Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Hey, Mechamaru. You think I can come visit you sometime?"

"Huh?" Mechamaru whirs to life like an old computer, one bright green eye flicking on. It’s the only light inside his dark silhouette against the window of the bullet train. He has to use his less-damaged arm to reposition his torso manually to face Kasumi, broken chassis creaking with the strain - privately, Kasumi wonders at the fact that he can even move with all that damage. "Didn't catch that," he says, voice tired even through the tinny ring of speakers. "I was asleep."

"Oh!" Kasumi's already blushing, rubbing her fingers across the polyester armrest of her seat. "Sorry. You can go back to sleep if you want."

"It's fine," he says, sounding more annoyed than fine. "Just repeat the question."

"Oh, uh, I was just asking… if I could come visit you sometime, you know?" Kasumi glances at him, his wrecked face slightly obscured by the hair hanging over her eyes. She looks away quickly, telling herself, get it together! “I mean, it’s just… I think, during the Goodwill Event, we all got a lot closer, playing baseball yesterday and everything… but you kinda got excluded. And I guess, usually in the sorcery world we kinda avoid getting close to people, but… I really liked hanging out with everyone so I thought maybe… you know, maybe we could hang out.” And she shuts her mouth firmly and fixes her gaze on her knees, ignoring Mechamaru’s ever-impassive gaze.

A moment passes, then two. In the background, a burst of quiet laughter from Mai as Momo says something funny. Kasumi picks at her nails and wonders if Mechamaru is mad at her. “Sorry,” she says quickly. “I know it’s kinda weird to ask.”

“No, it’s fine,” Mechamaru says, and he sounds just as awkward as her, thankfully. “I just don’t really know what to say.”

“Say you’ll let me visit?” Kasumi says, giving him a sheepish look.

Mechamaru sighs, a ringing, hissing noise through the speakers, and turns back towards the window. “Sorry.”

An unpleasant jolt goes down Kasumi’s spine. “No, it’s fine,” she assures him too quickly, lurching towards him on instinct. “I get it, I get it… I don’t like people coming over when I’m sick either.” Which is a lie. When Mechamaru doesn’t say anything, she hastily adds, “You know what, just forget I said anything.”

“No, it’s not that,” Mechamaru says haltingly. “There are just… circumstances. You know?”

“Y- yeah,” Kasumi says, even though she doesn't. “Well, we can always hang out in other ways, right? It doesn’t have to be in person…”

“I guess,” Mechamaru says, but he doesn’t sound convinced. He turns back to the window of the bullet train, adjusting his hood with a tinny sigh and unceremoniously killing the conversation. Kasumi fidgets with her hands for a bit, then shrugs to herself and turns back to her phone, ignoring the jittering in her stomach.

“Alright, everyone,” Utahime says, clapping so loud that it echoes off the bleachers. It’s more for flair than anything, or maybe habit. Nobody is talking. The fine ranks of the Kyoto Jujutsu High seniors have been reduced to six surly, beat-up teenagers, scattered across the bleachers at Training Ground Three. Utahime, by contrast, has recovered from her encounter with Satoru Gojo and is once again straight-backed and serene. “Let’s debrief. Anyone have any thoughts to start us off?”

Dead silence over the field, interrupted only by the faint sounds of idol music from Todo's phone. He's draped over two rows of bleachers a ways away from everyone else, not even pretending to be paying attention.

Kamo raises his hand.

“Yes! Kamo.”

“The Tokyo students show great promise,” Kamo says. He doesn’t mention Fushiguro, but Mai rolls her eyes anyway.

“That they do,” says Utahime. “You all fought well as well.” From the looks on everyone’s faces, nobody buys that.

“I liked playing baseball,” Kasumi pipes up. “The Tokyo students were actually really nice!” There’s a murmur of approval. Utahime nods.

“Why did we have to try and kill Itadori?” Mai pipes up from where she’s sprawled at the back of the bleachers, picking at a bag of chips.

Utahime makes a face. “Unfortunately, matters of security aren’t up to me.”

“So Itadori is a threat to our security?”

"How can the administration have let a special-grade through?" Momo asks.

"Let us talk to the principal," Todo says abruptly, voice carrying across the field.

"Yeah! Why did he order us to kill Itadori?" Momo says.

"Principal Gakuganji is busy right now," Utahime says, provoking a general eye-roll from the cohort.

Kasumi tunes out the rest of the students and just looks around at them instead, fiddling with her hands in her lap. They look rough. Kamo's still covered in bandages, Momo is bruised and battered, and Mai looks exhausted. Todo is staring at his phone. In the background, she catches a glimpse of blond hair ducking behind the bleachers - Nitta, spying on the returning group. He'll get his information from Momo later, probably.

Kasumi gets a strange feeling, though, like there's someone missing. A moment later, she realizes why.

"Where is Mechamaru?" she murmurs.

Everyone takes vague notice at this, glancing at her with flat eyes. The training ground falls more or less silent.

Utahime makes an uncomfortable expression. "He's decommissioned right now."

It's not unusual for Mechamaru to miss class. He is, in Mai's words, 'the school's number one flake.' Sometimes it feels like he misses school every other day.

This is different.

Mechamaru's never tolerated people seeing him as a robot or a puppet. Valentine's Day last year, her meagre attempt at an olive branch had been promptly ruined by a few blunt sentences - What do you think I am? And when she'd tried to explain - It's just a proxy, and don't forget it.

But the assistant managers had hauled Mechamaru's remains in during the salvage operation in Tokyo, a hunk of warped, gutted metal with wires and fragments spilling out of the middle. He wasn't moving - Mechamaru had given up hours ago, left his body lying broken and empty on the roof. Kamo and Kasumi had been resting in the common room at the time, and even Kamo had gone quiet after Mechamaru was carried up the stairs and covered with a sheet. Mechamaru had barely been able to start up again on the way back. And now, he's missing from class and training, and nobody talks about him. And she knows it’s not his real body, she’s not stupid. She knows he’s fine. But still…

On the fourth day Mechamaru's absent from class, Kasumi scrapes up the courage to ask Utahime what the deal is with him. She chews on her lips for a second and replies, "He's off sick."

"Is he okay?" Kasumi asks.

Utahime looks at her strangely. "He'll be back soon," she says, and changes the subject.

"Okay, everyone," Utahime says. "Let's go over our assignments for today!"

Mai sighs loudly, which Utahime pointedly ignores. Kasumi stays silent, eyes fixed politely ahead at the blackboard. She tallies up her to-do list in her head as Utahime speaks. Schoolwork, training, working out, she has to speak to Momo about their plans this weekend… oh, and buy a present for Mai or something, she seems down…

"...and that'll be due - Oh. Welcome back, Mechamaru."

Kasumi blinks and glances at the doorway. Frozen there, like a deer in headlights, is Mechamaru. He pauses - gives Utahime a hesitant nod and heads to his seat, feet clanking quietly against the floor.

"Right! As I was saying…"

Kasumi tries to get a good look at Mechamaru without looking too much like she's staring. On the other side, she sees Mai doing the same. He looks almost pristine except for a few new scratches and dents. Completely repaired in just a few days. Unless he brought out a spare? But then, why the wait at all? Kasumi dares to turn a little more towards him to catch a better look, and he glances at her. She gives him an awkward smile and a wave and turns away towards the blackboard again.

She’s lost in thought as Utahime tells them all their schedule for this week. She seems to have learned not to rely on Mechamaru’s presence in class. Kasumi wonders how on Earth he’s passing his classes. She glances at him again, but he’s just sitting there, statue-still, his back even straighter than the chair he’s in.

“...and start work on your notebooks,” Utahime continues, “if you want to, in advance… they’ll be due in the fall…” Kasumi scribbles this down in her agenda, already mentally portioning out the work. “That’s all for today,” she says. “We currently have enough adult sorcerers to cover the day, so no missions will be assigned. You’re all free to go.” A quiet yesss from Mai. "See you later.” And she sweeps out of the classroom without fanfare, probably to go talk to the third-years.

Mai and Kasumi start packing up. Mai, as usual these days, isn’t meeting Kasumi’s eyes. Kasumi guesses she’s going to go to her spot behind the admin building, or next to the fenced-off business area. Probably to curl up and mope into her knees. Kasumi sighs internally and moves to intercept her, hoping to distract her before her sullenness can reclaim her.

“Hey,” Mechamaru says.

Kasumi startles and looks up. He’s standing over her with his arms stiffly at his sides. “Oh,” she says, “hi, Mechamaru. What’s up?” In the background she watches Mai cast a glimpse at them, then leave with her bag slung over her shoulder. Ah, well.

“I… wanted to apologize,” Mechamaru says.

That catches Kasumi’s attention. She glances at him, studying his unmoving metal expression as if it would explain why he’s acting so weird. “For what?” she asks, shouldering her own bag and motioning for Mechamaru to follow her out of the building. She tries to avoid his gaze so she doesn’t blush, and doesn’t entirely succeed.

He trails behind her with his feet clunking dully against the floor. “For blowing you off after the Goodwill Event,” he says. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I was… out of it, at the time.”

“Oh, that? Don’t worry about it,” Kasumi says, turning around to give him her best reassuring smile. “If nobody can visit you, that’s fine! Especially if it’s out of your control. Really, I was just being self-indulgent, so don’t worry about it.”

“...I was talking about my overall tone,” he says.

Oh. Kasumi’s face goes hot, and she smiles a bit more, trying to seem less nervous than she is. “Oh! Yeah, don’t worry about that either.”

He nods.

“...Why were you out of it, if you don’t mind my asking?” Kasumi asks.

Mechamaru pauses, but before she can take the question back, he replies lamely: “Headache.”

“Aww, that sucks.” She makes a sympathetic face. “Did you enjoy Tokyo at least?”

“I didn’t get to see much of it,” he says. There’s another long pause, but again, before Kasumi can jump in with something else, he adds: “The campus was pretty impressive. I guess.”

“Yeah!” Kasumi nods vigorously. “Apparently it’s a hub for a ton of sorcerers. I think Momo plans to move there when she’s done her placement here.”

“That’s not a bad plan,” Mechamaru says. “Though, I think the sorcerers there might eat her alive. Nobara in particular.”

“Oh, did they not get along?” Kasumi shoulders open the door and steps out into the gentle morning sunshine, holding the door open for Mechamaru to follow. They head down the steps together, turning left towards Training Ground 2.

“No, from what I saw they seemed… well… Nobara insulted Mai,” Mechamaru says carefully. “I think it had something to do with her sister…”

“Maki?”

“Mm. Well, not that I’d know,” Mechamaru says. “Clan politics… ugh.”

“Ha, tell me about it! I don’t even talk to Kamo all that often and I still know everything Fushiguro did during the event. Are they friends, or something?”

Mechamaru shrugs. “Something like that,” he says opaquely. “At least he’s not-”

“Todo,” Kasumi says, more of a sigh than a word.

“Do you think he actually knew Sukuna’s vessel in middle school?”

“Itadori denied the whole thing later,” Kasumi says. “I guess you were already decommissioned, but Todo actually chased him halfway across campus before the baseball started, and he ended up falling in a pond!”

Mechamaru chuckles. “Yeah, I guessed as much.”

Kasumi beams, wiggling her toes. He laughed! “Yep,” she says, “Plus apparently he held off that special-grade for a really long time, just him and Itadori. Just what you’d expect from Todo, I guess.”

Mechamaru doesn’t answer for a long second. Kasumi glances at him, but he’s just staring ahead as he walks, blank. She waits.

“I can’t believe they attacked the Goodwill Event,” he says eventually, quietly, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it… They hurt Todo, and Kamo, he...”

“Todo is fine,” Kasumi says quickly. "They both are."

“I know that,” Mechamaru retorts, but he seems absent-minded. “It’s just… he could have died. It's insane. Insane…” He shakes his head again, seemingly at a loss for words.

“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy!” Kasumi tries to laugh casually, but it comes out slightly strangled. “Well, you know what? They have Satoru Gojo on it, so hopefully he’ll catch whoever did it pretty soon. We’ll be fine as long as he’s on call.”

“I hope so,” Mechamaru says. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“Me? No!” Kasumi shakes her head. “I was asleep the whole time.”

“Asleep?”

She laughs, strangled again with embarrassment this time. “Well… yeah. It’s not like I just lay down and went to sleep in the forest. Inumaki called my phone and I didn’t have my guard up…”

“Since when does Inumaki have your phone number?”

“Oh, he doesn’t! It was your phone that Panda stole.”

“My phone?”

“It’s fine! Don’t feel bad!” Kasumi says, maybe a bit forceful with her smiling. “I made it home safe and sound, and everyone’s alive and okay, so there’s nothing to worry about. I mean, you’re the one who got damaged the worst and it wasn’t even by the attackers!” A mental image of Panda flashes through her mind, and for a moment, she just wants to ask him - How could you hurt Mechamaru so badly? She ignores it.

“That was still incredibly irresponsible of them,” Mechamaru says with a surprising amount of venom. “Putting you to sleep, defenseless, in a forest full of curses? You could have died.”

“I was already pretty defenseless,” Kasumi admits. “Maki broke my sword.”

“She did?”

“She did! I thought I could beat her since she’s only fourth-grade, you know, but…” She shrugs. “Grades aren’t everything, apparently.”

Mechamaru snorts. “No. Especially not when the ones managing them are nepotistic bureaucrats.”

“Well, that’s kind of unfair, don’t you think? The higher-ups may not be perfect, but at least we got a ranking system.”

“The higher-ups are far from not perfect,” Mechamaru says, with unconcealed disdain.

Kasumi laughs, rather awkwardly. “I don’t know… I kinda like it here.”

“Really? You get paid, like, nine hundred yen an hour. On jobs that might kill you.”

“It’s eleven hundred,” Kasumi protests. "And it'd be higher if they'd let me go on better missions. These easy ones couldn't kill me if they tried."

"I just don't think you're cut out for this, Miwa," Mechamaru says, shaking his head. "Especially not the harder missions. The things you have to see and do…"

Kasumi's face goes hot. "If you really think all that, maybe you're the one not cut out for fighting."

"That's impossible," he says. "Fighting is the only thing I'm useful for." He says it without passion.

"It isn't, though. You do other stuff all the time."

He shakes his head, sighs as if she's just not getting it. "If I stop fighting, I'll die."

"Isn't that a little..."

"It's true. The higher-ups would stop paying for my life support, and…" He shakes his head. "I have to keep fighting."

Kasumi blinks. "Life support?"

He falls silent for a too-short moment. “Never mind.”

“No, no, what? They wouldn’t just let you die, right? That’s… that has to be illegal.” She didn’t even know he had life support. It conjures up images of people in hospital beds with tubes in them, dying on TV. Mechamaru isn’t that sick - right?

“Just forget it,” he says. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I have work to do. I have to go.”

“Hey, wait!”

He turns and hurries down the path, leaving Kasumi standing alone in that shadow of the admin building, wondering what went wrong.

It's not like the test is going to be that hard, Kasumi tells herself, tapping her pencil idly on the edge of her notebook. For lack of a proper desk she's perched cross-legged on top of her disarrayed bed with a math textbook open on one side, a notebook in front of her, and a half-eaten bowl of carrot sticks lying, slightly tilted, among the blankets. She takes a breath and pushes her hair back, trying to stare at the trig question hastily copied into her notebook. Her eyes, ever rebellious, decide that the plain white wall is more interesting.

Her phone buzzes. She glances at it, smoothing her hair absentmindedly.

It's not a big deal, she thinks, twiddling her pencil. It'll be easy. She glances at her phone - goes to pick it up - stops herself. She shouldn't, she knows she shouldn't. It's math time. Time for doing math.

From: Momo. Just now. "hey bestie!! me n mai are going shopping wanna come?"

She shouldn't.

Okay!

She considers this, then, for damage control:

Only if we're back before 10! I have homework :')

well, we *are* going to a cafe after if you wanted to study there, Momo replies.

Oh, thank gosh. Sold. She reorders her homework into neat piles, grabs her half-charged phone, pulls on her shoes and bolts to the front gate.

Momo’s dressed in her “civvies,” as she likes to call them - flawless makeup as always and a loose dress that, like all her clothes, fits her perfectly and looks amazing. She’s always been thinner than Kasumi, and Kasumi can’t help but be a little jealous at the way the fabric hangs. Momo beams when she sees Kasumi and comes over to give her a hug and a kiss on both cheeks. “Miwa! I’m so glad you’re coming!”

Kasumi giggles, bubbles of joy rising and popping in her chest that make her wiggle and shake her hands around in delight.

Mai smiles at her as well from where she’s leaning against the front gate, arms crossed. She’s dressed all nice too, and it makes Kasumi feel rather plain with her suit and her amateur makeup. She says as much to Momo, but Momo just laughs, and so does Mai, long and joyful and sharp as nails. “Don’t be silly,” Momo says, “that’s why we’re going shopping!”

The school cars are all fancy, because Kamo and Mai insisted: there are partitions between the passengers and the driver, like a taxi. Kasumi only gets a glimpse of the driver as she’s ushered into the car by a giggling Momo, but from her hairstyle it seems to be Sugimoto, an assistant manager roped into driving them around. Kasumi waves to her. She smiles and waves back, her pretty dangly earrings swinging gently with the motion.

They all pile into the car, giggling and pressing against each other. Momo’s hair gets in Kasumi’s face and she smells like flower shampoo. Both Mai and Momo’s purses end up on Kasumi’s lap. They’re still getting buckled in as the car pulls away.

“Sooo,” Momo says, “what are we getting, girls?” Her voice is much louder now that it’s just her, Kasumi and Mai, and Kasumi smiles at the sound. This is Momo at her best - imperfect and rosy-cheeked and excitable.

“New hair gel,” Mai says, leaning back in her seat.

“Nice, nice! I’m getting some lipstick,” Momo says, “and whatever else I like… well, provided I can afford it…” And she gives Mai her best puppy eyes.

Mai plays along, rolling her eyes. “Get something nice, Momo. I’ll pay.”

She claps with glee. “Oh, I knew it! You’re the best, Mai, come here.” And she kisses her on the cheek. “Right. Miwa?”

“Uh,” Kasumi says, “I mean… I don’t want to impose…” The very idea of spending Mai’s money makes her want to shrivel up and vanish like an unwatered house plant.

“The only thing you’re imposing on is Naobito Zen’in's wallet,” Mai drawls, “and that is a heroic act.”

“Come on, dummy, you do this every time! You’re our friends! My money is your money,” Momo says. “And Mai’s money is my money!”

“Sorry…”

“We’re not complaining,” Momo says indulgently. “What do you want? Come on, anything. Or should I choose for you?”

Kasumi blushes and looks down.

“My choice it is! I think you need… a necklace.”

"With that suit?" Mai asks.

"Yes! Okay, listen. I have a vision. Picture it!" Momo spreads her hands out wide. "Same blazer and pants. Love them, mwah, we're keeping them. But we give her a coloured blouse and some jewellery… a nice subtle face…"

"Hmm," Mai says approvingly. "What colour of blouse?"

"Yellow, to contrast with her hair. Then we can put red accents and have a bold primary look."

"She'll look like Coraline," Mai says. "Pink would be better."

"Ooh, Mai, you are a genius! Pink it is! What shade?"

"Deep. Muted. Kinda magenta." She thinks for a second. "Gold necklace."

"Gold?" Kasumi gulps as a price tag in the tens of thousands of yen swirls before her eyes.

"Come on, Mai's paying," Momo says, elbowing her. "Consider it a gift from your besties! Oh, and we were gonna study a little too, right?"

Kasumi smiles. "Um, yeah."

"Right! We'll go shopping, then café. Alright? Don't you worry, Miwa. We'll get you through math class one shopping trip at a time!"

As they get farther and farther from the school, Mai starts to smile.

They go to all the fancy stores, the ones that smell like perfume where the staff smother you.

"I like the one with the rose on it," Momo says. "You know? I think it has this, like, nice tailored look." It's true, it flatters her. She looks like an angel with that delicate gold necklace glittering around her neck.

Mai grins. "Sold. Miwa?"

"I don't know…" Kasumi looks down at the bright yellow blouse Momo picked out for her (despite Mai's protest). "It looks kind of… I don't know… loud?"

"That's the point," Momo says. "Come on, just give it a try. What are you afraid of?"

Wasting money. "I don't know."

"We're buying it," Mai says.

"It looks good on you," the attendant chimes in, her voice coloured by her polished-perfect smile.

"Why don't we buy something else instead?" Kasumi asks, slightly desperate. "Like those pants, uh…"

"The ones that were too small for you?"

She turns red.

Mai laughs. "Come on, let's cash out."

Kasumi cringes away at the cash, physically unable to watch Mai hand a few 10,000 yen bills to the cashier. All she can think about as the cashier hands back their change is how much food that was worth… how many clothes…

Mai stuffs her folded-up yellow shirt into her arms and gives her a big hug. "Let's wear it while we study," she says.

"What if I get food on it?" Kasumi asks, but Mai just laughs.

Twenty minutes later, Kasumi's seated at a café with a bright yellow blouse and new makeup on. She's wearing her blazer over it, at least, but she eats her raspberry tart so meticulously and slowly that Momo asks, laughing, if she's trying to eat it layer by layer. Mai makes a joke about eating like a bird. The café is full of the warm sounds of chatter, and Kasumi's homework seems easy with Momo relaxing beside her, and it is getting late.

Time passes in a warm haze - a few trig problems, Momo's warm praise, Mai's free, joyous laugh. The waiter coming over to ask them if they've finished - Mai picking up the bill - the warm taste of raspberry tart lingering in her mouth - the cement beneath her as they sit on the curb, waiting for a pick-up, laughter and chatter and conversation flickering like warm lights across the evening crowd.

Sugimoto picks them up not long after. She smiles when she sees Kasumi, rolls down the window and waves. Kasumi waves back.

"Late night, huh?" Sugimoto asks.

"Sorry," Kasumi says with a sheepish grin over the crinkling of shopping bags as Mai and Momo pile into the back of the car. "Are we past curfew?"

"Yeah, but no worries!" Sugimoto says. "Driving you gives me a break from paperwork, you know? Go on, get in."

The ride home is quiet, only the sounds of the distant radio through the partition, Momo's quiet snoring and the wheels bumping against the road. Mai stares out the window, her knuckles tight around the handles of her bag. Kasumi stares out at the buildings passing… the trees… she's warm and full and her eyes are drifting…

Sugimoto opens the door Kasumi's leaning on, and Kasumi yelps, just barely righting herself before she falls all the way out of the car. The cool night air hits her not long after.

Sugimoto laughs. "Having a nap?"

"It's late!" Kasumi protests.

"Five more minutes," Momo groans as she slides past Kasumi out of the car.

"Get to bed quickly," Sugimoto says. "Nishimiya, you have a mission early tomorrow."

Momo lets out a good-natured groan. "Oh, don't remind me." To Kasumi: "See you around!"

"Yeah! See ya!" Kasumi gives her a quick hug, and Momo shuffles off to bed. When Kasumi turns around, Mai's already disappeared, probably also to bed.

"Go in," Sugimoto tells her. "I'll take care of the car. Tomorrow's a mission for you too, isn't it?"

"Mmm." Kasumi rubs her eyes. "Not an important one."

"Good luck either way." And with a smile and a wave, Sugimoto climbs into the car and leaves.

The campus is different at night, would be almost eerie without the warm afterglow of this evening. Kasumi's bag tugs at the joints of her fingers as she shuffles over into the dark dorm building and towards her room.

There's a clank down the hall.

Kasumi freezes, jarred out of her sleepy stupor. Before she can ask who's there, Mechamaru comes around the corner. He stops short. "Oh. Miwa," he says, a little loud for this time of night. His voice sounds… weird. "You're still up."

"Sure am," she whispers.

"Are you…" He looks down. "Are you doing anything right now?"

"Going to bed."

"Oh… Are you wearing makeup?"

"Yeah," she says, blushing, and resists the bizarre urge to apologize.

"Well-" Another choppy pause- "It looks good on you."

"Thanks!" she chirps, a little too fast, fidgeting with her bag. "I'll… see you tomorrow in class?"

"Yeah," he says, a little raspy. "See you."

"Well then, goodnight." And without another word, she hurries down the hallway, heel-toe, quietly. Mechamaru doesn't move as she passes him and slips into her room. She closes the door and turns on the lights.

For a moment, everything is silent - just silent enough to hear, dimly, Mechamaru echoing her even though she's long gone. "Goodnight," he murmurs. Then he sighs and continues down the hall.

She listens for his footsteps, but he doesn't come back to his own dorm room until long after she's fallen asleep slumped over her desk, with the lights still on.

Chapter Text

"Yo, what's up with the blackboard?"  

Kasumi shrugs. "It was like that when I came in." 

Mai dumps her bag at her desk and walks up to the blackboard, tracing a finger over the huge piece of brown paper taped haphazardly across it. Under her fingertips, faint new outlines appear - more paper, taped under the outer sheet. "Weird," she says. "Is Utahime using this, or…?" 

Kasumi shrugs and turns back to her trig sheet, which has been stumping her consistently with every question since 1c. She's googling how to solve it for what feels like the twentieth time when Mechamaru walks in and sits down at his desk, slightly apart from Mai and Kasumi and silent as always. 

She doesn't even manage to get the question finished before Utahime walks in. The class stands up, bows, greets her. Utahime smiles at the three of them and says, "Good morning, everyone. Sit down." Obediently, they do. 

Utahime makes her way to the blackboard - and turns to look at them, the smile fading slowly off her face. "Now," she says. "Before I send you out on your assignments for today, there's something I'd like to show you." 

Mai and Kasumi lean forward a little. Mechamaru doesn't move. 

"Me, the Tokyo staff and the administration have been in contact," she says. "As you know, we've recently been coming into contact with a group of special-grade, sapient cursed spirits with distinctive patterns of violence." She looks across all of them, one by one. Her gaze cuts into Kasumi, the scar on her nose wrinkling. Her lips are crinkled up into a pinched crescent of discontent. "We have reason to believe that students may be at risk. If you come into contact with any entities that look like the pictures I'm about to show you, you are to contact a supervisor and retreat as far as possible immediately. Let me be clear. My policy has not changed; you are, as always, explicitly forbidden from fighting special-grades. I won't threaten you. The fight would be its own punishment." 

Mai rolls her pencil across her fingers and kicks her legs up against the desk, her bottom lip jutting out in a razor-edged pout. "Are you going to show us, or not?" 

"The pictures under this paper," Utahime says, rapping her knuckles against the board with a rattle of loose paper, "consist of victims of their ringleader's attacks. He's been known to target sorcerers, and appears as a tall, light-haired young man with stitches across his face. He often leaves these entities in his wake. I must warn you, it's quite graphic, but it's important that you're able to recognize the distinctive patterns of disfiguration for your own safety. You will not receive such warnings in the field."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

Utahime casts a sharp glance at Mai. "If you encounter these entities, kill on sight. They are almost always aggressive towards humans, and cannot be cured. They are also in league with the patch-faced spirit, an offence the higher-ups have deemed punishable by death." 

Mai clicks her pencil against the desk, slumping sideways and staring listlessly at her wrist. "Gross," she murmurs. Mechamaru sits statue-still, the whirring of distant and untold mechanisms inside him mingling with the hum of AC. 

Utahime nods, once, her gaze hardening at each student in turn. Kasumi stiffens too, involuntarily, as Utahime's fingers find the edge of the brown paper and she rips it from the blackboard with the high, faint sound of masking tape peeling away. 

Kasumi catches a brief glimpse of one of them and she looks away immediately, trying not to make a sound. 

Mai huffs quietly, and when Kasumi glances at her, her eyes are wide and her hands are still on her desk. Mechamaru lets out a measured, tinny breath, still unmoving. Utahime's eyes flick from one student to another, eyebrows quirking together as if she's trying to read their silence. 

Kasumi clenches her stomach. Clenches her fists, so hard that her nails dig into the flesh of her palm. She counts to ten, slowly. And she looks back up at the pictures and forces her brain to process the information.

Subject #1 is of indiscernible age, gender, and ethnicity, she writes in her head, as if it's an assignment. Resembles a cursed spirit, but injuries mark it clearly to be human. The skin has some mottling going on, and serious purple discolouration. Varicose veins everywhere. Seems to have been injured badly post-... post-whatever happened to it, judging by sores, blisters and missing skin. Its teeth have been turned outwards too and arranged in a circle, like a lamprey… its eyes turned sideways as well, perhaps? They look a little long… Its limbs look too weak and small to walk with, but there are six… ten… eighteen limbs visible. Can't tell if they're arms or legs. The fingers (toes?) have been fused into hook-like appendages. She feels her eyes flick across it, trying to look away. Reddish discolouration of the sclera… looks like it's been crying… 

"Fuuuuck," Mai whispers. Mechamaru exhales softly. 

Subject #2 is of indiscernible age, gender, ethnicity, Kasumi thinks fiercely, mottling and strong green-blue discolouration, same red sclera on the eyes. Two remaining limbs, likewise shrivelled and shortened. Appears to have been wearing… a pink blouse… 

Distantly, Utahime is speaking. "I want you to observe the induced deformity… we know that he controls these transformations through skin-on-skin contact with the subject… causing irreversible…"

Impossibly, Kasumi looks at them and her brain goes, that's a human . And then her stomach lurches and her gaze flees into an unoccupied corner of the classroom, wavering as her eyes fill with unshed tears. Get it together, she tells herself. It'll be your job to deal with these soon. A distant part of her steals Mai's voice: I want to go home. Kasumi's hand finds the hilt of her sword and she thinks of six months of rent money and holds on for dear life. 

"Autopsies revealed that…" 

There's a sketch of the leader on the board. She focuses on that. He looks like a college student, if you ignore the stitches and unsettlingly wide eyes. His hair drapes across his face in greasy bundles. He's smiling. There's something wrong with his smile. A heat grows in Kasumi's stomach. How dare you smile, she thinks. For what you did. For my family, for humanity, someone should kill you. 

"...is anyone actually listening to me?" 

Utahime stops and turns to look at the class, probing them with a careful frown. And with a lurch, Kasumi realizes she's still in a classroom. The pictures are still there. She's panting slightly, sweating, cold despite the stifling room. Mai's expression is pinched up. Mechamaru's so utterly still that Kasumi can barely tell if he's on.

Utahime's expression softens. "I know," she says. "I'm sorry. It's different when they're human beings. I didn't give you time to process this. In the field, you won't have time, but we're not in the field right now, are we? Please, if you have any thoughts, feel free to share them."

Utter silence falls over the classroom. Kasumi struggles for something to say but her thoughts escape her, like a handful of water dripping through her fingers. 

Mai makes an indistinct noise and hunches over, eyes fixed firmly on the cheap chipboard of her desk. "They're disgusting," she mutters, her voice shaky. 

"Don't be disrespectful," Mechamaru says. His voice is flat and hollow. "These are real people." 

Utahime frowns. 

"Yeah, I know. That's the worst part. They look like - like monsters, I don't know." 

"That's not the point," Mechamaru says haltingly, turning to look at Mai with a quiet whir and creak. "Don't insult their looks. It's not their fault." 

"Insult their looks?" A shaky laugh. Mai gestures vaguely at the first picture. "Am I not allowed to point out that a disfigured corpse makes me wanna puke?" 

"They could still be alive."

Mai makes a noise in the back of her throat. "God, I hope not." 

A hush falls over the classroom again, and Kasumi figures Mechamaru must be done. She fixes her gaze on her desk, closes her eyes. Breathes as deeply as she can manage. 

"...Are you fucking kidding me."  

Startled, Kasumi glances at Mechamaru, at his cocked head, green eyes gleaming at Mai. His face holds no trace of the pure, incandescent rage in his voice, but it's visible in the way he's leaning forward, fingers twitching as if he'd like to go for Mai's neck. Kasumi looks at Mai just in time to catch her eyes hardening. She straightens up and meets his glare with an equally vehement look, lip folding as she squints as if to examine exactly what the Hell is wrong with him. Kasumi's not so stupid that she can't smell conflict coming. She shrinks back into her seat like a turtle pulling its head in. 

Utahime recovers from her surprise a second later. "Mechamaru," she says, and takes a step forward. "This is a class environment-"

"Excuse me, did you not hear what she just said ?" A cutting gesture at Mai, every inch of it full of self-righteous fury. 

Instead of flinching, Mai jerks forward like a cornered animal. "Dude, what's wrong with you?! I was just making an observation. They're freaky, okay?!"

The only things stopping Kasumi from curling into the fetal position are social mores and the inclination to move the least amount possible. She keeps her head down. Her eyes wander everywhere but the other occupants of the room. The tearful, pleading gazes of the corpses in the pictures seem palpable as they stare down at the trainwreck unfolding below. 

Mechamaru's disembodied voice snarls, "Stop saying that!" 

Mai is unbending, brittle with offense. "What?" she snaps. "It's true. They're friggin' gross, and you can't argue with that." A barking laugh. "Unless someone has a mummy fetish he wants to tell us about? No? Lizard fetish, then, am I right?"

"Mai -" Utahime starts.

"That is not funny," Mechamaru hisses. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You don't know anything." 

"Excuse you, I know plenty. I've been on missions, dickhead. I've seen dead bodies, and guess what? They're gross!"

"This is different and you know it-" 

"How? Literally how is it different?" 

An incredulous laugh. "Are you hearing yourself right now? You just said they deserve to die!" 

"Uh, no, I absolutely did not, so stop twisting my words. All I'm saying is maybe them dying was a mercy, considering-"

"Mai," Kasumi says, her voice emerging as a faint, exhausted whine. 

"- considering how painful that looks, and yes, it is disturbing and it makes me sick to look at, deal with it-" 

"So suffering human beings make you sick to look at. Real classy-"   

"They're not just suffering, they're fucking deformed! Are they even human beings anymore? I mean, look at them-"

A dead, disbelieving laugh. "Fuck you!" 

"Fuck yourself, asshole! Why are you yelling at me? All I said is dead bodies are gross and-"

"Oh, pull your head out of your ass!" (Kasumi hunches down even further, putting her hands over her head.) "Why don't you imagine being awake in there? Imagine your body failing, imagine feeling yourself dying while people gag and make faces and argue over whether your life is even worth saving, just because they can't stand looking at you! But all you can fucking think about is how gross they look, isn't it, you shallow, self-absorbed piece of shit? People like you are the reason-" 

"Mechamaru, that is enough!" 

Utahime's hand comes down with a bang on Mechamaru's desk. Kasumi flinches violently. Mechamaru stops talking. The room goes quiet. 

 "I understand," Utahime says, very quiet, "that these photos are upsetting. I understand that you may have intense reactions. But that is not an excuse to start screaming and swearing at each other. I expect you to keep things civil. Both of you." 

Mai starts to say something, but stops abruptly. 

"Civil?" Mechamaru's voice is dead flat. "She called them disgusting. She said-" 

"Mechamaru, if the photos upset you that much you may sit in the hallway and calm down." 

"Don't patronize me-"

"I said enough!" Utahime snarls, and Kasumi's body lurches and tries to fold in on itself like a dead spider, and Mechamaru stops again. 

"Be quiet," Utahime says, deadly soft, "or leave my classroom." 

Kasumi feels the pressure of the staring contest taking place beside her, leaking into the air. She keeps her fingers firmly on her head and does not move and squeezes her eyes shut and swallows. 

A chair grinds against the floor and Mechamaru's steps clank wordlessly out of the classroom. 

Finally, Kasumi dares to glance up, blinking her eyes open. The classroom fuzzes out and resolves itself. Mai is pale and her bottom lip is jutting out in self-righteous fury. Utahime looks exhausted. Mechamaru's chair is askew and the door is ajar. 

"Friggin' weirdo," Mai mutters, turning back around to dig listlessly in her pencil case. 

"Please be considerate, Mai." Utahime massages her temples. "I'm sure he has his reasons." 

"What, you on his side?"

"I'm not having this argument with you. Let's get on with class." 

The sound of wood splintering is audible even from behind the closed door to the courtyard. Kasumi tells her feet to hurry, but they slow down instead. She already knows it's Mechamaru. He's nowhere else to be found. She couldn't even hear him clanking around in his dorm-room-turned-workshop. 

An air of dismay still hangs about the thought of him like lingering smoke, but Kasumi doesn't want to avoid thinking about him. She needs - she doesn't know. An explanation? No, but some sort of continuation. Things can't be left hanging here. What he'd said back then - Imagine your body failing, imagine feeling yourself dying - and - life support… I have to keep fighting… 

She peers through the crack between the door and the wall, sticking her fingers in the gap and wiggling them back and forth the teeniest bit to widen it. He's got his back to her, turning the training dummies into sawdust, which is against the rules. He makes no sound. Just pure methodical destruction. 

She almost takes a step forward, but in the end instincts honed for a lifetime tell her not to mess with the angry person. She snaps the door shut and hurries to the showers. 

On her way back, there are low voices coming from the training grounds. Utahime, calm. Mechamaru, brittle. Kasumi stops by the crack in the door.

"- would you just cut me some slack?!" 

"I've been cutting you slack for a year," Utahime says. "I still am, or else you would be punished for this, but you're not. Instead, I'm giving you special attention. This is what that looks like."

"Oh, like that's a kindness. It's your fucking job."

"It's not my job to stop the consequences of your actions," Utahime says.

"What consequences? Mai hating me? Oh, boy, like she didn't already make it supremely clear that she thinks the world would be a better place if I offed myself." 

"Mechamaru." 

"What." 

"What Mai said to you was cruel," Utahime says. "But yelling was also cruel. Never mind to Mai, but Miwa too. She was terrified. Did you ever think of that? No. Nor did you stop to consider Mai's point of view, or mine. You're not the only student at this school who has problems."

Mechamaru makes a discontented noise. The light shifts beyond the crack in the door, and then Kasumi sees a glint of green and copper. Oh, crap, he can see her. 

Kasumi's stomach clenches and she hurries to get out of earshot as quickly as possible. 

When Kasumi arrives, Momo's blasting KinKi Kids on an expensive looking Bluetooth speaker. She waves vigorously, blows on her freshly painted nails. "Miwa! How're things?" 

"Oh…" Kasumi waves back, glancing at Mai. She's draped over the tastefully purple bed at the back of the room, scrolling on her phone with a sullen expression. "Hi, Momo. Hey, Mai."

Mai gives her a half-hearted peace sign by way of greeting. "Yo." 

"How are you… feeling?" Kasumi asks, almost chickening out at the last word, but forcing it off her tongue anyway. 

Mai shrugs, thumbing through a couple apps. "Fine. Better than this morning." 

My heart is a cracked marble, the singer goes on. If you look into it… 

"Well, that's good," Kasumi says with a tentative smile. "Momo, d'you have clear nail polish?"

"You're so boring!" Momo teases, and chucks a bottle of clear nail polish at Kasumi. 

She yelps and catches it against her stomach. "Don't do that!" 

Momo just laughs. "Sit down." 

Kasumi plops down onto Momo's shag carpet and pretends to sulk as she examines the chips in her nail polish from last week. Yeah, pretty much every finger's gonna have to go. Slowly, her joking sulk calcifies into a sullen silence, leaching through Mai's skin and filling the room like heavy gas. Even Momo seems a little downtrodden. 

Kasumi resolutely picks up the nail polish remover and a cotton ball and ignores the awkwardness with a ferocity rivalled only by tigers and Momo when her friends make self-deprecating jokes. Momo files her nails down into perfect little ovals from the slightly larger perfect little ovals they've grown into since last week. 

Over on the bed, Mai puts in her earbuds, screwing them into her ear with a pout of annoyance. Only once she seems to be settled in and satisfied with whatever YouTube video she's found, only then does Momo turn to Kasumi, her eyes a little wider than normal. "Did they…" she hesitates her way through the words. "Did Utahime show you guys the pictures too?" 

"Mai didn't tell you?" Kasumi rubs furiously at the stubborn polish on her pointer finger.  

Momo shakes her head. "She wouldn't tell me anything. I assumed it's the pictures that are bothering her…"

"You're half-right," Kasumi says. "She's upset 'cause Mechamaru yelled at her."

"What? He did?!" Momo's voice turns into a bit of a whisper-yell, and she glances back at Mai, wide-eyed. Mai seems not to notice. "Why? What happened?" 

Kasumi hesitates, already regretting participating in this conversation. Already she's thinking of her forehead against the cool chipboard of her desk, braced with her hands over her head as if dodging crossfire. She scrubs at her pinky with new vigour until the cotton ball tugs the nail painfully back and forth. "He just yelled at her," she says. "That's all." 

"But it's Mechamaru ," Momo says, in the same tone one might say, but pigs don't fly. "He's so… quiet. Why would he do that?" 

Kasumi bites the inside of her cheek. "I said I don't know."

"What about you?"

"Me? I didn't yell."

"But the pictures? What did you think?"

Kasumi shrugs, squirms. "They were upsetting." 

"That's it? Just upsetting? Don't you wonder about the leader guy? What's his deal?" 

Kasumi's fingers stutter for a moment, then she keeps rubbing. "Well," she says carefully. "They told us to flee on sight, you know? So he's gotta be dangerous." 

"Yeah…" Momo bites her lip. "But I don't know… if he's really that powerful, I mean, do you even think it's possible to run?" 

"If it's not," Kasumi says quietly, "you'd just have to fight. I guess."

"Miwa." 

"I wouldn't!" she says. "Cross my heart, I'm not that stupid. But, Momo, come on. Don't you want to fight him?" 

"No!"

"Not even a little bit?" 

"You're crazy, Miwa."

"Come onnn. Imagine being able to get rid of something evil like that. Imagine how much money he's worth." 

"Even Sukuna's host couldn't kill him!" 

"Itadori has only been a sorcerer for, like, three months! And he hadn't even met Todo at the time. Come on, he can't be all that." 

"But he's Sukuna's host." 

"Yeah, and who says Sukuna helped him with the fight, anyway?"

"Miwa!" Momo shoves her playfully. "Don't get ahead of yourself, you gotta get promoted first!"

"Yeah, easy for you to say, with your first-grade-"

"Oh, c'mon, you know that doesn't mean anything, I mean, Kamo's only semi-first and-"

"What are you two arguing about?" Mai asks, taking out an earbud and raising an eyebrow. 

"Maiiii," Momo says, "tell Miwa she isn't allowed to fight special-grades!" 

"You can't fight special-grades, Miwa…"

Kasumi fake pouts.

"Unless you take Momo with you." 

"Maiiii!" 

Chapter Text

Mechamaru doesn't leave directly after class is dismissed. Instead, he leans on his desk, crosses his arms and stares at the blackboard. Mai glares at him from under her bangs, fingers tightening on her pens. She stuffs her things into her bag and gives Kasumi a look, then heads out of the classroom. Utahime follows a second later with a hesitant glance behind, and Kasumi's alone in the classroom with Mechamaru. 

She looks pointedly down and slips her notebook into her bag, trying to pretend he's not there. 

Mechamaru's breath, a dim tinny noise, hitches a little bit. "Hey, so, um-" He turns to her, green eyes glinting, the classroom lights reflecting off his head. "Did you hear me and Utahime talking last night?" 

Ah. Crap. 

Kasumi glances up, as if to say, who, me? "Yeah," she says before she can stop herself, then quickly amends - "Nothing I understood, though." It's not technically a lie. She didn't understand, she just sort of… suspected. 

"Oh. Good."

"Mhm!" She gets up and slings her bag over her shoulder, turning towards the door- 

"Wait." 

She turns and raises an eyebrow at him. 

He visibly hesitates, head tilting gently to one side. "Would you like to walk together again?"

She should say no. She feels like she should want to say no. But…

"Sure!" Kasumi says, shrugging. "Let's go, yeah?" 

"Yeah," he says, relieved. "Yeah." 

The air is stiflingly hot outside. Clouds hang low in the sky over the campus, pressing the air down heavily, a few airplane trails lingering to the east. Only the mild breeze and the shade of buildings and branches offer some respite from the heat. Kasumi fidgets with the broken strap of her bag while trying to think of something to say. Training grounds… argument… Tokyo… this seemed so much easier last time, and that's saying something. 

"Would you be up to spar with me on Saturday?" Mechamaru asks. 

Kasumi blinks in surprise. It takes her a second to register the question, then another to sort out her schedule on Saturday. "What time-" she asks, just as Mechamaru blurts out, "That's also-" 

They both stop, and Kasumi laughs. "You go first." 

"No, you," he says, with something that's a little too awkward to be a laugh. 

"I'm free on Saturday," she says. "But only after two. I have to call my mom." 

"Sounds good. I'm free anytime, pretty much, except missions."

"Okay. Let's meet at two, then." Kasumi smiles. "I take it you're fully repaired?"

He takes a second to answer. "Yeah," he says. "Mostly. I'm functional." 

"Must be a relief to be able to go on missions again."

"Can't. It's not battle-ready, still needs coolant for the cannons." 

"Ah."

"In hindsight," he adds, "bringing spare parts could have prevented a lot of secondary damage." 

"You probably would have been badly damaged either way," Kasumi points out. "From Panda or, you know, the giant special-grade."

"Wasn't giant," he says absentmindedly, "maybe seven feet or something, according to Todo… I don't know."

"But Panda, still," Kasumi says. "Either way, the damage would have been crazy." 

"I guess."

"It really sucks, what he did to you. I can't believe they didn't punish him. I mean, isn't it against the rules to incapacitate people?" 

Mechamaru shrugs. 

"No, I'm serious. It was really brutal, or at least it looked that way from the outside. It wasn't right." 

"Whatever. It's a battle. I'm sure he wasn't worrying about the effects on me at the time." 

"Yeah…" Kasumi considers that. "At least you couldn't have died either way. So no harm, no foul, right?"

"I guess you could say that." 

She tries to smile. "That's good. Y'know, I'm actually kinda glad things turned out the way they did. Since it really wouldn't do for anyone to get seriously hurt…"

Mechamaru's little exhale-chuckle hisses through the speakers. "You chose the wrong profession, Miwa." 

"Well, hey, at least I chose the right friends."

"What d'you mean?" 

"No matter how wrecked the robot gets, you'll be fine, right?" 

He goes silent for a moment, shakes his head and continues. "N- not quite. Well, theoretically, yes, but… no…" 

Ooookay. "How? Does it hurt you to have them destroyed?" 

"Not physically. It's more of an Evangelion situation." 

Kasumi blinks. "Excuse me?" 

"Oh. You've never watched-? Right." He ducks his head a little. "Okay, well - forget it. Let's just say taking damage hurts and I have to take a few days off."

Kasumi nods sympathetically. "Is that why you were away after the Goodwill Event?" 

He pauses, a little longer than normal. Just long enough for her to look at him questioningly. "...You noticed?" he asks, a little quiet. 

"Um, yeah? It's hard not to notice when your class is only two people instead of three, yanno?" Kasumi laughs, more to alleviate the tension. 

"You… didn't say anything." 

"No? I kinda figured you'd like me to stay out of your business," she says. "Sorry. Is that rude? I didn't realize it bothered you. I can say welcome back next time, if you want." 

"It doesn't bother me," he says. "Do what you want." 

"O… kay," Kasumi says. "So is it because of your injuries at the Goodwill Event, or…" 

"What? Oh, yeah. That time was…" He lets out a heavy breath, and Kasumi realizes with a jolt that there's much more to it than she knows. Well, not that she hadn't seen his mangled body dragged through the grounds like a freakshow exhibit, but… still. "Yeah. It was rough. Plus, then I couldn't use Mechamaru for a while, and that sucked." 

"Yeah, me and the other students saw your body afterwards," Kasumi says. "It was freaky. Seems a little cruel, you know? He didn't have to go that far. He seemed so nice, too…"

"Panda's not so bad," Mechamaru says, almost defensively. 

"Really? I thought he got on your nerves." 

"He's… it's not really like… he's really not so bad," Mechamaru repeats, and shakes his head. "Whatever. Just drop it." So she does. 

"That's not your usual tracksuit," Mechamaru says as she enters Training Ground 2.

Kasumi yelps, blinking as she tries to make out Mechamaru in the bright, scorching sunlight over the courtyard. "Mechamaru, don't startle me like that! Why are you here?" 

He cocks his head, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms again. "To… spar?" 

"It's only a quarter to two!" she says, trying to get her stuff in order. She brought only a wooden training sword for fear of blunting her good shinken on Mechamaru, the downside of which is she can't just track it with cursed energy.

"I could say the same of you," he says. "I thought you had to call your mother." 

"It didn't take as long as I thought, so I'm here early," she replies, busying herself tying up her hair so she doesn't have time to be embarrassed. She's already started to sweat, she notes, slightly ashamed of her low tolerance for heat. 

"Same," he says simply. 

"How long have you been here?"

"Since one."

"Your insides must be roasting right now," Kasumi laughs.  

He pauses. "No. I fixed the coolant." 

"Oh! That's good to hear." She shifts from foot to foot, checking and sorting herself out one last time, just to make sure everything's working. "I hope you don't mind, I already stretched and warmed up… I know you don't really need to, so I didn't want to waste your time."

"You wouldn't have been wasting my time," he says. "But for the record, I did all of my systems checks already. Are you ready?" 

"Sure. Armed or unarmed?" She continues digging around in her bag. 

"Armed, but just a training sword." (Score!) "I don't want to damage Mechamaru." 

Kasumi nods. "Y'know, it's kind of weird to hear you refer to yourself in the third person." 

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you never say I don't want to damage myself, or I don't wanna damage the robot, you say you don't wanna damage Mechamaru." She finds her training sword and pulls it out. "But it's kind of weird, because you are Mechamaru." 

He shrugs, and for a second Kasumi thinks he's gonna leave it there, but then he adds: "It is fitting. Mechamaru is my body, but also a separate piece of assistive technology." 

"Assistive technology?" 

"Think of it like a prosthetic limb." She waits but he doesn't elaborate. 

 "...Uh, okay. So you named it after you?" 

"It's complicated. Let's just spar." 

"If you say so." 

So Kasumi steps out into the bright sun and smiles at him, hand on her sword. "Whenever you're ready," she tells him. 

And then a barrage of metal strikes her arms, and she topples to the ground. In a flash he pins her down, hot metal digging into her wrists and stomach, his face so close she can see every scratch and dent in the metal, all the repainted sections of the rune on his forehead. Distantly, she thinks, Judo? No, that throw… Karate. 

She's panting, but his voice is completely even as he leans back, still right on top of her. His full weight is suffocating. "Your reaction time-"

"I know." She cuts him off before he can finish telling her she's slow. "There's not much I can do about it without using cursed energy." 

"Mm." He gets off of her with a creak of springs and hinges. "Should we use cursed energy, then?" 

"Only if you promise not to use your cannons," Kasumi jokes. 

"That would kill you," he says casually. Yikes . "I'll practice hand-to-hand. That'll be more than enough for today."

Her grip tightens on her sword and she swears to herself that she'll win one round. Just one. "Alright," she says. "You got it." She gets into stance. Takes a deep breath. Closes her eyes. Focuses… flows… casts outward… a bubble of safety… her Simple Domain blooms up around her, and the rest of the world muffles, just the tiniest bit. This time, she'll let him charge forward, dodge, and let his own momentum carry him off balance. Then, she'll strike.

She opens her eyes. "Ready." 

This time, when he passes the barrier, she's ready for him. The automatic hit forces her arms forward in one fluid strike - and it hits, and she dodges - but it bounces off his arm with a dull clang as he blocks, and he kicks her leg out and throws her and then she's on the ground, coughing.

He doesn't bother pinning her this time, just hauls her to her feet. Kasumi leans on her knees and tries to catch her breath. Her back stings. 

"You're taking this seriously, right?"

"Hey, ouch!" Kasumi blows her hair out of her eyes, trying and failing to smile. "Of course I am! Give me a couple more tries." 

"Sure." 

This time, Kasumi strikes first. He tries to slip by her, but she steps hard on the right and turns, aiming for his head. He dodges - ducks down and sweeps her legs out again, and her Simple Domain shatters and she falls to the ground, grappling for a place on the top. She's not a bad grappler skill-wise, especially compared to Mechamaru who seems to just be grabbing limbs at random, but fighting a robot is like trying to hold up a hydraulic press. He overpowers her effortlessly. 

"You haven't been working on any ranged techniques, have you?" Mechamaru asks. 

"No," Kasumi says, maybe a little too forcefully. "Let me try again." 

They try about a dozen more times. Each time, Kasumi eats dirt. 

It's just not fair. There's no way she can be expected to win against a literal robot! How is he so powerful? As time goes on, she feels jealousy grow poisonous in her gut at his effortlessly even strength, his fluid technique, his speed, the effortless takedowns he administers again, and again, and again. 

Well, whatever, she thinks, as she strikes again and takes an insultingly light blow to the sternum. When she's out there fighting cursed spirits, the world won't be fair. What's fair? That Mechamaru was born a freaking golden prodigy with a Heavenly Restriction that gives him functional invulnerability and enough cursed energy to run a city? No, Kasumi has to keep her head down and work. She has to get stronger and win, so she can go on missions - get money - succeed. 

But how the heck is she supposed to succeed when she can't - stop - losing? 

Kasumi's back hits the ground for what feels like the billionth time, and she wheezes, turns her head and grits her teeth in pain and frustration. Her breath struggles in and out past the pathetic lump in her throat. 

"Alright," Mechamaru says. "That's enough. Let's take a break." 

"What? No! I'm not tired," Kasumi protests, scrambling to her feet. 

"Take a break," he repeats. 

"I don't need one," she insists, shaking her legs and arms out and taking a few quick, deep breaths. "I gotta push my limits every day! You know?" 

He cocks his head at her. 

"Come on, I'm ready." She gets into stance again, plastering a grin across her face. "Fight me!" 

"...You're only human. This isn't fair. Sit down."

"There's no such thing as fair in a fight."

"Sit down." 

Kasumi groans, but she drops her training sword in the dust and shuffles over to where she left her water bottle, collapsing into the shade. Mechamaru comes to stand beside her, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His outfit is dirty, but he's otherwise unruffled. Kasumi, on the other hand, is a panting, sweaty mess. The air is hot and stagnant and hard to breathe and she would much, much rather be inside with a fan pointed in her face. 

She takes a long drink of lukewarm water, puts the bottle down on her lap and stares in. Her breath echoes flatly. The air inside is warm and humid, and her fingers cast shadows through the clear blue plastic. Everything aches and pulses with the force of being slammed into the ground repeatedly. Luckily, she doesn't feel concussed. She doesn't know if she could stand having brain damage on top of it all. 

"Why are you even sparring with me?" she mumbles. 

"What?" He creaks as he turns, throwing geometric reflections of sunlight onto the wall. 

"Why are you sparring with me?" she repeats, screwing the cap back on her water bottle and scooching over to lean against the wall. "In your free time, too. Just… doesn't seem like you'd get much out of it." 

"I could say the same for you," he says. 

"Oh, I can read and learn your moves. Just… can't do 'em." She sighs. "But you… I mean, what's the point? You're semi-first-grade, Mechamaru. Why don't you spar with someone with real skills?" 

Mechamaru shrugs. "Maybe I wanted to switch things up." 

Kasumi's stomach twists. "Right," she says, and her voice comes out dry. 

Mechamaru makes an indistinct noise and turns his gaze towards the sky, the wispy clouds hanging lazily in the air. "Does it frustrate you?" he asks. "Being weak?" 

Kasumi freezes. 

She would be angry. She feels like she should be angry. But he sounds so genuine. As if he's just too naive, as if he's always been so powerful he has no idea how hard she's worked, the depth of her failure. As if it might not have occurred to her at all that she might just be a useless, mediocre excuse for a sorcerer for the rest of her life. As if she's really that stupid. 

She manages not to sigh, staring fiercely down at the threadbare patches in the knees of her pants. She opens her mouth to say - something, to deny it or make a joke, but all that comes out is a quiet, "Um. Yeah." 

"Me too," he says, achingly earnest. 

Kasumi looks up at him, eyes so wide they sting. He just stares at the sky, arms crossed, one foot against the wall. 

Kasumi looks at the sky too. "You shouldn't say that about yourself."

"Why?" 

"It's ungrateful."

A harsh exhale. "Excuse you." 

"I'm not kidding! Mechamaru, you can blow up buildings. You can jump, like, five stories. You can punch through steel and you have a retractable chainsaw built into your arm. You're the second strongest person in this whole school, except Todo, and we all know he doesn't count. You make heaps of cash and you don't even have to risk your life."

"Well, maybe I didn't ask for all that." 

"So?" she replies. "You are strong. What more could you possibly want?" 

A half-breath escapes him. He makes a mechanical gesture, a slight tilt of the head and shoulders. 

The curl of acrid jealousy in Kasumi's gut sparks and ignites into sulky anger. "You know what," she says, "I have homework to do. I'll see you later." She gets up to leave on aching legs, dusting herself off and going to fetch her training sword.

"Wait," Mechamaru says. 

She turns to look at him. The sun glares off his head and makes his shadow look harsh, but when he speaks, his voice is soft and almost pleading. "You said you wanted to go on better missions, but you couldn't because of your rank?"

"Yeah." A gust of wind blows Kasumi's hair so it tangles in front of her face. She brushes it away, scraping her feet along the packed dirt of the training ground.  

"I'll chaperone you," he says. "Hell, I have a mission tomorrow, if you want to come along. Consider it a favour. Only if you want to." 

For a second, she doesn't register the offer - and then the heat of anger in her gut turns to a warm glow of guilty gratitude. "Really?" Kasumi says, a wide grin spreading across her face. 

"Yeah," he says, sounding relieved. "Yeah. Of course."

"You're the best." Kasumi grins as wide as she possibly can at him. "I'd love to! Just text me the time and place, and I'll be there!" 

"Will do," he says - and pauses. "Are you still heading out?" 

"Well, yeah!" Kasumi says. "'Specially since I got a mission to rest up for!" 

"Sure." Mechamaru's smile is audible. "I'll guess I'll see you around."

Chapter Text

Out of all the parts of going on a higher-grade mission that Kasumi would have guessed would cause problems, prep was not one of them. But maybe that shouldn't be so surprising - Kasumi hasn't had to do mission prep higher than third-grade since the Night Parade last year, and even then she wasn't doing much. She debates about what to wear, what to eat, even whether or not to do her morning workout in case it burns too much energy. Should she stretch? Should she jog? Rest? Train? Meditate? Should she even be worrying about this stuff too much? 

As she wolfs down a bowl of cereal and a protein shake in the caf, she thinks the problem is that she doesn't know what type of spirit it is. It must be something Mechamaru knows she can handle, right? He wouldn't have invited her otherwise. Still, she pulls out her phone, wipes her fingers on the cereal box and texts him: What grade of spirit are we fighting today? 

I don't know does it matter.

Huh?? Of course it matters, are you really planning to go in blind? 

There aren't many curses I can't handle, he says, and pauses. Do you want me to double check.

Yes please! 

It can't be that powerful, right? Kasumi hopes it isn't, anyway. She's already about to jump out of her skin from jitters, and she doesn't know if she (a squishy third-grade sorcerer) has it in her to face anything too impressive. On the other hand, would they even assign Mechamaru missions for fourth-grade spirits? Probably not, right? It's probably third-grade or - 

Alright they estimate grade two possibly semi one.

Kasumi reads that a few times to make sure she isn't hallucinating it. Seriously???? 

Is there a problem. 

Uh, yeah, there's a problem! Kasumi's gonna get freaking squished like a gross little blue bug! Mechamaru I'm literally grade 3 ;-; 

I'm semi one so it's fine. 

For you, maybe, but I'm gonna die! 

A pause. He starts typing, stops. Starts again. I won't let anything happen.

Are you sure?? 

Yes of course I'm sure Miwa, he says, and she's not really sure if he's annoyed or comforting her. I promise I will keep you safe. 

"Good morning," Kasumi says, jogging over to the front gate with a cheery grin. "You look like Mai."

From where he's leaning against the gate, arms crossed, head bowed, Mechamaru twitches and looks up. "What? How?" 

"Standing there all like," Kasumi imitates his pose and makes a stoic face, "you know?" 

"...I guess," he says. "The car is almost here. We have to wait a little bit."

"Oh. Okay! So…" She casts about for a topic. "Nice weather today, huh?" 

Mechamaru looks up at the overcast gray hanging low over the forest, the tree branches in sharp silhouette against the silver sky. "I wouldn't know," he says. 

Kasumi blinks at him. "Wh… pardon?" 

"I'm inside. Remember? What temperature is it out here?" He pauses. "The air feels dry." 

"It's… not," Kasumi says. "But good effort! Ten outta ten."

"Mm." 

"Right!" she tries again, her smile wearing a little thin at this point, "I guess asking about the weather is boring anyway, right? How are you doing today?" 

He doesn't answer.

"Pretty bad, huh?" she half-jokes. 

He shrugs. 

She makes a sympathetic noise. "Anything I can do? Do you wanna talk about it?" 

He stays silent for a solid fifteen seconds, then says, "Not really." 

"Oh. Well, I hope it gets better!" 

"Mm."

A gust of wind blows through the trees and leaves the gate quiet again.

"Anyway," he says. "Are you all ready?" 

"Y- yeah! I think so! I have my sword and everything," she says, double-checking just to make sure. She hesitates, unsure how to broach the topic of money, then decides to just go for it. "How much are they paying us?" 

"I didn't check." He didn't check? Of course he didn't check. Kasumi is surrounded by rich people. "It's second-grade, so maybe… two hundred thousand yen?" 

"T… two hundred thousand?" Kasumi swallows. "What are you gonna spend your half on?" she asks, trying oh so hard to sound casual. 

"You can have it." 

What. 

The. 

Heck. 

"Excuse me," she splutters. "But - aren't you - it's a hundred thousand yen! Don't you need that money?!" 

"For what?" he asks. "Spare parts? A Netflix subscription? Cost of living? Jujutsu High sponsors all that stuff for me." 

"Your… Netflix subscription?"

"Out of pity, I think."

"That makes no sense," Kasumi says, trying to think of what on Earth kind of pity could convince Utahime to pay for Mechamaru's Netflix. 

"Right?" He doesn't elaborate. "Anyway, yes. You can have all the money." 

"Nope, nope, nope, no way. Absolutely zero chance! I can't accept it," Kasumi says, shaking her head vigorously. 

"Is it not enough? I'll pay you another ten thousand for keeping me company." 

"Well, now you're just teasing!" Kasumi blushes. "We should split it halfway." 

"Halfway? So I get half the money?"

"Yep!" Finally. 

"And I get to do whatever I want with that money?"

"...Yes?" 

"Then I choose to put it in your pocket," Mechamaru says. "Fair and square."

Kasumi splutters. "I-" 

"You don't have to refuse," he says. "If you hate money so much, give it to your family or whatever."

"It's not that! It's just- ah!" Kasumi's whole face heats up. 

"Come on," he says, his voice warm. "It won't bite."

"...Thank you," Kasumi manages to eke out. 

"You are welcome," he says. "Now, I believe the assistant manager is outside with the car."

If someone had asked Kasumi to picture a creepy abandoned shopping mall this morning, she probably would have gotten something close to this, right down to the boarded-up windows and the broken light-up sign. It looks moldy and gross and dark, the sign out front dented and most of the store names graffitied over. 

"Well," Sugimoto says, "this looks like the place. You two get going, I'll put up the curtain." 

Mechamaru motions wordlessly for Kasumi to follow him. She does, also silent. Something about the cut-metal shape of the shopping mall imposes on her, and it doesn't feel appropriate to make noise. As they head into the parking lot, Kasumi treads heel-toe. As if she could avoid disturbing the spirit she can already sense inside, leeching mold and anxiety into the air. 

The curtain slowly descends behind them, dying everything a dark, sickly shade of pink. The air starts to feel foul. Mechamaru lets out a long sigh. 

"You okay?" 

"Never better," he says drily. "Alright, cover me."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm a ranged fighter, ideally, but this is a close-range environment. As a defensive melee type, you're on the lookout." He pauses. "But, actually, I'll take point." 

Ha. Right. Way to give her a useless position, then rub it in her face how useless it is. Kasumi nods, though, and puts a hand on her sword. "Got it." 

"If worse comes to worst, I will protect you as we retreat. Your safety is the most important factor." 

"I can take care of myself," she says. "So don't worry about me!" She grins and puts a hand on her sword, her heart quickening. 

"I'm sure you can," he says, "but just in case, promise me you'll retreat if I tell you, no questions asked."

"You got it. And the spirit?" 

"Mm. A few windows confirmed it. Apparently some teenagers wandered in here and disappeared a few years ago." Kasumi shudders. Mechamaru doesn't seem to take notice. "The residents and windows report seeing these huge, undulating shapes inside, plus a weird roaring noise. So by my reckoning, one main spirit, maybe snake-like - the windows reported it being very large. It's probably caused a cluster infestation, as well. Basically it's a textbook exorcism. Fight our way in, kill the spirit, and leave." 

"Aha," Kasumi says. "Easier said than done." It seems like something someone who knows what they're doing would say. 

"Isn't it always," Mechamaru agrees, and Kasumi wiggles her toes, pleased at herself. "Does that all sound okay?"

"Yeah. Just one question."

"Shoot."

"Why are you telling me this just now?" 

He doesn't answer. 

"Mechamaru, did you forget to brief me?" Kasumi teases. 

"...So are you ready to head in?" 

They head in with Kasumi still laughing quietly. She follows Mechamaru closely, staring mostly at his head so she can avoid looking at the mall. In the pink light, his eyes are toned to a muted greenish brown, the bronze of his head almost fleshy-coloured.

The door practically falls apart under his hand. As they step through the doorway, the smell of mold hits Kasumi like a train and she gags. 

"What?" Mechamaru asks. 

"It smells gross in here," Kasumi says, pinching her nose while she tries to get used to it. Gross, the back of her tongue feels slimy. "Damp, like mold." 

He takes a second to respond. "Hmm. No place like home."

"Pardon?" 

"Never mind." 

They pass the escalator down to the basement. There are a couple of shredded dance studio posters on a column nearby, and in a claw machine, something dark and leathery squirms among the prizes. Kasumi shudders and sticks a bit closer to Mechamaru. 

"This is a bit underwhelming," Mechamaru says. 

"What do you mean? This place is creepy!" 

"Wait until you've been in an abandoned hospital. Now that is… ugh." Oh, gosh, he sounds so cool. This is so worth the trek through a creepy, moldy mall. "Come on, let's check out the food court. It might be hanging out there." 

"Uh, okay, if you say so," Kasumi says. And she creeps forward behind him, one hand on her sword. She can feel her heart beating, her breath quickening in anticipation. 

They continue down the length of the mall. It gets darker. There aren't a lot of windows in here, just a semi-rotted ceiling made of foam tiles and some chipped LED lights. Everything is bathed in dim pinkish light. Every storefront is closed with those folding dividers, a few names still visible here and there through the grime - a hair salon, a bakery, a Subway. Kasumi wonders why a second-grade formed here. It doesn't seem like a place that had a lot of awfulness attached to it. Not while it was running, anyway. 

"Stay on your guard," Mechamaru warns her. "I don't see a lot of curses around. They usually attack by now. Something is off." 

Even now, Kasumi can see little darknesses curling around the edges of the lights, the abandoned benches, behind the graffitied posters. She shivers, grins. "What do you think it could be?"

"Shh." He holds up a hand. 

Kasumi looks around at the graffiti, the broken glass, dusty tiles, the hallway extending into darkness, but it all seems perfectly still. Except… 

"Miwa," Mechamaru says, "is that rumbling on my end, or in the mall?" 

Kasumi squints down the hallway and strains her ears. At first, she doesn't hear anything. Then - a low rumble, like a train going by, slowly getting louder. A shiver goes down her spine and she clutches her sword so tight it starts to hurt. "Yeah," she says, "I hear it too." 

"Shit," he says softly, and glances at her. "You're tense."

"Why are you paying attention to me right now?!" Kasumi hisses. 

"Alright, steady." He's right. Kasumi takes a deep breath - in through the nose, out through the mouth - and steadies herself, fixing her grip. "I think the spirit is coming down the length of the mall." The roar is getting louder. Louder and louder. "Firing itself at us, I bet. Listen."

"What do we do?!" 

It's so loud, so loud. The partitions begin to rattle. Mechamaru inhales as if he's about to explain - 

Then something huge and horrible whips around the corner and hurtles towards them, its mouth open in a grotesque roar.

Kasumi turns to run in the opposite direction. With a shout that she doesn't hear, though, Mechamaru lunges for her and knocks her off her feet, shattering the tiles under his own feet as he dives for the nearest shop - a hair salon. He twists and curls around her, but the impact is still jarring and leaves a huge dent in the partition. He scrabbles uselessly at it for a second - winds up to punch a bigger dent- 

Kasumi shoves him aside and draws, her blade whistling through the air and tearing through metal like tissue paper. Mechamaru rips the ends apart, grabs Kasumi, tosses her through. Kasumi feels glass shatter, and she goes stumbling and skidding across the floor of the hair salon, Mechamaru tumbling in after her. 

The spirit roars by.

It fills the hall entirely, dark green with tentacles and scales and hair and weird markings and it's undulating and the size of a whole train and then it's gone. And unfortunately, that's when she realizes where the rest of the minor spirits went, because they're yanked along in the spirit's wake, which dumps them all right on top of Kasumi.

They come pouring through the hole, all shapes and sizes, too many legs, their eyes beady and malicious. Mechamaru swears and holds up a hand to incinerate them, but there are too many, they're too close-

Before she can think twice, Kasumi's blade is already moving in a silvery flash. She cuts them down with picture-perfect form that would make her teacher proud, and it buys Mechamaru just enough time to make an explosion loud enough to rattle every piece of glass on the floor. Kasumi picks off the stragglers, shakes the gunk off her blade, and slides it back into her scabbard with a long, practiced breath. And then she laughs, a long, high, exhilarated laugh. 

