. 

Eventually, they broke off into teams, Henry Alex, and Nora against Pez, Oscar, and June. Skating gently across the ice and resisting the urge to check one another against hh the boards. Bea took a video from the penalty box, Eventually, Henry made a particularity rough and split his stick clean in half.

“Why don’t you go check if there are more?” June said, smiling slyly “They’re some in that closet back there,”

Alex choked, and Henry shot her a look before clomping off to go check, Alex following him.

The second he closed the door, Alex drew him in tightly and kissed him against the far wall. Henry sunk into it automatically, immediately relaxing under his touch.

“Hello there,” Henry said after a minute. He pulled away looking vaguely surprised, but not upset, “What was that for?”

“Just missed you,” Alex mumbled, leaning in again. Henry kissed back softly, but a half second later, they heard the door open behind them.

They hipped their heads around to see Oscar standing there, eyebrows up, arms awkwardly hanging at his sides. They stood silently for a couple of seconds staring at each other, before Oscar turned on his heel and walked out the door without a word.

Alex watched for Henry’s reaction, not sure if he would shrug it off or get upset, but to his surprise, Henry began to laugh and touched his forehead to Alex’s shoulder, “So much for not making it awkward”

Alex let out a small laugh in response and squeezed Henry’s hand tight in his

They skated back out to the rink, after racking down the sticks. Oscar seemed relatively normal, he didn’t try to talk to them anyway, so they kept playing. Bea took up her spot on the bench and used it to film videos of them and post them on her Instagram, where they immediately accumulated more views than any of their individual posts. When they had tired themselves out as much as they could, they spent the ride back entertaining themselves by reading thirst comments. 

Alex thought back distantly to whether he had ever felt this purely happy before. Of course, he had had his moments, but this mixture of pure euphoria and love and friendship seemed rare, perfect, and precious.

When they got back from the rink, it was already getting dark out. They drove home in almost complete silence, exhausted but content. They ate cold leftover pizza standing up, around the counter, teasing Bea about her lack of skating talent, before collapsing on the couch. After a couple of moments of halfhearted arguing, queuing up a random supernatural episode. 

They all fell asleep on the couch. June's legs stretched over Nora’s, Pez’s head on her chest and Bea with her arm around his neck. Alex and Henry passed out in the armchair on top of each other, Alex’s head on his shoulder, and he couldn't bring himself to care if his dad saw. They would have to talk about it at some point, but that point was not now. 

Alex woke again at about two in the morning, everyone else had eventually trickled upstairs already, as Alex was the only one left.

He wandered, half asleep, back up to his bedroom, and there was Henry, looking as perfectly gorgeous as ever. He was out cold, a strand of his hair moving slightly every time he exhaled through his nose. There was that thought again. Love. 

He carefully lifted the comforter and slipped in next to him, brushing their legs together. 

“Alex?” Henry mumbled, turning to wrap his arms around him

“Hmm?” Alex hummed, turning his head slightly. Henry didn’t open his eyes, but his hold tightened

“Alex,” Henry repeated, not a question this time. More of a statement,t like he was reminding himself that Alex was there, he was real, and he was his. 

Alex stumbled into the empty kitchen well past noon the next morning, still wearing his clothes from yesterday

“Hey kiddo,” Oscar said from the table, “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine. Coffee.” Alex grunted, reaching for the pot. 

Oscar allowed him a moment to down his first mug and pour himself another. He reached his foot under the coffee table and pulled out a chair for Alex, motioning for him to sit  “Do you want to talk about it? You and him?” 

Alex sighed and sat down, his mind clearer now from the rush of caffeine. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we should,” 

Oscar reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, “I want to preface this by saying that you always have my support, always, no questions asked. And that I love you, always, no questions asked”

Alex nodded, “Thanks Dad, that means a lot”

“ However ,” Oscar continued “this, whatever this is, is huge Alex. For you, and for him, and for the league, and you need to be really fucking careful about where you go from here on out Alex. I know that you know hockey isn’t the most accepting sport. So if you have to be very careful with whatever this is.”

“Believe me, I’ve already gotten an earful from Zahra about it,” Alex said

Oscar nodded, “Which brings me to my next question; who else knows?”

“Zahra, Ellen, and everyone here. And Liam.” Alex said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, it’s just–”

“Hey. No need to apologize, I get it.” Alex cocked his head at him questioningly, and Oscar revised, “Alright. Maybe I don’t get it. But I understand where you’re coming from. Now, one more question?”

“Sure.”

“How long?” 

Alex furrowed his eyebrows, “It depends on what you mean. Either since Arizona or the All-Star game, depending on how you count it.”

Oscar squinted “Alright … well, when did you two start officially dating?” 

“We’re not,” Alex said quickly

Oscar raised an eyebrow so high it looked like it might disappear into his hair, “You do realize I saw you guys”

“I mean, yeah.” Alex said,  “We do that stuff, but we’re not like … dating, y’know? We’ve gotta keep it casual” 

“Is that what you want?” He asked

Alex felt a shiver run up his spine and a headache culminating in his temples, “It doesn't matter. It’s not what he wants. And I would rather have a part of him and want more, than nothing at all.”

Oscar looked at him fora long moment. So long that Alex wondered if he was done talking, but eventually, he spoke up again “I knew about you two”

Alex’s eyes widened, “Oh. Um– how?”

“I’m not an idiot kid,” Oscar said, a hint of a smile peeking through his stubble, “I’ve seen how you look at that guy. I’ve seen that look before. And let me tell you, that isn’t the look of someone who wants to ‘keep it casual’ That’s the look of someone in love.”

Alex bit his lip “Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. But I don't fucking know Dad, this is … a lot. And it’s not like I can tell him. It’s just all so … good right now, y’know. And I don't want to ruin it”

Oscar nodded solemnly, “I mean, it’s a risk, sure. But sometimes it’s a risk you’ve gotta take. You gotta ask yourself if it’s worth it..”

Alex swallowed nervously and clenched his jaw, his thoughts spinning a million miles an hour. 

“And, if it matters,” Oscar said, “I really like him.”

Alex immediately felt a lump form in his throat, “It does. It really fucking does”

That night, they sat around the firepit in hi’s backyard, swapping stories back and forth. There were marshmallows that they had given up on roasting and were now just eating straight from the bag. At some point, Bea pulled out her bubblegum-pink electric guitar and (completely unnecessary) amp from the trunk and launched into an electric version of The Hockey Song . They sang along and groaned when she inserted an impromptu guitar solo in between the second and third verses. Eventually, they pulled Alex’s old acoustic from the basement, and passed that around as well, awkwardly plucking through half-remembered chords. 

“Have any of you guys seen Camp Rock 2?” Pez asked when Alex passed to him, Alex groaned as  Pez immediately launched into Introducing Me

Alex’s gaze flitted to Henry, who had lain back on his chair. He was halfheartedly mumbling the lyrics, a ghost of a smile creasing his lips. Alex stood and walked over to him, settling himself in his chair next to him. He lay his head on Henry’s shoulder and took in the atmosphere around them. All warm smiles and tired eyes, there was a fleck of marshmallow in Pez’s eyebrow, Bea had half a bar of chocolate hanging out of her mouth.

Henry nodded his head down to plant a kiss on the top of Alex’s hair, wove his fingers in between Alex’s, and squeezed his hand tight. His breath hitched in his chest. The cool air on his back mixed with Henry’s heat against him. The fact that they didn't have to hide when they were here. 

Alex had heard about falling in love countless times in countless ways. He had heard about it as this terrifying thing, something that threw you headfirst into it, a disjointed mess of emotions and uncertainty that you couldn’t control no matter how hard he tried. But he had also heard about it like a symphony, something sweet and pure and beautiful that fills your heart and stops your breath in your chest. He had grown up not knowing which one was real. But now he knew that both of them were and that they perfectly co-existed in beautiful harmony.

I love you, he thought, I love you I love you I love you. 

And it was perfect, so fucking perfect that Alex wanted to throw himself into the fucking fire. 

Alex woke up in his bed alone. He swiped his arm blindly across the bed and felt it empty, but still warm under his touch. He stood up and walked barefoot into the living room, to see Henry sitting motionless on the floor before the window.

“Baby?” Alex grunted, his voice horse. Henry didn't move. He walked over to him, and wrapped one arm over his shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

Henry shook his head, “Just couldn’t sleep.”

Alex placed his own hand on top of Henry’s and squeezed it tight, staring outside at the night sky. Clouds were coming in, but for now, it was clear enough to see the stars.

“Gorgeous out tonight.” Henry said, “I’ve always liked nights like this. The sky split in two, reminds me of a painting. Like something … John Constable. He has a lot of these in some museums back home. They’re some of my favorites.

“Maybe you could take me one day?” Alex said, putting his head on Henry’s shoulder, 

“My dad used to take me. Sometimes. After his shows. He would point out each one to me and explain the history. Why he painted each one. How they all look similar and are all so different in reality. I realized a lot about myself those days. He taught me a lot.”

The realization hit Alex like a fright train. Obviously, he missed his dad, he was such an idiot for not seeing it sooner.

Henry turned his head away from Alex, but not before he saw the glimmer of a single tear running down his cheek.

Alex gently reached out with his free hand and brushed the hair out of Henry’s eye with his thumb. He looked insane standing there, almost godly. His eyes were shining in the light of the stars, his hair still slightly wet from the shower and falling in front of his face in soft swirls. Alex lifted Henry’s hand to his mouth, gently kissing his knuckles. Henry offered up a watery smile

“I’m sorry, I don't really know how I’m supposed to deal with this,” Alex said, squeezing Alex’s hand, “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Stay,” Henry said, “Just ... sit here with me? For a bit.”

Alex obliged. Letting the room lapse into a comfortable silence.  Eventually, Henry’s slow fall of tears turned to full sobs, and Alex rubbed comforting circles around his back as he cried into his shoulder. Alex began to cry too, for no particular reason other than how it pained him to see Henry in that state, and they stayed curled in each other's arms.

They sat there, crying gently and gazing out the window until the clouds rolled completely in and rain began to fall, and then they sat there for hours afterward.

Eventually, Henry’s tears started to fall and Alex could tell he was beginning to drift off, so he helped him down the hall and back to his bedroom, listening to the rain on the roof and Henry’s heavy breathing, as they both gently drifted off.

It rained all the next day.

Alex woke the next morning to its soft pitter-patter on the windows. It took him a moment of adjustment to register the arms wrapped around his waist and the soft brush of breath against his neck, but once he did, he lay perfectly still, closing his eyes and leaning into Henry's hold. He lay there in content silence for what could have been minutes or hours until Henry eventually woke up. He seemed in a much better mood now, a full night of sleep seemed to do him good.

They spent almost the entire day in the kitchen and living room. June and Nora booted up a game of Mario cart sometime around eleven that continued well into the afternoon. Pez fished old ingredients out of the cabinet and made a batch of cookies with enough sugar to kill an elephant, which were simultaneously disgusting and extremely addictive.

They lounged around the house for hours, brilliantly lazy and casual, Alex and Henry still basking in the euphoria of everyone knowing . Alex took advantage of this by kissing Henry as much as hospital, which was pretty much just whenever he passed him while walking to the fridge for food, or when he was coming back from the bathroom, or pretty much at any point where they crossed paths for long enough. 

“You should tell him,” June said around noon, gently nudging him with her heel. They had the TV on in front of them, but Alex had stopped paying attention long ago. Instead watching Henry slowly lapse into unconsciousness on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Tell him what?” Alex said although he knew there was no point denying it. Of course, June knew. June always knows.

“That you love him, dumbass,” June said, “I thought we had finished the pining when y’all started fucking–”

Alex cut her off “Ew. June. Please shut up”  

“But really, just tell him. If for no other reason than to make my life easier.”

“Ugh. I don’t know,” Alex groaned, laying his head back on the head of the couch, “This isn't what we agreed on.”

“So what are you expecting to do?”  June asked, “Just keep doing whatever this is forever?”

“I would rather have a part of him than nothing at all,” Alex said firmly. This sentence in particular came out easily, as he had been repeating it in his head almost non-stop since he had driven in, but finally saying it out loud really drove home the magnitude. They’d only been together for a few months, but in that time Alex had discovered so much about himself, and he discovered more every time he saw Henry, every time he thought about Henry. 

He examined him lying on the couch, looking perfectly serene and peaceful. His sandy blond hair was spread out over the pillow behind him making something almost like a halo. Angelic.

He turned back to June who was looking at him expectantly. Her face conveyed some mix of pity and annoyance as Alex chewed his lip “I just don’t want to lose… everything we have”

“We should watch the game,” Henry said that night. It was only about 8;00, but Oscar had already gone up to bed. “I mean, it’ll determine who I’m playing next round.”

“You two can feel free, but I’m on vacation,” Pez said

“We need ice cream anyway.” Nora said, grabbing her coat from the back of the chair, “Who’s down?”
Pez, June and Bea all mumbled in agreement and stood up, following June single file out the door. Before she left, however, June looped around the couch and crouched down next to Alex’s ear

“Tell him” She whispered, “Before I do”

Alex and Henry were left alone on the couch and immediately nudged closer together. Alex could feel Henry’s weight against his shoulder. Comfortable and white hot. Electric. It seemed to be becoming more and more common that when they were together, nothing appealed to Alex more than watching him look so calm and transfixed.

Alex pulled his blanket up to his chin and leaned his head on Henry’s shoulder. 

You know” Alex whispered into his ear, “The season’s almost over,”

“For you maybe, for us, we have a few more weeks,” Henry said, Alex rolled his eyes.

“Anyway. This summer. After the playoffs, we should do this again. You can come down whenever you want. Maybe I can even kick June and Nora up to my Dad’s house and it’ll just be the two of us.”

Henry swallowed something down and gave Alex a shy smile, “I’d like that a lot.”

Alex smiled to himself at Henry’s careful reservation and then kissed him on the arm again. Henry tightened his grip around his waist.  He would tell him. But not now. There was no point in interrupting this. 

He almost told him again that night.

Henry had given up the notion of pretending to fall asleep in his own bed pretty much the moment Alex’s dad had walked in on them in the supply closet. They were lying next to each other under the blankets, listening to each other's breath and the gentle woosh of the wind outside Alex’s window

“Sucks that we have to leave tomorrow,” Alex said, “This has been great”

“Agreed,” Henry said, “But you already said, we’ll have the summer off, we can see each other again then.”

Alex smiled in response, nudging his forehead closer to Henry’s bicep,

 “We make a pretty good team, you and I.” He murmured

“Oh, definitely,” Henry said, half laughing

Alex gently kicked him under the blanket “Ew get your mind out of the gutter. I mean, that too. But I just meant in general, you know.”

Henry nodded and turned around, allowing himself to be g held by the waist. Alex exhaled softly and pushed his forehead into the back of Henry's neck, letting himself melt into him

“Yeah. I know” Henry sighed, “And I agree. We really do.”

They lay there for a moment, listening to each others heartbeats and breathing, taking in their last precious moments together before they were swept back into the panic of the playoffs. After a few moments, Alex gathered his courage and propped himself up on one elbow to tell him, only to see him dead asleep.

The next morning, they loaded the last of their luggage into the trunk of the Uber that would take them to the airport. And Alex was very aware of the time ticking down. Now or never.

“Can we talk?” Alex asked as Henry finished lifting his final suitcase into the trunk

Henry turned around, concerned, “Yeah, of course. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, let’s just, take a quick walk” Alex could hear his heartbeat building in his ears as he took Henry out into the backyard

He stood there for a second, watching Henry’s eyes flickering in the light, then took a deep breath

“Alex, what’s going on?” He asked

 “We need to talk about–” Alex gestured at the space between them “This”

A couple of expressions flashed quickly across Hery’s face, confusion, surprise, fear, but he caught himself and settled on stoic and serious, “You want to stop.”

Alex almost choked on his spit, “ No . No. I just … I want to talk about where we stand.”

“Alright,” Henry said, his voice had all of a sudden dropped to a whisper. Alex had gotten to know him especially well in these last few months, and one thing he knew for sure now, was that Henry always jumped to the worst possible conclusions. In Henry’s mind, there was nothing good that could come out of this conversation. Witht that being said, he knew it was now or never, 

“I just– I feel something. About you. About us . I have for a while now. And it’s more than whatever we’ve been pretending there is going on.” Alex could feel a lump rising in his throat, “You make me so fucking happy Henry, and I don’t … I don’t want to keep going around and pretending that you don’t mean fucking everything to me.”

Henry had gone very still, his lips slightly parted, Alex should stop, he really should, that would be the smart thing to do, but he’s never been good at shutting up. Instead, he took Henry’s limp hands in his own, and stared into Henry’s deep blue eyes, “I love you”

Henry took a deep breath and dropped Alex’s hands from his, cleared his throat, and turned on his heel, staring up into the trees.

“Right. Well then.” he said, walking briskly towards the car, “I’ll see you.”

Chapter Text

Henry completely ghosted him after the trip, not that Alex was trying. It seemed exceptionally awkward to try to text him. What the fuck was he supposed to say? So gone were the days of late-night pillow talk and flirtatious locker room messages. And it absolutely killed him.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this again,” Nora said a few days after they got home, “I swear I deal with your guy’s relationship drama more than my own.”

Alex rolled over in his bed, hugging his pillow “You don’t have to–”

“No. I do. Because I have a presentation due in the morning and your pouting is distracting me. So what the fuck happened?”

Alex briefly considered running circles around it again, but she would figure it out anyway, she always did, “I … I told him I loved him. And then he left.”

All traces of annoyance left Nora’s face, leaving her looking purely sympathetic. She crawled forward a bid and lay her head on Alex’s shoulder, “Oh hon. I’m so sorry.”

Alex swallowed, “Yeah. Yeah, it really fucking sucks.”

So is that … is that it then?” She asked, “Are you two over?”

“I don't fucking know!” Alex said, suddenly feeling frustration course through him, “I have no fucking clue what to think or do about any of this! I was so sure, I was so sure I was right about how he felt.”

