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Shauna was so sure she was gonna sweat through her dress—her beautiful, white, detailed dress that her mom poured her soul into making for the last year and there Shauna was, sweating like a pig in it, probably soaking the back and armpit area of it. Pacing definitely wasn’t helping but it’s like her feet had a mind of their own, she was going to wear a hole in the carpet and then have to pay to fix it and— she forced her feet to stop and took a deep breath. She needed to calm down and quickly. There was only so much time she could buy herself to sift through this emotional turmoil she’s worked herself into.
Plopping herself on the floor, in front of the fan they threw in her suite when everyone could clearly see she was on the verge of having a heart attack, she blotted her hairline with a tissue, careful not to wipe too hard at the carefully placed foundation, contour and whatever else Jackie had patted and brushed on her face just a mere two hours ago. She pressed as lightly as she could should her best friend walk back in her suite and kick her ass for messing up her hard work of making Shauna look like ‘the perfect bride’.
Shauna had half a mind to just strip down and wait for her body to cool off on its own and just as she’s internally debating just how mad some people might be, the door swung open and in walked her mom and Jackie.
“Are you almost ready?” her mom asked, her voice pinched and Shauna knows if she looks up and—yup, she’s definitely on the verge of sobbing, again .
(Putting the dress on in its entirety with her hair and makeup done had almost sent Deb Shipman into a crying spell that no one could pull her out of.
God, Shauna loved her mom.)
She nodded a little stiffly “Yeah, yeah, it’s just—“ she huffed at the heat feeling like it was wrapping itself around her, personally like it had something against Shauna “It’s hot”
Jackie smiled tightly, a smile that told Shauna she was wearing on the blonde’s patience “Shaun- it’s literally 68 degrees in here, the hair stylist was complaining how cold we have it in here” the maid of honor walked over and carefully squatted down in front of her “What’s going on? Are you—scared? or—“
“No!” Shauna shook her head so hard, she’s pretty sure she felt a bobby pin come loose somewhere on her head “No! I’m not scared, I love her, I want to marry her, I want a life with her, I want everything with her”
Jackie placed a soft hand on her shoulder “Then what’s going on?”
“I don’t—I don’t know!” she can feel her frustration seep into her words “I always thought pre wedding jitters were bullshit, how could you be anything but excited to marry the love of your life, and she’s the love of my life, but here I am so nervous and—and hot !” an angry huff escapes her as she goes to blot at her hairline again but before she can even get halfway there, Jackie snaps the tissue out of her hands
“Don’t even try it, Shipman”
Shauna opens her mouth to say something about the bride doing whatever she wants but her mom cuts in before she can “Jackie, sweetheart, do you think I can have a minute alone with my girl?”
“Work your magic, Mama Deb, please” Jackie stands up and smooths out her dress, placing a hand on the older woman’s shoulder, lowering her voice just enough that Shauna couldn’t make out what she was saying “The other bride is reportedly freaking out at the holdup so, please ”
“I’ll do my best” she shoos Jackie to the door “Try to keep the other one calm while I get this one” Jackie salutes to Deb and turns on her heel, heading to the other side of the church as quickly as she can.
“Pooh”
Shauna groans from her place in front of the fan—you get a little obsessed with Winnie the Pooh as a toddler and you’re stuck with a lifelong nickname “Yes, Mom?”
Deb walks over to her daughter “Stand up, please, you know I have a bad back and if I go down there with you, the wedding will really never happen because you’ll never get me up”
The sentence accomplishes what she was trying to do when she hears her daughter snort and slowly stands up. Deb takes her daughter’s hand and leads her to the plush couch in the corner of the room where they both sink in.
She goes to talk some sense into Shauna but is stunned into silence as Shauna twists her body towards her, slots herself under her mom’s arms and places her head on her chest. It makes Deb’s heart ache—her daughter was always semi affectionate but stopped tucking herself into her mom’s side a long time ago. Way before Deb Shipman was ready for it to happen.
It makes Shauna look so small at this moment. Fear and anxiety clearly etched on her features and all she could do to comfort herself even a little was hug her mom. She looks like a child who’s playing dress up in her mother’s wedding dress.
“I’m scared, Mom” The admittance is spoken so softly, she almost misses it “I love her so much but—I’m so scared”
“Oh, Pooh” Deb squeezes her daughter, firm and unrelenting “Why, baby? Why are you so scared?”
There’s a pause and then “Dad”
All at once, Deb understands her sweet girl’s stress.
Deb and David Shipman were a great love story to Shauna once. She would love to curl up in bed, sandwiched between her parents, and hear about how they fell in love all the time. How they were paired up in high school chemistry once and one look was all it took for them to know they were ‘meant to be’, how they stayed together even through college and the separation and strain it brought them, how they persevered, got married and had their beautiful little girl (Shauna would giggle at that part every single time) and the story was, always, punctuated with an attack of kisses from both her parents.