They both take a second, instinctively moving back-to-back just in case there are any more. Mechamaru says something, but it's inaudible over the ringing in her ears. 

"Pardon?" Kasumi says. 

"I said, are you alright?" 

"Oh! I'm more than alright, that was crazy! Bit covered in glass though. And my ears are ringing. Remind me to bring earplugs next time." 

"Oh!" He shouts to make himself heard over the ringing. "My bad!" 

"No worries. How about you?" She asks it more as a formality, and to distract herself from how her hands shake and the thoughts of being trapped in a creepy abandoned mall with that even creepier thing. She only caught a glimpse of its face, but it looked uncannily human, just… furious.

"I'm fine!" he says absentmindedly. "Obviously." 

"Obviously," Kasumi echoes. 

"That thing is not second-grade!" Mechamaru says. "Easily semi-first or first in terms of raw power. It doesn't seem too smart, but… Christ." 

Kasumi's breath comes quicker. She grips her sword tighter, feeling sweat drip across her skin like an insect crawling. She wipes it off and scans the darkness of the salon for threats, catches nothing but her own reflection in abandoned dusty mirrors. Her eyes are wide, her teeth bared in a fierce grin that she didn't realize she was wearing. "We can deal with it, right?" 

"We'll be fine. I've killed worse." 

"Then what should we do?" 

"Ah. Normally I'd still try, but I'm experienced and my life isn't on the line." Wow, he sounds so calm. Cool. "We may have trouble leaving again now that it's active. It's up to you." 

Kasumi swallows. Honestly, she wants to get rid of that thing. But on the other hand, fighting it seems utterly impossible. It's like an undead bullet train. Even now she can hear the glass rattle as the roar starts up again from the same end of the mall. She swallows hard, berating herself for getting emotional at a time like this. Steady, Kasumi. Breathe. Stay calm. Think of all the dinners you're gonna be able to afford for this. She bets Satoru Gojo wouldn't be scared of this thing. He'd kill it with a flick of his finger. That'd look pretty funny, huh? 

"Miwa, whatever you decide, do it quickly! It's coming around again." 

She swallows again. "If I mess up, can you still beat it?"

"I think so. If I'm lucky. If all else fails, we can sacrifice Mechamaru for your escape."

"We are not doing that," Kasumi says, trying to sound surer than she feels. The glass rattles. Her head hurts. The roaring grows. Think of the money, Kasumi. "You said Mechamaru's like a prosthetic limb. You need it." 

"I can live without it for a couple of days, and if one of us is going to be damaged I'd rather it be the one that'll need spare parts and not spare organs."

"Fair point." The metal starts to rattle too. Kasumi's ears hurt. She really needs to bring earplugs next time. "Let's at least try." 

"Good choice." (She blushes.) "I'll give it a shot first. You deal with the surge while I cool down." 

"On it." She steps in to cover him, taking an extended stance. Her grip shifts a little too high on her scabbard, and she corrects it self-consciously, heart in her throat. Mechamaru nods and takes his own stance, braced for kickback with his arm out, aiming between his fingers like he's sighting down a shotgun. The roaring grows and grows until it's almost too loud to bear. 

Absentmindedly, Kasumi wonders if this will permanently damage her hearing. She hopes not. She focuses, though, and takes a long breath, pushing cursed energy down from her core through the tips of her fingers, through her palm into her sword, until she can feel the blade like a part of her body. In the back of her mind, a small part of her is thinking - this is it. For real this time. You're going to kill this thing. 

Mechamaru fires.

The explosion makes full and fiery contact. The cursed spirit screams and convulses, smashing through glass and metal, upwards and sideways, thrashing and screeching so loud that Kasumi can barely hear Mechamaru swear. It looks unstoppable, smashing through walls and sending showers of sparks through the air. 

Kasumi flinches back. Mechamaru steps forward, and as it lunges, he catches it. 

The floor shatters under his feet. The spirit roars deafeningly loud. Mechamaru yells back. He grabs both sides of the spirit's mouth and slams it shut, decks it in the centre of its ugly face. That single punch blows the spirit's head halfway back across the aisle. A second errant swing makes a crater the size of a refrigerator in the floor. Mechamaru's arm is rearranging itself almost constantly - a claw. A cannon. A hook. A hand. Longer. Sharper. Spinning, glowing. The human shape of his body becomes disjointed, growing into something that looks more like a moving weapon. His jaw unhinges. His arms rearrange themselves. His legs extend. Every motion is efficient and sharp and alien. 

Ranged fighter, my butt! Kasumi thinks. He's good at everything! 

The spirit is fast, though, and after it recovers from its initial shock it takes the advantage, smashing him into the wall with its tail. He makes a choked noise, but he's up again after a moment, his left cannon sputtering to life. The spirit roars and lunges. He points his cannon into its mouth even as it moves to swallow him, unflinching- 

An arm from seemingly nowhere lashes out and slams his cannon arm to the ground. There's a deafening roar of flame. A pillar of light consumes the room from floor to ceiling. Kasumi can't even hear the hoarse cry that tears its way out of her throat. When it fades, Mechamaru's arm has been torn off, and he's scrambling backwards, the broken sections of his shoulder twitching and hissing loudly. He keeps his eyes on the spirit and he says, "Miwa, retreat!" 

It takes her a moment to realize he's even talking to her. 

He fields three more heavy blows, staggering under the weight. "Miwa, did you hear me? Get out of here, go! Miwa, for fuck's sake, what are you doing?!" 

But it's too late. They're committed. 

She shakes her head and grips her sword, suddenly very calm. She can do this. She has a shot. She breathes in slowly… 

The spirit's eyes flick to her, and with a rumble, it slides its head in her direction. Mechamaru yells, look at me you ugly bastard, I'm the one you want, hey, hey! and hits it hard with his one remaining arm, but it ignores him. 

The spirit lunges for her. Kasumi dodges to the side and strikes, a straight and even slash, the swish of her sword inaudible past the unbearable screech of pain it gives. She slices cleanly through the spirit's left eye and down across its cheek to its body, where it exits on the other side with a ripping noise and a burst of rotten flesh that dissolves into even fouler cursed energy. Good. A clean hit. 

For a second, a sting of triumph - then the spirit's huge, bloodshot eyes focus on her. It roars, and Kasumi gets a close-up view of all of its teeth and an unspeakable whiff of its breath as it opens its mouth wide and lunges forward.  You could fit a car through that mouth, she thinks. Then: No, maybe more like a golf cart. And finally: Oh. I'm going to die. 

Something hits Kasumi's stomach and she goes flying across the room, landing hard on a surface that cracks beneath her. A brilliant flash of light and a terrific noise, and a shockwave that jars her jaw. The roaring stops. A charred smell fills the air. 

It takes Kasumi a few moments to get her head on straight enough to realize that Mechamaru just leapt forward, shoved her backwards, and directed the full force of his left cannon directly down its throat before its lips slammed shut on top of him.

As the dust clears and Kasumi's vision returns to her, she realizes the floor she's sitting on is clean. The explosion blew the broken glass all the way to the edges of the room. She's clutching her sword still, half-sprawled across the ground. The gutted remnants of the huge spirit are splattered against the walls, slowly hissing as they sublime into the air.

Mechamaru is nowhere to be seen. 

She scrambles to her feet, still unsteady. "Mechamaru," she calls, then, " Mechamaru!" in a panic, clambering out of the brand new gigantic hole in the partition. A few straggling spirits attack her. She decimates them without a thought, turning in circles. Cursed flesh squelches underfoot, letting off foul, humid rot - larger chunks and a fine bloody mist splattered on the wall - wreckage, shrapnel, glass, scorched tile- "Mechamaru, are you there?! Can you hear me?!" 

There's a squelching noise, a tearing noise, a horrible waft of rotting smell and Mechamaru tears his way out of the cursed spirit's soupy gut-flesh, groaning. 

"Mechamaru!" Kasumi cries, falling back and sheathing her sword. 

He yanks one unsteady foot out onto the floor with a squelch - the other - and tries in vain to brush off the filth. He's holding his broken right arm in his other hand. As he shifts, some metal bits clatter to the ground, and his form slowly rearranges and collapses and grinds itself back down into a human shape. She looks up at him, hair and suit caked with cursed remains. 

"That," Mechamaru says breathlessly, "was incredibly stupid." 

She can't help but laugh. A moment later, he joins her, relief plain in his voice. His voice sounds different when he's laughing, and it hits Kasumi then for a moment that his voice is real, that the distortion is just because he might as well be on the other end of a phone line. They laugh for a minute, then taper off into stunned panting. 

A sting of pain distracts her for a second, and when she checks, there's glass in her palm. She doesn't remember getting it at all. Maybe the adrenaline blocked it out. As she comes down, she's starting to tremble, and she's noticing all sorts of little things she didn't see in the battle - like the weird leatheriness of the cursed spirit's skin, or the way its face kinda looked like one of those green heads from Spirited Away, or the absolutely disgusting smell radiating off it. And how sore she is. Ow.

Wait, holy crap. She killed that thing. Or, she helped anyway, but that huge sunken slash across its face was her. It doesn't even feel like she did it. But she did, with her own blade. It was scary. She was scary. She was scary.

"Miwa?" 

She looks up at Mechamaru, who's looking a lot cleaner as the cursed energy begins to disintegrate off him. "Pardon me?" she asks.

"I said, are you okay?" 

I'm fine, I think." She tries brushing herself off, then winces and stops as her glassy palm protests. "I got glass in my hands, and a bit bruised. And my ears are ringing too." Yeah, she's more than a little dizzy. 

"Did you hit your head?"

"Uh, nope?" She feels around for sore spots, finds none. "No, I don't think so." 

"Any broken bones? Are you bleeding? Anything you need the hospital for, that we can't patch up at Jujutsu High?" 

"Nope, and only a little bit, and no." 

"Good." He offers her an arm. "Come on, let's get out of here." 

She lets out a giggle. "Amen to that! We did it!" 

As he helps her limp to the entrance, he hesitates, then says, "...That was pretty cool." 

There it is. "Heck yeah it was!" she says, grinning wide. "We did amazing! We kicked total butt together!" 

"And now, we get two hundred thousand yen." 

"And now we get two hundred thousand yen!" she cries gleefully, jumping up and down, uncaring how her feet ache. Her joyful voice echoes against the empty mall walls. "Mechamaru, you need to take me on these more often." 

"Yes, well… once you're healed, we'll see." He's smiling. He's actually smiling, she can hear it.

"That's not a no!" she prods.

"It's not a yes either. It's a we'll see." 

"But it's not a no, though." 

He lets out an exaggerated sigh. "No, it's not a no."

Kasumi pumps her good fist in the air. "Victory!" 

Mechamaru laughs. His laugh is staccato and boyish, and it fits him perfectly. "I don't think you understand what we'll see means." 

"It means I get to annoy you until you finally give in!" 

Mechamaru tries to stare at her, but eventually he cracks up. It's not even that funny. Kasumi laughs too, though, high on adrenaline and victory, and that's how they exit the building - bruised, bloody, filthy, exhausted, and laughing. 

Chapter Text

"I don't believe you," says Mai, but Kasumi can hear a hint of humour. "You're fucking with me." 

"I'm not! It's crazy, I know, but I swear it's true!"

"Nope! Nope, nope, nope. You're making it up," she says, throwing her head back. 

"I dunno," Momo says. "Mechamaru, you were there, right?"

"I was," Mechamaru says. 

"Well, was it like that?" 

 "Pretty much. I believe she forgot to specify how irresponsible and reckless that move was." 

"Oh, come on! It was cool! I was cool!" Kasumi complains, light-hearted. 

"I'm gonna need some time to get used to that concept," Mai laughs. 

"Maiiii!" 

It's a rare day when all seven Kyoto Jujutsu High students are in the same place at once, and an even rarer day where they're there by their own free will. Maybe it's the rising pressure now that the semester's drawing closer to a close, or maybe it's just that nobody wanted to give up their claim on the training grounds, but they all seemed pretty pressed for a break - so when Momo offered to buy them all snacks from the vending machines, every single one agreed (except Mechamaru of course). 

Now they're sitting by the edge of the training grounds, lounging and eating and drinking. Well, except Todo - he's off doing push-ups furiously in the far corner. Everyone tries to ignore his endless counting drifting across the dusty grounds. "Five hundred thirty-six, five hundred thirty-seven…" And, of course, since Mechamaru can't eat or drink and doesn't seem all that interested in lounging, he's just sitting there. His right arm has been reattached since yesterday's fight, but is still crumpled and crushed, hanging motionless by his side. 

"I believe you," Nitta pipes up, clutching his apple juice tight. 

"Thank you, Nitta!"

"It would be pointless to make up a story so outlandish," Kamo points out, looking very out of place with his stately robes, Mountain Dew and M&Ms. Supposedly, it's because he just got his blood drawn and needs to get his blood sugar back up, not because he actually likes it - this seems true since with every sip of his Mountain Dew, his face twists in pained disgust. A reddish tinge creeps across his left eyelid as he pushes his body to overproduce blood cells. 

"I guess I'm outvoted," Mai shrugs. 

"It would have still been true even if none of you believed me!" Kasumi protests. 

"I'm still surprised Mechamaru allowed you on a mission with him," Kamo says, taking a sip of his Mountain Dew and looking profoundly pained. "He dislikes teamwork." 

"You don't have to talk about me in the third person. I'm right here, you know," Mechamaru snaps. "And all I said is to back off on the lecturing." 

Kamo shrugs. "I'm just saying, if anybody was going to quote-unquote 'hold you back,' it would be Miwa, not me." (Kasumi tries to school her expression to be neutral. Keyword: tries.)

Mechamaru makes an irritated noise and sits up straight. "You-"

"Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Mai mutters.

Mechamaru takes a sharp breath as if preparing to lay into Mai, but Kasumi cuts in. "Both of you, please," she pleads, praying that this whole miracle meet-up won't go sideways. 

Mai shrugs. Mechamaru looks at her pointedly, but withdraws. Kamo stares into the distance. 

"Anyway," Momo says. "Are you two planning on any more team missions?" 

"Yes," Kasumi says, at the same time as Mechamaru says, "We'll see." In the confused silence that follows, Mechamaru clarifies: "She performed well, but it is almost the end of the semester, so…" Everyone nods in agreement, looks of stress and annoyance coming across their faces at the reminder of how much work there is to do.

"And you still have to pay me!" Kasumi reminds him. 

"I'll get around to it, cut me a break," he grumbles, light-hearted. "Missions are busy, you know." Well, no, she doesn't really, but all the third-years nod their weary agreement. 

"Speaking of studying," Kamo says, and then something completely incomprehensible which Kasumi soon realizes is him speaking English. Well… cool. She doesn't speak English well enough to understand what he just said. His accent sounds good, though. 

"Yeah, I agree," Momo says, "but some of the others can't speak English, so it wouldn't be fair to practice around them. Don't you think?" She gives him a pointed look. 

"Fair enough," Kamo says, holding up a hand in submission as he reaches for another handful of M&Ms. "Shall we schedule a time, then?" 

"Hah!" Momo laughs. "You want me to tutor you now, huh? You should be paying me for this, you know." 

"How much do you want?"

"I was joking."

He looks a bit confused. "Ah?"

"You could practice with me," Nitta says, hesitating. "If you want, I mean. Mine's pretty good." 

"Nah, sorry, Nitta. He's after me 'cause my dad is American," Momo says, taking a long drink of her Diet Coke.

"Oh! In that case, could I also…" 

While Nitta and Momo sort out their English tutoring sessions, Kasumi lies back on the boards, sighing contentedly. The sun is warm, and she tastes potato chips and juice on her tongue, as if she's at a birthday party. The chatter of the other students washes over her, half-heard, half-felt as a babbling of warm noise. 

"How's everyone doing on that research project?" Nitta asks. 

"I did it last year," Kamo says. "It was easy."

"Ahh, really? I struggled with mine," Momo says. 

"Maybe you wouldn't have if you chose someone with more than two pages of information about him." 

"Oh, shut up, Mai! Doing your own ancestor is cheating." 

"Kamo did it too!" 

"I'm doing Ashiya Sadatsuna," Kasumi says sleepily, hearing her own voice buzz in her throat. "I think it's fine. It makes the project better if you have more access to information, anyway." 

"You just want good grades," Momo laughs, poking her.

"Hey!" She squirms away. 

"I'm doing mine on Tengen," Nitta says.

"Nerd!" Mai laughs. 

Mechamaru makes an irritated noise. Kasumi opens her eyes and glances over at him. 

"That bad, huh, Mechamaru?" Momo takes a sip of her Diet Pepsi, smooths out her hair. "Godspeed." 

"I have other stuff on my plate right now," he says, shifting sideways and starting to adjust the plating on his banged-up arm. 

"Like what?" Kasumi asks. 

An awkward pause. 

"What are you all doing when we get back to training?" Momo asks pointedly, stretching. "I'm looking for someone to practice molding cursed energy."

"I'd join you," Kamo says. 

"Really? I appreciate it." 

"I'm doing cursed energy exercises too," Mai says. 

"And I'm doing katas!" Nitta chimes in. 

Kasumi smiles at his eagerness. "Me too." 

"I think I'm gonna go inside and have a longer break, actually," Mechamaru mutters, shoving his broken arm back to his side more violently than strictly necessary.  

"Cool!" Mai says, ignoring Mechamaru. "Miwa, don't you have to do some cursed energy exercises too?" 

"Hmm? Why would I?" Kasumi's hand finds the hilt of her sword, and she rubs it, feeling the rough cording under her fingertips. "I think my control is about the same level as my sword, and I wanna keep it even." 

"At a certain point, one gets diminishing returns from cursed energy development with no technique," Kamo says, tilting his head back as he looks at her. "Remember that." 

"Yeah, thanks," Kasumi says, unable to keep her voice entirely free of sarcasm. "I know I don't have a technique, but there's nothing I can do about that." 

"Don't feel too bad," Mechamaru says. "I'm working with generic energy too." 

"Only because you're literally too talented to improve," Kasumi complains. "Your puppet technique is beyond perfect, how am I supposed to match it with a freakin' sword?" 

"Yeah, and maybe I'd have more room to suck if I didn't have to literally maintain it 24/7, but we can't all have what we want, can we?" 

Kasumi blinks at him, leaning back. Was that… was that spite? But why? She's opening her mouth to ask him what she said to offend him, but Kamo interrupts her. "Have you tried developing your own technique?" 

"...My cursed energy isn't suited to it," Kasumi says, sighing. "I mean, I can do stuff, but it's all just gimmicks."

"Don't underestimate gimmicks," Mechamaru says. "It's possible to weaponize and automate them with some creative application of principles."

"Really?" Nitta's eyes are bright. He shifts closer. "Like what?"

"Hmm. Recently I've been theorizing that it's possible to share cursed energy between individuals, if done correctly."

"How would it work?" 

"Here we go again," Mai murmurs, too quiet for Mechamaru to hear. 

"Well, essentially…" But Mechamaru's voice dies out. He clears his throat. "Um, excuse me for a moment." 

"You okay?" Nitta asks. 

"Fine," he says, a little too casual. And the soft static in the background of his voice cuts off sharply as he mutes himself and goes still. Kasumi frowns, a prickly feeling growing in her stomach. 

"Well," Mai says, "I'm gonna get back to training. Kamo, you coming?" She gets up, brushes herself off, crumples up her chip bag and tosses it at Nitta. "Throw that out, would ya?" 

Nitta bats it away. "Hey, don't look at me. I'm leaving too." 

"I'll take care of it," Kasumi says, mournful that their little meeting is coming to an end. "I'm gonna stay a little longer." 

"Suit yourself." 

Nitta hands Kasumi his empty apple juice bottle and the chip bag with an apologetic smile. Kamo sets his Mountain Dew bottle and M&Ms beside her. "You can have the rest of the candy." 

"Hey, thanks! Good luck training. I'll see you in a bit." Kasumi watches them leave, then lies back again and closes her eyes. 

For a while, she drifts, but she keeps thinking about how much work she has to do until she's not really in the headspace to nap anymore. Eventually she sits up and stretches, yawning. Mechamaru is still hunched over in the same position as before. 

"Mechamaru?" she asks cautiously. 

For a second, she thinks he isn't coming back online, until the background hum returns and he mutters, "What?" 

"Wondering if you were asleep."

"Oh," he says haltingly. "I'm not. I - just - don't wanna talk right now."

"Uh, okay. I just wanted to know if everything is okay."

"It's fine," he says. "Where is everyone?" 

"They all left," Kasumi says. "I stayed to keep you company." 

"Oh. You shouldn't bother. I won't train today." 

"Okay. I'm gonna still stay for a few more minutes, though."

"Suit yourself." He goes silent again. Except… no, he doesn't. He forgot to mute himself. Kasumi falls silent, not wanting to bother him, but the sound of his breathing, it's… it's, well… it makes her worry. He tries to breathe evenly, counting under his breath, but at five his voice breaks and he lets out a pained whine, a deep breath, starts again, mutters to himself, something she can't hear, but he sounds upset.

She doesn't know he's doing, but he sounds pained. Like, really pained. As if he's been stabbed or something.

"Are you… you sure you're okay?" Kasumi asks. 

"Yes, of course I'm sure," he says, voice strained. "Stop asking."

 "Okay. You just… let me know if you need anything." 

"Whatever you say," he mutters, and mutes himself again. 

The worming worry grows. Kasumi frowns down at her hands. What if he's really sick? What if there's something really, really wrong? Normally, she'd trust him to know himself, but he seems like the kind of person who would minimize his problems until they got dangerous. Like, what if something's really seriously wrong and he just ignores it? Should she run and tell Utahime that something is wrong with him? Why would he be lying about being okay? 

She tries to bite down on the urge to speak, but the idea of him being in pain alone grates on her. "Is there anything I can do?"

He takes a moment to come back online. "What?" he asks, voice ragged. 

"Is there anything I can do, I said?"

"Some peace and quiet would be nice." 

"I just thought, um… you can tell me if there's something wrong, you know, I'm not going to judge you or anything. Do you need me to get Utahime-?"

" No !" he says forcefully. "No. Do not get Utahime." 

"Okay then!" She puts her hands up, surrendering. "What about moving? You could go somewhere quieter?" 

"Not right now." 

"Okay. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry this is happening to you, whatever it is." 

"Miwa. Please." His voice is tense. 

"Okay. Okay, I'm sorry." She turns back to her hands, wringing them in her lap and picking at her nail polish. He mutes again.

Todo is still counting. He's in the nine hundreds now. Kamo, Momo, Mai and Nitta are nowhere to be seen. Kasumi fiddles with Mai's crunched-up chip bag. 

"Stop that," Mechamaru groans. 

"Stop what?" 

"The. Uh. Crunching. Please. Stop it." 

"Sorry." She puts it down and sets Nitta's bottle on top to keep it from blowing away. "Is the noise bothering you?" 

"Stop talking also." 

"Okay, I will. I just - it might be better if you moved into a quieter place, you know? And Utahime might be able to-"

"Oh my God , Miwa, shut up ," he snaps. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you to shut up ?"

She recoils, mouth dropping open in shock. "I- excuse me? I was only trying to help, you don't have to swear at me-" 

"Well, you clearly don't know how to listen to polite requests, what the fuck else am I supposed to do? Just leave me alone! I already told you to leave me alone !" 

Her eyes well up, distorting her view of Mechamaru's slumped form. "I was trying to help-"

"When did I say I needed your help? Never . I don't need you to pity me, especially not if you show it by harassing me. I'm not a child, and I don't fucking appreciate being treated like one. Why are you even still here? I said I don't wanna fucking talk to you ." He gets to his feet abruptly. Even through her tears, Kasumi can't help but notice that he staggers, off-balance. 

Kasumi rises too, gaping at him. "Mechamaru, what-"

"No, enough-"

"No, you know what? You at least owe me an explanation for-"

He lets out a groan that turns into a cry of anger. "I don't owe you anything ! Leave me the fuck alone!" 

She falls silent, staring wide-eyed at him. She tries to say something, but her mouth has stopped working. She doesn't even know what happened . 

He turns tail and stalks away. She watches him go, her insides buzzing with hurt and agitation. He's out of sight before her first confused tears even have the chance to fall. 

Mechamaru's not in class the next day. 

She uses her free time to work instead. Her to-do list normally grows longer by the day (finish the last few pages of her notebook, read study material, watch that documentary, contact her teachers, finish her project, fix up her katana…) and it's good to watch it… well, not shrink, but stay the same length for one day, 'cause it's pretty clear she won't be able to finish it all if she keeps slacking like this. 

Her phone buzzes semiregularly. She checks it a couple times, but it's just Mai and Momo making plans they could very easily make in DMs. Probably trying to lure Kasumi out of training. Well, tough. She's training until she can beat Itadori in a contest of speed, dang it, and if it's not possible then she'll just have to keep trying forever.

She misses her basketball team. Is that weird? It wasn't exactly a winning team, but dang it, she was the captain and she always had work to do to fill the time. People looked up to her. She was stronger and more athletic than average. She could do stuff, be strong. She's almost forgotten what that's like, after two years at Jujutsu High behind the likes of Kamo and Todo and for Heaven's sake even Kusakabe. If he and Todo are like that, she doesn't even have the excuse of being lowborn. Maybe a few hours on the court again would give her the sense of personal success she itches for, the rush she hasn't felt since junior high. 

Nah, she'd probably be too rusty anyway. 

Mechamaru is there again the next day, his arm pristine and slightly shinier than the rest of him. He's sitting normally, but something about the absent stiffness of his pose lets her know something is wrong. She glances at him - he glances at her - he looks away. 

Kasumi sits down. 

When Utahime comes in, she tells Mechamaru, "Welcome back," and he doesn't acknowledge her. He might not even be in there at the moment. 

Today's class is independent work, so she practices her math and thinks the whole time about how she should be working on her project. She very pointedly does not look at Mechamaru, and he doesn't look at her, but she's pretty sure Mai can tell something's up with them - she starts to get antsy, spinning her pencil across her fingers, tapping her fingers on her desk. Kasumi can't help but do the same out of sheer anxiety. Mechamaru hunches into himself, completely still except for the slow, halting movement of his pencil. His notebook's not even a quarter finished. 

When they're dismissed, she half expects him to come up to her desk and say hi, but he just leaves. As she turns the corner to head back to the dorms, though, there's a tap on her shoulder. 

"Huh?" She turns to see Mai, cocking her head at Kasumi as if she's trying to decide if Kasumi's lying. "What's up, Mai?"

"I should be asking you the same thing," Mai says, raising an eyebrow. "What happened with you and Mechamaru? The air between you was fuckin' thick earlier." 

Kasumi ducks her head. "Was it that obvious?" 

Mai's eyes go wide. "Oh my God, you're blushing. Please do not tell me you kissed a robot." 

"No! No, no, nonono!" Kasumi laughs nervously, waving her hands. "We just had a… an argument, that's all. I'm sure it'll all work out." 

"Oh. What'd he do?"

"Nothing! I was just being annoying, so he yelled at me to go away. It really wasn't all that bad." 

"Are you serious? What a dick!" Mai says, staring after him. "I can't believe him. What is his damage ?" 

"Just drop it, Mai," Kasumi says. "How did your work go?" 

Mai's lip curls, but she nods. "It was alright. A little slow…" 

It doesn't matter whether Mechamaru's being her friend or not, Kasumi decides as she parts ways with Mai and heads to her dorm. The semester's drawing to a close and if she doesn't get all her work done to an acceptable level, it'll cut into her vacation time with her family, and that's unacceptable. So she finishes up her notebook, makes that call, watches that documentary. She doesn't even realize it's getting dark until she looks up and it's almost eleven. Oh, she missed dinner. Whatever, she thinks, as her stomach growls and that hollow pit grows. She'll wait for breakfast. 

Her hair is already damp by the time she starts her katas, in the square of the dreary training ground beside the wall that divides the Kyoto school from the administration buildings. The rain really starts coming down just as she arrives. Yeah, well, she thinks, ferociously cheerful, all the better to keep me cool. With the first swing of her sword, she can already tell this isn't going to be a good practice day - she feels weak and shaky. Did she even have breakfast? She can't remember - oh, crap, wrong order. It's stance, breathe in, draw… don't mess it up this time… 

"Hey." 

She yelps and unleashes a wild strike in the direction of the voice. It bounces harmlessly off Mechamaru's torso, and she backs away, sheathing her sword. "Oh. Sorry," she says warily. "Hi."

"Aren't you cold?" Mechamaru asks. 

Kasumi blinks rain out of her eyes. Is this guy for real? "Who cares?" she says, and shrugs, sheathing her sword and steadying her shaking hands on the hilt.

He stares at her for a second, little LED-green eyes piercing through the rainy fog. She stares back at him, petulant. Her nose turned up, knuckles red with cold on the hilt of her sword. 

"Sorry," he says. The word feels out of place, clumsy. The rain slowly intensifies, and his twisty scarf starts to droop as it gets wet. "I didn't mean… yeah. I'm not gonna make excuses. I fucked up bad. I get it if you don't want to be friends anymore." 

"Oh," Kasumi says instinctually. "That's okay. We all have bad days." 

They stand there for another second. Kasumi shuffles her feet in the mud and instantly regrets it as the mud leaks through her shoes.

"Um," she says. A trickle of freezing water makes its way past her collarbone. "I'm sorry too. I was worried, but I shouldn't have gone after you like that. I don't know the first thing about it anyway. I won't do it again. Friends?" 

"Friends," he says, sounding surprised. 

They stand there for a minute, letting the sky fill the silence. 

"...It's raining," Mechamaru says eventually, looking up at the rolling sheet of clouds. "Why are you outside?" 

She glances up at the sky and shrugs. "I'm a bit chilly, but I have to get this training in before the end of the day." 

"Just do it inside." 

"Not enough space, too many people." 

"Then do it tomorrow when the weather is nicer."

"Tomorrow I'll be working on my project," she explains impatiently. "Since it's my day off, I'll be too busy. I need to do my katas every day." 

"In the cold and wet? Please at least move under… uh… the… under there." He gestures at the building, above the door. 

"The awning? I'd break a pillar." She slides into stance, taking a deep breath to steady herself. Stance. Draw, wait. Strike. Turn. Her legs slide out of stance in the mud and she clenches her teeth against her rising frustration. "Anyway, it's not like it matters to you. You're waterproof, aren't you?" 

Another indeterminate noise, but he says nothing.

Stance. Draw, wait. Strike… dang it. Kasumi knows better than to look for distraction like this, since it's against the mentality or whatever, but listen, it's cold, okay? Cold and wet . She grapples with her disobedient, foggy brain to try and find something to talk about. Something that isn't… that . 

"What's on your mind?" he says. 

"Oh, it's - I wasn't going to ask," she says, fumbling her grip from nerves. "It's kind of a rude question. I'm sorry."

"No. Say it." There's something defiant in his voice, almost, something brittle and careful. He tilts his head gently to one side, giving the expressionless impression of examining her closely.

She takes a short breath, avoids his gaze and focuses instead on the building, right at her eye level. "What happened? You weren't yourself." 

He takes a short breath, hums thoughtfully. The rain patters down on his head, making ringing metal sounds. 

"Sorry," Kasumi says hastily. "You don't have to answer."

"No, it's fine," he says. "I'm just trying to think of the best way to explain it." 

He pauses. Kasumi wants to start her katas again, but she doesn't. She keeps her eyes focused away from him as the rhythm plays out in her head. Stance, draw, wait, strike, turn… 

"Um, you know… about my Restriction." 

"Yeah, I do." Utahime had explained it on the first day of school, when she'd introduced everyone to each other. This is Mechamaru. He has a Heavenly Restriction and can't get around easily, so he'll be using a robot to attend classes instead. Throughout the year and a bit she's known him, she's learned very little more.

"What do you know, exactly?"

"Well, um… I know a Heavenly Restriction is a Binding that's forced on someone at birth. I know yours makes your body weak, but your cursed technique strong. I know you, um…" She trails off, bites her lip. 

"Go on." 

"I know you can't walk or go outside. I know it's hard for you to move around. You miss a lot of school, and you're on life support and..." She exhales and brings her blade down, focusing on the wall in front of her. "It must be really bad," she says quietly. "If you're on life support." 

"Yea…h," he muses, "yeah… there's also the pain." He says it like it's self-evident. Like it's a proper noun. The Pain . "When it gets really bad - I mean, it's always really bad, but when I take heavy damage, like at the mall, then there's a delayed reaction where it gets really bad - I just… how do I explain it?" He shakes his head. "I don't know. It's… it's like… It's hard to explain. Things just get bad for me. They get really, really bad. But - I'm sorry. It's no excuse. I'm so sorry." 

"Oh," she says softly, and thinks about how he was missing for days and days after the wreck at the Goodwill Event. "I'm so sorry too." 

"Ah," he says, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "Save the pity, I've heard it all before." 

Kasumi nods, feeling the raindrops caught on her eyelashes tug with the motion. She looks up at him, stomach jittering, and catches his eyes. "Thank you for telling me," she says. 

"Yeah," he says. "No problem, I guess."

Kasumi gets back into position and restarts. He stands there, letting her think. Man, her hands hurt. What else is there even to say? 

…Oh. 

"Are you going to die?" she says quickly, before the shrinking in her stomach can stop her. "I mean - if you don't mind?" 

He pauses, the gentle pattering of the rain filling the silence. "That's a hell of a question," he says eventually. 

"I'm sorry. You don't have to answer."

He hesitates. "Everyone dies eventually, Miwa."

"And…?"

"And… look, it's complicated. It depends on a lot of different factors. But it will probably shorten my lifespan quite a bit, yes." 

"Oh, of course, yeah, I… just… yeah." Kasumi feels sick. She brings her sword down just inches from his shoulder, keeping her eyes on the way raindrops collect on it and run down the cloudy grey metal. He doesn't flinch. "I can't even imagine…" 

"Then don't. Just don't worry about it." 

"I'm sorry," she says. "I won't ask anymore." 

"No, it's actually fine," he says. "I guess I'm just torn. I mean, I'd like to tell you about it, but I don't want you to know. If that makes sense." 

"I don't understand," Kasumi says quietly. She tries to sheathe her blade - misses the scabbard and mentally kicks herself and her stupid shaky hands. 

"Why should I tell you?" he says shortly. "You'll pity me and I don't want that. But on the other hand, the only people who know anything about it are Utahime, my doctors, and fucking Panda. And I don't even like that guy." 

"You told Panda?" She blinks at him. 

"Yes. It was a Binding, to - to show my cards or whatever. It was a mistake. Listen, that's beside the point. It's just that if he knows, it's only right that you should know as well." 

"Me? Why?" 

"Because… you're my only friend?" 

And - oh. Oh, no. 

Because she hadn't realized. That's the thing. She knows that he doesn't really talk to people, that he pretty much spars and attends class and missions and runs errands and nothing else. She knows he doesn't have any friends. But it didn't hit her until now that he doesn't have any friends. 

Kasumi sheathes her sword, standing up straight to face him fully. She feels her cheeks go pink and hopes it's the cold. He stares back at her, face a cold metal mask - except his emerald green eyes.

"If you want to tell me about it," she says, "I'll listen." 

"Right now, all I want to tell you is to go inside," he says. 

Kasumi laughs. "Mechamaru…"

"Seriously. You're shaking. Did you even have breakfast?" 

"...I forgot." 

"Right," he says. "Come on. If it makes you feel better, think of it as helping you train more efficiently." 

Kasumi tightens her grip on her sword. 

"Come on," he says, and puts out a hand. Despite herself, she takes it, and it's warmer than she expects it to be. 

"Okay," she finds herself saying. "But just for twenty minutes."

He just looks at her, but somehow she knows he's smiling. "It's a start."  

Chapter Text

They walk to training together every day after that. It becomes a comfortable routine, worn in and soft. Kasumi still sees Mai and Momo, sure, but mostly she spends her time with Mechamaru, enjoying his calm, dry demeanour, swept up in the excitement of a new friendship. And it doesn't help that he's so dang gentlemanly about it, either - he carries her bags every day without fail, claiming that robot arms don't get tired. They usually walk to the training ground, then, if he's not busy or too tired, he sits around while she trains, working on other stuff on his end. Some days he even accompanies her afterwards and they hang out in the caf while she studies. Today is one of those days. 

"Hey, Mechamaru," Kasumi says, twiddling her pencil as she looks up at him. "You're good at trig, right?" 

There’s a moment of stillness, then he comes online with a whir and a staticky exhale. “Of course. I’m an engineer. Why?”

“I’m just… a little stuck on this question, that’s all.” She blushes, shrinking into herself. “It’s probably stupid, but could you let me know if I’m doing anything wrong?” 

“Sure.” He leans over and peers at the half-done trig question that’s been torturing Kasumi for the past ten minutes. “What are we doing here?” 

"Finding the length of BD." She points at the pesky line segment. 

He pauses for a moment. "Oh, that's–" easy , he was probably gonna say, but he stops himself. "You have to use the ratio from this angle–" He points– "on this line segment–" He points again– "to get the length of the shared segment, and then–"

"Yeah, yeah, I got that part. But how do I find the actual length of the line? Like, is there a ratio I'm missing? Or - I don't know. I tried calculating the angle of one of the corners using the two lengths, and - anyway, it didn't work. I checked my notes and everything, but there's nothing."

He pauses again. "You need to use the Pythagorean Theorem." 

Kasumi blinks and looks again at the second triangle. "Oh. Ohhhhh." She blushes, embarrassed. "Well, that was obvious. Thank you. Sorry." 

“Not a problem,” he says absentmindedly. He mutes himself again and sits down. 

Kasumi frowns. "You're muted."

He unmutes himself. "Yeah, I am. Is there a problem?"

"No, I'm fine with it. Are you okay, though?"

"Fine. I'm just texting someone." 

"Texting someone?" Kasumi looks confused at him. "Why do you have to mute yourself to text someone?" 

"I use speech to text when I can," he says. "Thought you might find it annoying."

“Oh!” Kasumi says. “That’s why you text weird!” 

Silence. He stares at her. 

“Oh, shoot,” Kasumi says, covering her mouth. “Was that-? I’m so sorry.” 

He stays silent for another moment. “Does it really come off as weird?” he asks stiffly. "Be honest." 

Argh! Curse Kasumi’s stupid mouth - if she says yes he’ll be hurt but if she says no he’ll think she’s lying. “Kamo texts weirder,” she says quickly. “It’s fine, everyone is weird here. You don’t stand out.” 

“Oh.” He laughs half-heartedly. “Yeah, he does text weirdly.” 

“Like he’s writing an email.” Woohoo! Situation successfully defused. 

“Yes, exactly like he’s writing an email!” Mechamaru laughs again, sounding relieved. “It’s so weird, right?” 

“So weird,” Kasumi echoes. “Anyway, who are you texting?” 

“Hmm.” He hesitates, but before she can take the question back, he answers. “Panda.” 

“Panda? Really? I thought you hated him.” She remembers very vividly him complaining about Panda being let into Jujutsu High at all. 

“Well…” Mechamaru says begrudgingly, “I changed my mind. He’s fine.”

“Just fine? You’re texting him in your free time.” She gives him a teasing smile and pokes at him with her pencil eraser. 

“Strictly on an academic basis,” Mechamaru protests. “We talk about cursed mechanics.” 

“Wow, smart.” She fidgets with her pencil. “Does that involve a lot of math?”

“Oh, you have no idea. There's calculus involved."  

“Urgh.” She slumps down, pressing her cheek against the cool wood of the cafeteria table. “I hate math.” 

"Good thing barrier techniques don't need calculus, right?" he says in a transparent attempt to cheer her up. "Your Simple Domain can be activated intuitively, but I'm sure you'd understand the math if you…" But she waves him off, and he gives up. “Well, anyway. You have been studying for a while, and you haven’t eaten since lunch,” he points out instead. “Maybe you should take a break.”

“I haven’t even gotten a single question on my own,” she says. “I can’t take a break now, I haven’t done anything.” 

“You don’t have to earn breaks. You just need them.” When that gets no reaction, Mechamaru sighs. “Maybe you’ll feel more effective afterwards.” 

“Nah.” She stands and stretches, down to her toes and up to the sky before plopping back down again and cracking her knuckles. “I just gotta buckle down and study. When is the quiz, again?” 

“Thursday.” 

“Uuuuuugh.” She feels her cheerful smile wilt off her face. “I’m never gonna get this in time.” 

“Don’t be discouraged,” he says awkwardly. “With your work ethic, I’m sure you’ll do great.” 

“Heh, I wouldn’t underestimate me,” she says, laughing over her frustration. “I’m pretty stupid.” 

“You’re not stupid.” Frowning again. “Where’d you get that idea?” 

Without quite knowing why, she glances around, but the caf is empty. She stares up into the warm lights and shakes her head. “I’m just really bad at school.” Another half-hearted laugh. “I always get bad grades except in gym. It’s okay, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” 

“Really? You always seem to do well academically, to me at least.” 

“Yeah… I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I’ve been getting better grades since I got here. Weird, right?” She smiles faintly. “Maybe it’s all the magic.”

He hesitates. “Pardon me if you don’t want to answer, of course, but how was your home life before you moved here?”

She blinks at him. “It was fine. Why?” 

“Were you sleeping and eating well?” 

“Kinda? I ate a lot of cup ramen, and I guess I sometimes stayed up late but never anything extreme.” 

“How about your free time? Were you busy?” 

“Oh, super busy. I had a part-time job and I was captain of the basketball team, and I had to take care of my little brothers.” She smiles, a little sheepish, but always happy to be reminded of Hiroki and Kenji. Ooh, speaking of which, she should really call Mom sometime soon and text Hiroki to make vacation plans. She grabs her planner to start writing that down. 

“You captained the basketball team?” 

“Yep!” She beams. “We won silver twice in a row. My teammates were all so skilled and kind... We were a good team.” 

“Well, congrats, but that does explain your bad grades. You didn’t have any time to study.” With a quiet chuckle: “I’m glad that worked, because I was about to start asking if your house had mold, and that’s a rabbit hole you do not want to go down.” 

She considers this with a quiet hum. “Well, I guess so, but it’s not like I didn’t have a choice.” 

“I suppose you could have quit your job or basketball. Why did you have a job at thirteen anyway? That's insane." 

Her stomach twists up in knots all of a sudden and she feels her face go hot. “Oh,” she says, “you know, just to get nicer things for the kids.” 

His expression doesn’t change but she gets the vibe he’s looking at her funny. “Miwa, you were a kid.” 

“I mean the real kids! My little brothers.” She smiles sheepishly. “I wouldn’t have quit anyway, or stopped taking care of them. I liked spending time with them a lot.” She feels the smile droop, though, and she sighs. “Ever since I got here, I don’t really talk to them anymore… I’ve only seen them in person once since the Night Parade, even, and my mom wasn’t happy with me for going out in the field like that so it wasn’t… ideal.” 

“Ah. That sucks,” he says gravely. 

“It’s fine,” she says, laughing over the heaviness in her chest. “I guess we’ll just have to go on missions so I’ll have more money to send to them. That’s a good excuse to keep in touch. Eh?”

“We’ll see,” Mechamaru says. “But in any case, childcare on top of basketball, school and a job would be a lot on anyone’s plate. Nobody could get their best grades like that.” 

“I guess,” she says, squirming. “I dunno. I guess.” 

“We don’t have to keep talking about it,” Mechamaru says. “But for the record, Miwa, I don’t think you’re stupid.” 

"Well, thank you. I don't... think you're stupid either?" She gives him an attempt at a smile to hide the squirming in her stomach. "I think you're actually really smart. And nice."  

He pauses. "Oh," he says, and his tone of voice does unspeakable things to Kasumi's composure. "Thank you."

From: Mechamaru. At 3:34 am. “Hey Miwa I know it’s late and you’re probably asleep but I could really use some company right now if you're free.”

She only sees the message when she wakes up at half past six. OMG I am so sorry, I was asleep! Are you OK? she replies. I’m still good to talk now if you need to!

He sees and starts typing right away. Kasumi cringes as she realizes he probably got three hours or less (none?) of sleep between 3:30 and 6:30. Thanks but it’s alright now. A pause, then a second message:  Panda talked me through it.

That’s good! Is everything OK?

He types - stops - types - stops. It’s under control but I won’t be around until probably Thursday.  

Oh no! I’ll miss you! :<

Likewise and good luck in math text me if you need any help. 

Are you sure? I wouldn’t wanna tire you out :<<

You aren’t tiring. 

Ahh thank you :> 

As promised, he doesn’t show up in class that day. It goes unacknowledged by everyone except for Mai, who gives his empty seat a little smirk. Kasumi gives her a look, but she just shrugs. She texts Mechamaru pictures of what they're doing in class that day, but he doesn't answer. She shrugs and gets on with her day - study, practice, eat, study, and between the output of cursed energy should be no greater than the wastage, and a Binding Vow between two people can result in unpredictable results including total loss of cursed energy, and the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides… 

…The decaying face of the mall spirit keeps popping into her head. At first, she figures it must be that she's upset about it, somehow - that it's trauma or something, like every sorcerer eventually gets. A funny feeling does invade her stomach every time she thinks of the way its face crumpled, Mechamaru's panicked swearing behind her. She finds her shoulders tensing up, her breath coming quicker when she thinks about the way the glass shattered, the partition tearing apart under her blade, the terrible noise, being thrown backwards - getting the notification of money transferred into her account. 

No, it's not trauma. Not even close.

Heyyy!! I know this isn't really the time but could we go on a mission sometime again soon when you're doing a little better? :>

Thursday morning, Kasumi doesn't even realize he's there until she looks up from her practice to give her eyes a break and catches a glimpse of coppery metal in the seat next to her. 

"Mechamaru!" she says, springing out of her seat to lean on his desk with a bright smile. "You should have told me you were back today! I missed you!" 

He looks up at her. "Oh," he says. "I thought I told you I would be back on Thursday." 

"Well, yeah, but you could come over and say hi!" 

"...Sorry. I'll do that next time." 

She can't help but laugh. "It's okay. I'm glad you're back. Hey, if you missed one more day you could have skipped the math test! Too bad." 

"I'd rather not have skipped it." 

His voice is flat, and he's not really getting more lively as he talks to her, so he's probably not all the way recovered yet. "Oh, really? Well, that's very responsible," she says. 

"Mhm."

She smiles at him and returns to her seat, humming over the nervousness coiled inside of her. 

"Got the answer for 3e yet?"

Mechamaru's voice startles Kasumi out of her reverie, and she looks up, focusing on him. His head is cocked to one side, reflecting the light from the cafeteria window. One hand is out, as if asking for something. 

"Um " Kasumi laughs defensively and tugs at a piece of hair behind her ears. "Sorry, pardon me?"

"Don't sweat it. Got the answer for 3e? I can look over it for you." 

"Oh, heh, no, no, I… I don't yet." She smiles half-heartedly and yanks a bit harder at her hair. "I've been distracted. Sorry!" 

He shrugs. "All the same to me. Let me know when you wanna take a break." 

Kasumi sighs and pulls her phone out of her pocket, flipping idly through a few apps and then thumbing at the spiderwebbing cracks running through the screen. "Yeah, a break sounds really nice right about now…"

"Take one, then. You'll focus better."

"I can't," she protests. "I'll do it when I'm finished this set."

He makes a slightly disapproving noise, but shrugs and settles down - or at least, settles down as much as possible on a flat cafeteria bench. "Is your phone screen broken? I can fix that for you, you know." 

"Hmm." She sets it away to the side. "Thanks, but I'm good."

"You sure? It'd be really quick. I have spares, Kamo uses the same model as you and he drops his all the time." And of course Kamo's the type to never want to use a broken phone… of course he'd get the screen replaced every time. What a waste. 

"It's… fine," Kasumi repeats with slightly less conviction, running her finger along the bumpy edge and thinking of how nice it would be to have a functioning keyboard and water resistance. "Don't trouble yourself, really…"

"I'd do it for free, if that's what you're worried about." 

Kasumi stiffens, grip tightening around her phone. She opens her mouth to reply, but the burn of shame in her face silences her, and she shuts her mouth again while she tries to think of something to say. 

"Considering it?" Mechamaru asks, and she can hear him raising an eyebrow, can hear his little smirk. 

"I'm fine ," Kasumi says forcefully. "I'd pay for someone to do it if I cared that much."

He shrugs. "Suit yourself."

After class on Friday, once the quizzes have been handed back, Utahime tells them all to head out to the training grounds for a drill with Nitta. Mai heads out right away, but Mechamaru comes up to Kasumi's desk first, lingering and shifting foot to foot. "How was it?" 

"Wow, straightforward!" Kasumi grins and pulls her paper out of her bag, turning it around to show him the slender red 85 on the top. 

"Hey, that's great, Miwa. Congrats." He's smiling, she can hear it. 

"Really?" She shrugs, turning away so she doesn't have to look him in the eyes. "I thought it was a little meh, especially since I had so much help studying but I still couldn't get that last question and it just felt so… obvious? I dunno. I could have studied more, I guess - I'm gonna aim for a 95 next time."

"Well, that's… a good work ethic, I guess. An 85 isn't bad, though." 

"I guess." She shrugs, sliding her paper back into her bag. "How did you do, if you don't mind?"

"...I'm exempt for the rest of the semester," he says. "Utahime's orders." 

Kasumi frowns. "Just before finals?" 

"I think that was the idea. She decided finals was an unnecessary risk." 

"A risk?"

"The stress. For my health." From the dry tone, she guesses that Mechamaru doesn't agree. 

"Ah. I'm sorry," Kasumi says with a sympathetic nod. 

"It is what it is, I guess. I'll just make them up over my vacation." He doesn't sound excited about that, either. 

"I guess," she agrees, and hoists her bag up onto her shoulder. "Come on, to the training grounds?"

"Mhm." He reaches for her bag and takes it right off her shoulder, like usual, and they head off out of the building towards the third training ground, the one with a track. Utahime and Mai are already out of sight and they'll probably get a dirty look for being late, but Kasumi doesn't really care. The air is getting warm and the sun is shining. It's a perfect day out. She takes a deep breath in and smiles. 

"So," Mechamaru says, as Kasumi waves at a passing sorcerer holding a mountain of paperwork, "now that the quiz is done, you have more free time?"

"I meannnn," Kasumi says, not exactly wanting to crush the carefully concealed eagerness in his voice. "I still have to train… and there's a real test not too far away…" 

"Fine, fine. Tell me you can at least afford to unwind, though." 

"I guess I could," she says thoughtfully. "What did you have in mind?" 

"Heh. You read my mind." He sounds almost embarrassed. "I thought… we could watch a show together? I know, it sounds boring, but I do watch a lot of shows… alone…" He stops himself, apparently realizing how sad that sounds. "I mean, I thought it might be fun." 

"Sure!" Kasumi says. "What kind of show?"

"Anime…? We could watch a drama if it's more your style, but I know much more about anime so…" 

She smiles. "I didn't know you were an otaku." 

An embarrassed chuckle. "Well, it was pretty much a given with my circumstances. We don't have to." 

"No, no, anime is fine. I don't really watch a lot of TV, though, so…" She shrugs. "What anime did you have in-"

"Evangelion," he bursts out, voice laced for the first time with real excitement, "we could watch Eva, and-" But just as soon, his excitement dies, and the loss hits Kasumi like a blow to the chest. "-wait, no, nevermind," he says, with an awkward laugh. "Sorry. I spoke without thinking." 

"Hey, wait! We can watch Evangelion if you want," Kasumi says with an encouraging smile. "If you like it, I'd love to watch it with you." 

"No! I mean - no. It's fine, let's watch something else."

"Do you not like it?" she asks, raising an eyebrow. "You sounded pretty excited."

"No. Well, yes, I do, but it's really… I said it without thinking. I don't think you'd like it. Let's watch One Punch Man, or Mob Psycho or - or something new, I hear Violet Evergarden is good-" 

"I'm fine with weird!" Kasumi says, undeterred. "Come on, we can stop after a while if you still don't want to. You sounded so happy!"

"Yeahhh," he says, hesitating, "but that's not - I mean, I wasn't thinking, it's not really the sort of show I want to-"

"Come onnn, that doesn't matter. We're friends now, right? Let's just try it!" 

He pauses for a long moment, green eyes seemingly fixed on her. She looks back at him, unrelenting, giving him her best puppy eyes.

"...Uh," he says weakly. "If you say so." 

Mechamaru seems more interested in staring down at his hands than watching a show as they start the first episode of Evangelion that night. They must be a sight, a piece of cutting-edge combat technology sitting upright in her desk chair, pulled over next to the bed so Kasumi can lie on it and ice her bruises while they watch. 

As the episode goes on, his back slowly relaxes, and he starts to fidget idly, spinning side to side in the chair. It's the most human motion she's seen him make, maybe ever, and it's endearing enough to make it hard to focus on the show past how nervous she is all of a sudden for no reason. He leans forward more, starts making excited little exhales when things happen. By the end of the first episode, he's rambling about how weird the design is for the mechs, and Kasumi's smiling, delighted. 

They watch three episodes that night before turning in - a solid hour of television, which is all Kasumi can spare. Mechamaru spends the whole time obviously desperately trying to stop explaining every cool new thing that happens and letting her watch the show in peace. It's like she's talking to a whole different person. It's… nice. 

They find themselves there again the next day, too, picking up after Kasumi's done her training and calling Mom. She could use it, too, after that call. They start again from episode three, keeping on with that gentle, loping routine that builds up like soft sandbanks around their lives. 

To be perfectly honest, Kasumi's only half paying attention to the show at any given time. The other half of her attention is split between worrying about all the stuff she has to do and watching Mechamaru. Even with a blank face, his body language shines clear - excitement. Enthralment. Anxiety. 

And the show itself? Well, it's certainly… strange. The tone isn't really to Kasumi's taste, that's for sure - but she likes looking at the pictures, at least, and the jokes are sometimes funny - and sometimes there are these quiet moments, and they're just so… 

The lights across all of Japan power down, leaving the sky a deep, pristine teal. 

"Hey, Miwa," Mechamaru says, quietly, hesitating. 

"Shh," she says. "I'm trying to watch." 

He falls silent again. 

Shinji and Rei are sitting high above the city, knees hugged to their chests on opposite metal platforms. The music fades out and only the wind blows to fill the silence. 

"Miwa," Mechamaru says, louder this time. He hits the pause button hastily. "Why do you always ask me to take you on missions?" 

Kasumi blinks at him, the spell of the scene broken. "Ah, what do you mean?" she asks. "I just want to go on more missions, that's all." 

"But why me?" he asks. "Why not your friends?" 

"You are my friend," Kasumi reminds him. "And, I don't know. I guess I thought of it as our thing, you know?" 

"Our thing?"

"Yeah, something we can do together, just the two of us. As friends."

"Oh. I see." He doesn't unpause. 

"Speaking of," Kasumi says, "how about it, hm? Got any missions free?"

"Uh," he says, "well… I don't know, I…"

"Come on," she says, nudging him. "There's gotta be something." 

"There's a second-grade on Wednesday…" he says begrudgingly. 

"Ah." Kasumi shakes her head. "Wednesday's no good. We have another quiz, remember?"

"Sorry, I don't have anything else safe this week."

Kasumi gives him her best puppy eyes. "Isn't there anything else you could organize?" 

She's half-joking, but he makes a choked noise and glances to the side, thinking. "Uhh, how does tomorrow sound, actually?" he asks, slightly strained. "I'll ask around, I'm sure someone has a Sunday mission we could go on."

"Oh!" Kasumi blinks. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah! Of course I'm sure."

"Oh! Well, great!" She grins. "Thank you, Mechamaru."

"You are very welcome, Miwa," he says, rather formally. "And thank you for indulging me." 

She laughs. "Anytime." 

Chapter Text

"Umm, Mechamaru?" 

"Mhm?"

"Why's Kamo here?" 

Mechamaru glances at Kamo, who is currently leaning against the front gate and daubing his arrowheads with blood from a bag held carefully in the other hand. His tongue sticks slightly out in concentration. 

Mechamaru looks back at Kasumi. "What do you mean? It's his mission."

"What do you mean, it's his mission? I thought you were taking it from him!"

"He tried," Kamo says cooly, putting his arrows away and standing up in one fluid motion. "I vetoed it."

"We could have done it on our own," Mechamaru says. "We did the mall mission just fine and that one was an underestimate." 

"Miwa almost died. You flared, lost an arm and had to be benched for three days." Kamo raises an eyebrow as if he's just asked a question. "Let's try teamwork this time." 

Mechamaru groans, but doesn't argue. 

"Miwa," Kamo says unceremoniously. He passes her a piece of paper produced from seemingly nowhere. "Here's the briefing." 

"Thanks!" She forces herself to smile as she takes it, even though the way Kamo's taken control of the operation doesn't sound promising. It says: 

Semi-grade-1 Jujutsu Sorcerer Noritoshi Kamo requested. 

There's an address, a picture, and a map. It's a hospital, built in a modern style. Some curse info: Grade 1 (yikes!), plus secondary infestation… confirmed three days ago… evacuation complete… manager: Toru Yamagishi (a name she doesn't recognize)... a case number, casualties thus far… first report of infestation, date, time, location, nature, name… significant following reports… and so on. All typed up, very formal. 

"Kamo, this isn't standard issue," Mechamaru says, peering at Kasumi's paper. 

Kamo acknowledges this with a mild tilt of his head. 

"Did you compile these yourself?"

He nods solemnly. "Preparation is perhaps the most critical part of a fight." 

"Well, yes, but harassing the windows for more information?"

"How do you prepare for missions?" 

"I just google the location and ask what grade it is, I don't ask for comments. Are you annoying the bureaucratic staff too? Let me see that." Without waiting for permission, Mechamaru takes the paper out of Kasumi's hands and scans it. 

"Thoughts?" Kamo says, raising an eyebrow. 

"...A hospital?" Mechamaru says, tone betraying slight dismay. "I thought I had these blacklisted."

"May I remind you that beggars can't be choosers?" Kamo glances sideways at Kasumi, who's looking from one to the other, baffled. "This is what I had. Feel free to back out." 

"No complaints here," Mechamaru says, in a tone that makes it clear how many complaints he has.

Kamo just shrugs and heads off past the gate towards the road, where an unfamiliar car is beginning to pull up. 

Kasumi sits in the middle because she's the smallest, leaving her squished in between Mechamaru's angular form and Kamo's long legs. She tries to make the best of it, smiling and bowing to the driver through the partition. He's a middle-aged man, balding, with small eyes and a bright yellow starburst of a marking on his jaw. Must be Toru Yamagishi. 

To be honest, this car ride would have been a lot more comfortable if one of the others sat in the middle. Not because they're particularly uncomfortable physically (besides Mechamaru's leg making the granola bars she stuffed in her pocket dig into her thigh), but because she can't shake the feeling she's in the way. 

"And you?" Kamo asks. 

Mechamaru makes a dismissive noise. "Utahime sidelined me again." 

"Again?" He raises an eyebrow. "Did she do it for the end of the term?" 

"I don't know why she doesn't get that doing work on vacation stresses me out more," Mechamaru says. "But - whatever. I've been in the workshop." 

"Is there anything you can demonstrate?" 

"Well, it's not integrated yet. But I iterated on my right cannon a bit since I had the time. It'll sustain a longer blast now." 

"May I?" Kamo reaches over and around Kasumi, and she shrinks back in her seat so he can reach easier. Mechamaru offers him his right arm, and Kamo examines his palm carefully. "How much longer?"

"Maybe a second over the last model, but the cooldown is a pain." 

"Hmm. You should avoid using that for now, then."

"Noted." 

"Kamo," Kasumi says, "what positions should I take in the formation?"

He glances at her blankly. "In the centre or back would be best." 

Her heart sinks. "Right… yeah. Right." 

The hospital is relatively big, and as usual it's already completely evacuated, luckily not abandoned like the last shopping mall. Kasumi gets out of the car after Mechamaru, looking around nervously for any civilians - but there are none in sight, only grey streets to the left, right and all around. 

"Good luck, everyone," Yamagishi says, smiling and bowing. "I'll put up the curtain for you, shall I?" 

"Thanks!" Kasumi chirps at him. Kamo gives him a solemn nod. 

Mechamaru says, "Actually, there are some specifications. I need you to alter the blocking range to let my CE through, or else the puppet won't work…" He starts describing the specifications to him, using language too technical to understand, with lots of numbers. Yamagishi listens intently, frowning the whole time.

Kasumi examines the hospital from the parking lot. The building seems huge now that she's seeing it in person, and the entrance is over to the side, made of mostly glass and covered by a huge, sloping awning. She can't feel much from it, which is strange given that the file said first-grade. 

Mechamaru joins her a moment later and together, they head in. Behind them, Yamagishi mutters something Kasumi can't hear but assumes is him throwing a curtain down. The entire scene is abruptly dyed sickly yellow. All of a sudden, cursed energy invades Kasumi's senses, dizzying and heady, like someone burned waaaay too much incense in a small, enclosed space.

"Looks like everything is working," Mechamaru says, moving his limbs experimentally. "Jeez, that's strong. What's the game plan?"

Kasumi's about to speak up and suggest something, but Kamo steps in front and turns around. "We have no intel on what type of spirit is in there," he says. "However, there is a swarm and a first-grade. What would you suggest?" 

"Well," Mechamaru says without missing a beat, "we have a ranger, a hybrid, and a defensive melee fighter. As usual, it's a fortress-style exorcism, so I would say that me and Miwa should engage the smaller entities and protect you while we search for the first-grade, then allow you and me to engage the first-grade while Miwa defends herself."

"Hmm," Kamo says. "Miwa?"

"Oh, um, me?" Kasumi fidgets as both of their gazes turn to her, and she gets the odd sensation she's in class. "I think you guys should let me help with the first-grade. The more the merrier, right? Besides, Kamo could take out smaller threats coming at us easily, while us melee types can't fight without putting ourselves in danger, or blowing stuff up like Mechamaru which I guess would be a last resort."

"Hmm," Kamo says approvingly. "You two have failed to consider one aspect: this is a hospital with many different wings and areas. Searching for the first-grade, if it wants to hide, will be difficult in a group of three-" 

"We are not splitting up," Mechamaru says. "Miwa needs a partner." 

"Hey!" Kasumi protests. "I'll be fine!" 

"It's true that running into a first-grade alone would almost certainly kill her," Kamo says thoughtfully.

"Plus, what if one group finds it and is too far away to call the other?" Mechamaru asks. "And besides, it's not like we're Satoru Gojo, it probably won't hide or run. Splitting up is almost always a bad call." 

"Well-argued," Kamo says, nodding. "That said, we need a way to navigate. Mechamaru, you know your way around a hospital. Could you take us through the hotspots?" 

"Actually, I don't , " he says, slightly snippy. "It's not like I go wandering. Couldn't you do it?" 

Kamo levels a look at him that says, clear as day, I know you can pull your weight. 

"Roger that," Mechamaru sighs. 

"Good. Mechamaru, take point; Miwa, guard the rear. You will both take out short-range threats while I pick off long-range enemies. We will move as a unit."

"Thank you," Mechamaru says pointedly. "Now let's get this over with." 

Kasumi sighs. 

The reception's a boxy room with the corners cut off, littered with crowd control posts, desks for absent receptionists with pens in mugs. The more Kasumi looks, the less she can discern anything with any sort of personality, even down to the wheelchairs lined up to the side and the posters encouraging people to get the flu shot on the walls. It's chilly in here. In front of her, Kamo nocks three arrows silently. Mechamaru's standing upright, stiff. 

When she squints, the spirits appear. 

A few small cursed spirits scuttle across the floor in front of them as they pass, thousands of tiny eyes blinking across their skin. Kasumi thinks she catches a glimpse of something huge crawling around in the darkness of the hall, but when she looks again, there's nothing. 

She takes a breath. "This seems… tame." 

"Yep," Mechamaru says. "This is the front door. Probably not a ton of bad memories here. Relatively speaking." 

"Where should we search?" Kamo asks. 

"Hmm." He thinks for a moment. "Critical care, the ICU… all of the inpatient units, actually. Emergency, the morgue. Surgery, too. And waiting rooms. The ICU will be the big one. Lots of trauma over there." 

"So the whole hospital?" Kasumi asks.

"Gift shop, cafeteria, anything administrative like records, all that can probably be more or less left alone." 

"There's a gift shop?" 

Kamo glances at her. "You've never been to a hospital?" 

Kasumi turns bright red. "Guess I'm just too healthy." Her family couldn't afford it and got lucky enough to never need it all that much, but there's no way she's going to let Kamo know that. 

Mechamaru leads them down a hallway past an elevator, down another hall, where he has to blast away a few scuttling, spidery spirits with small bursts of flame from his hands. Past the sickly yellow film of the curtain, Kasumi can't quite tell what colour the walls are, but they're pale, and her and Kamo's shoes (and metal feet, in Mechamaru's case) clack loudly against the tiles. The lights are on, but the curtain drowns them out, leaving them only as patches of bright whitish fluorescence against the dark hall. She exhales, and the sound is muffled in her ears. 

"Getting bored?" Kamo asks mildly. His voice sounds like it's coming from behind layers of foam, but right beside her ear. 

She shudders. "No," she says. "Just on edge."

"We'll be fine until we get to Emergency," Mechamaru says. "It's only a few more hallways."

"Oh, good. This yellow colour is driving me up the walls." 

"It's yellow?" He looks around. "I thought it was green."

"Are you colourblind?" 

"Don't think so. The robot is, a little." 

"No chatter," Kamo chides them. "Stay on your guard." 

Mechamaru leads them past a sign that says EMERGENCY with an arrow next to it. It looks identical, except for the waiting area full of chairs on the left, completely abandoned. The spirits are thicker here, carpeting the walls and floor like tiny lizards, but they scatter in Mechamaru and Kamo's wake. Eventually, they reach a line and a door, a table for a receptionist. There's a slightly larger curse that bobbles toward them, making a whining mosquito-y noise, but Kamo dispatches it wordlessly with an arrow that returns to his hand as soon as it's done. 

"Looks like it's not here," Mechamaru says. 

"Hmm," Kamo says. "What next?"

"Let's head towards the ICU. We can check critical care on the way by, if the map was right." 

"Are you sure we shouldn't be checking more of these?" Kasumi steps towards the half-open door of a room off to the side, but when she peers in, it's just a bed, a scale and some weird machines. There are posters on the wall, invisible behind the bunch of curses perched on top of them, blinking their bajillion eyes. Kasumi squints, trying to read. 

A cold hand grabs her collar and yanks her back, and she yelps. "Don't break formation," Mechamaru says. 

She swats his hand away (ow). "Hey! Don't grab me like that unless I'm actually in danger!" 

"Don't break formation," Mechamaru repeats, falling back to cover Kamo. "This may seem easy so far, but there could be an ambush and it'll probably target you." 

"Quiet, please," says Kamo. 

Kasumi sighs, falling back and taking the rear again to stare sullenly at the back of Kamo's head. 

They head down the hall, towards the inpatient unit, in silence except for the chittering and scuttling of curses, the tiny black flecks of curse drifting in the air. As she walks slowly through the hallways, passing water fountains and half-open doors to offices and infested examination rooms, she comes to a conclusion: this sucks.

She wishes Kamo had let them go alone. She wishes she'd taken the Wednesday mission instead. She wishes Mechamaru wasn't so obedient to Kamo. She wants to be walking side by side, together, talking about how freaky this all is instead of walking in formation with Kamo firmly between them and getting in the way- 

- what the Hell is that -

She whirls around, but there's only an empty hallway leading to an emergency exit where the dark shape was only a moment ago. She only caught a glimpse, but those teeth… she shudders and turns back, only to find Kamo looking at her. "What is it?" 

"I saw something out of the corner of my eye," she says, her voice coming out embarrassingly quavery. 

Kamo's scepticism is clear on his face. "So… you saw a curse out of the corner of your eye. On a mission. And it surprised you?" 

"It was really big, okay? And its teeth were so long, and it - it didn't have any eyes!" 

Kamo glances pointedly down the empty hallway, then back at her.

"I swear it was there!" she says. 

He shrugs. "Mechamaru?"

"Yes. What?" Mechamaru says hastily, turning around to see Kasumi and Kamo looking at him. "...What?"  

Kamo frowns. "Are you alright?" 

"What? Yes. Everything is fine." He doesn't sound convincing. "What's the question?" 

"It was irrelevant. Let's take a break," Kamo says. "We will regroup outside of the building." 

"But we haven't found anything yet," Mechamaru says. It's useless. Kamo's already turned and heading for the big glass doors of the ER. 

Things aren't much better outside. Now that the curtain has been down for a bit, more spirits are starting to appear, weaker ones, shaped like quavering humanish shapes that stand morosely around the entryway wringing their hands and moaning quietly. Kasumi brushes up against one, and it's like walking through a sauna. She shudders. 

"Here," Kamo says, motioning at a relatively empty set of stairs off to the side. "Sit." 

Kasumi sits. Mechamaru sits too, casting lost glances around at the ghosts surrounding them. His gaze catches on a figure in a wheelchair, smoking near the ramp, its head tilted back and the approximation of its eyes running down its face like melted wax. 

"Mechamaru," Kamo says, and adds a sharp little snap to his voice that has Mechamaru sitting up and looking at him right away. "I'd like to speak to you for a minute." 

"We shouldn't leave Miwa," Mechamaru says. 

"Miwa, stay on your guard. Mechamaru, with me." His tone brokers no argument. Mechamaru hauls himself up off the steps with a long-suffering sigh and Kamo takes him away to the side, leaning in close to speak to him with a serious expression on his face. As they start speaking, though, Kasumi finds that the oddness of the curtain's effect on voices stays - she hears them like they're right next to her, yet far, far away. 

"Do you need to leave?" Kamo asks. 

"No."

"Be honest." 