Nora didn’t say anything else, she just sat on the foot of his bed in silence. Alex’s vision could have been twisted by his own tears, but he could have sworn he saw her eyes brimming.

Alex tried his best to go back to his daily life, and he thought he was doing a damn good job at it. He doubled his hours at the rink, and along with that; his caffeine intake. He watched his stats rise and his fan's nerves fall. He tried his best to ignore the fact that the last time his goals had taken so much of a jump in such a short time was the last time he was trying to ignore the thought of Henry, under very different circumstances

For the past few months, he had always had Henry, in one way or another. Henry to talk to, Henry to text with, Henry to think about . But now he couldn’t. The emails sat in his drafts, everywhere from paragraphs and paragraphs of emotional writing, to one-sentence professions of heartache, but he could never gather enough courage to send any of them. After a while, thinking about it became too painful, so he didn’t.

He didn’t think about Henry when they lost their first game in round two, as he walked back to the locker room with a hung head. He didn't think about Henry when they won the two games after that. He didn't think about Henry during the hours of strategy meetings or wind sprints. And he absolutely didn't think about Henry when they did recaps in the locker room and received the news of the Red's wins and losses, watching his face smirking at him from the monitor. 

Zahra probably suspected, of course, she did, it was her job to analyze how the team worked together and she had the information about the last time his stats jumped, but she said nothing, spare a few suspicious and sympathetic looks in the locker rooms.

Through all this, he still watched Henry’s games. No. Not Henry’s games, Ottawa Reds games. This wasn't about Henry. This was about work. It was important to know who was attending the conference finals and who had to watch the games. So that was all this was.

“You really shouldn't be doing this,” June said when Alex turned on the fifth game of the season, and noticeably straightened when his name was announced, “It’s only making you more upset.”

“It’s just work,” Alex said through gritted teeth, “I need to watch the games.”

“I just think–”

I don't care.” Alex cut her off

It was probably too harsh, but all he cared about at that moment was getting June to stop nagging him and watch the game in peace.

When Alex sat down to watch game seven, it marked two weeks since Henry had left him, two weeks and one day since he was watching last-rounds finals in this exact spot with Henry under his arm. Which was fine. It was fine. All of it was fine.

“And now, starting in goal…” The announcer boomed, Alex braced himself, 

“From London, England…” Alex bit his lip until he tasted blood 

“is Percy Okonjo”

Alex rolled his eyes and watched as the camera panned to the bench, expecting to see Henry sitting there in his pads. His baseball cap holding his sandy blond hair out of his face, but sitting here instead was a backup from the minors that he had never seen before.

What the fuck?

Alex scrambled for his phone, pulled up Twitter, and frantically typed in the address for the Otoowa Reds page. Sure enough, there was the top tweet on the account

Ottowa Reds goalie Henry Fox will be out today, and Percy Okonjo will be taking his place as starting goalie. He will be back to play in the next round if the Reds are to advance. 

Well then.

Alex almost reached for the remote to shut off the TV, before reminding himself that he wasn’t watching for Henry, he was watching for work. So he sat and watched, cringing at bad passes and mediocre saves, trying to ignore the dropping disappointment in his stomach.

Halfway through the first period, however, the doorbell rang. June and Nora were probably home early. Alex groaned and stood up, opened the door, and felt his breath catch in his throat.

Henry was standing on his stoop, the strap of his backpack hanging haphazardly over the wrong shoulder, hair tousled, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. There was a look in his eyes Alex had never seen before, some cross between unmistakable fear and absolute chaos. 

There were a million things Alex wanted to do at once; slam the door in his face or kiss the absolute breath out of him. Instead, he stood there, leaning a bit on the doorframe to steady himself, waiting for Henry to say something, anything.

“Erm – hello.” Henry croaked awkwardly, Alex let out a strangled noise of surprise, “Can we– um … talk?”

Alex took a few strides backward, stumbling a bit, and Henry followed, carefully shutting the door behind him. Alex sat on the arm of the couch, hands in his lap, mind still reeling. He waited for Henry to explain, or break down crying, or run again. But it took at least a minute of them blindly staring at each other for him to do anything at all.

“I’m– I’m so fucking sorry,” Henry said eventually, voice already cracking a bit, “I— oh God where do I even fucking start.”

Henry sat right there on the floor and put his head in his hands, and suddenly any anger Alex had been feeling towards him up to that point vanished. He was right back to being that nervous guy sitting on the curb outside a bar in Arizona.

“Hey,” Alex said gently, crouching down next to him. “It’s alright just … just start at the beginning.”

Henry looked up at him with eyes brimming with tears, and nodded gently, “Alright. Yeah. I can do that”

Alex waited for a second, watching Henry’s shoulders rise and fall heavily. He had half a mind to kiss him, to crouch down and take his head in his hands and run his hands through his hair in the way he had been missing for so long, but he stopped himself. Reminding himself that he still didn’t quite know where they stood, what Henry wanted .

“When you were drafted,” Henry said after a few more moments, his voice clearer now, but still shaky “It was my second year in the league and I was barely surviving. I loved to play, and I loved my friends, but I knew that I wasn’t accepted. I knew that if I ever wanted to come out or have a boyfriend or anything like that I would have to fight my ass off to do it. And I knew my mum and brother and grandmother would never be alright with that. I was so fucking ready to just isolate myself. I was isolating myself”

Alex had no clue at all where this was going, but there was a faint glimmer of hope bubbling up in his stomach. A thought that maybe Henry hadn’t flown all this way to dump him. He could hear his heartbeat rising in his ears

“But then,” Henry continued, “I saw you get drafted out of the minors. It was just a random afternoon, I was sitting on the couch alone and watching the draft play out, and there you were. They called your name and you stood and hugged your dad and your sister and walked up on the stage, and I felt something, and it destroyed me.” Henry’s voice broke and he shifted his eyes away from Alex, looking up to the ceiling, “Because I had been so artfully avoiding falling– feeling anything for anyone because I knew it couldn’t end well, but I couldn't stop this one. It hit me like a freight train. And I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle the fact that I had a hugely embarrassing fucking crush. I couldn’t handle the fact that you had, without even trying, broken down my carefully constructed walls of isolation, so I tried my absolute hardest to avoid you.”

“Oh,” Alex said, suddenly a million things became crystal clear. He was good at puzzles, at figuring things out. He had the brain of an athlete, being able to analyze a million different choices in a split second. He knew more about each individual player's shot than most of the league's GMs, he knew exactly how to shoot to score against each goalie, backup goalie, and EBUG.  His brain always worked fast regarding facts, so he had no idea how in the world he could have missed this one. Henry was scared. Not just now, but always.“That’s why– after you won the cup–”

“I couldn’t even shake your fucking hand because I was so afraid of what it would do to me.” Henry said, “Because I was afraid I would fall even more in love with you than I already was.”

Alex stopped breathing altogether. He gripped the arm of the couch to keep himself from falling over.

“You’re in love with me?” He choked out

“Yes you absolute asshole,” Henry half-shouted, “Of course, I’m in love with you. What other possible reason could I possibly have for acting the way I do around you?”

Alex was stunned, it didn't make sense. He had been rejected, quite literally abandoned in the woods, completely radio-silenced for two full weeks, and here Henry was telling him that he was in love with him, that he had been in love with him. About a million questions were spinning around his head, and nothing was computing.

Alex took a couple of seconds to take in Henry, the whole image of him sitting helplessly on Alex’s living room floor. A few tears were running down his cheeks, and his hands were shaking as his nails dug into the floor, but his eyes didn't waver. And there was still a wild look of confidence there that Alex had only seen a couple of times before. 

“If you’ve loved me for so long,” Alex said, but his voice didn't seem to be working anymore so it came out as half a whisper, “then why did you leave?” 

“Because I’m scared, Alex.” Henry said, “This whole thing absolutely terrifies me. And I thought that I could be with you, without being with you. But then you told me that you loved me and I– I just needed time to think.”

Alex stood for a moment, breathing deeply and trying to internalize what he was hearing, “So, why did you come back?”

Henry’s lip turned white under his teeth and slipped out awkwardly. Alex noticed it was slightly red and puffy from him undoubtedly chewing it “I finally figured out how much of a fucking idiot I was. I ran away because I needed time to think. To try to process exactly what was happening and what you had said to me. So I was sitting on my couch this morning, I had just gotten back from morning skate, and it hit me. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, and I knew that if I stayed away, it would have been the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my entire– my entire life.”

Henry was sobbing now, tears streaming boldly down his face. Alex walked forward and wrapped his arms around him, cradling him gently.

“Baby,” Alex whispered, which only caused Henry to sob harder into his shoulder

“I spent my entire life never letting myself hope that anything would happen to me. But then something did, and I didn't expect it so I reacted like an idiot.”

Alex tightened his hold around Henry’s arms and let his shoulders shake for a few more seconds before pulling back a bit, only enough so that he could look Henry in his puffy, red eyes.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Alex said

“ Please ”

So Alex did, he took Henry’s face in both his hands and kissed him like he’d never kissed him before, like he’d never kissed anyone before. It didn't matter that Henry was still shaking with sobs or that his lips were salty to the taste, all that mattered was that it was real and solid and perfect.  Alex felt steady like he had never felt before, like the whole world was under his feet and Henry was holding him up. It didn't go anywhere because it didn’t need to, there was no reason for it to. The earth seemed to fall away around them until it was just the two of them, the two of them against the world.

“I love you so much,” Henry sobbed into Alex’s mouth

“I know baby,” Alex said, “I love you too”

An hour later, they had moved over to the couch and queued up Parks and Rec, (which both of them had admitted to binging incessantly for the past two weeks) They sat in mostly silence, punctuated with the occasional I love you from either of them, and each time it send a spark of excitement through Alex. He had spent so long falling in love, and then what felt like an eternity dealing with the heartbreak. Now, finally, he got to live out the good parts that he had spent his life being told about,

“We should tell the rest of them,” Henry said after a couple of minutes, “The girls and Pez, I mean. They’ll want to know.”

Alex agreed, snapped a quick picture of the two of them, and sent it to the group chat, immediately his phone exploded with texts from all four of them

Texas peeps

bea: HENRY GEORGE EDWARD JAMES FOX YOU ABSOLUTE JANE AUSTEN CHARACTER OF A MAN

irl chaos demon: holy shit Alex

irl chaos demon: thank god I was getting so bored of your pouting

bug: yhnjmkoikwszxdedijkm thats so fucking cute

bug:  nora stop being an ass

irl chaos demon: just telling the truth! Dont shoot the messenger

bug: thats not what that expression means

pez (like the sweets): Happy for you babes.

pez (like the sweets): Hold up. Is this why you missed the game?

pez (like the sweets): you’re lucky I’m an absolutely hopeless romantic or I would be absolutely pissed at you

bug: percy shut up and let them be cute

Henry laughed and smacked the phone out of Alex’s hand, settling back down into his chest.

“I have one more question,” Alex said

“Hmm?” 

“Why did you kiss me?” 

Henry propped himself up on his elbows and turned to face Alex, “Which time?”

“The first time. In Arizona. If you had been pining after me for so long, what finally made you snap and do it?”

Henry groaned and rolled his eyes, but his smile was spreading wider across his face, “I already regret telling you about that.”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t” Henry corrected himself, “But I guess to answer your question, I was drunk. I made a stupid decision. It shook out quite well, might I say, but it was still very dumb, and I just did it. It was mostly the alcohol.”

“I don't believe you.” Alex said flatly “I mean– believe it was a stupid decision because it was. But I just don’t believe you only did it because you were drunk, something had to have changed.”

Henry bit his lip, deep in thought, before standing from the couch abruptly. He walked wordlessly across the room, rifled through the backpack he had ditched at the door, and pulled out his notebook. He rifled through the pages a bit before ripping out one from the middle and handing it to Alex.

“I wrote this after I kissed you,” he said as Alex glanced down at it, “You know journaling helps me make sense of things. And let's just say that night … I needed to make sense of some things.”

The sheet was completely covered in Henry’s thin, loopy writing, but it was more scrawled now there usual. It was like it had been written spur of the moment, by someone drunk and distraught in a crappy motel.

I am the world's biggest idiot. I have never done anything so absolutely stupid in my entire life. I woke up this morning in an awful motel room, and the memories started flooding back. I was drunk, I was drunk and emotional, and this gorgeous man was in front of me being an absolute idiot, and I just couldn’t help myself. I had to go and kiss him.

The worst part of all this is that I enjoyed it. Of course, I enjoyed it. It was amazing and electric, and he was so strong and steady, even though he was probably just as drunk as I was, and he tasted like vodka and a little bit like chocolate somehow which was just wow . If I hadn’t just outed myself and ruined one of my closest friendships, it would have been perfect.

I don't know what will come of this—nothing good. In the best-case scenario, he hates me. Worst case scenario, my career is over. I don’t know why I’m such an absolute idiot. Why did I let my emotions get the best of me? Why couldn't I just keep it together?

 I can't believe I let my guard down like that. I've jeopardized everything for a stupid moment of weakness. I don't even know how to face him now. How do I look him in the eye and pretend like nothing happened? How do I play him again, how do I talk to him again? 

I wish I could go back and undo it all. I wish I could erase that moment from existence. But I can't. 

And whatever this will mean for the fund. Alex is such a big part of this, whatever this will mean for the kids. 

It was selfish and stupid and fueled by longing and alcohol, and it probably just cost me everything. So here I am, screaming into my notebook in a dark room, alone, again.

“Oh. Wow.” Alex said after he had finished reading.

“Yeah.” Henry agreed, “Wow”

Alex took a moment to process what he had just read. Henry came back around the couch and sat next to him again.

“What were you thinking?’ Henry asked

“During the kiss?not much,” Alex said, shrugging, “First that I was surprised, and then that I didn't mind it, and then that I was surprised that I didn't mind it. And then I kind of … short-circuited? A little?”

“Wow,” Henry said, tilting his head and staring at Alex like he couldn’t quite believe he was real. Alex let the moment stew, not letting go of Henry’s hands, not breaking eye contact. 

“You’re really down bad for me, aren’t you?” Alex said eventually, Henry immediately grabbed a pillow from the end of the couch and began playfully hitting Alex with it. Eventually. Alex found a grip on Henry’s elbows and rolled him over until they were on top of each other, and pushed him down for another kiss.

“Hello there,” Henry said 

“Hi,” Alex responded

Henry made himself at home again on Alex’s chest lifted the remote and pressed play, but after a few minutes he seemed to stop paying attention

“Everything alright babe?” Alex asked

Henry exhaled through his nose, “Do you mind if I ask you another question?”

“What’s up?”

“Does this mean– are we–” Henry chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. When he spoke, he sounded shaky and nervous “Are you my boyfriend?”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up and the outline of a smile creased his mouth “Yes you absolute asshole. Of course, I am.”

Henry’s cheeks pinked, “Alright! I just … I wasn't sure!”

Alex chuckled a bit, still in pure disbelief of Henry’s adorable bewilderment “We’ve been sneaking around together for months, spending hundreds of dollars on plane tickets to be near each other, and were emailing and texting almost constantly. Then you literally flew five hours to come tell me you’ve been in love with me for the past two years, and now you’re wondering whether or not we’re official?”

Henry groaned and dug his forehead into Alex’s chest, “I know, I’m an idiot!”

“No, you’re not,” Alex said immediately. “You’re actually very smart. That’s my second favorite thing about you.”

Henry arched an eyebrow, “And what exactly is your favorite thing about me?”

“I think you can guess”

Henry laughed and bit his lip, looking up at Alex with gorgeous, light-filled eyes. And suddenly Alex was falling in love all over again. He hooked the neck of Henry’s t-shirt with one finger and kissed him softly. He wanted to live in that moment forever, wanting to be with him forever.

“I have more,” Henry said after a few more hours. They had stumbled dup to Alex’s bedroom, Alex was almost completely asleep, but Henry’s words woke him up a bit

“W’dyou mean?’ Alex mumbled

“More letters. About you. I kinda … wrote about you a lot.  You really want to know what was going through my head?”

Alex’s eyes widened, “Yes! I mean– yeah. Always.”

Henry nodded and stood up, he disappeared out the door for a few moments, before returning with his notebook, and he handed it, to Alex.

Nervously, with shaky hands, he opened the book to reveal a dozens of sheets of paper, all covered in Henry’s same handwriting. Some were more rumpled than others, but Alex immediately recognized them as being the same as the page Henry had shown him the afternoon prior. 

Alex propped himself up on the headboard, opened it to the first page, and began to read.

27/10/23

Alex Diaz has been here all weekend. I have neglected to write recently, because putting these thoughts down would make them real, and I have been trying to deny them for as long as possible, in hopes that they would disappear, but that cannot happen any longer. I must release them somehow if I am to let them go.

The final day of Alex’s weekend here has proven to be an absolute disaster. I thought that I could do this without having any more fiascos but that has proven not to be the case. When Philip showed up in that ballroom, I felt time stop. And Alex was the only one who noticed the change in my expression. When I left, Alex was the one who found the time to follow me. I saw him, backlit against the hallway, looking like an absolute angel, and I felt that again. The flutter in my stomach and the roaring in my ears. Stronger. So I must put it down. 

I have feelings for Alex and have for ages. Have since that first day I saw him on that godforsaken television and he flashed those perfectly straight teeth of his at the camera. And it may be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I never have to have another conversation with the man, if I wanted to I could block his number right now. But something about him pushes me against it, something about him makes me need more.

3/12/23

My relationship with Alex has been developing, and I fear what this may mean for me. Our communication has gotten more and more elaborate. Emails now, instead of texts. And in these longer messages, I find myself trapped in a loop of emotion. I write things to him I’ve only ever poured into this notebook, and I can’t stop myself from hitting send. He doesn’t know that of course, he will never.  My only attempt at covering it up is to dress it all in a joke, but I feel that even that defense might my fading away. 