It was her favorite bedtime story.
But then Shauna was sat down by her mom and dad, by her great love story, at the tender age of 12 and had to be told that her parents were divorcing and her dad was moving out.
It was a blow Shauna thought she would never recover from especially after her dad’s visits went from every other weekend to once a month to once every few months to not having seen her dad, in person, in years after he moved across the country for his job.
Deb wasn’t even sure if Shauna had let her father know she was getting married today.
“I always thought you and Dad would be married for forever and now look—“ she didn’t finish her sentence but the older woman heard the ending loud and clear—Deb was alone after pouring her heart and soul into a man who turned around and left them both.
“I love Lottie, Mom. I love Lottie more than I have ever loved anything—she’s around and it’s like, it’s like I feel whole and my soul is just quiet and—and, at peace” Deb waited, she knew there was a but coming “But you loved Dad like that too and then you got married and he—he still left. You loved him with everything, I saw it everyday and he still just—left” Shauna’s whole face pinched together with anger and frustration and fear “What if I leave Lottie? What if Lottie leaves me?”
Deb pulls away just enough so her daughter could look up at her “Shauna Marie Shipman—you are not your father, Lottie is not your father. You both are not us”
The bride huffs, angrily “I know! I know that!” she pulls away from her mom and stands up from the couch “I just—what if we are and we just don’t know it yet? What if one day, years down the road, we don’t want this anymore and I—and she leaves” Shauna’s eyes fill with tears “What if she leaves me like Dad did?”
There’s a pause, a moment where Deb was honestly scared that Shauna was about to run out the door and never look back but then she blinks and two fat tears roll down her face
“Mom, I love her so much, sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe because I’m just so—full when I think of her, I’m so whole. It’s like every part of me lives and breathes for Lottie. And I want to marry her and I want this life and I’m the one who proposed and I thought, no, there’s no way I’ll be nervous, I’ll be excited but sitting here, in a dress” she pulls at her skirt “in this church, I just kept thinking—you did this too. You sat down and let Bubbe do your hair and makeup, you walked down the aisle, you promised your undying loyalty and love to him, you said yes and meant it and you still ended up hurt” she wipes at her face, long past caring what Jackie did “You meant all of it and it didn’t save you from pain”
Deb could feel her heart break looking at her vulnerable daughter—she could see plain as day, Shauna was so terrified. She was scared of feeling a love like this and having it ripped away from her and forever feeling that ache it leaves behind.
“Baby—“ she stands up, with only some struggle, and walks over to her child “That’s just what love is” Shauna scoffs but Deb presses on “You promise loyalty and love, you promise your heart and soul knowing it might end up hurt, knowing it could end in disaster and pain because it’s just worth it. It’s worth it to try because not knowing what could’ve been is so much worse. Can you imagine walking out of this church, right here, right now and not ever knowing how Lottie and you could’ve been?” Shauna shakes her head “Every day, even the days I was so sad and couldn’t get out of bed because thinking of your father was so painful, I was forever grateful I married him, not only because I got my beautiful, amazing daughter” Shauna cracks the smallest of smiles “But also because I did it! I got to know how our story ended, even if it wasn’t the ending I wanted or envisioned. I put my heart on the line and tried and gave it my all and knew I gave my heart a chance . There wasn’t a regret in marrying your father” she grabs Shauna’s hands and squeezes,
“You can never know what’s gonna happen and I’m not gonna stand here and tell you, you and Lottie will never break-up or you’ll never struggle but baby, right here, right now, you love her. Every time you’ve spoken about her today, it is with nothing but love and that—“ Deb sighs “Pooh, that is why you’re walking down that aisle to her. Because I know you and I know your heart, you’re gonna give it a chance and you’re gonna put your heart on the line for her” Shauna throws herself at her mother and squeezes tightly “Your love for her is so much bigger than your fear, your fear is just a little louder right now”
She kisses the side of her baby’s face and pulls back—Shauna’s makeup is done for and Jackie will definitely have a heart attack when she sees it but there it is, that sweet smile of her daughter’s that she's been dying to see all day.
“Thank you, Mom”
“Anytime, Pooh” she cups her daughter’s face and smiles “Now let’s get you married”
(Jackie does, in fact, freak the fuck out at seeing Shauna’s face but with a little thumbs up from Deb, she bites her tongue and paints Shauna back together)
An hour later and just a little behind schedule Shauna does walk down the aisle to her beautiful bride to be, hanging on to her mom’s arm every step of the way.
And when Deb passes Shauna’s hand to Lottie, Deb cups Lottie’s face and whispers “Take care of our girl”
and with a watery smile and a quiet “I promise” in response, Deb knows Shauna and Lottie will be just fine.