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rui sat at his desk, which was littered with various mechanical parts, with his head in his hands.
these thoughts weren’t supposed to bother him, at least not for this long. anxiety is not something new to rui, especially like this. so why was it so hard now?
the full truth is, rui had always been terrified of being abandoned. though now this is a bit different. he had been accepted already, so why was he still afraid?
rui had never really been a people pleaser, but now more than ever, he found himself making sure everyone around him was perfectly satisfied and happy. now this was very clear to tsukasa a few times…
“rui, are you okay? you’ve been acting weird lately.”
“fufu, tsukasa-kun, i can assure you i’m completely fine.”
“alright, if you say so…”
“...just remember you can always tell me if something is wrong, okay?”
it hurt rui to lie to tsukasa like that, especially since he seems to care so much. but how would tsukasa feel, learning his best friend was lying? and how would he feel when he learned that his love wasn’t enough for rui, that he was greedy and needed more?
rui opened his eyes to see small puddles on his desk. he wiped the desk and his face of his tears, leaning back to stare at the ceiling, when he suddenly burst into sobs. he covered his mouth, trying to not make any sound.
he isn’t really sure how long he had been crying. it could have been a few minutes or a few hours. usually he wouldn’t ask for advice, but if it’s for tsukasa, or any of his friends at this point, he would. so rui stood up, wiped his tears, and got the courage to turn on his phone, where he would go to the wonderland sekai.
the sekai was darker at night, it was honestly more peaceful than you would think. before he knew it, kaito was wandering over to him.
“it’s quite late, rui-kun. is something bothering you?”
“fufu… yes, you could say that. i was hoping you could give me some advice on a certain matter.” kaito sat down on a bench and motioned for rui to sit beside him, which he did.
“well i can’t promise anything, but i will try my best. please do explain what this matter is?”
“ah, well. recently i keep experiencing this, well, i’m not sure what it is. maybe fear? anxiety? something like that.”
“anxiety? do you know what’s causing it?”
“yes, i do. i believe i am… i am experiencing this worry that…” he trails off, looking nervous, so kaito waits for him to finish. “to put it simply, i’m worried the others will leave me behind. especially tsukasa-kun.”
“i thought that’s what this would be about… look rui-kun, i can’t make you feel any different. what i can say though is, the others are just as worried about being left behind as you are. they love you, rui-kun. please believe it from me, as i have access to tsukasa-kun’s feelings. and if i can’t make you believe it, i’m sure they can.”
rui nodded, a tear slipping down his face. if kaito saw it, he didn’t say anything. rui wiped it away, getting up to leave the sekai. kaito stood up after him. before rui paused “the world hasn’t even started yet!” he hugged kaito, whispering a “thank you”. after him and kaito parted their ways, rui left the sekai.
rui sat at his desk, which was littered with various mechanical parts, looking up with determination.
though the thoughts wouldn’t stop bothering him, he knew what to do now! all he needs is to just talk to his troupe, and everything will be solved!
rui has always been terrified of being abandoned. it’s much different now, in a good way? he’s not sure.
but with forgetting his people pleaser tendencies, rui plans how he will ask tsukasa. though first, he must go to bed, an unusual act for him.
rui decides he needs to talk to tsukasa as soon as he can, so he texts him once he wakes up.
rui:
good morning, tsukasa-kun!
i was wondering if we could talk during lunch today?
meet me on the roof as usual, fufu~
tsukasa:
yes of course!!!! i’ll be there!!!!
rui is glad tsukasa is so enthusiastic, though this won’t be exactly fun.
rui is already on the roof when the lunch bell rings. his chest clenches with anxiety, waiting for tsukasa to get to the roof. though he doesn’t wait for long, as tsukasa comes sprinting up to the rooftop.
“RUI!!!!!! SORRY IF I KEPT YOU WAITING!!!!!!!”
“fufu… no tsukasa-kun, i did not wait long.”
“good to hear!” he paused to catch his breath, having just ran up several flights of stairs. “what did you need to talk about, rui?”
“ah, um… i’m sorry if i spoil your mood, tsukasa-kun.”
“no worries rui!!!! i’m sure this is way more important than my mood at the moment!” tsukasa paused, dropping the act. “but seriously rui, what’s bothering you?”
“sorry, it seems it’s harder to say just straight up, y’know?”
“yeah, take your time, i don’t mind! you are the one who invited me here after all.”
rui sat there, staring at the floor before suddenly blurting out, “i’m terrified of losing the troupe, it keeps me awake at night, and i don’t know what to do anymore.”
“rui… how long has this been happening?” tsukasa looked up at rui, seeing the pure pain in his expression.
“i don’t know, weeks? i haven’t paid attention.” he looked away in shame.
“we could have helped if you said something, it’s too late now though. you’re our dearest director, we couldn’t leave you for anyone or for any reason. we love you, rui. please try to accept that.” rui held his face in his hands, tears flowing freely now.
as though they were communicating silently, tsukasa pulled rui into a hug. the two of them stayed like that for a long time, rui sobbing into tsukasa’s shoulder, tsukasa just sad because rui was.
eventually tsukasa pulled away, wiping away rui’s tears. “do you think you can tell the others later?”
“i…i think i can.”
“alright, just tell me if you think we should cancel rehearsal or anything! the bell is about to ring, so i should get going!” tsukasa grabbed his things, but stood there looking at rui. “again rui, i love you, don’t forget that.” rui smiled at him, and watched him leave the rooftop. his heart felt warm.
rui finally left the rooftop at the end of the day, going to meet up with tsukasa to walk to phoenix wonderland. they ignored the situation from earlier, until tsukasa spoke up.
“rui, do you still think you can talk about it with the others?” rui nodded nervously, but then showed a look of strength. he knew he could do it.
once the whole troupe was at wonderstage, rui decided to bring it up before rehearsal even started.
“everyone, i have something i want to discuss with you all, as both your director and your friend.” the others looked at him intently. “i think we need to talk about the idea that we will disband eventually. i can’t speak for any of you, but i know it bothers me, and has been for some time now. and based on what we have talked about, it affects you too.”
wonderlands x showtime now knew what they now had to work on. it wasn’t just their shows, but also the communication in their troupe as a whole. it seems that rui’s brain was wrong after all,
they really do love him.
rui sat at his desk, which was littered with various mechanical parts, happily building robots for the troupe he knew would last.