I’ve never been any good at emotions. A childish crush shouldn’t be driving me to the brink like this, but even so. As we grow closer, I can feel the days ticking by until I do something extraordinarily stupid, and I can only shudder to think what that may be.

There are things he sends to me when I can almost hear his voice in my ear. Snide little comments he doesn’t think about. “You should wear a blue suit,” he says “It brings out your eyes” How am I supposed to go on when I hear these things coming from him? How am I supposed to function when he writes me things like this? That means everything to me but nothing to him.

It is all I can do but sit here and scream into my notebook, to follow his advice as nonchalantly as possible. I wish my life didn’t have to be this way.

6/12/23

As I am writing this, I am sitting in a bar in Dallas. There is awful, bland pop music blasting from every speaker, and I am sitting alone. Alex, Nora, and June have left. They invited me to come along, but watching him dance with every woman in sight while I stand there alone wasn’t very entertaining.

It’s not all awful. He invited me here, he wanted me here. He at least enjoys my company in some way. And as I sit here watching him laugh, it fills me with immeasurable joy, even underneath the despair and alcohol. That at least I have the privilege of watching him from the sidelines

There is something odd about being here and being in this situation. Many men would fantasize about having his many people want them, if for no other reason than the comedic factor. But I don’t wa

I had to stop writing mid-word, Alex came up behind me and tried to encourage me to dance with him. Of course, I couldn’t stand my ground, of course, I had to go and torture myself further. I simply don’t understand why I can't just get over him.

The next letter was one Alex had recognized as the one Henry had shown him before. But Alex still reread it, hanging onto every word. 

“I know it’s cheesy and dramatic,” Henry said, “It helps to dramatize it, I guess.

“ No .” Alex said, “No it’s actually really cute when it’s not super depressing”

“I think that these entries in particular might be more often than not,”

Alex tilted his head down at him, and softened his voice, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you”

“You didn’t know,” Henry said “There’s no way you could have known. And you didn't hurt me, I hurt myself”

Alex lay his head back on Henry’s chest and, with a nod of permission, turned the page 

2/3/24

Day one of the all-star was today, just the skills competition. It should be a relaxing competition, I get to see some friends and make some saves. The issue is that this is my first time seeing Alex since I kissed him. God, I can’t believe I kissed him. Even writing it is hard. The worst part is that I know I inflicted this on myself. I’m the one who got drunk and kissed him, and I’m the one who decided to turn up today. I could have decided not to come. I could have told Shaan no and spared myself, but there was something about seeing him again, even if it hurt, that I couldn’t resist.

We had the skills competition today, and he spent the entire time glaring at me from across the rink, I can tell he’s angry. It’s possible I can make it out of here without talking to him, but it’s unlikely, terrifyingly unlikely.

But I can't stop, I was expecting all of my feelings to be replaced with fear and embarrassment, but they’re not. They’re still right there, and as strong as they were when I left that Arizona hotel, stronger even. So when he approached me during the tandem, and I saw those infuriatingly golden eyes in the light of the arena, I felt absolutely terrified, but that familiar warm feeling also snuck up on me and spread through my chest. And it was absolutely awful.

This goddamn American has me in a chokehold, pray for me.

2/6/24

I’m currently on the flight back to Ottowa, and my brain is spinning a million miles an hour. I didn't manage to make it home without talking to Alex, he cornered me in a locker room. I figured he was going to yell at me or something in that vein, but he didn’t do anything like that. Instead, he kissed me. 

I don’t even know how to write about that. 

I don’t even know how to think about that

Good god, I’ve never felt like this before.

Alex had to put the notebook down because he could feel his pulse rising and tears welling in his eyes.

“Oh baby,” Alex said, running a thumb along Henry’s cheekbone, “Oh my god. I just– I don’t know what to say”

Henry didn't respond, instead, he rolled around and grabbed Alex by the waist, burrowing his forehead in his back. Alex felt himself reflexively relax into him.

“You leaving tomorrow?” Alex mumbled, then internally cursed himself for bringing down the vibes again

“If you want me to,” Henry said, “ I was actually thinking of the day after if that’s alright”

“Obviously,” Alex said. With that, he felt himself drifting off. 

Chapter Text

Alex woke up the next morning and very quickly filtered through emotions. First, his chest flooded with sadness in the same heartbroken way he had been waking up every morning for the past two weeks, then confusion about why there was a warm body pressed up against his back, legs tingling together, arms wrapped securely around his waist. Finally, he was hit by a wave of pure euphoria that spooked a breathy laugh out of him, which he quickly silenced with his fist so as not to wake him.

He carefully slipped out of bed, pulled on a shirt, and entered the hallway. He peered at Henry through the door, taking careful consideration of him still sleeping there before he shut the door. All the tension that he usually carried in the lines of his face fell away when he slept, he looked extraordinarily peaceful and serine, the usually worry line sin his forehead fattened out in a way that was extremely rare for him. Alex couldn’t resist walking back through the door to silently run a hand through his soft, sandy blonde hair before creeping out into the hallway again and pulling out his phone.

“Zahra?” he whispered after a couple of rings, “Can I get your– er help with something?”

He heard a sigh from the other end of the line, followed by the noises of a cup of coffee being poured, and then chugged. Then another one being poured before she eventually answered, “You want the rink.”

“Um– yeah.” He said meekly, chewing on his bottom lip, “How’d you know?”

“I’m not fucking blind kid.” She groaned, “I know you guys have been going through a … thing lately. And then. I heard from Coach Strivastiva that he called out of the game for no reason, and I kind of put two and two together.”

“Right,” Alex said, gritting his teeth. They really were awful at this.

“You better not let anyone see him, with you or alone. I’m not going to be the one under fire because your boyfriend decided to ditch work to come to be with you.”

Alex sighed, but couldn’t fight off the smile tugging at the corners of his lips from the word boyfriend , even if she was using it to tease him “I won’t. I promise. But seriously … do you think anyone will care?”

“Yes, I think people will care you idiot, Styvesant from Toronto admitted to taking the subway to and from games and the press hounded him about it for weeks. Can you imagine what they'll think if they found out the fucking … NHL heartthrob ditched work to come to Dallas”

Alex sighed, as usual, Zahra had a very good point “So I’m going to take the rink thing as a no then?”

There were more noises of coffee-chugging from the other end of the line before she hissed out a reply “You can have it, but you better fucking appreciate this, Diaz. I have a million things to deal with, with Erikkson out, and babysitting you and your ….goddamn … secret relationship drama isn’t on my list.”

 “Thanks, Zahra,” Alex sighed.

 “Don’t thank me, just go away. And for the love of god keep it discreet. I don’t want to have to deal with anything else right now, I have enough on my plate”

Alex opened his mouth to defend himself. But before he could the line clicked off.

“Henry,” Alex said after he had stumbled back into the room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes

“What?” He murmured, cracking his eyes open slightly. When he made eye contact with Alex, a tired smile broke out across his face

“Get up,” he said, throwing his shirt at him from his backpack, “We have plans,”

Henry smiled, but before Alex could make for the bathroom Henry grabbed his hand and pulled him back down on the bed, pecking him lightly on the lips

“Stay,” he mumbled, Alex let out a noise of begrudging approval and kissed Henry back, hard

“I guess we don't technically have to leave now,” he said, already feeling himself get tired again in Henry’s arms, “Maybe a few more minutes…”

“Forever,” Henry said, dropping his head to dig it into Alex’s chest, “I want to stay with you forever.”

Alex knew he meant it casually, he knew that he meant he didn't want to wake up, but there was something about that word, forever, said in Herny’s drowsy and comfortable voice that seemed to carry so much weight.

As Alex fell asleep again, with the sunrise barely peaking out of the bay window, he caught himself thinking me too . 

When Alex woke up the second time, Henry wasn't next to him anymore. He rolled around and lazily checked the alarm, he had slept another two hours.

He rolled out of bed again, pulling on a pair of shorts and the first sweatshirt in his drawer, and then heading to the kitchen.

Nora and June had come home sometime during the night, and they were sitting around the table with Henry

“Hey baby,” Alex said, approaching him from behind and wrapping his arms around his waist, “Good morning,”

Herny hummed his approval  and turned his head to kiss Alex’s neck, Nora and June's booth oohed like middle schoolers

“Shut up you two,” Alex said, secretly feeling pleased with himself. He moved on to kiss Henry on the lips, he tasted like Earl Grey and toothpaste.

“Are you wearing my sweatshirt?” Henry asked suddenly, glancing down at Alex’s torso after he pulled away from the kiss

Alex’s eyes flitted down as well, and he realized that he was not only wearing a sweatshirt that belonged to Henry but his media sweatshirt. Complete with his name and number

“Oh,” Alex could feel the color rising in his cheeks, “I guess so, Didn't even notice. You must have left it here”

“Keep it for now,” Henry said, brushing a thumb over Alex’s cheekbone, “It looks good on you.”

Alex’s heartbeat rose in his ears as he leaned in for a kiss, Henry’s hands traveled up his back and he flattened one broad palm over his shoulder, Alex shuddered into his touch. 

You guys are giving me cute aggression,” June said, gnawing on her lip until it turned white under her teeth, “It’s very annoying”

“Also, If you haven’t noticed, we’re home now, and still waiting on our hugs,” Nora said, rolling her eyes in June's direction

Alex obliged and pulled June and Nora in with one arm each,

“If you care,” Henry said, taking another sip of tea, “We won last night.”

“No thanks to you,” Alex quipped

Henry gasped in mock offense “If you would rather me not be here, I would happily fly right back to Ottowa–”

“No, you wouldn’t” Alex cut him off, he broke free from June and Nora and came around to hug Henry again.

“No, I wouldn’t” Henry sighed, leaning his head back on Alex’s shoulder after a moment he stepped back and turned to him, “Where did you want to take me this morning?”

“Oh,” It seemed a bit silly now, for some reason. “I convinced Zahra to give us the rink. Just the two of us. I realized I had– um– never skated with you before just the two of us. I thought it might be–”

“Romantic?” June cut him off

“I was going to say fun,” Alex said, getting more flustered now

Henry clearly sensed his rising nervousness, because he reached out and lay a hand on Alex’s shoulder, “That sounds great.”

Half an hour later, they pulled up to the rink, Henry had tracked down an old pair of Alex’s skates and glided onto the ice. 

It had only been a couple of weeks since Alex had last seen Henry skate in person, but he couldn't help but still be awed at how graceful Henry really was. When playing, his poise. Was almost always completely obscured by his pads, but now, free of those, his figure skating past was clearly starting to pull through,

He did a series of graceful, one-footed, spinny maneuvers around the ice, his eyes lighting up with a look of pure glee. 

“What’s that face for?” Henry laughed

“I just like … really love you,” Alex. said

Henry smiled wider, wrapped his arm around Alex’s shoulders, and pulled him slowly towards his torso. Alex reached a hand up to clasp Henry’s. They did a couple of laps like this, Alex resting his forehead on Henry’s shoulder as he led him around the rink. He was strong and steady under him, so much so that Alex could relax completely, the muscle memory taking over his balance. It was a strange sense of serenity under the fluorescent lights

‘You really love to skate, don't you?” Alex asked

“Do you not?”

“I do. But more than that, I like to play. I like being able to make a difference and be part of a team and of course, it's my passion, but you seem just to like to be on the ice.”

Henry turned his neck and pushed a kiss to Alex’s hair “I suppose, for me, those things are separate. I started figure skating years before I even held a stick. It's the reason I wanted to go into the sport in the first place,”

Alex noodled and pulled Henry in closer. There were a couple of more minutes of silence, Alex was starting to value the comfortable moments without a word between them just as much as when they were talking. He never knew how to shut up, but at these moments it always felt a bit more natural.

All of a sudden, Alex felt Henry’s support come off of him, and he had to stop himself from tumbling headfirst onto the ice. When he regained his balance, Henry was already halfway across the rink.

“Fuck you!” Alex yelled through his laugh, breaking out into a sprint to catch up with him, “What was that for?’
“Oh come on, you’ve had worse collisions!” Henry said, beginning on another lap of the rink. Instead of joining him, Alex skated to catch up to him, and they did a couple of laps in silence before Henry pulled out again and leaned against the wall, watching as Alex continued to skate.

“Jesus Christ,” He groaned after a moment, his head falling back to rest against the wall behind him. Alex’s thoughts immediately flooded with worry as he picked up his face and snowplowed to a stop in front of him

“Are you alright?” Alex said immediately, but when Henry looked up, his eyes were filled with soft amusement.

“Jesus Alex,” he laughed, “I’m fine. Just … realized something”

“What?”Alex said, his worry still not completely dissipated

“Just that I love you a lot, that’s all. I mean — obviously, I didn't just realize that, but I was just thinking about it. It’s kind of remarkable just how much I love you, it makes me a little delirious to think about.”

Henry was exceptionally good at making Alex completely forget how to use his lungs. He stood there for a few seconds, focusing on taking deep breaths so he didn't have to pull his eyes away from Henry’s. Thankfully, he seemed at least partially aware of the effect he was having on Alex and gently grabbed his hand and pulled him in by the waist, beginning to gently sway back and forth.

“For starters,” Henry said, “I love how you never give up. Ever. It’s actually kind of incredible how much that never seems like an option to you. I don't think you’ve ever even considered it.”

“I have,” Alex said, “Believe me I have. I just … don’t. I can’t”

Henry smiled, a little bit sadly, “That’s more than I can say for me. All I ever do is give up.”

Alex felt his jaw drop almost comedicly, “ Henry . You have to know that's not true. You’re the bravest person I know.”

Henry bit his lip, and Alex could tell he was fighting back tears. Instead, he just nodded into a kiss. Alex could tell through the shaky pressure of Henry's hand against his back that he believed him, at least a little more than he used to.

“And that brings me to number two,” he said as he pulled away, “Just how much you believe in me. And everything I do. It’s more than I do sometimes.”

Alex could feel Henry’s sentimental tone begin to drill into him even more than it already had. FilIt was filling with even more of a drugged sense of euphoria than he had before.

Henry pulled him this time from the front. He kissed him softly, brushing his hair back from his cheek before Alex gently lowered his head down to rest on Henry's shoulder. Henry began to skate very slowly backward, only pushing enough to carry his glide as he began to slowly circle the rink again. The not-so-sentimental corner of Alex’s brain was a bit happy that because of the skates they were wearing, Alex was a few inches taller than him now.

“Number three,...’ Henry said into his ear, “How you treat people, every person. You give everyone a chance. It’s my fault that, initially, I blew it”

“In your defense,” Alex said, “I was being kind of a dick at that point too. And I think you made up for it eventually,”

“Oh, you think ?” Henry said in mock offense

“Oh shut up you asshat!” Alex said, playfully shoving Henry’s arms. He bumped his shoulder, so he was knocked off balance, and they both went tumbling down onto the ice.

They laughed and rolled over, but as the last of their grins faded away and Henry’s ace returned to its usual contemplative half smile, Alex felt the silence begin to weigh on him, and all of a sudden he was very aware of the sting of the ice on his shoulders.

There was an elephant in the room question, that even with their hours upon hours of constant discussion in the last few days, he knew they had both been dancing around it

“Last night,” He said into Henry’s hair, “You … er— said something. And I just wanted to check where we— er– stand. On that particular topic?”

“What exactly did I say?” Henry questioned, coking his head in concern.

“Nothing,” Alex said, his sudden wave of confidence gone,” Nothing. Sorry it was dumb, It was just an offhanded comment and I’m overthinking it as usual. Nevermind.”

A brief expression of recognition and horror flashed across Henry’s face, his eyes filled with an all-too-familiar anxiety. 

“Oh shit” He whispered, “This morning … I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have”

“No. Alex said, “Jesus Christ man. I didn’t– I don't mind. At all. But we do have to talk about where we stand.”

“What do you mean?” Henry asked, his voice a little shaky

 “You and I … resolved what happened. When you left. But … if this is going to happen. We do have to talk about what … what forever means.”

Alex recognized the next face Henry pulled as well. This one stung him even more than the faces of anxiety that seemed to always be in the shadows of his expressions. This was the same face he made that day outside his house. Stone still, lips apart, eyes wide. For half a second Alex was scared he was going to run again, but his skates were planted on the ice, and although he was shaking, Alex knew he wasn't going anywhere.

“So you think we should …. tell people?” he croaked

“Baby,” Alex said, burning a thumb over Hnery’s cheekbone, “I would never force you to come out or tell anyone before you were ready, and I completely understand if you never are, but—”

“I want to.” Henry said suddenly, he seemed surprised at his own exclamation, “I mean– not now. But maybe … this summer? Obviously only if you want to. But I don’t— I don't want to hide forever.”

Alex’s insides flooded with warmth as he looked Henry up and down. He was gorgeous, of course he was, everyone with even a passing knowledge of professional hockey knew that.  But there was a stark difference between Henry striding for the bus to the rink in a crisp suit, or Henry sweaty and geared up with his hair plastered to his forehead, and Henry here. Eyes wide and emotional, shoulders wet from their fall on the ice. Offering his heart to Alex, and giving him full permission to stomp on it. 

This version of Henry, so vulnerable and pure, was his. It belonged to Aklex and no one else, and he knew for a fact he would ie to protect him.

“Yeah,” Alex said, “I would like that.”

They drove back to Alex’s house, Henry’s arms around his neck as he drove down the street.

Alex kissed him goodbye softly in the doorway, and felt him melt as he often did in his arms. The familiar, comfortable silence spread warmly through Alex’s chest again, as Hery stood backlit in the doorway.

Henry <[email protected]> 14/2/24 5:17 AM 

You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you

Dear Alex,

I am currently sitting on the jet on my way to Boston with, a mini fridge open in front of me, the bottle of white wine I had stocked is already half empty. My teammates are all screaming over some video game in the seats ahead of me but I am physically incapable of thinking about anything other than you at this moment. It’s quite annoying, I have many more important things to think about than a random Texan forward with flowy hair and gorgeous eyes. even with all of this, I can no longer restrain myself from reaching out to you. I miss you more than I previously thought was possible. 