"I don't," Mechamaru insists. "I'll be fine. I can handle myself."

"Can you?" 

"Yes!" 

"Mechamaru," Kamo says, "it is fine to have to step out of a mission if you cannot handle it. It is not cowardice, it's responsibility."

"Very fine words from the guy taking four daily missions. How's your red blood cell count? You look pale." 

"Let's not make this personal. We all must know our own limits." 

"Yes, I'm well aware of my limits, thank you very much." 

"I'm not referring to your disability. Please try to stay on topic. The hospital environment is clearly upsetting you."

"I can handle it."

"Normally I would not mind, but we have Miwa with us," Kamo says. "I cannot pick up slack if I also have to take care of a functional civilian. If you bring a deadweight to a mission I expect you to be able to take responsibility." Kasumi bites down hard on the inside of her cheek and does not react. 

"Don't talk about Miwa like that."

"I'm not joking. She could die." 

"I wouldn't let that happen."

"You could if, hypothetically speaking, you were letting your emotions get the better of you." A pause. Kamo sighs. "I'm just being practical." 

"You're being a dick, Kamo. Why do you have to keep bringing this up? This is why I don't take missions with you." 

"I keep bringing it up because it keeps being relevant. I am trying to keep us all safe. You need to take better care of yourself. You remember your last hospital mission. Can you imagine what would have happened to Miwa, had she been there?" 

"Oh, for God's sake. You know what might help keep me calm? If you let me talk to my friend." 

"It's hazardous to make noise. That was one of the first things you should have been taught." 

"That's pedantic!" 

"Pedantry keeps sorcerers alive." 

The ghost on the wheelchair ramp blows a long string of smoke out of its mouth and lets out a low wail. 

"Let me prove I can do this," Mechamaru says. 

There's a long pause. 

Kamo sighs. "Let me know if you change your mind."

The spirit wails again, louder this time, and its guts start to melt, spilling over the side of the seat as it sinks lower. Kasumi averts her eyes. 

"Oh - there is one more thing," Kamo says. "Stop incinerating the smaller spirits. It's a waste of cursed energy." 

"As if I'm going to run out." 

"It's a matter of best practice." A pause. "And it won't impress her, so there's no point." 

Mechamaru pauses, then chuckles affectionately. "You are such a dick."  

The smallest smile in Kamo's voice. "You're welcome." 

Kamo and Mechamaru return to the steps in comfortable silence, and Kasumi peels the wrapper off one of her granola bars and takes an awkward bite, trying to keep her expression even. Even the chocolate chips taste bland and slightly nasty inside of the curtain. She chews mechanically and swallows, trying not to think about it. Kamo inspects his arrows, one by meticulous one. 

"Hey," Mechamaru says. "Are you gonna eat the other granola bar?" 

"Not right now," Kasumi says through a mouthful of chocolate and nuts. "Why?" 

"Can I have it?"

"Huh? Uh-" but you don't eat? Kasumi's going to say, and then she stops herself. "Sure." She passes him the second granola bar, a chocolate-coated one that'll probably taste just as foul as this one. 

"Thanks." He slips it into the inside pocket of his jacket and stands up. "Okay. Shall we?"

"Mm." Kamo gets up, putting his arrows away. "Let's."

Silently, Kasumi trails behind them. 

Soon they arrive at the stairs, which they take upwards, carefully avoiding curses curling around the handrails and festering in the corners. When Kasumi glances out the window, she sees dark, mournful shapes standing in the parking lot and lined up out front, staring inside. They're much too tall to be people. "Is it just me, or are there more of them than there used to be?"

Nobody answers. 

They climb up two whole flights of stairs before they finally reach the inpatient unit. It's a large wing, halls and halls of doors. Mechamaru pushes open the door to the first room and exhales sharply, a rumble of staticky noise against the mic.

Kamo peers in. Kasumi follows his lead. It's just a normal hospital room, a big weird-looking bed and some machines on the far wall, a window letting in sickly yellow-green light, a comfy chair beside it and a TV. There's a few curses dotted around, including one emaciated one which starts tottering towards them, muttering incoherently. Kamo dispatches it quickly with a single arrow. 

Mechamaru clicks his tongue. "Fucking hospitals," he mutters. 

"Let's move," Kamo says. 

The rest of the inpatient unit is more or less the same - weak, unassuming spirits that Kamo easily obliterates. The only time that could even generously be counted as trouble is when Kasumi has to defend him as he refreshes the blood on the arrow tips, and nothing even attacks them. Mechamaru, though, seems on edge, and only gets more so as they pass through to the ICU. Kamo keeps giving him a look out of the corner of his eye, but never interferes or pulls him to the side again. 

The strangest thing happens, though, as they pass towards the ICU - the curses taper off, and eventually there are none visible at all. Not dotting the walls, not curled up on the floor or in the corner. Besides the yellow tint, it looks completely normal. 

"This feels weird," Kasumi says. "There are no curses. Something is wrong." 

"Shh," whispers Kamo. "It seems likely there's a predator at large. Don't let it hear you." 

Kasumi nods and falls silent. The only noises from then on are their footsteps and Mechamaru's tinny breathing. 

They pull back bed curtain after bed curtain, check room after room, behind the curtains and the medical equipment, but there's nothing. Not even the slightest curl of cursed energy, only the occasional flicker of white figures surrounding the beds that disappear when she looks straight at them. Still, everyone seems to have reached a wordless agreement to check the whole bay. It's here. It has to be here. Evil and fear is thick in the air. Kasumi's arms and legs feel heavy, and her head sways back and forth. 

"I can sense some sort of innate domain effect," Mechamaru mutters. "Are you guys feeling anything?" 

"Sleepy," Kamo mutters. "Dizzy." Red oozes from behind his eyelids and crawls slowly up his face, and he straightens, taking a breath. "It's sedating us. Miwa, are you awake?" 

"Mhm." She shakes her head, trying to clear it, and cycles cursed energy through her brain. It works… sort of. "I'm fine." 

"Good. Let's move." 

Halfway through checking the fifth room, there's a faint sound. First it sounds like a mosquito, then like a distant alarm. Kasumi listens carefully, and then she realizes it's the sound of someone screaming. A human. As the sound comes into focus, the scream breaks off into hysterical crying and words she can't make out. 

She gives Kamo an alarmed look, but he shakes his head and mouths, curse.

Kamo and Mechamaru prepare to fight, sinking into lower stances as they move towards the sound. Mechamaru's breathing gets uneven. Kasumi follows them, hand tight around the hilt of her sword. Wordlessly, they pinpoint the sound coming from the tenth room, skirt around the nursing station and push open the door to… 

The crying stops. It's empty. 

They spread out across the room, Kasumi and Kamo checking the far corners, but there's nothing. At all. Not a single measly little lizardy curse, even. The air in the room feels heavy and thick, hard to move through. 

"Fuck!" Mechamaru bursts out, aiming a kick at the doorframe. Kasumi's gaze whips around to focus on him. Kamo looks startled. "Fucking hospital missions. This happens every time!"

"Mechamaru," Kamo starts, "your volume-"  

"Oh, who cares about my volume? Clearly, nothing is here! It's playing with us! What is it about stupid hospital curses that just love to torture people, huh? Here I am! Sike! Feel crazy yet? Couldn't you all just fight like a normal-" 

There's an ear-piercing screech. A wobbling, inhuman noise, quadrupled into four desynced voices, shrieks, "A bomb!"  

And a gigantic spirit with no eyes unhinges its jaw and eats Mechamaru whole. 

Kasumi nearly passes out at the waves of dizzy, confused exhaustion rolling off it. She staggers. Kamo's faster on his feet - a net of blood whistles through the air and Kamo yanks it to the side with a grunt of effort, smashing it into the wall. He goes to run, notices Kasumi standing there and grabs her shoulder as he bolts out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He fumbles for a bag of blood, tears it apart with his bare hands and pours it all over the doorknob, where it sinks into the workings of the door and through the inner workings of the lock. Then he turns to Kasumi, panting. The area around his eye is already blood-red as he goads his body into maximum overdrive. "Inpatient unit. Go." 

They run (and stumble) through the halls, pursued by the deafening shrieks and moans of the spirit. It's alternately animal shrieks and discordant human screams of a bomb, a bomb, there's a bomb in the hospital, a bomb! She ignores it as best she can, making a beeline for the closest room and slamming the door behind her and Kamo. A few small curses take the opportunity to pile on them, but Kamo catches them and simply crushes them in his bare hands, leaving them panting but more or less safe for now. 

"It's not that big," Kamo pants. "It would have been better had Mechamaru kept his cool, but what's done is done. Shall we fight or retreat?" 

"You're asking me?" Kasumi gasps, leaning against a wall and cycling her cursed energy as fast as she can. It barely helps. Her knees tremble.

He glances at her. "No." He looks at the door, cocks his head and listens. "It's approaching. Blocking that door was a poor choice."

"I didn't… block the door."

"On my part." He glares at her now, and she shrinks. "We must strategize quickly. Its consistency likely precludes slashing or stabbing damage. We will attempt to draw the spirit deeper into the hospital where its unwieldy size can be used against it, then trap it inside of a room. Once this is complete, we can retreat and fetch a heavier hitter, such as Todo or Inoue." 

"Wait," Kasumi says, eyes closed now so she doesn't have to waste focus keeping them open. "What about Mechamaru?" 

"He is gone."

"He is not! It swallowed him whole!" 

"There's no reason to deny or grieve his destruction," Kamo says. "He would have escaped by now if he was salvageable. He can be rebuilt in a matter of days. We are running out of time to take the stairs." He starts towards the doorway. 

"I'm not taking the stairs, Kamo," Kasumi says, forcing her eyes open and staggering in front of him. "We have to go back and get Mechamaru! He's not completely destroyed, we can retrieve the damaged robot!"

"What would be the point of risking our lives for a replaceable automaton?"

Kasumi thinks of Mechamaru's broken voice after having just his arm crushed. He'd tried to calm himself, muttering, voice broken and strained. How would it affect him to have his whole body crushed and digested? "He needs the robot to function," she argues. "A few whole days without it would be torture." 

"Would you risk your life for it?" 

"Yes!"

"Why?" 

"Because it's the right thing to do!" 

He looks at her like she's crazy. "How?" 

"Oh, we don't have time to argue about this right now! I'm going to go save him, you can come or leave, I don't care." She tugs at her sleeves and fumbles in her pockets for her earplugs, as if fidgeting will stop her skin from crawling with terror, her knees from wobbling. She puts her earplugs in, one hand on her hilt and the other on the doorknob. 

"This is pointless and foolish," Kamo tries again, striding along behind her with his arms out in a half-pleading gesture, face twisted into a scowl. His voice, like everything else, is muffled - but only slightly. "Nothing but an impulsive attempt at heroism that will get you nowhere, especially solo against a first-grade... Miwa, are you listening?" 

She's not. She's marching along the hallway, towards the source of the noise. A moment later it crashes through the hallway behind her. It's bigger than it used to be, swollen and black and gloopy. It opens its mouth, showing off several rows of steely sharp teeth, and screams. 

Kasumi doesn't flinch, doesn't simply collapse no matter how much she wants to. She crouches down and takes a deep breath, letting her eyes wander over its teeth, its furious eye, the way the building shakes as it approaches, cracking the walls and floor as it pulls itself forward. Its mouth fills the whole hallway, and as she watches, the ceiling cracks and breaks, showering glass, plastic and plaster across the floor. 

She takes a deep breath… Simple Domain begins to flow out of her, like water, liquid calm… 

Before it can fully form, a lashing limb strikes her and she cries out, and doesn't have the strength to steady herself, and she tumbles backwards, legs finally giving out beneath her- 

A blood net hits the spirit square in the face, and it flinches back for a second - just a second - while a firm hand grabs her collar and drags her backwards. "Are you hurt?" Kamo asks, shouting over the screams. 

"Not badly," she tries to say, but it comes out too slurred to understand. 

Kamo makes a noise of frustration and tosses her backwards. She skids across the floor - tries to get up, but her limbs shake and she's so heavy, and she can't, but Kamo's already smashing his remaining blood bags on the ground and firing arrow after arrow into the curse's mouth. It flinches and roars, and the roar turns into a laugh and back into screaming, now a choppy, irregular series of hysterical cries, as if it's becoming more and more agitated. It grows again, punching fully through the ceiling, arms flailing and knocking holes in the walls. The blood net breaks, and though it tries to reform, it's not big enough - its arm comes hurtling towards Kasumi, waving through the hallway. Kasumi can't even bring herself to move. Can't bring herself to care. It doesn't feel real. She looks up at the oncoming doom and waits for sleep to claim her.

Without hesitation, Kamo grabs his last arrow and calmly, efficiently slices a long gash down his forearm, his teeth gritted, the point digging deep into his flesh. 

As Kasumi watches, half-sleepy, half-stunned, the blood rears up from the cut like a viper, lashing out towards the curse. Kamo fires off a few bullet-like shots - his wound pulls shut and stops bleeding on its own, though there's still a bright red line where it used to be. Kamo's panting now, pale, but there seems to be enough blood to restrain the section of it that remains in the hallway. He turns to Kasumi as if to run. 

There's a deafening explosion, and the spirit screams louder. 

Kasumi manages an exhausted smile at the sound of tearing flesh. Kamo looks like he could cheer with relief. He doesn't have time, though, because Mechamaru lands in the hallway a moment later. He skids to a halt a few metres behind Kamo, dripping cursed goo all over the place. "Back me up while I cool down!" he says, and Kamo obliges with renewed vigour, a barrage of bloody strings slicing and wrapping around the thing's limbs, chopping it up even as it recovers.

Mechamaru dodges backwards, hits the floor and shakes Kasumi by the shoulder with his left arm. "Miwa!" he says. "You with me?" 

Everything is slow and syrupy. She can't remember what she was going to say. 

"Miwa!" 

And all of a sudden, why is the hand pressing at her stomach so hard and so cold? She doesn't want to sleep. She's just so body-tired, cell-tired, like there are bits of her coming apart she's so tired, too tired to hold herself together, the sky is dark, and yellow, yellow, yellow, and ah, doesn't it feel good to… exhale…  

"Kamo!" Panic. Shrill. "Miwa isn't responding! I - I don't think she's breathing! What do I do?!" 

"It's the spirit's technique!" Something strikes flesh, and the voice makes a ragged sound. Yellow, yellow, ugly yellow the sky, and the clouds, ugly yellow, and Kasumi has a headache. "She's sedated! She'll be fine! Get her out of range and help me, quickly!" She's in her bedroom… there's Mom… there's a bomb… a bomb in the hospital… a bomb in her room… 

The world spins and whirls and there's a vice around Kasumi's chest and she's dizzy dizzy and on a rough surface, back against something cold, it's warm out here, warm and smells like summer dirt, dust, rot and gunpowder, motor oil, sweat, fabric freshener, smells like machine whirring, car trunk opening, garage door closing, green eyes glowing. "Try to stay awake," says the garage door, "If you can hear me, just - just try to breathe. It's going to be okay. I'll come back for you." Garage doors can't talk. Kasumi would giggle but there's no air so she smiles. It's a sound like if dripping water could smile. 

The delirium bursts through the roof in an explosion of colour and sound, browns and grays flickering, roaring and screaming and thrashing. It's shot through with red and smears of darting, flowing, black… and glinting flashing copper-gold-green… 

"Convergence won't work! It's too fluid." 

"Just hold it back! I'm almost ready!" 

"Mechamaru!"

"Just hold it off, I said! We need to finish it off in one-" Noise noise colour - "in one blow! Quickly!" 

"Flowing Red Scale will fail soon! The sedation is getting stronger!" 

"It is? Oh, shit." Sound sound colour colour yellow red yellow black blue flying flying off the edge flying - "Kamo! Move!" - soaring away, away, away, and here, and yellow, yellow, noise, colour, and - 

Blistering light and heat, and barely later, noise. Incinerating sleep, incinerating black sludge, and then Kasumi can think again, can breathe again. 

She gasps and coughs, half toppling onto the rough surface of the roof. Her palms sting, and her sword is nowhere to be found. Her head hurts. 

"Miwa!" She looks up, with effort. Mechamaru's hurrying towards her. Up close and with some time to spare, she can see he's a little scratched up from the fight, his hands sooty. "You with me?" 

She coughs again, tries to push herself to her feet and fails. "Yeah." 

"Are you okay? Can you breathe? Are you hurt?" 

"I'm fine," she assures him. She can feel herself starting to blush from his flustered attention, but she tries her best to compose herself, and decides to count it as a sign that the technique is receding. That, and the shame. He doesn't touch her - probably a good call since his hands are all dirty and burning hot. "Just a little scratched up. Kamo protected me."

"Oh, good." He sighs. "Fuck. Okay."

"Yep. Heh. All good now, though, right? Is Kamo okay?" 

"Alright," Kamo says, coming up behind him and answering Miwa's question for her. Kasumi catches his eyes and instinctively shrinks back, shuddering. Even staggering, pale and filthy, he's a sight to behold when he's angry. "Now that we're done, would you care to explain what that was all about, Miwa?"

"Hey," Mechamaru says, turning to him with a scowl in his voice. "You can't expect her to fight a first-grade, that's-" 

"Exactly my point," Kamo says coldly. "You wouldn't have seen how she refused my order to retreat and instead decided to go in alone, with no plan, throwing her life away in a vain attempt to retrieve a completely replaceable robot… ugh." He sways and puts a hand to his head. Mechamaru offers an elbow to steady him, but he ignores it and sits down heavily, breathing hard. Kasumi makes an involuntary noise of worry and reaches for him as well. He stops her with a shake of his head.

"Shit, you okay?" Mechamaru asks, hovering uselessly around him and trying to check him for wounds. 

"Yes, I'm alright," Kamo says, voice faint. "I've simply lost… more blood than is ideal." 

"What? When? Did you get injured?" 

"It was necessary," Kamo says, brushing Mechamaru off, "to prevent the consequences of Miwa's actions." He gives her an I'm not mad, just disappointed look. "I will be fine. However, if Miwa continues recklessly and pointlessly throwing herself into the paths of spirits, she will not be." 

"Are you bleeding? Where's the wound?" 

He holds out his arm and pokes at it. The flesh opens up easily, and it's raw and pink on the inside and… ugh . Kasumi cringes back. It doesn't seem to be bleeding at all, at least - he must have it under control, or it would probably kill him. Thank goodness for small mercies. The skin around it is criscrossed with long, deep scars. 

"Christ, that's nasty," Mechamaru mutters. "Why your arm?"

"Convenience."

"You hit a vein?"

"Mm."

"That was fucking stupid, Kamo. If you passed out and lost control, you would have died." 

He shrugs. 

Mechamaru sighs. "Your arm looks like shit. You should take less missions."

Kamo looks down, shakes his head. "It's not a critical issue," he mumbles. 

"Okay," Mechamaru says, "whatever. We should hurry back then so they can stitch you up at school. Unless you think the hospital would be…"

A ragged laugh bursts out of Kamo's throat, and he claps his hand over his mouth, stifling it. "No," he says, "We've all had enough of hospitals for today, I think." 

"Okay. Here." Mechamaru passes him the granola bar from earlier. "Eat it and let's go." 

Mechamaru helps Kamo down. As much as he protests that he'll be fine, he's pale and trembling, panting and dizzy and unable to stand for too long. He estimates he lost around 850 millilitres of blood, "enough to start feeling the effects of hypovolemic shock" (his words). Mechamaru shows Kasumi how much that is with his hands - a whole water bottle full of blood. 

As for Kasumi and Mechamaru, they're kinda banged up, but mostly unharmed. Kasumi's legs tremble only slightly from the aftermath of the sedation technique, and Mechamaru's got a few extra dents and scrapes, but he says it's nothing that'll actually affect him. So that's a relief. 

With all that out of the way, Kasumi finally allows herself to sink into the deepest pits of shame. 

How could she be so stupid? she wonders, as she and Kamo stumble along behind Mechamaru as he fights his way to the car. How could she be so reckless? How could she speak to Kamo like that? So rude. And why?

She just got caught up in the moment, she tells herself, as they cross the veil and Kamo gives a short briefing to Yamagishi before collapsing into the car, his head leaning heavily against the window. Mechamaru tosses him some antiseptic and bandages and the car fills with the smell of alcohol and the dim sound of Kamo gritting his teeth against the sting. 

But how could she put her team in danger like that? So selfish. So thoughtless. And she never had a chance of resisting the sedative effect. She was nothing but a burden. Her stomach squirms and her skin crawls as she gets in the middle seat and gives a wan smile and nod to Yamagishi. Mechamaru piles in after her, and off they go. As she watches the hospital pull away, she closes her eyes and makes a little prayer for the dead spirit.

Kasumi tries to stay calm as they drive, but she can't help but shrink under the force of her own shame, her face going redder and redder, and then she gets even more ashamed because she's visibly blushing, and so on. She ducks her head and waits for it to be over.

Mechamaru taps her on the shoulder. "Hey," he says quietly. "Is it true? What he said back there?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"That you attacked the first-grade on your own, when you were about to pass out." 

The car feels very hot all of a sudden. "I'm sorry," she says meekly. "I don't know what came over me."

"Miwa," Mechamaru says. "It's just a robot. You were going to die over it?" 

"I didn't want you to flare up again," Kasumi protests, "and I wouldn't have died. Kamo was there." 

"Well…" He shakes his head. "Okay, that was… don't get me wrong, it was stupid as hell and please never ever do that again. But… you really risked your life just so I'd be in less pain?" 

"Well, yeah, obviously," Kasumi says. "I saw what your crushed arm did to you. I don't even wanna think about what having the whole thing destroyed would do."

He makes a quiet noise. "Thank you. I mean it." 

"Of course." 

"In the future, though," he says, "you have to prioritize your safety above all else. I assure you, having you die on my account would hurt a lot more than some stupid robot getting wasted for a couple days. Okay?" 

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she says. And they return to sitting in silence. This time, though, her blush isn't out of shame, but the strange jittering in her stomach at his soft tone. 

Chapter Text

'Whoa," Momo says when she enters the medbay and sees Kasumi, Kamo and Mechamaru. "What's with the bandages?"

"What, on me?" Kasumi asks. 

"No, on Kamo." Mai's sarcastic voice drifts through the doorway as she steps in as well, a dark silhouette against the bright sky outside. "Yes, on you. What happened? Nitta said he saw you guys getting carried into the medbay." (Kamo nods drowsily at her from his seat next to the IV bags, the line full of blood running into his arm swaying gently. She waves and bows back half-heartedly.) 

"Oh, nothing, nothing!" Kasumi gets up on instinct, provoking a noise of discontent from Mechamaru who's not done bandaging up her shallow scrapes. "I didn't get carried, it was just Kamo-"

"You okay, man? You look pale," Mai says, squinting at Kamo. 

"I'm alright," Kamo says, his voice surprisingly steady. "Slightly anemic." 

"Sure, and that blood transfusion is recreational, I take it?"

"Mere impatience." He sits up and immediately lies back down, exhaling. "I will be fine." 

"...Good to know." Mai turns to Kasumi. "Anyway, Miwa, we were looking for you everywhere. We wanted to come ask you-" (Momo makes a throat-cutting stop it gesture and gets ignored.) "-we were going to come ask you if you wanted to hang out with us! You know, train a bit, maybe grab something to eat…?" She raises an eyebrow.

Kasumi's about to say yes, but something about Momo's annoyed look stops her. A moment later, she realizes why. She turns around to see Mechamaru, still holding the bandages and a cotton swab, still poised to clean and bandage another scrape on her elbow. He's looking up at her, absolutely unmoving. 

Kasumi hesitates. She can't just ditch him. She can't, not after he offered to help so eagerly. But at the same time Mai will get offended if she says no, and… 

Oh, well, there is one solution. 

"Sure!" she chirps. "Let's go!"

"Cool." Mai smiles, sharp. "Let's go." She turns and walks out, sparing not even a glance for Mechamaru still sitting statue-still and staring at Kasumi. Momo looks apologetic, turns and follows her, and Kasumi follows halfway across the room - and turns around. 

"Are you coming, Mechamaru?" she asks, in her most oblivious tone. 

He jolts. "Me? What? Where?"

"To hang out with us," Kasumi says. "You heard Mai ask if we wanted to come, right?"

"W-well," he says, "yes, but-"

"Unless you're busy," Kasumi says. "Or tired! Both of those are okay."

"No," he says, "no, I actually feel pretty good, I just thought..." He pauses. "...um, there'll be paperwork to do. About the property damage." 

"I'll take care of it," Kamo says without missing a beat. 

"Oh. Then never mind. Sure. Alright. Thank you." He sounds… satisfied. Content, even. The glow in Kasumi's chest mirrors his tone. He gets up with a creak and they say goodbye to Kamo and walk out the door side by side. 

When they get out, Mai spots Mechamaru and shoots Kasumi a poisonous look. Kasumi responds with a pleading expression. Momo elbows Mai and mouths, be nice. Mechamaru seems oblivious to all of this, but it's hard to tell with him. 

"Soo," Momo says, joining Kasumi and Mechamaru, which forces Mai to trail angrily behind her, "what are we all doing for vacation?" 

"I'm going home!" Kasumi grins. "I'm really excited to see my little brothers. And I'm gonna give Mom all the money I earned!" 

"Girl, that's your money." Momo laughs. "Spend it on yourself."

"I don't want to!" 

"I'm going home too," Mai says, sounding less enthused. "It'll be… quiet, I hope." A wry smile. "As long as I don't run into Naoya."

"Ohhhh my God," Momo groans. "That guy, I swear! He radiates misogyny." 

"Who's Naoya?" Mechamaru asks. 

"My cousin," Mai says breezily. "Thinks he's hot shit." 

Momo snickers. "And he is, a whole steaming pile of it. Anyway, I'm headed home as well, but I'm also gonna visit Mai for a few days, see if I can mooch off her family fortune." 

"She's gonna eat us out of house and home," Mai says. 

"I am not! Stop lying. I'm a dainty eater." 

"What about you, Mechamaru?" Kasumi asks. Mai rolls her eyes, but Kasumi ignores her. 

"Me? I'm staying here like always," he says simply. 

"Really? Not going home?"

"Don't have one."

Crap. Luckily, Momo jumps in and rescues Kasumi. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she says primly. "I guess staying here wouldn't be too bad. You would have more time to work and study." 

"Yeah," he says. "I guess." 

An awkward pause. 

"I am also trying to build a second robot," he attempts, tragically hopeful. "One that can fly."

"Oh, for air manoeuvres? Your robot seems a little heavy for something like that," Momo says. 

"Yes! I mean, that's the difficult part. I'm looking for materials that are light, but durable," he says eagerly. "I'm still going to get smashed into buildings and stuff, obviously. Right now I'm using mostly copper-aluminium alloys, which are pretty light, but there's some manganese alloys too for heat when CE reinforcement isn't enough - and I've been experimenting with phosphor bronzes, actually, which is good because-"

Mai yawns. Loudly and pointedly. Mechamaru stops in his tracks and Kasumi's heart sinks to the bottom of her feet. Great. Just great, Mai.  

"Sorry," Mechamaru says, brittle and sarcastic. "Am I boring you?"

"Me?" Mai bites back. " Nooo . Wouldn't dream of interrupting your construction material lists." 

Mechamaru falls silent for a little longer than is comfortable, his breathing tinny in the silence. Kasumi does her best to sink into the ground. It doesn't work. Momo gives her a tired look, like, you knew this would happen. 

"...Fine. I get it." Mechamaru's voice is icy calm. "I have repairs to do anyway." 

"Yeah," Mai says pointedly. "See you around."

"Mai," Kasumi chides half-heartedly, "let him keep talking if he wants… to…" But her voice dies as both Mai and Mechamaru turn and just look at her. 

"It's fine," Mechamaru says, bitingly light. "See you." He turns and walks off stiffly. 

"Mechamaru…" The word quavers and dies in Kasumi's mouth, and he passes behind a corner and out of sight, leaving her with only the lump in her throat. 

"Right," Mai says behind her, satisfied, as if she's just squashed a bug. "Let's go." 

A bursting breath, and Kasumi whirls around. Before she even knows what she’s saying, her mouth is already open. “Mai, what was that for?!”

A small smile sharpens Mai's lips. "Revenge for the picture thing," she says, and she sounds like she's joking, but both of them know she isn't. 

Kasumi opens her mouth and gapes, at a loss for words. "But you- you- that was so cruel!" 

Mai shrugs. 

"So you don't have anything to say for yourself?!" Oh, and she's already embarrassing herself, her face going hot and her eyes filling with angry tears. 

"Oh, please," Mai scoffs. "Just because you have a crush on him doesn't mean I have to treat him with kid gloves." 

"Mai…" Momo shoots her a warning glance. 

Kasumi doesn't even last a second under the full force of Mai's scorn before she starts to cry. "I don't have a crush on him! You don't have to have a crush on someone to think that they deserve basic respect, okay?! He's my friend, so you shouldn't be mean to him!" She doesn't know why she lies. It feels like self defense. 

"Oh, was I being mean? Did someone hurt his feelings?" Mai's lip curls. "Grow up. It's not my fault if he can't even take a fraction of what he dishes out and I'm not about to baby some random asshole just because you told me to." 

Kasumi gapes. 

"You are being harsh, Mai," Momo says, stepping in between them as if she's afraid Kasumi will just launch herself at Mai (which, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't considering it). "We all know you were trying to drive him out on purpose." 

"Yes! Because he's a dick and I don't want to hang out with him!" Mai emphasizes, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Besides, he makes it so easy, getting pissed the second I say one little thing! And you're the one who dragged him along, Miwa." 

"Yes, but-" 

"You invited her right in front of them when they were already together," Momo says, sounding rather tired. "Assuming that wasn't just for the sake of getting him riled up, you might as well have just put up with him."

"But you don't have to put up with him!" Kasumi bursts out. "He's not someone you have to just tolerate, both of you! He's really cool, I promise, you just need to give him some space to open up!" 

"I don't owe him shit," Mai hisses. "And that includes 'the space to open up.' I don't care if he's an antisocial loser, it isn't my problem if he has no friends. What is my problem is that he's a weirdo who screamed insults at me and I hate talking to him." 

"But Mai-"

"Listen, whatever, Miwa," Mai says, rolling her eyes. "You wanna choose him over your friends, fine."

"He is my friend! And maybe I wouldn't have to choose if you'd all just get along!"

"Tell that to him and his stupid pictures."

"Mai, just stop. Okay?" Momo says. "Let's all just split up and calm down."

"Whatever," Mai mutters again, and without warning, she turns and stalks off. 

Momo turns to Kasumi, hesitating, glances after Mai as if she's considering running after her. "Are you okay?" 

Kasumi sniffles. "Yeah, I just…"

"You wanted to do something nice, and it didn't work out. I get it. You tried." Momo pats her arm. "Take it easy on yourself. I'll go talk to Mai. It'll all blow over in a day anyway, right? Don't worry about it." 

Without waiting for a response, she jogs off, leaving Kasumi alone with nothing but the tear tracks drying on her cheeks. 

Kasumi's not asleep yet - her notebook lies half-finished on her desk and she's staring ferociously at one page, pencil in hand, willing herself to work. 

It hasn't been working. 

The length of the night at Kyoto Jujutsu High seems longer than at home. The darkness seems deeper, the silence more silent. There's only the occasional crunch of tires on rough road as another car pulls up to take a professional sorcerer from the admin area to a mission, or carries one back home to sleep late, and the calls of insects. The scent of blooming mountain hydrangeas drifts through Kasumi's window, open just a crack to let the night air in. 

It's well past one in the morning when she hears the clank. She looks up - it sounded like it came from the hallway. 

She glances at her unfinished notebook. She glances at the door. 

She grabs her sword and heads for the door. 

A hand on the latch is ineffective, but it makes her feel like she's making less noise as she creeps out into the hall in her stocking feet. The hallway is dark and abandoned, the window a smear of pale, moonlit shapes. She turns - and there's Mechamaru standing at the window not two metres away, staring out at the deserted grounds. 

He turns to look at her, seemingly unsurprised. His eyes seem piercingly bright in the dark. 

He waves. 

She waves back. 

He motions towards the dorm exit and cocks his head. 

She nods, and they silently head out, their footfalls as quiet as they can make them on the wood floor. 

The front door of the dorms creaks shut behind them, and they find themselves out in the warm summer night, Kasumi in her stocking feet and Mechamaru in his school uniform. 

Mechamaru speaks first. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" Even murmuring, the equalizer on his speaker makes his voice too loud for inside. 

"No, no," Kasumi says. "I was still working."

"At one in the morning?" 

"Why not?" 

He shrugs. 

"Why are you up?" 

He falls still, eyes fixed on the shifting leaves across the path. "I'm usually up at this time."

"Night owl?" 

"Insomniac." 

"I'm sorry to hear that." Kasumi reaches out and pats his arm, even though it's made of metal. "Let's find somewhere more comfortable to hang out." 

"The roof?"

She laughs. 

"I'm serious. There's a great view."

"Why not?" 

He leads her around the back of the dorms to a tree with high, spreading branches. He can reach it, no problem, but Kasumi's too short so he lifts her into the tree, and she clambers up onto the lowest branch, and the next, staining the knees of her pants green with moss. She sidles along the branches carefully and steps off into the roof, wobbling and trying not to look down. He scampers up and across, surprisingly agile in his complete disregard of personal safety. 

"You move like a squirrel," Kasumi teases. 

"You move like a sloth." He hops onto the tree again and demonstrates - upside down, clinging with all limbs to the branch for dear life. She laughs. 

"Over here," he says, and leads her across the roof, walking across it like it's the sidewalk. She scrambles behind him, always trying to have at least two points of contact with the slope. Trying not to look down. She dreads the way the sound of their feet must drum on the inside roof. She prays they don't wake Kamo. Or Todo. Oh gosh. 

"There's nobody assigned to the dorms below this section of roof," Mechamaru says eventually. "We're safe to move a little." He turns - laughs. "Are you afraid of heights?"

"I'm afraid of breaking my arm," Kasumi says, letting herself down with a thud on the dampish roof. Mechamaru sits down next to her with a creak of springs and gears, painfully audible in the night. They look out over the grounds, the wall separating the school from the admin area, the buildings beyond and the sea of treetops shifting in the distance in the late summer breeze. The moon is waxing, only half of it visible. Out here in the countryside, the stars glitter fiercely and the Milky Way paves a broad path across the sky. 

"Mai comes up here too," Mechamaru says. "So I can't always come, especially at night." 

"She does?" Kasumi tries and fails to picture Mai climbing a tree. 

"Yeah. We avoid each other like wild animals." He chuckles. 

Kasumi hesitates. "I'm… sorry I let Mai…"

"It's not your fault." A dim creak as he moves. 

She nods and just stares at the sky. Mechamaru's silence isn't absolute, just a slight hiss of breathing, a fuzz of background ambience. Kasumi can feel her own heart beating, if she pays attention. It's comforting. 

"Mechamaru, why…" She doesn't know how to finish. There are so many ways to finish - why did you yell at her that day? Why do you hang out with me? Why do you think you're weak?  Why can't I visit you? Why did you invite me out here? Why were you hanging around outside my room? Why do you have to be sick? Why do you have to die? Why, why, why? She supposes it's not exactly the why she wants to know. She just wants to know. 

He chooses her question for her. "I… don't really know why I yelled at her." He pauses. "That's a lie. Sorry. Can I tell you a secret?" 

"Sure." 

"They reminded me of myself."

She looks at him, her lips pursed in a silent question. 

"Like, if you took a picture of me and put it next to Mahito's victims on the board, I'd fit right in, except for the fact that I'm alive and hooked up to tubes and shit." He exhales. "It's embarrassing." 

"Embarrassing isn't really the word that comes to mind for me," Kasumi says mildly, as her brain works at lightspeed trying to process what the Hell he just told her. A billion other descriptors spring to mind. Painful, horrible, nightmarish, to name a few. But embarrassing? 

"Well, it is." His voice is a flat mumble. 

Should she hug him? Is that a sign of pity? She knows on some vague level she shouldn't pity him but honestly it's hard not to, if something so horrible happened to him. If she ignores it, is that awkward or rude? What if he wants something from her? What should she- 

"But please," he says, tripping over his words, "please- please don't think differently of me. That's the opposite of what I want. I don't want you to feel bad for me either, I just - even if I'm - I mean, those people…" He gestures vaguely, and his head drops. "I mean, what I'm trying to say is…"

"Mechamaru…"

"Fuck. What I'm trying to say is I'm a fucking human being. Okay? That's literally the only thing I need you to understand." 

She hugs him. 

It's like hugging a statue, motionless and digging into her. He makes a noise of surprise that sticks in his throat. For a second she remembers herself and pulls back, already blushing in shame, but he wraps his arms around her and hugs her back with a fierce gentleness. "Thank you," he murmurs. 

"Sorry," she says. 

"What is there to be sorry for?" 

"Getting freaked out."

"It's fine. I freak out about it too sometimes." Halfway between an exhale and a laugh. "All the time, actually." 

"Do you mind if I ask…"

"Born this way. My Restriction." 

"Oh." 

She listens to him breathe, for a moment. It doesn't ring out from his chest like normal breath, but from the same speakers his voice comes out of. He doesn't make any breathing motion, nor does he move or have a heartbeat, and all she can hear on the inside is the clicking of machinery. The closer she gets, the more she realizes how far she is from him, really. 

He shifts his hand on her back a little, to hold her shoulder. His arms are so long they can almost wrap all the way around her. "It was supposed to be a Heavenly Restriction so horrible that it would give me the best cursed energy stores in the world in return. But Satoru Gojo's still stronger than me." He pauses. "And Satoru Gojo doesn't even look like he's been mutilated by a supervillain. I want my money back." He laughs, a muffled, awkward, staccato thing, but genuine. Kasumi feels like she shouldn't laugh, but she can't help it. Their giggling tapers away into the calm night. 

She doesn't want to pull away, so she just shifts and squirms until she's lying right next to him, her side pressed up against his. She knows how this looks, how it feels. Her stomach is coiled in knots so tight she can barely notice them over how light she feels. But he doesn't seem to mind. 

"Anyway," he says. "That's just my fucked up life. How're things with you?" 

She laughs. The noise echoes a little in the courtyard below. "They're okay, I guess. My cursed energy's been on a plateau since last year, so that's… a little frustrating." 

She's half-expecting him to say something like, you'll get there, but he just shrugs. "That sucks." 

Kasumi smiles. "Yeah. Well, besides that, I'm looking forward to summer vacation."

"Ah, yes." His voice is dry. "The patented Jujutsu High week-long summer vacation." 

"I mean, can you blame them? There are so many curses around this year..." Though it's not like Kasumi is fighting many of them, but whatever. 

"I guess." 

"Besides," she says, "it's better for you, 'cause everyone's back sooner."

"Meh," he says. "Kamo's staying too, and I only ever really talked to him and Utahime before the Goodwill Event. It's not that big of a difference." A delicate pause. "I'll miss you, though."

"I'll miss you too," she says, grateful for the dark hiding her fierce blush. "And Mai and Momo," she adds, just to make it sound less weird. 

They fall silent again. Kasumi's all too aware of his leg pressing against hers, his arm still under her neck, her head resting on his shoulder, his faint, quick breathing. She's all too aware how they're lying together, entangled, on the roof at night all alone. She's blushing. She feels hot, and then cold. Brave, and then terrified. Something has to happen. Something will happen. 

"Why don't you come with me?" she blurts out. 

"Hm? Where?"

"Home," she says. "To my place, in Tokyo. For vacation! You could stay with my family, and meet my brothers - it'd be fun!" 

He hesitates as if he's about to say no. He'll definitely say no. Right? 

"Really?" he asks. 

"Yeah! Really! I mean, I'd have to convince my mom to let you come, but yeah!"

"...Yeah. I'd like that." A soft smile in his voice. "Thank you." 

"Of course," Kasumi says, and she means it, as if gravity and the universe and God Himself will make her do anything to make him smile like that. "Do you have to ask anyone for permission or anything?"

"Hmm," he says. "I need approval to leave the campus, so I guess I'll ask Utahime. She'll definitely say yes, though. I think she'll like this idea."

"I can't approve of this," says Utahime. 

"What?!" Mechamaru says, at the same time as Kasumi asks, "Why?!" 

Utahime leans forward, balancing her elbows on her desk and putting her pen down with a decisive click. "Mechamaru, I'm overjoyed that you're trying to get outside more–" He stiffens– "but the rules regarding excursions from the school grounds are very strict. A multiple-day-long visit is a long time to be wandering around in civilian territory."

"Oh, not this again. Don't you trust me? Do you think I can't control myself, or something? In case you haven't noticed, the last time I accidentally incinerated a civilian is never, which is more than I can say for some people around here!" 

"That isn't what I'm saying. It's just that you are piloting an extremely dangerous weapon-"

"It's assistive tech," he snaps. "It's like a wheelchair! What about that is so hard to understand? Would you ban someone's wheelchair from leaving campus?" 

"Wheelchairs don't usually come equipped with rocket launchers–" 

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to have rocket launchers on my everyday life mech if you let me register a backup, which is the sane thing to do either way! And it'd improve my quality of life, which I've been telling you for ages!" 

"Mechamaru, stop interrupting me, stay calm and think about this carefully," she says, drawing herself up tall. "Letting your temper get out of hand again is not going to convince me to sign the paperwork. In fact, nothing will. While I'm happy you want to go, I cannot officially approve of this." 

"How am I supposed to stay calm when this whole damn situation is patently insane?! You're telling me I can't leave school grounds for a vacation ?" His voice is getting loud. "And then—and then—you have the fucking gall to tell me I should get out more? Make more friends? While you're actively trapping me here?" Kasumi shrinks back, trying to disappear. 

"You wouldn't be leaving school grounds," she points out, "a robot would. The robot you're currently using is a registered weapon of Jujutsu High, so the higher-ups are keeping tabs on it." 

"Oh, it's not technically my real body, who cares? You know it's the only way I can do anything, but all you do is harp on rules and technicalities–" 

"Because there are supervising parties making sure I don't do or approve anything illegal –" 

"Just shut up! Why don't you ever listen to me? It's my body as much as the one downstairs, and you know it! Just because the higher-ups hate disabled people–" 

"Okay, okay, okay!" Kasumi says, trying to ignore the desperate trill to her voice as she steps forward, making placating gestures. "Come on, Utahime, can't you just make an exception? I asked my mom and she said it's okay!" 

(Well, convincing Kasumi's mom had actually been a days-long process of calling, wheedling, and convincing her that he was actually a very nice friend and not a judgy rich kid at all, that he would not eat them out of house and home, would not take up much space, and so on. In the end the final straw was telling Mom that he was a high-earning, high-ranking sorcerer with a promising future, which wasn't a lie but she felt like trash about it anyway. She made the executive decision not to push her luck with the robot thing.) 

"I wish I could make this simple," Utahime sighs, "but unfortunately, it's not up to me."

"Then who is it up to?" Despite his emotionless face, Mechamaru manages to radiate displeasure. "I'll go give them a piece of my mind." 

"It's not a person in particular, it's policy. Admittedly, Mechamaru, I strongly disagree with it. Still, the higher-ups are my superiors."

"Yeah, well, screw them. They don't know anything about me or my stupid life. I'd like them to live a day in my skin before telling me I can't do what I want." The anger is still there, but not explosive anymore. Now it's a compressed undercurrent, making the edges of his words into harsh, guttural noises. 

"Like I said, I agree. But I can't throw away orders so flippantly. Like it or not, Mechamaru is equipped with extremely destructive technology, and from a detached perspective, it's safer in general to keep that kind of thing under supervision." She drums her fingers on her desk, leans forward with an impatient frown. "Let me put this in a way you may find easier to understand. If we approve one excursion, what's next? Unregistered doubles out in public without the higher-ups' knowledge? I know it's hard to remember, but the higher-ups find it very hard to keep track of what you do. You are living at the cutting edge of cursed engineering, after all." 

"Yeah, 'cause I don't have a choice."

"Mechamaru, you aren't listening to me!" For a second, her voice rises and her eyes flash. She gets to her feet and turns away, then around again, expression blank. "I will say this one more time, and I want you to listen to me. Really listen to the words I'm saying to you. Can you do that?" 

A rancorous groan. "I'm already-"

"Fine, then. Be that way. Miwa, you listen. See if you can talk some sense into him." Kasumi stiffens - What? - but Utahime is already talking. "While I, personally , am overjoyed that you want to go on vacation with Miwa, as a representative of the Kyoto Jujutsu Authority, I cannot approve your leave. There are checks and balances on what I do, and people see the things that I sign, and the higher-ups would not be happy if they found out that I allowed a combat tool off-campus for leisure. Therefore, the administration hereby forbids you from taking this robot off school property. After all, what if you started using other, unregistered robots to do who-knows-what outside of school grounds? It would truly be a disaster, especially since they're so hard to track." She meets Mechamaru's eyes. "Of course, you're a valuable asset to the Kyoto Jujutsu Authority, so we trust you not to do something silly like that. Which is why there's no alerts out for windows to report robot sightings, especially not in the Tokyo area. Is that clear?" 

There's a long pause. 

"Crystal clear, ma'am," Mechamaru whispers. "Thank you." (Kasumi nods vigorously along.)

"Good," says Utahime. "I do hope you'll show up around campus once or twice during the break. After all, if that robot spent the whole week deactivated in your room, I would be obliged to make sure everything's alright. And I'm sure that's not necessary." A sweet smile. "Thank you for your cooperation. Oh, and Miwa?" 

"Yes?" Miwa says carefully. 

Utahime looks at both of them in turn and smiles. "Enjoy your vacation. You deserve it." 

Chapter Text

The plan has to at least pretend to be a secret, so Kasumi's not involved in the gathering of civilian clothes, the smuggling of Mechamaru outside of school grounds. She pretends she doesn't notice it when he vanishes briefly two days before the break and returns a few hours later like nothing happened. When vacation starts, she smiles and waves at him as she leaves in a school car, and he waves back and fades into the distance as she drives away, echoing his promises of see you after the break.

Kasumi's bag is heavy across her lap. It's not the clothes or even her school-sponsored laptop and training sword that worry her so much. It's the stuffed envelope tucked into the inner pocket, with Mom on it in her neatest, prettiest handwriting. 

She shifts to cover the zipper with her hand and shudders. 

She wonders what Mechamaru's new model looks like. If it's any different, if it'll change anything, if his voice will sound different, if he can still fight with it. Not that it matters whether he can fight, she supposes, but it's just that she has a hard time uncoupling Mechamaru from the mental image of giant fiery explosions, and seeing him at a train station? Wearing civilian clothing? It's not a hundred percent new, but it's weird. It feels like the casual civilian place is at odds with Mechamaru, whom her brain firmly places at Jujutsu High. 

She was expecting to be able to spot him immediately. It's not an unreasonable expectation; after all, he's a six-foot robot with cannon arms. But five minutes into trying to navigate the bustling station, she realizes that she is hopelessly lost. 

She hears a laugh behind her. 

When she turns around, she finds a tall guy in some sort of graphic hoodie, sunglasses and a mask waving at her. His right arm is slightly warped, and he's holding a lumpy duffel bag in the other hand. For a second, she starts - then Mechamaru lifts up his sunglasses with one gloved finger to reveal glittering green eyes. He drops them just as quick. 

"Mechamaru!" She runs up to him, sidling through the bustling crowd and clutching her bag handles tight. When she comes closer, he's still laughing. "Hey, what's so funny?" 

"I've been waving for a minute and a half," he says, and takes her bag. "Long time no see."

Kasumi gives him an exhilarated laugh. "You look so different when you're not in uniform!" 

"So do you," he says. "You look nice."

Kasumi feels herself turn pink as she looks down. She's not wearing anything stylish or anything, just a t-shirt and pants, both hand-me-downs from a neighbour. "Thanks! Um, the hoodie, it's… the art is cool."

He straightens up proudly, so fast his hood almost falls off, and the image of the blond kid on his hoodie straightens out. He's staring out at the viewer fiercely. One of his arms is a sword. "Thanks! It's from Fullmetal Alchemist! Shoko got it for me. I've always kinda wanted to wear it out in public but I'm not legally allowed to call attention to myself when I'm going stealth to get to a mission. So." He seems to realize he's getting rambly and cuts himself off with a quick breath. "Uh. Yeah. Got any plans for Tokyo?" 

"Not really," Kasumi confesses. "Mostly I get stuck at home babysitting when I have a vacation." 

"Ah. That sucks."

"B - but that doesn't mean you can't do anything fun," Kasumi assures him with an eager smile. "Is there anything you wanna do?"

"Hmm." He thinks for a second. "Well, I brought some of my work with me, so there is that. I've been meaning to visit Akihabara at some point in my life, so it's a possibility if I have some free time. Plus, me and Panda have a picnic lined up on Wednesday, so…" He pauses. "I could also help around the house. If you wanted." 

"Oh, no, don't trouble yourself! Just have as much fun as you can," Kasumi urges him, shuffling her feet. 

"Hah. It might do me some good to have rest days once in a while. And I have until Sunday." 

"Thursday," Kasumi corrects him. 

"Huh. Really?"

"I mean, we could spend a few more days in Tokyo," Kasumi says, "but we wouldn't have a home base. I told Mom we'd leave Thursday morning."

"Why?" 

"I… have work to do." Kasumi's face goes hot and her stomach squirms. She pauses, then decides, screw it. "I mean I love them and all but being at home is tiring and Sunday is church and I have so much work and then…"

"Oh." He doesn't seem so bothered. "Yeah. Even so, I think I will have to plan some rest days, if that's alright with you."

"Oh, yeah, of course! This must be really tiring for you. Being away from the school for so long, is that weird?"

"Not really." A whirring shrug. "Ultimate's still there, you know?" 

"Ultimate?" 

"It's the name of that model."

"What's the name of this model?" She eyes it up and down, trying to see what's different about it. Besides the arm, not much seems to have changed. Maybe it's a little bulkier? 

"I dunno, it's just scrap I threw together. You can name it if you want."

"Oh, okay! I'm gonna name it, um…" Kasumi squints at it really really hard. "Satoshi." 

"Satoshi?" A startled laugh. "I usually go for numbers or adjectives." 

"Nope! This one's Satoshi. Spell it with the kanji for 'clever.' A proper name for a proper civilian!" She reaches up and pats the robot's cheek jokingly, which makes a hollow metal thunk as she hits it. Mechamaru makes a small noise of surprise, which only makes Kasumi blush. Get it together! She wonders if Mom will make them sleep in the same room. She wouldn't, right? Ugh, she does not want to think about this. 

"Satoshi it is," Mechamaru says with a decisive nod, over the growing noise of their train arriving. 

"Maybe I should introduce you to my family as Satoshi." 

"Oh God, do not."

The apartment building Mom moved into with Kasumi's new salary feels cramped, and hopelessly urban compared to the green temple sprawl of campus. For a moment, Kasumi hesitates outside the plain white door to her apartment. Should she knock? But no, that's ridiculous, right? It's her own home. Despite everything that's happened, it's her own home. 

She straightens up, grips the doorknob firmly and enters, calling, "I'm home!" 

And it all hits her all at once. The hallway is painted the same chipped beige as her childhood apartment, the hall table still made of pitted plastic. A vase of fake dusty baby blue flowers sits at the window, and the shoe rack is covered in grimy sneakers and boots, with one neat space for her own. 

She smiles, stepping onto the cracked tile, breathing in the scent of juice and cigarette smoke, sunlight and detergent. 

"Kasumi!" Mom calls, a smile on her face. She rushes down the hallway and scoops Kasumi into a big, warm hug. She smells like home, and she's so warm, her hair damp from some recent shower. Kasumi could almost cry. "I missed you! Oh, you've gotten so big! Let me get a good look at you - is that a pimple I see? Are you washing your face at school? Oh, I'm just teasing, honey. I'm so glad to have you back, your brothers are driving me up the wall. Are they feeding you well? How was your semester?" 

"Good, good, it was good!" Kasumi's smile is muffled against her shoulder as she hugs her back. "How about you?" 

"Oh, same as always, same as always." She lets her go. "Ah! And this must be your friend! Come in, don't be shy! That's one impressive mask you have there! I'm Naoko, Kasumi's mom. It's a pleasure." 

"Likewise." Mechamaru nods and bows, stepping through the doorway. "Thank you for having me," he says formally. "I am-" 

"Kasumi!" Kenji comes careening down the hallway, nothing but a black and red blur in his racecar hoodie. He practically bounces off the far wall and bowls Kasumi over with a tackle-hug. 

She scoops him up and spins him around and around. "Kenji, you got so tall! Have you been eating your vegetables?" She ruffles his hair. "Looks like you need a haircut!" 

"I'm growing it out," he complains, squirming in her grasp. 

"Oh nice! Since when?" 

"Last month." 

"And you're already at a few inches! Impressive!" She sets him down. "Where's Hiroki?" 

"Oh, he's been in his room for hours. On his phone," Mom says, rolling her eyes. "I'll go get him. You two make yourselves at home." She disappears around the corner. "Hiroki! Come give your sister a hug, don't be rude!" 

"Well," Kasumi says, turning to Mechamaru with a big smile, "come on in."

"Yeah… thanks." He looks so out of place, here, with all his sharp edges, every inch of his body designed to be battle-ready. He shuffles down the hallway, carrying Kasumi's bag and his duffel bag sideways so they don't drag against the walls.

Before he reaches the end of the hall, Hiroki turns the corner, his earbuds still draped around his neck. His hair dye is wearing off, showing slight hints of deep twilight blue under the black. "Hey. Good to see you."

Apparently he's too cool for tackle-hugs now! Well, boy, does Kasumi have news for him. Now it's her turn to run and close the gap. "Hiroki!" she exclaims, squeezing him as hard as she can. "I missed you! You're so tall!" 

"You're squishing me," he complains. 

"Sorry, sorry!" She laughs and lets him go. "I'm just so glad to see you again!"

"Yeah, I'm glad to see you too." His eyes focus on Mechamaru down the hall. "Hey, Mom told me you were bringing a friend. Is this the guy?"

"Yep! Mechamaru, meet my little brother Hiroki. Hiroki, meet my friend and classmate, Mechamaru."

"Mechamaru?" Hiroki looks at him skeptically. "Is that a nickname or something?"

"Not as far as I know. Why?"

"Well, it's just that he has the exact same name as a character from this one obscure mecha anime–" 

"Destiny Tracers!" Mechamaru bursts out, sounding more excited than Kasumi's ever heard him. "You watch it?" 

"No shit!" 

"Don't swear," Kasumi chides him. 

"Dude, shut up!" Hiroki shoves her arm. "Oh my God, I've never met another–

"–person who watches it!" Mechamaru literally finishes his sentence. "Yeah, it's a nickname, I totally stole it - nobody's recognized it before!"

"Yeah, no kidding! It's so underrated!"

"Right?! I mean, it got totally snubbed for advertising–"

"Right! And the hiatus didn't help–" 

"-I couldn't even get my hands on the DVD and I can't find Season Two anywhere on the Internet-" 

"Dude, I have a box set-" 

"Whoa," Mom says from behind Kasumi. "Look at them go, huh?" 

"I didn't even know Mechamaru could sound that excited," Kasumi says, a little bewildered. 

"You two," Mom calls. "I'm not the only human in this room, am I? Help move those bags in." 

"Okay, okay! Jeez!" Hiroki waves her off. 

"Hiroki." 

"Sorry, Mom." 

"It's alright, I'll carry them both," Mechamaru says absentmindedly, then turns his full attention on Hiroki once more. "So, who's your favourite?"

"Oh, man. I really like Kouro."

"Solid choice! I don't know why they changed her design in the later half."

"I thought it was production stuff?" Hiroki shrugs. "It seriously sucked though."

"No, it was like that in the manga too! It was to show development or whatever. I think it was just fanservice, really… my favourite is obviously Mechamaru."

"Dude, really?" Hiroki laughs. "But he's such a dick!" 

"Well - yes," Mechamaru says, "but I thought he was kind of cool! It's not his fault he…" 

They pass around the corner and their chattering fades a little, leaving Kasumi kind of in shock. 

"Well," she says. "I didn't even know that was a nickname."

"You didn't know Mechamaru was a nickname?" Kenji grins. 

"Oh, shush. There's a guy in the other school whose real name is Panda."

"Seriously?"

"Mhm. Jujutsu High is full of weirdos. You can't take your chances with stuff like that." She shrugs. "I wonder what his real name is."

"You don't know?" 

"'Course I don't, silly. I've known him as Mechamaru for two years." She ruffles Kenji's long hair. "Let's go get our beds sorted."

They turn the corner to find Mechamaru and Hiroki still talking at breakneck speed. Mechamaru has his hood down and his mask off, now, and is poised atop their bags, probably not sure where to put them. Hiroki is perched on the back of the ragged corduroy couch, and he breaks off when she comes in to say, "Man, Kasumi, you never told me you had cool friends!" 

"Ouch," she laughs. "I'm telling Momo you said that." 

"Go ahead! Unless she watches Destiny Tracers there is no way she can top this."

"Are you a robot?" Kenji asks, tiptoeing up to him and poking his leg. 

"Hey, don't touch me." Mechamaru shies away. "I..." He looks at Kasumi, like, help!

"Um!" Kasumi steps in and pulls Kenji away from him quickly, ignoring Kenji's whining. Your call, she mouths at him. 

He glances from side to side quickly as if looking for something to say. "Ah… no. I'm not," he says. "Just can't leave my house so I sort of… think of it as Skype calling in but it's a whole robot." 

"Why can't you leave your house?" Kenji asks. 

Kasumi winces and goes to shush him, but Mechamaru shakes his head at her. "I'm sick," he says shortly. 

"Ohhh! Like how I'm not allowed to go to school when I'm sick?" Kenji makes a face. "How come I don't get a robot?" 

"Not that kind of sick," Mechamaru says. "I was born with it, it's not contagious." Kenji pouts, but before he can interrupt again, Mechamaru hastily adds, "I just have to stay at home and get lots of rest, okay?"  

"Oh. Okay!" Kenji smiles at him. 

"Is that why you named yourself Mechamaru?" Hiroki asks.

"Uh, yeah, more or less."

"Oh. Wow. Cool." He shuffles his feet and nods, old enough to have some sense of awkwardness about this kind of thing. "That's cool. I mean, good for you." 

"Yeah," Mechamaru says, their two awkward silences joining to form one extra-super-mega-awkward silence, like Dragonball (see, Kasumi can reference anime too!). 

"Do you have an energy beam?" Kenji asks, breaking the silence. Hiroki looks grateful. 

Kasumi can't see Mechamaru's face, but he seems grateful too. "I do, actually."

"Whoaaa!" He goes all starry-eyed. "Can I see it?" 

Mechamaru laughs. "Absolutely not." 

"Why not?" Kenji whines.

"It's not safe," Mechamaru says, then, "Wow, I sound like Utahime. Alright, you can see the cannon, but I'm not going to fire it for you." He bends down and shows Kenji the hole in his palm. "This is the end of the cannon, right here." 

"Where's the trigger and fuel?"

"I trigger it with my mind, and the fuel is my... uh... how much do you know about what your sister does?"

"She fights cool monsters with a sword!" Kenji cheers. 

"Right. My power is stored up inside my body."

"Like a fuel tank?"

"Well... I guess, sort of. It's more like magic." 

"That's sooooo cool. Can you lift really heavy stuff? Do you fight evil with it? Can you fly? Like Iron Man?"

"Yes, yes, and I'm working on it." 

Hiroki's eyes go wide. "You're working on flying? No shit," he says. "That's so cool. So you built this thing?"

"Yep, designed it myself."

"That is so cool." He steps forward, reaching for Mechamaru. 

Mechamaru steps away again. "Hey, hey," he says, scowling. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I just wanted to see..."

"Alright, stop. It's not a toy. Please take this seriously." 

"Oh. Sorry. Can I see your arm cannon thingy too, please?"

"...Sure." He bends down to show Hiroki his 'arm cannon thingy', but at that moment, Mom comes in. 

"Stop harassing him, you two," she says, "we need to get the sleeping situations sorted out." 

"It's alright," Mechamaru says, sounding almost surprised at himself. "I don't really mind. I'll show you the cannon later, I guess." 

"You better!" Hiroki says. 

"Mom, I'm hungry," says Kenji. 

"I'll make something," Kasumi says.

"Nonsense," Mom interrupts. "Kenji, you're not hungry, you're just bored. Wait for dinner. Where is everyone sleeping?"

"I'm not moving," Hiroki says. 

"Neither am I!" Kenji chimes in.

"Right," she says. "Kasumi, I guess you're sleeping on the couch, and our guest can have your bed."

"Oh, I don't need a bed," Mechamaru says, sounding deeply embarrassed. "It's alright. A charging port will be enough."

"A…" Mom blinks, like her brain just short-circuited. "Excuse me?"

"Mom," Kasumi says carefully, "maybe we can talk about this with just us three, since Kenji and Hiroki aren't moving?"

"Yes, yes, okay. Clear out, you two."

"Fine," Hiroki groans, and shuffles away to his bedroom again, putting in his earbuds. Kenji whines, but Mom shoos him off and he finally leaves, probably to go bother Hiroki. 

"Right," she says, "so what's this about a charging port?" She looks at Kasumi, like, Is this guy for real? 

"I don't know what Miwa told you about me-" Mechamaru starts.

Mom interrupts him. "Oh, goodness, you can't call her Miwa when we're all in the same family, it'll be so confusing. You had better call her Kasumi." Kasumi's heart stutters, but she doesn't dare say anything.

Mechamaru glances at her. "Uh… okay. What was I…? Oh. Right. How much did she tell you?"

"Just that you were a very accomplished sorcerer she wanted to invite over for vacation. I must say, it's not quite what I was expecting!" 

"Right. Well, that… sounds like an oversight." He's still speaking formally with a nervous tone. "I guess it's my fault for not… ahem, regardless, I don't need a bed at all."

"Well, don't you sleep?" she asks, bewildered. "I can't put a guest on the couch." 

"The situation is," Mechamaru says quietly, "this is an automaton, not my real body. Think of it as if I'm Skyping into my life. During the night, I'll simply hang up. All I need is a place to plug in the robot when it's not in use, and I'll be fine. I promise it won't take much energy, barely more than a toaster, and your grid will be fine… I'll even pay for the electricity."

"O - oh. An automaton? I see." But she rallies quickly. "But, goodness, I wouldn't dream of letting you pay! What kind of family do you think we are?" she says, and looks at Kasumi in a way that lets her know that somehow or another, she'll be paying for the extra electricity, and for not telling Mom in advance about this. "So, what, is this some sort of… jujutsu thing?" She raises an eyebrow. "Why not come in person? Too busy?" (Kasumi winces internally.) 

"I'd be here if I could," he says awkwardly, "but I'm… uh, I'm unfortunately housebound with a severe chronic illness. I hope you can understand and make allowances for my situation." He bows. 

"...Ah," Mom says, once her brief expression of confusion has recovered into a pitying look. "That is such a shame. You seem like a very bright young man." She shakes her head and tuts, patting Mechamaru's shoulder. "God bless you, you poor thing. You may use any charger in the house, of course. You just take care and get well soon." 

"...Thanks." There's a bit of a tense edge to his voice. "I'll go help... Kasumi unpack, then." It's the strangest thing - Kasumi was expecting to be bothered by him calling her by her personal name, but she's just… really nervous.

"Oh, how considerate. Thank you."

Mechamaru takes his duffel bag and Kasumi's suitcase and heads off down the hall - and pauses. "Where's your room?"

"This way." Oh, gosh, oh, gosh. Her room is only technically her room, since she was already at Jujutsu High when they moved into this apartment on the bonus from the Night Parade. It is at this point mostly left for storage, but nonetheless plastered with her middle school belongings - he is going to see all of her Kanjani Eight posters and there's nothing she can do about it. "Um, by the way, I haven't redecorated since middle school so–"

He opens the door. "Wow."

She squeaks in embarrassment. 

He enters the room and sets the duffel bag and suitcase down. "This is a tiny room." 

Well, that's not what she was expecting to be judged for. "We're poor, okay?"

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't judging, I just... there's so much stuff in it." He wanders forward, onto the carpet, and ghosts his fingers across her pictures. The eggshell white of the walls reflects off his bronze head, making an interesting yellowish cast round the edges. "This is a lot of pictures. Did your mom put these here?" 

"No. I did."

"Lots of sports, I see…"

"Yep! I was pretty good." She throws herself down on the bed and watches him. 

"Yeah, no kidding." He wanders around and examines her posters, her stuffed animals, the little clay charms on her desk (made with middle school friends she doesn't talk to anymore), the wooden cross above her bed. Even the tattered, quilted comforter. 

"I - I'm sorry about Mom, by the way," Kasumi says. 

"It's fine," he says absentmindedly. 

"Well, yeah, but I mean… she was so… and she told you to get well soon, and… "

He shrugs. "Annoying, I guess. No offense." He sighs. "It's not like I was expecting anything different." 

Kasumi can practically feel her blood curdle. Thanks a lot, Mom. "No, but just… she was so… weird about it, and she's not usually like that, I just…"

"Utahime was like that too at first. It'll get better when she realizes I'm not actually a mopey, huggable inspirational poster model." 

A hesitant smile makes its way back onto her face. "But you are mopey and huggable," Kasumi teases, rolling over onto her back. 

"I am not."

"You are too." 

"Am not!" 

"Are too!" 

"Damn, you got me there. I guess she'll have to coo at me like an injured kitten forever."

"Maybe she'll make me babysit you." Kasumi lets her head droop off the edge of the bed and grins up at him, upside down. 

"Hah!" His laugh is sharp and echoing. "Nah. It's my job to babysit you. Make sure you don't wander off in any more shopping malls." 

"Oh, be quiet!" Kasumi pulls herself upright and throws a pillow at him. 

He tries to throw it back at her, but she's ready with a stuffed animal to parry. The battle begins in earnest. 

They arrive at dinner late and slightly feathery. Mom gives Kasumi a dirty look, but she doesn't really care, just sits down with a mirthful glance at Mechamaru. He doesn't have any expressions, of course, but the conspiratorial tilt of his head and shoulders tell her everything as he sits down in the spare chair someone pulled up to the table. 

Kasumi presses down a giggle and turns back to Mom, ignoring the weird looks she's getting from Hiroki and Kenji. "Ahem," she says. "Sorry, took a while longer than I thought to get settled in. I'll help with dinner tomorrow, I promise."

Mom's lips press into a thin line, but before she can say anything, Mechamaru adds, "I can help tomorrow too, if you'd like." Which, yeesh. Kasumi can't blame him, but gosh, she really wishes she'd warned him not to offer any help around the house. 

Mom's stern expression softens out into that same smile from earlier. "We wouldn't dream of it," she says sweetly. "Kasumi should take care of her chores on her own." 

Kasumi nods emphatically, hoping he'll get the gist.

"Uh," he says. "Right. Thank you." 

Kasumi silently thanks God. 

Mom smiles. "Of course. Now, let us take a moment to be grateful that we can all be together as a family, with Kasumi joining us, and that we have the good fortune to meet a friend. It is time for grace." She lowers her head, clasps her hands, closes her eyes. Kasumi does the same. "Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts…"

As Mom says grace, Kasumi's mind drifts to the stuffed envelope, still tucked away in the inner pocket of her bag, and she swallows the jittering in her stomach hard. She tries to feel more grateful than nervous. It'll be fine, she tells herself. It'll be great. It's a good thing. There's no reason to be nervous, don't be silly. 

"...Amen," Mom says, and Kasumi and Kenji and Hiroki chorus, "Amen." Mechamaru doesn't say anything. 

"Right," Mom says. "Dig in!" 

Kasumi can't help but notice that poor Mechamaru's left sitting in front of an empty placemat as Hiroki, Kasumi and Kenji eat. Thankfully (or maybe unfortunately?) Mom doesn't start eating immediately, but turns to Mechamaru. "So, tell us about yourself," she says warmly. "It's so nice to have someone from Kasumi's school over. We hear you're a very accomplished fighter." 

"Y… yeah," Mechamaru says, "yes. I am." 

"It's wonderful that your work gives you a chance to get involved and really contribute to society," she says. 

"Yeah," he says flatly. "It's pretty cool." Kasumi winces at him. He shrugs at her. 

"So? What is it like?" Mom encourages him, starting in on her curry rice. 

"It's… busy," he says. "There's an increasing number of missions, and not enough sorcerers to go around, so depending on circumstance someone could go for ten or twelve missions in a week if they're high-grade. Especially during the spring, which is the busiest season." He pauses. "The pay is good. I can keep my robot repaired and in working order. The bureaucracy is a little insane, though." 

"Mm! Isn't it always." Mom laughs. 

"Yeah. The, uh, the benefits aren't great either. I mean, I'm a ward of the school so they have to take care of me but apparently the adults don't get good… insurance? I don't know," he says. "It's - it's alright. Very dangerous, though. That's all."

"What's the biggest monster you ever killed?" Kenji asks through a mouthful of rice.

"Kenji, don't talk with your mouth full, please," Kasumi says on instinct. 

"Sorry," Kenji says through his rice. 

"Probably this giant squid… or, it was a kraken, I guess," Mechamaru says. "I killed it on the coast. It was, like, the size of a whale."

"I saw a squid once!" Kenji informs him blithely. "It was in the ocean!" 

"Oh. You did?"

"Yeah! It was super long and-"

"It was a piece of driftwood," Hiroki says. "stop saying you saw a squid, Kenji, they only live at the bottom of the ocean."

"No, it was there! I saw it!"

"How did you kill the big squid?" Hiroki asks Mechamaru, ignoring Kenji entirely. 

"I… think I blew it up. Does it matter?" 

"Of course it matters! Are you crazy? That's so cool! You blew up a giant squid?"

"It wasn't an actual squid," Mechamaru says. "It was a cursed spirit that looked like a squid." 

"Dude, that's literally badass!"

"Hiroki," Mom says sharply. 

"Sorry, bad… butt." 

"It wasn't very cool," Mechamaru says. "I came out covered in rotting fish guts. They even reprimanded me because I 'disturbed the tourists,' and ended up rejecting my promotion to first-grade over it. I thought they were already disturbed by being murdered by a giant squid monster, but what do I know?" 

Kasumi stifles a laugh. "Is that why you smelled like that?"

"Oh, yeah."

"The classroom smelled like spoiled takoyaki for days!" she informs a wide-eyed Hiroki and Kenji. "Our teacher had to evacuate and we held class outside for a week!" 

"Yeah," Mechamaru says. "It was annoying." He pauses. "But it paid, like, a hundred and fifty thousand yen bonus for half an hour's work, so… not all that bad, money-wise. I've seen better given the trouble. But by time spent fighting, not bad. That's a first-grade for you, I guess…"

The table falls silent. Mom's eyes go round. 

"...Sorry, did I say something wrong?"

It's Kasumi's job to clean the kitchen. Mechamaru hovers awkwardly, banned from helping her clean, until she sends him away to her room to find a place to put his things. It's an excuse, really, to keep him busy. It's finally time. 

Once everyone has dispersed, Kasumi grabs that envelope from her bag and pulls Mom away from her TV drama into the living room. "Mom," she says, already jittery. "Can I talk to you in private about something?"

"Well, sure," Mom says. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. The… the thing is, I've been going on better missions lately. I wasn't allowed to before, but now I am, because Mechamaru lets me come with him on his assignments."

She frowns. "Kasumi, that sounds dangerous."

"It's okay! Mechamaru is one of the best fighters I know, and he promised to protect me."

"Well, he does seem polite, but I don't know if he's really capable of… and besides, he said he blows things up. Don't you think that's a bit violent?" 

"No, but, Mom, look at this. Look. This is just two missions' worth." She pulls out the envelope from her jacket, unable to be patient anymore, her breath itching to come in quick, excited bursts. What is she even afraid of? "Just look before you say anything. Please." 

"Kasumi-"

She tears it open. 

She knows what's inside. She doesn't need to look. For all the nights she spent counting it up, meticulously dividing half of her income to be sent immediately, half to be saved here. Half to pile up untouched no matter what, hidden under her mattress in her crappy dorm room even though she knows nobody at school would steal it. Four hundred seventy six thousand yen go spilling across the dining room table. 

Mom's eyes go very, very wide. 

She scrambles to pick them up, bill by bill, grasping as if they'll disappear, her mouth moving silently as she counts up the tally. Kasumi already knows the amount, she counted it five times. That's enough to pay for months of rent, and she earned it with a few days of work. Not even. Like, four or five hours, maybe. And bruises and cuts that are still healing up, and a persistent nightmare where she can't breathe. 

"Kasumi," Mom gasps, and then Kasumi can't breathe past the tight hug she gives her. 

"I can keep going," Kasumi says, tears already spilling down her cheeks. "I can keep going on missions. They're not so bad, Mom, I swear. As long as Mechamaru is with me, I know I can do it." 

"Oh, Kasumi," Mom sobs. "My precious girl." She kisses her on the forehead, buries her face in Kasumi's hair. The bills are still clutched tightly in her fists. "Please be careful. Please, please, please be careful." 

It's as much of a blessing as she's going to get. 

"I will, Mom," Kasumi whispers. "Thank you. I will. I will."

Chapter Text

"Kasumi, wake up, Mom says we're going shopping!" 

Kasumi opens her eyes. Above her is the bright ceiling of her room with little glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on it. Also above her is Kenji's face, upside down. His breath smells like pancakes. 

She shoves him off with a loving grin. "What did I tell you about coming in my room without knocking? You stink!" 

"But Mom says I have to wake you up so you can wake up your friend! 'Cause we're all going shopping and she says I can get whatever I want!" 

"Okay, okay! Now get out while I get dressed."

"Hurry!" he says, then in a flash he's the door. 

Kasumi changes quickly, trying to ignore the strangeness of yanking clothes out of her suitcase when her old dresser is right there. She brushes her teeth and hair, then heads out to the living room, where Mom is making pancakes. 

"Uh, aren't you supposed to be at work today?" 

"Oh, come on now! I can take a day off every once in a while to make a big breakfast for our star kid!" Mom passes Kasumi a plate with at least five pancakes on it, hugs her, kisses her on the forehead, ruffles her hair and smiles. "Good morning, Kasumi! How did you sleep?" 

"Good! Thanks!" Kasumi beams. So, Mom's in a good mood today. Good to know. "Um, this is a lot, do Kenji and Hiroki want any?" 

"They've already eaten. I'm using up all the mix, we can buy more later today."

"Mornin', Kasumi," Hiroki says over his plate of pancakes. 

"Good morning." Kasumi remembers, and her heart swells. "Right. Okay. Kenji told me we're going shopping." She'll have to do her studying after that, then, if she wants to get ahead… 

"You're dang right we are! Come on, eat that, wake your friend up and let's get a move on."

Ah. No time, then. "Mm-hm!" She sits down and mows through her pancake stack, then tries to go and wash her plate. 

Mom takes it right out of her hands with a smile. "I'll take care of it. Go on, relax a little. You're on vacation."

Whoa. What happened to clean the house if you want your friend to stay? What happened to okay, but you're taking care of your brothers? What happened to the passive-aggression she was expecting for lying to her about Mechamaru, the uptightness about a stranger staying in their house, and a teenage boy at that? 

"...Sure."

Mechamaru is slumped over with a charger cord connecting him to the wall, the early morning sunlight streaming through the window and glancing off his head, casting bronze highlights through the room. He's still wearing the same outfit as yesterday, and he's so still, he almost looks like part of the furniture. 

She bends down and taps him on the shoulder. "Mechamaru?"

He comes to life, his eyes turning on, his insides clicking and beeping and whirring. "Mm?" he says, still sounding distracted. "Good morning, Miwa. I mean, Kasumi. I mean, should I call you Miwa when your mom's not around? I…"

She tries not to blush. "Kasumi is fine." 

"Oh. Then-" He hesitates, smiling. "Then good morning, Kasumi."

"Good morning." She can't stifle her nervous grin. "How are things?"

"...Fine. You?"

"Good! We're going shopping, wanna come?" 

"Y… yeah, okay, sure! Just give me a minute to wake myself up before I face Kenji and Hiroki." He unplugs himself, stands up, and starts rolling his joints one by one, maybe to test them out. "No offence." 

She giggles and stands up too, leaning on the armrest of the couch. "None taken. I know what you mean." 

"I would have expected your mom to give us a rest day before we do anything."

"Well, I gave her the money from the missions last night and she seems to have gone a little crazy. Well, not that I can blame her." Kasumi smiles affectionately. "Our rent money just got freed up. I think she just wants to buy Kenji and Hiroki some toys."

"Holy shit," Mechamaru says. "Yeah, no kidding."

"By the way, um, thank you," Kasumi says, staring down at the floor. She should probably look him in the eyes, but ah, jeez, this is hard enough as is. "For letting me come on missions with you. I know it's just for fun in your case, and I know I drag you down and it's probably out of pity and stuff, but that money, it's really helping my family. I mean, you should see Mom in there, she's happier than I've seen her in… a long time. I just... thank you." 

"Hey, yeah, of course," Mechamaru says, his voice a little awkward, but gentle. "And it's not out of pity. Together we can make a good team, since your short-range defense is a great balance to my offense. If anything, you must be pitying me, hanging out with me when I'm like this."

"What's that supposed to mean, exactly?" 

"Oh, you know, just… depressing. Not fun to be around."

Kasumi's stomach clenches. "Don't say stupid crap like that," she says primly, swatting his shoulder. "You are very fun to be around." 

"If you say so," he says. "Either way, if it really means that much to you, we can go on more missions. Alright?" 

"Really?!" She squeaks with joy, which is a little embarrassing. "Oh my gosh, thank you! You're the best!" 

"Of course," he repeats. "Now, let's go face your brothers, shall we?" 

Before she can even reply, Kenji barrels into the living room at top speeds. "Stop hugging! We're going to the toy store!" he bellows. "Hurry hurry hurry hurry!"

"Okay, okay!" Kasumi laughs and goes to put on her shoes. "Come on, then, let's go!"

On the bus, Mom pesters Mechamaru incessantly with questions. So, how high are you in the rankings? Do they really pay you well? And what sort of people are these "higher ups"? Kasumi gives him many empathetic looks, which he returns with a morose tilt of the head that almost has his sunglasses and mask sliding off entirely. Kasumi's hands are full, though. Kenji bounces off the walls basically all the way there, and she has to work hard to keep him from accidentally annoying other people on the subway by singing the Power Rangers theme too loud. Luckily, they seem to think he's cute. Mechamaru still gets some odd looks despite his disguise - maybe the shape of him seems off. 

When they get to the fancy supermall, the parking lot is packed with colourful cars, shining in the morning sun. At the doors, Mom pulls them all aside and hands Kasumi and Mechamaru one crisp green 10,000 yen bill. Kasumi takes it gingerly, as if it's made of glass, and folds it into her breast pocket. 

"Go take Kenji and Hiroki to the toy store and get something to eat," Mom tells them. "I'm going to get groceries. I'll meet you here at five past noon, so don't dilly-dally."

"Got it! Thanks, Mom." Kasumi kisses her on the cheek.

She smiles apologetically at Mechamaru and Kasumi. "I'm sorry to saddle you with babysitting when you've already done so much for us," she says. 

"Oh, I don't mind," Mechamaru says, "your kids are cool."

At the same time, Kasumi goes, "Hey, of course," still a little stunned that Mom's actually apologizing for making her babysit. She might as well have randomly started speaking French.

Mom smiles bright and seems younger than before. "You're such lovely kids. Enjoy yourselves." To Kenji and Hiroki: "Kasumi and her friend will look after you, so don't cause too much trouble, okay? I'll see you in a bit." 

"R-right! See ya!" Hiroki calls. 

"Chaaarge!" Kenji says, and plunges forwards into the mall. 

"Hey, wait!" Kasumi dashes off after him. Behind her, Hiroki and Mechamaru both grumble and follow.

They catch up with Kenji at the biggest toy store in the mall, where he's already darting in and out of the shelves, looking at every single Transformers action figure imaginable. Hiroki looks up at all of it, wide-eyed. Kasumi can't help but feel a little overwhelmed too, to be honest. The place stretches seemingly to infinity, a glittering and eyebleedingly bright expanse of shelves lit by fluorescent lights above. Toy trains, bikes, Barbies, a life-sized Buzz Lightyear, everywhere she looks there's a new colour, a new font, new bubble letters proclaiming the names of the contents of their boxes brightly. 

"Whoa, shit," Mechamaru breathes, and then glances around as if trying to make sure no children heard him swear. He clears his throat. "Hey, um… Kasumi?" 

She looks at him, and the dark fabric of his mask is a relief to her eyes. Two overwhelmed Kasumis stare uncomprehendingly back at her from the reflections in his sunglasses. 

A pause. "I'll keep track of Hiroki if you take Kenji," he says.

"Sure," Kasumi says with a nervous grin. "Just like a mission."

"Mm-hm. Just like a mission." He nods and turns to Hiroki. "You look a little overwhelmed." 

"I'm alright," he replies. "Do you think they have Destiny Tracers stuff here?"

"Let's go find out!" And they head off.

Meanwhile, Kasumi follows Kenji around as he ducks and weaves like a little ninja through the aisles, fixing his messes as he goes and intermittently begging him to please stop messing up the shelf arrangement. He's too excited to listen. "Kasumi Kasumi Kasumi Kasumi!" he calls through the shelves. "Come see, they have Transformers! Look, this one turns into a truck! Looklooklook!" 

"Please don't mess with them too much," Kasumi begs. "You're gonna break them!"

"Mom said we can buy whatever we want! You break it, you buy it, right?" His round face pops out from behind a shelf, clutching a figurine of a big grey robot. "Come on, please?"

"We have to think about what we're spending money on," she pleads, but he's already vanished again. 

He eventually gathers up a full armful of stuff, but it tallies up to over the 10,000 yen they have, and it's supposed to be split between Hiroki, Kenji, and food, so Kasumi vetoes it. Begrudgingly, he gets rid of all of it except for one Bumblebee action figure and a ridiculously overpriced soccer ball that really could be bought at a thrift store. 

When they meet back up with Mechamaru and Hiroki, Mechamaru is holding one large figurine and Hiroki is holding a poster. "They had one single figurine!" Mechamaru announces proudly. "Had to ask the staff, but they had it!" He hands her the box with the figurine inside. It says: THE AMAZING OUTRAGE TRACER!!!! The mech inside is shiny and red, emblazoned with a symbol Kasumi doesn't recognize. 

"It's really expensive," she observes. "Hiroki, are you sure you want this?"

"Oh, he's not the one buying it," Mechamaru interrupts. "It's mine now, and I can pay for you guys too."

"Oh, we can't possibly–" Kasumi starts, but Hiroki elbows her sharply. 

"Don't be a killjoy," he hisses. 

"Excuse me!" Kasumi hisses back. "Don't elbow me!" 

"Don't worry about it!" Mechamaru says brightly, seemingly either not noticing or ignoring them. "Come on, let's get going." Before Kasumi can even say anything else, he's already heading to the cash with a spring in his step. 

"Does this mean that I can get the Bulkhead action figure?" Kenji asks. 

"You–" Kasumi starts, but Mechamaru cuts her off. 

"Yes, you can! Go get it and let's get some– um, the, those, uh, those little twisty breads–"

"Pretzels?" Hiroki suggests. 

"Yes! Pretzels!" 

"Yes!" Kenji rushes off through the shelves to rescue it. 

"Mechamaru," Kasumi chides half-heartedly. 

"What?" he asks, and she can practically see the guilty smile on his face, and she laughs.

Once they've checked out and everyone is hugging their toys, they head to the pretzel place. Mechamaru and Kasumi fall behind, like parents watching their kids - nope. She's not thinking about that.

"So, how are you liking your visit so far?" she asks, as Kenji bumps into a passerby and Hiroki apologizes for him. 

"It's amazing. This is the best day ever." He sounds like a giddy little kid, still clutching the box with his figurine. "Thank you so much for inviting me."

"Of course! This is all thanks to you, after all. The only reason we can afford to spend like this is because of all that money from the missions."

"I'm glad," he says. "Want me to pay for the pretzels too?"

"Mechamaru, no," Kasumi sighs. "At some point we have to pay for our own stuff. Don't you have your own stuff to spend it on? Stuff that makes you happy?"

"You make me happy," he says, and then, apparently unaware of the metaphorical hammer of giddy nerves that he just dropped on Kasumi: "Sorry, is it overbearing or - condescending or whatever? I can stop. I guess there's not much I can do except throw money at problems. Or, uh, explosions, but, you know, shopping mall full of civilians, so that's a last resort."

"You're already doing great," Kasumi says, hoping he doesn't notice how red she is. "Don't worry about it. You can pay for the pretzels, if you really want to."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Well, I'm not gonna say no to free money." 

He laughs. "Fair enough." 

He pays for the pretzels, which they both agree look disgustingly sugary. Kasumi decides she'll have lunch when she gets home, so only Kenji and Hiroki end up eating as they unpackage their toys with sticky, sugary fingers. ("What does it taste like?" Mechamaru asks, fascinated, and Hiroki tries his level best to explain the taste of a pretzel in simple terms while Kenji just cheers, "Delicious!") 

The kids settle down a little bit after that, sitting down to unpackage their toys. From the next table over, Kasumi and Mechamaru watch them bicker. Kasumi feels a small smile creep onto her face. The soft babbling of conversation echoes through the food court to fill the silence. Kasumi feels Mechamaru's eyes on her, but she keeps looking at Hiroki and Kenji, all too aware of her hand on the table a few inches from his. There's a bubbling, bright sensation in her chest that's hard to pin down . 

Mechamaru exhales, long and tinged with some unplaceable emotion. And just like that, he slumps over, limp, onto the scuffed plastic tabletop. 

"Whoa," Kasumi says, taking her hand away and shifting to face him. "You okay?" 

"Yeah," he mutters. "Fine. Just tired myself out at the toy store. In hindsight, maybe a bit much for day one." 

"Do you need to leave?"

"I'll be fine. Just need to rest my eyes for a second." He covers his head with one gloved hand. 

"Uh, okay," Kasumi says. "I'm here if you need me." 

"Uh-huh." He mutes himself. 

Kasumi drums her fingers on the desk, stops herself before it can bother Mechamaru. Kenji and Hiroki are arguing about something, but it doesn't look serious yet. She'll step in if they start biting each other. She checks her notifications. 

From: Mai. 10 minutes ago. "Ran into Naoya today lmao" 

From: Momo. Just now. "OMG NOOOO BAHAJGS WHAT DIF HE DO" 

Mai hasn't responded yet. 

Kasumi bites down the urge to ask Mechamaru if he's okay again. He hasn't moved and people are giving them weird looks. Kenji and Hiroki seem to have worked it out, and Hiroki is now unboxing his Bumblebee figurine and showing Kenji how it turns into a car. 

New email from: Utahime Iori. 

Right, might as well check that, too. New work, maybe, or the coursework for next semester… 

Good morning, Miwa, 

I hope you and your family are doing well. I am just emailing to let you know that I won't be sending you any advance work on vacation. Enjoy your time off.

Utahime Iori 

Dang it.

The food court and the mall at large are bright and alive with the low roar of hundreds of conversations and the harsh white of fluorescent lights. Down the hall is a Prada store. A girl younger than Kasumi walks out wearing a crop top and big hoop earrings. The blue glitter of outdoor light from the door on the other side of the food court calls to her, promising an escape from the noise. She doesn't move. 

"Kasumi?" Mechamaru groans. "I have to go." 

Uh oh. Kasumi's attention snaps to him. "What do you mean?"

"It's… fucking loud." He takes a shallow breath, then another, and another, getting faster. "Damn it. Sorry. I need to… what's the word." His voice ticks steadily upwards in pitch, the beginnings of panic. Kasumi's reminded of him muttering to himself inaudibly what feels like forever ago. This time it's worse. He's not even trying to hide it. And some childish part of her says that Mechamaru is supposed to be flat, calm, angry if anything - never afraid. This is wrong. 

It sends her heart racing, but she takes a deep breath. "Hey, it's okay." She reaches her hand across the table, rests it halfway to where his head lies. "You need to leave?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I do. I think I'm - I don't know."

"Okay. You can, um, take care of it on your own, right?"

"Yes. I think so. Probably - probably." 

Kasumi clenches her teeth and resists the urge to groan. Oh, she is gonna get in such big trouble. Ohhhh, wow she is gonna get her butt kicked for this. She digs around in her pocket, unlocks her phone and shoots off a quick text to Mom to warn her. "Hey, you two," she calls over at Hiroki and Kenji. They both look up from where they're tussling over Hiroki's toy. "Mechamaru's not feeling well. We're going to step out. Clean up your stuff and go meet up with Mom at the grocery store, and stay together. We'll meet you at home." 

"You don't have to," Mechamaru's saying, "Oh, no, no, don't, you really don't have to -"

"Aw, come on!" Kenji moans.

Hiroki frowns at Mechamaru. "Is everything okay?" 

"Mm-hm! Everything is fine. Just go meet up with Mom, okay? Don't worry about us. Take care of Kenji and don't let him run off."

"...Sure," he says, eyeing her strangely and finishing off the last of his pretzel. He gets up and brushes himself off, crumpling the pretzel container into a ball. "C'mon, Kenji, let's go."

"I wanna keep shopping," Kenji whines. 

"Kenji, we will go shopping again soon," Kasumi says, trying to keep the frustration out of her voice. "Please just do as Hiroki says."

He makes a face, but stomps off after Hiroki. Hiroki mouths you owe me, and then they're both gone in the crowd. 

"Miwa," Mechamaru says despairingly. 

Kasumi breathes a sigh of relief and frustration and turns to him. "Nonsense," she says as firmly as she can. "You're my guest, I've got to make sure you're comfortable." When he starts to reply, she holds up a hand. "I don't wanna hear it. Come on, let's go." 

"Right. Um, right. Okay. Fine. Thank you." He hauls himself up and turns, his motions jerky, like a crappy animatronic. A nearby woman gives him a weird look and pulls her child a little closer. He doesn't seem to notice. "Okay. Let's go."

She starts to beckon him down the aisle. He gets up and follows. His walking motion is different, now, stiff and slow. 

"Is this okay?" she asks. "Should I be… I dunno, calling someone?" 

"No," he says. "It's fine, it's normal." 

How reassuring.

They stumble to the mall exit together, getting some strange looks on the way, and Kasumi pushes open the door and emerges into a concrete-paved bus terminal, outside in the warm sunshine where the sound of cicadas makes everything buzz. She leads Mechamaru to the wall behind the corner. He stumbles and slumps against the wall, metal and concrete grinding dimly beneath fabric as he slides down to the ground.

Kasumi sits down beside him. "Any better?"

He shakes his head jerkily. 

Kasumi hesitates, her stomach tight. What's wrong? she thinks of asking, or Is there anything I can do? or What's going on? but she thinks of his snarled words last time - oh my God, Miwa, shut up!

"...Can I talk?" she asks softly.

He nods. Pauses. "Sorry," he says, in a strangled voice. 

"For what?"

He pauses again. Shakes his head. "Forget it." A few bursting breaths. "Sorry, just… trying to... chill out, you know…"

"Yeah, of course." Kasumi nods like an idiot.  "Um, can I touch you? Or…"

He nods. 

She leans over and puts an arm around his back in a sort of awkward side-hug, his shoulder digging into her chest. He slumps into her silently and takes long, deep breaths. In through the nose, and out through the mouth. In the exhales, she can hear him shaking. 

Comfort, she thinks. That's what he needs. Probably. That, at least, is a pattern she knows. "What's wrong?" she asks quietly, fingers slipping along his back as she tries to get a firm handhold. Trying to hold a robot is an awkward affair. She tries not to show it. 

"I don't know," he says, voice rough. "I don't know, I just - I'm sorry, I fucking can't, I- I can't, I-" He stops himself - takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know." He pushes her off him and hunches up his shoulders, taking deep, shuddering breaths. 

"Okay," Kasumi says slowly, her mind going in circles. "Um… do you wanna… tell me about it?"

"I already told you I don't know, okay, it just - hurts so fucking much - " 

"It hurts? It's the pain?" 

"Yes. No! I - I don't know, sort of? It just gets like this, I don't know."

"Like what?" 

"Like - I - I - it just - I mean normally I'm used to it and it's fine and I just deal but sometimes I just can't , it just gets too much and I just- you know? I just want to - to, to scream and like- rip my fucking skin off and I just get so - I don't know - I - I don't fucking know, okay? I don't know. Can we stop talking about this?" 

"Okay," Kasumi says softly. "I'm sorry. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't care," he says, "something, anything- I don't care, just, just - a distraction. Please." 

"Sure. Of course." Kasumi struggles for a good topic for a moment. "Wanna tell me about Destiny Tracers?" 

"Destiny Tracers?" He laughs. "Like - the anime?"

"Yeah! Why not, right? You seem to really like it."

He laughs, not a real one but close enough. "Uh. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I… I guess I like it, yeah."

"What's it about?"

"Oh, it's basically about, like, mech pilots, and they're fighting aliens but the aliens are, uh, they're secretly dead people I guess. Ghosts? Sort of ghosts… alien ghosts- I don't know, it was stupid, okay? I was just a stupid kid, I thought it was neat." 

"It sounds kinda cool," Kasumi says. "Maybe we should watch it once we finish Evangelion."

"Nah, nah, I'd rather we didn't. I, uh, I used to watch it with my mom and I… I don't want to watch it and realize it was different from what I remember… you know? 'Cause we used to watch it together and she'd make me smoothies and they tasted so good… and we'd… y'know, have a little movie night…"

"That sounds fun."

"Yeah! Hah, yeah, yeah, it was…" His voice is starting to even out a bit more now, to Kasumi's relief. "The, uh, the main character kinda reminds me of the other Zen'in twin. Maki, was it?" 

"Maki, yeah."

"Yeah, well, the thing is that in this show if you wanna pilot a mech you have to have this magic… thing called the Spark. But she doesn't have it so she like… invents her own mech with no Spark needed." 

"That's cool. Where does Mechamaru come in?"

"Mechamaru? Oh, he's just a side character. Doesn't really matter."

"Then why'd you name yourself after him?" 

"I guess, the thing is that he's got, like, um. He's got the, uh, the mech pilot power thing, the Spark. But he got it unnaturally, like, a fake version of it, so it fucks him up. He spends most of the series, uh, fused to the inside of his mech, in unimaginable pain." He chuckles. "But they don't really, um, they don't take it that seriously. It's only ever used for jokes and a reason for him to be edgy and cruel to everyone he fucking- he-" He stammers for a second. " Cruel to everyone he knows." 

"So you named yourself after him?" Kasumi only barely stops herself from asking why on Earth he'd name himself after someone who's cruel to everyone he knows. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, and the point of the story is he's, like, this minor villain who gets turned into an antihero later. Either way, he's, um, he's kind of a dick." 

"How do you mean?"

"Sorry, I - I can't - just give me a second." He audibly tries to take a deep breath and calm down again, but a second later he has a coughing fit. It sounds… bad. Really bad, harsh and wheezing. He has to gasp desperately for air in between coughs, and then he retches and the robot goes abruptly silent. Muted. 

Kasumi waits patiently beside him, but it lasts a long time. She doesn't dare speak, almost doesn't dare breathe. Eventually, she gets antsy and reaches up to adjust her hair.

As soon as she moves, the sound comes back. He makes a tiny guttural noise and his breathing stutters and skips, as if he's trying his best to press it back. "F- Fucking hell," he stammers, and laughs breathlessly. "Ugh, God, fuck… " 

Kasumi swallows hard, taking her hand away. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I don't know. Please be quiet." He takes a few more breaths, then tries again to get control over his breathing and this time, succeeds. "Sorry. It's getting worse, I - I can't, I - I…" His voice thins out into a pitiful whine. "I can't, I can't… " 

"It's okay. Do you wanna keep talking?" 

"Can't." 

"Uh, you still want a distraction? Should I talk instead?" 

He nods. 

"Alright. Alright." Kasumi struggles briefly for something to say, something comforting, something that doesn't really matter. She folds her legs together and rests her arms on her knees. "Uh, did you watch Infinity War?" 

He nods. 

"I did too, yeah, 'cause Momo likes the Marvel movies. But to be honest, I don't really get it. I mean, I don't watch a lot of them so sometimes I don't really get what's going on, you know? Like, I didn't watch any of the space ones. I like Thor though. He's funny." She pauses. "Momo really likes Sebastian Stan so when he disintegrated she started crying. Mai made fun of her for it but I don't think she really minds that much. She watched it like three times in theatres." 

Mechamaru's shifting. She doesn't really recognize the noises, so she decides to ignore them. 

"We watched Ant-Man and the Wasp too. I really don't know how Momo affords all those tickets. And she buys me and Mai popcorn and candy but she never eats or drinks any herself, because she says she's watching her figure, which is such crap because you need calories to exercise anyway…" 

He's still panicking. She can hear him, the sound garbled through the robot but unmistakably strangled gasping for air. 

"Sometimes she's so hard-headed about that kind of thing," Kasumi says quietly. "I never have any luck talking her out of it, but Mai gets to her sometimes…"

It's not stopping. She trails off and stops. Puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You forgot to mute yourself," she says quietly. "In case you wanted to." 

He makes a noise that might equally be a groan of pain or a cynical laugh. "Who asked?" he rasps, and mutes himself. 

Kasumi opens her mouth to keep going, but she finds no words. She draws her knees closer to her chest, takes her hand back to herself and stares at the concrete. 

It's a long minute. 

He unmutes, eventually, with a noise like he's fumbling with a phone, or maybe a rasping breath. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry for snapping." 

"What? Oh. It's fine." 

"No, it's not." 

"You're sick," Kasumi says. "You're in pain. It's only natural to have a short temper, I-"

"No, it's not! No, it is not . What, just because I'm sick, just because I'm sick I - I - I get to make everyone's life miserable, because I'm sick it's only natural for me to ruin everything like the fucking horrible burden that I am? Come on!" People are staring again, but he doesn't seem to notice. "Because I'm this pitiable mess , right, and I just can't help it and there's nothing anyone can do so if I hurt someone it isn't my fault, right, it's just the sickness talking, right, I'm not in my right mind, right! That's what you're saying to me! Like I'm a fucking cat that was never taught not to piss on the rug!" 

She rubs his arm, heart half-breaking. "Mechamaru…"

"I know. I'm doing it again. Fucking great, fucking great…" 

Kasumi takes a deep breath and decides maybe a different tack will work better. "Could you please just tell me what's wrong?" 

"What's wrong? It's me. I'm what's wrong. I fucking-" A pitchy laugh. "I just can't fucking help myself, can I?" 

Kasumi gives him a look. 

"It's me," he insists, his voice thick and wavering. "I - I can't - I'm a bad person, Kasumi. Bad like rotten. Everything about me is just built on this foundation of just sickness and corruption and everything I touch just becomes about that, and I I can't do normal human things, I can't even go a day without thinking about how sick I am because I am so sick, God, you don't even know, I am trying so hard to be normal but I am so so sick and it just keeps hurting me and taking and taking and taking and taking everything from me and I spend every day trying to pretend that it doesn't hurt but it never works, nothing ever works and my body hates me and my brain is fucking broken and I don't want to be this person, I - I hate this fucking thing that I'm becoming, but I can't, I - I just can't-" 

"Mechamaru…" 

"No, it's - no! All I do is just- you wanna know the truth? Wanna know why I really named myself after Mechamaru? It's because Mechamaru is a miserable piece of shit. He is nothing. He's a nothing person and he's just misery and hatred and that's all he is and all he ever will be. And he has a choice, you know? He could choose to be a good person, but he doesn't, and people think it's because he doesn't care but he just doesn't know how, and the worst part is the show wants you to hate him so I end up getting annoyed at him anyway and then I just think - God - is that how I look to other people? Is that how I am?"

"It's…" Kasumi hesitates, trying to sort through the word salad in her head. "I'm sure he's got his reasons."

"No, it doesn't matter what his reasons are! He is hurting people! That's not okay! He doesn't have to be right just because I relate to him, okay? Maybe both of us are bad people!" 

Kasumi pauses. Her throat closes with anxiety. She's not sure what to say, what to do, knowing nothing except that she so badly needs him to feel better. The depth of her own helplessness pisses her off, but it's an impotent kind of anger. The kind that can only make you cry.

"Ugh, I'm sorry," he mutters, "I - I should have told you it was worse than normal, I should have told you I was feeling shitty this morning, I - I - I just wanted to have a nice day and I fucking ruined it for everyone, I know better than this, I fucking know better than to let this happen but I still just - I still just wanted to pretend I was okay, just for two minutes, I'm so fucking stupid -"

"Hey, hey." Kasumi presses her tongue against the roof of her mouth, shuts her eyes tight until the tears go away. "You didn't ruin anything, okay? Just-" 

"Yes I did! You're out here listening to me whine about my shitty life instead of spending time with your family and I can't even tell you to leave because I - I don't want to be alone, and fuck, now you're crying and it's all because of me -"

"Hey, now, slow down-" 

"And it hurts, God, it fucking hurts so much, all the time, but I- I should be used to it, and I could handle it, but I'm just so sick of everything hurting so much all the time, I'm sick of feeling like shit all the time!" His voice breaks. "I'm sick of it, I'm fucking sick of everything about my fucking life getting ruined by this fucking disease and I just want it to be over, I want to be fucking normal and I thought I was over this and I thought it would be different this time and I was so happy, I was so fucking happy, I just can't stand it anymore, I can't keep living like this, I can't keep feeling like this, I - I don't even feel human, I'm fucking rotting alive, I-" 

"Hey!" Kasumi says as firmly as she can manage, ignoring the weird looks she's getting from the passerby. "Stop it. Look at me." 

Miraculously, he does. She finds herself face-to-face with the blank green eyes of Mechamaru. She stares into them carefully, as meaningfully as she can manage, as if she could peer through them and see whoever is on the other end. His breath comes in quick bursts. 

"You are panicking," she says. 

"Yeah, no shit."  

"Panicking isn't going to do anyone any good. Let's just focus on the present right now. Okay?" 

"But I-" He coughs, makes an awful noise and coughs again. "Oh God."

She reaches over and puts a hand on his arm. "It's gonna be okay." 

"But I'm gonna ruin your vacation and I-"

"It's fine. I don't mind." 

"But I don't want to. I want to make you happy, I– you shouldn't be punished for bringing me along, I– I should be dealing with this on my own, I–" 

"You haven't ruined anything," she assures him. "I don't want you to be alone with this. And it's not a punishment. You're making my vacation so much more fun."

"By forcing you to sit outside with me a– and listen to my fucking insane melodramatic raving?" He laughs. "Fat fucking chance."

"Who's forcing me? I don't see anyone forcing me." She catches his eye. "You're going to be okay. Alright? I'm here with you, and everything is gonna be okay. I'm here to listen and help any way I can, I just…" She sighs. "I… I don't really know how to help. I'm sorry I can't do more for you." 

"No, no, God, it's okay, don't apologize." A tearful, stuttering laugh. "Thank you. I just - I just need a minute. Give me a minute." 

"Well, okay. I'm… I'm glad. And you know you can ask for my help anytime, okay?" 

He nods and his audio feed goes dead, leaving Kasumi alone outside the mall with a shut-down robot on her hands. She sighs and gets up, stretching a bit. She goes on her phone. 

From: Mai. 5 minutes ago. "Ok so I was wearing normal clothes right and this guy always wears a (...)" 

From: Momo. 5 minutes ago. "LMAOO WHAT DID I TEKL U!! HE RADIATES MISOGYNY" 

Missed call from Mom.

From: Mom. 2 minutes ago. "Kasumi, I don't have time to take care of your brothers. Call me right now and (...)" 

Kasumi sighs and ignores it for now. She opens her email and replies to Utahime expressing that she needs that work to get ahead for good grades.

She googles destiny tracers mechamaru on the crappy mall wifi and stares at that little jagged black mech on the screen, as if it could tell her something important. It was clearly meant to look intimidating, but there's something of Mechamaru her friend in the way the eyes gleam a bright organic green. 

Three more buses pass before Mechamaru comes back online with a shuddering sigh. 

"Hey," she says. "Bit better?" 

"Uh," he says, his voice hoarse. "A little. I took my extra pain meds, I think they're working… a little bit…" Good, he seems to be back mostly in control of himself, and much calmer. That's a good sign. Right? 

"That's good, as long as you take it easy." She turns off her phone and puts it in her pocket, getting up. "Wanna get going?"

"God, yeah. I'm so sick of this stupid mall." A choked laugh that turns into a cough. "No offense. H– how do we get home?" 

"We can take a bus," she says, already looking up the routes. "Can you stand up?"

He nods, but doesn't move. "Which bus?" 

 "It should come in a few minutes," she says. "Twenty minutes on the bus, then we'll walk back from the bus stop." 

"Mm," he says. "Let me know when you see it coming." He slumps back down. Kasumi sits down beside him. His breathing is still kind of fast, shallow and hitching.

Eventually, he speaks again. "Did you also… get all your make-up work called off?"

"Well, in my case it was working ahead, but yeah." She tucks her hair behind her ear. "I'm worried about getting behind."

"With your work ethic you'll be fine."

"I guess. And you? How come you got out of all that work?"

"Utahime called it off the second she heard I was actually getting outside and talking to human beings," he says, a sharp little laugh in his voice. 

Kasumi doesn't know whether to be sorry or congratulatory. "She's worried about you, huh?" 

"Well, that's one way to put it," he says. "She's just scared she'll be one of my reasons why, if you know what I mean." 

"What do you mean?"

He sighs. "Forget it." 

Kasumi frowns and turns to look at him. "No, what did you–" 

"There's the bus," he interrupts. "Let's go." 

The apartment is silent. Kasumi looks around a bit just in case, but there really is nobody there. She guides Mechamaru to her room in silence. He refuses the bed and sits down on the floor, taking off his hood and mask. She sits on the bed and stares at her own blurry reflection on the back of his head, bisected and distorted by a long scratch in the metal. 

A moment later, he unmutes. "Sorry for… y'know… at the bus station." His voice is hoarse. 

"For what?" she asks. 

"For spilling my guts like that, I guess." An embarrassed pause. "I know I was being too dramatic. I can never control myself when I get like that, it's… I'm sorry. Please just forget I said anything." 

Kasumi hesitates - puts a hand on his shoulder. "I won't forget," she says. "There's nothing to be embarrassed of. I'm glad you trusted me." 

"Then… thank you. For listening, I mean, it, I… it really helped. I haven't really told anyone any of that before and I feel…" A long exhale. "I actually feel a lot better." 

"I'm glad," she says, lying sideways and curling around his shoulders. "And you weren't being too dramatic. It's not being dramatic if you really feel that way." 

He hums and nods. 

A long silence. 

"Mechamaru, do you... mind if I ask you a personal question? It's okay if you just want quiet right now." 

"Depends on the question."

"Do you even really like being called Mechamaru?" She shifts, setting herself a bit more upright. "It seems like it's tied up with a lot of… bad stuff." 

His gaze stays fixed on his knees. For a long moment, he's silent. "Huh," he says eventually. "I guess. I mean… I don't know." 

"You aren't the same as him, you know." 

He shrugs. 

"Do you want me to try using a different name for you?"

A long pause. "That might be nice," he says, and Kasumi has to stop herself from making a noise of excitement. "Wouldn't it feel kinda weird?"

"It's okay. I'll get used to it." 

"Alright, then, uh... what do you wanna call me?"

"Choose a different character," she jokes. 

"Naruto," he replies, and then immediately, "Don't." 

"Darn. It fits you so well." Kasumi giggles. "Iron Man?" 

"I don't have nearly enough money for that," he says. "Ah…" The smile falls out of his voice. "Um. I guess… you could just call me my real name. If you wanted." 

Kasumi's heart goes all funny. "Your real name?"

He nods. 

A long, long silence. 

"Kokichi Muta," he says, barely a whisper. "Don't tell anyone, okay?" 

Kasumi smiles wide. "It's between us, I promise," she says. "Muta."

"Kokichi," he says hastily. "You - you can call me Kokichi, if you want. It's only fair… I mean, you don't have to, but-" 

"Kokichi." Saying it is like a magic spell. It sends shivers down Kasumi's spine and makes her think about the real human being behind the robot, somewhere else, with that deep voice and sharp laugh, a warm body, with eyes and a mouth to smile. She wonders what that smile looks like. Sometimes it feels like she knows him so well, she could see him in her mind's eye. The way he's talking now, wearily, hoarsely, but with a longsuffering smile, his head tilted back and his eyes closed. Kokichi. It makes him feel younger, less scary. All of that, she puts into his name when she says it.

For a moment, there's silence. She can hear him breathing.

"Kasumi," he says, and bows his head. "It's a pleasure."

"Likewise." 

He clears his throat and speaks, with audible difficulty, into the heavy silence. "Uh. Sorry to ruin the moment, but I really need to rest my eyes now or I'm going to be sick again." 

"Again?! Are you-" She's about to ask if he's okay, but then realizes that's a stupid question with a self-evident answer. So instead she puts a hand on his shoulder. "No, never mind that. Sleep well, Kokichi." 

"Thank you, Kasumi." Despite it all, he smiles. "I appreciate it." 

Chapter Text

The door squeals open. Kasumi hears it from her room and winces. Mechamaru - Kokichi - doesn't stir. 

"Kasumi!" 

She reaches down and brushes her knuckles against the edge of his hoodie, for luck, her heart and breath quickening. Her blood feels thick. She rises from the bed and she blinks and she's out the door and Mom is holding two bags full of groceries and staring at her with eyes that remind her of facing down a cursed spirit. 

Dimly, she notes that now that she's a sorcerer, she can see the displeasure rising off of Mom in waves and dispersing into the apartment. She clamps her lips shut before she can tell Mom to get a hold on her cursed energy before she causes an infestation. 

"Kasumi," Mom says. "Groceries."

Oh, great. 

"Sure." She gives Mom a quick smile and moves to take her bags. Hiroki and Kenji appear in the entryway, also holding bags. Kenji is babbling to nobody in particular about Mega Man. Hiroki watches Kasumi carefully, and when Mom's not looking, he gives her a look that's really more of a wince. She winces back at him and takes the bags, moves them into the kitchen. Mom takes Hiroki and Kenji's bags and follows her. 

"The mall," Mom says very calmly once they're in the kitchen alone. "What happened?"

"I'm really sorry," Kasumi says. "It won't happen again."

"What happened?" 

Kasumi starts putting things away, barely aware of what she's picking up. Mom stands over her, against the far wall, arms crossed. "Mechamaru, he, um…" Kasumi pauses. How to explain it? She doesn't even really know what happened herself. "You know how he's sick? Things went wrong all of a sudden and I had to take him outside to get it all sorted out." 

"So you left your brothers alone in a mall where nobody knew where they were? They're children, Kasumi." 

"I know. I'm sorry. I just thought because Hiroki was there, and he's responsible, and Mechamaru was really in bad shape, I couldn't just leave him alone like that." 

"You have responsibilities." Her voice grows. "To this family. To me. Frankly, I don't care what your friend was doing. He's almost an adult and he can fend for himself." 

Kasumi thinks back to his burst of honesty, bordering on mania. I don't want to be alone. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep feeling like this. I just want it to be over. And: She's just scared she'll be one of my reasons why. A chill fear goes down her spine, and she feels sick and panicky. "That's not a good idea." 

"Excuse me?"

Shoot. "I didn't mean it like that. Sorry."

"No, you don't take that tone with me. Do not take that tone with me!" 

"I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Are you my daughter or are you a robot?" 

"Sorry, Mom." Kasumi glances up at her, back down at the groceries in her hand. Heads for the fridge. 

Mom catches her arm, and Kasumi flinches back violently, dropping the carrots on the ground with a dull clatter. "Do not roll your eyes at me," Mom says. "And look at me when I'm talking to you!" 

Kasumi forces herself to look into Mom's eyes and vows to herself that if she gets screamed at, she'll scream back. She's lying, and she knows it. Her hands are shaking already and she feels like she's gonna throw up and she doesn't want to know what will happen if things escalate. But it makes her feel a little less scared. 

"Do you know how hard I have been working these past few months?" Mom says. "I have been working my butt off for this family, Kasumi! Every day I come home exhausted and sad and I have no one to talk to and I have to care for two screaming children all the time, cook all the meals and clean the apartment, and all I wanted was one week where I could relax, for once!" She gestures sharply, putting an emphasis on one week. "I brought you into this world, I raised you, paid for your food and clothes, but now I'm a horrible mother because I'm not happy that you ran off with your friend when you promised to take care of your brothers? All I wanted was a few hours, Kasumi! A few hours to shop for groceries for you! Is that too much to ask?"

"I don't think you're a horrible mother-" Kasumi starts, but Mom gives her a look and Kasumi stops, starts again. "I'm sorry," she says. "I said I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to do." 

"What I want from you is to step up and start taking responsibility! Tell me, is it fair that I have to pay for your school uniform and deal with your brothers and work for this family all on my own while you get to go off, learning God-knows-what black magic and messing around with your friends, and only talking to me once a week? Is it fair that you don't even send us enough money to pay for a day's food every month? Is it fair that your grades are still poor and you're not higher-rank by now, even though we've made every possible effort to help you? No! It is not fair to me and it's not fair to your brothers, but we all make sacrifices, because we love you, Kasumi!" Mom's voice quavers. "We love you so much, and sacrifice so much, and all we ask in return is a little bit of effort for your family, and what do you do? You slack off with your friends all over again, just like you've been doing since middle school! This kind of thing makes me feel like I can't trust you! That is laziness, Kasumi! Do you know what I would give to be in your position? I'd give anything, anything, and you're just throwing it away?!" 

"Mom, I'm sorry-" 

"And what are you even doing at that fancy school all year, hm? Because it's certainly not what your friend is doing! If he's really too sick to leave his room, why is he earning ten times as much as you?! When he's such an invalid he apparently can't even go to a mall without having a temper tantrum! It doesn't add up, Kasumi, it doesn't make sense! Are you lying to me about your income? Or are you seriously lazier than someone who lies around in bed all day?" 

Kasumi's breath comes in short bursts. Something hot takes root in her throat. "Don't talk about him that way." 

"Oh, what way? What way?! I'll talk about him however I like, thank you very much, since he's a guest you invited into my house who's monopolizing my living room for this bizarre puppet of his and is acting rude and erratic and interfering with your responsibilities to your family, I have every right to judge him and-" 

The heat blooms, and Kasumi is cold and hot and sharp and quick and she is yelling before she realizes what's even happening. "No! No you don't! You don't have the right to judge anything! You don't know anything about him or his life or me or my life and you can yell at me all you want but I am not going to let you trash him in front of me and use him to put me down! He is not an invalid, he's my friend! You don't know how strong he is, you don't know what he's been through, you don't know what today meant to him and you don't have any right, you don't have the right to judge him for anything , you don't have the right! So you can scream at me and you can hit me and I don't care but you are not allowed to bring Mechamaru into this!" 

"Oh, enough. Enough!" Mom's voice crescendos, finally, into a scream, and tears streak down her face, and she is descending upon Kasumi like she wants to kill her. "I cannot believe I raised such a disrespectful, immature, foul-mouthed, selfish, ungrateful daughter! You are a fucking slob and a disgrace to your family and to God, Kasumi! I can't believe my livelihood rests on your shoulders! I can't believe this family's future is yours! I work so hard for you every day and you think you can just come in here and scream at me and criticise me?! I'd like to see you raise three children on your own, since it's your own piece of shit father who left you with me in the first place! God!" She collapses into tears, leans against the counter and covers her face. "And now you're abandoning me too," she sobs. "I can't cope, Kasumi, I just can't do it. Not if you're against me too." 

Kasumi stares at her for what feels like ages but is probably only a few seconds. Her whole body tingles oddly. She'd forgotten how this felt. It's been - a couple years, now, how odd, and it doesn't feel the same at all, and it feels exactly the same as being eight. She really thought Mom wouldn't do this with a guest in the house. Well, hoped. 

She's spent a lot of time thinking about this, actually, while at school, why she's happier away. She thinks this is probably why. It's moments like this where the calluses of a hundred theatrical meltdowns just like this grow back, and she feels no sympathy for her mother, but an odd, bitter contempt, which probably makes her a bad person but she can't bring herself to care. 

"Oh, Mom. It's okay," she sighs. "I'm sorry I left you to deal with Hiroki and Kenji. I love you." She steps over and tries to hug Mom, but Mom pushes her away. She tries again, and Mom melts into her, sobbing into her neck. She stares, expressionless, over Mom's shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," Mom is sobbing. "I'm just so stressed, and my work, and your brothers, and I've been so lonely without you, I can't… I'm a bad mom, I'm a horrible mom…" 

"You're not a horrible mom. You're an awesome mom." Kasumi keeps murmuring little things like that until she calms down. "I'll make dinner tonight, okay? You just relax."

"No, no, it's alright, I'll make dinner. I'm sure your friend needs his nurse, anyway." She pulls back and wipes her nose. 

"It's really not…"

"No, it's fine. It's really fine. Go on, go. Go rest, you must be tired. I know I am." 

When she gets out of the kitchen, Hiroki pokes his head out of his room and gives her a sympathetic you okay? sort of look. He's holding Kenji's hand tight, as if to stop him from running off. Kasumi shrugs at him. Kenji gives her a silent little half-heart with his hand, and she smiles a tiny smile and completes it with her own shaking hand before Hiroki nods, yanks Kenji back into their bedroom and closes the door. 

She enters her room. Kokichi's sitting up on the bed, his eyes glowing bright. When she enters he glances briefly at her, hesitating, as if he doesn't quite know what to say. 

"Sorry," she mutters. The words feel unwieldy in her mouth. "Didn't mean to wake you up." She sits down heavily on the bed and sighs, covering her face with both hands. A restless sob builds in her throat, but she swallows, willing her tears away, willing the buzzing in her chest away, willing everything away. 

Kokichi hugs her. 

It's a sudden, awkward motion. He more latches onto her than embraces her, pulls her in and presses his forehead against her crown. She sniffles and opens her eyes, turns to look at him even though she knows she'll find him the same as always.

He tilts his head gently to the side. She can hear him struggle for words, his breath coming in and out with a slight wheeze. "Are you okay?" 

She shakes her head, and the noise she's been holding in bursts out of her. Half-sob, half-laugh, all ugly and weak. "She doesn't even pay for my school uniform." 

He hugs her close again and lets her cry. 

The next morning is grey and cold, but the fresh air feels good on Kasumi's face. She hasn't bothered to put her hair up. Feet planted firmly on the concrete of the apartment building roof, tracksuit brushing against her legs, she moves fluidly from form to form, placing her sword as it should be. Her katas are perfect, so she doesn't understand why, why, why… but there is nothing better to do on a cold morning like this than feel perfect for once in her silly little life. She turns, strikes, her tip coming down with a just-right swish through the air. She laughs, though she doesn't know why. 

The door closes quietly behind her, and nobody greets her at first. Her first thought is, oh, good, Mom's already gone to work. Her second thought is less of a thought and more of a wash of dismay that she forgot to make Mom her breakfast. She lets out a hysterical little laugh. 

"What's so funny?" Hiroki calls from the living room. 

"Huh? Nothing." She kicks off her shoes, puts them carefully on the rack, and heads in. Hiroki's on the couch, watching some TV show. It's paused, the opening stopped on one frame of a large bright yellow mech apparently firing an energy beam. In the kitchen, the dishes are still not done from last night, and the living room is a mess too. She'd somehow managed not to notice that the pillows got all messed up when she slept on it. She sighs and starts rearranging pillows - she'll sweep and do the dishes later. 

"Is Mechamaru okay?" Hiroki asks. "I knocked on the door to your room, but he didn't answer." 

"Yeah, he's out of it today," Kasumi says, choosing her words carefully. She chucks the pillows back on the couch and rearranges the cushions. "He'll be okay. Just give him some space."

"I felt really bad yesterday," he confesses. "I called Mechamaru from the show a dick the day before, and I think it upset him." 

Oh, yikes. Yeah, he almost definitely added to yesterday's meltdown, but Kasumi doesn't have the heart to say it. "He's just under the weather," she says quickly. "He's prickly with everyone, too, so don't worry." 

"He's not prickly with you."

"That's because we've been friends for a while." 

"If you say so," he says - pauses. "What about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"Are you, like, okay and stuff? After… you know." 

She tries to think of something to say, but nothing comes to mind so she ends up staring dumbly. 

He shrugs. "Mom was making her guilty face this morning. For the record, I think she was wrong too. You're the reason we can even afford this apartment." He looks at her seriously, big dark mournful eyes. "You're a good sister." 

Kasumi swallows hard. "Did Kenji hear?"

"No. I lent him my headphones, we watched Naruto." He pauses. "And I don't let her do anything to him when you're not here, either. In case you were wondering." 

"Thank you." She swallows again. "What about you? Does she ever…"  

"Sometimes. But I know it's not really about me." 

"I'm… I'm sorry." 

"It's not your fault." He shrugs, as if it's not a big deal, and unpauses his show. 

Kasumi heads down the hallway, padding carefully on the carpeted floor, and knocks on the door. "Are you awake?"

No answer. She comes in and shuts the door quietly behind her. Mechamaru's still slumped against her desk, plugged into the wall by the charger she dug out from his duffel bag. No signs of Kokichi, though. In the living room, the theme song ends, a weird title sting plays, and then the soundtrack kicks in, along with several exaggerated gasps. "Ha! Finally! Now," proclaims a low, energetic woman's voice, "let's crack this baby open and see the man inside!" 

She shakes her head to clear it of the distraction, crouches down and touches Mechamaru's shoulder, the joint solid under her fingers. "K...Kokichi?" She barely manages not to shiver when she says his name.

"Hmm." He whirs to life and looks up at her, still slumped over heavily. His eyes flicker on, bright emerald green. "What time is it?"

"It's almost eleven in the morning," she says. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, it was a... I slept, which is good." Ah, what a promising statement. He sits up and starts testing his joints. "Why didn't you sleep in your bed last night?"

"You were asleep. I didn't wanna wake you up and ask you to move." 

"You could have slept here, I don't mind."

"Yeah, but…" Kasumi makes a face. "Mom…"

"Oh." His wince is audible. "Right. Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, well, you know, she just… it happens. I'm okay." 

"If you say so." He gets up, still drowsy. Kasumi gets up with him and opens the door for him. "You all have had breakfast, right?"

"Yah-huh. Kenji's at a neighbour's house, Hiroki's hanging out here watching TV."

"What's he watching?" 

"I don't know, some mecha anime."

"Sounds promising. Kid's got taste." He leaves the room. Kasumi follows. "Hey, Hiroki, good morning. What are you watching?" 

"Huh? Oh, Mechamaru! Good morning!" Hiroki brightens up, pausing his show and turning as soon as he sees Kokichi turn the corner. An angry-looking girl's face is plastered large across the screen. "You forgot your Outrage Tracer at the mall, by the way. I put it in your bag."

"Oh, shoot, thanks. I didn't even remember it was missing. What are you watching?"

"You reminded me how fun Destiny Tracers is, so I'm rewatching it. Wanna join me?"

Oh. Kasumi's already brainstorming ways to ask him to turn it off, but Kokichi shrugs and heads down the hallway, to her surprise. "Sounds good. Which episode?" He's acting so normal. Maybe it is normal. Maybe he's been having meltdowns like that all the time, alone, and then going to class like nothing is wrong. 

"The one where they interrogate Mechamaru." 

"You know," Kokichi says as he collapses onto the couch beside Hiroki, "I'm so glad that you didn't think I named myself after a Danganronpa character. That could have gone extremely sideways. You're a cool little man, Hiroki." 

"I never played Danganronpa, so I couldn't if I wanted to," Hiroki says. "Now, shh. This is the best part." He unpauses it again. 

Kasumi peers at the TV. On the screen, a girl is crawling down a black hatch. Her outfit is skimpy enough to make Kasumi wish she'd brought Momo just so they could make fun of it together. But the scene is going really slow, and both Kokichi and Hiroki have fallen completely silent, so she just goes into the kitchen and starts cleaning up. 

It feels vaguely housewife-y, listening to the muffled sounds of their show out of context. There's a lot of No, it can't be! and tech speak which doesn't sound right, but she doesn't know enough about robots to disprove. The sunlight from the window is creeping over the counters. She wanders over to the sink and starts running the water hot, intending to wash the dishes from breakfast. 

She checks her email while she waits. Another reply from Utahime. Something something, appreciate your initiative but you deserve some time off, something something, certain that with your work ethic you'll do fine next semester. Kasumi turns her phone off, fidgets with the volume buttons a little bit, reaches up to fix her hair, and puts her finger back under the water to test it, trying to ignore her eyes stinging. 

A minute later, Kokichi pops around the corner. "Need any help?"

She glances at him, one finger still under the warming water. "You're sick. Go watch TV with Hiroki."

"I'm always sick," he says, approaching the sink. "And I hate this scene." 

"Still, I'm not gonna make you do the dishes. Take a nap or something." It reaches a hot enough temperature and she stops the drain, reaching for the detergent. 

"I want to," he says, grabs the detergent and passes it to her. "If it helps, think of it as distracting me."

"You seem fine right now."

"Well, I'm not, first of all." His voice goes a little sharp, but he sighs and relaxes again. "Sorry. I had to reschedule with Panda. Just… let me do this so I'm not bored out of my skull." 

"Right. Sorry." She blushes, sweeps her hair out of her eyes. It's times like this she's reminded harshly of how much distance there is between them - his voice empty of expression, no other frame of reference for how he's feeling. She tries to focus on pouring out enough detergent. "But you're feeling better than yesterday, I hope?"

"Eh." He wiggles a hand, like, not really. "So, can I do the dishes, or not?"

"...You can dry them," Kasumi says. "Here." She passes him a dishcloth, grabs a plate and a cloth for herself, rolls up her sleeves and gets started.

He kinda just stands there awkwardly, waiting for her to finish. "Thank you, by the way. For yesterday. For what it's worth, you'd do great in search and rescue." 

"What, 'cause I abandoned my brothers to fend for themselves?" She laughs, setting the plate aside on the drying rack and grabbing a handful of forks. 

"Because you efficiently extracted me from a situation I couldn't handle. You stayed calm the whole time, even when I wasn't, and you made sure I was okay. That's critical." He pauses. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you that shit just… goes wrong with me all the time for no reason. I hoped I could keep it together this week. Wishful thinking, I guess. I just wanted to make a good impression on your mom and now…" His voice drops a bit. "I acted like a loser. I'm sorry, I..."  

"Kokichi," she says. Even though she says it quietly, he falls silent right away, and she tries to hide her jitters. His name. It's his real name, and he responds to it meekly, and he seems like such a human, now, both their insecurities laid bare on the kitchen floor.

She takes a breath and gathers her thoughts. "Just stop it," she says. "Your head's not in a good place right now so don't trust it. Like I said, my mom is wrong about you, and I don't mind helping if you need help. You're not a loser. You're ill. So just take it easy." 

"Thanks." He grabs the plate and gets started as well. "But still. I'm sorry."

"I promise not to mind if you promise to stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault," Kasumi says, rubbing at her forehead with the back of her hand. She sets the forks aside with a metallic rattle, grabs a pot.

"It's a deal," he says. "And… about your mom…"

"Please don't apologize for that. It was my own choice to stay with you." 

"That's not what I was going to say. I just… you're really… cool. And nice. And - selfless, and you really do think about others and there's nothing wrong with thinking about yourself and if your mom doesn't agree, then her head's not in the right place. Okay?" 

Kasumi swallows twice, this time, stares at her reddened knuckles. "Okay." 

"Alright," he says softly. He puts the plate to the side and starts on another. "Where'd you sleep last night?"

"On the couch."

"Eesh. Sorry about that." 

"It's okay, I really don't mind that much as long as you're comfortable." 

Kokichi takes a quiet breath. "Has anyone ever told you that you're the chillest, nicest person on the planet?" 

She blushes, drumming her fingers against the plate with a dull ringing sound. "Not as far as I can remember, no." 

He finishes the plate with a swipe and puts it on the counter. His hands are nimble and seem almost human. "That seems like an oversight," he says. "It's something I admire about you." 

She nods. "Thanks," she says, and draws back, smiling, but turning her attention to the whiteness of the plates and scrubbing hard at a few little bits so Kokichi won't see that her eyes are watery. 

He inhales. "You okay?"

Crap. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She lets out an exasperated laugh, wipes her eyes on her sleeve and turns off the tap. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he says, and hesitates. "Do you... wanna talk about it? Sorry, I'm just… just tell me what you need me to do. Please." 

"You don't need to do anything. It's just that I don't really think I'm that great or helpful," she says, turning back to the dishes. And I'm gonna fail next semester, she doesn't say. "And you're a person who's really, really skilled and I admire you a lot. So hearing you say that, it, um..." It made her heart want to explode from joy. But she doesn't say that, 'cause that would sound stupid. "...it just meant a lot to me." She sets another clean plate aside.

"What are you talking about? You don't have to be able to blow up buildings to be good, you just have to be a kind-hearted person. And you're the most kind-hearted person I know." 

"Yeah, but it sure helps to be able to blow up buildings. If I was just more powerful, I could make more money for my family and save more people. But I can't. Even though I work so hard, I'm weak." The lump in her throat comes back. "I can't help anyone as much as I want to. And I'm so scared that one day somebody I care about will get hurt, and I won't be able to help them because I'll be too weak and slow and useless."

"I'm sorry to say that fear doesn't go away when you can blow up buildings."

"But it would help, right?"  

"Yeah," he says quietly. "I guess it helps."

"So that's my point." She scrubs viciously at a stubborn bit of egg. "If all I can do is fight third-grades, what good am I?"

"You can fight more than third-grades. You just need a little help. I mean, remember that time in the mall?" 

"But then it's not really me."

"Besides," he continues, "the majority of the spirits that actually hurt people are weak, but they last for a long time, because everyone is focused on the powerful ones. If you can only kill weaker spirits, you're in a unique position to help a lot of people." 

"But everyone can kill weaker spirits," she protests, glancing at him as she sets the plate aside and grabs an unfinished bowl of miso soup. "It's not like this is something only I can do. It's just that nobody else cares, because they all know that killing bigger spirits is where the real money and achievement is. And I... really need that, you know?" 

A short breath. "Well, do you want my two cents, or...?"

"Um." She sniffles. "Yeah, I guess." 

"Okay, listen." His voice goes quiet and a little awkward, as if he's been thinking about it for a while - as if he cares too much to be able to show it. "Some limits are just limits, and nothing will break them for you."

"But that's not–" Kasumi starts to protest that it doesn't make any sense, that he's wrong or being irrelevant or something and she knows he is and she can prove he is, but she just doesn't know why or how. "It's not fair," she protests weakly, knowing it sounds stupid. 

"Do you think either of our lives would look like this if the world was fair?" His voice has taken on a sudden darkness, and Kasumi shivers. He doesn't go on, just stares down at his hands. Such a sombre thing to believe, that one's own life proves the cruelty of the universe. Somehow Kasumi finds herself resenting it. 

"So, what, just give up?" Her voice comes out sour. 

"Adapt," he says, and the darkness has been put away as fast as it came out - he's all plain practicality once more. "Find a new way to do things."

"There is no other way."

"There is. You'll find one. You don't have a choice." He takes a breath, turns away. "It's not - listen, my point is you're not lazy for not doing things that you just can't do. Neither of us are." 

"But I'm not like you," she starts to argue, but her voice drops as she realizes the implications. "I mean, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I'm not sick, or anything. I'm a really healthy person."

"It doesn't matter. Everyone has limits."

"But if Todo can do it, then so can I, right?"

"Not necessarily."

"But that's not fair!" 

He nods. "Now you're getting it." 

Kasumi's chest tightens. "But that's..." not fair, she wants to say again. She bites her tongue and forces out a laugh. "Never mind. Um, so, what do you want to do today?"

"Well, I can't do much, but maybe you could take a break," he suggests. "Do your katas or something. I'll keep an eye on Hiroki."

"Mom won't like that."

"Do it in the house, then."

"Kokichi, I'm not leaving slash marks.all over the walls," she laughs. 

"Then don't do katas. Take the pressure off. Don't use your sword, even."

"Well, how am I supposed to train without my sword, O Great Inventor Of New Stuff?" Kasumi raises an eyebrow at him. “I’m a brawler, you know. Not everyone can store new inventions in their chest.” 

He shrugs - pauses. “Hm,” he says. “Well - there is one thing I had in mind.”

Chapter Text

The canister is inconspicuous except for the fact that, like everything about Kokichi’s engineering work, it seems out of place against the backdrop of Kasumi’s slightly drab apartment. It’s smooth, shiny grey metal and about the thickness of a baseball bat’s striking end, small enough to fit comfortably in Kasumi’s palm. There’s a gauge on one side, a line running from one end of it to the other, and a retractable spike-thing on one end. The other end is a large, cap-like button. She turns it over and over in her hands - it’s surprisingly light. 

“This,” Kokichi says from above her, “is a Simple Domain prototype.”

“Simple Domain is a closed technique,” Kasumi says, but there’s no complaint in it. She turns it over again, squints down the pointy end and kneels down further to get a better look. 

“I know.” He nudges the point away from her eye. “I’ve been reverse-engineering it.” 

“You could get in trouble for that.” She looks up at him questioningly. "Why did you do it?" 

He shrugs. “I get in trouble for all my best ideas.” 

"So, why?" 

He shrugs again. 

“How do I get it to…” Kasumi presses the end, and a little Simple Domain comes out the other end, like blowing a bubble. “Ah!” She reaches out and pokes it gently, and the gentle familiar fuzz of cursed energy travels up her fingers and wrist, as if she’s been zapped by an electric fence. Though the feeling of cursed energy is familiar, Kokichi’s has its own special flavour, unlike anything else - acrid and heady, almost like gasoline. She shakes out her hand. “Whew. Your cursed energy has a kick to it.” 

“I know. It's the Restriction.” He sounds amused. “How was the technique?”

She hesitates. 

He laughs, which tapers off into a cough. “Be honest. I need the feedback." 

She presses it again and this time, when the bubble comes out, she examines it closely. The cursed energy is heavy, just like it felt, but electric - it buzzes erratically, then one area becomes too thin and it pops. “It’s pretty flimsy. I’d barely call it a Domain.” 

“I’d barely call Simple Domain a Domain,” he sighs, but it’s light-hearted. “Teach me?”

She turns to him, raises an eyebrow. “I’m not allowed. It’s a closed technique.”

He cocks his head. 

“Oh, fine, fine.” She laughs. “Is this all you wanted to show me? You just wanted a critique on your Simple Domain?” 

“Not quite,” he says. “See, my CE has some… weird properties because of the puppetry. It can be stored, transmitted, and hard-coded. Mostly, that’s so the puppets can work at long distance but the storage property means it doesn’t have to be in contact with me. So I was thinking, uh… what if someone else could use it?” 

“Huh.” Kasumi squints at the canister. It doesn’t leak, so she can’t really see any of the cursed energy inside, but it’s a matter of theatrics. “Do you have enough to even make that useful?”

He laughs. "Do the words Heavenly Restriction ring any bells?" 

“Fair point.”

“Well…” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Anyway, I just… wanted to ask you if you’d be interested in… theoretically… trying that out. It might help with your whole… plateau problem.”

She grins at him. “Really?”

“As long as you keep it quiet. A - and promise to be careful."  

She gets up and throws her arms around him. “Thank you!” 

He makes a noise of alarm. “Be careful with that!” But the canister just rolls and bumps to a stop by the couch harmlessly, and Kasumi just laughs with excitement. 

Kokichi takes a nap after that. He forgets to mute, though, and his soft snoring fills Kasumi’s room. The tinniness of the sound makes it sound like some sort of weird ambience she’d find on YouTube to sleep to. So Kasumi leaves her room and moves back to the roof, Simple Domain canister clutched safely in both hands, as if it might explode (even though it won’t, since Kokichi wouldn’t give her anything unstable… right?). 

On the roof, she sits, cross-legged like a disobedient child, and holds the canister facing upwards in the hollow of her folded legs. She puts both her hands around it like it’s some sort of weird shake weight. And she casts Simple Domain. 

Without the simple restriction of staying in stance she placed on herself, her Simple Domain barely reaches a pathetic metre radius. She tries to ignore it, just like she ignores the slight charring around the edges of it on the roof. It’ll only be visible to sorcerers. Probably. She relaxes as much as she can while still moderating the flow, and she takes a deep breath. Okay, Kasumi. She's gonna make this into a little challenge. 

She presses down. Kokichi’s Simple Domain (and boy, isn’t that weird to think about) dispenses and immediately disperses into hers. She tries not to fight it. And oh, crap, that’s a weird feeling. It starts off a tingle - a stronger tingle - and then the sensation explodes into frightfully painful pins and needles, all across her skin, and shooting pain up and down her spine and arms. She sways, fighting not to let her eyes roll back, and swallows back the dizzy nausea that hits her like a hammer to the skull. 

The sensation passes and it’s gone. She disperses her Simple Domain and sits there, panting, on the roof. 

When she regains her senses, she sees that there are two slightly charred concentric rings on the ground where her Simple Domain used to be. One at just about a metre, and the other just a centimetre further out. 

She grins and readies the canister for another go. 

She doesn’t remember coming inside, but she must have, because next thing she knows she’s lying on the couch in the living room with a splitting headache, and the apartment smells pleasant but slightly stomach-turning. She sits up with a bleary breath - just in time for the door to swing open and Mom to call out, “I’m home!”

Crap! She didn’t make dinner. 

“Mom,” Kasumi starts, trying desperately to get her bearings and think of an excuse at the same time as the room slowly stops spinning, “I-”

“Welcome back!” Kokichi’s voice echoes from the kitchen. “How does stew sound for dinner?” 

“Wonderful, thank you!” Mom says with a sweet smile, and turns a dark look to Kasumi. Kasumi gulps. "Kasumi, don’t put off responsibilities on your friend. He's a guest, and he's unwell."

"Sorry," Kasumi says, her voice barely audible even to herself. "I guess I just lost track of time."

"It's fine," Kokichi says, emerging from the kitchen. He's wearing Kasumi’s apron, which is too small for him, and there's a plastic Viking hat on his head for some inexplicable reason. "I really don't mind. Hiroki and I are having fun cooking together."

"Oh, well, that's good. I'm glad you three are enjoying yourselves." Mom gives Kasumi a sharp look as she turns to go into her bedroom and freshen up. "Would you like to go join them, Kasumi?"

"Yeah, yeah." She turns red. "Sorry. I'm going." She hauls herself up off the couch, still a little achy, and goes to join Kokichi in the kitchen. 

"Hey," he says as she passes, a smile in his voice, too quiet for Mom to hear. "Have a nice nap? We cleaned up the rest of the dishes." 

"Oh, shush," she says, blushing even harder and shoving him playfully as she goes by. From the counter where he's chopping vegetables, Hiroki waves at her. "Just tell me what you're making and how I can help." 

"Don't worry, you don't have to help. We were gonna make it as a surprise for you. Did you tire yourself out training?"

Today's whole situation flashes through Kasumi's head. "Uh, yeah. I used your Simple Domain canister to add to mine, and - yeah, it actually worked."

"Oh, cool. Did it…" He pauses. "Did it… was it fine, or…" 

"Yeah. It worked great."  