I hope you can excuse the subject line for this email, which borrowed from one of the most famous passages in Pride and Prejudice. I usually try to ward myself away from using extremely popular quotes when I reference them unless they mean something to me. And before all of this, this quote in particular has stumped me. Obviously, I understand it, but it is only now hitting me how extraordinarily nuanced this particular quote really is.

All of this hinges on the Austen's use of the word must. A simple word, but one that carries much meaning. The word behind many tricks GSCE questions, and many sessions of late-night ponderings, for both philosophers and British hockey players alike. For a long time, I thought it could only be used in a life-or-death situation. Only if you had no other choice could that word be properly used. But now I understand that the word ‘must’ is most often used when one has a complete and utter lack of restraint. 

 The restaurant is something that I have often prided myself on and something that you completely robbed from me. Never before have I been so swept up in something that I snap and blindly kiss my coworker in a fit of drunken frustration. Never before have I completely ditched what might as well be one of the most important games of my career to fly across a country to apologize. But I have no restraint when it comes to you, Alex, which is why I simply must tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

Because I do. I do love you. And I’ve loved you for ages, even before I met you, I loved you. I love you and I love how you treat me, in a way that I don’t think words or even actions can convey, but I just have to hope that you feel the same and that you understand. Now more than ever, I think you do.

About what we were talking about at the rink, about how I’m scared, I still am. Of course, I still am, but every time you text me or call me, I feel a little less so. I’m starting to almost look forward to it, in a tentative kind of way, I hope you at least understand where I’m coming from with all of this.

Yrs forever

Henry

Chapter Text

“ Alex”

Nora’s voice in his ear felt like a scythe in his head, cracking his eyes open and peering out the window, he saw that it was still dark out. 

“What happened?” He mumbled propping himself up on his elbows. As his eyes adjusted to the like, he saw that June was also standing over him, eyes wide open. 

Both girls swallowed and exchanged looks at each other, Alex felt his stomach drop in his chest
“What happened?” he repeated, his voice more grave now, “Is it Dad?”

June stood one shaky hand towards Alex, the headline of an article facing up, and Alex felt his throat go completely dry.

NHL STARS ALEX DIAZ AND HENRY FOX’S RELATIONSHIP REVEALED AFTER ARENA SECURITY FOOTAGE LEAKED

There was half a moment of complete disbelief before he felt his throat begin to constrict. He took June's phone in shaky hands and began to go through the photos. Hima and Henry at the rink, just a week ago. Henry is in his arms, whispering something in his ear. Henry and him driving home from the rink afterward, his head on his shoulder. Safe and warm like he seldom was. But the worst one, Alex recognized from months ago, him and Henry in eh parking garage, Henry kissing back with confused agreement.

Alex’s heart was beating in his chest, there was no longer a drop of moisture in his throat. He lay his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes, laying in the dark and trying to push through the panic attack he could feel rising. His throat. But it didn't work. Of course, it didn’t work. 

He could feel his fingers clenched in the sheets, but he couldn't move, he didn't want to move.

In some far-off corner of his mind, somehow not clouded by the pure anxiety coursing through his veins, he felt a hand enclose around him. He squeezed back hard.

There were few things going through his mind other than the usual pain that goes along with panic attacks, but there was one thing. However, through a feat of impossible strength, he managed to float one word to the top of his brain. 

Henry.

He didn't know if he had fallen asleep or not, but he was thinking with such vivid clarity that it could have been a vision. News reports flashing on a TV screen, slurs, his face flashed in red like a serial killer, Henry’s next to him, his eyes cutting through the filter in two bright pinpricks of blue. His phone blowing up with headlines for what felt like days, he kept expecting them to stop, but they never did. And he had to watch, he couldn't look away.

 All of a sudden, the headlines began to change, from the terrifyingly possible concoctions of his imagination to real ones. Ones he had seen before

JASON CLARKSON REFUSES TO WEAR PRIDE NIGHT JERSEY, SIGHTS RELIGIOUS BELIEFS

HOMOPHOBIC COMMENTS FROM HOCKEY PLAYERS AT AN ALL-TIME LEAGUE-HIGH

SEATTLE COACH COMMENTS ABOUT HIS REFUSAL TO WEAR PRIDE PIN TO GAME, SAYS IT “A PERSONAL CHOICE”

And on and on and on. All real, all terrifying. Soon, these faded out too, into a scene that Alex recognized like the back of his hand. An empty hallway in the rink, his team crowded around in their t-shirts, kicking a ball between them.

A pass goes out of control, and Alex tries to intercept it, but before he can get his foot on the ball, Liam has it in his hands and is making way to throw it toward his face

Now he’s on the ice. There’s the familiar sensation of him being charged, he braces himself for a check into the boards, except this time the Jersey is the same as his own. The player has no face, has no number, but it doesn't matter. He’s one of his own. A betrayal. More people are crowding him now, not just players anymore. Faceless, unnamed fans. Swarming down from the rafters and onto the ice, he looks around wildly for help, for anyone to help him, but no one comes. He can't breathe at all anymore. His chest is constricted from the wall of people crushing in on him. 

All of a sudden, the ice seems to fall away from under him and he’s falling, and falling, and falling. 

After what could have been minutes or hours, Alex assumed it was closer to the latter as there was the sun peeking out from the window, he finally felt the anxiety clearing out enough to open his eyes.

June and Nora were both still in his room. He never expected anything from them, of course. June, Who’s and he had been gripping so hard that they now appeared red. Nora was standing up behind her, phone outstretched.

“Thank you,” Alex said earnestly, grabbing the phone out of her hands. 

Nora nodded and touched a finger to June's elbow, leading her out of the room. Staring at the home screen he could see dozens of messages from the tea, ten calls each foromEllen and Zhara, but he scrolled past those instantly and called Henry.

It didn’t even get through a ring before Henry picked up, “Oh my god. Alex. Hi. I tried calling you but you didn’t— I thought you wouldn’t–”

Alex immediately recognized the panic in his voice, “I’m here baby. I’m here. It’s okay.”

he paused for a moment, Just to hear Henry breathing from the other end of the line. He didn't want to admit it, but he had been scared too.

“I’m so sorry baby,” he said after he caught his breath, “I’m so sorry I took you to the rink. If I hadn't then we wouldn't have—”

“No.” Henry said shortly, “No, this isn’t your fault. Please don’t think it was your fault.”

Alex knew the earnestness in his voice was genuine, “Alright. I won’t.” He breathed in, then out, “Do you want to … talk about it?”

“Can we just talk?” Henry asked meekly “Not about this. Not yet. Just talk. I want to hear your voice”

“Okay,” Alex said. And it struck him with a sudden realization that Henry had a game the last night, meaning that more likely than not he wouldn't be able to sleep, so he was more likely than not awake when the story broke. That he had probably been calling him for hours. He wanted to kick himself.

“Well, when I want to think something through or distract myself, I like to make lists.” Alex said, “And lately, the list I’ve been using is a list of things I love about you. You had yours, can I give you mine?”

“Oh yes.” Henry breathed, and Alex couldn't help but crack a smile at his bewilderment.

“That's the first one,” Alex said, “How oblivious you are of things that are fucking obvious. It’s adorable.”

Henry let out a strangled trace of a laugh,  and Alex went on, he could feel the panic loosening in his chest in real time. Not completely, of course, but enough, just enough.

“I love the way you taste when you kiss me in the morning, like Earl Grey and toothpaste. And how when you kiss me you flatten your palm on my back to steady me, and I love how when I do the same thing it's like we hold each other up, it’s like everything in the world disappears around us. Like nothing else matters.”

 He untwisted himself from the sheets and walked barefoot down the hallway. He sat himself down in front of the window and leaned on the frame, staring out at the just risen sun. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine Henry beside him as he had just a few weeks ago.

“I love watching you during games, not just when you play, but also when you’re just on the bench, or when you talk to the press. I love it when I can see you lipsyncing to the songs playing at the rink when you are on the bench. I love the way you talk in interviews, like you’ve rehearsed it, but it’s also super clear that you love it. That’s another thing, I love it when you love things.”

He could hear Henry’s breathing getting shaky from the other end of the line, but Alex didn’t stop. He didn't think he could stop even if he wanted to. 

“I love how strong you are. And how you never stop trying stop pushing.  I love how much you care. I’ve never seen you do anything that you don't care about at least a little bit. It never stops astounding me.”

The second he finished his sentence, he heard Henry’s sobs break through him. And Alex realized he had been crying too. They sat in silence for a few minutes, the early morning clearness only punctuated by the shaky sounds of their sobs and Alex’s phone still vibrating with an onslaught of messages from everybody in his contacts. 

When he finally got his bearings enough to move again, he picked up his phone from where it had fallen out of his limp hand and onto the floor and switched it to Facetime. The sun should have been fully up in Ottawa, but Henry’s room was still completely dark. His eyes were red and puffy, strands of his bangs plastered to his forehead. He jumped and scared himself with the awful way he looked. His cheeks were stained with tears, there was sweat pouring down his forehead and wetting the front of his shirt. It was hard to believe that just a couple of hours ago her had been confidently strutting down the halls of the arena, his suit sharply held 

“God I miss you,” Alex breathed out, “I promise, we’ll get through this together.”

“I miss you too,” Henry said automatically, “And I know. I know. It just … seems impossible right now.”

“I know baby. Believe me, I know.”

Henry paused for a moment. And Alex could practically see his wheels turning behind his eyes. A million ideas working at once. 

“Have you seen what people are saying?” Henry said softly, his voice quavering

“No. I haven’t quite… felt up to it yet. Have you?”

“Some of it,” Henry whispered, “Mostly emails from my press team. Some … nicer than others. I called Bea. God I feel awful for her, she didn't sign up for this–”

“Hey,” Alex said, gently but firmly, “You didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

Henry swallowed but nodded his head curtly. Alex knew he didn't believe it, but that was fine, he would eventually.

“I just … I really want to see you,” Henry said, “Good god, for some reason I just …. I feel like that would make it better. At least a little bit.”

Alex was suddenly hit with a wave of confidence that usually only came about him when he was gearing up for a tough shot. It started in the pit of his stomach, then shot up his shoulder blades and down his legs, culminating in fire behind the eyes.

“I’m coming to Ottowa.” He said firmly

“Alex, you can’t keep–”

“I’m coming to Ottawa” He repeated, “Hold on for me. Don't talk to the press. We’ll figure this out together.”

Henry opened his mouth, then shut it, Pondering for a few seconds. Alex could see his own criminally low self-esteem battling with his need to be loved behind his eyes. before he croaked out a low “Hurry”

Alex hung up the phone with a shaky hand and mustered the courage to go through his texts. It seemed everyone he’d ever reached out to had sent him a message of some sort. Every one of his teammates had individually texted him, the group chat had upwards of a hundred messages on it. His PR team, manager, and everyone down to the team's equipment manager seemed to have something to say, and Alex didn't want to see any of it. He checked off a mental list in his head, June, Nora, Henry, his father was next, and even the thought of him sent a bit of relaxation through Alex’s head. His dad was his rock, even more than June had been, he knew for a fact that he wouldn't give a shit about the politics of the situation, and he needed that right now.

Thankfully, he didn't have to scroll through his dozens of missed calls to find his father,  he seemed to have called at least twenty times in the past two hours.

“Hey kiddo,” Oscar said the moment he picked up the phone, his voice was solemn, but understanding, “Oh my god. Are you doing alright? Who am I kidding, of course, you’re not.”

Alex let out a shaky kind of laugh, mostly relieved that his dad was reacting exactly how he had expected, “I’m … I’m managing.”

He heard his father let out a sympathetic sigh in front eh the end, “I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now.”

“Rough.” Alex said honestly, snorting out a pained laugh, “Really rough. But I’ll survive.”

“So what’s the plan?” He asked, which was oddly comforting. Alex knew he cared, he could hear it in his voice, but this was just … his way of caring. Problem solving. 

“I’m going to try to get a flight to Ottawa. To see him. And then … I guess we’ll just … figure it out from there. What else can we do, Dad? This whole thing is completely out of control. But … I don't know. I just have to think about it a bit. Preferably with Henry.”

“Have you spoken to him?” Oscar asked

“Yeah. Yeah, I have. He’s having a rough time of it. I’m going to try to get to Ottowa by tonight”

“Then stop talking to me,” Oscar said, “Talk to Zahra. I’ll try to get there by tomorrow.”

Alex offered up a watery smile, “Thanks, Dad. I love you.”

“I love you too kiddo. Go get ‘em”

Alex's heart rate was thumping slower in his chest now, as he scrolled through his contacts again.

Trying his best to only read the names, he only had to scroll a bit in order to find Zahra's name, there were a couple of angry-looking messages in all caps, but he clicked the call button and held his breathe as the phone rang

“Jesus Christ.” Zahra breathed from the other end of the line “You are– I swear to god– wow”

“I’m really sorry, Zahra…” Alex whispered, his voice breaking, “I just– it was a complete accident. I don't know what to do–”

He was cut off by another sigh on Zahra's end, but this time it was twinged with something that sounded suspiciously like sympathy, “Good god kid. Alright. Let's get you on a plane to Canada and we’ll talk there”

Alex choked on his own spit, “Oh! Um, thanks! I was assuming I would have to ask first or…”

“We’ll talk there,” Zahra repeated, “Get changed, bring enough stuff for at least three days. We’ll work from there”

Before Alex could thank her again there was a click from the other end of the line and she hung up again. 

Alex drove out of his driveway half an hour later, Nora and June into the back seat for moral support. After a few minutes of halfhearted bickering, Alex had agreed that Nora should drive, especially considering he was still feeling shaky and nauseous. It felt like everyone on the sidewalk was staring him down, although he knew that wasn't possible. 

They sat in silence, nora had taken his phone and shoved it to the bottom of her bag to keep him from doomscrolling or making eh mistake of opening a message that he shouldn't see. It reminded him of the three of them being in high school again. They stayed off the internet as best they could to avoid Game of Thrones spoilers, but no they weren't spoilers, just cruel and hateful lies.

Alex had made this drive dozens of times before, except usually, he was in a bus full of shouting teammates, clapping him on the back and hyping each other up. The familiar signs out the window seemed to be coated in a grey haze. It made him want to die.

When they eventually pulled up to the small airport they would be departing from, it struck Alex that the rest of the team would be leaving to play game six against Edmonton in just a few hours, and there would probably be a few select teammates there early, just the thought of having to face them made the already solid knot of anxiety in his stomach stretch even tighter.

June sensed his anxiety, of course, she did, she always knew, Before they kicked out of the car she rummaged around the trunk and pulled out a hoodie and a baseball cap

“Who do you think I am, Chris Evans? “ Alex grumbled but stuffed on the hat, and ducked into the airport. He felt like a fucking idiot, like an ashamed idiot who couldn't even show his face around the fucking airport. 

As they made their way through security, Alex couldn’t help but notice a new feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach. Throughout that day's constant feeling of dread, there was a spark of brightness beginning to burn its way through the constructed wall of terror built up in his chest. It was the same sense of relief he had felt when he told June and Nora, a sense of pride, of ‘you know now, he’s mine’ Alex could barely believe it for himself. Henry. The NHL’s star player with the golden hair and bright blue eyes and knee-weakening accent. Henry the heartthrob, the favorite, the man who could rank up more thirsty comments than any other player in the league with one modest photo. His . And now everyone knew it. 

They managed to exit the airport without being seen by any of Alex’s teammates, and thank god for that. Zahra was sitting on eh steps of a smaller plane, one cup of coffee in each hand, rapidly talking with her phone on her shoulder. When Alex drew nearer to her, he could hear a bit of what she was saying

“Well then take someone from the minors, they’re no way this guy is playing tonight.” A moment of silence where Zahra angerly knocked back another sip of coffee., “Because this is a fucking traumatic thing to happen to a person is why. No one should be expected to have something like that happen to them, and then turn around to play an NHL game the next day.”

Alex took a few more steps further, and Zahra’s eyes moved from her coffee to look up at him. Her expression was steely but unreadable, and Alex was starting to seriously doubt the sympathy he had suspected before. 

“Hey you three,” Zahra said, as straightforward as ever, but Alex heard what sounded like a bit of exhaustion creeping through her voice, “Get on the plane, we’ve got five hours to Ottowa, and a lot of talking to do”

Alex settled into the comfortable seats, but couldn’t stop fidgeting around, he was, rather unceremoniously, reminded of being. In middle school getting called to the office., having to sit under the rage of his principal as he was lectured for interrupting eh teacher or drawing in the bathroom stalls with Sharpy or whatever other bullshit, But this time, the formidable figure was a five-foot-five general manager in three-inch heels, and Hunter the PR manager, typing away anxiously on his laptop in the corner. 

Zahra sat in the chair in front of him with a sigh, her hands folded calmly in her lap, the coffee thrown into the trash can begin her, June and Nora had occupied a single seat next to him. June with one hand next to her on Nora's thigh, and one hand holding Alex’s. 

“As I’m sure you all know.” Zahra said after a couple of moments of silence, her voice low but steady, “This is a first, in many ways, for the NHL. And as any organization has to do when something happens for the first time, especially on such a public scale, there are certain things we have to … deal with.”

She crouched down and began ruffling through her ginormous pause, eventually emerging with another huge stack of papers. Alex shuddered at the thought of how much she must spend on printer ink. 

“Here’s how the next four days are going to go; I am going to spend the next three hours asking you every question I can about the situation without getting Fox involved. Then, I'm going to take a two-hour nap. After that, I will have you three dropped off alone at his house where you will figure out all the .. essentials in private. This will be followed by two full days of meetings and paperwork, while we decide how to approach this. Then, on day four, regardless of what direction we choose to go in, you, Fox, Ellen, coach Strivastiva, and I will be doing a full day of press. Whether that be drafting you a memo or filming fucking TikTok. That’s clear.”