"Huh. Good." He sounds relieved. "You'll have to show me sometime." He returns to the corner of the kitchen and sits on the floor.

Kasumi walks over and peers into the big pot simmering on the stove - it's sumo stew. She turns to him, grinning. "Did you ask Hiroki what my favourite food was?"

"Now where would you get that idea?" he says innocently. 

"Simp," Hiroki whispers. 

"Hey! You promised you wouldn't mention it!"

"What's a simp?" Kasumi asks. 

"Don't worry about it," Kokichi says, too quickly. 

Hiroki grins an evil grin. "It's a dude who–"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Kokichi interrupts him, sounding more than a little desperate. "Aren't you wondering what the Viking hat is for?"

"Uh, yeah, I am actually. What is it for? Where'd you even get it?"

"We stole it from Kenji," Hiroki says. "Since Mechamaru doesn't have any hair, and he needed something to spice up his head."

"I think having hair would look considerably weirder," Kokichi says. 

Kasumi nods her agreement. "Plus, I think your head is fine. It's got cool, uh... you know, the little..." 

"Vents?"

"Yeah, and don't forget the teeth," Hiroki snickers. 

"Hey, you try designing a mech that looks intimidating and friendly at the same time!"

"Or you could just make two mechs," Hiroki suggests. 

Kasumi and Kokichi exchange a look. "Yeah, I'll bring it up with my teacher," Kokichi says. "Either way, come taste this and tell me what you think." 

"Mm, sure." Hiroki comes over and takes a spoonful of broth, smacking his lips over it. "It could use some more salt."

"More salt? How much more?"

"Like, a couple pinches?" 

"Okay, be my guest." 

Hiroki fetches the salt, standing on his tiptoes to open the cabinet. He brings it down to the counter with a clatter and sprinkles two generous pinches into the pot. "Yeah, that should work." 

"Alright," Kokichi says, "stir this, I'm putting the eggs on."

"Yessir!" Hiroki salutes him and does as he's told. 

From the hall, Mom calls, "I'm going to go get Kenji, I'll be back in fifteen minutes! Kasumi, have dinner ready when I get back, and don't you dare get your friend to do it for you!" 

"Sure, Mom!" Kasumi calls back at her. She goes to take the pot from Hiroki, but Kokichi tugs her away gently and puts a finger to his lips… or, well, his weird teeth-thing. She sticks out her tongue at him, but he ignores her and she’s eventually forced to stand in the corner and watch them work. 

“How do you become a sorcerer, Mechamaru?”

Kasumi gives Hiroki a sharp look, but he sticks his tongue at her and looks encouragingly at Kokichi. 

“Me? Uh, I’m not exactly the person to ask,” Kokichi says with an awkward chuckle. “I just got recruited.” 

“Recruited how?” Hiroki leans forward with a determined smile. “Come onnn, there has to be something.” 

“Hiroki,” Kasumi says, in her most warning tone. 

“It’s fine,” Kokichi says absently, “no, it’s fine… yeah. Well, it’s not going to be applicable to you, if that’s what you’re asking about, but the Tokyo location’s resident doctor tracked me down in a hospital in Osaka after hearing about a mystery case. I must have been… ten? Twelve? She said she spotted me right away because my cursed energy lit up the whole building like a festival.” He laughs quietly, though it's more of a hum. “It’s a good thing, too. She saved my life.” 

Hiroki’s face falls. “Oh,” he says, shortly. “Sorry that happened.” Kasumi silently celebrates, though she feels bad about it. 

“If you’re talking about yourself, though,” Kokichi says, “you’d probably also get scouted. Just not from a hospital.” No! Kasumi tries to signal for him to stop talking with her eyes, but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it. 

“Really? Just like Kasumi, then?”

“Mhm. She got scouted by a sword user, but Aoi Todo got scouted by a brawler-type. And this kid from the other school, Itadori, got scouted by Satoru friggin’ Gojo.”

“Satoru Gojo?” Hiroki’s eyes are wide and round, and he’s leaning over, stew forgotten. Kasumi sighs and slumps back, closing her eyes in defeat. 

“Oh, Kasumi hasn’t told you? Satoru Gojo’s basically God. What more can I say? His technique can manipulate spacetime itself, which is actually even more powerful than it sounds."

"Whoa…"

"Yeah, it's really weird, his cursed energy usage - well, okay. We measure energy in units…" 

After dinner and dishes, she pulls Kokichi away, into the hall and up the stairs to the roof. He follows with only a small amount of confused protesting. 

The roof is beautiful at this time of night despite its plainness, the sun setting over the city, clouds illuminated in pale, pretty colours. She ignores it and focuses on his face, which glints red around the edges in the dying light. The only thing that doesn't seem dyed in fiery colours are Kokichi's eyes, jade green and bright as ever, like glowing crystals. For a moment, she's caught off guard, so enchanted by the effect of the light that she forgets to be angry. 

"Uh," Kokichi says. "Everything okay?" 

She shakes herself and regroups. "Don't say that stuff to Hiroki," she says, as authoritatively as she can manage even though her voice is thin and reedy. "You're encouraging him."

"What?" He cocks his head. "Encouraging him to do what?"

"To become a sorcerer," Kasumi says, striding almost involuntarily towards the edge of the roof to grip the fence in both hands. Kokichi follows her. "He's not ready, and I don't want him getting ideas. He's - he's just a kid." 

"He's in middle school. So were you, when you got recruited. I was even younger." 

"I don't care!" She shakes her head. "I don't want him fighting cursed spirits. I don't care if he's got potential and I don't care if he wants to. Do you remember the Night Parade? We could have all died, and they sent us out to fight anyway. I don't want Hiroki to be put in a situation like that, ever. That's what I'm fighting for, so just - just leave him alone!" 

"Alright! Alright. Please calm down. I won't give him any more ideas." 

Kasumi takes an agitated breath, squeezes the fence and closes her eyes. "Good." 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't know you didn't want him following in your footsteps."

"He could die." 

"So could you." 

"That doesn't matter."

"Hey. Yes, the fuck it does."

"Oh, you know what I mean. I don't care as long as my family is safe and cared for, okay? This is my duty. I'm the eldest daughter. He's a kid. It's my job to take care of everyone so it doesn't matter if-" 

"It's not your job to do anything that kills you. It would matter a fucking lot if you died, okay? It would matter a lot to me." 

Kasumi's about to argue, but something in his voice gives her pause. "Okay," she says. "Okay. I'm sorry." 

"Oh, don't apologize," he sighs. "I'm sorry for getting mad. It's… the fucked-up world we live in, I guess." 

She laughs. "Amen." Her laugh fades off into the city sound, and they fall silent again, just watching the gold-red light blaze across the skyline, watching the sun sink. It’s getting colder as the sun goes down, and Kasumi begins to wish she’d brought a jacket. 

Kokichi takes a breath. Clears his throat. And then, in one fluid rush of words: "Kasumi can I tell you a secret?" 

A jolt goes through her but she tries to keep her expression steady. "Of course."

"My whole family thinks I'm dead."

For a second, she thinks she must have misheard him. Then she processes. For a moment, there's shock, confusion - but it fades all too soon and all Kasumi feels is a deep, aching sorrow. 

She doesn't ask why. She looks at the golden light, the way it casts long blue shadows on a nearby roof, and she waits. 

"It's my fault," he says eventually. He sounds tired. "I asked Jujutsu High to fake my death for me. I just… didn't want to be a burden anymore. All my dad did was work and all my mom did was care for me and I just couldn't bear it. I didn't want there to be a way back to the life I was living before. I wanted to burn it all down, until the only way left was forward. But now, I…" His voice goes fragile. He coughs weakly and inhales, a long painful wheeze. "But now, I don't know. I don't… I don't know anything anymore." Metal on metal, as he drags a hand across his face. "I don't know what's right. I don't know what to do. They loved me so much… I could have cooked dinner with them too, there were other ways, it could have gotten better… so why did I… why…" 

"I'm so sorry," Kasumi says, and she means it. She puts a hand on his arm - goes to say something else - finds she has nothing to say. 

"They had another kid after me," he says. "Happy accident, I guess. She's… fuck, she's so cute. And she's so happy. Her name is Yuki. She likes dinosaurs and… I'd do anything for her. I think it'd kill me if she got tangled up in this sorcery shit. I think I'd actually just go into cardiac arrest from the shock. So I get it. You know? I do get it and I'm sorry for talking to Hiroki that way. I just... got excited." 

"Yeah," Kasumi says softly. "I know." 

"Am I a bad person?" 

Kasumi’s grip tightens. She doesn’t have to think before saying, “Not if you ask me.”

A breath of wind. Kokichi makes a tiny noise, and then his audio feed cuts out, just for a second, a tiny layer of ambient static vanishing over the city noise and then resurfacing. 

"You okay?" Kasumi asks. "Your microphone…" 

His microphone crackles back to life. "Yeah," he says hoarsely. "I'm okay. Thanks for inviting me here. Thanks for… for everything."

"Thank you," Kasumi says. "I really like having you here. I'm sorry the last few days have been so rough. This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation… heh." 

"It's not like panic attacks and arguments don't happen at school too," he says. "Only difference is I have you with me now, and stuff to do, and your little brothers, and I feel… I don't know. I feel like a real person." 

"Well, that's… good?"

"Yeah," he says quietly. "Yeah, it's good." 

"Good! I'm proud of you." She smiles, holding down the burst of excitement in her chest at his wondrous tone. “I’m really enjoying myself too.” 

"You should come with me tomorrow," he says. "To the picnic."

"I thought it was cancelled?"

"Panda rescheduled." 

"Oh. Thank you. I think I will." She smiles and shudders in the chill breeze.

Beside her, she hears fabric shifting, and then something warm and soft that smells like machine oil hits her in the head with a gentle thwup of fabric. 

"Hey!" she protests, struggling her way out of it. It's Kokichi's Fullmetal Alchemist hoodie, thick and soft beneath her fingers. "What was that for?" 

"Wear it. You're obviously cold." 

She turns to him to protest, and then immediately turns red and whirls right around. "You don't have a shirt on," she says shortly, her face feeling like it's entirely on fire.

"This is a robot." He sounds utterly baffled. "It’s just sheets of metal. I don't see why it matters. The Sentinel models don't even wear clothes at all." 

"That's worse!" she protests. "Put it back on!"

"Uh… if you say so." He reaches for the hoodie, but at that moment she realizes how cold she actually is.

She weighs her options for a moment. "...Never mind." She pulls it on over her shirt. It's thick and already surprisingly warm. She turns back to the balcony, but keeps her face stubbornly turned away from Kokichi, still blushing like crazy. 

He laughs again, that same staccato sound that she's grown so used to. Somehow even the awkwardness of it is endearing. “Sorry, I guess?”

“No, nonono! Don’t be, don’t be.” She leans against the fence, sighing and letting her eyes droop shut. “It was nice of you.” 

She fidgets with the railing. Yawns. Buries her face in the too-large collar of the hoodie, and crouches down, and falls backwards to sit on the concrete. 

"Are you tired?" Kokichi asks. 

"No," Kasumi lies. "I'm just sore."

"Did you wear yourself out training?" 

"...Yeah." What residual pain remains in her legs is that same cold, harsh feeling from Kokichi's cursed energy, but if she concentrates, she can turn it into the warm ache of sore muscles. 

He sits down too. "I'm proud of you too," he says, in a rush of words, as if he's been hyping himself up for a minute or two. She bets he has. That's kinda cute. 

"Thanks," she replies, too quiet and drowsy even to feel nervous. She leans sideways, against his shoulder. He shifts so her head is resting in the crook of his collarbone, rearranges the hood as a cushion. She closes her eyes. "We should go to bed." 

"Yeah, we should," he says. 

Kasumi huddles closer, the metal warm like a human body against her skin. He's surprisingly comfortable. "You shouldn't be letting me do this," she says, already half asleep. 

"Don't worry," he says. "I'll carry you in."

"Mmmmm, I don't wanna trouble you…"

"Kasumi," he says, and his voice is somehow both the most serious and most warm voice she's ever heard. "You've done so much. Let me do this for you."

"Mm," she says, and closes her eyes. 

INTERLUDE: Anything But 

“Am I a bad person?" 

"Not if you ask me." 

Her hair blows in the wind like a fine veil, and her eyes are dark and hard to make out. Past the green tint of my eyes, the sky is warm, and her nose is tinged pink. She looks down at her hands, her eyebrows making a little furrow of concern in the middle. Concern for me. 

I feel like I'm about to throw up, but I'm not afraid. The fizzy feeling is bubbling up through my stomach, gripping at my heart, the back of my throat. I have too many secrets, and they’re all crowding at me, all wanting to go the way of my family - to spill out and be forgiven for every horrible thing I’ve done and felt. I can’t fight them anymore. If the mute option was physical I'd have slammed it so hard it broke; as it is, I barely manage to mentally fumble at the setting before the words burst out, loud and echoing in my empty room. “I'm in love with you!" I yell, so loud it hurts my own ears, and then I have a breathless coughing fit that covers my own hysterical laughter. 

She doesn't hear me, of course, though my heart is pounding and everything about me is aching and I am panting because I've just exerted myself far more than I probably should. I am all alone here, half-out of my mech, hundreds of kilometres away from the girl I love, and I've never seen her in person. And then I close my eyes and I’m back in the mech in my mind’s eye, and she's right there, standing on the roof, and she's so close I could reach out and touch her hair. 

She's looking at me with this funny look on her face. 

I've done it, I think to myself, that's it, now I’ve done it, she knows, it's all over, as I check with muddled panic to make sure I was actually muted after all. I was. Thank god. I mentally kick myself. You dumbass.  

I catch my breath and unmute. 

Her lips scrunch up. It's so cute I could die (obviously). "Are you okay? Your microphone…"

I feel another illness in my throat, and I'm not sure if it'll come out a laugh or a sob so I swallow it whole to be safe. "Yeah," I say. "I'm okay." And I'm surprised to discover that I mean it. "Thanks for inviting me. Thanks for… for everything." 

She falls asleep in my arms. Kasumi Miwa falls asleep in my arms, and today has been a long series of moments I thought I'd never get to have, given to me so easily I can barely stand it. I carry her down the stairs carefully, trying with achingly slow steps not to bump her head against the metal of my arms. Her hair feathers out across the collar of my hoodie, a pale blue spray against the dark. My hoodie is too big for her and the sleeves swallow her hands, making sweater paws. Her eyes are shut, and her breathing is quiet, her lips slightly parted, the heels of her battered sneakers knocking gently against each other as I carry her. Her jaw spattered with acne, freckles on her forehead, a beauty mark I never noticed just below her ear. God, she's so perfect. 

I cannot express how many times I've dreamed of this moment and then kicked myself for being a creep. 

But - 

Not if you ask me. 

I'm nauseated and breathless and in pain and so fatigued I can barely move, and I don't care. I have never felt so peaceful. I'm so happy it feels surreal, like I've overdosed on painkillers and the whole world is spinning around me, and she is the eye of the storm. My face is killing me, nerves screaming to stop smiling so wide. I'm overflowing, it's too much - like any second now I'll become too happy to handle and I will finally go irrevocably insane. I would do anything for you, I think at her, as if she could hear me if I just felt enough pure joy. Anything, anything, anything. 

And a voice in the back of my head that sounds an awful lot like Mahito says, you would do anything but tell the truth, wouldn't you? 

Chapter Text

Kasumi's still in yesterday's clothes when she wakes, a bit dishevelled, on her bed with her covers tucked carefully around her. For a moment, she's disoriented, missing Kokichi's arms that she was certain were wrapping around her just a moment before - but they're gone. 

Wow, she kinda feels like crap. Did she overtrain yesterday? 

She sits up. There's sunlight streaming through the window and plates clanking in the background, and it's - it's half past nine. She's slept in, badly. Missed her window to practice with Kokichi's cursed energy this morning. But nobody woke her up to yell at her or demand breakfast and…

When she gets into the kitchen, Kokichi's at the counter. He immediately hands her a greenish smoothie and a plate with an omelette. He seems to have borrowed a shirt from Hiroki - it's bright purple and barely fits. "Your mom and Kenji and Hiroki have already eaten. And your mom's at work and Hiroki's at his friend's place and Kenji is watching TV but we have to take him to see his friend before we go out with Panda. If you still want to do that. Oh, um, good morning! How did you sleep?" 

"Whoa," she says, laughing, taking the plate and glass and leaning against the counter. She puts the hoodie on the counter beside her as well. "Thank you. I slept okay. You?" 

"...Yeah," he says, after a long pause. 

"Really?"

"...No. But it's okay. I'm okay. Really. I want to help where I can." He grabs the hoodie and pulls it on. "Besides," he says, voice muffled through the fabric, "you're on vacation. Better to let you chill out before the semester starts again, right?" 

"I guess so, but I really don't mind," Kasumi says, shrugging and taking a bite of the omelette. It's rich and salty and perfect. "Wow, this is good."

"Don't sound so surprised!" he protests, good-natured.

"S - sorry, I didn't mean it like that!" She blushes, but he's laughing. 

The room falls silent for a moment. Kokichi's still looking at her with the sun catching the side of his face and partially blinding Kasumi. She squints - yawns - runs a finger through her unbrushed hair and leans on the counter. So sleepy, and a needle-like headache is working its way from one temple to the other. She shouldn't have slept in so late. 

"Um," Kokichi says. "I did the dishes, too." 

"Thank you!" Kasumi smiles at him. 

His breath hitches and he coughs. "Um, you're welcome," he says, smiling back at her. "I'm just… happy to be here."

"Me too." And they grin at each other like idiots. 

The silence between them builds and builds until Kasumi can't stand it anymore. "Is that Hiroki's shirt you were wearing?" 

Kokichi seems to snap out of some sort of daydream. "What? Uh, yeah. It's weird how it fits, right? I thought it would be better not to undress you. I mean-! I mean, I just - you probably didn't want me taking your clothes off while you slept so I just - I mean - ahem. I'm sorry. Your mom said you have to do the laundry. Should we get started on the laundry?"

Kasumi laughs, even as her face turns bright red and she shoves every possible thought out of her brain. "Sure, yeah." 

Kasumi does the first half of the laundry while Kokichi reluctantly conks out on the couch for a nap. He forgets to mute, and she can barely repress her urge to giggle as his snores filter through the speakers. 

Eventually when he wakes up (with a hitch in his breath and another small coughing fit), the first thing he does is sit up and say, "Aw, shit, the laundry." 

Kasumi can't help but laugh aloud. "It's okay." She throws a pair of dinosaur socks at him. "There's still plenty." 

"You didn't wake me up," he complains, but Kasumi can tell it's a joke. He all but slithers off the couch and onto the floor with a thunk, where he picks up the dino socks, stares at them for a second, and then says, "I'm gonna need to google this." 

"You don't know how to fold laundry?" 

"Wh - no! I never had to learn, okay? Why does laundry have to be folded, anyway? It's not like it'll rot!" 

"It stops it from being wrinkly." Kasumi takes the dino socks from him and shows him how to fold one into the other. 

"Oh. Who cares." He roots around for another pair of matching socks. "Does it really matter that much if your shirt is wrinkly?"

"If you wanna look nice." 

"Biologically impossible."  

"Have you tried?" 

"Yes." 

Oh. Kasumi clears her throat and looks down. "Oh. Sorry." 

"No. Yeah. No. Sorry. It's not a big deal." He falls silent for a second. "Eyy! I folded them!" He presents Kasumi with a pair of sloppily folded grey socks. "Eh? Eh?" He nudges her with them. 

She can't help but smile. "Very good. Masterful work." 

"Pants next! Show me pants next." 

Eventually, Kasumi finishes her pile of laundry and exhales, leaning back. "Alright! Good to go."

Kokichi takes a second to stir. "Great. It's past eleven… should we take Kenji out?"

"Pardon?" Kasumi asks, looking up. 

"I said, it's past eleven, should we take Kenji out?"

"For what? Oh, the park? Crap, I forgot!" Kasumi scrambles to her feet, then sways and leans on the couch as a wave of dizziness overwhelms her and her vision goes staticky. "Whoa." 

"Don't worry." He's up by her arm, steadying her. "I'll get him. Go get an Advil." 

"An Advil? For what?"

"You look like your head hurts."

She blinks at him. "My head does hurt, now you mention it. How'd you know?" 

"I'm experienced," he jokes. "Now go on." 

"Alright, alright." She shuffles to the bathroom and gets herself an Advil (not brand name, of course - not at home), then shuffles to the living room and sits on the arm of the couch as Kokichi herds Kenji out of his room. Kenji has his head swivelled halfway around, talking animatedly to Kokichi even as he stumbles over the edge of the carpet and almost drops the Bumblebee action figure he's holding. "And it would be sooooo cool!"

"Just be sure not to get sand in the wheels," Kokichi says. 

"I won't!" Kenji laughs. 

"Okay, okay. Put on your shoes, we're gonna be late." 

"Okay! Hold this." Kenji shoves Bumblebee into Kokichi's hands and rushes down the hallway, fumbling through the rack for his sneakers. 

"How are you feeling?" Kokichi asks, turning to Kasumi.

"Definitely better." She yawns. "I think I'm just sore from yesterday. I'm swearing to myself to take it easier next time I train, that's for sure." 

"Wow," he teases. "It's about time." 

"Oh, shush. How about you?"

"Still a little… Ehh. I'll be fine, though. Do you have everything you need for the picnic, too? We could head straight there."

"Um." Kasumi checks her pockets - keys, money, phone. "Yep! Got everything. How about you?"

"I don't need anything," he says. 

"Oh, right." 

"Are you guys coming?" Kenji pops his head out from the hallway. "Come on!"

Kokichi heads down the hallway as well. Kasumi shoves herself up off the couch and follows, slipping her feet into her shoes without bothering to tie them before they head out the door. 

Kenji thumps down the stairs an entire flight and races back up before Kasumi's even halfway to the landing. "I forgot Bumblebee!" he blurts out. 

"Nope. I have him right here." Kokichi holds it out to him. 

He snatches it gratefully, beaming. "Thanks!" And he rushes off down the stairs again. 

Kasumi follows behind him, stumbling and almost falling on the very first step. Yikes. Kokichi catches her arm and sets her right, and she hurries down the rest of the stairs, blushing.

"Are you sure you're up for a walk?" he asks. 

"Yeah," she says, her face heating up even more. "I'm fine."

"Alright. Come on, let's hurry. I don't wanna lose sight of Kenji."

"Well, aren't you responsible," she teases, gripping the railing carefully as she gets to the next flight. "I thought you found him too hyper." 

"I like hanging out with kids!" he protests. "He's a cool little dude, he's just really tiring." 

"Yeah, he really is," Kasumi agrees. "Well, anyway, it's nice to not be the only babysitter in the house. This way I can take naps!" 

"Exactly," he says. "And I get to hang out with your cool little brother." 

"Spoken like an only child," she laughs. 

"I have a little sister, actually," he says after a slight pause. "I think I may have mentioned her before..." 

"Oh," Kasumi says. Ooohhhh, gosh, embarrassing. "Sorry, I forgot." 

"It's fine." 

"So… a little sister, that's cute. Yuki, right?" 

"Yeah. From what I've seen, she seems like a cute kid. Just like Kenji." A weak smile in his voice. "You know, she just turned five this summer." 

"She did?"

"Yep. I was there for the whole birthday party. I actually, um, skipped school so I could spectate." He puts a finger over his mouth, like, shhhh.

"I thought you said you've never met her?"

"I have a minidrone in the house. A fly on the wall, kinda." He pauses. "I know it's kind of creepy, but... it's my family, right?"

"I think it's fine," Kasumi shrugs. "If that means anything to you." 

"Well, either way, she had a lot of friends over, cake and loud music and stuff. It was a lot of fun. Mom and Dad had fun too, I think, even though Dad was stressed out trying to keep the kids from eating his paints." A laugh, a real one. "My sister got a chemistry kit for her birthday. She wants to be a doctor, but my family doesn't really have the money. I'm trying to find a way to get my earnings to them without letting them know I'm alive. Maybe some kind of fake charity or... I dunno." 

Kasumi pushes back the urge to ask why he doesn't just tell them. Even if it's stupid. Even if it's clearly making him sad for no reason. "I hope you figure something out." 

"Yeah. They always wanted more kids, but couldn't afford any. I'm… glad." He doesn't sound glad. 

"They probably miss you more than they want some hypothetical new kid," Kasumi says. 

"Well," he says. "I don't know. Whatever. They're over it now anyway." 

"I'm sure that's not true. They must miss you terribly." 

"...Whatever." His flat tone of voice is a signal clear as day to drop it, so she does. 

They walk in silence for a bit, pushing open the door to her apartment building (she checks to make sure she has her keys in her pocket and phew, yes she does) and stepping out into the sun. It glints off Kokichi's face even though he's pulled his hood up. Kenji's already halfway down the block, but he stops and waits for them to catch up, which is good because Kasumi can't really walk any faster than this. 

"Are you guys coming?" Kenji complains.

"Yes we are!" Kokichi laughs quietly. "And you babysat this kid every day for two years? No wonder you never got any work done."

Kasumi groans. "I'm too sore for this." 

By the time they get to the park, the sun has freshened her up and Kasumi almost feels good as new. Kenji rushes in through the gate, and Kasumi and Kokichi follow behind him, slowly along the pathway to the play structure. Sitting on the top of the slide is a kid that Kasumi vaguely recognizes as Kenji's friend. 

"Hiro!" Kenji calls, jumping up and down and waving at him. "Hey, Hiro!" 

"Kenji!" Hiro spots him across the playground and slides down the slide, hurrying over to meet Kenji with all the cute fake dignity of a kid who likes to act older than he is. "Why did you take so long?" 

"My sister's sloooow," Kenji says. 

"Oh, yeah. My brother too," Hiro grins. "Anyway–" But he looks up at Kokichi and stops in his tracks, his eyes going wide. "Whoa. Cool mask." 

"Uh," Kokichi says, taking half a step back. 

"What's your name? I'm Hiro." 

"Mechamaru," says Kokichi. 

"Like from Danganronpa?"

Kokichi groans quietly, resigned. "No, it's just my name…" 

"Your parents named you after a character from Danganronpa?" 

"No." 

"Hiro!" Kenji says, shaking Hiro's shoulder. "Hiro, Mechamaru is a robot!" 

"Seriously?" Hiro's eyes narrow. "Are you sure he's not joking?"

"I'm sure! Definitely sure! C'mon, come see!" Kenji rushes for Kokichi, who takes another step back. 

"You two," Kasumi scolds, already spotting this disaster waiting to happen. "Don't harass him."

"It's fine," Kokichi sighs, shuffling his feet around in the sandbox. "Just let them do their thing."

"If you're sure."

Hiro is not paying attention. He's staring up at Kokichi. "Are you really a robot?"

"Yeah, I sure am." Kokichi seems to have found his legs a bit, and his tone changes again, no longer containing the urge to run, run far away.

"Yeah, sure," Hiro snickers. "Can I try your mask?"

"It's not a mask," Kokichi sniffs. "It's my face." Kasumi suppresses a smile. 

"Liar." 

"Pull on it if you don't believe me," he shrugs, bending down.

Hiro puts his hands around Mechamaru's face and tugs, but it doesn't come off. He tries to lift it like a helmet, but that doesn't work either. His eyes go wide. "No way. Is it a suit, like Iron Man?"

"No, but I did take design tips from Iron Man. Here, I'll prove I'm a robot. Look." Kokichi pulls up his sleeve a bit and reaches down to pop open a panel on his forearm. 

Kasumi can't see it, just the strip of mottled metal revealed where his sleeve comes up, but Hiroki's eyes go wide and he reaches for the inside. "Whoa." 

"Oi, don't touch. That stuff is... don't touch it," Kokichi says, snapping the panel back into place. 

"Yeah!" Kenji adds, unreasonably excited by the whole thing. "And the reason is–" 

"Kenji," Kasumi warns. 

"No, no, it's alright," Kokichi says, a mischievous smile in his voice. He puts one finger up to his mouth, like, shhh, just where Hiro can't see. Kenji nods, wide-eyed. "I'm a real robot, through and through. My inventor wanted me to fight demons, and I didn't want to, so I ran away from home, and now I live with Kasumi."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"So you're kinda like Proto Man," Hiro marvels. 

"Yes, kinda like Proto Man." Kokichi is grinning. "I even have arm cannons like him." 

"Then why is your face so scary?"

"Because I have to look scary to the evil demons."

"I thought you said you don't wanna fight evil demons."

"I don't. But that's what I was made to do, so I look like a killing machine even though I really just chill out around here." He considers this for a moment. "So I'm really like reverse Proto Man." 

"Cool," Hiro says, his eyes sparkling, and Kasumi can't help but laugh. 

"Hmm, anyway, now I just do basic jobs for the Miwa family," Kokichi says. "Mostly just errands. I cook, I clean..."

"Cool!" Hiro cheers. 

"Yay," Kokichi says with a smug smile. "Errands! Chores!"

"Alright, alright, come on! I need to show you the action figure I bought!" Kenji says. He turns to Kasumi. "Be back at five! See ya later, Kasumi!" 

"Let me know if you need anything!" Kasumi calls after them, but they're already gone.

There's a moment of silence, then Kasumi bursts out laughing. "What the heck was that?!" 

"Oh man, I so thought that wouldn't work." Kokichi's trying so hard not to laugh and doing a terrible job. 

"Who's Proto Man?" Kasumi giggles. 

"He's like, um, Mega Man's long lost brother. There's lore. Do you want the Mega Man lore? I know all of it. There's an apocalypse involved, and like, cyber-elves." 

Kasumi laughs, equal parts delighted and horrified. "You have to tell me about that sometime." 

"Maybe I will." His laughter subsides. "Do you think he's really gonna tell his mom?" 

"Definitely," Kasumi says. "What did you show him? Do you have some sort of... I dunno, scrap section?"

"I'll show you," he says, turning around and popping open the panel again. "Don't touch, this is relatively important stuff. It's the coolant system and the, uh, the…" He gestures for a second, trying to remember. "Ah! Auxiliary processor for the joint actuators is somewhere around here." He pauses. "But the light is mostly for show." 

She peers into the panel. It goes pretty deep into his arm, a few wires feeding in and out and tubes of various sizes running through it into the dark. A green light is flashing quietly in the corner. "Whoa. Cool."

"Heh. You sound like the kid." He chuckles, snapping the cover back into place. "Now, I know what you're thinking, this access port is in a fucking stupid place! Well… yes. I was fourteen and stupid when I designed it. If this coolant gets damaged I have to run the auxiliary system, and... actually, I forgot to put an auxiliary processor in this model so that arm would be pretty much fucked. But the newest Ultimate - the one I use for school and combat - is triple redundant, I designed it last year with some help. And the access ports aren't in stupid places." And he sounds proud of it, too. 

"Why do you need that many?" she asks. "Is it really gonna get damaged all that easily? I mean, it looks pretty durable." 

"I overheat easily enough as is. Without coolant in full battle mode, it would actually melt the circuitry, joints, and more importantly the release mechanisms. We're talking explosions."

She leans back, frowning. "Is that safe?"

He laughs. "It's fine. There are, like, eight redundancies on it. Mechamaru will literally self-destruct before it lets an explosion happen."

"Sure, sure. And that self-destruction involves explosions, I'm guessing?" 

"Oh - shush! They're controlled explosions! Mostly. Listen, let's just get to the picnic!" 

They find their way to a station somehow and hop on the subway going west. Apparently there's a nice park somewhere farther inland. Well, even if Kasumi doesn't quite know this part of Tokyo that well, Kokichi seems to have the way memorized. So they transfer like three times, with Kasumi clinging closer to his arm through the bustling stations every time.

Eventually they emerge into a quieter area on a sloping hill. Up the hill there are more trees, and to the side a few shops. Kokichi leads her up the hill and over the crest into an abandoned little park area. It's nice - simple trees with lush leaves, quietly sighing in the wind. It's the afternoon, and this slope points west, so it's in a sort of sideways slanting sunlight, warm against the fresh air. That's where Kokichi stops, on the down slope of the hillside in the breeze. 

"It's such a nice day today," Kasumi marvels, leaning against a tree.  

Kokichi sighs. It's not clear if it's a sigh of contentment or sadness. 

"Everything okay?" 

"Yeah," he says. "It's fine. Just… it really is such a nice day today." 

She puts a hand on his shoulder, wants to speak but doesn't really have anything to say. "Let's sit down and wait for the others." 

"Yeah," he says, and sits down, putting his hood down as well. "I'm glad they found somewhere secluded."

Kasumi sits down as well, against a tree root to stay off the dirt. She pulls her knees up to her chest. "Well, I kinda like public parks with lots of people. This is nice too, though."

"Yeah, but for Panda." 

"Oh." She laughs. "True, I didn't think of that."

"Yes, it's like me trying to disguise myself in public, only ten times worse." He smiles.

"You're pretty good at it, for what it's worth. I almost didn't spot you when we left for my place." 

"Yeah, I know. It's really hard." He pauses. "Must be harder for him. I don't think he gets off campus almost at all except for missions." 

"You guys have a lot in common." 

"Yeah." He hesitates. "I tried to hurt him a while ago. Like, really. Like, I could have killed him." 

"What?!" 

"Yeah. The Goodwill Event. Yeah. I just got mad and… yeah." He hangs his head. "Sorry. I should have told you sooner." 

"Well, I'm not the one who you should be apologizing to, first of all," Kasumi says, trying and failing to muster up some kind of indignation at literal attempted murder. "Did he do something bad to you?"

"Other than assuming I was a cursed corpse? No."

"Oh." That's gotta sting, but still… 

"No, yeah, it really wasn't cool. I just…" He runs his hands over his head. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm sorry. No. Yeah. Sorry. I shouldn't be telling you all this. I'm just - fucking nervous, you know?" 

"Well… you guys have been texting for a while," Kasumi says. "So I bet he's forgiven you. But you could always just… say you're sorry. I dunno if there's anything else you can do." 

"Yeah," he says, and sighs. "Yeah. Thank you." 

"Hey," she says, and puts a hand on his arm. "You'll do good." 

"Thanks," he says. Then- "Either way, what about you, blending in in public? That haircut and colour can't exactly be good for it. Don't people think you're a punk or something?" 

"The haircut? What's wrong with it?" Kasumi's hands come up to feel the ends of her bangs. Yeah, they're getting kinda long, but… 

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You just don't seem like the type to call attention to yourself on purpose, so why dye your hair blue and style it that way? Just out of curiosity." 

"Blue? Oh, um… I– I don't dye it, actually," she stammers, blushing. "This is my normal hair colour… Hiroki's the same, I– I know it's kinda weird…" 

"No, it's pretty! I mean– I like it." 

"My mom used to dye it black, when I was in junior high," she confesses, brushing her bangs back into place and tucking her hair behind her ear so it doesn't blow into her face. "But it never stuck. I'm pretty sure it's something to do with having cursed energy. I always liked it blue, actually, so when I got to Jujutsu High I just washed out all the dye. And I cut it all uneven, too… I guess I just felt like reinventing myself. And look where that got me, huh? I'm still just little old me." A little smile.  

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you're great," he says. "And I think your hair is pretty too." 

She blushes, burying her face in her knees. "Thanks." 

The voices down the hill show up only a minute or two later. 

"...said he'd be around here?"

"Hey, are you sure you can trust this guy?" That's Maki Zenin's voice. "Didn't he try to kill you or something?" 

"Hey, the past is in the past!" A lower voice. Panda. Beside Kasumi, Kokichi tenses up, and she can't help but think about whether it was a genuine reaction or an act to seem more natural. Maybe both. 

"Of course you'd say that about attempted murder," Maki sighs. 

"Tuna mayo."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she snorts. "Whatever. As long as you didn't drag us all out here just to get blown off." She really sounds like Mai.  

"Even if he doesn't show up, we can still have a picnic," says a young-sounding voice. Must be that first-year, Itadori. 

"I guess so." 

"Aren't you gonna tell them you're here?" Kasumi murmurs, nudging Kokichi's knee. 

"Just– give me a second," he mutters, and Kasumi recognizes the tenseness of his voice, nods, and leaves him alone. 

"Dude, seriously," Maki complains from down the path. 

"What a nice day out," says Panda. "That grass looks tasty."

A pause. "You know, sometimes I can't tell if you're hamming it up or if you genuinely are just that weird."

"Salmon." 

But that's about the end of their conversation, because Kokichi takes two deep breaths, straightens up, and calls out: "We're here. You're all late."

A pause, then the response, distant down the path: "By like two minutes, asshole!" And Maki comes jogging through the trees. Panda, Itadori and Inumaki are close on her heels, Inumaki holding a big shopping bag. 

"Sorry!" Itadori gives them a little bow and jogs over as Kasumi and Kokichi get to their feet. "Yo! I don't know if you guys remember me, I'm–"

"Yuji Itadori. I know," Kokichi says. "I'm Mechamaru. I don't believe we've spoken."

"Nice to meet you," says Itadori. "Oh, and hey! Um, Miwa, right?" He beams at her. "Long time no see!" 

Kasumi blushes. "Hi. It's good to see you too." Kokichi makes a quiet unhappy noise, for whatever reason. 

A moment later, the others arrive and greet them with a smattering of hi and how's it going and kelp, and then Itadori's laying out a picnic blanket and Inumaki's setting out the food. Kasumi reaches into the bag. "Can I help?" 

"Salmon," he says, and gives her a thumbs up, so she'll take that as a yes. 

She helps him lay out the sesame buns, paper plates and rice balls, then plops right down on the slightly lumpy blanket with a sigh of contentment. "This looks really good, did you make it yourself?"

"Fish flakes," he says, shrugging. 

"Some of it," Maki chimes in. "The buns we bought at the store–"

"I made the sandwiches!" Itadori says, waving. 

"Yeah, and I brought the drinks," says Panda merrily, trying and failing to crack open a can of fizzy water. Itadori takes it and opens it for him. "Hey, thanks." 

"No problem, dude. Hey, aren't you gonna sit down?" Itadori asks Kokichi. 

Kasumi watches him come back from wherever he was spacing out to, the barely perceptible change from an empty statue to a moving person. She's half expecting him to stutter something out, like huh? um, yeah – but he doesn't, just sits down beside her without saying a word. Around so many people, there's no point in asking if he's okay. Quietly, she turns away from the chatting of Maki and Panda and creeps a hand right up to the tips of his fingers to brush against them where they rest against the blanket, hoping he'll get the message. 

He exhales, so that's probably as good of an acceptance as she's gonna get. Kasumi turns her attention back to the crowd, only to find Itadori staring at them with half a sesame bun already crammed into his mouth. He blinks, grins. "Are you guys gonna get started on the food, or what?" 

"Oh, I forgot!" Kasumi reaches over and picks out two sesame buns, offering one to Kokichi and taking a bite of her own. "Want some?"

"...What?"

She glances at him, then down at her hand, holding out a sesame bun - and her stomach drops. "Oh, shoot, I'm sorry. I forgot." 

"Forget it," he murmurs. "It's fine." 

Kasumi swallows and nods, tucking her hair behind her ear with a pallid smile. 

"Welllll," Itadori says, his eyes flicking from Kasumi to Kokichi, "anyway, how's it going? Defeat any cool curses lately?" 

"Curses aren't cool," Kokichi says. 

"Yeah, we did!" Kasumi says, feeling a little bit bad for ignoring him, but at the same time, he's being boring and Itadori's such a fun dude. "We fought a giant first-grade in an abandoned mall! It shot itself down the corridor like a bullet train and we had to hide in a hair salon!" 

"Whoa, that's sick," Itadori says, his eyes wide. "How'd you beat it?"

"Kasumi was extremely reckless," Kokichi says, still stiffly but now regaining some of the teasing tone he always uses. "After we injured it, it began to thrash–"

"Hey, don't sell yourself short!" Kasumi cuts him off, turning to Itadori and starting to gesture. "He totally blew the whole thing up, it was half dead already."

Kokichi clears his throat. "Right. Anyway, it began to thrash, and I had to fight it but it began to overwhelm me, at which point Kasumi thought it would be a good idea to jump forward and slash at it. This thing was twice the size of a bus, by the way. It did some damage, but didn't finish it off–" 

"–so it tried to eat me! But Mechamaru grabbed me and threw me back and it ate him instead, and for a second I thought we were totally done for. But he literally blew it up from the inside out!" Kasumi is grinning just thinking about it. "And you know what, its face looked exactly like one of the heads from Spirited Away." 

"Oh, seriously? All I get is ugly ones!" Itadori complains. "They either look like these messed up potato things or genie-looking dudes, or they just look like people, and it's boring." 

"You've fought cursed spirits that look like people?" Kokichi asks. And hey, there's something kinda weird about the way he asks it. It's too casual. The tone is perfectly normal on the face of it, yeah, but it's… wrong. Too quick, maybe. 

Itadori doesn't seem to notice - but then, he doesn't know Kokichi all that well. "Yeah, dude, I've been fighting special grades ever since friggin' Patchface." 

"Wait, really?" Now it's Kasumi's turn to feel her eyes go wide. "I heard about Hanami, but there were more?"

"Uh, yeah, like four or five," he says, waving his arms around. "They won't leave me alone! Y'know, I bet it's that patchface guy." 

"Mahito?" Even milder, even more casual. "Utahime warned us about him." He nudges Kasumi. "He's the one who hurt those people in the pictures." 

"What pictures?" she asks, blinking. 

"The ones Utahime showed us." He hesitates. "You know… the people Mai said deserved to die." 

Oh. Oh. Oh, gosh. "Ah… huh," Kasumi says, painfully aware of how awkward she is as they both try not to talk about the argument. "Thanks." 

"Yo, wait, she said they deserved to die?" Itadori chews on his lip, confused. "What's that about?"

"She didn't mean it like that," Kasumi interrupts. "She meant like mercy killing them. Not that I agree." 

Kokichi makes a quiet noise, unreadable, but says nothing. 

"Oh, I… huh. Yeah, I dunno." Itadori's expression falls. "If it's possible… I mean, I'd have liked for them to live." 

"Yes, exactly," Kokichi says insistently. "It's so disrespectful to say that killing them is mercy. It removes their own opinions from the equation too, as if they aren't people who might not want to die just because their bodies have changed or because they're suffering. If they had access to life support, maybe they could survive and live worthwhile lives, but instead we're told to put them out of their misery like animals. It's fucking despicable." 

"Well… yeah, I guess," Itadori mumbles. "They're not usually in their right minds anyway, once he's done with them. But–" He clears his throat, forcing himself to look cheery again by the looks of it– "Anyway, enough of that. It's a total bummer." 

"Hm," Kokichi says. "How did you beat him?" 

"I didn't," Itadori says mournfully. "He got away. But basically we double-teamed him. And hey, no offense, but you guys should stay away from him either way." 

"I'm immune," Kokichi says. "But I see your point." 

"What? You are? How?"

He pauses, just a little longer than is comfortable. "This is not my real body."

"Ohhhhhh. It's like, a puppet thing, right? Yeah, I heard about that!" Itadori stuffs another rice ball in his mouth, now entirely recovered from his burst of sadness. "Me too 'cause Sukuna. Immune gang!" 

"...Who told you that this is a puppet?" 

"Like, Kugisaki or someone? I dunno anything else about you, dude, literally." 

"Not Panda?"

"Nah, dude never gossips." 

"I see."

There's a gentle clap from the other side of the picnic blanket. Kasumi looks up, startled, while Itadori just quirks an eyebrow at the source of it: Inumaki. "Rice," he says, pointing at the sesame buns and then making a grabby motion with his palm down.

"Sure, dude." Itadori reaches for the plate. Kasumi grabs it and gives it to him, and he holds it out to Inumaki. 

Inumaki taps one flat sideways hand to his wrist, then grabs the plate. Itadori nods and turns back to his own food. Noticing Kasumi still looking at him, Inumaki gives her the same gesture and a thumbs up. "Salmon." 

"Uh," she says. 

"He's saying thank you," Kokichi says quietly, nudging her. 

"Oh. You're welcome." Kasumi smiles at him and keeps eating. 

Inumaki's eyes widen and his gaze focuses on Kokichi. He twirls his pointer fingers around each other, cocking his head with a questioning expression. 

"No. Sorry. I only know the basics." 

Inumaki shrugs and gives him a thumbs up, grabbing a few sesame buns and then passing the plate to Panda. "Soy sauce." 

"Mm." Kokichi goes back to staring down at his knees. 

"...and anyway," Maki is saying, "that guy doesn't know shit. It's all a big pissing contest. I'm just gonna focus on getting stronger."

"Oh, are they still not gonna promote you? Man, that's rough!" Itadori sympathizes. "Have you tried talking to Principal Yaga?"

"Yeah, but there's nothing he can do. It's not like I give a damn about ranking, it's just boring never being able to fight someone worth their salt." Maki snorts. "I'm sick of sparring."

"Ooh, speaking of sparring," Panda says. "Shouldn't we train with the Kyoto students while they're here? I hope you all got better since the exchange event. What about a rematch?" He cocks his head at Kokichi, specifically. 

"This is a scrap model," Kokichi says. "I can't." 

"Aw. Next time." 

"Tuna," Inumaki shrugs. 

"Well, I could!" Kasumi chimes in, bouncing her hand on one knee to push down the nerves as Maki looks her way. "I think I've gotten a bit stronger. I mean, I sure hope so. I remember how fast you were during the exchange event, too, Itadori. Maybe I can beat you this time!"

"I seriously doubt you could beat Itadori," Maki says. "This guy is fucking insanely strong. He, Fushiguro and Nobara took down a couple of special grades without breaking a sweat." 

"I broke a sweat!" Itadori protests, cracking open a takeout box to reveal some tteokbokki. "We all did." 

"You literally escaped with all your limbs, but go off." Maki reaches for a pair of chopsticks. "Gimme some of that." 

"Mhm." He passes one over onto her plate. 

"Ooh, me too! I haven't had Korean food in ages." Kasumi reaches her plate out for some. Itadori dishes it out. 

"Soy sauce?" Inumaki asks him, gesturing to the box.

"Oh, you want some too?" Itadori goes to give him some.

Inumaki stops him. "Fish flakes." 

"...Sorry?"

Inumaki sighs. "...kimchi?" 

"That's not a rice ball ingredient," Itadori says, confused. 

"No, dude, he just wants the kimchi." Maki laughs, digging around in the pile of dishes. "Guess you just found another safeword. Here."

Inumaki nods, takes it and signs, "Thank you." 

"No problem. Now pass me a sandwich." He does, and she takes a bite. "Thanks. Itadori, these are killer." 

"Hey, thanks! I told you I'm a good cook. Panda's a great sous-chef, too."

"I gathered the ingredients," Panda says, to Maki's disbelieving look. "Hey, it's not so hard to believe that I could cook something, is it? I'm great with a knife!"

"I shudder at the thought," Maki laughs. 

"Tuna."

Kasumi laughs along with Maki. As the conversation tapers off and people get down to their food, though, she starts to notice Kokichi again. He's just sitting there, not moving and obviously not eating either. Right… a picnic. Food, sunlight, the feeling of being outside. That's the whole point of it. All these little things he can't do. 

Crap, she should find some way to include him. Unless that's condescending. Should she ask? Or is even that going too far? Ugh, she has been friends with him way too long to still be unsure about this stuff…

Kokichi reaches over and pats her on the arm awkwardly. His face is, as always, expressionless when he looks at her, but somehow she gets the message. She smiles and nods. 

"You two are cute together, by the way," Itadori says through a mouthful of tteokbokki. "Congrats." 

Kokichi's gaze snaps to him just as Kasumi's stomach feels like it's imploding from embarrassment. "What?" 

"I said–" He swallows and wipes his mouth on his sleeve– "You two are cute together. Congrats." 

"Yeah," Panda chimes in. "Congrats." 

A moment of awkward silence. Kasumi looks at Kokichi, and he looks at her, oh, gosh, she already knows from the heat that her face is bright freaking red. She hunches into herself and looks down. "Um–" 

Itadori glances from Kokichi to Kasumi and back again. "What? Did I say something wrong?" 

"We're not together," Kokichi says, flat and just a little too fast to pass as nonchalant. "I don't date." 

"Oh. I just figured, like, the personal names and… ha! Ignore me." He clears his throat with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I hope I didn't make anything awkward."

"Not at all," Kasumi reassures him, even though he definitely, definitely did, and her face is bright red to prove it. "But yeah, no, we're– we're just friends!" 

"Yo, Mechamaru," says Maki, coming to the rescue. Kasumi internally kneels before her in worshipful gratitude. "You make cursed weaponry, right?"

"Yes, I do." 

"Cool. Would you be interested in collaborating? I'm getting bored with the armory at school."

"Uh… I mostly do robotics, though." He straightens a little, and Kasumi breathes a sigh of relief, lying back so nobody can see how she's still blushing. "What did you have in mind?"

"I dunno, dude. I don't need anything too elaborate but it might be cool if…"

They continue on like that, but Kasumi stops listening. She nibbles on a rice ball and stares into the shifting leaves, her gaze wandering across tree trunks, bushes and roots. The patterns on the bark are pretty. She's tired. Her headache has faded down to a tiny little needlepoint, but it's definitely there. 

I don't date, Kokichi had said. What was that supposed to mean? Well, not that Kasumi was going to date him. No. She doesn't even have a really big crush on him, really, because crushes are supposed to feel intimidating, right? And he – well, he kind of does. But not in the same way! It's not like Satoru Gojo, where even being around him makes her feel like she's gonna explode. It's just not the same, because he's her friend and they talk and they really care about each other… and maybe she has had a tiny crush and maybe she's thought about having a boyfriend that does the kind of stuff he does and…

…even still, Kasumi can't shake the pit of disappointment. I don't date. It's like a door slammed shut before she even thought of going through it - or, thought about it seriously, anyway. Not that she would have, necessarily! But she's still upset 'cause after all, he shut it right in her face right away with no space for discussion. Heck, he didn't even sound nervous. Not that much anyway. Well, okay, maybe he sounded really nervous. Is there a history behind that, maybe? 

I don't date. Like, at all? Well, maybe it's a personal choice or something. Maybe he just doesn't like romance, or doesn't have the time. Heck, maybe he's gay! And that's… fine. That's fine, and cool, and good for him, and none of Kasumi's business, she resolves. And with that, she takes a short breath, sits up, and rejoins the conversation. 

They keep chatting until the food is all finished, and by that time it's gotten a little warmer out. The heat of the day comes and goes, but the shade protects them. All told, it's pretty much the perfect temperature. Itadori demonstrates his running speed (insane), beats Kasumi at a competition of reaction speed (three times), and denies any previous affiliation with Aoi Todo (loudly). About halfway through, Kokichi and Panda and Maki get into a pretty involved conversation about cursed energy mechanics, leaving Itadori, Kasumi and Inumaki to pack up the empty food containers so that the ants don't get to them. And then, once they're finished packing up, there's nothing left to do but head back up the path. So they do. 

Kasumi falls to the back of the pack as they walk, so she's just in the right position to see Kokichi pull Panda back slightly to walk behind everyone else. "Hey, can we talk for a minute?" 

"Well, sure! What about?" Panda asks, a big goofy smile on his face. 

"I just… wanted to thank you." Kokichi says. "For being so open to the scheduling change."

"That was everyone!" Panda says easily. "Don't give me all the credit." 

"Yes, but all the same, I'm more used to people just going on without me." 

"What would be the point of the picnic then?" 

"That's… my point, thank you," Kokichi says. "I also wanted to apologize in person for just… everything, I guess. The Goodwill Event, and… I'm sorry. That was really fucked up, what I did."

"Oh, I already told you, that's water under the bridge. And when are you gonna let me visit you, huh?" Panda nudges Kokichi so hard he nearly falls over. 

Kokichi laughs awkwardly. "Well, thank you, then. It means a lot. It's…" He stops for a long moment, then sighs. "Never mind. Just… thank you. I appreciate it."

"No worries!" Panda says. He slaps Kokichi on the back. "Good luck with, yanno, everything." 

"Yeah," Kokichi says, with a mildly relieved laugh. "Yeah. Thanks. You too, I guess." And he ducks away from Panda, coming over to walk alone nearer to Kasumi. 

They end up walking beside each other naturally, with Kokichi matching her speed almost exactly. Or maybe she's matching him. Either way, the silence isn't exactly tense, but it isn't exactly relaxed, either. Unaddressed ideas buzz in the air between them. 

Eventually it's Kasumi who makes the first move with a safe statement. Well, relatively safe anyway. "That was brave of you." 

"What was?" 

"Talking to Panda." 

"Oh, you heard that?" He sounds embarrassed. "I should have been quieter."

"No! It's fine, I don't mind." She smiles at him. "It sounded good. I'm really happy you have friends, and I'm proud of you for saying it." 

"Yeah," he says, with an almost-surprised laugh. "Me too. Besides, I have you to thank for that. You've been a good role model. I'm just trying to be… nicer? I guess?" 

"Ah! Well, I'm glad." Kasumi smiles. "Oh, hey, and, um… why'd you ask about that special grade?" 

"Mahito?" 

"Yeah."

"...I don't know," he says. It couldn't be a more obvious lie. "He's dangerous. I want to know how to deal with him if I ever have to take him down." 

"I guess," says Kasumi, but she doesn't manage to sound convinced either. She picks at the back of her hand. "Aren't you immune to him?" 

"You're not," Kokichi points out. "What if I have to defend you from him? Or Kamo, or Nitta? What then?" 

"Then, I dunno, just fight him like normal."

"He's not normal. He's special grade."  

"Yeah, I know, I know." She doesn't even know why she's trying to argue. What he's saying makes sense, it just… doesn't sound right on him. 

They make their way to the edge of the forest and say goodbye to everyone. Kokichi doesn't directly talk to Panda, just nods at him. Panda goes, "See you around!" and Itadori and Maki say the same, and Inumaki waves goodbye, and then they're walking away and they get smaller and then they're gone, and it's just Kokichi and Kasumi once again. 

By the time they get home, it's almost four o'clock. Kasumi and Kokichi sort of agree without talking to just take some time to themselves. Kasumi intends to pack, she really does… but the minute she makes it into her room, she just zonks right out on the bed.

She awakes to Kokichi shaking her shoulder. "Hey," he says. "Wake up." 

"Huh?" She raises her head to squint at him. The light is dimmer than when she lay down, so she assumes some time has passed. Long shadows swallow the nooks and crannies of her room. "Wazzup?" she says blearily. 

"It's past five," he says. "I swept the floor. Your mom's about to get home with Kenji, and she said she'd head to her second job after that. Since it's your last night here, I thought you might wanna… I dunno, hang out with them."

Oh, crap, it is her last night here, isn't it? Kasumi sits up, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "Oh. Thanks."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why?" 

"I've never known you to take naps this long. I'm sorry if the picnic tired you out too much."

"Hah! I'm fine. If I can handle missions, I can handle a picnic." She brushes him off. 

"They're different activities entirely," he says. "If you need to rest more, I can leave you alone."

"No, no, it's fine. I shouldn't have left you alone to sweep anyway. How rude of me!" Kasumi laughs, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

"I really don't mind. It's the least I can do in exchange for hosting me."

"It's not like we even had to feed you or anything. You're a dream guest," Kasumi says, getting up.

"Hah. You should see how much of a pain I am to take care of in person."

"Well, I wouldn't mind even if you were here in person. In fact, that sounds fun." Kasumi picks up her laundry basket and leaves the room. "Do you have anything to pack up?"

"No… but I should clean Kenji's room, if you're packing."

Kasumi stops in her tracks, resting her laundry basket on her hip with a sigh. "Kokichi…"

"Don't worry about it! Go pack. Seriously. I'll see you later." And without even waiting for permission, he leaves. 

By the time Mom comes home from work, it's late. Hiro's long gone and Kenji is watching cartoons in the living room while Hiroki cleans up the last specks of dinner. Kokichi is sleeping, presumably - either that or he's focusing on another bot somewhere else, because Mechamaru is draped, unmoving, across the couch. Kasumi, who's on her phone reviewing the upcoming units for school, looks up when the door clicks. 

"I'm home!" Mom calls. 

"Hi Mom!" Hiroki and Kenji chorus back at her.

Kasumi goes to get her clothes. On the way, she gives Mom a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Mom. Welcome home. How are you?"

"Tired," she admits with a weary smile. 

"Coworkers wearing you down?" Kasumi calls down the hall. 

"You guessed it."

"You know," Kasumi calls from down the hall, "soon that'll be over."

"I know, sweetie. I know." She's smiling. "Thank you." 

"Well, of course. It's what a good daughter would do." She's smiling too as she comes back. "It's the least I can do after you let me go off to school away from home, and all."

"Well, I just want you to follow your dreams."

Her dreams. Yeah, right. "My dream is to help you guys," she answers. 

"Aww!" Mom hugs her again, tight and warm. "That's so sweet, Kasumi, thank you."

She smiles as she steps back, a little more awkwardly this time. "Of course. I'm, uh, gonna go get packed now." And she slips off down the hallway. 

When she's done folding all her clothes into her suitcase and packing away her stuff, the sun has half-set already. The world outside is going grey. 

The whole night's got this weird, dreamy quality, like they always do before she leaves a place. Kasumi wanders around a little bit, touching doorframes. She lingers in the living room, watches Kenji's episode of Naruto end, watches him turn off the TV by himself and head to bed, so responsible. He smiles at her on the way out. She kisses him goodnight and tells him that she'll probably be gone when he wakes up. That he should be good, and nice to his friends, and pay attention in class, and don't stress Mom out too much. He tells her good luck fighting cool monsters. 

Hiroki finishes whatever he's doing a while later, and comes over to give her a hug and get a goodnight kiss and her well-wishes. Good luck at school, be good to your friends, pay attention in class. You're a good kid, Hiroki. Keep it up. He tells her she's doing great too, and that she should know Mom was crying in the grocery store. It's true that the fridge is full to bursting with good, fresh food. She thanks him and hugs him again, and then he tells her to stay safe and heads off to bed. 

Mom goes and checks on Kenji and Hiroki, gives Kasumi a big hug and thanks her for the money again, thanks her for caring for the family. Thanks her for visiting. Of course, Mom. It's no problem. I love you. I'll see you around. 

Kokichi wanders around tidying up as well, and once everyone's gone to bed and the lights are dim and their bags are slumped against each other by the door, he approaches her in the living room. "You feeling okay?" 

"Huh? Why?" she asks. 

"You look sad."

"I am sad." She doesn't meet his eyes, just scratches at the back of her hand.

He makes his way over to the couch and sits down. She joins him. "Is there anything I can do?" 

"No, no, it's fine, I'm just... gonna miss them." She smiles, soft, sad, small. "But– uh. I guess I shouldn't be complaining about this to you, you don't even have– I mean, it's just not..." 

"No, it's fine," he says, and reaches over to give her a hug. 

She presses her forehead against his chest. The metal is unforgiving, even through the fabric of his hoodie. She sniffles into the fabric, then draws back. "Oh, sorry, I'm gonna get your hoodie all gross..."

He draws her back in. "Don't worry about it." 

"Gosh, I'm sorry," she laughs into his chest. 

"You haven't done anything wrong." His hand comes up to rest on her arm, heavy and cool. "Sorry, I'm not very good at this, but, uh. I'm trying to get better. Whatever you need, just tell me and I'll... I'll try."

"Thanks," she sniffles. "I appreciate it." 

"Yeah," he says softly. "It's my pleasure." 

Kokichi wakes her at six. Together, silently, they gather their bags and leave. He carries them all. As she walks away from the apartment building, down the city street in the pale morning light, Kasumi tries not to think of her family. She tries so hard, but a few tears end up slipping out. Kokichi puts an arm around her shoulder and squeezes gently, and she puts her forehead on his shoulder for a second before they pull away. It stings a little. Guess she got a sunburn yesterday.

"So," he says, the sound carrying gently over the sound of the city waking up. "That was nice."

"Yeah," she says. "It really, really was."

"I was gonna go to Akihabara," he says absentmindedly. "Well, what's done is done."

"You can come back next time I visit them, if you want."

He chuckles quietly. "I don't think I have enough time left." He sounds almost afraid. Even Mechamaru looks a bit unsure, its jagged metal edges lost in the soft pinkish light. 

"What?"

"Never mind, I shouldn't have... I'll tell you later." 

Kasumi glances at him. "No, what? I'm sorry, but if something is going to happen, I'd much rather you tell me-"

"Don't worry," he says with a wry grin, reading what she's really thinking. "I'm not dying on you just yet." 

"Oh, good." And she can breathe again. 

They keep going in comfortable silence, making their way to the train. Kasumi checks her phone at the station as Kokichi checks the times - one text from Utahime, from earlier this morning. Good morning, Kasumi. Are you with Mechamaru right now? Please come speak to me once you arrive at school. 

She looks at Kokichi. "Utahime's asking about you." 

"She is?" A frown. "May I see?"

She shows him the text. 

"Hmm." He shrugs. "Tell her whatever you want." 

"Are you sure? There isn't anything you need me to keep personal?"

"Oh, she knows everything. Just do whatever you're okay with."

"Do you know why she's asking?"

"No clue." He shrugs, but he still sounded like he was frowning. 

"Maybe she's just worried about you."

His tone closes off. "Whatever."

Kasumi frowns, but stops talking.

Their train arrives. Kokichi puts their bags on the top rack and they sit down together. He turns away, staring intently at the markings on the floor. Kasumi watches the reflections of her face on the window as the train passes underground. Slowly, steadily, her head starts to hurt, and her limbs become heavy.

There's a moment of silence, filled only by the rattling of the train. 

"Kasumi?" Kokichi says.

"Yeah?" 

"Thank you."

"Thank you," she replies. 

"I'm serious. This week, it was… it was nice. Because of you. I…" He struggles for words. "I just wanted to tell you that. The world is better with you in it. My world, at least. I'm sorry, that sounded stupid. I just don't want you to feel like you're a burden. You're not a burden. You're - you're really not a burden." 

She stares at the floor and exhales, long and hard. "I… don't know what to say." 

"You don't have to say anything. You just have to believe me." 

"I'll try," she says quietly. "If you promise to try and believe the same about yourself. Okay?"

"Okay," he says. "I'll try." 

Chapter Text

The door is familiar, a normal classroom door with a frosted window, undecorated except for the tiny label that says classroom 2. Still, Kasumi stares at the sliding grooves on the ground for a long time before she musters up the willpower to knock. 

"Come in." 

She does, shutting the door behind her with a quiet clack, and bows. "Utahime. You said to come see you after I came back from vacation…"

"Of course." Utahime's got her reading glasses on and is sitting at the front, beside a stack of papers. She nods, finishing whatever she's writing and setting it aside before she looks up at Kasumi. "I wanted to talk to you for a moment about Mechamaru, if that's alright."

"Um... Okay." Well, that's strange. Kasumi can't help but feel a little nervous - and maybe a little insulted. How come she's asking Kasumi and not Kokichi? Is this some kinda weird scheme? Well, he is a very private person, and she is the only one who really talks to him that much... that's kind of sad... but still. She could at least ask her how her day was first. "Is there some sort of problem?" 

"No, there's no problem. How is he doing?"

"Fine, as far as I know. He seems pretty chilled out whenever we spend time together." The back of her hand itches, but she doesn't scratch it. 

"Good," Utahime says, and nods. "Hmm. That's good. Thank you for being such a good friend to him."

Okay, this conversation is seriously weird. "Sure, no problem. If you don't mind my asking, though, Utahime, um... why...?" She was gonna ask why she asked Kasumi about him, or why she was thanking Kasumi, but it’s kind of just the whole conversation at this point. 

"I'm afraid it's not fully up to me to say," Utahime says, "but I worry. Sometimes he makes… erratic decisions. But I believe a stronger support network is evening him out." 

Oh. Kasumi hums, trying not to look nervous. "I don't think he'd like you talking about that."

She nods. "I'm sure he wouldn't." She pauses, then looks back at Kasumi, her eyes probing. "Has he been acting strange lately?"

"Huh? Strange how?"

"Has he told you anything new about himself, any secrets or anything? You don't have to tell me what they are."

"Nothing you don't already know," Kasumi says. 

"Is that what he told you?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's just about his health and mental health and stuff. And some of his history." Well, there was that one bit about skipping class to attend his little sister's birthday party, but she hardly thinks that's the sort of thing Utahime is looking for. 

"Hmm," Utahime says. "Thank you. That's helpful. You're dismissed." 

"Thank you," Kasumi echoes, bowing and leaving the room. 

As she shuts the door behind her and starts to head down the hall, though, she runs directly into something hard that makes a quiet clang. 

She yelps, and looks up, but it's just Kokichi. "Kokichi! You scared me! What's up?" 

He glances around, but nobody's there. "Please don't say my name so loud around here," he says quietly. 

"Oh. Sorry. Anyway, what's up?" 

"Did Utahime ask you anything odd?"

She laughs. "You guys are doing the exact same thing, you know that? Yeah, she asked me if you'd been acting strange or if you'd told me any secrets."

"And what did you say?" His voice holds a weird amount of urgency, for someone who theoretically has nothing to hide. 

"I said no. Are you okay? You seem stressed." Kasumi frowns.  

"Good," he says. "Good. Thanks. I have to go."

"Kokichi, is there something wrong?"

"No." But he's clearly lying. Even Kasumi can tell. "There's nothing wrong. I'm going to rest for a while. See you tomorrow?"

"Um, sure. Where do you wanna meet?"

"Oh, good question. Training grounds?"

"S- sure! Which one-" But it's too late, he's already run off. Kasumi stares after him, frowning. 

"You seem tired."

"I am tired," Kasumi yawns. She stretches up towards the cloudless sky and settles down again limply on the edge of the patio overlooking Training Ground 2, letting the CE canister clatter limply out of her grasp. 

"Didn't sleep well?" Kokichi asks with a hint of humour, cocking his head at Kasumi. He's back in the Ultimate model, sleek and relatively intact, with his right hand lying in front of him completely disassembled. 

"Not at all. I think I'm sick or something." She slumps over sideways, feeling the sun-warm wood on her cheek. "Bleh. I'm too tired to train."

"Then don't." 

She sticks her tongue out at him. "As if." 

"Simple Domain, then?" he asks, slightly weary.  

"That's the plan." She springs up and snatches the canister off the ground, shaking it around like a bottle of ketchup. "Hup! Let's go."

He chuckles. "You are so strange sometimes, you know that?"

"Silence!" She points the canister at him, grinning. "I'm trying to hype myself up, you know! There's no use lying around when there's work to do." 

"Alright, alright! Woo! Go Kasumi, do your best." He mimes clapping with the disassembled stump of his right hand. "How's that?" 

"Perfect!" She casts a Simple Domain with ease, settling back into it and taking a long, deep breath. The canister buzzes and jumps a little in her hand, reacting to the remnant cursed energy in her system. She starts to release it, breathing through the rippling, tingling waves of sensation that move across her skin. 

"Does that feel weird?"

"It's a little hard to focus," she says. "But I'll be fine."

"And you're sure it doesn't hurt or anything?" 

"You already asked me that," she laughs, twisting around to raise an eyebrow at him. "What's up with that?"

He shrugs. "Just making sure everything's safe."

"That's fair! It makes training a heck of a lot easier, that's for sure." She shrugs, careful not to move her feet too much. "Anyway, my plateau's broken so I think it's a good thing!" 

"It is? Well, that's great!" He's smiling. "You gonna use it in battles, or…?"

"Dunno." She shrugs again. "I might run out before I get the chance."

"There are extra canisters in my dorm room you could use," he says. "Just ask if you want any, yeah?" 

She laughs. "You're the best!" 

He nods quietly, the panels in his neck creaking dimly against each other. “No problem…” He hesitates. “Would you mind showing me how the CE lattice is constructed in your Simple Domain? It seems more durable than mine, but I can never quite figure out how to construct the inner layers.” 

"Oh! Sure! So, it's basically, like… you make kinda… like, it's almost crystal-y?"

He gets up, leaving the remnants of his hand lying beside him. "Show me. Slowly this time." 

It's hours before Kasumi gets back to her dorm room, her throat sore from explaining the structure so many times. It's strange - the way her teacher explained it to her, it seemed so intuitive, but Kokichi… well, it was like speaking a whole different language, all structural integrity and cursed units and pseudoexponential decay.

As she flicks on the light and throws herself on the bed with a sigh of exhaustion, the image of his latest Simple Domain flashes through her mind - a shimmering ball of acrid energy, a little too many faces to quite be called properly constructed but definitely taking on some Domain-like forms in the centre. Gosh, it's like junior high all over again. 

She tries hard not to think about how it took ages for her to achieve anything even like that, even with expert guidance. It's not fair, she knows, to compare herself to Kokichi. If he's so sick he can barely function sometimes, it's only fair that he be able to conjure up miracles at breakneck speed, and she knows it's insulting to be jealous of him given the price he's paid, but… Simple Domain was her thing. 

She sighs and buries her face in the pillow, closes her eyes and squeezes them shut. She has a sunburn, and her skin feels tight on her body, and itchy, and painful. She sighs again and tries half-heartedly to convince herself to do her homework before she goes to sleep. She does not succeed. 

Well, she thinks as she drifts off, all's not lost, at least. At least - at least Kokichi won't leave her behind. At least he respects her, at least he still has more to learn from her. Maybe she'll ask him to go on a mission tomorrow. Yes, that's what she'll do. They'll go on a mission and she'll get more money for Mom, and - and everything will be okay. 

"No," Kokichi says. "No way." 

"What? Why?" Kasumi protests. "But I feel–"

"However you feel, you don't look good," he says. "You look like you can barely run around, never mind fight a high-intensity battle. Go rest." 