It wasn't a question, but Alex swallowed and nodded, “Crystal”

“During this,” Zhara continued, “both teams have been strongly advised to decline any comment about this during any interview. So we’re safe in that regard.”

Alex’s breath was completely knocked out of his chest. Zahra talking about his teammates knowing so matter-of-factly made Alex want to vomit, and the possibility of team spilling to the whole world what they really thought about it in the same place they share their top-secret stick-taping details …

“You good?” June whispered in his ear, snapping him back to reality, Alex squeezed her hand in response, grounding him like a tether towards her. 

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Alex lied

Zahra paused for a moment for Alex to regain his footing, then she continued, now before we get into the logistics of … whatever this is. We have to talk games.”

“What about them?” Alex asked halfheartedly

“If we advance to the finals, we will be playing the reads for at least for games. Do you think you can do that?”

“Why wouldn't I?” Alex snapped, he was getting fucking tired of people treating him like a child, “We’ve played against each other before

Zahra looked him up and down and sucked her teeth, running a hand through her hair, “Because if you two play any games together, one way or another there’s going to be people pissed off about it. Either at you for letting yourself be blocked by him, or him for letting you score on him.” She was getting frustrated now, rounding out every consonant, “This is going to be rough. But you knew it would be when you decided to keep gouging with it.”

Alex put his head in his hands and rubbed his temples, “Yeah. I know. And I do … I do love him a lot.” His voice was cracking

“Enough?” Zahra inquired

There was no question there, for the first time since he had been woken up, the answer was clear, “Yes.”

All three of them were put through the wringer for the next three hours, completely as promised. Zahra went through her thick stack of papers, every once and a while sliding one across the table for him to go over. It was grueling, but Alex quickly came to the conclusion that he had not been at all incorrect in his assumption that AZahra cared a bit about him. Her mouth was its usual thin line, but there was a softness in her eyes that was completely unmistakable.

It was complete radio silence from Henry their entire flight, which Zahra assured him was only because he was going through the exact same thing on his end with Shaan. Alex knew that once he got to him, the questions would be worse and the discomfort would only grow, but he didn't care. They would either laugh together or cry together, but it didn't matter because they would be together .

“And that's it,” Zahra said finally, slamming the last piece of paper down on the stack and grabbing a blanket already ready at her side, “Don't wake me until we land, for any reason. If this plane crashes, I want to die not having to deal with any more of your bullshit.”

Alex nodded thankfully and stood up to stretch his legs, he eventually sat down in the furthest back seat on the plane, but he couldn’t find it in himself to try and sleep too. Instead, he just thought, staring blankly at the back wall of the plane. He thought about Henry, about Henry‘s breaking voice over the phone that morning, about how fucking strong he was, about how fucking long it had taken him to admit to himself he was in love with him, and how much time he might have missed out on. He thought about how clueless he was, confusing a crush for our hatred, and how lucky he was that Henry snapped him out of it. And for the first time he realized that within the curling storm of emotions in his stomach, regret was nowhere to be found. Sure, there was guilt, sympathy, and self-pity. But no regret. He knew for a fact that if he had to do this all over again, he would. 

They touched down in Ottawa, and a few minutes later, Alex, Nora, June, Hutner, and very groggy Ahra exited the plane with their luggage. Hunter drove a rental car to transport them to Henry’s house, and Alex spent the whole ride gripping his sea like a teenager getting ready for a date, He didn’t at all understand where this unbridled anxiety was coming from, but it was strong and curling in his stomach.

“We’re here,” June said as Hunter pulled into the driveway.

 Nora reached back from the passenger's seat and firmly squeezed Alex’s hand “I promise, it’s going to be okay.”

Alex nodded, he believed her, at least a little bit. Both girls jumped out of the car, they seemed to understand that it was probably best to give him a minute to breathe, so they unloaded their luggage and stood next to the car in silence, motioning for Alex to take the lead.

Hunter eyed him questioningly from the driver's seat, but Alex ignored him. He took three deep breaths in and out, and slowly opened the door to the car.

The second his feet touched the gravel drive, he slowly made his way to the house, pushing open the door softly, it squeaking on its hinges

Alex’s breath caught in his throat as he finally saw Henry in person, he was sitting on the stairs, hear leaned back against the wall, waiting for him.

When he saw Alex come through the door, he straightened up, his mouth slightly parted. He looked as disheveled now as he did, on the phone, if not more so. The circles under his eyes had deepened even more than they usually looked, but they still fled with a twinge of happiness as Alex walked into the door.

He ran down the stairs and swallowed him in his arms, holding Alex on his feet. Alex knew he was stronger than him, but now just now he was finally realizing just how much stronger he was. It seemed a bit ironic that Alex was the one holding him up when Henry’s situation was worse than his in almost every way possible

“It’s okay baby,” he said softly, “It’s okay, it’ll all be okay.”

Henry squeezed him tighter in response, and Alex closed his eyes and let himself be held. He felt June and Nora squeeze behind him in the doorway,  but he didn’t care.

Henry led him up to his bedroom, the sheets twisted as he had probably spent the night tossing and turning

“So …” Alex said, “What do you want to do?”

Henry lay his head against the door and bit his bottom lip, “What do you mean by that?”

Alex cleared his throat, “I know that this is scary and horrible, and this isn't at all how we wanted to tell people, but as much as I hate it, we’re here now. And we have to decide how we’re going to go about it”

“Alright. I want to tell people.” Henry said, matter-of-factly, “You're too important for me to lie about.”

Alex felt his insides melt at Henry’s words and walked over to plant a tear-stained kiss on Henry’s lips. He knew Henry also realized the last time they had done this, it had been photographed for the world to see. 

“God you’re brave,” Alex said in disbelief, “How’s your family handling it,”

Henry helped “My mom’s been radio silence, I’m not exactly surprised, and Philip is … he’s more furious that I got caught than anything else.”

Alex felt shots of anger shoot through his chest, “You don’t deserve any of this. We don't deserve any of this. We didn't do anything wrong.”

“As much as I love listening to you deconstruct the homophobia deeply ingrained in our society,” He said, half laughing, “There’s nothing we can do about it now. It’s out there, and unless you want to deny it–”

“No.”

Henry snickered gratefully “Then we can only decide how to move forward.”

Alex gently squeezed Henry’s face in his hands, eyes red, jaw set, and was hit with a wave of love and confidence that he thought might knock him over

“You and me baby”

Chapter Text

Alex never wanted to sign another piece of paperwork ever again.

He had been sitting at Henry’s dining room table for the past five hours, and his eyes were starting to go blurry. Zahra had assured them for the fourth time in the past two hours that they were ‘almost done’ and Alex believed her less and less each time. 

He continued working his way down the form of increasingly specific promises. Checking boxes that no, he hadn't had ‘inappropriate relations’ (sex) anywhere on NHL property. 

“These all must be crimes anyway.” Henry said, when he turned to Alex’s current page, “Why in the world does anyone need to know this?”

“It’s just damage control,” Shaan said bluntly

“Look.” Zahra sighed, “Even the two of us know that you're not this dumb, but we have to make sure we cover all our bases.”

Alex thumbed through the next few pages of paperwork, “When did you even find the time to put this together?”

“Neither of us has slept since the story broke,” Zahra grunted, “And Hunter helped a bit.”

Henry groaned and put his head in his hands, and Alex gently nudged him with his knee under the table. There was still a bit of guilt eating at him, for everyone involved, but he tried to shove it down as much as he could. There was an air about Henry that was unlike anything Alex had ever felt from him before, he could practically feel the confidence radiating off of him. But Alex knew his life had only been a series of impossible-seeming hurdles up to this point, and he wanted to kick himself for creating another one.

“Done with this one” Alex said

“So am I”

“Alright, that’s it,” Zahra said, taking the papers back from them, “Good job you two.”

“Fucking finally,” Alex groaned

“Henry, can I see you for a moment?” Shaan said, “There are a few things we need to clear up about next week's schedule ”

“Don’t.” Henry said to Alex when he opened his mouth to make a joke about Shaan’s pronunciation, “Yeah sure.”

“Can we talk?” Alex asked Zahra after Henry walked away

“Sure kid,” Zahra sighed, but she seemed more resigned than irritated, “What’s on your mind?”

“Um, yeah. I was just wondering– er–” Alex trailed off, a sudden wave of shyness overtaking him.

“You want to know how the team’s reacting,” Zahra stated, purely factually.

“Good to know all of this isn’t hindering your powers as a mind reader,” Alex said, trying to force a vague smile, but Zahra’s serious glare knocked it off his face

“Well,” Zahra sighed, “The fact that you’re not texting them right now, and I know for a fact every single one of them has been trying to reach you from the second the story broke, makes me think you want me to sugar coat it for you”

His throat dried “So there is … something to sugarcoat.”

Zahra rolled her eyes and grabbed her phone from the front pocket of her jacket. There were a few seconds of typing and grumbling before she turned her phone to face him. The screen showed Ellen, sitting at the press table, hands folded politely in front of her.

“This is from this morning's press coverage.” Zahra said, pushing the phone into Alex’s hands “As you know, everyone was instructed not to comment on the matter. But … well you’ll see”

His hands were shaking as he pressed play on the video. Ellen sat straight and politely as she cycled through the routine questions of line changes and team morale, all the while, Alex braced himself for his name to be said

“One last question before we switch over,” A reporter said from what sounded like the back of the room, “ We understand that there has been nothing said about the situation about Alex Diaz and Henry Fox, care to comment?”

Ellen rolled her shoulders backward and pursed her lips, “There will be more updates on the situation going forward.”

There was a minute of silence on Ellens's end, and Alex expected the feed to cut out and move to the next member of the team, but it didn't. After a few moments, she spoke again

“However,” Alex clenched his hands in his lap “the entirety of the Yellowhawks currently, and always, will stand behind any member of our team, in whatever ventures they face”

There was a moment of silence while the video cut and Alex felt a warm feeling spread through his stomach. He didn't know what he was expecting her to say. She already knew about him and Henry’ and judging from the guarded, knowing smiles she shared with him every time he mentioned him in front of her, she didn't exactly have any issues with the two of them. But there was a difference between quiet encouragement, and sharing her support of him with anyone who wished to see it.

The next person up to be interviewed was Liam, and the interviewers were bolder now. The first guy seemed to have shown them that they wouldn't be arrested for breaching the verbal agreement that had been put into place. It only took about a minute of boring interview questions for Alex’s name to be mentioned the first time

“So, back on the topic of Alex Diaz,” The reporter said keenly, Liam swallowed, “I just want to ask the question I think we’re all thinking right now; If you all are to advance and play the Reds in the finals, is he fit to play? Are we sure that he has no personal qualms that will interfere with his ability to play?”

Alex recognized the look that flashed in Liam's eyes. It was the same look that crossed his face when he let in a goal, anger, and confusion all in one.

“That’s a load of bullshit,” he said, and Alex sucked in a breath. A murmur went through the room where Liam was being interviewed, but he continued, seemingly without care “We’re all professionals. There are fucking brothers who play each other all the time and nobody asks any questions like that to them, at least not seriously”

The reporter leading the interview cleared his throat, but Liam plowed on, “And not to mention Alex isn’t here today because his personal information was leaked for no reason. I have no fucking clue what is going on with him, and it’s none of my fucking business, but regardless of how he feels or reacts to this info, that's still a horrible thing to have happen to anyone.”

“Andersen, deep breathes,” The voice of a PR manager said from the corner, but Liam ignored her

“Any other bullshit questions to ask me, or are we done here?” 

For once, the press room was completely silent. 

“Right,” Liam said. He shut his eyes briefly, then hung his head, shook it, and let out a soft chuckle. He then stood up, gathered his belongings, and walked out of the room. 

The video faded to black

Alex took a deep, steadying breath, and handed the phone back to Zahra. His hands were still shaking, but his breath was more steady now, he could feel the relaxation radiating down his spine

Zahra shook her head fondly, “Listen, those guys … are a lot. We all know that. But most of them won't hesitate to back you up. Or swear multiple times on television for you.”

Alex felt the knot in his chest loosen even more, “Oh, wow. Yeah.”

Zahra clicked her tongue, her face was sealed with its usual look of coldness, but Alex sensed something more behind it. Almost like empathy. 

“Thank you,” Alex said, pushing out the words

Zahra snatched the phone back from him but offered a small smile. “Alright, go cuddle with your boyfriend, I have to head out”

Alex sat down on the back porch hours later, his fingers still sore from writing, but relishing the crisp Ottawa air. 

Henry came up behind him and rubbed his hand across Alex’s back, they sat in silence for a few minutes, gazing up at the trees that separated them from the rest of the world, neither of them wanting to say anything to punctuate the breathless silence.

“What do you want to do after all this?’ Henry whispered eventually, leaning his head on Alex’s shoulder, “After the finals after we do all of this press stuff, what do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?” Alex slurred drowsily

“Well, for better or for worse, we’ll be out. We are out. But we’ll have completely owned up to it. We won't have to hide anymore. And we’ll be free to just … be ”

Alex leaned his head on top of Henry’s a bit more, lazing running his hands in circles around his hair. “Well …  I would still really like it if you came to Texas this summer. We could just kind of … hang out, go skating, go on a couple of real dates.”

Henry chuckled softly, “That's amazing, don't you think? That we’ve gone through so much together but have never, like, gone to the movies?”

Alex laughed and threaded their fingers together, “Well, I’d never take you to the movies. I like to think I’m better at planning dates than that.”

“Oh? What would you do?”

Alex relaxed a bit, letting Henry slide off his shoulder and into his lap. He spoke softly as he ran his fingers through Henry’s hair, taking every inch of him. There was an air of relaxation around him that Alex hadn't seen before. Even during their vacation in Texas, Alex had caught him looking over his shoulder a few times. But now, he looked at peace, it seemed almost out of place while they were functionally hiding, not that he was at all complaining. 

“Well first,” Alex said, “I would get myself a new suit, Not one of those old ones I wear to games, a nice one, just for you. And I know you would get one too, but one you like, not one that defines your abs or makes you look good in the lighting. Once you feel comfortable in, what you like.”

Henry’s face broke into that innocent look of disbelief that it always did when Alex took his feelings into account. And Alex felt that familiar pang in his chest that that wasn't something he was used to. 

“Then I would take you somewhere, not too loud, but still public.  A nice restaurant, maybe a park. And then we would just sit there, letting everyone look. But it wouldn’t feel like people were staring, not in a bad way. It would just feel … natural, at least I hope it would, eventually..”

Henry looked up into Alex’s eyes, his perfect white teeth biting his puffy pink lips, sucking all the color out of them, “I’m so sorry I made you hide for so long,” 

“The only reason I didn't want to, was because it was you,” 

Henry smiled, a bit sadly, contemplating something. There were a few more seconds of silence before he exhaled and pushed himself up off his lap, “Pez and Bea will be here soon.”

“Oh, good.” Alex said, he paused for a moment, chewing his bottom lip, “Has he said anything about how the team’s reacting?”
Henry shook his head, “He said that he’ll tell me everything once he gets here, said that he wanted to do it in person”

“It could be good news,” Alex said, trying to lighten his voice, but Henry just grimaced.

“What were you and Zahra talking about?”

“The team, Ellen, just work stuff,” Alex said offhandedly “Nothing much”

Henry clicked his tongue and leaned down to kiss him, but as soon as their lips met, the sound of the doorbell rang through the house behind him. 

Alex watched Henry peer through the front window, but he exhaled with relief and pulled open the door, allowing Bea and Pez to pour inside.

They gathered Henry and Alex in their arms and brought them in tight, June and Nora came down the stairs behind them and joined the group hug

“Oh love,” Bea said into his ear, “You’re so brave. I’m so sorry.”

“What the fuck took you so long?” Henry said to Pez, half teary, half relieved,

“I’m sorry babes. I’ve been held up by Mary, she’s deep in damage control. Let’s say she's not exactly … happy about the whole situation.”

Bea scoffed and rolled her eyes, “I could take that old lady in a heartbeat”

They pulled apart, Henry still clinging onto Percy’s arm, looking pale “So– so the team isn’t reacting well?” He asked nervously, chewing on his bottom lip

Pex shook his head and began walking towards the kitchen. Henry followed slightly behind him, hands shaking, eyes full of worry. 

“Yesterday morning,” Pex said after he sat down, “after the story leaked. We all showed up to practice, and Mary was furious. And at first, I kind of assumed she was mad at the press—”

“As she logically should be, as those are the people that committed crimes ” Bea interjected, but Pex gently raised a hand to calm her down. 

“But after we finished practice, she brought us all into the dressing room, and…” Percy trailed off, flexing his hands in front of him, “I’ve never seen her like that before. She kind of just … stood there, for a long time. Then she started talking about the ‘NHL mentality’ and all this bullshit.”

“Oh.” Henry said, tightening his shoulders and sticking his chin out “Alright then.”

Alex felt a pang of empathy in his chest. Recognizing all the signs of Henry isolating himself, he desperately tried not to show any form of emotion on his face.

“She’s completely refusing to speak to the press,” Pez said, “I think she’s just hoping the entire thing will go away. The only plus side of that is … well …  you don't need to talk to them either.”

“What are you talking about?” Henry snapped, his eyes filled with electricity

“Coach refuses to speak to the press, and we don’t have any form of media availability until Wednesday against Dallas,” Pez said, “So that gives us three days to issue a statement. Now, Mary legally cannot speak for you, but if you give the all-clear, we can shoot down the rumors. We could say that all the images were generated by A.I. and that all of Dallas’s comments were general statements about homophobia in the league.”

Alex’s heart dropped down to his stomach. A million questions were spinning around his head at once; Lying? Has that always been an option? And if it was, would they believe any lies they told? Would the public be as ready to admit denial as they had confirmation? And what would that mean for them? More hiding? 

But worst of all was the thought that pushed through the burning forest that was Alex's brain … What if this was the end? A way out of the spotlight was also an easy way out of the relationship. He wanted to scream, to reach out his arm and pull Henry back, to beg him not to leave again, but the rational part of his brain took over. Apart from the heat rushing in his face and the yell building in his throat, he knew this was Henry's call. He was the one most affected by this, he was the one who had the final say.

Alex turned to look at Henry. He had rested his head in his arms on the table. Alex saw his shoulders rise and fall as he breathed in, out, then in, then out, before finally sitting up.

“No.” he said, his voice steady although his shoulders were still shaking, “No, I’m not going back. I want to … I want to tell the truth.”

Alex’s eyes widened as he looked up at Henry, steely and focused. He reached forward and clasped Henry’s hands in his, using him as a lifeline. 

Pez nodded and clapped Henry on the back of the shoulder, “Alright then, I’ll let her know.”

“You want to watch the game?” Henry asked, later that afternoon. The sun had gone completely down, and the world seemed completely silent outside their window. 

“Oh,” Alex said, “I hadn't even been thinking about it. Yeah, I guess we should.”

They settled on the house and turned on the TV, immediately greeted with the sounds of roaring cheers coming from the arena. Alex couldn’t help the pang of jealousy ricocheting around his chest, as he was reminded that if it weren't for all this bullshit , he would be there now. Probably sitting in the locker room, pulling on his skates and laughing about something stupid, as butterflies did tornadoes in his stomach. He exchanged pensive looks with his teammates as they skated out for warmups. Playfully shoving Liam in the arm as he chirped into his ear. Winking at a fan in the stands. His envy must have shown on his face because Henry turned to face him.

“Hey,” He said into his ear, “We don't have to do this if you don't want to, we can just check the scores in a few hours.”

“I still have to do my job,” Alex said, a little more firmly than he had intended

Henry tilted his head sympathetically, “Yeah. I guess I understand … wanting to go back to normal.”

“No,” Alex said, “Not normal. I never want to go back to normal. I’m just not a huge fan of this part”

Henry smiled and turned his attention to the TV as it moved to the talking heads portion. Four reporters sat around a table as the team logos flashed behind them.

“It’s a gorgeous day here in Edmonton as we are joined by the Dallas Yellowhawks for game six of the conference finals.” One of the reporters said, “And let me tell you the energy is electric, from Edmonton fans and Dallas fans alike”

“Right, you are,” Another reporter said, as the TV flashed to a screaming crowd, “The game is starting in just a few minutes. There have been a couple of shake-ups in the starting lineup of this game, as Alex Diaz will not be playing this game due to personal reasons.”

“He is the buzz of the NHL right now, and we’ll be getting into that more when we roll to intermission.” The third reporter said, that the TV cutting to a commercial

“Well, we have that to look forward to,” Henry said

“Is that what they’re calling it now?” Alex asked, “Personal reasons?”

“What would you rather they say?” Henry laughed, he seemed noticeably looser than he had been all day. He put on his best American accent and raised his voice a few  octaves in an impression of the reporter “‘Alex Diaz will not be playing this game because he’s fucking an opposing teams goaltender, and we don’t know how to deal with that.”

“ Henry .” he gasped in mock horror, shoving his arm “I’m an awful influence on you”

“That is true,” He said smugly

Alex leaned against Henry’s arm as the national anthem started. He could feel the excitement curdling in his stomach as the atmosphere of the rink buzzed. He had a sudden flash of memory from last year's conference finals. Skating out onto the ice as a rookie, stick held high as the crowd cheered his name. He was in the middle of reliving his memory when he heard Henry gasp again

“What happened?” Alex asked, suddenly torn out of his fantasy he looked up to the TC and immediately saw what Henry was talking about. The feed had flashed from the arena in Edmonton to the outside of Wells Fargo in Texas, and among the sea of yellow and gray, there were flashes of bright rainbow stripes popping up around the packed parking lot. Not a lot, but some are old pride jerseys from years before, and some he didn't recognize, are custom-made. But above all, was his name. His name on Jerseys, his name on signs, his name painted onto fans' foreheads. 

Alex opened his mouth to say something, but before he could push any words out, Henry slid his hand across the couch and tightly took Alex’s in his grip. Silently telling him not to talk, not to move, just to be with him.

“That’s … that’s kind of remarkable,” Henry said after a moment, 

“It’s weird isn't it,” Alex said, “I mean, we didn't even do anything, other than … kissing in public.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Henry said, cocking his head curiously “I mean, I didn’t do anything, everyone news I’m completely irresistible.”

“Oh shut up,” Alex said, playfully kicking Henry in the leg. Henry laughed and rolled over, pinning Alex underneath him.

“Jesus Christ you two,” Said a voice behind them, Ale looked up to see Bea standing behind them. Arms crossed over her chest, long brown hair gathered into a messy bun. She was wearing a red leather motorcycle jacket and ripped black jeans, and the look on her face was reminiscent of Nora’s every time he opened his mouth to start talking about hockey. “The rest of us are going to a club along the river, do you want to come?”

“I’m alright, thanks though,” Alex said

“Your loss,” She said and pranced out of the room.

“They seem to be having a fun time,” Henry said during the second intermission, passing his phone to Alex, showing a photo of Pez and Nora taking shots while June wrapped her arms around Nora's neck in the background. 

“Yeah, they do,” Alex said, “Alright I’m grabbing a beer, You want anything?” 

“I’m alright thank you,” Henry said, reclining back onto the couch

Alex was halfway back from the fridge when he heard a sharp exhale of breath from the living room, “They’re talking about us”

Alex rushed back to the living room just in time for the feed to switch back to the talking heads segment. 

“There is not as much time to talk about this issue as I wish there was,” one of the reporters said, “But we have to at least touch on the leaked images of Henry Fox and Alex Diaz. For those of you who have somehow missed it, a collection of apparently real photos have been leaked showing that the two stars have had some sort of relationship for at least the past few months.”

“As Ron already said we only have a few minutes to go over this,” The second reporter said, “And there is a lot of information about it online, as well as an article I’ve written. But to summarize, I feel that this was a gross intrusion on the privacy of both players and that it's frankly none of our business.”

“That's a bit hypocritical,” Henry grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Could be worse,” Alex said, shrugging his shoulders

“That’s our time, let's get back to the game,” The reporter said, and Alex leaned back into Henry’s shoulder. 

The Hawks won that night, and Alex walked out of the house the next morning with two things on his mind; the game, and the interviews coming later that day. 

Alex looked at his reflection in the window of the car, his hair had been painstakingly combed out of his face, and he was wearing a suit provided to him by Hunter.

Henry put a hand on his shoulder and looked down at him, and Alez felt his breath being taken away by him once again. He, as usual, looked breathtakingly gorgeous, perfectly worthy of the TikTok edits being made of him on the daily. His eyes and teeth were glimmering gorgeously in the cold sun, he looked more like an animation of a Disney prince than a real person.

“Are you ready?” Henry asked, reaching out one sweeping arm to open the back door for Alex.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Alex said to her, his hands shaking, “I can't believe we’re about to do this”

“Neither can I,” Henry said, “I can't help being a bit … excited. Is that wrong?”

“No, no. Not at all. At least … I don’t think so. I mean, it might not be under the … best circumstances.”

Henry let out a soft laugh, “No, no it most certainly isn’t”

Alex swallowed as he slid into the back of the sleek black car Zahra had rented. It wasn't until he was inside that he realized the car windows were tinted, and that fact alone sent another shiver up his spine.

When they walked into the Reds media room, Alex looked around in surprise. He had been there before, for conferences and interviews, but it seemed clear it had been dolled up just for them. The wall that was usually plastered with a decal of the Reds logo had been replaced with one for the NHL, the LED lights underneath it bouncing gracefully off the red wall behind it. The table had been wiped down, and there were at least ten times the microphones that were there usually.  A short woman in a polka-dotted tea dress hobbled up to them.

 “Please make yourself at home you two, there are snacks and water bottles on the table” She squeaked, and Alex was half-amused, half horrified, to discover she too spoke with a thick English accent.

Alex smiled politely at the woman as she walked away, then turned to Henry with a grimace, “I swear to god, you're like a magnet for British people.”

“Shaan just likes to hire them,” He said, “You should hear our strategy meetings,”

Alex snickered and nudged Henry’s arm, but he immediately felt his shoulders stiffen automatically as the door creaked open again. Zahra and Shaan entered the room, eyes forward, looking as stonily serious as ever.

“Alright boys, this is what we’re looking at,” Zahra said, motioning for them to sit behind the table. They obliged, and Zahra sat in one of the chairs in front of them, flooding her freshly manicured hands in her lap. She opened her mouth to speak, but Shaan cut her off.

“Look, all of us understand that this isn't going to be fun, there are going to be some rough moments, but I hope that you will come out the other side of this with a weight off your shoulders”

“Thank you, Shaan.” Zahra grimaced, “ There are, thankfully,  very few people in the world who have experienced what you have, especially at this scale.”

“Remember, you’re doing this for a reason. This isn’t a solitary issue. It's systemic.”

Henry nodded curtly. And Alex felt his heart begin beating faster. But before either of them could speak, PR Hunter poked his head in the door

“Alright you two, Zahra said, “It's time.”

They both nodded in unison as the doors opened and reporters flooded in. and filled the empty chairs lining the walls. There were reporters from every Sports Network he could think of ESPN, Sportsnet, Hockeynews, and Attitude Sports, plus what seemed like thousands more magazines and websites. Every one of them would be quoting them before the evening started. 

With the reporters came countless other media representatives. Photographers and lighting directors, all noisily setting up their equipment across the room. Alex couldn't help but feel like an animal in a zoo, Being made up to look good for the cameras as spectators watched from the other side of the glass.

After a few more seconds of steadily increasing heart rate, Zahra cleared her throat and the room silenced immediately

“Thank you.” She said, “The interview will begin shortly, and the floor will be opened to all of your questions, but before we begin there are a few rules I would like to go over. Please be aware of the moderators,” she gestured to either corner of the room, where two men with clipboards sat, looking stonily forward, “Neither of them will hesitate to stop your question or to escort you out of the room. Being here is a privilege, not a right. Secondly, this interview will last ten minutes, exactly. After the interview ends, you are expected to silently exit the room. As soon as that light turns off there is to be no conversation of any kind to the boys. Am I understood?.”

The reporters grumbled in agreement

“Now if that’s settled, I believe we can start as soon as we get the all-clear.”

The room went completely silent, and Alex reached out under the table to meet Henry’s hand with his.

“Alright.” Hunter said, “We are live.”

Alex looked to Hunter, then to Zahra, then to Henry, and then finally to the camera. He felt Henry's grip on his hand increase, and the ice block of nerves in his stomach melted away.

Chapter Text

NEWS: NHL stars Alex Diaz and Henry Fox address leaked images

Before we begin, is there anything that you want to say to preface the interview?

Diaz:  Yes, there is. I want to get the facts straight. Henry and I have been dating since the beginning of the season. I’m bisexual, he’s gay. For the past few months, we’ve been discussing if, how, and when we want to make our relationship public. That was taken from both of us and before we go forward with any questions, it has been an intrusion on our personal lives. I don't want to waste any time questioning whether it's true or not, because it is. It all is. 

Fox, do you have anything to say on that matter?

Fox: No. I think he pretty much nailed it. There is a lot of speculation and drama going on about this issue currently, but it is a huge invasion of our privacy.

Do you feel that it will impact your ability to play, especially going forward when playing such important games against one another?

Fox: Not at all. As we’ve already established we have played games together during our relationship and it has not hindered our ability to play with each other before

Diaz: And honestly, I think it's kind of offensive that that question has been asked so often. Both of us are professionals, both of us know how to play and not get distracted. There are hundreds of players in the league who are in relationships and none of them are asked any questions like this. 

Do you think that the way the NHL is treating this is rooted in homophobia?

Diaz: Yeah, I feel like that's a part of it. But it's more an issue of heteronormativity than anything else. The league seems completely shocked that it may even be possible for two players to be in any sort of relationship, but if this involved a player and a female staff member, I doubt this would have been blown as out of proportion as it was. 

Fox: I also definitely think that the way that the general public sided on this was approached about the same way. Apart from the outwardly homophobic articles and posts containing slurs and extremely obvious hate speech, I think that there is a pretty obvious amount of, let's say inconsistency, of who’s being painted as the victim in this scene. I am not aware at this moment of who took the photos, but I know that whoever they may be, they invaded my privacy, they invaded Alex’s, and they committed several crimes along the way. 

Are there any concerns about how this might affect your fanbase, particularly considering the diverse opinions about personal relationships in professional sports?

Fox: I mean, I have thoughts about how the fans might feel about this, but I don't think it would be all their concern s. And of course, I hope that people will continue watching all NHL games without caring about the sexualities or personal lives of the people playing. That’s not what the sport is about. That never has been what the sport is about. And honestly, I think that that's an extremely immature and frankly idiotic decision to make. 

Alright. Last question before we let you go. Is there anything you want to say to queer people who may be watching this?

Diaz: Oh wow. Um, I wasn’t expecting that question, but yeah absolutely. Just that … however old you are, and whatever stage in your career you are in., whether that be in sports or otherwise, your queerness doesn't make you less than. You can do anything that non-queer people can do. And it's nothing that you need to feel guilty about.

Fox: And if you’re in a situation where you feel like you’re not safe to be yourself, I’ve been there, other people have been there, other people currently are there, and you are not alone. 

“That was wonderful Alex,” Ellen said, her voice blaring from Alex’s phone. He was sitting cross-legged on the porch of Henry’s house, “Really, it sounded great.”

“Thank you so much,” he said, but his heart was still thumping in his chest. Obviously, she wasn't about to fire or yell at him, but there was still a sense of anxiety whenever anyone began to talk to Alex about the topic, he expected there would be for a while

“I’m just calling to make sure that you're still planning on coming to practice tomorrow”

Alex swallowed nervously, “Um- yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

“Great,” She said, a bit too enthusiastically, “Excellent. Before you come in, I just want to give you a quick rundown of what to expect.”

He felt his stomach drop down to his feet; Zahra's video had calmed his nerves a bit, but that had only been the perspective of one person on the team, he still hadn't gotten the courage to go through his messages.

 “Oh?” He said, trying to sound nonchalant

“Everyone's on your side, Alex.” She said immediately, “The entire team watched the interview, everyone was blown away. But a couple of the guys … well … you know how they are.”

A helpless chuckle escaped Alex's lips, he couldn't tell if it was because he was relieved at Ellen's response, or because he knew exactly how the guys were. 

“They mean well,” Ellen said, “But they can be a little … well–”

“Bro-ey?” Alex said

“I was going to say ignorant.” Ellen snorted, “But bro-ey works too.”

“Alright,” Alex said, feeling the weight lift a bit more from his chest. 

“Alright Diaz, see you bright and early tomorrow.”

“One more thing?” Alex asked

“What’s up?”

“Liam didn’t get … fined or anything. From walking out of that interview right?”

“God no,” Ellen said, sounding horrified, “Thankfully they didn't try. But I would have marched down to headquarters myself if they had even tried to play anything like that”

Alex nodded, smiling softly to himself, “Alright, thanks a lot Ellen– er– I mean– coach Claremont.”

“Anytime.”

He hung up and lay his head down on the porch, staring up at the sky. It was begging to dim, and he could just hear the begins of crickets starting to chirp along the grass

“Hello,” Said a soft, heavily British, voice behind him

“Hey,” Alex said drowsily, reaching a droopy hand behind his head to reach for Henry's. He took it and sat down next to Alex, using his other hand to start gently combing his fingers through his hair. “Who was on the phone?”

“Ellen,” He said, “Wanted to make sure I was going to practice tomorrow.”

“And you are?’
“Yeah,” Alex said, “yeah, I am.

“Are you ready for that?” He asked, tracing his index finger in the hair above his ear, Alex exhaled

“No.” He said truthfully, “No, not at all. But if I keep waiting till I’m ready, I’ll be waiting for the rest of my life. And I’m not waiting for the rest of my life”

“You blow me away every day with how brave you are,” Henry said delicately

“What about you? Are you going back?”

“Yes,” Henry said, “Yes I suppose I am. It just seems kind of extraordinary that a week ago I was stressing out about getting to the finals, then all this absolute shit happened, and now I’m just expected to … go back. Like nothing happened, it seems kind of messed up.”

“It seems very messed up,” Alex agreed, propping himself up on his shoulders to look at Henry, his hands still tangled in his hard  “But that's the game, I guess. We’ll pull through”

Henry offered a right, watery smile and pulled him in for another kiss. Alex felt the emotion in his chest flair up as he grabbed Henry by the roots of his hair. 

Here, sitting in the early summer coolness on Henry's back porch, kissing him softly as the world melted away around them, Alex realized something. He enjoyed finding the causes, from the time he was a senior in high school, the only player on his college team who maintained a 4.0 GPA while playing full-time. He had always had a fondness for stats and equations. Nothing in the world was random, everything had a reason, and that reason could almost always be summed up with numbers. If they lost a game, there was a reason, and that reason was almost always written down somewhere and it could always be corrected. If he found himself losing face, he could figure out why, if he watched enough replays from enough angles,  he could find the problem and nip it in the bud. But there was something about the dynamic between him and Henry, his boyfriend , that didn't make any sense. And he was starting to be okay with that.

Alex took Percy’s car to the practice rink the next morning. It wasn't unfamiliar to him, he had been there a dozen times in the past two years to train, but everything had started feeling different lately, and he wished he was on home ice. When he pulled Pez’s car into a parking lot and stepped out, he felt his heart beating in his throat and his stomach drop to his feet. Behind those doors would be an entire room of people, face to face with him, who would know what he had been guarding as his closest secret for the past six months. They would look at him, never see him in the same way again, and even if that wasn’t inherently negative, it was still scary as hell.

He was just about to pull open the cold metal door of the arena when he heard the noise of quickly exhilarating footsteps behind him, he whipped his head around to see Liam running in his direction, his bag flapping wildly over his shoulder.