"I got enough rest! More than enough! I swear!" It's not her fault that she woke up unrefreshed and it's absolutely not her fault that her itchy skin is making her feel crappy. "I shouldn't be punished for stuff I can't control, you know. I'll freshen up once I get moving, just like you! I just need to–"

"No," Kokichi says. "I have extenuating circumstances, I'm literally cursed to fight. You are just sick. And I'm not punishing you. I just don't think it's a responsible idea to send someone who's exhausted into a high-risk environment. Look, you're all sunburned as well… training for hours on end in the sun is just gonna burn you out–" 

"I know," she interrupts, taking a step forward, "I didn't even train that long! And I've fought while exhausted before. I work through exhaustion all the time!" She scratches at her hand, hard, to get the squeezing frustration out. 

"That's not a good thing," he says flatly. "I'm not arguing with you. Go take a nap." And he gets in the car and shuts the door. As much as Kasumi knocks on the window and tells him to wait, all he does is gesture for her to step back. And when she eventually does, expecting him to roll down the window and talk – he just drives off. 

She wobbles and topples over in the dust, biting back tears of frustration. At him, at herself, at her stupid body for giving out on her. 

Eventually she drags herself inside and takes a nap for a few hours, then promptly goes outside to train with the canister, swearing to herself that she won't waste any time - only to find that it's empty. 

Well, he did say she could always ask him if she needed a refill. 

Despite the sun giving her a headache, she drags herself all the way across the dorm building to Kokichi's dorm room without incident. The trek down the hall feels endlessly long and slow. But eventually she does make it to the door to Kokichi's room, and… 

Whoa. That is a lot of stuff. 

Kokichi's dorm room is more of a workshop. Fair enough, really, since he doesn't sleep in his room, but still. There's a workbench - no, two - covered in tools and scrap, a charging stand with Satoshi hanging limply off of it, and every wall is covered in shelves. There are bins everywhere, minifigures too - she recognizes Eva 02 and the big metal dude from Fullmetal Alchemist among them. There are blueprints scattered across the walls, peeling to reveal sticky tack underneath. But most of all, next to the biggest workbench crouches a model of Mechamaru's black mech from Destiny Tracers. It must be at least 30 centimetres long, and lovingly crafted, down to the intricate detail of the joints and exhaust vents. Kasumi can tell at a glance from the workmanship that Kokichi made it custom. 

"Nerd," she whispers affectionately into the silent workshop, and advances. 

Well, aside from how cool it looks, his workshop is a mess. There must be a method to the madness, she figures. If she can find some sort of organizational system, maybe it'll lead her to the Simple Domain canisters? Maybe? 

She wades through the stacks of bins on the floor to the big workbench, where some weird pincher-looking things and screwdrivers and hot glue guns are lying on a tray to the side of a line of tiny piles of machinery. When she looks closer, she realizes they're not actually piles, they're robots on their own - little tiny robots, vaguely the shape and size of a mosquito. 

She remembers what Kokichi said about his sister's birthday party. A fly on the wall, or something like that. Hah. How literal. 

There are a few plastic bins under the workbench, as well, labelled a bit haphazardly in black Sharpie in Kokichi's jagged writing. She crouches down. Bug parts. Armour. Pneumatics. Circuitry. Behind armour , there's another one, shoved to the back. She pulls it to the front - it's heavy. 

Miwa Kasumi. 

Whoa. What?

She pulls the bin out, shuffles the rest of the floor stuff around to make herself a bit of space, cracks open the top. Her heart's beating a little too fast and she doesn't know why. 

There aren't very many things in it, the contents arranged in some sort of order at the bottom. There are two canisters labelled SD in Sharpie. A notebook thrown on top of them, just a flimsy green one, the kind you get at stationary stores for like 200 yen. Simple Domain, it says in pencil on the front. It's Kokichi's handwriting, alright. As usual, he pressed down so hard it made heavy dents in the paper. She smiles, opens it and flips through, and it's full of diagrams and equations. She reads a random page: 

V=(4/3)πr³ so UC=(4/3)πx³ let x=UC per metre let x=r(UC/m). Avg output ~25 UC/s decaying: UC≈3(√-x+90)-~2.5 (not accounting for loss, see last page). Drops off around 90s. ***CALCULATE DISPERSAL & MIN. DENSITY WHEN BRAIN WORKING. ***resonance freq. mod. sine wave???? Or am I stupid??? Ask panda 

There's also an extremely wobbly diagram of what looks like a Simple Domain and some sort of graph that curves down towards zero, which is labelled UC output dropoff. Just looking at the page makes Kasumi's head hurt, so she turns it, and turns it again, but it's more of the same, physics equations and diagrams and lots of maybe this could work if…? and arrows to different parts of the equations. 

The last page, though - the last page is strange. 

Self-Embodiment Of Perfection 

(Domain Exp.) 

• Instakill? Can be used or against the rules? 

• How many U(c)/m? Countermeasures? NSS?

• Will be used at all? Shi. might be a limiting factor in favour 

• Timing dependent - unknown variable 

Barring a few frustrated scribbles at the bottom and one fucker next to a crossed out equation, that's all it says. 

Self-embodiment of perfection, huh? "Domain Exp." It couldn't be Kokichi's, right? No. Even Todo doesn't have a Domain Expansion. Even Nanami. Only Gojo… only… no… "countermeasures." What on Earth? 

 She shuts the book with the sense that she's seen something she very much was not supposed to see and moves on to the next item. There are only two left - an envelope and a small black box. The envelope just says Kasumi on it, and it isn't even sealed. Inside she can see text, neatly typed and printed. She peeks inside. 

Dear Kasumi, 

I don't really know what to say so I guess I'll just get to the point. If you're reading this, I am dead. First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry. I've asked Utahime to

She snaps it shut and tosses it back into the bin as if it burns to the touch. 

It's a normal thing to do, she tells herself quickly. It's perfectly responsible to write letters in case you die - Kasumi's done it too, once, before the Night Parade - and it's fine. It's really her own fault for snooping. 

Still, that doesn't stop her from opening the black box, cringing back as if the contents will hurt her.

It's a charm bracelet, with a tiny silver heart hanging off it. 

She puts the cover back on immediately and pretends she never saw it, nabs a Simple Domain canister and puts the empty one back. She grabs a sticky note off his desk and scribbles, took your canister while you were away - sorry! :P - Kasumi. Then she sticks it on the top of the bin. After all, she's not that dishonest… or, well, she doesn't want to be. She replaces the lid, replaces the bin under his desk, rearranges the bins back into place as best she can, and scurries away, looking around furtively for any potential witnesses and finding none. 

When she heads back to her room and tests out the new canister on a Simple Domain, she barely even registers the pain anymore. It just fades into the baseline. She does, however, catch a glimpse of her bare wrist, and has to stop to wiggle her fingers in embarrassed glee before she can even think about getting anything else done. 

Chapter Text

Class starts up again the next week. While the workload's next to nothing (for now), Kasumi's still a little miffed at Utahime for not sending her the advance work. Kamo, as always, is complaining about the low level of English being taught at the school, mentioning something about university. It's a little mean, but Kasumi almost laughs at him. Like, what was he expecting? Most of them probably won't even go to university. Well, Kasumi probably wouldn't have either way. 

Along with the return of the other students comes shopping with Mai and Momo. Gosh, she missed it while she was away. She goes literally twice the first week she's back, not buying anything, just to hang out. Mai even seems a little chilled out now that she's well-rested. Hopefully it'll last into the semester. Still, she always gets a little annoyed whenever Kasumi brings up Kokichi. Somehow he comes up in every conversation - something about the work he's doing, or what he thinks of such-and-such. It's getting a little embarrassing.

Kokichi himself is a different story. Kasumi doesn't see him all that much anymore. Well, that's not quite true. She sees him every day, it's just that she's so used to pretty much living in the same space as him and talking to each other all the time that now talking a few times a day feels distant. Especially when he seems to be on her mind at random times lately, and that charm bracelet… 

Well, she misses him, is all, and when she does see him she seems to be overcome by this strange new shyness that really has no business in their friendship. It doesn't help that he's busy on missions again. Missions which he refuses to let Kasumi go on, on the basis of her "looking too worn out."

Well, whatever, she figures. Chin up. She'll get over the weird fatigue in a week or two, it's just the flu. Maybe it's stress. She's getting a weird rash too, though, and it's making her skin all weird and purplish and dry. It itches and hurts like crazy, so she just smacks a Band-Aid over it everywhere it pops up and calls it a day. 

The most important thing is that she gets in shape in order to go on missions. So that's what she does. Every day, even if she doesn't feel like it, she goes and trains her Simple Domain, katas and cursed energy. Her energy's even increasing again, a huge bonus! She eats well (though she's not hungry), sleeps well (though she never feels rested), and goes out with Momo and Mai (which isn't actually all that fun because of how crappy she feels). 

So it's about a week of that before Kokichi finally gives in to her pestering him for a mission and texts her, Are you up to fighting this week.

Heck yes! she replies. When? 

I'm sorting out my lineup for next week right now, he says. I have dibs it's up to you. 

She thinks for a second. Whatever pays the most :3 

Is semi second grade ok.

Sounds great!!!! 

Ok. A pause. Booked for tomorrow morning. 

See you then!!! <3 

Ok see you. 

She can't bring the Simple Domain canister. It's just too big to carry around, and not reliable at all. So the next morning she trudges empty-handed into the car, where Kokichi's already waiting. She yawns as she closes the door behind her and the car starts.

"Hey," she says, trying to seem perky over the jittering in her stomach. "How's it going?" 

"Not bad, actually," he says. "I'm excited to fight with you again. It never seems dull." 

"Yeah, me too! Thanks for letting me come with!" She doesn't have to fake the excitement, nor the flattered delight. "Sooo, um, where are we headed? 

"This one's not bad," he says. "An abandoned electrical substation. They apparently had a worker die there, so it was shut down."

"Whoa. Creepy. What about the spirits?"

"The windows reported an infestation. That's more typical than what we saw at the mall. Bunch of little ape guys hanging out at the tops of the towers." 

"Ooh, cool! So… if you're allowed to blow up the towers then that'll be easy," she says. "Can't we fight them on the ground? If they're climbers they'll be at a disadvantage there." 

"We can! It should be easy. I just need you for backup and company, to be honest."

"Well," she says, "that works for me."

"Aren't you gonna ask me how much we're getting paid?" 

She turns to him, raising an eyebrow. 

"One hundred fifty thousand yen. Not bad, huh?"

She grins wide. "Not bad at all!" 

Though the robot face remains expressionless, she feels him smile back. 

"You know," she says, relaxing back into her seat, "it feels like we don't hang out as much as we used to."

"We could watch something together tonight," he suggests. "If you feel up to it. Spiderverse is out on streaming. I got training with Kamo until five… we could meet at six." 

She wiggles her toes. "That sounds great."

"Well," he says, "you know the drill. Wake me up when we get there."

"Mhm," she says, already turning her gaze out the window. But within a minute, she's also asleep. 

Kasumi wakes up to the sound of the car door opening. "You coming?" Kokichi asks.

"Huh? Oh. Mmhm." She nods and peels herself up out of her seat, heading out of the opposite side and stretching in the cool air. It's getting to be later in the summer now, she can feel it, smell a certain heaviness in the air. 

"I see you're picking up my habits," Kokichi says, his tone just the tiniest bit joking. 

"Oh, just the fun ones," she yawns. "Is this the place?"

"Sure is." 

Before them is a big electrical substation, pretty much an empty lot with a bunch of rickety, overgrown metal towers scattered around and a brick building on the east side. There's a chain link fence that runs around the edge of it, but it's full of so many holes that it could easily fit both of them through. Up on the poles, against the grey sky, little darknesses dance. If she focuses, Kasumi can hear the spirits screeching and laughing. It's a watery, inhuman sound.

Kokichi peers up at the spirits atop the towers, his cameras whirring as they zoom in. "Well, this doesn't look as good as I thought." 

"What do you mean? You can just blow them up, can't you?" 

"Yes, but I'll have to aim perfectly. And make sure those towers don't come down on us. I'm pretty sure they're not electrified, but better safe than sorry." He sighs and starts to roll his joints out, machinery clicking and whirring inside of him. "Why put a substation in the middle of nowhere anyway?"

"Maybe there was a town nearby," Kasumi suggests.

"Mm. Maybe." 

They move in, clambering carefully through a hole in the fence as the curtain comes down on top of them, a mottled darkness with no particular colour to it this time. 

Kasumi stays on guard, one hand on the hilt of her sword. Kokichi stays close to her, also prepared. The concrete beneath her feet is cracked and overgrown, and she does her best not to trip. 

"To the middle," Kokichi says. "Let's draw them out." 

"Mhm." 

They cross to the middle of the pavement, settle back-to-back into stance, and… wait. 

And wait, and wait, and wait. 

Kasumi's legs are starting to get tired, honestly. The little darknesses around the edge of the electrical towers don't seem very interested in them and she's gonna tire out her sword arm and/or her patience. She shivers. "Do you think they're gonna come out or do we have to go to them?"

"Hmm. Not a good sign," he says. "If they're bad enough to be ranked semi-second, but smart enough to not attack us…" 

"Yeah," she says. "I see what you mean. Plus, these guys don't look semi-second at all." She gestures to the little guys on the electrical towers. "Should we check inside the building, or…?"

"Okay, but stay on your guard." He starts to move towards the building. She follows him, glancing around suspiciously. The clouds are making the whole day look kinda dreary. Maybe tomorrow will be nicer. 

Eventually they reach the building. Kokichi tries the door, and it's locked.

"Huh," Kasumi says. 

"Cover your ears," he says. So she does, and he just rips it out of the frame and tosses it to the side with a screech of metal she can hear even through her hands. She winces and unplugs her ears, and they step inside. 

The building's been gutted, it looks like. There's residual energy curling up around a half-broken staircase that leads nowhere, but other than that there's not even a second floor, just a big empty building. There are no windows on the first floor, only the second. 

Kokichi looks up at the ceiling and around at the walls. "This was disappointing," he says. "I'll have to let the higher-ups know that the window for this area is unreliable. Shall we?" 

"Sure," Kasumi says, a little disappointed herself that she didn't get the opportunity to show off her improved fighting skills. She turns around to leave...

And immediately yelps, because spilling through the doorway is a group of about twenty or thirty cursed spirits. They look like… misshapen electric blue apes, she decides about 120 centimetres, with their teeth bared in inhuman grins and long, vicious claws sticking out of their knuckles and shoulders and… knees? Weird. The second she makes a noise, they all start shrieking with laughter. Kasumi stumbles back, her heart sinking. A trap? 

"What is it?" But Kokichi's already turning, having heard her yelp and the laughter. He exhales when he sees the crowd of them. "Alright, that's… new. Hold on, I'll–" But there's a shriek of laughter and an ape leaps forward, and he can't raise his arm and fire because Kasumi's in the way, so all he can do is try and bat it down out of the air and crush its skull. The second he makes contact with it, though, there's a loud crackle and a flash of light and he cries out, "Mother fucker!" The speaker turns it into a harsh crackle of noise.

Kasumi's stomach drops even further. "Are you okay?!" She rushes for him, but–

"Fine! I'm fine!" he calls out, crushing the thing's neck with some difficulty. It disintegrates in his hands. "Be careful of the rest, don't let them touch you!" 

As if on cue, the rest of the monkeys lunge, shrieking in discordant glee. It's all Kasumi can do to draw up a Simple Domain and pray. Her sword glances off their hides unless she gets a direct strike, which makes it all but useless - all she can do is keep them away.

"I'm coming in, don't hit me," Kokichi grits out, and then she feels his cursed energy hit the Simple Domain barrier behind her. Luckily, she's already desensitized herself to him - her Simple Domain lets him through automatically, and he slides into place beside her, still crackling with energy.

"What was that?!" Kasumi asks, already out of breath as she slashes desperately to keep them at bay. One of them just barely grazes her leg, but no electricity at least. "Did that thing just electrocute you? Are you okay?!" 

"I don't think it electrocuted me. You'd be electrocuted already if it really had that much electricity. I think it's a technique of some kind, it just zapped a very localized area, even past the insulation. Feels weird but I think I'll be fine." His speaker fuzzes out for a second and comes back, lower quality this time. "Electricity. How thematic."

She laughs. "Oh. So… just blow them up?" 

"Gimme a second." He fuzzes out again. "Shit. Took out the release mechanisms." 

"Aren't those triple redundant?"

"No, that's the coolant." Some muffled swearing. "Yep. If I fire it's going to blow up." 

"What?! Should we be this close right now?" 

"It won't matter if my tanks aren't full. I'm gonna offload as much energy as I can and fight hand-to-hand." He hisses. "I'm leaving the Domain."

"No! You'll get destroyed and then I'll really be in trouble."

"Well, I can't dump all this cursed energy into your Simple Domain–"

"Yes you can! Try it! I've been practicing for this for weeks!" 

"What if you pass out or something? Then we're fucked!" 

"Then you just grab me and run. Come on, it'll be fine," she assures him, panting. "Just trust me." 

"Kasumi, no," he says, but he cuts himself off as a monkey swipes at him, tagging his chest with another crackling flash before Kasumi chops off its hand. 

"Come on, hurry!" She yelps as one gets uncomfortably close. 

He groans. "Fine! Don't die!" He pulls open a panel on one arm, and then the other. Something clicks.

For a moment, Kasumi’s mind goes utterly blank with pain.

As her Simple Domain balloons to envelop the entire building and Kokichi's energy just keeps coming, as she tries her best to hold the edges in her mind, she thinks she understands how he could envelop all of Japan in energy. But she doesn't think about that for too long, because, bolstered by the surging boiling current of energy pulsing through her, her own adrenaline, and Kokichi's startled breaths, she lunges. 

The monkeys are already weak with surprise, overwhelmed by the sheer power of their combined energy. Even as the Simple Domain bursts and it all flows back into them, twin currents pulling apart, she hacks and slashes at them, decimating one, two, three, four, grasping slimy paws chopped apart like butchered meat under her blade, flashing silver through air as thick as honey. They try to attack her, but they never had a chance. Blazing with power, she obliterates every last one of them. 

And then it's done. Beneath the Band-Aids, her rashes pulse with buzzing, prickling pain. Kokichi's energy boils beneath her skin. Her tongue is thick and rough. She tries to turn to Kokichi, but her vision is swallowed by static, and the world tilts crazily around her and her stomach tilts with it. She tries to breathe, really, but she doesn't even remember falling, just the sensation of hitting the floor, and then 

“-Oh, fucking hell-” 

She coughs and spits, shoving away the cold metal hand at her neck. She tries to turn over, but her whole body aches too much to move. She groans and falls back down onto hard concrete. She's lying on her side - in the recovery position, with her hand under her head. Kokichi must have done that. Her mouth feels like cotton and tastes like death. Her skin pulses with pins and needles. 

Above her, a rush of bassy static as Kokichi exhales into his mic. “You with me? Kasumi?”

She tries to say something, but it comes out all slurred, and all she can see when she opens her eyes is a blurry mess of grey and brown. Kokichi’s voice sounds far off. She tries to push herself upright - fails, her trembling arms giving out on her. 

Kokichi catches her before she can hit the floor, eases her upright. “Hey, whoa. Shit. Um. Fuck. Can you say something? Let me know you can understand me. Where are you right now? What, uh, what month is it?"  

"I didn't… hit my head. Chill,” she mumbles. "Just tired myself out… I guess." The boiling sensation has receded into a deep ache. She takes a deep, shuddery breath - and gags at the smell and taste of vomit. “Ugh, was that me?”

“What?”

“Never mind.” It’s embarrassing enough as it is that she passed out like that and can’t sit up on her own. If she had to discuss her own vomit with Kokichi she’d probably die on the spot. "Are all the… curses gone?"

He pauses, as if to say something more, but he just sighs. "Yeah."

She smiles dimly. "Cool."

"No. That was horrible and- and dangerous, and you could have been hurt more than you already are." He makes a noise of frustration. "Whatever. Are you dizzy? Can you move?"

"I dunno, I… I feel a little better, I guess? I think I'm just sick." 

"Okay." He takes a breath. "Okay. Okay… we're going back to Jujutsu High to rest. Utahime will want to take a look at you. Please try not to pass out again." 

Kasumi just nods, too exhausted to argue. 

Kokichi’s arms poke into her stomach. Kasumi’s eyes crack open and the world resolves into the interior of a car and the pulsing pain in every patch of rash on her body. She groans. The seatbelt clicks loose. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Mmh,” she says, and pushes herself up in her seat, closing her eyes and waiting for the dizziness to subside. “S’fine.” She opens her eyes and looks over at Kokichi, still a little blurry. 

“Still.” He props open the car door and offers her a hand. “Need help getting inside? I can go with you to see Utahime - she’s pretty far. Training Ground 2.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks.” She heaves herself out of her seat with a sigh. “Are you sure I have to go see her?”

He cocks his head at her, and she can feel his amused smirk. “You’ll get to take a nap afterwards.” 

“Fine, fine…” She rubs her eyes and yawns, balancing herself on the car door as she gets up. “I’ll text you tonight or something. Still okay for Spiderverse?"

“Mhm. See you later.” 

Still bleary, Kasumi shuffles away, trying to stay out of the sun since it makes her skin sting. Man, that's one heck of a sunburn. 

When she reaches Training Ground 2, Nitta and Utahime are already there. Nitta's running drills, but when Kasumi arrives, Utahime holds up a hand for him to stop. "Oh, Miwa, good. I hear there was an incident."

Kasumi reddens. "You could… say that." 

"Hi… Miwa," Nitta pants, stopping to lean on his knees. She waves at him.

"Alright, come over here. Mechamaru already filled me in, I just need to check for injuries. Or any abnormalities." 

"He already did," Kasumi yawns.

"I know. It's just protocol since you were unconscious, so it's this or the medbay. Over here, please." 

Kasumi shuffles over to her, wincing as she's forced to pass through a patch of direct sunlight. 

"Right," Utahime says, checking her phone and turning an absent-minded gaze to Kasumi. "Anything bleeding?"

"Just some scratches." Kasumi holds out her arm and shows Utahime some of the already-scabbed scratches from when she fell. "And a rash from some flu I caught."

"Mhm," Utahime says. "Can I take those Band-Aids off?"

"Sure, it's just for the rash."

"Of course. Any broken bones? Hits on the head?" 

"Nope."

"Good, good…" Utahime takes her hand and turns it over, rolling up the sleeve. The pressure and warmth of her skin irritates the pins and needles. After a moment, she starts to peel off a Band-Aid. "I think you're fine, just… don't…" 

But her voice trails off and she's left blinking at the rash on Kasumi's wrist. 

"What is it?" Kasumi asks. 

"Is this the rash you mentioned?" Her voice is unreadable. 

"Uh, yep. There are more." 

Utahime frowns at it, then up at Nitta. "Nitta, I'm going to go with Miwa for a while. Please continue to train on your own."

"Oh, um, sure…"

"Great. Come with me, please," Utahime says, beckoning Kasumi inside the staff building beside them. 

"But I'm not allowed in there, it's a staff building," she protests, an inexplicable dread growing in her stomach. 

"Now, Miwa." 

So she steps inside. "Can I have that Band-Aid back?"

Utahime doesn't answer.

Oooookay then. 

Utahime leads her inside, looking almost distracted as she sits Kasumi down on the couch, which makes her discover a new patch on her thigh as it protests the pressure of sitting on it. It's a nice room - looks like the meeting room from the Tokyo location, with a plush couch and a nice carpet and table. As far as she can tell, anyway. There are swimming patches of staticky grey in her vision that come in and out. Kasumi kneads the cushion, feeling the pressure make the pins and needles worse.

Utahime closes the door, sits down and picks up her hand again, squinting at it in the dim light. "So this is the rash? When did it start?"

"Hmm, well it appeared and started growing a few days ago, but my skin's been all weird since, like, halfway through the vacation."

"Can you please describe your symptoms to me?" Her voice is very carefully calm. 

"For what, the skin thing or just being sick?" 

"Both."

"Sure…" Kasumi says. "I mean, it's just like the flu."

"What does that mean? Give me specific symptoms, please."

"Okay, well, uh, I've been getting sunburns really easily, and, like, feeling really tired and achy no matter how much I sleep. 'Specially in my joints. And losing my appetite, I guess. I kinda figured it was just a cold." 

"Does the sun irritate these rashes?" 

"Yeah, it burns."

"Do they feel extra sensitive to pressure and temperature? Pins and needles? Gets worse with stress?" 

"Yeah…" Kasumi frowns, an uncomfortable squirming starting to grow in her stomach. "How'd you know?"

"Tell me about the fatigue." 

"I dunno, it's just like… I'm tired? I wanna sleep a lot but it doesn't help. My muscles ache and my arms and legs and head feel heavy. 'Specially my legs." 

"Is one arm more tired than the other?"

"I guess my right arm is more tired, if I had to choose."

"Headaches?"

"Yeah." 

"How about your eyes, any irritation?" 

"Uh, no, except light hurts sometimes." 

Utahime stays still for a moment, squinting at the patch. "Could I see your cursed energy for a second?"

"What? Sure, do you think it has something to do with that?"

"Please just show me, Miwa." Her tone is getting a little urgent. 

"...Sure." Kasumi swallows and channels cursed energy into her hand, which makes the stinging so much worse but whatever. 

Utahime exhales sharply, some ghost of a repressed expression crossing her face. "Alright," she says. "That's enough."

Kasumi stops. "So, um," she says. "Can I go?"

"Not yet," Utahime says. 

"Well, why not? What is it?"

Utahime takes a long breath. "May I take a picture of one of these rashes? Just for diagnostic and treatment purposes. Nobody but Shoko Ieiri will see them." 

"Oh, sure, yeah, I don't mind…" 

She pulls out her phone and snaps a few photos. "Okay, I'm going to have to check something. Is there anything you need from your room while you wait?" 

"Um, I can get it myself–"

"No. Do not leave this room." Utahime's voice is so firm that Kasumi doesn't dare ask why. "I'll get whatever you need for you."

"I guess… I mean, I have my phone here. But a charger would be nice." 

"Okay. I'll be back. Don't move." Utahime leaves. On her way out, Kasumi hears her say, "Nitta, please clear out for today." Nitta responds with something she doesn't hear. Utahime says, "Thank you," and as she walks off, she's calling someone on the phone. And then both of them are gone, and Kasumi is alone.

She twiddles her toes, takes out her phone and checks her messages, but the screen is giving her a headache and nobody's texted her. She puts the phone down, trying to ignore how her stomach turns, and lies sideways on the couch. She closes her eyes and tries to sleep again, but it's no good. Even as she drifts away, her rest is light and feverish, and her eyes spring open again. She stares at the ceiling. 

It's… probably nothing. Right? It has to be nothing. After all, if it was really that bad Utahime would be calling the hospital. But then, she looked so worried… if Kasumi gets sick, what's Mom gonna think? Is she still gonna be able to get money for the family? Gosh, how disappointing would it be to start earning money for the family and then stop right after, just like that? If she's too sick to fight anymore then she's thrown away her whole high school career for nothing. Not that she could pay for uni anyway, this was kind of her last chance. 

Oh, God, what if it's cancer? 

But no, no, Kasumi knows better than that. Cancer doesn't make your skin thinner, right? And besides, thinking about what awful diseases it could be is just asking to be anxious enough to throw up again. Not today, Satan! She hops back on her phone and checks her texts and email again. Still nothing. She reads through the groupchat, but it's just Momo sending Mai pictures of handbags. 

This is a really boring room. 

No, it's just a rash and flu. Utahime's just probably worried about cursed stuff, that's all. Or she has better things to do. She'd tell Kasumi if it was something really awful. Wouldn't she? But then why is Kasumi not allowed to leave? 

Footsteps beside the door. She bolts up, but they pass. Not Utahime, then. 

She's itchy. Utahime should let her have a shower at least since she's all bloody and dirty. And her skin hurts. Especially where it's pressing into the couch. She closes her eyes, but her head still hurts. She downloads Tetris on her phone and plays it a little bit, but it gets boring after a while and damn her head hurts. It really, really hurts. And so does her skin, and she feels sick, and–

Alright, alright, stay calm, Kasumi. It's the boredom, that's all. She's anxious because she's bored. She just wishes she knew what was going on. She wishes she had someone to talk to. She vaguely considers calling Kokichi, but she doesn't. She fires off a text to Hiroki - Hey, thinking of you!! How's school? But he doesn't respond.

If she gets sent home from being sick will Mom make her babysit Kenji and Hiroki still? But they wouldn't send her home, right? Oh gosh, what if they don't send her home? What if she's really really sick and they don't let her stay at home? Then again, she wouldn't really want to be anywhere while really sick now that she thinks of it. School and home are both too stressful. She'd rather just not be sick, or stay someplace where there's no expectations on her and nobody to bother her. But it's not like she has a choice. 

Finally, one hour and forty minutes after Utahime left, two sets of footsteps approach, along with two different voices - Utahime, and another voice that Kasumi recognizes as Ieiri from the Tokyo location. Wow, Utahime really pulled out all the stops, huh? That's… kinda worrying. 

"...Thanks for coming on such short notice," Utahime is saying. "Over here."

"Mhm," Ieiri says. "Sounds like a pretty fucked-up situation."

"Well, I'm hoping you can tell me otherwise," Utahime says. The footsteps stop in front of the door and finally, finally, the door rattles open. Sure enough, it's Ieiri and Utahime, standing there in the way-too-bright light looking at her. Utahime looks frazzled.

"She looks fine," Ieiri says shortly.

"Yeah," Utahime sighs. 

"It's been ages!" Kasumi exclaims, sitting up and shoving off her jacket, and not really caring how the fresh air sets her skin tingling again. "You said you'd bring my charger!" 

"Did I? Shoot. Sorry. I'll go get it. Do whatever Shoko says, okay?" Without waiting for a response, Utahime turns and paces out of the room.

Ieiri comes in and closes the door behind her, setting down her bag beside the couch. "Alright, so, Miwa. Been presenting with some weird symptoms, I hear." 

"Yep!"

She gives Kasumi a weird look. "Right. Let's get this figured out." Ieiri sits down on the couch. "So, the symptoms Utahime said. Rash, sunburns, fatigue, aching in the joints, loss of appetite, photosensitivity, neuralgia–"

"What's neuralgia?"

"Nerve pain. Probably feels like pins and needles, or a sort of burning or scraping sensation. Is that all?"

"Throwing up," Kasumi adds, embarrassed. 

"Throwing up. Uh-huh." She nods, as if making a mental note. "Show me the rash."

"Okay. There are a bunch."

"Just one is fine." 

Kasumi lifts her arm and shows Ieiri the one on her wrist. Ieiri takes it in one hand and pulls it this way and that. 

Kasumi winces as the pain flares. "What are you doing?"

"Does it hurt when I do this?" She presses down on it, and it feels like pressing on the worst bruise ever. A bruise with pins and needles somehow. That also burns. 

Kasumi yelps. "Ow! Yes!" 

"Mmhm." Ieiri lets go. "Your cursed energy, please."

Kasumi pouts a little, but shows her cursed energy. Her irritated rash goes crazy. She does her best to ignore it. 

For the first time, an expression other than boredom shows on Ieiri's face - surprise, then deep confusion, then she looks almost disturbed. "Well, fuck," she whispers. "She was right." She looks up at Kasumi grimly. "Have you been exposed to Mechamaru's cursed energy a lot recently?"

"Um," Kasumi says, "yeah. He's been lending it to me to use. Why?"

"To use?" Ieiri pulls a notebook and pen seemingly out of nowhere, her gaze hardening. "What do you mean, to use?"

"To inject into my Simple Domain," Kasumi says. "You know, just to have more energy, um… stuff like that… you don't think that's what's making me sick, do you?"

"When did this start?"

"On vacation."

"How often? How much?"

"Uh, I don't know the measurements exactly?" Kasumi laughs nervously, scratching at the back of her hand. "But whenever I train so, um, a couple times a day. Maybe an eighth of one of those canisters every day." 

"Canisters? No, never mind that. Where are you putting it when you're done?" 

"I just reabsorb it… I guess?" 

"Riiight… right," Ieiri says slowly, eyes focusing back on Kasumi's hand, still steadily burning with cursed energy. "And what happened earlier today?"

"Um, I absorbed a lot of it all at once." Kasumi cuts off her cursed energy, a sinking feeling taking root in her gut. "I'm sorry to be rude, but what are you getting at? Do you know what's wrong with me?"

Ieiri's expression grows even wearier. "You mean Utahime didn't tell you?" 

"Tell me what?" 

"Oh, hell. No wonder you're being so-" She grits her teeth. "Okay. Alright. Fine. If you need it spelled out for you, at this point." She lays a hand on Kasumi's shoulder and takes a deep breath. "You're generating Mechamaru's cursed energy and displaying his symptoms," she says. “I don't know how, but you appear to have caught his Restriction.”

Chapter Text

"Aren't you going to tell Mechamaru?" 

Ieiri shrugs. The fingers of her left hand dance across her clipboard, making dull drumming noises. Her right hand scribbles furiously. The fluorescent glare of the sick bay lights highlights every stray frizzy hair on her head. Kasumi wonders if she conditions her hair regularly - focus. 

Kasumi stares at Ieiri. Her thighs itch. She squeezes the fat between her fingers and pretends it doesn't bother her - the itching, or the fat, or the fact that it's looking more and more like she's gonna have to be the one to tell Kokichi that he's technically contagious. "He has a right to know," she says compulsively. "And what about the other students? They-"

"You're a special case." Ieiri's fingers drum onto the clipboard with an absentminded finality. "We don't have to worry about general contagion." 

"But shouldn't we at least tell him not to share with anyone else?" 

Ieiri makes a little meh noise and shrugs again. 

That almost gets Kasumi out of her seat. "What?! But-" 

"You were making a lot of progress," Ieiri points out. "Sorcerers do need boosts like that these days - everything they can get." 

"But, the disease -" 

"But if it turns out to be easy to treat and cure, then it's not a problem." She casts an inscrutable look at Kasumi. Looks away. "We'll see how things progress."

Kasumi swallows and her willpower finally collapses. "Okay," she says quietly, and stares at her hands, neatly folded in her lap, one clean white bandage peeking out of her right sleeve. "Alright. Okay. What are we gonna do?" 

"Well," Ieiri says, and turns to type something on the computer, "your skin's responding to my reverse cursed energy, so that's a good sign. It's healing up right to normal, whereas Mechamaru's body doesn't really react the same way. Right now, the damage it's done physically is reversible."

"Physically?" 

"Metaphysically, your cursed energy is all out of whack. It's integrated Mechamaru's patterns and is copying them. That's what's causing the physical symptoms." She tugs at a lock of hair, chews on her chapped lip. "We can fix it," she says eventually. "Well, not necessarily fix it. We can definitely make it go away." 

Kasumi can't let herself be relieved. Not yet - not with that tone in Ieiri's voice. "Isn't it fixed if it goes away?" 

"Nah. Fixing it would mean your cursed energy goes back to normal, everything's fine and dandy. Making it go away means the nuclear option. We seal away your cursed energy. All of it. Even the stuff you use to fight." 

A cold shock in her stomach. Kasumi stands up taller, tries to ignore the sudden ringing in her ears. "What? I don't want that." 

"I know you don't want that." Did she just roll her eyes, or is Kasumi just imagining things? She's totally imagining things, right? "Right now, I can fix the damage it's doing to you physically, but after that stunt you pulled at the electrical station, it's progressing a lot faster. We're looking at a timeline in hours before it starts doing permanent damage." 

"Permanent?" 

"Yeah, permanent. Muscle weakness. Scarring. Pain. Stuff like that." She glances back at Kasumi again. "Hasn't the pain started yet?" 

It has. Shooting, to the beat of her heart, down her arms, an odd sharpish aching sensation - just below being real pain. For now. Kasumi nods meekly and rubs at her wrist, trying not to get too freaked out. "Hours?" she says, shocked at how quiet her own voice has become. "What are we gonna do?" 

"Well, I'm gonna get down to work and see if I can find a solution that isn't the nuclear option. You're gonna sit there quietly and not cause any trouble. And we'll see what shows up first, a cure or… let's say nine o'clock, to be safe. If things get that far, you'll just have to take that loss, unless you feel like getting sick. Sound fair?" 

Kasumi checks the time on her phone. The lock screen of Mom, Hiroki and Kenji stares up at her, and she doesn't end up reading the time. "I don't want to do that," she manages to say over the sound of her heart thumping. "Can't I get a little sick? I can still fight if I end up with a bit of scarring and weakness, but I really, really need my cursed energy." She has to try and keep her voice from cracking. "My family needs it." 

"You won't just get a little sick. Trust me, if we get down to the wire at nine, you'll be pretty sick already, and that's just what I can reverse. You're deteriorating at an alarming rate, frankly." 

Oh, Kasumi mouths, but she can't force her throat to make the sound. 

"Listen. Maybe we'll find a better way, maybe we won't. There isn't anything you can do about it now, so just sit tight and let me do my job and check with my people, that's my advice." 

"Okay." Her voice sounds alien, fragile. "Can I go now?" 

"Sure. Put on sunblock if you're gonna go in the sun for more than a few minutes, and stay on campus. Oh, and keep your phone charged and leave the ringer on." 

She can't even make herself say thank you. 

The outside wall of the sick bay catches her hair as she leans back against it, careful to keep her face out of the ray of sun streaming in from below the awning, closes her eyes and prays. She prays like she's never prayed before, fervently and with real hope -

God, if you're out there listening to me, please, please, please don't let this happen to me. My family needs me. I don't want to get kicked out of school. I don't want to get sick. Please don't let me be a burden to my mom anymore. And please give me the courage to get through today because I don't think I can do it alone. 

She's not sure if she feels better when she opens her eyes, but she swallows anyway - once, twice - and takes a deep breath, four in and four out like Utahime taught her as a first-year. 

It's like she blinks and she's in front of Kokichi's room, with her hand poised to knock. She stops, there, not daring to breathe.

You can do this. Three, two, one - she knocks. 

No answer. 

"Kokichi?" 

No answer. He's not in. 

He's not in! 

She almost crumples in despair. Wants to break down and cry. What she actually does is very neatly takes out her phone and dials his number. The phone rings only twice before he picks up. 

"Hey, Kasumi. What's up?" 

"Uh," she manages. "Could you - where are you?" 

"Training with Kamo. I'm, uh, kinda busy, actually. I thought I told you I was busy until six." 

Something about his voice is just so normal. Kasumi swallows tears again. "Um," she manages, and then words fail her. 

"Sorry. Don't mean to be rude. It's just - training with Kamo. You know how he is." 

"It's fine," she chokes out with a wet half-laugh. God, what is she saying? What is she doing? 

"Uh… sure. Is everything okay? Check-up go well?" His voice takes on a teasing tone. "Did Utahime find anything dire?" 

"Yeah," Kasumi says quietly, and her voice breaks, actually breaks, and oh God this is embarrassing and horrible and she should just hang up and - 

"Oh. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? What is it? I-" 

"Just-" Kasumi presses the heel of her hand into her eye and takes a deep, shuddering breath. "Just come to your dorm room, please. I can't do this over the phone." 

"Yeah. Of course. Right away." A dim noise. " Fuck. Yeah, I'll be right there. Hang tight. Kamo? I've gotta go-"

Dial tone. Kasumi collapses against the door and slides down, down, down to the ground. She puts her phone face down on the floorboards and closes her eyes and tries to pretend she isn't real. It doesn't work. 

Kokichi's footsteps sound hollow. Clank, clank, clank. "Kasumi?" 

"I'm here," she calls, eyes still closed. 

"What is it you wanted to tell me?" 

She looks up at him, finally. Same green eyes. Same expressionless face. It occurs to her that she's never seen him smile or frown. So why does she know what expression he's about to make? This news will destroy him. She wishes Ieiri had time to do it instead of her. But someone had to do the right thing. He has a right to know. Damn it, she wants a hug. 

"Kasumi?" His voice is small now. 

"I'm sick," Kasumi says. 

"I guessed that much. With what?" 

Three. Two. One - "With what you have." 

Utter silence in the hall. Kokichi stares at her, long and somehow hard. She doesn't look away. Can't look away, even as her lip trembles. 

When he speaks again his voice is hard and smooth. "Listen, I don't know what kind of weird prank or experiment this is, and I don't know who put you up to it, but whatever it is, it's not funny. And honestly, I thought better of you."

"It's not a joke. The - the canisters…" Her voice dies. 

He makes a noise that - she can't really tell what it is. If she had to guess: an involuntary moan of realization and utter dread. He clamps a hand over his mouth, as if his robot mouth was responsible for the noise. Kasumi just looks at him, like a frightened animal. 

"Are you sure?" he asks eventually. 

Kasumi nods. "Ieiri told me herself."

"Ieiri is here?" 

She nods. 

"Fuck," Kokichi says. Then, "Fuuuuuuck." He drags his hands across his face and groans, but the sound is tight and loaded, as if tears could burst from it at any moment. "And there's nothing - there's nothing anyone can do?" 

"Ieiri says she's working on it, but…" 

"Yeah," he says, with a grim laugh. "That's what she always says." A pause. "How did she diagnose it?"

"Looked at my cursed energy. My skin…"

"Your skin? Your skin looks fine." 

Kasumi wordlessly pulls her sleeve back to show him the rash. 

“Oh God,” he says in a small voice. He takes a deep breath. Shudders it in, shudders it out. And his breathing stays deep, but gets faster. "And - and - and it's not going to spread to anyone with contact with my CE, right? Not - Kamo and - Utahime and - and Yuki -"

"No. I don't think so, I think it was a - a Domain thing." 

"Okay. Okay. But you - you - you don't look bad. You look okay, you're even outside, you're walking. That's - that's fine, right? Maybe it's mild." 

"Ieiri says it'll get worse fast. Because of the electrical station."

He stays still for a moment. Kasumi hears him take deep, long breaths. One. Two. Three. 

"Okay," he says. "Okay. Okay. This - okay. Alright. Okay." 

"Are you okay?" 

"No. It's fine. We're just - it's fine. Okay. It's fine." He stutters for a second. "You - you need to get inside." He offers her a hand. "C'mere."

She takes it, and he hauls her to her feet effortlessly and pulls her into a long, tight hug. "Everything is going to be okay," he says. "I'm - I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Promise. Okay?”

Kasumi nods. 

"Good. Come on." He puts an arm around her waist, probably to support her walking, but it ends up more emotional support than anything. 

They go to her dorm room and Kokichi lays her down in bed, takes her temperature. He puts a glass of water with a straw in it on her bedside table. "Tell me if you need anything at all," he says quietly, and settles down beside her bed, kneeling and leaning against the mattress. "Are you in pain?" 

"Not really," Kasumi says. "It only stings a little." 

"Is your head okay? Your back? How is your stomach feeling?" 

"My head's fine. My back too. I guess I'm a little queasy, but…" She shrugs. "Like I said. It's not that bad right now."

"That's good," he says, and takes a deep breath. His voice is still wound up like a spring, some tension swimming barely below the surface. "Have they talked to you about treatment options yet?" 

"Um, yeah, yeah… Ieiri wants to go nuclear," Kasumi says. "If she can't find another solution… just take away all my cursed energy." 

"What? How would that solve anything?" 

"What do you mean? It would make the illness go away, wouldn't it?" 

His head snaps to the side to stare at her. "What? Is that what Ieiri said? That's not how it works for me." 

"Yeah. Something about… cursed energy cycles and… I don't know, I - I don't know." Kasumi closes her eyes. "Apparently she can definitely make it go away." 

"What? That's amazing! That's - wow. Holy shit. Okay. Why didn't you start with that?” His voice shakes with relief. “Holy God. Fuck! That's - fuck! Well, that's great! Why don't you just do that then?" 

"Because I'm not sure I want her to." 

He stares at her. She stares at him. 

"What?" 

"I said I might not want her to, 'cause - 'cause to do it she has to clear out all my cursed energy forever and I-"

"So do it! Are you crazy?!"

"You don't understand," she protests, taking her hand back. "I mean, my family, rent is up, without a Jujutsu High salary they'd have to move somewhere worse, and food, and Hiroki's school and Kenji's clothes, and it's not like I want to be sick but I have to fight so I don't become a burden-"

"If you don't want to become a burden then my sickness is the last thing you want to have, trust me. Take the cure."

"I can't!" 

"Listen, I get it, okay? It's frustrating. You have to make sacrifices. But one thing I've learned dealing with this shit for years is that when you have to make sacrifices for your health you make them, or they'll get made for you, and it'll be a lot worse when it comes around-"

"But I can't sacrifice my family. Maybe you'd rather just be healthy, but I can't afford to do that for myself, okay?! I'd rather be sick and fight than be healthy and have to work two jobs to pay not even half the rent!" 

"And I'm telling you, you don't know what you're saying. You think you've been sick before? You think you've felt crappy before? I'm here to tell you it's nothing compared to what this will do to you.” His voice is still shaking. “You won't be able to do anything by yourself, you'll feel like shit all the time, you will never be able to ignore how horrible everything feels. It will consume your whole life. I can't eat food, Kasumi, I can't even fucking sit up in bed! Do you know how many surgeries I've had?! And do you even know how people will treat you, like you're not even a real person, like you're insane or stupid, like your needs don't matter, like they can do anything to you because there's nothing you can do about it?! I can't let that happen to you!" 

"Yeah, but it's not up to you, is it?” 

He falls silent again, staring at her with those piercing green eyes. His face looks like a grimace of anger, now, and his breathing rings harsh through the speakers. She meets his gaze, defiant, her eyes prickling with unshed tears. 

"You know what?" he says. "If you're just gonna - I can't do this. I can't - no. This is just - no. No."

Fear is a cold spear in her heart. "Kokichi, wait."

"No. I'm sorry. I can't. Go get yourself sick if you fucking want to. Go crazy. I don't care. I can't watch you do that to yourself. Just - call me when you come to your senses." He gets up, turns around and hurries away, faster than Kasumi could hope to walk with her aching legs. 

She takes two deep, heaving breaths, feels her whole body shake and the lancing pains up and down her arms. She closes her eyes.  

The door to her dorm room slides open ten minutes later without even so much as a knock. Kasumi sits up so suddenly it makes her dizzy, slamming her phone down into the covers by instinct, but it's just Momo, holding a bag of chips. Mai is peeking out from behind her, as well, eyeing Kasumi up and down, and Kasumi knows that Mai knows, and she thinks of what Kokichi said. Like you're not even a real person. 

"Hey," Momo says. 

"Hey," Kasumi replies. "What is it?" 

"I saw Mechamaru down by the training grounds," Mai says. "He looked mad, dude. Really mad." 

"Yeah, and Kamo mentioned he ran off in a panic after getting a call from you," Momo says. "Did you two fight?" She squints. "Are you okay? You look really pale." 

Kasumi lifts a hand and looks at it. She is really pale, it's true. And when she lifts her hand it tremors and aches. "You should probably sit down," she says.

When she's finished telling them everything, Momo's eyes are saucer-wide and Mai has a look on her face as if she'd like to commit a felony. Or several. 

There's been a lot of awkward silence lately. 

Eventually, Momo just leans over and hugs Kasumi. She doesn't say anything. Just hugs her. Kasumi can't even bring herself to hug her back. 

"It's gonna be okay," Mai says. She's giving Kasumi a look that she can't quite make sense of. "Ieiri will figure something out, she's a good doctor.

"Yeah!" Momo pulls back, brightening. "I had a rash once and she fixed it for free along with my broken arm. It was a snap! She'll be able to fix you, too." 

"But my cursed energy," Kasumi says weakly. 

"She'll find a way," Mai says. "She's a good doctor." 

"Mhm! I'm sure you'll still be able to fight." 

"You really think so?" 

"Sure, I think so!" Momo beams at her. She smiles back hesitantly. "I mean, she wouldn't let that happen to you, right? She must know how important it is to you." 

"But what if - what if she can't? What then, like, what do I even do - ?"  

Momo socks her lightly in the arm. Ow . "Don't talk like that. You're gonna be fine." 

"Did you say it was Mechamaru's thing?" Mai says, leaning back in Kasumi's desk chair and spinning herself back and forth. 

"His disease, yeah." 

"So what's it like?" She spins herself faster. "Like, his disease, I mean." 

"What?" Kasumi blinks. "Why do you ask?"

"I'unno, just curious. He never talks about it, so." She shrugs. 

Kasumi opens her mouth - thinks of Mai bullying Kokichi out of a conversation - and closes it. She looks at Momo, but Momo just blinks at her, wide-eyed - also curious. 

"I dunno," Kasumi says, suddenly nauseous. She shuffles her legs around, but the crawling feeling doesn't go away. "Bad." 

"Bad? Like, just bad? Bad how?" 

"Like…" She opens her mouth again, closes it again. 

"It doesn't look that bad." 

"It's not, I don't have it as bad as he does, I… it's, like, painful, I guess… like, stabbing pains, and itchy, and kind of… dizzy…" But again, she catches herself and shakes her head. Big mistake - the room spins. "Listen, I don't know if I should be telling you this." 

"Why not?" 

Because it's none of your business. "I mean, I don't even really know what it's like. You should ask him if you wanna know." 

Mai laughs. "As if! Is it really that bad?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"Like, you know…" She leans in a bit more. "Is it really as bad as he always acts like it is, do you think?"

Kasumi nearly bites through her own tongue. She's about two seconds away from pretending she can barely speak from the pain just so she can say, jeez, I never knew Mechamaru was so strong! I can barely move, and he has it a hundred times worse and still goes to school! and spit in Mai's face for ever saying something so cruel but that's not what he would want either, but-

"Mai!" Momo finally, finally comes to the rescue. "You can't say that!" 

"No, that's not what I meant! I just mean - God, this is coming out all wrong, listen, I'm just asking, okay? I'm fucking trying to make conversation!" 

"That is not the conversation to make right now," Momo hisses. 

For a second Kasumi expects Mai to start an argument, but she just sighs. "Fine. I'm sorry." 

Momo clears her throat. "Anyway, you're gonna be good as new soon, okay? You won't have to deal with being sick for much longer. And your cursed energy will stay! Trust me, Ieiri is a good doctor. She'll find something."

Ieiri is a good doctor. What is it with these two? Kasumi squeezes her eyes shut and moves her legs around. "I'm gonna call my mom," she says. "Could you guys clear out?" 

"Of course. Good luck. C'mon, Mai." Momo pats her on the shoulder again, the door opens and closes, and then the room is quiet. 

Kasumi thumbs over Mom's phone number over and over and over again. She puts her phone down. Picks it back up. Lies on her back - sits up - lies down again. 

Mom picks up after four agonizing rings. "Hello?" 

"Hi, Mom. It's me." 

"Oh, Kasumi! I was just wondering when you were going to call! You've been so distant!" 

"Yeah… sorry." She clears her throat and prays she doesn't sound awkward. "How is everyone?" 

"We're doing very well, thanks to you." The smile in her voice is probably supposed to be encouraging. "Hiroki is signed up for that club he wanted! You know, um, that, uh… that club…" 

"Theatre club," Kasumi says.

"Yes, of course! And we're thinking of sending him to cram school, since we don't have to worry so much about rent and you know his grades are down."

"Yeah." 

"And I've been feeling a little under the weather, too. You know the stress of that job, I think it weighs on me. I just had the sorest back after coming home from yesterday's shift. I wished you were still around to make dinner and take care of Kenji, but I know you're working hard at school!"

"Mhm."

"So, anyway, I had to get that neighbour to take care of the kids - you know, the one with the teenager. And you know what Hiroki said? He said, 'Mom, I don't need a babysitter. I'm going to just go hang out with my friends.' Imagine! I can't imagine you saying that to me at his age." 

"Oh. Good for him."

"Hah, I don't think so. Homework needs to get done, you know, Kasumi. I hope you're not absorbing your brother's work ethic, eh?" 

"No, Mom."

"Are you working hard? Doing us proud?" 

"Yes, Mom." 

"Any excitement lately?"

"Not really. Just missions." 

"Well, you keep up the good work."

"I will. Mom, I'm sorry, I have to go." 

"Ooh, keeping busy! I'll talk to you in a few days, then. It was so nice hearing from you, lovely."

"Yeah. You too. Love you, Mom." 

She hangs up and rubs at her knuckles. At this point, she can barely even feel bad about it. She rubs the inside of her wrist, but the shooting pains don't go away, and the pressure just tingles and aches. The tips of her fingers are going numb, becoming clumsy and stiff - knuckles swelling up. She feels like she's gonna barf, stiff and yucky like she has the flu. Ieiri was right, it's moving fast. She could talk to Kokichi about this. He probably has lots of tips and tricks and he could tell her about what's happening to her. But she doesn't want to talk to him right now. Him and his condescending… 

She doesn't know how long she stays sitting there, floating in a blank space with half-digested thoughts floating through her mind. She feels a lot worse when a knock at the door wakes her. 

"Momo, I'm busy," she says. 

"Um, it's not Nishimiya," says the voice. "It's Nitta. Sorry." 

Nitta? Why? "Come in." 

The door swings open. Nitta's fidgeting with something wrapped in a cloth, and he bows nervously when he sees Kasumi still sitting rigid on the bed. "I'm sorry to bother you."

"No, it's okay. I could probably use the distraction." Kasumi checks the time. It's a little before six. Three hours until nine, and radio silence from Ieiri. "What is it? Did you need something?" 

"Oh, n - no, I just heard about what happened. I'm sorry if it's private but, uh, you know, I'm kind of Shoko's apprentice, so she told me… everything. And I saw Mechamaru down by the training grounds so I assumed he wasn't gonna be around to help, and Shoko is busy so I just thought… I'm sorry if that's too forward of me." 

"You thought what?" 

"I just thought, since I'd helped with Mechamaru before, maybe I could help you too. I mean, I know I wouldn't wanna be alone, and Shoko said she didn't tell you anything to help with the symptoms. And I might be able to stop the rash from growing, though historically my technique hasn’t really worked on Mechamaru. But if you want me to just go away…" 

"No. That's fine."

"Oh, okay." A hesitant smile. "Anyway, I brought you an ice pack. It'll help with the arthritis." 

"Arthritis?" 

"Yeah, I can see you have some there." He gestures at her fingers. "Your knuckles are all swollen. It must be painful." 

She flexes her fingers - or, tries to. Arthritis? Isn't that what old people get? "Not really. Just stiff." 

"Okay. This will help. Don't keep it on for more than twenty minutes. Oh, and, uh - I don't wanna freak you out, but you probably won't be able to walk pretty soon, so if you want to take a short walk or go to the bathroom, now's the time."

"...Okay. Sure."

He offers a hand and a polite smile. She takes it, and he helps her up - she tries to ignore the tiny jolt in her cursed energy that signals his technique activating. Together, they walk out of her dorm room - well, Nitta walks. Kasumi kind of shuffles. Her knees don't like her very much right now, and she's getting dizzy. 

He stays quiet on the way to the bathroom, but keeps pace with her, always just beside her, probably in case she trips and falls on her face. God, this is embarrassing. Nice of him, but embarrassing. 

"It's getting colder," Nitta says.

"Mm." Kasumi focuses on putting one foot in front of the other. She can't trust her instincts - has to look at the wall, just try not to fall over from the vertigo. 

"Fall's my favourite season," Nitta says. "I like how it's not too hot, but not too cold, and the leaves are pretty. I get kind of overheated in my school jacket during the summer. So I'm excited for October. Do you like Halloween?" 

She looks over at him, against her better instincts. It does make the dizziness worse, but - he's looking at her intently, his eyes bright. He looks young as ever, the same baby face that makes everyone in Kyoto try to take care of him on instinct. But there's a determination in those eyes, and with a gentle jolt, Kasumi realizes he knows exactly what he's doing. It's a kindness, isn't it? 

He cocks his head - prompting her to respond. 

"I - can't say I ever really celebrated Halloween." She trips and almost topples over. He catches her elbow and gently sets her to rights. "Thanks." 

"Don't mention it. You never dressed up?" 

"Not really. I was a princess one year in middle school, though."

"That sounds fun. I was a vampire three years in a row." 

"Why a vampire?" 

"Vampires are cool. Don't you think? Here's the bathroom." He holds the door for her. "Shout if you need help, or anything."

She'd rather die. "Thanks." 

Going to the bathroom is a bit of an ordeal with all the standing up and sitting down and standing up and more standing up. She never knew it needed that much dexterity to wash your hands, it's - it's embarrassing, is what it is, but she struggles through it without a peep. It is getting worse. She knows it's getting worse, but it keeps occurring to her, as she can't wash her hands without them shaking. 

She can't fight like this. She can't hold a sword like this. Ieiri was right. She can't stay sick. She can't fight again unless Ieiri finds a cure. 

Three hours, and radio silence…

Nitta smiles at her when she opens the door. "You wanna go down behind the school building for a minute? Good nature there. Good for walking. And there's a nice smooth path. Unless you're tired." 

"No, that sounds nice. Thank you." 

"Don't mention it. Anyway, I actually used to really love Halloween as a kid, it was my favourite holiday…" 

Nitta keeps babbling softly about nothing as they make their way down to the path. The stairs are a bit of a challenge - Kasumi has to basically hop down. Nitta's hand is warm as he helps her off the last step, but she can't help wishing it was Kokichi's metal hand instead, a hand too steady and strong to even bend under her weight. She wishes it was Kokichi going on in his slightly distorted, metallic voice about the machines he's building and electrical circuits she doesn't understand. She wishes it was Kokichi who had told her that an ice pack would help with her fingers. She hopes he's doing okay, all alone with this news, all alone and he must be devastated…

"You okay?" Nitta's voice half-blends with the sighing of the trees. The light is fading with the setting sun, and the forest is bathed in soft grey half-light. 

She shivers. "Just feel kinda sick," she mumbles. 

"Okay. Let's stop and rest." 

He finds her a log to sit on, and there they sit in silence, listening to the bushes rustle. Kasumi traces the patterns of bark up across tree trunks. In the middle distance, she can see the tree that she climbed to get on the roof of the dorm. 

"I like this place," Nitta says. "Do you come here often too?" 

"Not really. I hang out on the roof sometimes." 

"With Mai?" 

"Mechamaru." 

He nods. "You two seem close."

"We are. Were? Are. I don't know." She rubs her eyes, shuffles her legs. Her head hurts. Her arms hurt. "He got mad and stormed off 'cause I told him I didn't wanna give up my cursed energy to be cured." 

"Yeah, that sounds like him." 

"It does?" 

"Yeah, well, you know. He's a nice enough guy most of the time, but he has a temper and sometimes he can't understand other people's points of view." He shrugs and picks absentmindedly at his collar. "He's been sick for a long time, so it probably made him angry that you got what he always wanted and didn't even like it. But you don't have to cut him any slack. It sounds like he was pretty mean to you."  

"That's pretty wise, Nitta." 

He sits up straighter. "Is it?" The ghost of a nervous smile. "Well, I'm glad you think so. But I don't know. I just talked to him a few times, that's all." 

Kasumi can't help but smile at his sudden change in demeanour, even while rubbing her arms to try and help with the shooting pains. Maybe they are a little duller now that Nitta’s technique is starting to work. "Yeah. I think so." 

"Thanks." He looks at his hands. "Um, but yeah. Anyway, I thought, since Mai and Nishimiya weren't around, you might need a friend. So… here I am. But I already said that, didn't I?" 

"Yeah. But I really appreciate it. Mai and Momo tried to help and I guess I'm thankful, but…"

"They were weird about it?" 

"Yeah.” She brings her legs up to her chest and hugs them, feeling her own warmth against the cold night. “I'm just - sick of people telling me what to do and feel." 

"Oh. I'm sorry I told you to go for a walk."

"No, that's different." Kasumi rubs at her temples, shuffles her legs. “It’s just, like… when people tell me everything’s gonna be okay and stuff. I know they mean well, but it’s just…”

“It doesn’t make you feel better.”

“Yeah.”

“Because you know it might not be okay.” 

“Yeah, exactly. But I want to believe it will, because if it isn’t, like…” She runs a hand across her face. Fights the tightness growing in her chest and the prickling in her eyes. “Oh my God, my mom is gonna freak out if I can’t fight. I’m the freaking breadwinner of the whole house… we'll lose the apartment…” 

She’s not looking at Nitta, but she can practically feel the sympathetic face he’s making. “Yeah?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” she mumbles. “I’m just sick of people telling me it’s gonna be okay. I don’t think Momo understands what I’m gonna lose if I can’t fight.” 

“That’s… fair,” Nitta says. “Shoko is-”

“A good doctor. I know, that’s what Momo said too.”

“She is. But no matter how good the doctor, some problems are just what they are.” He nudges her shoulder, and she looks at him in time to see him hold up his hands in the fading light and give her a sad look. “I have a pretty good technique, you know, but I can’t fix damage that already happened and I can’t protect people. Sometimes, even if I get to someone in time, it just isn’t enough.” He pauses, swallows - “Not that you’re going to die. It’s just - you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Thank you.” 

“Sure.” He nods. “It’s gonna suck if you lose your cursed energy, but there’s still hope, right? Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. Even if it does, you’re gonna have to keep going.” 

“Yeah…” She shrugs and pushes hair out of her face, focuses on the depths of the forest now fuzzy in the failing blue-grey light. “That doesn’t make me feel all that much better.”

“Fair enough.”

“Should we head inside?”

“If you want to.”

By the time they reach her dorm room, she’s leaning fully on Nitta’s arm, panting and wobbling on weak, clumsy legs. With a certain amount of dull panic she knows this will probably be the last time she stands up until… well, until whatever happens happens. Nitta seems worried too, if more composed. He helps her to her bed and takes her shoes off for her, since she can’t bend her legs enough to reach her feet - humiliating, something in the back of her head whispers, but she tries to bury it in how nice he is about it and how not-weird he’s thankfully being. She’d still much, much rather it be Kokichi, even though she’s trying her best not to focus on that either. 

“You have my number, right? Call me if you need anything.” Nitta smiles warmly at her, and Kasumi tries not to cry. “Try to sleep. Is your ringer on?” 

Kasumi nods. “Thank you,” she says. Her voice comes out barely a whisper. 

“Sure.” And then he’s gone. 

She lies down and tries to sleep, but the shooting pains always flare just as she’s slipping away. 

Eventually she must have drifted off, because she wakes to the aggressive buzz of her phone ringing. She fumbles for it - nearly drops it (when did her arm stop being able to extend fully? What is wrong with her wrist? ) - can’t use her thumb to take the call so she taps the screen with her pointer, like an old lady. “Hello?”

“Hey, Miwa. It’s nine. You should get going over to the sick bay.” Ieiri’s drawl feels much too loud. 

“Yeah. Um, thanks. I -” She tries to push herself upright, but a wave of nausea and vertigo sends her lurching back down. Ow. It’s like she was in a chrysalis while she was asleep, except instead of turning into a butterfly her body was busy slowly calcifying into a nauseous, clumsy lump. Even her knuckles are aching like crazy. At least - she checks - at least her skin looks alright, although… that’s a lot of scratches. Is that a blister? Where did that come from? Is that why everything stings? 

“You what?” 

She tries to haul herself upright again and can’t. Her arms aren’t listening to her and she can’t feel her feet and she’s dizzy and sweating and she’s going to throw up and oh my God everything hurts. Her head is pounding bad. And this is just what’s reversible? Okay, she changed her mind about getting sick, get her out of this right now. “I, um, I wanna say I’ll be there right away but I - I can’t move.” Waves of nausea crash over her as she speaks, and it's hard to get the words out. She gags over the edge of the bed but nothing comes up.

“I’ll come get you. See you in five.” She hangs up. 

Kasumi drops her phone, leans back in bed and tries to straighten out her fingers. No luck. Nitta’s power must have worn off at some point or maybe never worked - her knuckles are cracked and dry, and the rest of her skin is turning a sickly bluish colour on top of this freaky burning feeling. Okay, officially what the Hell. And this is supposed to be the reversible version, for Heaven’s sake. Maybe Kokichi was right. But - oh, God, Mom, and Hiroki, and her life is over. She gags, actually gags at the thought of telling Mom that her powers are gone. She’s a useless daughter. She’s going to be a useless burden of a daughter just like she was before - oh, God, oh, God, this can’t be happening. She’s dreaming. This is a dream - a horrible nightmare. 

She barely hears Ieiri talking when she comes in, but she sure as Hell sees the wheelchair she brings with her. “No,” she says, cutting Ieiri off halfway through one indistinct sentence. “No way. I can walk by myself.” 

“You said you couldn’t move,” Ieiri says. “How else am I supposed to get you into the sick bay, a horse-drawn carriage? Or did you just make me wheel this all the way here for fun?” 

“I-” I will not be seen getting wheeled across campus by all of my friends like I’m - but she stops. Like what? Like some invalid? (Like Kokichi.) But it’s different, he’s just like that, it doesn’t make him lesser, but she’s not supposed to be like that, she’s not supposed to be like him, she’s strong and she can walk on her own and she doesn’t want Momo and Mai and Kamo and Todo to see her brought so low and oh, God, all of this is starting to sound very horrible of her again, but she can beat herself up for being a horrible friend all she wants and she still doesn’t want to sit in that thing. “I don’t want to.”

“And I want a million dollars and a house in Tahiti.” Ieiri nods her head pointedly at the wheelchair and holds out a hand. “C’mon. Time’s a-wastin’. It’s just the one ride, so let’s get it over with.” 

Kasumi just shakes her head. Bad decision - a wave of vertigo nearly knocks her flat again, and she swallows back the urge to heave. The back of her throat burns with bile, and her mouth tastes like vomit. It hurts to breathe. 

“What is it that’s bothering you? You don’t want your friends to see you?” Ieiri gives her a look. “You embarrassed?”

She swallows and stares at the ceiling, unwilling to turn her head away in case it triggers the vertigo again. 

“I heard you and Mechamaru are close. He uses a wheelchair. Do you think he should be embarrassed too?” 

“That’s different,” Kasumi mumbles half-heartedly.

Ieiri raises an eyebrow at her. 

The ride across campus is brief but chilly despite the blanket stolen from Kasumi’s bed. She mostly spends it trying not to pass out or throw up from sitting upright. The sun went down hours ago, but the sounds of training still ring across the mostly-deserted campus. Nitta wanders by and waves, and Kasumi manages to give him a smile and a stiff little wave back. The sickbay, likewise, is unoccupied except for Utahime who’s leaning against the wall in the corner looking worried. 

“Miwa?” Ieiri snaps her fingers in front of her face. 

Kasumi jolts, and swallows so she doesn’t throw up. “Yeah?”

“I’m gonna put you on the bed and explain the procedure." 

“Okay.” 

Ieiri’s movements are swift and efficient but by all accounts gentle - in only a moment Kasumi is in her arms and in another she finds herself resting on the cold plastic of the sick bay bed, her skin barely even stinging. Ieiri is still talking as she prepares her things - a brush, a pot of ink, glasses, cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol. Weird. 

“I’ve spoken to some of my contacts,” Ieiri says, “to refine the procedure. It’s going to be mostly the same as I told you this afternoon, with some slight alterations. I’m going to be pinpointing and sealing away key sites of cursed energy production with a seal. That’ll create a big seal over your whole body that will stop your cursed energy from being produced. You’ll basically become like Maki, except without the enhanced physicality. You’ll also lose the agility and strength that sorcerer-level cursed energy provides."

She opens the pot of ink. Inside, the surface glistens, smooth and black, roiling with cursed energy.

"The seal will be drawn in ink under your skin like a tattoo, but it will only appear when exposed to cursed energy. After the seal is done, I’ll heal you up and you should be good as new. If anything goes wrong, we have a window of a few days to undo it and retry, though honestly it'll be pretty harmless even if it fails - it's just ink. There's a very slight possibility of infection. Do you consent to that?”

“What will you do if I say no?”

Ieiri gives her a weird look, and Kasumi regrets asking. “Well, I thought it was just a formality, but if you refuse we’d have to start looking at care options for your illness.”

“What would that look like?”

“Assistive technology. Accommodations. Pain medication. Finding a place for you to live that doesn’t involve sunlight. I don’t know if you could get the higher-ups to agree to pay your expenses, though. You inherited Mechamaru’s illness, not his skills.” Ouch. “Why, is that something you’re considering?”

Kasumi takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “No,” she says. Her voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. “I was just wondering. You can go ahead. And thank you for trying.” 

“Sure. Out now, Utahime.”

“Take good care of her, Shoko.” Utahime’s voice has a slight but unmistakable thickness to it. 

“That is what they pay me for.” 

Utahime’s footsteps leave. Kasumi opens her eyes as if into a new world. Ieiri is bent over her tray of instruments. She puts the glasses on and douses a cotton swab in alcohol. “I need to disinfect the sealing sites,” Ieiri says. “It’s going to hurt, but then the worst will be over.”

“Okay.” 

“If it gets too painful, let me know, and we can try something else.”

“Okay.” 

“May I take off your shirt? The central seal will be over your heart.” 

“Yeah.”

Ieiri’s as good at stripping a patient as she is at transferring them to bed, and she does it with the same impossibly harmless efficiency. Kasumi’s whole body is tinged a weird, sickly colour, bright red at the seams of her clothing. Had it been chafing? She hadn’t noticed over all the itching and burning. She wants to scratch but it’s too much trouble since she can’t move her arms properly. And it would probably make it worse. Gosh, her arms hurt. The stabbing pains have been joined by an uncomfortable bone-deep ache, like she held an ice cube for too long. 

“If it helps,” Ieiri says, “I’m doing an experimental seal that will let - well - think of it like this, your 'cursed energy DNA' will continue to shift with time. It’s possible, someday, as long as that seal stays on and you don’t ever pull anything like the electrical station stunt again, you might fight again.”

“How long will that take?”

“I don’t know. Maybe never. Like I said, maybe is the best I can do for you.” The alcohol swab touches down over Kasumi’s heart without warning. It burns, like she’s seven again and Mom is putting rubbing alcohol on a skinned knee, only instead of just her knee now her whole body is skinned right down to the bone. Kasumi hisses - in shock more than anything. “I know,” Ieiri is saying, in an uninterested sort of way. “Steady. Don’t move.” 