“Hey!” He said, Alex cringed at his attempts to be casual. Although he didn't know if they weren't genuine

“Hey,” Alex responded, “How have you been?”

“Alright. I’ve been alright.” He said, giving an awkward smile. Alex could see the wheels turning behind Liam's eyes, trying to figure out if he should bring up the elephant in the room, or awkwardly dance around it. Alex set his shoulders back and decided to rip off the bandaid right away

“I saw your interview,” He said calmly, trying to ignore the nervous feeling rising in his throat “Thanks so much for that, it meant a lot”

The tension in Liam's eyes lessened a bit, and an overwhelming look of support took over his eyes “Yeah– yeah. No problem at all. I didn't do anything– I mean, you did way more than me.”

“I didn't do anything either,” Alex said, “It wasn't really up to me what happened, it kind of something that panned to me and not something I did”

“No– yeah– of course’ Liam said awkwardly, “I didn't mean that I mostly meant the interview. But I guess you didn't have a choice in the matter.”

“It’s alright,” Alex said earnestly, a feeling of guilt creeping up his that had been all too familiar in the past few days “I get what you’re trying to say”

Liam smiled fondly, and Alex saw his eyes snap up almost immediately to their usual, bubbly state “The whole team is thrilled to have you back, Alex. We were feeling your absence at practice the last few days.”

“I’m glad to be back too, " Alex said and was surprised to find that he completely believed it himself, “The last week’s been … stressful. I’m happy that I finally get to get back to work.”

“Are you staying at the hotel?” Liam asked

“Na, I’m going to stay at Fox’s place for the next few days.”

Liam nodded, “How’s he doing? I always really liked that guy,”

“Glad we have your approval,” Alex said sarcastically, but a look of horrified regret immediately morphed on Liam's face “Joking! I’m joking. He's a little bit shaken up, but all around I think he’s alright, or he will be”

Liam nodded and reached out to put his hand on Alex’s shoulder. When he spoke, his voice was much softer than Alex was used to, “We all have your back, you know that right?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah. I’ve heard that a lot these past few days, but I honestly think I’m starting to believe it”

Liam patted his arm briskly and pulled open the door to the rink, “After you then”

When Alex walked into the arena, a long expanse of a hallway stretched out in front of him. To his left, was the door that he knew led to the practice rink, the right was the equipment closet, and about a hundred feet in front of him was the door labeled locker room. He walked down the hallway slowly. All of a sudden feeling the weight of his bag over his shoulder. Liam matched his pace, walking a few steps in front of him, like his own personal bodyguard. A year ago, Alex would have objected and told him to mind his business, but now he appreciated the help.

He resisted the urge to stop in front of the locker room door. He suspected that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to open it for at least another five minutes, and standing there blankly wouldn’t have done a great amount of good for his self-image. Instead, he tried to disconnect his body from his mind and pushed open the door with a resigned shove.

Inside the room, he was immediately greeted by his entire team stopping at once to look up at him. A deeply unnatural hush fell over the locker room as twenty-five pairs of eyes all felt like they were piercing into his skin. The first one to move was Ellen, who was sitting on the very edge of the bench, her only motion was the slow rise of the right hand, motioning for the cameraman interviewing Carver to lower his camera. Then she turned to him, and he knew that she was waiting for him to make the first move. If he wanted to, he could hang his head low, sit down, and start untying his shoes. Nobody else would try to talk to him until he was ready. But he quickly pushed that idea out of his mind. Instead, Alex rolled his shoulders back, picked up his chin, and cleared his throat

“Hey y’all,” He said cheerily, surprised at how naturally it came out “Great to be back”

“Alex!” Martinez said, the second one to break the apprehensive silence, “Welcome back man” 

He strode across the room to pull Alex into a hug, and soon the rest of the team followed. All coming over to pull him in and welcome him back. Alex was overcome with a warm feeling that he could only describe as feeling at home. Finally,

“Welcome back Alex!” Ellen said when Alex reached her at the end of the line, “We’ve missed you.”

Alex’s smile relaxed into something more comfortable as he strode over to a corner to suit up. There were passing glances from his teammates, sure, but they seemed more like comfortable looks of support than the judgment he had been fearing for what felt like years.

Practice went incredibly well, even by normal standards. He hadn't felt this energized to play a scrimmage since the beginning of his first season, every pass felt crisp and filled with energy. The only time he was at all broken out of this blissful, adrenaline-fueled state, was when he would look over at the PR staff, who spent the entire practice hunched over in a corner, looking back between him and a pile of papers. 

Alex walked into the dressing room a couple of hours later, fighting to keep his arms from shaking as he felt twenty-two sets of eyes on him.  He sat down under his nameplate and began to pull his jersey on over his upper-body pads, but stopped when he heard the sound of footsteps walking down the hallway, 

“Alright boys!” Ellen said, striding into the dressing room, “This is where it all starts again. A lot has changed in the past year,”  Alex felt everyone in the room shoot a glance at him, before quickly looking back up to Ellen. He felt his leg begin to bounce involuntarily, “but at its core, we’ve done this before. We’ve been improving. We had a better season this year than last year, we have better chemistry and a stronger D-core, and we can win this series. But we just need to focus on staying consistent.”

There was scattered applause from around the locker room as Ellen walked out to let them continue changing. There was an uneasy sense of silence washing among them that Alex had never heard before a gan. Usually, in even the most high-stakes moments of their worst stretches, there was some sort of banter going around the room. Someone teasing or pumping someone else up, but in this case, noting. Only heavy breathing and dulled shuffling as the team slowly began to pull on their ear and mentally prepare themselves for the game.

Alex unzipped his skate bag and was about to pull on his right skate when he noticed that the tip of the place was tied around a thin strip of paper. Grabbing it, Alex immediately recognized it as a scrap from Henry’s notebook. Alex felt his breath catch in his chest as he unraveled the tiny scroll. Inside, were a few short words, written in familiar loopy handwriting, and Alex momentarily forgot how to do anything but stare at the paper

“Love is the wild card of existence”

XO

His first thought was that this must be some sort of cheap shot to get him distracted, a remnant of his competitive athlete's brain, but he quickly reminded himself who he was dealing with. This was Henry, and the moment that thought hit him, he felt a lump rise in his throat that he desperately swallowed, back. 

He pulled out his phone and took a shaky photo of the paper scrap, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. One bright side to everyone on the team being too nervous to talk, was that everyone was too distracted to care about whatever texts the others were sending.

Alex: [attached image]

Alex: i want to kiss you so bad right now 

British David Eyres: Welcome to my world

Alex: it's a beautiful quote

Alex: who said it

British David Eyres: Rita Mae Brown. She’s a writer I adore, and that's a quote from Murder Unleashed. It spoke to me, and I guess I just wanted to share it with you. 

British David Eyres: There’s something else as well

Alex felt all of his breath exit his body for the second time in two minutes, as he reached into his bag and pulled out a thin spool of rainbow stick tape. He cradled it to his chest absently, running his finger over the smooth outline. He imagined Henry sitting similarly to the way Alex was now, pads half on, surrounded by people whose minds were probably all racing to get a million things done, silently spooling his own brightly colored tape around his stick. Knowing Henry, his brain had probably been doing the same thing just a few minutes before. Alex remembered what he had told him when he had handed him the entry from the day they had kissed, about how writing things down helped him make sense of them, to clear out all the outside noise. He guessed that reading could do the same and sharing what he read– well– that was probably as good as it got for him. 

“Alright boys, fifteen minutes until warmups,” Ellen said, poking her head into the doorframe, and the fuzziness in Alex’s mind dissipated; He could swoon over his boyfriend later, but now there was business to attend to

Alex: I love you

Alex: I’ll talk to you after the game

He then pulled on his jersey and the remainder of his pads, finished lacing up the skate that had carried the note, and gently put the folded piece of paper into the outside pocket of his state bag, then he looked around to survey the room. Everyone looked a bit uneasy, but the color of Liam's face had paled at least three shades, and he looked ready to vomit at any minute, Alex gently nudged him with his skate. 

“Are you alright?” He whispered, trying his best not to break the apprehensive silence

“All good,” He said softly, trying and failing to force a convincing smile “Just kind of nervous.”

“I feel you there.” He said, “But we’ve got this.”

Liam nodded stiffly, “Are you worried about going out in front of the crowd again?” He asked shakily

Alex shrugged a bit and realized that he was, but not for the reason he thought he would be when he pulled up to the arena, “Yeah, yeah I guess so. But at this point, I don’t care about what people think of me”

“That’s very Disney movie of you,” Liam said, a hint of color returning to his cheeks, Alex laughed

“Yeah I guess so, but it is true. I want to play a good game and this whole … ordeal gave me another boost of confidence to do that.”

Alex hadn't noticed when he started talking, but the entire locker room was looking at him now, he cleared his throat nervously

“Yeah!” Kensilon cheered from the corner, everyone turned to look at him, and a faint pinkness rose to his cheeks as he looked down, embarrassed

“Spencer is right,” Carver said, “That was … actually kind of inspiring”

Alex shrugged and went back to lacing his skates, but inside he felt his heart doing backflips. He shut his eyes, took a deep breath in, and shifted to game mode. 

Alex’s hands were shaking as he skated onto the ice for warmups. He wasn't supposed to be nervous, by the time he turned fourteen he thought he had taught himself how to relax when he started to skate. To let his muscle memory kick in and let him glide across the ice, but somehow his mind was racing and his heart was in his throat. After a lap, he skated back over to the rim of the rink and leaned on the wall, taking deep breaths and counting up and down from five. He saw the camera positioned on the top of the goal turn to face him and he quickly straightened up his shoulders and continued his skate. 

He could see Henry on the other side of the rink, the rainbow tape also standing out against the perfectly clean and blinding white of his stick. He was making saves with the kind of flawless grace that was expected of him, and Alex quickly turned his head away before he was caught staring. 

He shot a few pucks at the goal Liam was guarding, striking one in behind his left knee. He looked up at him with the same eyes he had given him when they walked into the locker room for the first time this round, with fear and uncertainty, but also a kind of blazing pride that Alex felt in his chest. He allowed himself one glance at Henry from across the ice but wasn't at all surprised to see him laser-focused on the pucks skating toward him.

A few minutes later, his teammates started to drift off one by one, soon enough the only people left on the ice were him, Liam, a left winger from Ottawa that Alex was far too nervous to place right now, and Henry. Liam drifted towards the door motioning for him to exit, when the Ottawa left-winger lost control of the puck he was dribbling and flung it over to Alex’s stick. Alex took it, surveyed it for a second, and then flung it across the blue line. It flew a few feet into the air, and Alex watched as Henry caught it flawlessly in his glove. Liam and the left winger had both skated off the ice, it was only them, once again. But now he had business to attend to, Alex turned on his heel, lifted his stick into the air, and glided off the rink. 

When he stepped off, he tried to block out the uproar of noise coming from the crowd. He thought they were probably cheers, but he couldn’t be sure.  What he did know was that his legs were still shaking uncontrollably. He couldn't help but think back to this exact moment a year ago. Walking off after warmups with Liam, nervously chatting about their game plan. It was a thought almost constantly circulating in Alex’s mind nowadays, just how much had changed since he had been in this same position a year ago. In that time, he had gone from barely knowing who Henry was to hating him, liking him, and then loving him, all in just a few months. He had gotten his heart broken twice, and both times put back together again. But it all came full circle. He was still walking down the hallway, side by side with his teammate, with a fierce sense of determination running through his veins,

There were a few more minutes in the locker room these were just as silent and bone-chilling as the ones before. Even Ellen had given up on trying to pep talk them, and they all sat in contemplative silence. Liam had his eyes closed and was shooting out his arms at odd intervals, blocking faux pucks from the air. 

“Alright boys,” Ellen said, almost in a whisper from the doorway, they all stood up their sticks and marched in unison out of the room, but Alex felt a slight tug on his arm before he could leave. He turned to see Ellen looking at him, her eyes appeared to be piercing into his soul.

“Hey,” She said, “If anyone gives you any trouble of any sort out there. Come to me and I’ll have their ass booted to the kingdom come.”

Alex smiled, nodded, and pulled up his head. Trying to force all the confidence he could onto his face as he skated onto the ice, did a quick circle, and skated to the blue line as his name was called. He hobbled gently back and forth during the national anthem, the tape on his stick seemed to be sending an electric current up and into his hand.

Alex skated off the ice three hours late, absolutely beaming. The scoreboard blared 4-1 Dallas, and Alex’s hands were heavy with the weight of his three scoring pucks that had been thrown over the fence to him by the equipment manager. 

He pulled out his phone when he returned to the locker room, immediately greeted by upward of a dozen Twitter notifications, all congratulating him on his hat trick. And Alex felt the pride in his stomach glow. 

“Alright, who has the belt?” Ellen asked when she returned to the locker room, Liam held it up above his head

“I mean, it’s kind of obvious who this goes to tonight.” He said, “Carves, nice job tonight, Eddy, that was a neat little goal there, but X-man’s got the hatty and obviously has been a hero lately, so this has got to go to him.”

The room erupted into cheers, far more extreme than the usual applause given to whoever received the belt, Alex stood up and patted Liam on the shoulder, taking the belt from him and holding it up

“Well men, we’re 25% of the way there. Let's do it again. I appreciate all of your support!”

The next two weeks passed in almost the same fashion. They lost games, and they won games, but through all of them, Alex couldn’t stop the constant adrenaline pumping through his veins. He practiced harder than he ever had in his life, partly propelled by the fact that no matter if he was in Dallas or Ottawa, he would come home to Henry. Always smiling with a pure beam of energy that persisted regardless of how the game had gone. 

Those days left Alex feeling a way he had never felt before, “Young and in love’ was a phrase he had heard so many times before, but it was. Only now he was realizing exactly what it meant. He was in love, not only with Henry (although that was one-hundred percent the case) but with almost everyone around him. It felt almost blissful, and Alex could see it reflected in his playing. His stats skyrocketed in the course of only a few games and the stress of the cup faded (almost) to the back of his mind.

Alex woke up in Henry’s house on the day of game seven, with three thoughts cropping up, one after the other, in his mind. 

1. Someone was sleeping next to him
2. It was Henry.
3. It was time

The first two thoughts weren't uncommon anymore, but that didn't stop them from spreading a ginormous, goofy smile across his face. The third, however, caused his heart to begin racing in his chest.

He dressed silently, the sun was barely up yet, and it was uncommon enough for Henry to get a full night's sleep, especially the night before such a major event. He silently slipped out the front door and started to jog gently down the street. While he ran, he recited in his head the statistics of every player on the Reds. The side each player shot on, their blind spots, small and tedious details he had picked out from hours of watching tapes. Every little piece of information gave him a slight edge, or at least that was what he was telling himself.

Turning the corner to close off his third lap of the block, he caught sight of Henry standing on the edge of the driveway. He was dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair was tousled on one side, and he looked gorgeous.

“Good morning,” Alex said, slightly out of breath but beaming nonetheless, he stepped forward, pushed himself up onto his toes, and kissed him right on his hairline

“You too,” He said, his cheeks stinging pink, “Why are you running? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Alex said, “Just, kind of nervous, I guess”

“Oh,” Henry said, smiling slyly, “So you agree that we’re going to kick your ass?”

“Hey!” Alex said, starting to laugh as well, “You’re my boyfriend! You're supposed to comfort me when I’m nervous!”

“Well you don’t look like you're about to be sick anymore, so I think I might have done my job.”

Alex shoved Henry’s shoulder “Oh shut up!”

“Do you boys mind? '' Alex heard a voice say behind him, he turned to see Bea standing there. A leather jacket was tied around her waist, and a monstrous-sized paper coffee cup was in her hand.

“Bea!” Henry said, wrapping an arm around her, “Hi! What are you doing here?”

“Watching the game you idiot!” She said, “June, Nora and I bought tickets weeks ago, we wanted to surprise you!’

“Are they here too?” Alex asked

“They landed this morning,” Bea said, “my guess is they’re still asleep”

He wished he could say that he remembered every moment of the game. That he, even for years after, could recount every shot and every moment in perfect, glorious detail,  but the truth was, he didn’t. When he was skating he felt himself go into a state of pure muscle memory. Playing out every move like he had done them a million times before, and when he was on the bench, he would forget. Forget everything that had happened in the past year and forget the magnitude of the situation. He might as well have been back in college. 

He almost didn't notice when the whistle went off to take the second period into overtime, almost being the keyword. Because the moment he saw the ref skate over to the bench and put her hands up, and the moment his eyes flitted up to the screen to see the glaring 4-4 score, the sereneness that had been enveloping him for the past three hours dissipated.

Alex felt his stomach drop to his feet, he wildly looked back over his shoulder to see the girls in the stands. Bea and June were doing the YMCA, and Alex didn't know if that made him want to laugh, cry, or vomit. Only Nora looked anywhere near as concerned as Alex felt, she was leaning forward in her seat, hands in her lap, chewing on her bottom lip. Somewhere in the back of Alex’s mind, he knew that no matter how the game panned out, a photo of the three of them would end up in some sort of magazine.

Four minutes into overtime, Alex had been on for three of them. The ref blew the whistle, and Alex skated over for a puck drop. He battled for the puck and won, pulling it over to his side of the rink, he skated for a few yards and passed it behind his shoulder to Carver, who spun on his heel and rocketed down the ice, it passed behind Liam and Alex grabbed it again from the other side of the net. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Ellen motioning for him to pass and skate over to the bench. With a few minutes left, he saw out of the corner of his eye as Blom skated out into the ice, his long black hair flying out behind him. The world seemed to slow down as picked up and poised toward the net. Alex was right behind him, he was jumping, and he landed on his side, his cheek in a small pile of snow. The entire stadium seemed to be holding its breath as Blom geared up, pulled his stick towards =him, and released the puck. But half a second before it went over his left shoulder Liam stuck out his hand and caught it flawlessly out of the air. 

The whistle blew as Liam closed his hand around it, and Alex jumped up into the air, feeling the relief seep through him, He still had a shot.

Growing up, he had spent almost his entire childhood watching hockey. Of course, Dallas was his favorite, but he watched any game he could get his hands on. When there were no NHL games on, he would watch any other network they could, and if that was;t available he would hang up in his bedroom and rewatch old tapes. He had his favorite moment, but nothing could ever beat the feeling of an overtime playoff game. Only once in all his years of watching the NHL had he seen game seven of round four go to overtime. 

He was in middle school, the game was between Toronto and Vegas, and every time the puck would even edge off the blue line, his heart would race faster and his throat would feel like it was closing. But that wouldn't even compare to the feeling of playing the game.

They were five minutes away from going to a fourth intermission when Alex jumped on for his shift. The moment he jumped off the bench, the puck was passed to him from behind. He began barrelling down the ice, shoulders down, strides long. He had never felt this fast, and he had never felt this strong. He paused for half a second, just long enough to catch sight of his stick next to the puck on the ice. There was something painfully beautiful about that sight that Alex was left thinking about long after it had left his eyes. The brightly colored tape makes a bold statement against the puck and the stick.

He saw a Red’s play coming up to his left to check him, he launched the puck out in front of him, at just enough of an angle to avoid an icing call, and the defenseman coming towards him pulled out just in time to avoid a penalty. He grabbed the puck back and barreled towards Henry. 

He saw his sharp blue eyes calculating wildly as he followed it carefully. Alex geared up pulled the stick to his shoulder, and hit it towards the net.

It soared through the air, and the entire stadium held its breath as it bounced off the top bar and bounced into the goal. A scream erupted through the stadium. He was all of a sudden crashed around by his teammates in all directions, there was yelling all around him as a sense of elation filled his stomach. He did it! They did it!

“Holy fuck!” Liam said, pushing past the crowd to get next to Henry and hug him tightly around the waist “Holy fuck ! We won!”

“Yeah, we did!” Ellen yelled next to him. Alex felt like his ear drums were about to explode, there was noise coming from every corner of the stadium. There were cameras pointed at him from every angle, he was sweaty and sore and his throat was starting to burn for celebration, but he didn't care.

From the side of the rink, a giant silver trophy was carried out and handed to him. He raised the cup above his head and screamed, letting the cameras capture his mad glee.

There were a few more minutes of giddy skating and cheering before they were all herded into line, led by Ellen, to shake hands with the Reds. Alex had been shoved into the back directly in front of Liam and Spencer. He shook hands down the line, some men he knew, some he didn't some he had only heard of. Eventually, he got to the end and saw Henry standing there, hair tousled and wet, jaw clenched. He looked upset, but only slightly. 

“Hello love,” He said silently, knowing full well there were dozens of cameras pointed at them, and probably a few microphones too. There were dozens of things Alex wanted to do to Henry at that moment. Henry smiled awkwardly and struck his arms out, drawing Henry in for a tight hug, he melted into his touch, momentarily forgetting where he was, and everything that had happened. 

After what could have been hours, but he hoped was only a few seconds, he pulled away from the hug. He was about to skate away from the line and go on to celebrate with his team but changed his mind halfway through. Instead, he kissed Henry strongly and firmly. Barely caring about the cameras pointed at them, or the packed stands. Barely caring about who lost or who won. He finished off the win with a list.

1. My name is Alex Diaz
2. I am a Stanley Cup champion
3. I am the luckiest man on earth. 

Chapter Text

 2 months after the leak

They did make it back to Texas that summer. June and Nora had left for the summer to assist Beam with a project, and Henry lay lazily on the couch In Alex's living room, listening to David's steady breathing on his chest.

“Me from last summer never would have believed this,” Alex said, reaching over to scratch David under the ears

“A lot has changed,” Henry grumbled. He faltered for a second, breathing through his thoughts, then spoke again, “Hey. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come to my flat in London for a few weeks”

Energy flashed through Alex’s eyes in an expression Henry couldn’t quite place as excitement or horror. A familiar sensation of self-doubt clenched in his stomach.

“Henry” Alex said reassuringly, rubbing a hand supportingly over Henry's “ Yes . I would love that.”

He smiled softly and leaned down to kiss Alex, allowing himself to bask in the warm feeling of the summer sun shining on his face through the window.

2 years and 10 months after the leak

“I’m fine!” Alex grumbled, Henry watched him slowly pull himself up from his bed, rearranging himself into a sitting position. Even over a video call, he could see the colour in his face turn grey from the slight motion

“No, you’re not.” Henry said, “Just stay home. Take one game off, and I'm sure you’ll be set to lose to me on Wednesday.”

“I haven't missed a game all season, I'm not going to start now!” Alex whined,

“Alex, please,” He said, a touch of desperation crawling into his voice, “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

With these words, he saw Alex’s expression change over the phone. The stubbornness was still there, but it was mixed in with just enough softness that Henry knew he had won.

“Anyway, this means you can watch my game tonight.” 

“I guess so,” Alex said, smiling a bit “But only if you promise not to get hurt either.”

“I swear.” Said Henry, “But I do have to get ready for the game now.”

“Stay on the phone, please,” Alex said, and Henry was forced to oblige. There was something about how the steeliness in Alex’s voice remained unchanged, even through bouts of flu, that made it impossible to say no. Henry reached forward to turn his camera off, but Alex let out a grunt of protest again.

“Keep it on! I’ve seen you naked before”

“I just don't want you getting too excited love, You’re supposed to be resting”

“Hardy har har,” Alex said, flipping him off

“I love how expressive you Americans are, even in your weakest moments”

“Are you calling me weak?” 

In response, Henry rolled his eyes and began pulling off his sleep shirt to change into his game outfit, Henry heard Alex make a weak noise of desperation from the other side of the phone

“Oh come on,” Henry said, “I’ll see you soon. And, provided you’re not coughing all over me, you can have as much of this as you want”

“When did you turn into such a flirt,” he groaned, “When we first met, you were a fucking asshole”

“What can I say? You’ve changed me.” He said, but he could feel himself blushing. Alex sighed from the other end of the line, half annoyed, half pleased.

3 years and 7 months after the leak

“What time will he be here?” Henry asked, sitting down in one of the arena's living rooms. 

“Like … ten minutes?” Pez said, “I feel like I’m in grade school again. Waiting for my dad to pick me up.”

Henry exhaled through his nose, feeling a pang of jealousy for Pez, and most of his other teammates

Pez seemed to notice this because he spoke up again “Will you be alright this week? I know it’s probably quite difficult for you”

“I’ll be alright.” Henry sighed “I mean … of course it's hard. But you’re dad is lovely so I’ll probably hang around with you two for most of the trip”

“And you get to see Alex later this week!” He said, nudging Henry with his foot under the table, “That's good right? It’s been months”

“We call all the time” Henry said but even with the denial, he couldn't fight the smile creeping up his cheeks

“And Oscar will be at that game too, maybe he’ll sit in the dad’s box?”

“He’s not my father,” Henry said

“Not yet he’s not,” Pex murmured, but Henry's ears perked up

“What? Did Alex mention something?” He said urgently

“No, no. But I mean, you guys have been together for more than four years, you spend your summers together, you talk and text constantly, you had a sex scandal .”

“It wasn't a sex scandal. More of a … relationship scandal”

“In any case. You guys have been through a lot together. So I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of proposal coming”

Henry rolled his eyes, “Alright. I’m going to the vending machines, do you need anything–”

“Henry!” 

He turned as he heard his name shouted behind him, and his jaw dropped when he saw who it was 

“ Oscar .” He said breathlessly, “Oh my god. You didn't have to–”

“I know.” He said, striding across the room and pulling him in with one arm, “But I wanted to.”

Henry was still speechless, his mouth seemed to forget how to work before he saw Pez, staring at him giddily from the corner

“Did you know about this?” Henry asked 

“Maybe.” Pez said Henry shot him a look, “Well … yes. He called me.”

Henry just about convinced himself not to break down in tears in front of his entire team, but it was close.

Henry: You beautiful bastard.

Henry: I hope he knows that he does NOT have to do this.

Alex ❤️❤️: he knows

Alex ❤️❤️: he wanted to

Alex ❤️❤️: he cares about you a ton

Henry: Alright then. I’ll tell him to say hello.

He walked into the media room the next morning to see a comfortable leather couch in the middle of the room

“Hiya Fox,” The PR assistant said, “We’re just gonna be filming some clips for YouTube today, nothing too scary, just some questions about the Dads trip.”

Henry nodded and sat down. Resting his hands on his knees in what he hoped was a natural-looking position

“Alright.” The interviewer said, clicking on the camera, “Oscar Diaz is here with you today on the trip, can you talk a bit about what this means to you.”

“Um, yes.” Henry said, clearing his throat, “I mean … My dad died when I was in high school. He was a big part of my getting into hockey, and I appreciate all that he’s done for me. After–” Henry paused to keep his voice from cracking “After he died, I didn’t have a mentor in the same way some of the other guys did. So I was expecting to not see my jersey in the box. And that was fine. I had– I had kind of come to terms with that.

“Oscar being here was a complete shock to me. It’s something that– um” His voice cracked again, and he was seriously fighting back tears at this point, “It’s something that Percy and Alex put together. But I couldn't be more grateful, he’s– he’s–” Henry paused one more time in a last-ditch effort to stop the tears from flowing, but he knew that he couldn't, he allowed a few to drip down his cheeks, “He’s incredibly important to me, he is like–  he is like a father to me. And it's a huge honour to have him here.”

Henry shut his eyes tightly and swallowed,  the cameraman took the hint and shut it off

“Alright Henry, thank you so much”

“No problem at all,” He said, wiping his cheek with his sleeve and smiling shyly. 

6 years and 6 months after the leak

Henry sat comfortably in Alex’s house, watching the television blaring in front of him, Alex sauntered into the frame and sat in front of the press table, looking as comfortable as ever in front of the cameras

“A pleasure to be here with you today Alex,” one of the reporters said, “Now, how do you feel about being promoted to captaincy?”

“It's a huge honour,” He said, eyes bright, “Of course, I’ll miss Daniel a ton, I wish him a ton of success in New York, but I feel amazingly confident in mine. Ability to carry the team to another victory.”

“And let's take a look at this quote from Coach Ellen Claremont,” The journalist said, “ Earlier this morning when her decisions were revealed to the public, she said; ‘Alex is one of the greatest players I have ever met, both on and off the ice. He has a lot of experience in dealing with personal matters with his teammates, and that is why we have decided to appoint him as our new captain’, How do you feel about those statements that were made?”

Alex kept his composure, as he almost always did on camera, but Henry could see just the edges of a grin forming on Alex’s cheeks. “Um– yeah. I mean– she’s a great coach and helped me through. List of hard times in my career. So any words of encouragement from her feel great. But I’m not gonna deny that I’ve gone through a few things when it comes to the press. And part of captaincy is being able to carry a team through that, so … yeah. I feel like I have a lot to bring to the table”

“Well, thanks a lot Alex,” the reporter said, 

“Thank you” Alex responded. But as he was doing so, he sneakily brought his left hand up from under the table to reason on his arm, his knuckles facing the camera. The move was conspicuous enough that nobody noticed it while he was hastily packing up his things and exiting the room, but he knew that the moment that interview hit the internet there would be thousands of people speculating on it. And for once, he didn't care,

7 years and 5 months after the leak

“And we’re coming in from London England for an exclusive interview with Henry Fox, live from the global series.” A tall, dark-haired reporter said into the camera, as Henry leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest.  

He had enjoyed being home tremendously. He had spent the last few days in between games taking Alex to every place he could think of where he grew up. The first rink he had skated at, his old school, they had even made a point to visit the cemetery where his father was buried, In the quiet of night. Now, he was getting ready to play his final game of the global series, and of course, it was against Alex. 

“Now Henry, how does it feel to be back home? All eyes are on you and Okonjo.” 

“It’s been great,” Henry said, “I’ve enjoyed taking Alex and the team out to all the places I grew up. All the best spots for food and whatnot. And getting to see my sister and Percy get to see his family as well, it's been a pretty magical experience.”

“And does Alex enjoy being here?” he asked

“I really think he does. We’re all pretty close, him and Percy and I, I mean. His sister and sister-in-law are here too, so it’s been an altogether great experience”

The interviewer smiled giddily, and nodded for the interview to come to an end. 

10 years and 1 month after the leak

It was a silent night in Auston as Henry lay comfortably in Alex’s arms. Taking in some of what they both knew to be the last few minutes of complete silence for months. 

“Are you ready for this?” Alex whispered into his ear

“No.” Henry said truthfully, “But we’ve done many things together that we haven’t been ready for, and those turned out alright.”

“Yeah, yeah I guess they did,” Alex said, and Henry could feel him relax a little bit behind him. “It could happen at any moment, it could happen tonight.”

“He’s not due for another two days,” Henry said, but he couldn't hide the excited anxiety creeping through his voice either

“I just want to spend as much time with him as possible before I have to go back to work.”

“You have two months until the season starts again love. And you’ll be home half the time anyway. And I'll be here. It’s not like you're going to be leaving us forever.”

“I’d never do that,” Alex said sincerely, his voice heavily echoing his child-of-divorce trauma

“I know you wouldn’t love,” Henry said, nuzzling his head into his neck, “I know you wouldn’t. But hey, we’ll be raising him around the sport. Do you think we should put him in hockey?”

Alex bit his lip, then turned his head towards him, “If he asks. I guess so. The important thing is we support him, forever, no matter what”

“Of course,” Henry said, and closed his eyes, and felt himself drifting off

13 years and 5 months after the leak

“And here’s Alex Diaz, making his assistant coaching debut after playing in the league for fifteen years,” A report said as the camera flashed over to the Dallas bench, Henry watched Alex turn his chin upwards to flash a showy smile at the cameras, “Just 36 years old, and only spending one year as an assistant coach. And he’s made it to this point after having a hell of a playing career”

“Absolutely,” The second reporter said, “Not at all an unexpected outcome though. As early as his second year in the league, his teammates were already making comments about his aptitude for coaching and the more technical side of things”

They transitioned to a video that seemed to be from several years ago. Henry immediately recognized many of Alex’s prior teammates sitting in an interview room. Fresh-faced before years of trades, injuries and greying temples.

“Who do you think is the most likely to become a coach or GM after they retire?” An interviewer said from off-screen. 

“Oh, Alex for sure,” Liam said the rest of the team cheered in agreement

“Oh, one hundred per cent,” Carver said, “He probably has better stats knowledge than half of the staff 

The screen changed again. This time a much more dramatic closeup of Alex, his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he watched the team skating around the ice

“Do you know how that is?’ Henry said softly

“Daddy,” Arthur giggled from his knee, kicking his feet excitedly

“That's right!” He said, gently running his hand down Arthurs's back

“Will he be back soon?” Arthur asked, the edges of a British accent peaking through his voice

“Yes he will be in love,” Henry said, "He'll be back in two more nights. And then we get to go see his team play!”

More giggles ensued from the child on his knee, he laughed until he couldn't laugh anymore, and then he crawled backwards, up Henry’s leg, and settled in the middle of his chest

“Dad?” Arthur asked a second later, already sounding drowsy

“What is it, my love?”

“Did you play hockey?”

“Yes! Yes I did, that’s actually how your Daddy and I met”

Arthur sat in that for a moment, then continued, “Then … Can I play hockey?”

Henry smiled, “I think we may be able to make that happen”

28 years and 2 months after the leak

“How are you feeling?” Henry asked Arthur as he nervously packed up his bags. They were both sitting on the floor of Arthur's room, Henry with his back propped up against the bookcase, Arthur hunched over a sleek black skate case

“Terrified,” Arthur said honestly, “I don't know how you and Dad did this every day,”

“It gets easier,” He said, “Honestly, it does. After your first … three years or so”

Arthur chewed his lip nervously and hauled his bag onto his shoulder

“Hey, deep breaths,” Alex said, appearing in the doorway. He was wearing a deep, cream-coloured suit that perfectly matched the lettering on the Hawks jerseys, “You’ll do great. But we really should get going,”

“It’s so weird that you're his coach,” Henry said, “I mean, can you even still skate?”

“I can out skate you, old man,” Alex said playfully, and Henry felt the colour in his cheeks burn.

“Ew.” Arthur said, “The moment is officially ruined. I’m going to wait in the car” He stormed out of the room, blond hair shining down the back of his neck

“Gods I’m proud of him” Henry said quietly, reaching his shoulder around Alex’s neck

“We both are,” Alex said, “I don't know how you convinced him to become a goalie though,”

“Oh shut it,” Henry said, shoving his husband on the shoulder, Alex laughed.

A few hours later, Henry had both been seated in the front box next to the ice, watching warm-ups. After a few minutes, he slowly drifted over behind the bench where Alex was sitting, the crowd parted to let him through

“He is incredible,” Henry said through the class Alex turned to face him

“Yeah, yeah he really is. He might be better than you,” 

“Oh shut it!” Henry said laughing. As he snorted, Arthur caught his eye from the head of the ice and awkwardly skated over to them in his full pads

“You’re looking excellent out there,” Henry said to him, “And I’ll give it three more seconds before our photo shows up there’ He pointed to the jumbotron. And he proved to be right because he had barely blinked before his, Alex’s, and Arthur's faces appeared on the screen. They turned nicely to the cameras and waved, but some text appearing on the screen caught Henry's eyes

There was a gorgeous-looking photo of Arthur, from the right side it read ‘Arthur Fox, number 22, number one overall draft pick’,  underneath was a line of text

‘Said in response to the question of how he felt about being the first ever NHL player who had two parents playing in the league': ‘Well that’s what my family does, isn't it? We make history’’

“You said that?” Henry asked, turning to him

“That I did,” Arthur responded, grinning. Before Henry could respond, he skated onto the ice, hair swishing behind him.