“Uh-huh.” And the tears spring up and she bites them back. She will not cry. She will not cry. 

She doesn’t end up crying. Not when Ieiri covers what feels like every joint in rubbing alcohol and leaves her half naked in the freezing sickbay with the lights giving her a pounding, nauseous headache. Not when Ieiri takes ages covering her in intricate little drawings that she references off email files on her computer. Not even when Ieiri puts a hand on her head and every tiny line of the seal cuts into her skin at once, a web of white-hot needles gouging at her voraciously, on and on and on, back-lit by the disinterested drone of Ieiri’s voice, steady, steady, don’t move or I’ll have to to do it all again. 

Okay, maybe she cried a little during the last bit. But she was very quiet. 

When Ieiri’s finished with her she can’t stop shaking. Not because of the illness. She feels fine - the feeling of Ieiri’s cursed energy, acrid flowers in her gut, washing through her, left her clean. She is no longer nauseous or in pain. But she opens her eyes to a whole different world all over again every time she closes them. 

Ieiri pats her on the shoulder and gives her a rare smile. It’s not very warm, though. “Good job,” she says. “Like I said earlier, this seal isn't unbreakable. If you try to summon your cursed energy, it'll come, so don't, because if the seal breaks it'll overwhelm the remaining… well, it's complicated. The long and the short of it is, you'll blow your slim chances of fighting again and need to be resealed. So no training, no meditating on your cursed energy, and absolutely no energy sharing. I don't care if you feel fine after a few weeks. You will feel better because it is sealed away, and if the seal breaks, you will get sick again, and your cursed energy will be gone for good. Understand?" 

"Mhm." 

"Repeat back to me what I just said." 

Kasumi does. 

"Good. Go rest, you’re exempt from school for the next few days. But first, I think there’s someone outside who wants to talk to you.” 

Kasumi’s first foolish thought is Nitta? But she’s half dazed so she just nods, thanks Ieiri and leaves on her own two normal-coloured blister-free feet. She feels lighter and colder than normal. Is it because her cursed energy is gone? 

The door swings shut. It’s dark outside, and the glowy lights from the buildings feel very dim. Kasumi shivers. 

“Kasumi.”

She yelps and whirls around, hand going instinctively to a sword that isn’t there. But it’s just Kokichi, leaning against the wall of the sickbay with the evening lights reflecting off his head. He looks kind of banged up, all scratched and stuff. Maybe he always has. He blends in oddly with the background, like he’s not a real person, but Kasumi doesn’t feel like a real person either. No cursed energy, she recognizes dimly. She’s so used to seeing everyone in a gentle cloak of cursed energy that now everything reads like an inanimate object. Which is why, even though she’s looking right at him, it’s startling when Kokichi moves. 

“My bad,” he says. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It - it’s okay.” 

“I’m sorry for storming off earlier too. I shouldn’t have gotten freaked out like that. You probably could have used some company.” 

“Yeah. Nitta came over, though, so I wasn’t all alone.” 

“Oh. That’s good.” 

She squints to try and make out his edges in the darkness. No luck. He’s a shift of dim fabric and a handful of reflected streaks of light. And his eyes, of course. Glowing. Green. 

She hugs him. 

He’s all hard cold metal that digs into her arms and belly, still tender from the seal. He wraps his arms around her and hugs her back tight, and she wonders how much fine control it takes not to just snap every human being he touches in half with those robot arms. And then she’s crying. Just a little bit, and quietly, but crying all the same. It's like she can still feel the seal biting into her skin. 

“God, I’m sorry,” she sniffles, pulling back to wipe her nose before she can get snot on his uniform. “I don’t even know what to say.” 

“It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot today. I’ll walk you back.” 

Even more embarrassingly, she can’t stop crying so she just keeps on leaking even as she nods. “Uh-huh.” 

“You need me to carry anything?” 

“Nuh-uh.” She has half a mind to apologise to him for being weird about needing a wheelchair, but he wasn’t even there for that. And everyone is having to take care of her tonight. So freaking embarrassing. Pull yourself together, Kasumi. She has to apologize for the wheelchair thing at least, or it’ll eat her alive. “Um, and I’m sorry too.”

“Thanks.” 

She blinks - not the response she was expecting. “You don’t even know what I was apologizing for.” 

“I assumed it was for earlier.”

“It - it wasn’t. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being so weird about being sick.” She wipes her nose on her sleeve. Gross. She doesn’t care. 

He cocks his head at her. 

“I mean, I just - I got embarrassed about not being able to get around by myself and I got kinda freaked out when I couldn’t move my hands right and I tried to refuse a wheelchair and… that’s not fair to you, I guess. It was kind of gross of me to be upset about it when you yourself… you know?”

“Not really. It's your body. It's kinda something everyone has to figure out for themself.” 

“Yeah, but… oh, I don’t know. Never mind. It didn’t come out right, anyway.” 

“Okay.” 

They continue in silence for a while. 

“I’m glad,” he says. “That you chose the cure.” 

Kasumi shrugs. "It's not like I could have fought in that state anyway," she mumbles. "And they wouldn't have paid for me." 

"Well, still. You picked the right option. I'm glad, and I'm - I'm grateful. I'm glad you're okay, and I'm glad there's…" His voice dies away, and he says the next part quietly. "There's still hope, maybe." 

"Yeah, a whole lot of good hope does me. I'm still out of a job." 

"I mean for myself. Like - like for a cure." His voice is barely a breath. 

And it's the strangest thing. This isn't how she should feel.

How dare he. How dare he twist something that happened to her, that belongs to her, how dare he only think about what benefit it has to him? She's the one whose life got burned to the ground and all he can think is how he could warm himself on the flames even before she's finished letting it sink in and - 

"Kasumi?" 

Don't you call me that, she wants to snap. Don't you dare call me the name my mother gave you. How can you call yourself my friend, you selfish, condescending - 

"Sure," she says. She means it to be casual, but it comes out cold. 

"Are you okay? You sound upset." 

"I am upset." 

"But that's what I'm saying. I'm saying, you don't have to be upset. This is great, ultimately. I know it's not exactly what you wanted out of life, but you're strong and stubborn and you've got a lot going for you. People like you - I'm sure you'll be able to get a good job, even without cursed energy. This way, you're free from the system, and you have your health." 

"What has my health got to do with it?"

"Everything! With good health you can go anywhere, do anything, make anything of yourself. You can rebuild your whole life! You've got two strong legs to walk on! You have energy, you have friends, you can see the sun and run around and eat good food and sleep well with no pain! What money could be worth giving that up? I-" 

"So think about this for a second," Kasumi snarls, before she even realizes what she's saying. "If you could be cured but someone would kick Yuki out of your house and she'd starve to death in the streets, would you do it?" 

He stops short. Stops walking, too. "Uh… no? What-"

"If you could be cured and live normally but someone put Yuki and your father and mother to work at Jujutsu High, and they had to face down the crap we deal with every day alone, and your mom spat in your face for it and you'd have to watch from the sidelines, not able to help, knowing that it's your fault every time one of them gets cut down and mutilated, knowing it's your fault every time they come home crying, would you do it?" 

"No!" he says. "No, but-"

"Well, you should! You should! What does it matter to you?! You have your health!" A laugh escapes Kasumi against her will, like a living, squirming thing. "You can run around in the sun! You can eat good food! You can start a new family! Who cares that your parents are dead and buried? Who cares that your little sister never got to be a kid? What does that matter to you? It's not like you owe them anything! Fuck them! You can just live on their life insurance, can't you, you sociopath? My mom doesn't even have life insurance!" 

"I - I didn't know-"

"No, you didn't, did you?! You were so busy drowning in self-pity you didn't even think! You've never had to worry about money! You can just toss around hundreds of thousands of yen like it's nothing! You've never had to work, you've always had someone to take care of you and make sure you got proper nutrition and clean clothes and heat and water and electricity and a roof to sleep under! You've never thought about how good you have it!" Her voice has risen to a scream, but she can't stop, won't stop, her whole body shaking. "You think you're cursed to fight? Well, at least you're good at something! I'm not good at anything, so don't you talk about my life as if you know what's best for me! My life is ruined! It's over! I'm going to work three dead-end jobs at a time for the rest of my life with a worthless middle school diploma and every day, every day I'm going to think about how life could have been better if I wasn't such a fucking idiot! So don't you dare be happy for me or especially for yourself, Mechamaru! Don't you fucking dare!" 

The feeling returns to her arms and lips slowly. They're tingling and burning, and she's trembling all over, heaving, ready for a fight. She can't peel her eyes off his face, utterly blank. He froze like this halfway through her tirade and hasn't moved since, but he's still there because his eyes are little green lights and he's breathing. 

She's been in his position before, across from someone with this wild-animal fury on their face. Mom. Wow. For a few seconds she was just like Mom. She wants to laugh and scream. 

She turns on her heels and flees, down the path, slams open the dorm building door, down the hall to the washroom and barely makes it to the toilet before she throws up. 

And then she's slumped on the cold tile with the lights still off, her head leaning against the wall with her whole body tingling as if it had fallen asleep. Aftereffect from the sickness? Maybe she's just freaking out. Her heart feels weird. She's crying. Kokichi didn't follow her. Maybe he's gone into his room to cry too. The way she spat that name, when she knows that it represents everything he hates about himself - oh, God, she's going to throw up again. It must have hurt him so badly. 

She's sick of being sorry. Sick of making space for him and for Mom and Hiroki and Kenji and Mai and Momo and everyone else, sick of being considerate and kind and self-sacrificing. She wants to have her own life, she wants to live her own life, God, she wants - she doesn't know, she wants freedom, maybe a nice house in the countryside where the air isn't so thick and she can be all alone for just two seconds and while the days away reading and planting flowers and now she's sobbing so hard she can't breathe and the bathroom is turning into a series of blurry white-blue stripes. She can't ask for that. There are people who need her and she can't do what they need, and she can't, she can't, she's not good enough, it's not fair to ask her to, she wants to be free and happy. She never wants to see any of them again. She hates them all. But she would miss them terribly. She's going to pass out if she keeps crying this way. Good. Let her pass out. Let her die right here, that'll show 'em.

She cries on the floor of the bathroom for what must be a long time, because when she returns from her stupor, her legs are numb where they pressed against the tile and wall. 

She hauls herself up on the edge of the sink and looks in the mirror. 

Wow, I look horrible. 

A deranged laugh escapes her. Every inch of her screams to run, run far away into the trees and never come back to this horrible life. But then she wouldn't have any money to live on. Money, money, money, money, money… 

She stumbles out of the bathroom and down the hallway, like she's possessed, like she's a zombie. She makes it to her room without anyone seeing her. She collapses on the bed, face first, fully dressed, and sinks into a deep and dreamless sleep. 

Chapter Text

This bed is too warm, and the ceiling is too beige. The silver light filtering through the window, the incessant beeping of that cheap old alarm clock, and past that, the birds. It's a grey morning in late September, and the whole world spreads out before her, as if to say, what now? 

"Can either of you tell me the possible consequences of breaking a Binding Vow with another person?" 

What's the point of this? Kasumi can barely lift her chin off her desk, never mind answer the question. When will she ever be making a Binding Vow? With herself, with - with anyone.

Mai raises her hand, a shifting of fabric to the right. 

"Go ahead, Mai." 

"It can take away your cursed energy, make you sick, kill you or like… pretty much anything else." 

"That's good." Chalk on chalkboard. Tap, tap, scrape. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. "What do you mean by anything else?" 

Kokichi's desk sits empty, accusatory. Off sick. Was it the stress that did it, this time? 

"Weren't you telling us about that recorded case that got really bad luck for the rest of his life? Or like, the guy who got cancer or the guy who started turning into amber…" 

There are scratches on this desk, visible only at this angle, in the shape of a heart with two names inside. Unintelligible with age. Kasumi wonders if the sorcerer who carved this heart is dead. Like Haibara from the last generation that nobody talks about, but she's seen on the memorial. He would have been just two years younger than Utahime. Like Hiroki who'll probably end up on that memorial as well. Marching off to their deaths like a line of ants. 

"That's good, Mai. We can observe…" Tap tap taptaptap tap tap tap tap. "The consequences usually involve loss of cursed energy or a consequence that is linked in terms of subject matter to the Binding at hand, but is not set beforehand or known by either of the participants. And as for the onset being instant or delayed, as you know… it depends…" 

Why didn't she just stop when it started to hurt. Why didn't she just stop when it started to hurt. Why didn't she tell Kokichi the truth. She's going to die poor. Hiroki and Kenji and Mom are going to die poor. She's never going to talk to Momo and Mai again after this year. She's already not talking to Kokichi anymore because she messed that one up already. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She feels sick to her stomach. Doesn't want to live in this world where these things have happened. She wants to close her eyes and have a beautiful dream and wake up in a world where everything is okay. 

"Now, Binding Vow conditions are notoriously… anyone? …unreliable." She writes UNRELIABLE on the board, underlines it twice. "Nobody, including the participants, can be sure what they actually mean…" 

A little folded-up piece of paper hits her in the shoulder. She peels herself off her desk and unfolds it while Utahime's back is turned, still talking. 

You are coming to karaoke tonight!! says the note. 6 pm at the gates don't be late 

She looks at Mai. I'm busy, she mouths. 

No you're not, Mai mouths back. 

"Is everything alright, you two?" 

"It's fine, Utahime." 

"Stay with meee," Momo practically yells into the mic, "Knocking on midnight's door!" Mai whoops and laughs, leaning backwards in her seat - the lights reflected in her eyes, staring at Momo like she's the best thing since the invention of the Glock. It's true that she looks beautiful even in the cheesy polyester butler costume from the hall of the karaoke bar. It's a little too small for her, and lean muscles strain through the fabric. 

Kasumi likes this song, usually. She likes karaoke, usually. Today she just wants to plug her ears, curl up on the red vinyl of the couch, hide under the table and sleep. She wants to check her phone, but she just sits there instead like a lump. Ruining the mood. She wonders if Kokichi can sing. 

The song ends, and then Momo's scooting up next to Kasumi, microphone in hand. "Kasumiiii!" She pokes Kasumi. Kasumi flinches. "Are you gonna try a song or not? Me and Mai can't keep going back and forth forever, you know! Don't you wanna try just one? I bet they have everything you like! I bet they have Beyoncé! Don't you wanna sing Beyoncé?"

"Not really, sorry," Kasumi mumbles. 

"I can't hear yooouuu!" 

"I don't want to sing," Kasumi says, louder. "I'm sorry. I don't feel well." 

"Oh! Oh my gosh, why didn't you just say so?" Momo's arms already around her. Warm and strong and firm. Kasumi can't move. "We can go home if you're not feeling well. It's no fun for anyone if you're just sitting here feeling sick! I'm sorry I didn't ask earlier." 

"No, it's okay," she stutters. "I'm fine, I just - don't wanna sing. I don't wanna ruin the fun." 

"You aren't ruining anyone's fun, dude," Mai says. "Seriously. We want you to have a good time too. We can do something more low-key if you want." 

"It's okay. Really, I swear. I just don't wanna sing, okay?" 

"If you say so." Momo draws back and pats Kasumi on the head. "We love you, okay?" 

"Okay. I love you too." 

Nitta is leaving the medbay when she sees him next, and it's surprisingly easy to just head over and wave. He sees her, smiles, waves back - as if it's genuinely pleasant to see her. It almost makes Kasumi want to smile. 

"I wanted to thank you for coming over when I was sick," she says. "It really meant a lot to me. If there's anything I can ever do for you…"

But he just laughs his nervous laugh. "I'm glad I could help," he says. "And don't worry about it. Just doing what I can." 

New email from: Noritoshi Kamo. At 10:00 am.

Good morning, Miwa, 

I'd like to see you today at Training Ground 3 at 5 in the afternoon, if possible. Bring a staff. 

Sincerely, 

Noritoshi Kamo.

When she gets there, Kamo is down on the field, sparring with Todo already. It looks to be a no holds barred spar - Todo's using his technique like crazy, not because he's having trouble but rather just to mess with Kamo. For his part, Kamo is dodging around wildly, hardly missing a beat every time he unexpectedly finds himself somewhere other than where he stepped. Kasumi can hardly follow their speed, a flurry of blows, Todo more of a heavyweight, almost fighting MMA-style, while Kamo's more disciplined movement reminds her of karate. It's easy to forget how high of a level they're sparring at until a stray punch puts a dent the size of a deck chair into the ground. 

In a moment, or maybe a few mesmerising minutes, the match is over. Todo wins, of course, with a good strike to Kamo's gut, and he goes down, coughing. Todo claps him on the back and says something indistinct, and Kamo nods, getting slowly to his feet. He asks Todo something that Kasumi doesn't hear. Todo glances up at the bleachers, at Kasumi, and nods, and claps.

Nothing - it doesn't work. Kamo looks a little surprised, says something to Todo. Todo shakes his head, shrugs and walks off. 

And Kasumi's forced to make the humiliating trek all the way across the field because of course Todo's technique only works on things with cursed energy. 

"Good of you to make it on time," Kamo says. 

Kasumi shakes her head, looks up at Kamo. Even dirty and sweaty and panting as he is, his black-robed figure towers over her. 

She decides to pretend this is normal. "Of course," she says. "It's good to see you." It's not. There are many things she'd rather be doing than sitting at the training ground, watching Kamo and Todo salt every wound they could possibly manage without even knowing it. But it pays to be polite, with Kamo. 

"Likewise," he says. "Thank you for coming. Five o'clock is normally my sparring time with Mechamaru, but he appears to have ghosted everyone." The phrase sounds wrong in his mouth, and he says it pointedly, too. "So I find myself unexpectedly free." 

"That's unfortunate," says Kasumi, stubbornly refusing to let her face betray the stab of guilt in her gut. The word sounds equally wrong in her mouth. 

"Would you like to spar?" 

She looks at him funny. He looks back at her, completely serious, at least on the surface. Is this a prank? He clearly knows she has no cursed energy right now, it's visible - or rather, invisible - from a mile off. 

His expression is steady. "Well?"

Kasumi gets into stance. "Bring it on." 

She didn't know what she was expecting. Her back hits the ground, and again, and again. Her staff is stolen, thrown away, kicked away, her knees buckled, her feet swept, by deft motions and by brute force, by cursed energy and raw physical prowess. Again and again, she hits the ground. Again, and again, and- 

"Have you had enough yet?" Kamo asks. 

From her spot in the damp grass, Kasumi grits her teeth as hard as she can and gets up. 

"May I ask you a question?" Kamo asks mildly. 

Kasumi cocks her head at him. 

"Would you be pleased if you beat me this time?" 

She thinks for a second - stops. Thinks some more. Pictures: the triumphant moment of victory, her slamming Kamo into the ground, his grunt of defeat, a bow. You fought well. 

"No," she says. 

"Why not?" 

"Because I'd know you were going easy on me."

"If you know that you'll lose any fair match," Kamo says, "then why are you playing the game?" 

A rancorous noise in the back of Kasumi's throat. "I see what you're getting at," she mutters, tossing her baton to the ground. "Very clever." 

"It's not like you to be bitter."

"Maybe I don't feel like myself lately." 

"Sit with me." 

"I'd rather walk." 

"Alright, I'll walk as well." 

Kasumi quickens her pace, but Kamo's legs are longer than hers. For one long, sore lap around the field, he stays silent. As they cross the finish line and start on their next lap, though, he clears his throat and speaks. 

"I admire you, Miwa." 

She looks up at him, startled. He's staring up at the greyish sky, face washed out by the light. "You do?" 

"It's true. I admire you very much," he says. "You're perhaps one of the only truly hard workers at this school. In a place plagued by people who fight out of obligation, you have drive and passion. In that way, you belong more in Tokyo." He pauses. "But why?" 

She waits for him to keep going, until she realizes it's not a rhetorical question. "What do you mean, why?"

"I mean, why? Why do you fight, Miwa?" He turns to her, raises one stately eyebrow. She can't help but notice he's folded his arms behind his back, like a soldier or an old man. 

"I have a family to support," she says. 

"So why sorcery?"

"I want to be strong."

"But you're not strong. And if the rumours are to be believed, you probably never will be. No matter how much you deserve it. No matter how hard you work. No matter how much I admire you, you could never feel proud of beating me in a spar." 

She swallows. 

"So… why?" Kamo asks. 

She shrugs. "I mean, what else is there?" 

And Kamo laughs. "When you learn the answer to that question, Miwa, I would appreciate it if you told me as well." 

And, strangely, Kasumi smiles too. 

Kamo looks almost embarrassed, suddenly. He looks away, and stifles his smile, though he doesn't manage to get rid of it. "I've pressed you too hard, I suppose," he says. "Let's get something to eat."

Kamo makes his coffee as if it's a science experiment. Kasumi digs two granola bars out of the cupboards and snacks on one, watches him pour water over the grounds with one eye closed. The kitchen rests in comfortable silence. 

When the coffee is done, Kasumi sits outside on the steps and Kamo leans against the wall, watching the clouds pass by, feeling the warmth of the sunshine try to take the edge off the chill of autumn. Kasumi never noticed before how the sunlight scorches, gently, a feeling of its own as if the light is touching her skin and not just shining on it. It's nice, and the cold air is nice, and it's nice to hold her head upright balanced atop her spine and look around at the sky and the walls and the ground, and it's nice to take a bite of her granola bar and feel her body accept it eagerly. It's good to suck air into her lungs and shift and know that she could get up if she wanted. Today is a very nice day. 

"Do you have any plans for the future?" Kamo asks, still staring off into the distance with his cup of coffee held loosely in both hands. He looks geometric, like a statue - beautiful but cold and hard to the touch. Like Mechamaru? No. That's different - Mechamaru has Kokichi's warmth in every touch, and… and her stomach feels sour. 

"Miwa?"

"Yes. Sorry." She shakes her head. "I don't have any plans, no. Not anymore." 

"I suppose you wouldn't." 

"How about you?" 

He stays so still that she barely believes he's even speaking when he says, "Become head of the Kamo clan." His gaze stays fixed on a distant green hill. 

"And you don't want to?" 

His expression tightens. He looks at her slowly, one eyebrow arranged carefully in a casually inquisitive look. 

Kasumi almost laughs and asks him if he thinks he's being slick. "You asked me to tell you what else there is to do with your life," she explains. "That doesn't sound like something a happy person would say." 

"I'm perfectly at peace with that arrangement," he lies. "There are many benefits to being head of a clan."

"Money," Kasumi says with a sigh. 

"And certain political privileges."

"Of course." She can't help but sound a little bitter. 

"As long as one acts the part, I suppose." He takes a sip of coffee. 

Is that why you're like that? "Yeah. That sounds like a lot of pressure."

He makes a noncommittal gesture. "And you?"

"You already asked me that." 

"Ah." 

"And I don't know. I have to get a job. I have a family. They're counting on me, even if I can't be a sorcerer anymore." 

"On you? Surely your parents make more money."

"She doesn't." 

"Ah," he says again, awkwardly. "If you can't find anything else, my clan could always use new staff. You'd make a fine housekeeper." 

She has to actually try not to laugh out loud. You are such an asshole. The worst part is, it's an offer she should probably consider. This is basically a veiled offer of help, so Kamo probably would pay her really well. But working for him, waiting on him and his family, as if she hadn't had enough of his crap at school… but he'd probably pay her really well…

"Forgive me if I overstepped." 

Kasumi shakes her head. "I'll think about it," she says, trying to make it sound like a joke. 

"Other than that, I am studying English," Kamo says. "Between you and me, I would like to live in America briefly after I graduate." 

She doesn't ask him how he's gonna afford the trip. "What are you gonna do there?" 

He shrugs. "Practice my English. Perhaps take care of some foreign curses." 

"They're not so hot on the idea of, like, clans in America. That's what Momo says."

"I know." And he smiles, for real. Who does he think he's fooling? "What a strange country." 

New email from: Utahime Iori. At 8:50 am.

Hello, Miwa, 

First of all, I'm glad to see you out and about and coming to classes again. I hope you are recovering well. 

Since your ability to fight has changed, it is necessary to review your role and placement at Jujutsu High. I'll be acting as your student advocate. Please drop by my office today or tomorrow anytime between noon and five so we can discuss next steps. 

Utahime Iori 

"First of all, I want to apologize for how things turned out," Utahime says, squaring away the papers on her desk and turning to face Kasumi directly. "I take responsibility for not noticing something was wrong before it was too late. That's my job as a supervisor. I failed you. I'm sorry." 

Kasumi squirms. "It's fine. I was the one being stupid, anyway."

"At your age, you should be allowed to do the occasional stupid thing without lifelong consequences." She opens a drawer of her desk, pulls out a notepad and ballpoint pen. "Regardless, I'm glad you came. I wanted to give you a couple of days to adjust before putting you on the spot about your future."

"I'm being put on the spot?" 

She bites her lip. "No. I'm sorry, that wasn't a good way to phrase it. We're just talking, okay?" 

"Okay." 

Utahime looks at her expectantly. 

Kasumi fidgets in her plastic seat and stares at the wood grain in the desktop. "Are you guys kicking me out?"

Utahime's slight pause speaks volumes. "Not… necessarily," she says. "At Jujutsu High, we don't just have sorcerers. There are also windows and assistant managers, who aren't required to fight. For instance, you know Sugimoto, I'm sure." 

"But assistant managers have to be able to cast curtains. And windows have to be able to see cursed energy." 

"There are ways around both of those issues…" 

Kasumi stares at the desk grain. 

"...but you don't seem too interested," Utahime says. "Tell me, Miwa, what is it you want to do?' 

"I want to fight," she says, and bites her lip so the tears don't rise again. 

Utahime gives Kasumi a pitying look. She avoids it by staring at the desk even more fiercely. 

"Alright," Utahime says softly. "Maybe it'd be best to wait a few months and let you get settled into your new situation before we talk about this." She rummages in her desk and puts a pair of glasses in front of Kasumi. They look like reading glasses. "These will let you see cursed energy for now, if you still want to. You're still not going to participate in training or missions of any kind, but your enrollment in Jujutsu High won't be reviewed until the end of the year. Then you can decide if you want to become a manager or leave the school. Until then, you may focus on your schoolwork."

"Can you email my mom?" Kasumi asks. 

"I'm sorry?"

"Can you email my mom and tell her about all of this?" 

"Don't you want to do that yourself?" 

Utahime's gaze bores into her. Kasumi switches her gaze to her feet. 

"Miwa," Utahime says. "I think it would be better if you were the one to tell her what decision you make. But you can't very well tell her what you decided until you decide, right? Give it a month or two. Rest and recover. Then we'll talk. Okay?" 

"Okay."

"Okay. Good luck."

Ieiri leaves that Wednesday, at the unholy hour of 5:45 am. For Heaven's sake, it's sunrise! But Kasumi is there anyway, clothes on if a little rumpled, clutching at the hilt of her sword that she decided to wear for courage if nothing else. 

"Thank you," she says, and bows deep. "I know I wasn't the best patient but I really, really appreciate everything you've done for me. I appreciate that you tried to find another way and that you told me what was going on. And that you fixed me up even when it was my fault I was sick. You're a really good doctor, Ieiri." 

"Whoa, slow down, kid. You gotta take a breath sometime." Ieiri raises an eyebrow at her. "As for the rest, I'm just doing my job. And don't kick yourself. There's no such thing as a perfect patient." 

"But you deserve better."

"Doing my job isn't about what I deserve. It's about what I can do for you." She jabs a finger at Kasumi. "And anyway, I thought I told you to rest. Why are you up this early?" 

"Why are you up this early?" 

"That's my secret. I never went to sleep." She winks. "Ciao." 

"This one." 

"No way! She's going to freeze." 

Momo's holding out a yellow dress insistently, one with pleats and a little black collar that looks probably too small for Kasumi. Mai, on the other hand, is holding the wooliest, chunkiest sweater dress Kasumi has ever seen.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that pain is beauty?" 

"Nobody with a brain! Come on! It'll look great on her, she'll look like a queen!" Mai holds the dress up to Kasumi as if putting clothes on a paper doll. "Pose, Miwa." 

Giggling, Kasumi strikes a luxurious pose, hands clasped around the huge scarf that comes with the dress. "Oh, please. I can wear a jacket over the yellow one." 

"A jacket! Oh my God, you're right!" And Momo is off again through the rows of dresses like an obstacle course, almost as nimble as if she's flying again. "A blue jacket!" she calls from three aisles over, drawing strange looks from their fellow shoppers. "Denim, maybe? No! A blazer!" 

Still holding the sweater dress, Mai gives Kasumi a look, like, isn't she the best? and thanks for coming and sheesh, she needs to calm down all at once. Then she shrugs, laughs and heads off in Momo's direction. 

Kasumi ducks her head and laughs as well, though nobody is watching. "Wait for me," she calls. "I get final say, okay?!" And she dashes after them towards the jackets, shoes making a satisfying clack against the tile floor of the department store. 

From: Kokichi. At 2:57 am. 

Hey. 

I know you're probably not awake and you probably don't want to talk to me and I understand that and I'm sorry but I'll be on the roof at midnight tomorrow if you want to talk. 

No pressure. 

Please take care of yourself. You don't have to reply. 

He chose a pitch-black night to meet, that's for sure, and a crappy time too. As Kasumi's feet get tangled in what feels like the twentieth bramble she wonders if this whole excursion was worth a ripped pair of pants and tomorrow's exhaustion. What are you doing here, Kasumi? The woods at night are creepy, especially without the light of the moon or her phone flashlight, which is stowed in her pocket for fear of getting caught. This was a terrible idea. This was a terrible idea. 

There, the tree. She hauls herself from branch to branch, skinning her knee on the rough bark, and goes tumbling headlong onto the roofing tiles with a graceless clatter. 

This was a terrible idea - 

"You came." 

She doesn't yelp, but she stiffens. Kokichi is reduced tonight to a pair of green pinpricks and a solid hand to help her up. She takes his hand and he hauls her to her feet. 

"Of course I came," she says. "Why wouldn't I?" 

"I just… thought you wouldn't wanna talk to me. After everything." 

Kasumi stares down at the tops of the trees. Now that they're on the roof, her eyes have started to adjust to the feeble wash of light from the cloudy sky, and whatever reflects off the lights of campus. The buildings are lit orange and yellow, disappearing into the gloom. You're the person I most need to talk to, she doesn't say. 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so, so sorry. You were right, I was being selfish and thoughtless and ungrateful and I'm the one who got you sick in the first place so I..." 

A quiet laugh tears itself from Kasumi's throat and flutters off into the dark. "It's okay," she says softly. "I get it. We'd both been through a lot." 

He says nothing, but she feels his gaze on her. 

"I'm sorry too, for what it's worth," she says. "For calling you ungrateful and saying you never had to worry about anything. I know your life is really, really hard, I… I know it sucks needing others to take care of you like that and I know being sick is expensive. That was a really messed up thing to say, and I really didn't mean it. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for calling you Mechamaru."

He exhales. A real tremor in his breath. "Seriously?" 

"Yeah. I know what that name means to you, it's just, it wasn't… I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to put some distance between us, I didn't mean to compare you to him. You're not him." 

He nods. "Thank you," he says, very quietly. "And l'm sorry too. I was being a real piece of work, and I'm honestly sorta glad you yelled at me. It made me think a lot about how selfish I've been in the past. You deserve better, and I'm gonna do right by you. So thank you." 

"You're not selfish."

"Yes, I am," he says, calmly but firmly. "Let's go sit down." 

He leads her, again, to that place on the roof where they'd sat and stared at the stars what feels like ages ago now but was only really about a month, now that Kasumi thinks about it. There Kokichi sits against the tiles and gazes up at the sky. 

"It's cloudy," he says mournfully. 

"There'll be more starry nights," Kasumi says, and sits down next to him.

A click and whir in the darkness that indicates a shrug. "This is one of my favourite memories, you know. Lying out here on the roof with you. That was a good night. The sky was beautiful." 

"Yeah. It was." 

Kasumi falls silent. So does Kokichi. Something heavy hangs in the air, something Kasumi can't quite put her finger on. The warm wind sighing through the trees, the crickets, the night birds, everything starts to lull her, like she's drunk on nighttime. 

This is good, she thinks unbidden. This is good, and she means it. He's breathing beside her, the tinny ring of speakers, slight shifting and clicking and whirring because he's here with her, looking up at the sky, and suddenly everything is okay. Why can't it always be like this? Come home with me… come live a normal life with me… we could do it, if we were together. Screw the higher-ups, screw everyone. I'd take care of you, and you'd take care of me. Maybe the pain would ease if you weren't so lonely. You wouldn't have to fight anymore… it would be hard, but we could do it if we were together…  

"Kokichi?" 

"Mhm?" He sounds sleepy too. 

"Why don't you date?" 

"Um…" His voice dips to a thick murmur. "Dunno. I guess I just don't wanna subject people to my shitty life." 

Kasumi closes her eyes. Idiot, she wants to say. You are such a freaking idiot. 

"Nobody wants me, anyway," he mumbles. "I look fucked up and I'm too sick to do all the romantic stuff properly. It's not like I blame them. I wouldn't date me either." 

Kasumi's heart cracks. Oh, Kokichi. "But - what if someone wanted to? Really, actually wanted to date you? Would you still say no?" 

A metallic creak as he turns to look at her. "What are you saying?" he asks, his voice… unreadable. Apprehensive, maybe. 

Her heart is very noisy all of a sudden. "N- Nothing. I'm just curious." 

"Oh. No need for hypotheticals, then. Nobody's ever been interested in me. I see no reason why they should start now." 

Kasumi presses her lips together. "That's such a sad thing to believe about yourself," she says. Her voice sounds far away. "Don't you get lonely?" 

"Yeah. Sometimes." A quiet clank as he shrugs. 

God, Kokichi. The amount of money she would pay - what she would do to make him happy, just reach into his life and fix everything. As if wishing is worth anything. As if he'd even want that. 

"That's so sad," she whispers. 

"It is what it is." 

They fall silent, and Kasumi curses herself ferociously for being a selfish coward.

"Kasumi?" 

"Yeah?" 

A long pause. "I… have to tell you some stuff," he says, very quickly as if he's been hyping himself up. 

Her stomach goes tight, but like, good-tight. "Okay. Shoot." 

"I'd rather do it in person." 

"Isn't this in person?" 

"I mean in person, in person." 

"O- oh." Kasumi blinks. Then she processes what he just said and bolts upright, heart pounding. " Oh. What?! But I thought you said-"

"I know." He puts a hand on her shoulder and guides her gently back down. "But that was then, and this is now, and… and I don't… maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to look you in the eyes when I tell you this stuff." 

And oh. Because the tone of his voice is not happy. 

"Is it a good or bad thing?" 

"I don't want to talk about it right now," he says. "Let's just enjoy tonight, okay?" 

Dread takes root in Kasumi's stomach. "Um, if you say so." 

No answer. Suddenly the night air feels cold and clammy against her skin. 

But she has to be rational about this. It's probably nothing. Right? Maybe he's asking her out. Maybe he's telling her he doesn't wanna be friends anymore. Or maybe he isn't? Why would he feel that way? 

What kind of news could he need to deliver in person? 

What kind of news could possibly make him go to the trouble-? 

"And, I, um," he starts, just the barest whisper. "I want to thank you. For being my friend. I know it isn't always easy, but I really… I really like being friends with you, for what it's worth. You're a good person, Kasumi." 

He's dying. Oh my God, he's dying. 

Kasumi doesn't dare open her mouth in case she starts to cry. She lies back against the roofing tiles and stares at the pitch-black sky, shivering. 

She knew this was coming. She knew it. He'd told her he was going to die eventually. She just didn't think at that point that he had months to live - Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God - No, this isn't for sure. She can't freak out. He didn't say anything yet - he's not for sure going to die, it might be nothing, it might even be a good thing. He didn't say anything. Maybe he just wants it to be a surprise! It's gonna be okay. She can't believe he's dying, can't afford to believe it or else she'll just go crazy on the spot. 

"It's nothing you have to worry about right now," he says softly, as if he's trying to convince himself. "It's a nice night. Okay? Let's just look at the sky." 

It's all she can do to nod. Through the vertigo, she reaches for his hand and finds it, the one solid thing in a whirling world. Tell me whatever you want, Kasumi thinks at him. Tell me anything but that. I can handle anything. Just don't ever leave me. 

He squeezes her hand, and she squeezes back. There they lie for silent minutes, staring at the pitch-black cloud cover, the roofing tiles of the student dorm the only things keeping them from falling into the silent oblivion of the sky. 

Chapter Text

She tries. She really tries not to think about it like he asked, but the tone in his voice presents itself to her, over and over again, until her brain worries a little hole into that request. He never has to know. Surely it's nothing about his health. Surely he's going to be alright. He said it would be okay. Was he lying? Why didn't he wanna tell her? What if he's dying? What if his body is wearing out under the strain and he's dying? 

"Miwa?" 

Kasumi startles out of her reverie just in time to catch Mai raising an eyebrow at her. Utahime stares at her from the board. Anything you'd like to share with the class? Kasumi braces herself, but the barb doesn't come. Instead, Utahime sighs. "You seem distracted. Is everything alright?" 

"Everything's fine, Utahime," Kasumi assures her quickly. "What were you saying?" 

"I was just talking about…" Utahime's mouth keeps opening and closing, but Kasumi's head drifts away just as quick and she hasn't got the tenacity to keep trying. She wills herself not to put her head down on her desk and just close her eyes. 

Kokichi nudges her with the eraser end of a mechanical pencil. Cocks his head at her, for lack of an expression. Mai's looking at her too, lips pursed, one eyebrow raised. 

Kasumi shrugs and tries for a guilty smile. Mai doesn't look convinced. Kokichi doesn't look much of anything, but she bets his real face - wherever it is, whatever it looks like - isn't buying it either. 

It gets postponed. Twice, actually. Both times heralded by a text that was sent late at night, but only received when Kasumi's alarm goes off - Hey I'm really sorry but I don't have the energy to meet up tomorrow. And Hey I'm in a bit of a flare can we wait a day or two for it to calm down? I'm so so sorry to do this again. 

And both times she swallows her worry and fear and the urge to pick neurotically at her hair and texts him back, Of course!! I hope you feel better soon :(( 

They hang out like normal too. He carries her bags after class and they go down to the forest, or to the dorm roof, or watch movies in Kasumi's dorm room. But it hangs between them, that meeting, heavy and unspoken, and she finds herself staring at his face and wondering what his real face looks like, and if the curve of his jaw is quite the same, and if the false expression of those piercing green eyes stays true even without the little LEDs. 

And then it's here. September 30th, a chilly Sunday with no class and no missions for him, and he hasn't texted her at 2 am, and he ducks his head at her shyly when they pass each other in the halls that morning. "I'll text you my address," he says, and tucks some money into her palm. "Here. For the train." 

And he does, and then it's really happening. Don't tell Utahime I live here, he says along with the address. I'm supposed to be in the school basement. The address is somewhere in the middle of freaking nowhere, an hour's train ride out of the nearest station, luckily close to the station where she'll get off even though it's rural. She fiddles around trying to delete her search history on Google Maps, but it's no good. 

Her yogurt breakfast tastes like nothing. Her morning workout lasts for centuries. She wonders what it means for a person to look like one of those people Mahito touched, and if she'll be able to talk to him normally and how she has to remember to be cool about it because the last thing she wants is to make him feel bad about the way he looks, not after all of this, not after he's invited her to his place finally, after months and months. She might be one of the only people in Kyoto to know what he looks like (she thinks, as she calls for an assistant manager to drive her to the train station). Except maybe Utahime, who used to take care of him, and Nitta who worked with Ieiri (as she straps her now-useless sword to her belt, for moral support). What could that mean to him? 

She wears the cheery yellow blouse that Mai and Momo forced her to buy, and some slacks, and she checks briefly with Kokichi to ask if he's allergic to the metal in her favourite necklace (he's not). He asks her not to wear anything scented, and luckily her deodorant is not so at least she won't smell. Her palms are already sweaty. She considers putting on makeup, but Mai and Momo are out on missions and she doesn't trust herself to do a good job on her own.

When Sugimoto pulls up to the gate and sees her, she laughs. "Going somewhere special?" 

"You could say that," Kasumi says, and gets into the backseat. 

"Is it a boy?" 

"No! I mean, yes, but - it's not like that!" Unless it is. Kasumi's face goes so, so hot. 

Sugimoto laughs. "Alright. We'll be sure to get you to the train station in one piece." 

She does. Kasumi can barely stay in her seat for the ride, and when the car doors unlock she's springing up already, thanking Sugimoto and running inside. 

The train ride, too, seems endlessly long and blurs all into one shapeless experience of noise. The stations change quickly, from simple rural platform to bustling city stop and back again. 

And it's there. On the side of a hill, just a little shack to keep off the nonexistent rain and a platform bathed in grey light. Kasumi gets off, praying she has the right stop, and looks around. It's just forest and field. At least she has cell service, though it isn't fantastic. 

Hey, I'm here at the station, should I just walk to your place? It's half an hour's walk according to her phone, but probably more considering the address he gave her is just forest and he must live in some sort of structure. It doesn't sound so bad, though, through the rustling trees and under the grey sky. The leaves are starting to turn, and sprays of red interrupt the treeline where it climbs up the slope and away.

Nah it's pretty far, comes the answer. Sit tight and I'll pick you up. 

She sits under the awning of the train station shack and picks at the boards. It's not raining now, but it must have a while ago because the wood is damp and spongy under her fingers. She's a long ways away from anything familiar, she realizes, and it feels like she's falling - but she remembers that this is Kokichi's life, the environment that has surrounded him the whole time, and that makes her feel a little better. 

She hears the car crunching on dirt road before she sees it pull up. It looks retro, one of those old square-looking models painted chrome green, but she doesn't know anything about cars. There he is in the driver's seat - or, another Mechamaru, slightly stouter than the school version, waving at her. 

She jogs up to the car and opens the door, trying to brush the dampness out of her pants and failing. "Hey!" she says, unable to keep the nervous grin from her face. "Ready to go?" 

He nods and passes her a sticky note. This model doesn't have speakers, it says, in handwriting that's pressed too hard into the paper. I'll drive you to my place. 

"Okay," she says, sticks the sticky note to the dashboard and gets in. The car smells like leather and cleaning fluid, and the engine growls softly. Knowing Kokichi, it's probably some sort of refurbishing project - either that, or it flies. It bumps and jars Kasumi a little at every pothole. She stares out at the passing trees as Kokichi drives.

"Hey," she says as it occurs to her. "Do you even have your driver's license? Is this legal?" 

Without looking away from the main road, he holds up a hand and shoots a small spurt of fire from it, then shrugs.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Kasumi says. "Y'know, this trip would be much better if you could talk."

He dips his head low, as if bowing. 

"Oh, it's not your fault." She blushes. "I'm really excited." And by excited, she means that her stomach is flip-flopping so hard she feels sick. 

He pats her arm, points to himself and holds up two fingers. 

"You too?" Kasumi guesses. 

He nods, then his shoulders shake as if laughing. Kasumi laughs too and leans back against the window, staring out at the countryside rolling by. 

The drive lasts barely ten minutes. As they begin to slow on a seemingly uninteresting section of road, Kasumi sees something in the trees. A flash of metal. She presses herself up against the window and squints - and out of the trees steps a shiny Mechamaru, undecorated, pristine and with absolutely no clothes on. Kasumi averts her eyes, blushing. There's no… anatomy, but it still feels wrong. 

There are more, as they slow to a halt, patrolling here and there, flashes of metal in the undergrowth. A whole battalion of Mechamarus patrolling the area. 

"Why are there so many guards?" Kasumi wonders. "Are you expecting an attack or something?" 

The car stops, finally, and Kokichi (or maybe they're all Kokichi? How does he have the focus to keep all of these things moving?) grabs another sticky note. Will explain when you get inside, he writes. He points into the forest and motions for her to walk that way. 

So Kasumi shrugs and gets out of the car to walk that way. It pulls away to places unknown, and then she's - well, not alone. She's surrounded by Kokichi. And he proves it. As she starts off into the forest, Mechamarus break off to guide her over rotting stumps and bow as she passes. She can't help but giggle at them, childishly, as she finds them tucked into the canopies of trees and hanging upside down on branches, offering her high-fives as they pass. One of them even scoops her up and piggybacks her across a stream. 

The sentries thicken further into the trees, or maybe they're all clumping around her, trying to make sure she's safe. Either way, she's surrounded practically on all sides for the last section of the walk - until she emerges onto the dam. 

It's huge. A stone wall rising over a cliff she didn't even notice, and the water below. Abandoned, or at least it looks that way - there are some maintenance shacks dotted around the top walkway, but one of them has a caved-in roof. The grey sky makes the water look like liquid silver, lapping at the drop-off edges of the man-made reservoir, and the dam seems to stretch into the sky, unkempt and mossy, surrounded by red trees. There are ducks swimming in the reservoir. Kasumi can almost imagine the way that, on a brighter day, the water would glitter in the sun. 

"It's beautiful," she breathes. 

From behind her, a sentry clicks and ruffles her hair, as if to say, You too.

"How do I get in?" she asks. 

Gently he sweeps her legs out from under her and holds her tight in a bridal carry, starts off towards the dam. She only has a few moments to be embarrassed at how much she's blushing before he jumps - 

-and they go soaring, and she can't help but scream but the sound is torn from her by the rushing air and her hair flies around her and then she's laughing as they reach the top of their arc and float weightless before landing, very neatly, on the top of the dam. 

He lets her down, but keeps an arm around her shoulders to steady her. It's a good idea. Even as she stumbles, though, she's laughing with delight. "That was scary!" 

He shrugs and ducks his head, an apology. He waits until she's done sorting out her hair and clothes again to point her towards a door near the middle of the dam. 

"Is that the entrance?" 

He nods. 

"Then, I guess I'll see you there." 

He nods again, and jumps back down, goes sailing over the edge of the dam and he's gone. 

Kasumi spends another moment rearranging her hair before she heads in through the metal maintenance door. The handle is cold. She's greeted at the door by another silent Mechamaru, this one thinner and with no lights in his eyes, but with a thin white flashlight that cuts through the damp dark of the dam. This one seems less full of life - maybe it's less articulate, or maybe his body language is changing, becoming more hunched-in as she gets closer. 

She follows the robot down two different stairwells and across a hall to a room that nearly blinds her with its sudden fluorescent white light. It's full of refrigerated shelves, which in turn are buried in bottles and bags of clear fluid and boxes of needles and sanitary wipes. One row is entirely dedicated to bandages. And there's another row, not refrigerated but normal shelves with clothes on them, all shorts, hoodies and soft-looking graphic t-shirts. A threadbare stuffed bear looks rather out of place on the top shelf, tucked into the hood of a purple hoodie. 

Kokichi - or, the thinner Mechamaru that Kokichi is piloting - motions to an industrial sink in the corner and mimes washing his hands. 

"Okay," Kasumi says, heading over. "I can wear a mask too, if you want." 

He mimes coughing - cocks his head. A question. 

"Um, no." 

He shrugs. Shakes his head. 

After she's done washing and drying her hands, he passes her another note, this one a list on lined paper torn out of an unseen notebook. Keep your voice down. Don't touch me or any of the machines and medicine without permission. If something goes wrong, just leave the room. Do as I say. If you don't know, ask. OK? 

"Okay." 

He leads her back out into the dark hallway, down another hall, and stops in front of a door that looks - well, pretty much identical to all the other doors. He bows and motions for her to go on in. And that's when it hits her all over again that she's about to see him, right now.

She's knocked breathless, but she doesn't dare stop with him staring at her, arm still open in a gesture of welcome. So she puts her hand on the cold, heavy door, and pulls it open. 

The air is cool. Not cold, nor quite as damp as the rest of the dam, just cool enough to raise a few goosebumps before she gets used to it, and there's a strange smell hanging in the air, almost like fresh bread, but… sour. The door opens onto another dark hallway, smaller than the last, but illuminated bizarrely by jade-green light. In the depths of the suite - because it is a suite, decorated like one with a doormat and pictures on the walls and the presence of someone inside - machines groan and whir. 

"Hello?" she calls softly into the depths of the hallway. "Kokichi?" 

"Kasumi. I'm here." 

And his voice is deep and hoarse and somehow rougher than she imagined, and her name in his mouth, Kasumi, like the first time all over again with a sharp S and a deep, wide A that never quite carried over the speakers right and oh my God he's real. He's real and he's made of flesh and blood and bone and he's in the first room off the hall, beyond that open door.  

She half-runs into the doorway, out of breath all of a sudden and inexplicably afraid. Half of her expects him to be a robot again, for this all to be a prank. 

It's not. 

His room is cluttered, but not messy. There's the illusion of mess - bottles clustered on tabletops, boxes and cloths, a wheelchair, microphones, a desk fan, the walls plastered with posters whose vibrant colours are flattened into greens and blacks by the light. There are action figures, too, like in his dorm room, striking dynamic poses across the topmost shelves next to hot water bottles and strange metal rings that Kasumi can't begin to guess at the purpose of. In the corner, tucked into the dark, three thin mechanical figures hang limp. His helpers. Unlike his dorm room, though, it's all arranged just so. The closer she looks the more she can see how everything is in its place, sorted into pouches and endless shelves of transparent plastic drawers. 

And in a hospital bed in the centre of the room, swathed in blankets and smiling nervously, is Kokichi. 

He looks… God. He looks like everything all at once. She looks at him and an impression she can't describe passes over her and she doesn't know why, but she wants to fall to her knees and laugh. But she just stands there instead, paralyzed, and looks at him for the first time. 

His hair. It's black, and thin, and longer than she pictured. It'd fall, she imagines, just past his chin in unbrushed tendrils, except he has it up in a high spray of a ponytail. His face - sharp and gaunt, and - and skin like - God that must hurt, his skin, God, his skin, dark with sores, blotchy and peeling and scarred. Scabs cluster around his nose, lips and chin. His throat bobs with anxiety, his t-shirt branded after some anime character with ridiculous sunglasses, fabric pooling around the edges of his stomach and ribcage. There are tubes and ports and bags everywhere, running into and out of his neck, his clothes, under his blankets. He’s big , she realises with dull surprise - broad shoulders and a long, lanky build, though emaciated. He’d probably stand six feet tall if he could, though she can't make out his legs under the blankets. A thick shell of white bandages pokes out of his shirt collar. And he’s smiling at her and God, his eyes - they’re granite-black, wide, bloodshot, beautiful.

“Hi,” she says, her voice barely a whisper. 

“Hi,” he says back, in that low voice of his. She can see his throat move when he talks, sliding under the skin. He’s so real and so there she has to swallow the urge to go grab him and swing him around and around, just to feel him, warm under her palms. 

Aaaand she’s been staring. “Your hair is so long,” she blurts out, and immediately kicks herself. “I like it.” 

“Really? Thank you. I’ve been growing it out.” His eyes crinkle and he lets out a quiet, nervous laugh. “God, this is so weird. Your voice is different in person.” 

“Well… thank you?” 

“You’re welcome. You have a nice voice.” He smiles at her. She smiles at him, and notices that his teeth are crooked. Cute. They stay there, silent, drinking each other in, and then they both laugh at their own awkwardness. When he laughs, his eyes glitter with sheepish anxiety. Every expression he makes is rendered slightly frantic by his wide, startled eyes. Kasumi’s heart trembles under the weight of how alive he is, how open. She feels she might burst at any moment. 

He coughs, a rasping noise so loud and sudden she nearly jumps out of her skin. “Um, I got you a seat,” he says, and gestures towards the other side of the bed, though he doesn’t unclench his hand to do so. “If you want to sit down.” 

She does, quietly, reverently. The chair in question is a little white stool with a pillow stacked on top, bringing her just a few inches above Kokichi’s eye level. Up close, now, she can see the rising and falling of his chest, the strings of angry scabs along the creases in his skin, the waxy texture of scarring, spiderwebbing red veins and bumpy white flecks around his eyes, the whole surface of him. His hand isn't clenched in a fist, his fingers are fused that way by years of built-up scars, white patches on his knuckles. His face is completely covered in scars which tug at his features when he moves. He’s studying her intently, and looks away quickly when she catches his eye. 

“Um,” he says, and laughs a little awkwardly again. “I’m sorry about the… smell.”

“It’s okay,” Kasumi says. It's stronger closer to him, and she guesses it's his skin, and probably best not to embarrass him by asking. 

“I cleaned, but there's nothing else I can do," he says. And, a little frantically - “And I'm sorry about the chair. I would have bought a more comfortable one but I wasn’t thinking - normally it’s just me in here, and I don’t-”

“It’s okay, Kokichi,” she says softly, trying to impress upon him just how okay it is. “It’s okay.” How could any of that matter now? 

"You know, I was kind of expecting this to be different," he says. 

"Different how?"

"More dramatic or something, I don't know." He smiles, awkwardly, boyishly, and Kasumi's heart trembles with the force of her affection. "I figured it would be a bigger deal."

"It feels like a big deal to me," she confesses, her face going hot. 

"Yeah, but you just kinda walked in and you're not treating me any different, so… that's a bonus."

"What were you expecting me to do?" 

"Scream," he says with a wry twist of the mouth. 

“I wouldn’t!” Kasumi gasps. “Don’t even joke about that. I wouldn’t ever!”

“I guess you wouldn’t, no.” He closes his eyes, as if he can’t believe something in her voice is real. “I guess you wouldn’t,” he says again. Softly, lowly, and something in his voice sends shivers down her spine and makes her feel dangerous. 

“Um,” she says, strangled. “And for the record, I don’t really see the Mahito thing either. I mean, you look really sick, but you don’t look like them.” 

“Thank you.” He laughs softly, and the laugh tapers into a cough. “I appreciate that. And I appreciate you coming here. I know it’s out of your way.” And that’s not what he means at all, because as his hand reaches gently for hers but doesn’t dare take it, he means, thank you for seeing me. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for helping me come this far. Thank you for pouring your time into me when I needed it. It can’t have been easy. Thank you for everything. 

“Of course,” Kasumi says, and hates the way the words come out too fast and not quiet enough. “I wanted to come, anyway. This place is worth the trip.” 

“Yeah,” he says. “I couldn’t agree more.” 

He looks up at her, and their eyes meet and all of a sudden Kasumi's stomach is doing flips, because his expression is adoring and contented, as if he could stare at her all day and never get tired of it. The expression she's heard about in books, seen attempted in movies, but never quite right, never quite so real as this - tender and direct and delicate and bold. He looks at her like he worships her, all of that emotion held inside two frantically affectionate dark eyes. 

And she knows. Oh, it's not just her. He wants her so badly it's thickening the air. 

Before she can stop herself, the words tumble out. "Do you wanna go out with me?" 

He stares at her, his eyes wide. 

As soon as she realizes what she’s done, her body seizes up, but it's out there now - all she can do is turn bright red in the dark, her heart racing. She wants to say something else - take it back - but with the last of her sanity she shuts herself up with a hand over her mouth, clutches the mattress, and waits.

Kokichi's face is so open. Not a single expression's hidden, and why would they be? She watches them pass across his face like shifting light through glass: shock, confusion, disbelief, then realization, excitement, adoration - and then hesitation, guilt, and finally, deep, deep sorrow. He sighs, defeated, his beautiful eyes drooping shut. 

Kasumi's breath catches. "I'm sorry. I'm - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Forget I said anything." 

"It's not you," he mumbles. "Please be quiet for a moment." He takes a long, deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. "The thing is, I do want to, I really want to. I just can't." 

Kasumi feels ill. "If it's because you're sick I don't know how to convince you that I don't mind. I don't mind any of it - even if we can't touch at all, ever, that's fine, it's-" 

"No. It's not that either." He sounds exhausted. "It's just what I was going to tell you when you got here, and I… can't keep doing this. I've been lying to you this whole time. I really appreciate how good you've been to me, but I don't deserve any of it." 

"But I don't care," Kasumi insists. "I know you think you're a bad person but that’s just crap, you’re one of the kindest people I–"

“I worked for Mahito,” he says. “Or, Patchface, I guess you would call him.” 

And the world stops spinning. 

“What?"

“I worked for Mahito,” he repeats patiently. “I fed him information, for a while.” It's as if he's slammed himself shut, leaving his expression dead. “I was his inside man. A Vow kept him away from the Kyoto students and staff. So you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Mostly I reported the movements and abilities of Tokyo operatives. Videos of Kento Nanami fighting. Information about where Satoru Gojo was, and when he was out of the country. Lists of shikigami… and so on. There’s another-”

“Stop it,” and Kasumi’s voice is a breathless wheeze and she’s clutching the mattress with white knuckles, “Stop it!” 

Obligingly, he stops and looks up at her, lips pressed together, eyes dark and expressionless. He’s watching her like a hawk and Kasumi must have her wires crossed because she wishes she had her cursed energy again. 

She splutters wordlessly. “What?!” she eventually repeats. 

“There’s another traitor,” he says, a little softer. “But they’re in the higher-ups, and I don’t know who they are. So the information about Gojo’s location, at least, was redundant. But the footage was valuable.” 

“That’s not what I meant!” she cries, and for the first time her voice rises to a yell. He almost hides the wince of pain. Almost. She opens and closes her mouth a few times. “I don’t understand,” she says. “I don’t understand. He - you saw those poor people, he tortured them! Kokichi, why?”

“I know,” he says. “But he had something I wanted. That’s all.” 

Her breath catches. She tries to catch his eye, to hold it, to plead wordlessly with him for an explanation, for something. He holds her gaze, but she sees nothing in his dark eyes. Her heart leaps into her throat. She realizes only a second later that the unfamiliar coldness gripping her is fear. It strikes her that she's all alone, in - in enemy territory, technically, with three robots built to attack in the same room, and her without any cursed energy. Half on instinct, she lurches back, hand on her useless sword, glancing at the three unmoving robots on the other side of the room and back to Kokichi's unmoving face - 

But his expression isn't flat anymore. He's staring at her, and when he sees her frightened look, a horror of his own flashes across his features. 

The fear dissolves. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," he says. "God, is that really what you think of me? I guess I can't blame you but - Kasumi, I - I wouldn't. I would never." 

She struggles to explain herself, but the words don't come. All she can do is shake her head. "Sorry," she says faintly. 

For a moment, the only sound is the clicking of the machines and their twin irregular breathing. He pulls himself together, shakes his head. "Forget it. I'm sorry. This was a stupid, selfish idea. Just… just go. Report me, I don't care, I won't deny it. The higher-ups can have my head on a stick if that’s what they want. It’s probably what I deserve. Just go." 

"W- wait," Kasumi says, "Wait!" Her voice gets a little too loud and Kokichi hisses through his teeth. "I'm sorry," she says, her voice quick and shaky. "I don't understand, but I don't want to go yet." 

"Listen," he says tightly. "I know that I don't deserve your respect. But if you have any mercy in you, I am begging you not to do this right now. I know I don't have the right, but I'm begging you." 

"Not to do what?"

"To interrogate me, to - to have it all out. Have me executed, I don't care, but don't make me defend myself. Not against you."

"I don't want to have it all out," she says, bewildered. "I just want to understand." 

He starts to speak - pauses. "What?" 

"Kokichi, I'm not attacking you," she says, leaning forward. She goes to put her hand over his hand - stops herself. "I'm not attacking you," she says again, her voice as calm as possible, which isn’t very calm at all. "I just want to understand. I know you. I know you've been kind to me. I don't understand why you allied with Mahito, but I want to. I owe you that much, and you owe me the truth. So please, just tell me why." 

He shakes his head, expression screaming, this was a bad idea. "A cure," he mutters. "He offered me a cure." 

And, oh.

Her stomach drops ten stories. For the second time in a matter of minutes, Kasumi finds herself utterly thunderstruck. 

He sees her expression and laughs, not entirely joylessly. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah… fuck, yeah, it's really something." 

"But you said," Kasumi breathes, "you said that's not possible. You said you were never going to get better. You said you were going to die."

"With conventional medicine and cursed treatment, yes. But Mahito… it's not even healing. He just puts his hands on you." He swallows, and his throat bobs, fragile bone beneath the skin. "And he shapes you however he wants," he whispers, like a prayer. 

She remembers the pictures. Her breath catches in her throat. "But you'd be…"

“No,” he says quietly. “He can make people healthy. He just… doesn’t.” 

“Until you.”

“Until me.” 

The room falls silent. Kokichi stares sullenly at the far wall, escaped hair from his ponytail hanging lank over his face. His expression is only mostly steady. Every few seconds, irregularly, the corner of his mouth twitches. 

And Kasumi’s heart is devouring itself, her intestines writhing upwards to strangle her. She finds herself rocking back and forth on her stool, because she loves him, God, she loves him, but Mahito killed so many people and how could she, how could she love him when Mahito killed so many people? She thinks of Itadori, the raw grief on his face at the picnic, his dead friend - Mahito, again, and did Kokichi’s footage do that? And no wonder he looked so uncomfortable during the picnic, and no wonder he asked Itadori about Mahito - 

He'd asked how Itadori had beat Mahito. 

Basically we double-teamed him, Itadori had said. 

The sentinels, surrounding the dam - there were so many of them – and Kokichi said – Will explain when you get inside.  

And Kokichi said, I want to know how to deal with him if I ever have to take him down.

"Oh my God," Kasumi says, covering her mouth with both hands. "You're going to try and kill Mahito?" 

He glances up at her, startled. "How'd you know?" 

"Kokichi, that's suicide," she whispers. "Even Itadori and Nanami couldn't… those poor people…" 

He shrugs, the tiniest incline of his head and a dullness in his eyes. “If I can’t get rid of the problem I caused, it’s what I deserve,” he mumbles. 

Her heart seizes. “Don’t say that.” 

“Doesn't matter. He’s coming for me. End of October. I stopped feeding him information after the Goodwill Event went south, so he knows I’m gonna go to the higher-ups about his plans for Halloween, but I need him to heal me first. He needs me gone by the thirty-first. He heals me, and we fight.” 

“Tell someone, then.” 

“Who? Gojo? The higher-ups? What, and get myself executed for treason before I can even try fighting him? Or worse, used as bait?” He exhales. 

“They wouldn’t execute you,” Kasumi says weakly. “Not if you confessed…” 

“No. I’d have a mysterious seizure and suffocate on my own vomit in my sleep, or a shipment of life-saving medicine would go missing, or there’d be a gas leak. A sorcerer who’s proven himself capable of going rogue once will do it again - I’m a liability.”

“Gojo wouldn’t tell-”

“The higher-ups have their ways. They control every phone registered to a member of Jujutsu society, they read all the mail, their surveillance is... Trust me, I know.” 

“But you’re sick - you’d be better, you wouldn’t do it again, it was just because you were sick-”

“You feel like explaining that to Gakuganji?” 

She bites her cheek.  

He makes a quiet noise. “You shouldn’t feel the need to make excuses. I came clean because I wanted to. I was thinking about that, after what you said that night. About how selfish I’ve been. Fuck, I’ve been so shitty to you, lying all this time. Well, I'm done.” He closes his eyes. “I’m not gonna lie anymore. Not to you. Report me or don't. Whatever happens now, it's what I deserve." 

"But," Kasumi says quietly. "If I report you to the higher-ups, they'll kill you."

"So?" 

Her stomach goes cold. "So if you think that's going to happen, you're insane," she whispers fiercely. 

He hums resignedly. "Yeah. I figured as much." 

"A– and I get it," she adds, "I really get it. I get why you did all that. I don't really think I have the right to blame you for it. I don't think anyone has the right to blame you for it. Considering what he was offering, and what you've been through, and all." 

"Mm…"

"And… oh, I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't care," Kasumi says. "I don't care that you're a traitor or whatever and I don't care that you lied, I really just don't care! Okay? You baited Mahito and tricked him and you're already planning to kill him, and don't you deserve a chance at health?! And I don't care if that makes me biased, and I don't care if it makes me a bad person because I love you!" She clutches at the mattress so hard the tips of her fingers go numb. "Who'd you betray, the higher-ups? Fuck them! Let them all rot in Hell! I'm glad he offered you a cure! You deserve it! I'm happy you're gonna get better, I'm happy you did what you wanted, and I would really really appreciate it if you stopped moping and just let me kiss you already!" 

He's already smiling, already laughing even despite his now-perpetual wince of pain at her volume - eyes all too bright. "Ha." And his voice is choked, but full of warmth. "You beat me. I was gonna ask you out myself, you know. Once I was cured, and preferably, you know, devilishly handsome." 

"You're already devilishly handsome," she tells him. "Have you seen your eyes recently?" 

He looks away, grinning in embarrassment. "No."

"You're beautiful," she says - reaches for his cheek, and stops, not sure if she's allowed.

A robot moves behind her for the first time, reaches out an arm and guides her palm to his cheek. His whole body tremors at the touch. His skin is smooth and waxy and with little soft patches where there are scars, and she can't tell if the tears gathering in his eyes are of pain or joy, but he's fever-warm and alive. 

"Okay," he gasps, like this moment is made of glass and he’s trying not to break it. 

"Okay, what?" 

"Okay, you can kiss me. But - please. Be careful." 

And she is, and she leans across the bed, cradles his head and kisses him sideways. 

She does it gently, her lips barely brushing against his, breath feathering across her teeth, dry-cracked lips a landscape against hers. He flinches back, groaning - but he makes a desperate noise and hooks his arm around her. His arm is too weak to pull her down, but she, in turn, is too weak to resist. She finds herself pulled against him, kissed fiercely and there’s an iron tang in her mouth and then she’s folded into a sudden hug, and he’s clutching her like a lifeline, shaking with effort, burying his face in the crook of her shoulder, breath and skin hot on her neck. She doesn’t dare move, but her fingers move on their own across his hair, all at once too slick and too rough. 

“I love you," he chokes out. She hears in his voice the tension of pain and she thinks about how badly he must want this if it hurts that much and he still isn’t letting go. “Fuck,” he’s sobbing into her hair, and his sobs turn into a wretched coughing fit and back into sobs. He shakes violently with the effort of holding on. His voice shakes with him. “You're the best thing that's ever h - happened to me, Kasumi, I love you so much, I love you so, so, so much-” 

“I love you too,” she whispers back without thinking. She holds his head gently, closes her eyes and tries not to choke on tears of her own. “So, so much.”

When he lets her go, it’s with a gingerness that signals the consequences of his impulses finally catching up to him. Kasumi pulls back and he’s panting gently, eyes still on her. She’s panting, too, she realizes distantly. Her heart thuds and her stomach has started churning and her fingertips are numb. There are a few cold tears left on her cheeks, born from an emotion she can’t place. And she has no words left to put between them. 

A robot steps over and starts to examine his fingers and neck quietly, and he hasn’t stopped sobbing, but quietly, now, and more subdued, and his face is scrunched up in pain. Another robot gets a cloth to pat away his tears. “Sorry,” he says in a croaky voice - clears his throat awkwardly, coughs, winces, and laughs. “Ow. So embarrassing.”

“It’s okay,” she says, her heart so full of a million emotions that she can barely make a sound. She hesitates. An apology rolls back and forth on her tongue. “Did - did that hurt?”

“So fucking much, you wouldn’t believe,” he says, and grins breathlessly through his tears. “Let's do it again." 

Chapter Text

Sunday, September 30

31 days until Halloween 

Kokichi's got an almost cool-looking setup going on, with a tray folded out from who-knows-where to form a table that goes all the way around him. On it are notebooks, papers, handwritten sheets of lists with photos taped to them, like someone disassembled one of those red-string-boards and stacked it up on the table. He's sitting up for once, or rather reclining at a slight angle against a truly absurd amount of pillows, and his hair is tied away from his eyes in a loose bun that he keeps restlessly adjusting. Nevertheless he frowns at the papers with an air of focus and seriousness that Kasumi imagines he also wears while fighting. 

"Okay, so." A robot slides a sheet of pictures at her. "Take a look at this."

Kasumi takes it off the tray. Every picture is of a pale man with long, bluish hair, his face obscured but definitely marked with stitches that run up towards his eyes. He looks familiar. "What is this?"

"Those are drone pictures of Mahito." 

She almost drops the papers. "How did you get these?!"

"Surveillance bugs." He coughs. "I have tons of 'em. I've seen pretty much everything relevant to happen to anyone since last year."

Kasumi gives him a wide-eyed look and turns back to the pictures. "He looks so… human." 

"He thinks of himself as having manifested from the fear of humans, so that makes sense." A robot steps forward again to pick at his hair, and he clicks his tongue and makes a face. "Flip it over." 

She flips it over - and starts. "He looks familiar."

"That's Suguru Geto, if it helps you remember." 

"Suguru Geto? Like the guy who did the-"

"Night Parade, yeah."

"Isn't he dead?" 

"Yep. And still walking around. Someone was too much of a bleeding heart to dispose of the corpse." Kokichi's expression sours a little. "In any case, you know my situation. Geto will probably tag along as a handler when Mahito comes to seal the deal, and then I'll try to kill them if they don't try to kill me first. We fight. I'm going to use Simple Domain to neutralize Mahito's technique, and he's a little stupid so I'm confident that'll work, but I'm pretty sure I'll just have to take Geto with brute force. Admittedly, not a great strategy when we're talking about a guy who can go up against two special-grades at once." 

Kasumi swallows. "Aren't you only…"

"Semi-first-grade. Yeah. First and semi-first is kind of a bullshit distinction, but… special-grades are no joke." His mouth thins. "I have a lot of cursed energy stored up. It can fire at special-grade levels for short periods of time, and I'm banking on the idea that they'll be saving their strength for later - I hope it'll be enough."

Kasumi looks down at Suguru Geto, considered at one point the equal of Satoru Gojo, and then she looks up at Kokichi. All of a sudden he looks - well, he still looks like a cool spy, but he also looks like a severely ill teenager, bitterly preparing to die. She knows his disability has got nothing to do with his fighting ability but still… 

It's not going to be enough. 

"I can see your expression," he mutters, gaze skittering across the table, reaching for another page to move it seemingly at random. "But it's not like I have a choice. My best chance is to call for help, but treason is a capital offense, so it's a last resort if things turn sour during the fight." 

"Who could you even call?" 

"Gojo. I hacked Utahime's phone for his number."

Somehow, she's not even shocked at this point. "Can I have it?"

"What do you want it for?"

"In case." 

"Okay. I'll text it to you." 

She nods - pauses. "What if he doesn't answer when you call him?"

"Then I die." 

"Don't say that!" she cries, but swallows her next protest when he twitches. "Sorry." 

"S'okay, just the volume." He coughs. "Sorry. I was joking."

"What, about dying?" 

He glances pointedly at himself and gives her a slightly withering look. "Hard not to, at a certain point." 

"But you're not going to die, so please don't say that. Even as a joke." 

He breathes in as if to reply, but in the end he just twists up his mouth and makes a little humming noise. "Okay. Anyway, I'm hoping that my defeat of Mahito plus the information I have about their plans will help redeem me in the eyes of the higher-ups. Speaking of - there is one thing I need from you, if I do die. Which I won't! But we need a contingency." 

"A… contingency? For what?" 

"For Shibuya."

"What's the matter with Shibuya?" 

"Geto's group is planning to attack there. Probably right after they come to get rid of me." He has a robot reach over to adjust his bun again and coughs restlessly. "I'm not clear on the exact details, but no matter what, Gojo can't go there. It's a trap. You can't go either, but that's a given." 

Kasumi ignores the part about herself with a ferocity that could only come from denial. "You said he'd walk right into a trap. Besides, Itadori will definitely end up there and there's no way Gojo won't go if Itadori's in danger."

"He'll stay behind if he's not an idiot. The fate of the world's at stake. I'm serious." 

"The fate of the world?" 

"Well, yeah." He hums. "I mean, if I kill Geto, it won't matter anyway. Geto's always been a sorcerer eugenicist, but apparently he's gone full curse. Which is funny, because I'm pretty sure sorcerer eugenics is the only eugenics program in the whole world we'd both actually qualify for… but anyway…"

Kasumi can't help but laugh. "Is that really a consideration for you?"

"Of course not! It's just weird! He'll let my DNA in the gene pool but not an Olympian nonsorcerer?"

"Can't nonsorcerers have sorcerer kids? And vice versa?"

"Not usually vice versa, but it happens. And yes, sorcery appears spontaneously all the time. That's you and me. Unless you're secretly distantly related to Satoru Gojo, or something?" 

She snorts. "No." 

"Ahh, whaaat? A eugenicist is wrong and stupid? No fucking way, this has never happened before!" He clears his throat. "Well, though he'd allow me to father children under his glorious reign, I'm going to have to kill him. He's the lynchpin in their plan. I don't know exactly what it is, but it's important to them that Gojo not learn that Geto is back. They want to imprison Gojo and let curses run rampant over Japan and eventually probably the whole world." 

Kasumi feels her eyes grow wide. "The whole world? Really?"

"Yeah, he's on some supervillain shit, isn't he? What a freak." He sighs. "Well, I don't see a way past it, anyway. The guy's got no weak points. I mean, he's overconfident, don't get me wrong, but can you really call it overconfidence when he's basically a god? It'd be like an ant trying to kill a human being…"

"Wait, wait, wait, back up. Kokichi, you're gonna save the world?" 

He pauses. "I guess I never thought about it like that before."

"What do you mean?! How come?! How have you not thought about that before? You're gonna actually kill real life supervillains! That's insane!" 

"It's not like that," he protests. "I basically had a gun to my head and I wanted the cure, and I betrayed them and they conned me and now I either kill them or die, so it's not like I decided to kill them, it just kind of… happened. If I'm saving the world, it's for selfish reasons."

"Nobody has ever saved the world for unselfish reasons!" Kasumi retorts. "You're gonna be an actual world-saving hero, come on! Take advantage!" 

"Listen, that's only if I don't die first - and besides - are you even listening to me?" 

Kasumi is, indeed, not listening. "This is so cool!" 

He laughs. "It is, isn't it? We're a superhero combo." 

"Who's the sidekick?" 

"Neither. You're Oracle, yanno, working behind the scenes, making calls. I'm… Oracle as well but just because she's the only tech-themed superhero who works remotely I can think of at the moment." 

"You're Batman." 

"I am not!" 

"You so are! You even have a Batcave."

He snorts. "A bat-cave in my bat-dam, where I watch bat-anime on my bat-gaming-PC like a bat-hermit."

"At least you have a bat-girlfriend." 

"Touché. There's always that." 

Monday, October 1 

30 days until Halloween 

"What is going on?!" Momo demands, bursting into Kasumi's room without so much as a knock. "Miwa! What's the announcement? You gotta tell me, girl, I'm dying of suspense!" 

"Alright, okay, chill!" Kasumi swings upright on her bed and kicks her legs against the floor. She can't help but giggle at Momo's dishevelled excitement. "Is Mai here?" 

"She's-"

"Here. Dude, what's with the mystery text?" Mai's still holding her phone as she ducks through the doorway wearing sweatpants and with her hair messed up. "I was sleeping." 

Kasumi gets up and shuts the door behind her, unable to hide her grin. "I… did something big yesterday," she confesses. 

"Hoo boy," Mai says, and moves to sit on the bed. "Did our little Miwa finally learn to break the law?" 

"I - I did that months ago! No, listen, okay, shush, listen." She smooths her hair down, shifts from foot to foot. "Please don't freak out."

"Tell us, already!" 

"Okay, okay! I - I asked Mechamaru out." 

She could have heard a pin drop. 

Momo grows a huge, knowing grin, while Mai looks like she just watched Kasumi grow a second head. 

"And," Kasumi says, "he said yes!" 

"Dude," says Mai. 

"Miwa!" Momo cries, leaps up off the bed, grabs Kasumi and shakes her. "I knew it! You sly dog! Why didn't you tell us?!" 

"It wasn't planned!" Kasumi says, and her face starts to hurt from grinning. "I just - couldn't help myself, you know?" 

"Oh my God, tell me everything. What did he say? What did you do? You gotta tell me how the kissing thing works with the robot - did you kiss the robot? You did kiss, right?" 

"He - he was happy? I don't know! He just - yeah, we did kiss, and no, it wasn't the robot, Momo-" 

"So you saw him in person?" She lets go of Kasumi's shoulders to clap her hands over her mouth. "Miwa, you've been holding out on us! What does he look like, is he handsome?" 

"Yeah," Kasumi says. "I don't - yeah, he's really handsome." 

"Oh, you would say that, wouldn't you? You're in looove!" Momo claps. "You have to tell us something. At least what colour his hair is!" 

"It was black. And like, yay long?" Kasumi indicates a little past chin-length. 

"Oh my God! You're dating a vampire prince. A real life vampire prince, Miwa, I'm so serious. Was he tall?" 

Kasumi hesitates. "That's not really, um, applicable?" 

Momo bursts out laughing. "What is that supposed to mean?" 

"I don't know!"

"Okay, forget it. What did he do when you two kissed? Did he, like, sweep you off your feet properly? Was it awkward? Was he a good kisser? Wait, did he grab your waist?" 

Kasumi thinks of Kokichi flinching back when their lips made contact, and the way he'd grabbed her and held on for dear life as he wept into her hair. She thinks of how hot his skin was and his eyes crinkled in a smile, the musty smell of infection, his black hair curling across his face and how she'd had to bend down and twist to kiss him in the bed. "It wasn't really like that…" 

"So how was it? Who kissed who?" 

"It - I mean, neither of us, really, I asked and he agreed and then we just kind of… kissed?" 

"You asked before kissing him?" Momo cackles. "That is so you!" 

"I didn't know if I was allowed to touch him," Kasumi says, trying to explain. "I mean, he said I wasn't allowed without asking so - and he - I mean, it's…"

"He told you not to touch him? Like, specifically?" Mai speaks up for the first time. 

"Well, yeah," Kasumi says quickly. "He - it's just the way he needs to be treated, you know?" 

"Yeah, I mean sure, fuck, whatever. Just weird, that's all." 

"No, that's not what I mean - I mean, I just… I don't think he'd like me talking about it. I have to ask him first." 

"You have to ask him before telling your friends about your first kiss?" 

"You don't know it was my first kiss!" 

Momo and Mai give her the exact same look. 

"- okay, fine, it was my first kiss." ( Yess, Momo mouths, and pumps a fist in victory.) "But - it's not like that! If he doesn't want everyone at school to know what he looks like, it's not really my place to tell you guys all about it, okay? I asked him out, we talked about it a little, I asked if I could kiss him, he agreed, and we kissed and then hung out for a little while! That's all!" Kasumi finishes off panting. Her face is so hot, it must be bright red. 

"That is the least romantic description of a confession I've ever heard," Momo groans. "Come on, give me something to work with here!"

"I can't! It's not mine to tell." 

"Oh, fine! Fine," she says, with a light-hearted wave. "Well then, it looks like there's only one thing left to ask."

"What?" 

"When's the wedding?"

"Momo!" Kasumi's face flushes even hotter while Momo cackles. 

"Was he cool about it?" Mai asks. "Do anything weird?" 

"No, of course he didn't do anything weird! He was a total sweetheart." 

"Huh," she says, and chews on her lip. "If you say so." 

Tuesday, October 2 

29 days until Halloween 

"Are you sure that's enough? I can get you something else if you want." 

"It's just fine." 

"Are you sure? Because you haven't had dinner. I just wanna make sure you're eating enough. I don't want you to go to bed hungry. I can get you another-" 

"It's fine, Kokichi." She laughs. "If this isn't enough, I'll eat some late-night ramen or something." 

"That's not very nutritious."

"Neither is another chocolate croissant." She nudges him. 

"Okay, point taken." 

Their first date ever, originally planned for the early afternoon, has been pushed all the way to 6 p.m. due to missions. Kokichi was very apologetic, but it's not like it changes much. If anything, it's nicer - they found a café that closes late-ish, next to a bookstore, holed up at the bar while the lone barista makes Kasumi a chai, pumpkin and vanilla thing that she learned from Momo - decaf, and on Kokichi's dime, because he insisted. He avoids her eyes, she keeps looking at him and then looking away quickly when her nerves get the better of her. 

"I'm sorry again about the missions," he says, unprompted. He's fidgeting with his gloved hands, making dull clunking sounds as his fingers hit one another. "I wasn't expecting things to be this busy in early October. They usually quiet down a little and then spike near Halloween."

"I know. I did missions too, remember? And it doesn't matter as long as you're not too tired to go here." 

"I'm not. Missions are refreshing." 

"I thought you said you hated them."

"When'd I say that?" 

"Back when we first started talking, after the Goodwill Event. You were talking about how corrupt the higher-ups are."

"Oh. Huh. I don't recall." He bows his head. "I was in a bad place then. I'm sorry if I was rude to you." 

"It's okay. You weren't." Kasumi chooses carefully not to mention Mai. "So you don't hate missions anymore?"

"Well, it's complicated. It's what I'm meant to do, and it eases my symptoms. But seeing, you know, bodies and stuff…" He shrugs. "It's complicated." 

"No, I think I get it." 

The barista puts her latté down and calls, "Miwa?" She gets up to retrieve it, but Kokichi stops her with a hand on her shoulder and goes instead. The barista gives him a funny look as he picks it up, even with the mask and sunglasses covering his face. 

"But this isn't so bad," he continues, sitting down on the tall stool beside her and leaning his chin on his hand. "Buying time feeling good with you by doing missions. I don't mind it." 

"You feel good?" 

"Yeah, pretty good." 

She leans over and hugs him, because she can just do that now and she intends to cash in on it. He makes a noise of surprise, but leans in. 

"I'm glad," she says into his hoodie, smiling. "You deserve it." 

For a second he's silent. He clears his throat. "Thank you," he says, smiling. "Um, how's your latté?" 

She has to make an effort to extract herself from his embrace without falling off her stool. "Dunno! I haven't tried it yet." She takes a sip - and yep, that's what Momo promised: chai-y, vanilla-y, pumpkin-y goodness. "Mm. You know, it's kinda sweet. But really good!" 

"I'll have to try one someday. After - you know." 

"You should start a list."

He laughs. "Maybe I will. God, it's a relief to be able to talk about that." 

"For me too," Kasumi agrees. "It's nice to have, you know… I guess hope isn't the right word?" 

"A light at the end of the tunnel. That's how I've been thinking of it." 

"Well, don't say that! It makes you sound like you're going to die." 

He laughs, somewhat awkwardly, and doesn't look at her. Kasumi takes another sip of her latté, trying to ignore the burning dread in the pit of her stomach. "You won't," she says, quietly but fiercely. "You're going to win." 

"I'll try my best," he says, coughs and straightens up. "Anyway. What have you been up to, now that missions are off the table?" 

"Um… not much to be honest." Kasumi smiles sheepishly. "I've been catching up on some TV shows. Studying. Um, still practicing with my sword." 

"Yeah, I was wondering why you still carried that thing around. Even to my place?"

"Makes me feel safer, I dunno. I guess it can't hurt." 

"What shows are you watching?" 

"Don't laugh."

"I won't laugh!" 

"Friends." 

He laughs. 

"Hey!" She whacks him with her wrapped-up croissant and takes another sip of latté. "You promised!"

"I know, I know, I promised, I'm sorry." His laughing tapers off. "I promise I'm not laughing at you! I've watched it too! I watched the whole thing."

"Seriously? I thought you liked anime." 

"I watched a lot of TV as a kid. I doubt you could name a show or movie I haven't watched." 

"Clueless." 

"Watched it." 

"Valley of Dreams."

"Yep."

"Star Wars."

"Are you kidding?" 

"Roses in the Rain." 

He pauses. "Actually, I've never heard of that one. Is that a romance?"

"No, I made it up." Kasumi smiles. "I can't believe this. I thought you wouldn't like romantic movies or sitcoms." 

"I love romances!" he protests. "I just love Gundam more. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy Friends!" 

"That's true, that's true." She slurps at her drink. "What about Marvel movies?" 

"Yeah, I've watched all of 'em."

"All of them?" 

"Mm. A couple times. They're pretty fun." 

"You should talk to Momo, then. She's crazy about them." 

"Oh, believe me, I have. She's only there for Bucky Barnes." He shrugs. "Can't blame her."  

"Yeah, Sebastian Stan is pretty fine." 

"Really?"

"What?! He is! It's, like, objectively true." She squirms on her stool. "Like Gojo! You know? Everyone likes Gojo." 

"I don't like Gojo." 

"Yeah, but you're you. You don't like anyone." 

"I like you." 

"That's different!" 

"And Kamo!" he protests. "I like lots of people." 

"But not romantically." 

"No, that's true. I guess it is only you." 

She ducks her head, trying not to blush. "So, really only me? Not even anyone from the - the anime you like, or something?" 

"No!" He laughs. "Are you kidding? No!"

"Yeah, but…" She searches for a delicate way to put it, and ends up weakly saying, "uh, you know, fanservice." 

"Fanservice doesn't do anything. You can't be into someone if they aren't someone. If anything I'd be crushing on an actual character."

"Okay, that's just not true. I know Momo is into Sebastian Stan because of his 'abs and vibes.'" 

"Well, Nishimiya is crazy. Tell me you're not into Gojo just for, what, his blue eyes?" 

And the room goes hot. Kasumi hides her face and teases, "Maybe you're the one who's weird." 

"Everyone is crazy but me." 

"There's only one option left. I guess you'll just have to get ripped and steal Gojo's thunder." 

"Are you suggesting I go full Iron Man?" 

"Yeah, like Iron Man. You should grow a beard, too - hey, stop that! I'm serious. You'd look great! A beard and - and metal abs and a big glowing gem on your chest. Girls love big glowing gems." 

He cackles at that, tilts his head at her and draws his shoulders up, and she can picture his face, his eyes crinkling up, his shoulders shaking as he laughs himself into a breathless coughing fit and back again. 

"Oh, come on, it wasn't that funny," she protests, cracking up as well. 

"I know, I know, it's just -" He breaks off, coughs, laughs some more, coughs some more. "Metal abs - I'd have to sculpt them, it would take weeks -” 

I love you. She sips her drink to hide her blush. "You are such a nerd."  

Chapter Text

Thursday, October 4

27 days until Halloween

4:45 a.m. and I jolt awake, sweating and retching and shaking. It takes a minute - it always takes a minute - I box breathe and count on the first bot's fingers, ten cycles, trying not to throw up. I fail, and the heaving is worse than the nightmare. I'm seized and my stomach is churning and the back of my throat burns and my eyes water and my gut is dragged dry up through my throat. I go far away. 

Mornings. 

Heart rate 110 blood pressure 132 over 80, not good. Pain so bad I can barely think straight. Bones, wounds, head, stomach, back. Abdomen swelling, too, weird and tight and round and I am too full, push the blankets off, can't bear the touch of them. Double not-good. It's unwise but I try to ignore it. I try to close my eyes and sleep a little longer but I'm shivering, there's needles, there's a subcutaneous electric current, frying my skin off, the room spins violently, I'm drowning, there's someone in here with me, I bolt awake gasping for air, my lungs crackle when I breathe, my back itches. I am tired, I want to sleep, want to cry, want to lie here and fester, I don't want to have a bath, I don't want to change my dressings, I don't want to dread the end of the month.

I don't want to be strong now, but I am. It's at the hardest moments when I have to be the bravest, I tell myself. I can do this. I can get through today. Get the fuck up, Kokichi. Get up and get on with it. It's not going to get better unless you make it get better. 

I run my bath and take my stupid useless pain meds - wake up the bot in my dorm room at Jujutsu High so I can watch some TV. Making my way through TenSura again for what feels like the millionth time. Something I don't have to pay attention to. That takes the edge off for now, but it's not enough. I can't bear it. I have to bear it. 

I take as deep a breath as I can, and cough, and I do not let myself spiral into the bad thoughts. Not today, of all days. Not today. 

I measure out the salt and the bleach . I disconnect my IV lines. When the sun rises I'll remember that this is normal, but for now, I would like it to end, please. Pain meds have kicked in as much as they ever will. Time for my bath. 

The bath is more difficult every day. Stripping off my bandages hurts hurts hurts hurts more than there are words for and my wounds all burn and sometimes the pain's so strong I imagine people come into my room burn me poke me skin me please be over please be over I am crying and I am the one holding myself down I am being tortured and I am the torturer and I can't stand this and just one step at a time, won't be over until it's over, arms, chest, I exfoliate the wounds my mind goes blank and

When the bath is done and I am trembling from stress and exhaustion and the pain has faded but not enough, never enough - I try to remind myself that I actually rather enjoy not dying of sepsis so this is a good thing, and you know what? It kind of helps. Common optimism W. 

"I'm the one who'll be showing no mercy," says Tempest, and I decide that I'm sick of TenSura. Jojo's again, then. I debate a little bit on the part and end up going with Part 4. Usually I skip the Tonio episode, but not today. I want to imagine Mahito in his place, with a friendly Italian accent. Nothing makes me happier than a customer who enjoys his treason and becomes healthy! It's darkly funny. I probably shouldn't laugh. But I do. And then I have a coughing fit and there's a sharp pain in my chest and - 

- god damn it - 

I like to imagine my thoughts falling to colourful ribbons. Helps to have a sense of fun when things get too rough to do anything but lie there and take it. When I was younger I used to cry. I don't do that anymore. I just close my eyes and breathe. Even that is being taken away from me now. Slowly. 

I count my breaths anyway. Chin up, Kokichi, it'll be alright. Surrender to the burning. Scrape your shit together and do your wound care and you can maybe even watch the sun rise. You can do this. 

I manage to drag a robot up to the roof, pausing every once in a while to breathe. I gotta find a way to stop this wheezing before Kasumi comes over again. I don't want to alarm her. I'm alarming myself. When I hear myself wheeze there's a coldness in my stomach that doesn't belong to my disease and I think I don't want to die, I don't want to die. I remind myself that being afraid to die just means I love being alive. Every day it gets more true. 

Anyway, I make it to the roof. Barely. Just in time for the first round edge of the sun to come over the horizon and slash diagonal rays of light across the lenses of my mind's eye. It's something I'll never get used to, how the sun doesn't hurt. I can look right into the light and never feel a thing. 

I'm told the sunrise isn't the same on camera as it is in real life, but what would I know? Every time I see it rise over the trees, I'm just looking at the sky and how red it is and thinking, man, I can't believe I get to do this. Every time, it's just like that. 

Yeah, I think, as my heart radiates choking aching pain down my arm and my body tries to convince itself to throw up food that doesn't exist, as my skin and muscles and bones burn and ache and gnaw and my head pounds and my guts twist themselves into sharp knots. Yeah. Sunrises are pretty. I'm gonna see my girlfriend today. Mornings are hard, but life is good. 

After the sunrise I'm wiped enough to just stare at the ceiling, drifting in and out of fever-sleep. Grey stone ceiling, scrubbed clean weekly. It's a sight I've known for a while. Not much longer now. Speaking of which, I have my 00 mech to work on before Halloween, and I have to talk to Mai, and… the pain in my chest rises, but I'm too tired to groan. My thoughts fall to ribbons again. And it falls, and I'm itchy all over and ithurtsithurts too much to distract from and I just don't want to think about it anymore. The morning's pain has faded, but it's not over. It's never really over. 

I can never remember if it used to be this bad. I don't think it did. It used to be different - drifting through a fog of anxiety, yes, but I could breathe, even push myself upright in bed on good days. Now it's like I'm sucking air through a straw and the last time I used a robot to sit up straight I passed out and nearly cracked my skull open on the bedframe. I'm dizzy. My skin explodes into hot tingling. Am I going to have a panic attack? No, I'm not. I'm not. I can't afford to, so I won't - that's what I tell myself. Now think of something else, Kokichi, before you go insane. 

I text Panda asking him if he had any luck with yesterday's mission, but no response. He's probably busy. 

I put on an episode of some podcast, tune it out and close my eyes. In my dreams, I drown over and over, an alien turns me to ribbons of flesh and I hunt through the skies over Jujutsu High, I strangle the life out of Kamo but he doesn't stop crying and when I find Kasumi I reach for her and - wake up into a searing hot flash, struggling loudly for breath. 

I need oxygen. I'll set up those tanks before it gets much worse. Actually, that's another thing I have to do today. Ugh. So much to do and so little time. After class I'll work on giving 00 its final touches. 

I try and fail to sleep until I'm forced to get up by the time. Well, 'get up.' I haul my robot out of my dorm room and go to class, and by class I mean taking a nap in my seat. The morning fog is lingering a little more than usual. Am I getting worse? I think I'm getting worse. What if I die before Mahito gets here? Is my heart racing faster than normal? Is my breath shorter than normal? Is this the heart attack, the stroke I've been waiting for? No, I'm going to have a panic attack - No, Kokichi, be calm. Please be calm. I don't listen to anything Utahime is saying - learned the math she's teaching when I was twelve - but she makes for better background noise than my podcast. In my workshop I fiddle with 00's cell service, which I don't really understand, to be honest, was never really into network configuration. 

Panda answers my text, saying his mission was okay, but he got a little busted up. I tell him to feel better soon. He sends me an impact font meme that looks like it was made in 2010 and screenshotted to hell and back. Good old Panda. 

Kasumi is sitting beside me, casting the occasional glance my way. She looks so cute today, eyes wide and deep blue and a little wrinkle of thought in between her eyebrows. I don't know why she keeps attending class with her cursed energy gone for who knows how many years, but I'm thankful for it. Today - I will make time for her, somehow. We'll hang out after class. It's only 9:30. I'm beyond frantic today, and tired. So goddamn tired. Just gotta get through the day. 

"Kokichi?" 

Someone knocks on the head of the robot. 

"Kokichi, wake up." 

I was asleep? Whoops. "Kasumi?" I mumble, and lift the robot's head, already smiling, already diving back into my life. "Hey. G'morning." 

"Good morning." She gives me a kiss on the head, and my breath hitches, this time because the joy is so strong in my chest. She is looking at me and we're dating and life is so so so good. "Utahime and Mai left." 

"Oh." 

"You gonna get up?" 

"Nah, I'm taking up permanent residence." I get up, push my chair under the desk and give Kasumi a gentle hug. She hugs me back. Her hair is a little frizzy today and she's soft. Fuck, I love her so much. "Thanks for waking me up." 

"Sure. Me and Momo are gonna go hang out and get something out of the vending machines. You wanna come?"

"Can't," I say, and clear my throat. "Sorry. Got a couple missions." 

"Oh." Disappointed. "Well, text me later if you wanna hang out, okay? No pressure if you're tired."

I could never be too tired for you. "Sure. I don't know, today's looking like an alright day so far." 

"Really? That's, like, three good days in a row!" She grins at me, bright, happy, beautiful. "That's awesome!" 

"Yeah," I say. “Thank you. It's been… I think it's gonna be a good month.” 

She stares at me, and for a second I think I’ve said something wrong, but then I notice she's smiling. She opens her mouth to say something - shuts her mouth, shakes her head, and wraps her arms around me again. “I’m glad,” she breathes into the side of my school jacket. “I’m really, really glad.” 

It really is strange, I think in the car on the way to the mission. I’ve never been worse and I’ve never been better. On the one hand, I'm dying, and every second of every day I'm reminded of it over and over again. But every day I wake up and I think that I have something to look forward to - a social life, and maybe a way out of this mess. People around me. I’ve always had people who cared about me, but this is - this is just different. I'm not lonely anymore. It's like I’m growing to fit my clothes, like finally my life is starting to make some sense. I’m starting, in short, to feel like a real person. And that’s… a good feeling. 

A good feeling except when it’s not. Except when it’s - well, it’s today, and as much as I asked Utahime not to mention it, and as much as I’ve been careful not to let anyone know, my heart keeps the score. I don’t want to look. I’ll admit it - I’m scared of what I’ll find. I’m scared that Mama will be a crying mess. I’m scared that Dad won’t look her in the eyes. And I’m scared that maybe they just went on this year and had a big happy family night without me, just like I'm growing up without them. 

The mission goes smoothly. Second-grade holed up in an old house. Nothing to write home about. I feel better once it’s done. Time for more pain meds, regardless, before the last dose wears off. Enjoy the sense of peace. I may be struggling to find a position that doesn't make my spine feel like it's having a hot poker shoved through it, but at least I'm not having a panic attack. Am I? No, I'm not. Part of life is learning to appreciate that you're not being actively tortured as much as you could be. 

“Miwa hasn’t been with you,” Sugimoto says as I return to the car. “She okay?”

“She got sick,” I say. “It isn’t safe to bring her.” 

“Oh no! I hope she’s doing okay.” 

“She’ll be fine.” Physically, at least, and thank god for that, too. “We, um… we got together, actually.”

“Congratulations!” she says, and smiles at me, and I smile back even though she can't see it. "You're one lucky guy!" 

I'm torn between excuse me, what the hell is that supposed to mean? and yeah, I know. But I don't say either of them. I say, "Thank you." 

I manage to drift off to sleep on the ride back, what with the relaxation that comes after a mission and the painkillers kicking in. It’s not much, but I really needed it. I don’t have any nightmares this time. 

When Kamo asks, "How have you been?" I can never tell if he's being genuine or going through the motions. This might be one of the few times I'm not lying when I say, "Pretty good!" Relatively, at least. I am still in bad shape, but being in bad shape is boring. At a certain point, if only to preserve my sanity from the sheer monotony, I have to start lying about it. 

He gives me a funny look. I must have sounded like I meant it. "Really?" 

"Yeah," I say. "Really. How about you?" 

He makes a noncommittal little shrug. "Not bad." So, not good. And as we head for the training ground - "How was your mission today?" 

"It was fine. Not fun, but, you know how they go. Did you have anything?" 

"A first-grade with Nishimiya. It went somewhat sideways." 

"Oh shit. I'll go easy on you, then," I joke. 

He rolls his eyes. "You haven't had a chance at beating me since you got here." 

"Sez who? I'll kick your ass!" 

I don't, of course. While in terms of raw power I surpass Kamo, he's got me beat in sheer technique. So I spend the next hour dodging volleys of arrows, practicing various hand-to-hand takedowns, and drilling agility and reaction speed. Whatever happened on that mission, he fucked up his left leg but is trying to pretend he didn't, probably so he doesn't get benched. Can't say I approve, but I know from experience that saying something won't get me anywhere. Not with Kamo, the crazy bastard. 

Benefits of robot fighting: no sweat. While Kamo is chugging water in his damp uniform, I'm leaning on the side wall, laughing at him while he casts irritated looks in my direction. "You would be sweating too, if you were here."

"But I'm not here, am I? Enjoy the bruises!" 

He grumbles something unbefitting of the head of the Kamo clan. I gasp, deeply and horribly offended. He shoots a blood pellet at me that splatters onto my head with a hollow noise, and I cackle and flee. Training starts again in earnest, but this time, it's target practice for Kamo and dodging practice for yours truly. 

Maybe I'm not in as good of a shape as I thought today. Around minute 25, my eyes start drooping, and around minute 40 I can barely force myself to stay awake, to move the robot's arms and legs. I'm getting that familiar feeling, like I'm being crushed under several thousand tons of rock. I heave for breath and swelter in my own fever, turn on the fan and turn it off when my face erupts in hot-cold-raw needles. I guess I've pushed myself too hard. Again. 

"You're slowing down," Kamo says after three arrows in a row find their targets, and he stops shooting at me. It isn't a question. 

I mean to argue, but I barely have the energy to make an annoyed, slightly strangled noise. I swallow, gather myself and try to be honest for once. It's something I'm working on. "I'm… getting tired. I think. Bad day." 

"I thought you said you were doing well." 

"Not that kind of doing well," I say. My voice is slurred. Fuck me, he can totally tell. 

"Normally you can tolerate an hour of training without tiring."  

Yeah, funny you should say that. The thing is, I'm dying, so forgive me if things change a little bit. As I get closer to freedom, the sickness only closes in around me. I've had trouble thinking about anything else lately, and my thoughts repeat themselves without variation, endlessly. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever go a day without thinking of my health. I shrug, and laugh a little, though it hurts. "I know. I was there." 

"Are you alright?" He puts his bow down and steps towards me, as if a closer look at the robot will tell him anything useful. 

"I'm-" I cough. And I try to sound like I'm recovering, but the coughing just doesn't stop, and I forgot to mute myself but I can't very well do it now without freaking him out so both of us are subjected to the end of my coughing fit, and the undignified sounds I make trying to regain my breath. 

Excellent timing, truly. Good to know my failing organs have a sense of humour. 

Kamo's hand is on my shoulder. "Mechamaru? Perhaps you should take a break." 

"Yeah," I rasp, and drop to the ground on the spot. 

From the look on his face - surprise, then a concerned frown - he was expecting me to argue. I deactivate all but my sensing and speaking functions and try to breathe past the crackling in my lungs. My heart is way, way too fast. I'm floating, behind my head - dissociating, I think, there's a word for that - listening to myself struggle for breath. From a detached point of view I now realize that I sound like I'm being strangled to death. No wonder Kamo looks alarmed. 

He crouches beside me. "How long have you been having difficulty breathing?" 

Oh, great. This again. "Not… not too long. But I'm - I'm on antibiotics, and they're working. I'll be fine." The frown doesn't go away. "I'm serious. I'll be fine. Wipe that look off your face, you look like an idiot." 

"Ieiri hasn't been to see you. Where did you get the antibiotics?"

"Your… mom. Last night." 

He doesn't look impressed. 

"Okay, fine. Shoko prescribed them to me over the phone," I lie. "Happy?"

"No. You shouldn't be pushing yourself this way. You don't need the training." 

I close my eyes and try to figure out a way to explain to him that I just want to have fun, surely a foreign concept to him, and that the training is just an excuse because he's my friend. "Kamo… I really don't need this right now." 

And, shockingly enough, he closes his eyes, swallows, and nods. "My apologies. I know. I am only trying to be of some use to you." 

I almost laugh. What a ridiculous guy. We've known each other for how long? And he still feels the need to say my apologies like I'm a guest he's trying to impress. It does make me feel better. Like he doesn't think I'm stupid, just looking for a way to help. Just like everyone else. And yeah, it occurs to me that I'm a pretty lucky guy for that, and to enjoy it while it lasts, before he rightfully votes to have me put down for treason. 

"I'm sorry." It escapes me before I can stop it, and then I shake my (robot's) head. No use, idiot. He doesn't even know what I'm apologizing for. At least my heart is calming down a little. 

He opens his mouth and inhales, as if he's about to say something, but in the end he just pats my shoulder awkwardly. Good old Kamo. 

"Do you have another mission today?" he asks. 

"Mhm." One that I hope will set me free from the grave I've dug myself. 

"Perhaps you should ask Sugimoto to take you early."

That's probably a good idea. "Mhm." 

"You… don't sound well, Mechamaru." I'm worried about you, Mechamaru. 

Yeah. For reasons I can only guess at, Kamo has taught himself to read my tone of voice creepily well and appointed himself vice-chairman of telling me to take care of myself (the chairman is Utahime, in case you were wondering). Which is rich, coming from him. How many hours of sleep did he get last night after bleeding himself dry? My money's on four or less, studying his stupid English, trying to be so much better than he is that he finally stops being who he is. Trust me, it's not gonna happen. Unless you make a deal with Satan, too. God, I'm not making sense. Thoughts… ribbons…

"Mechamaru?" 

I manage a grunt. "Sorry?" 

Kamo puts a hand on my shoulder. "You should take your mission now."

I hate you wars with thank you. "Yeah." 

I manage to stumble through it - a harmless semi-second-grade creature in a forest somewhere. I do feel a little better after I burn it, I guess. Enough to sleep in the car again. And after I get back. 

"At three fifty-six p.m., Kasumi says: Hey. Do you want to come hang out with me, Mai and Momo? Three. Would you like to respond?" 

I chuckle a little at my screen reader's attempt at Kasumi's cat smiley face. Never fails. My chuckle turns into a wet cough, but meh. 

"Yes."

"What would you like to say?" 

"Hey, thank you, maybe in a bit."

"Your message reads, 'Hey thank you maybe in a bit.' Would you like me to send it?" 

"Yes."

"Sent." 

I'm busy, after all. Unfortunately, no matter how much it scares me, I have to check. I have to know. 

The little drone stationed in Mama and Dad's apartment doesn't get a lot of use, these days. It takes a second to reach out to it - touch its sensors with my mind and flex each tiny control, just to make sure everything's working before I dive in properly. Then I find myself in my hiding place in my old bedroom, the realm of darkness and all of my early memories. They never did manage to move away. Never could tear themselves away, and six years later their grief is still strangling me. 

Out of my old bedroom, then, and I see them. They're curled up all together watching a movie. Yuki, eyes glued to the television, and Mama is resting her head on Dad's shoulder, and Dad's hand is in Yuki's. The movie is - I choke on my breath and cough, trying to get the feeling out of my lungs. Because the movie is the Iron Giant. One of my favourites as a kid. I've caught them during the scene where Hogarth shows the Iron Giant comic books.

A big happy family movie night with me. For me. 

I'm a pretty shitty son, aren't I? But it wouldn't be worth much to them, having me come back just to get killed a month later. If I survive Mahito, I'll tell them the truth. And if I don't, well, it won't matter. 

It has occurred to me before that the Iron Giant is an ironic choice for my favourite movie. The more I look into my childhood, the more I see robots, toys and machines, drawing one big bright line through all my fascinations. My imagination was full of metal men, dreaming of the inventions that would eventually become my independence. I couldn't have known until Shoko found me, what my technique was. But even so, it's always been built into me. Deep, deep in my self, I'm meant to do this, to pilot and build drones and mechs. It's as easy as breathing - easier, now. 

That makes me think about fate sometimes. I'm not really religious, but it's impossible for me not to believe in some kind of something. Even if it's probably evil. Am I really supposed to believe that there's some sort of scientific explanation for all this bullshit I've seen in the past six years? For the way my life seems to rhyme with itself? I don't know anymore. None of it makes sense. This apartment is surreal, like it's somebody else's home. The ten-year-old Kokichi in the pictures on the walls, who lived here with his parents and forced his dad to build Gundams and Lego sets for him, can't possibly have grown up into the Kokichi who kissed the prettiest girl at Jujutsu High in the middle of an abandoned dam. 

And then, half-waking from the dream of my life, I think - am I fucking crazy? 

What am I doing here? In this damp dam, with no access to doctors who know how to handle my condition, with no medicine except what I've managed to smuggle in? It's not safe, it's not sane. What if something goes wrong? I'm clearly going into heart failure and all I can do is ignore it, I can't - I can't do this, I'm sick. I need to call Mama and beg her to come pick me up, wrap me in blankets and take me home so they can keep me in my room like a helpless little pet or a house plant, feed me and pet me, help me survive what I've done to myself.

But even as I think that, it's more like I'm only pretending to think it. This is real, and I'm going to see it through. I am not a vegetable. I am choosing to live, and I have to believe I'm not crazy. It's the only thing I have left. 

"Suuuuupermaaan," the Iron Giant rumbles.

Yuki shifts. "Dad, can I have apple juice?" 

Dad chuckles, a familiar sound, and pats her on the head. "Sure, kiddo. You want a straw?"

"Curly straw?"

"You got it. Want anything, honey?"

"More popcorn?" Mama asks, her voice dim.

"Sure." He kisses her quickly, touches my picture on the wall and leaves. 

And all of a sudden my heart just hurts too much to bear and I flee back into my room and cut myself loose from the drone. I come to in my room, panting and heaving, with tears cold on my cheeks. I'm all alone, and I can't tell if I'm gasping for breath or crying. Panic attack? Cold and buzzy feeling grasping at my chest, my back, it hurts, I'm sick, itchy, the room sent spinning like I've been hit with a concrete beam. I take a deep breath, a deep breath, but the breath doesn't come and I gasp and I choke and my heart, already weak, is thudding off-beat and squeezing and I can't breathe and I'm scared, my heart overtaxed, what if it stops, I don't want to die! I breathe, and I breathe, shallowly as if through a straw. The feeling doesn't go away and I say to myself it won't go away even if I do everything right and I try to breathe and I wish it was over, I wish it was over, I wish it was over. 

Calm. Calm. I need to be calm. I can help myself if I just don't freak out and keep my head on my shoulders. I try to turn my thoughts away from blood clots and ventricular fibrillation and focus on what I need. Air and a distraction. You can get through this, Kokichi. You've done it before. It's at the hardest times that you have to be the most brave. 

I initiate my dictation software, a flick of a mental switch. "What would you like to do?" the voice asks in my head.

"Text Kasumi," I say. My voice comes out unexpectedly croaky. 

"What would you like to say?" 

"Hey, Kasumi. Period. I-" I try to scrape my thoughts into some kind of order. "...could use some company at my place, if you feel up for it. Period. No pressure." Another wave of pain is starting to rise in my chest and tingle in my skin. I grit my teeth and take breaths as deep as I can, even as my heart speeds up again, much too fast. It'll pass. It'll pass. Just surrender. 

"Your message reads, 'Hey Kasumi. I could use some company at my place if you feel up for it. No pressure.' Would you like me to send it?" 

"Yes," I grit out. 

"Sent." 

She replies a few seconds later. Probably with lots of exclamation marks, though the screen reader can't inflect for shit. I add them in my head for style. "Sure!! I would love to!! Should I come over now?" 

"Yes," I reply. I already feel relieved just knowing she's online and listening to me. I'll have to pay her back for the train fare, don't want to put any more strain on her already-tight finances, no matter how small. Should I feel bad for using her as a crutch? Maybe. But I did say no pressure, so I hope that absolves me somewhat. My heartbeat is slowing a little and the palpitations subsiding. See? Just a tiny little wave of anxiety. I'm fine. I can rest before Kasumi gets here and it'll all turn out. 

Before she arrives, I finally haul those oxygen tanks out of storage and hook myself up to a cannula. It scrapes at my ears and the inside of my nose and it takes a second to get the pressure and concentration right, but I feel better pretty much right away. Just gotta remember to breathe through my nose. Painkillers again, too. And remember to buy some foam covers for the cannula before it scrapes off the skin behind my ears. 

It's a relief not struggling for air while I try to sleep, almost enough that I don't think of Mama's face. I sink gratefully into the darkness. 

I bolt awake - jangling nerves and taking a few gasping, heaving breaths, a wet coughing fit and a loud metal noise - perimeter alarms - Mahito Mahito Mahito - no, it's Kasumi. It's just Kasumi. She's crossed into the slight curtain surrounding my place, and I can see her fragmented into different views through sentry eyes, a little crease of worry between her eyebrows. 

I bring a sentry out of position to walk alongside her, cock my head at her. She walked all the way here? 

"Oh," she says, and the crease disappears. "You're awake! I texted you but you didn't answer! I thought something might have happened!"

Oh. I bow deeply, trying to apologize without words. 

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're alright. Were you napping?" 

I nod.

"You've been sleepy today."

Yeah, she doesn't know the half of it. I nod again. 

"Well, I hope you feel better soon." 

Hah. I point at her, give a thumbs up. You make me feel better. 

She grins. "You're a cheeseball." And the warmth in my chest forces a grin in kind. 

I bring her to the top of the dam and guide her, again, down to my room. Hand her off from the unreal outside avatar of my robot, into the door of my room, where the sound transitions abruptly out of my mind's eye as the door closes to my right. 

"Hey, sleepyhead," she says. 

The thing about seeing her in person is it fucking hurts. Every noise she makes scrapes against my head. When she moves, trying to focus my eyes on her causes a splitting migraine. Touching her is worse because it's agony but I want her. And fuck, I feel like such a creep for that. Which is stupid, because we're dating. 

So considering all of that, it should be clear just how much I love her, because when I hear her voice my face splits into a wide, bright grin. "Kasumi." 

She comes around the corner - sword still strapped to her belt for moral support, blouse that I know is blue but looks green because of the light, tiny pendant, hair a little dishevelled from the trip up. She smiles at me. I smile back and feel like crying. She comes over and leans over me, and I push her gently down into a kiss. It burns. It fucking burns and aches and presses and it feels like she poured acid over my mouth and I push harder and my stomach churns and flutters and I want I want I want I want, but I can't have. 

Not yet. 

I go back and forth on whether I'll survive fighting Mahito. Sometimes it feels downright impossible - most times it's easier to just pretend like I'm going to die. Easier than the wondering and waiting and hoping. But times like this I look up at her, how she's smiling in the dim light, and I realize that I have to survive. I have to survive so that I can kiss her properly. 

Getting too excited, embarrassingly enough, made me nauseous again, and my heart is pounding again in the fun-not-fun way that makes me worry it'll stop altogether, and the wanting is back and it's a deep ache and nausea that makes me want to stuff my face into the pillow and scream because there isn't anything I can do about it. I will not throw up I will not throw up I will not throw up. I gag a little bit. I don't think she notices. 

Her eyes, though blurry and indistinct in my real-life vision, flicker across my body, and I resist the urge to shift and hide myself, my swollen stomach and my twisted legs. "Hi," I say, and reach for her hand. She closes her hands over mine. So hot. It burns. I try to ignore it, but my breathing and my arm jerking involuntarily gives me away. She lets go. 

"Why do you do that?" she asks. 

"Because I - I like it." Okay, so maybe I'm not as coherent as I would like to be. 

"Okay." She kisses me on the forehead. This time I'm anticipating it and I breathe through the pain and the shudder of happiness. Just don't fight it and it's easier that way. Better if she does it. 

"Can I tell you something?" I say. 

"Of course."

"Today is my birthday. I'm eighteen." I try to taste eighteen on my tongue and feel it in my body. Feels old. Big. Independent. I do not feel any of these things, but it's nice to imagine. 

"What? Why didn't you tell me? I don't have a present!" She brushes my hair out of my eyes, oh so gently. 

"It's okay. I wasn't -" I have to break off to cough. "I wasn't planning on telling anyone." 

"Do you want me to sing you Happy Birthday?" 

"Under no circumstances do I want that."

She does it anyway, giggling the whole time, trying to stuff the syllables of my name where they don't fit - Happy birthday, dear Kokiiii-chiiii… and getting all the notes wrong. When she's finished, she mimes silently cheering and clapping, and I laugh. 

"You can have cake and candles after Mahito gets to you," she says. "What's your favourite type of cake?" 

"Oh. Wow. Um…" I try to think back to the last time I had cake. It's years ago, now. At least three or four years, probably more like seven or eight. "I don't remember. I don't think I've ever had ice cream cake, though." 

"Ice cream cake it is. Chocolate ice cream cake." Her eyes light up. "Actually, wait, I have a present for you." 

"Oh? You do?" 

"Yeah. Close your eyes."

Obligingly, I close my eyes. "Don't kiss me by surprise."

"Don't worry, I won't." There's a slight jingling. "Okay, open your eyes."

I open them. She's holding her necklace out to me - a tiny, delicate chain with a blurry blob at the end. I take a look at it with a robot. It's a sunflower pendant. "Happy birthday." 

Oh. "That's yours," I say quietly. "I can't take that. I can't wear necklaces."

"Mechamaru can wear it." She gets up and hooks it around the neck of robot two, and I make a mental note to use that one as my main helper from now on. "It's a little bit of nature in your room. To help you prepare for the real thing."

"Kasumi?"

"Mhm?"

"You're perfect. I love you so much." I offer her my hand. 

"You're perfect and I love you so much," she says, and takes it. Ow.

"Is there anything you wanna do? A movie you want to watch, or a date you always wanted to go on… anything at all?" I know I don't have to specify, anything within my limits. God, I love her. 

Kasumi thinks for a while. "The zoo," she says eventually. "I always wanted to go to the zoo." 

"Soon," I say. "I'll take you to the zoo." 

"Okay! I'm excited." She smiles. "For now, what do we do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" 

We stare at each other, laugh and break eye contact. God, she's so cute, I just want to grab her and kiss her and shake her and I don't even know what to do with myself. 

"Come on. Our last date was basically all for me, right? A café? You get nothing out of it."

"I got to spend time with you!" 

"And I'll get to spend time with you. Listen, what if I read to you?" Kasumi asks. "My mom used to read to me when I was sick." 

"Okay. What do you want to read?"

"What do you want to read?" 

"Oh, unfair!" I rack my brain for something she might like, but the truth is, I don't read a lot. Nothing with mechs or robots, I decide. Not today. Come to think of it, Dad used to read to me, too. He liked fantasy, he liked… "A Wizard of Earthsea?"

"What's that?" 

"It's a story about a wizard. Of Earthsea." 

"What's Earthsea?" 

"It's this, um…" I hesitate, trying to remember. "...big land full of islands, and there's magic. I think I have a copy." I know I have a copy. Dad thinks it's missing. The truth is, I took it when I left, along with my childhood stuffed animals Cookie and Kate, and my favourite soft blanket. 

"Okay! We can give it a try." 

I take my hand out of hers so I can focus and rummage in the back room for a while. Earthsea is in a box, underneath Kate and some other books I forgot I had here. I have to remember to move Cookie and Kate and the blanket out before I bust Unit 00 out of here and destroy the whole dam. 

I bring it into the suite and pass it to Kasumi, who turns it over and over in her hands. "How long have you had this?"

"It was my dad's."

"Oh, wow. Okay. I'll be careful." She opens it up and clears her throat, already scanning the first page. She tucks her hair behind her ear, and she looks so beautiful. What did I ever do to deserve her? 

She glances up at me, and I can tell she's blushing from the look on her face. "Close your eyes! I can't focus if you're staring at me." 

"Alright, alright!" I laugh, close my eyes and listen. 

"The island of Gont, a single mountain that lifts its peak a mile above the storm-racked Northeast Sea, is a land famous for wizards…"

She reads until I get too tired to listen, and then some. One hand on the book on her lap, the other over my mattress. The pain in my chest and stomach rises and falls, I cough, my limbs twitch. Without any activity to change my behaviour, it all feels like a slowly repeating pattern, like my body's a machine trying to turn its rusting cogs around and around as it breaks down under its own weight - don't think about it. Think about Kasumi's hand over yours and the burning pain that means she's with you. Think about Ged, and Gont, and the cool water of the falls that you've never felt yet , but you will, soon enough, that's a promise you'll make to yourself, Kokichi, you're a fighter, you were born to fight, so fight, fight as hard as you can, tooth and nail to live, to keep living…

The world falls pleasantly apart, and I'm in my old bedroom and I'm in a forest and a classroom and I'm in a sky full of stars, and I'm warm, and I'm twelve years old and in surgery and Yuki is looking wide-eyed at me and I'm tired… and I'm tired… 

Kasumi's breath prickles painfully at my forehead, and she kisses the air above me. "You asleep?" 

"Mmhm," is all I can manage through the haze. 

"It's getting late. I'm gonna head home." 

"...Need a ride?" 

"I think I'll be okay. I'll see you tomorrow, Kokichi. I love you. Happy birthday." 

"Mhm. Love you. Happy birthday." 

She giggles. "My birthday is in April, silly." Her footsteps leave, and the door closes behind her, and I'm already drifting again. I linger in that warmth for a while. Then I sigh, and I get on with bedtime - setting up my meds overnight, oxygen and injections and changing into new clothes and everything else. I use the second robot. The pendant around its neck clinks quietly as I measure out my medication. 

Yeah. Maybe life is good. 

Chapter Text

Interlude I: Mai

Friday, October 5

26 days until Halloween

"Hey." 

I turn. It's Mai. I turn away. 

"I said hey." Unfortunately, my escape's not to be. She grabs my arm (rude, but I don't know what I was expecting) and yanks me back into the shadows of the alley behind the gym. When my sensors adjust to the light, she's already glaring at me. Fucking great; I already feel a headache coming on at whatever stupid conversation I'm about to have. 

"What," I say. 

"We need to talk." 

"I disagree."

"We need to talk," she says again, and she's still gripping my arm. Briefly, I go back and forth - rip it out of her grasp and risk breaking a finger or two? Or suffer through this conversation? I'm pretty sure Shoko's still up in the medbay training Nitta so it's not like she'd have to wait for it to heal… 

But, ugh, no. I hate this school. 

"What about?" I ask, resigning myself to getting chewed out for some stupid bullshit. 

"You're dating Miwa."

And for a second, that stuns me silent. Tingles go up and down my spine, and not the bad kind, and I try not to smile because yeah, I am dating Miwa, and there's nothing Mai Zen'in can do to ruin my day. 

And then I think, how do you know that?  

"So it's true," Mai says. 

"What?"

"You didn't deny it. It's true. You guys are dating. You kissed or whatever." 

Before I can think twice, it's out of my mouth. "Yeah, so what if we are?" 

"Why'd you get together after she screamed at you? You know, I've never seen her get mad like that at anybody." 

A stab of - of something that I'm pretty sure is an emotion and not a symptom drives itself through my stomach. "Well, it is," I say. "I was trying to help, and she got mad at me. We're all good now." 

"Help with what, her missing cursed energy? You know what happened, don't you? How exactly are you-"

"What is the point of this conversation?" I ask before she can interrogate me further. 

"Did you tell Miwa to tell me and Momo that everything's cool between you two?" 

"No."

"Liar."

"I'm not fucking lying, you can ask her if you want. I don't know why you're even talking to me." Her grip has thankfully loosened. I yank my arm out of her grasp. 

"Then why won't you explain anything?" Mai says, her nose wrinkling on the verge of a snarl. Yeah, sure, disgust. Big surprise, from her. "Why won't she tell us what happened to her cursed energy either?" 

"Maybe she knew you'd be shitty about it, just like you always are." 

A sharp laugh. "You are such an asshole." 

"Speak for yourself. It's impossible to have a conversation with you." 

"I don't get why you hate me so much," she snaps. "I don't get why everyone in this school is a fucking asshole." I have to stop myself from repeating, speak for yourself. That stab of feeling has evolved into a sort of spiky shape that's burrowing into my chest. 

"I hate you because you clearly hate me," I say, and man, does it feel good to say it out loud. I hate you. I almost want to say it again. 

"I don't clearly hate you, dude! At least I didn't until you randomly screamed at me!" 

The spiky feeling stabs outwards abruptly, and my nausea spikes. I have to take a long breath and pull myself out by a few units' connection so I don't throw up. Great, I guess we're talking about this now. Remember to breathe in through the nose. "Because you were mocking me," I say. "And being disrespectful. I asked you to stop." 

"Mocking you?! In what universe was that mocking anyone, never mind you?!"

"Oh, fuck off. You know exactly what you did." 

"Real classy," she says. "Real fucking classy, Mechamaru. For your information, the world doesn't revolve around you, so actually, I don't know what I did, but even if I did know, I'd probably do it again. Prick."

"You are such a bitch." 

A strangled laugh. "I don't get it! Why the hell do you even care that much about some stupid pictures?" 

And I don't quite know why I say it. Maybe it's Kasumi. Your hair is so long, I like it, she says in my head with a voice like cool water. Embarrassing isn't the word that comes to mind. I so badly want to believe it's Kasumi. But I know it's because in twenty-five days, it won't matter either way. So I say it. 

"Because they reminded me of my body." 

I mean to snap it, like I didn't wanna say this but you made me, so-there, but it comes out softer than I want it to. Spasms ricochet up and down my spine. I try not to react, breathing deep, but I regret speaking almost instantly. 

I watch her face change. Her nose wrinkles, her eyebrows draw together - disgust, maybe? Horror? Or confusion? And the spikes in my chest grow white-hot, and I think, yeah, I don't know what I was expecting. But then there's something different. Her face goes slack and then I can't read it anymore. 

"Fuck, dude," she says in a low voice. "That's really fucked up." 

I bite down hard. I don't know what I wanted, but it wasn't that. "It's my life," I say. 

"Yeah, so? That's fucked. That's… so fucked." 

"So it's my life, Mai. It's fine. I mean, it's not - it's not fine, but it's fine. You don't get to decide that my life is freakish, okay? It's my fucking life and I'm living it and it's every day, I'm not a fucking circus animal, I'm not a - a - a fucking charity case, okay?" 

"What the fuck? I never said you were." 

"Yeah, but-" God, I'm stupid, I'm so stupid, the pain is making me stupid and I can't find a way to say this so she'll understand. Her eyes bore into me. "Listen, I - fuck. Don't look at me that way, don't - don't fucking look at me like I'm either a freak or a fucking charity case, that's not why I fucking told you this. I'm not the problem here, okay? My life isn't the problem, I'm fine, I mean, I'm not fine but it's none of your business if I'm fine or not fine, my point is - is don't fucking compare me to a lizard!" 

"Okay! Okay, Jesus. I won't. I'm sorry." She looks at me like I'm a skittish animal. Like I'm wild, like I'm irrational.

"And you don't - don't fucking look at me like that! It's not - I'm not - why can't you just treat me like a human being?! Why is it either pity or fucking disgust?"  

"I don't know how I'm supposed to look at you, dude! What, am I not supposed to feel compassion for you? Am I not supposed to be disgusted at rotting corpses or get freaked out when you yell at me? I can't control how I feel!" 

"God, you are such a dick. Is it really that hard to be normal about something for once?"  

"Yeah, well, I don't have the time to entertain your control complex, okay, Mechamaru? You're an asshole. I don't care if you're sick or whatever, it does not give you the right to fucking scream at people who literally did nothing wrong!" She wasn't listening. The nausea almost overwhelms me. Abruptly I wish I was in a classroom, humiliating myself in front of Kasumi, just so Utahime could step in and make it all stop. 

I try to speak, but I don't trust myself to open my mouth and not retch. Besides, I have nothing to say. And despite all this I hear my own voice. "Wow. So you really just don't give a shit after all."

"You know, it's hard to give a shit when the person you're trying to give a shit about hates you and keeps attacking you, okay? I'd care a lot more about whatever stupid fucking pedantic hang-ups you have if you stopped trying to guilt-trip me about it and make it all about you to escape the fact that you fucked up!" 

"Fuck you, Mai. You don't know anything about me."

She snorts. "I don't know what I was expecting. You know, I can't believe Miwa's dating you. All you do is fucking complain and mope and make everything about you, and you're a fucking flake who can't even come to class on time once a month. You think everyone should have to care that you had a shitty day, but you don't ever want them to be nice about it, you just wanna be mad at everyone all the time because your life sucks, so why should anyone else be happy? Gee, I wonder why you have no friends! The only reason you could ever snag someone like Miwa is because her self-esteem's so low she doesn't realize how many leagues above you she is in personality, looks, and everything else. You're going to ruin her fucking life if you're not careful, you know that? Your bad fucking attitude is going to poison her and you don't even care as long as she strokes your ego and pities you. Well, you had best be fucking careful, because if you ever hurt her, Mechamaru, I will fucking kill you." 

She waits for a response, tensed up like a loaded spring, but I don't. I can't. There's nothing more that I can say. 

She clicks her tongue. "Yeah. I don't know what I was expecting." And then she's gone.

I am shaking, I realize dimly. More than usual. I don't know when I started. The pain ricochets, up and down, up and down, until I feel like I'm on fire. My stomach turns. Every inch of me is rubber-band tight, hydraulic-press tight, my organs twisting and squeezing. Even Mechamaru, in a fucked-up neurological accident of a parody of my own body, is rattling as it trembles. I can't make out even a single thought behind the whirling roar in my head.

Too late - I can't breathe - panic attack. Again. Bad this time. 

The protocol kicks in a second later. The active Mechamaru sinks to the ground. I mute myself, and then all I can do is let it happen. 

I listen to my own voice as it heaves and gasps and chokes and sobs. I wish I could say it is like rapids or like ocean waves, but it isn't like anything except being trapped, awake and aware, in a rotting body flooding itself with useless chemicals, with no way out except through. 

It is at times like these I always want to float away. From my body and my self and the whole world until I'm gone. Times like these I half-wish I wasn't so independent so I'd have an attendant or a nurse or Mama to soothe me and call an ambulance when I suffocate and my heart finally gives out under the strain. But it's good, as well, because nobody has to see me like this. 

It lasts… I don't know. I don't want to think about it. When I start to come out of it, I'm still shaking, and my stomach and head hurt something awful, and my mouth tastes like death. I'm drooling. Bile burns my cheek and stains my pillow, and I close my eyes, sob weakly, allow myself a moment of quiet horror at how pathetic I am. I wish I was dead.  

I sigh and start to clean myself up. 

A ping from my phone. 

Heyy! I thought you said caf at five for studying? It's six :( everything okay? 

"Shit," I mutter, and the crushing gets stronger. I can barely get my shit together enough to speak. "Respond: Shit, sorry. I lost track of time. I'll be right there. Send."

As I drag myself to the caf, I think: I don't know what I was expecting. You're a fucking flake. You don't deserve her. 

When I get in, Kasumi looks up and her face immediately draws together in concern. I have no idea how she picks it up. My body language is purposefully normal. "What's wrong?" 

I feel sick. I feel so so so sick. "Got in an argument with Mai," I say. "I guess I got wrapped up in my own head after. Sorry." 

"Oh, crap, I'm sorry. Did she go after you? I shoulda known this would happen… gosh, I'm sorry, Kokichi." She gives me a bitterly guilty look. "Did she say anything too bad? I can talk to her about it." 

"No, don't," I say. "It's between us. Let's get started on your math." 

We do. It helps. Kasumi's grasp on binomials is improving, and it encourages her. You know, she says to me, this is kinda getting fun! And I smile breathlessly. Her smile, her happiness, that's something I can be proud of. To improve someone else's life for once without fighting. The idea that she's happier just by me existing around her, that she wants me around - it's alien and exhilarating and, embarrassingly, it makes me want to cry. I know I don't deserve her, but I am trying to be something good for her. 

For my part, doing the problems myself to check her solutions is my favourite. It's just steps. I know what I need to do and I do it, and I don't get any answers wrong. Even that, though, has its limit. I only do twenty minutes before my head really starts to hurt and I have to stop, turn off the camera and close my eyes. There's no point in feeling sick or hurting. It's not productive and it takes so long and so much attention. I wish it would just stop. But I try not to think about it too much. Always best not to think about it too much. 

"Are you done for today?" Kasumi asks, her voice high and… afraid? No, anxious? Gotta be anxious. 

I nod. 

"Oh." She swallows. It's audible. "Okay."

"I'm sorry." I force the words out. My lips feel numb. "I know I promised to help with the whole thing." 

"Oh, no no no, don't apologize! It's not your fault." She still sounds anxious. Fuuuck. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked so much of you. Are you feeling okay?"

It takes every ounce of dignity I have not to beg her to stop asking if I feel okay. I feel like crying every time I'm reminded that she actually cares how I feel, how I feel, as if I don't spend 99% of my time shoving that down as hard as I can. And I don't want to cry right now. I want to be helping her. She wants me to be helping her. But everything else in the world, including my own body, is conspiring against us. 

Well, fuck that.

"I guess I could go a little longer." 

She doesn't say anything. 

"Did you hear me?" I open my eyes. The light stabs at me. Everything is a colourful blur. I cough and close my eyes. "I won't be able to read, but you could read them out and…" 

"What are you talking about?" A hand trails across my shoulder. Overstimulating, but I grit my teeth until it's over. "Kokichi, seriously, are you okay? You shouldn't offer things like that. I don't want you to overextend yourself." 

I could scream. I hate this. I hate being tired and fragile and emotional and I hate wearing out easily and I hate that she knows how worn-out I am and I hate it I hate it I hate it. "I'm not made of glass," I snap. "I don't need you to take care of me." 

A tense silence. She's hurt. For the second time in a day, I regret speaking instantly. 

"Sorry," I say hastily. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. It's just, what I mean is…" My mind is blank. Somehow, I manage to stammer out, "It's - it's just, you don't have to. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay," she says. Relief floods me like a drug. "But I'm not treating you like glass. I'm treating you like you're upset, which you obviously are." A strained quality in her voice. Mad at me? No, she's not mad. Is she? 

"Are you mad at me?" 

"I'm not mad. I'm worried and frustrated." 

"At me?" 

"Yes. I'm worried about you. Whatever Mai said to you, it's clearly not nothing. You're acting weird, and I'm frustrated that you won't tell me what's wrong."

The headache only gets worse. I strain for even breath. I get the acute feeling that whatever is happening here, it's my fault somehow and I'm doing something wrong, that I should tell her and I'm causing this problem and making her worry, but I know if I tell her she'll get mad at Mai and I really really really don't want to think about this anymore. 

"Could you please tell me?" she asks softly. "Whatever it is, it's got to do with me too. She came after you. It was about me, wasn't it?" 

You're really going to throw another pity party, huh? Tattle to Miwa so she can take care of the big scary monster? I shudder. 

"Kokichi?" 

So I tell her everything. All of it. It comes out in a jumbled muddle, but I get the keywords right. 

There's a resounding silence. My headache is… not so bad. Stress-induced? Probably. I open my eyes. Kasumi's face is blurry, and I'm bad at reading faces, but even I can see she's furious. 

My heart sinks. 

"What the fuck," she says, and for the second time it hits me like a train and I have to do a double take - did she just swear? 

She opens her mouth, and closes it. She stews for a second, and then she shakes her head. "No," she says. "No. That's just ridiculous." 

My breath catches. "I'm telling the truth-"

"Not that." Her eyes are dark, kinda like Utahime's when she's really, really mad. "I'm going to go talk to Mai." 

I catch her arm. "Okay, wait," I say, and I don't know why, because long have I dreamed of Kasumi going off on Mai for what she said to me, but it's not right, not like this. "It's not like she was even wrong," I say. "She's a dick, but she's not wrong." It's nothing I haven't heard before, after all, though not in such harsh terms - Panda comes to mind. 

Her lips are pressed into a thin pink line. "Let go of me."

"Kasumi, please don't do this. She's your friend." And if she goes off on Mai because of this, I realize too late, their friendship will probably collapse from the precarious state of mutual ignorance that had kept us three afloat before, and Nishimiya will have to choose a side, and it'll be Mai's side and I'll have ruined her life for the second time in as many weeks. I am stronger than her, I know, and by far - if I wanted to, I could stop her, I- 

She meets my eyes. "Kokichi. Let go of me. Now." 

I let go of her. 

She marches off, not even bothering to bring her bag. 

I pack up her homework and make her bag nice and neat. And I sit there in the caf with her bag beside me, not even putting my head in my hands for the benefit of any passers-by. I stare at the wall and I regret everything. 

Kasumi returns in… I don't know how long. She walks up and puts a hand on my shoulder, and I shudder involuntarily. 

"I'm sorry I left in such a hurry," she says softly. "She was wrong about you. She was so, so wrong." 

"I know." My voice comes out strangled. "I know, I just…" 

"I know." She kisses my head. "Shh. It’s okay, you're just having a rough couple days." I cry harder. Can't help it. I'm so pathetic. "Let's go watch something together, okay? We can both cool off." 

"Okay,” I whimper. “I'm sorry I'm such a fucking mess all the time."

"Don't say that. If I didn't wanna deal with it, I wouldn't have asked you out."

"I don't want you to deal with me. I want you to love me. I mean, I want to love you. I mean - I mean-"

"I know. I do love you. Come on, let's go to my dorm room. It'll be nicer there." 

Interlude II: Mechamaru 

"She's just angry," Momo says. Her voice is as gentle as her hands on my face. "You went after her boyfriend. Of course she's angry. You know? If you ask me, this situation just needs some calming down." 

"I don't see what the fuck that has to do with me," I say. 

"It's not gonna get any better until one of you takes the first step," she says. "And it's not gonna be Mechamaru." 

"Like that's fair. He's done nothing but yell at me for months." 

"It's not about fairness. It's about things getting better than they were before." She takes my hand. Her palms are soft. She smiles, a little ironically. "Sweetheart, do you need me to teach you how to apologize properly?" 

Interlude III: You Know, Everything 

October 6, 2018

12:21 am

(25 days, 23 hours and 39 minutes until Halloween)

–Hey, this is Mai. Miwa gave me your number. 

–Im really sorry for, yk, everything 

–Seriously. What I said to you was totally unacceptable and I get it if you're mad 

–Id be fucking mad too 

–Anyway I don't really know what to say but I'm sorry. 

Is that what you really believe. 

About me I mean. What you said.

("Oh, holy shit," Mai says. "He actually replied.")

–no dude 

–i just wanted to be as bitchy as possible so I said shit that I thought would upset you 

–sorry again. 

Ok.

–So like are we good 

???

No we are not "good." Are you kidding. 

(Mai is typing…)

(Mai stopped typing) 

(Mai is typing…)

–Okay. 

–Is there anything I can do to help make up for it 

(He drafts: you can fuck off. Deletes it.)

I don't know.

(Tries to be honest - it's something he's working on.) 

You hit the nail on the head I gotta say. In terms of the shit that would suck the most to hear. 

("No, this is good," Momo reassures her, "it means he's willing to keep talking.") 

–yeah. But none of it was, like, true or relevant 

–and I didn't listen when you tried to tell me what you needed me to do 

Can't blame you I wasn't making any sense. 

–no I get it. You just wanna be treated like a normal guy right? Like be nice and accommodating and stuff and obviously don't call your body like broken or disgusting because that's a fucked up thing to say. Like even if you're noy happy, who tf am I to talk about it cause like I don't even know what I'm talking about. Right? 

So you were listening.

–100 percent transparency, Momo helped me figure it out 

–But that's like a totally normal thing to want. And you're not even a flake. Like considering everything you attend class most days still and do missions and stuff. And what do I fucking know about you and Miwa cause she never talks about you in front of me because I'm a bitch about it 

("No, don't," Momo says right away, motioning at the draft of so what about the pictures thing. "Just give it a second.")

–Anywah yeah I'm really fucking sorry dude.  

Okay.

Well sorry for yelling at you when you didn't know any better.

It's fine to be freaked out about dead bodies that was just my issues.

Could have just explained it I guess.  

(Momo wrestles the phone out of her hands before she can type, yeah.)

– domt worry about it. Water under the bridge 

–You build weapons, right? Guns and shit? 

Sometimes.

–Ive been looking to mod my gun. I can pay. It's a Smith and Wesson Model 10 do you know it

Yeah but I usually do automatic stuff.

You don't have to pay.

–Maybe we could find something cool to build anyway. 

That sounds fun.

–I can never tell if you're serious or not lmao 

I'm serious just not good at texting. 

It really does sound fun.

–Maybe we could work on it in the morning. 

Okay.

Goodnight. 

–Goodnight 

Chapter Text

Saturday, October 6

25 days until Halloween

"Sonic the Hedgehog?"

"No." 

"Super Mario."

"Nope!"

"Um, Flappy Bird. Some cheap mobile game."

"Nope again." 

"Little Big Planet."

"Nope! But my friend had it."

"Animal Crossing." 

"Nuh-uh." 

"Shit, um… Pokémon. Hitman. Halo. I dunno, Tetris." 

"No, no, no, and no." 

"Okay, I give up. Tell me."

"Ha!" Kasumi nudges him, grinning. "Nice try, but the only video game I ever owned was Diddy Kong Racing for the DS. And I kicked total butt at it." 

"That's cheating! I said Super Mario." 

"You said Super Mario, yeah. But Diddy Kong Racing isn't a Super Mario game. It's barely a Mario game."

"Hey, Diddy Kong is in Mario, that counts!" 

"Does not. Hiroki told me so," Kasumi says. "Now pay up, come on. I won the bet fair and square." 

"Okay, okay. A thousand yen?"

"No."

"Okay, two thousand."

"Oh, no no no, Kokichi. I don't want money."

A bemused smile in his voice. "Well, what do you want?" 

"Hmmm." She thinks for a second. "Are you any good at singing?"

"No."

She grins. "You know the words to the Anpanman theme song, right?" 

"Not offhand, but I can look them up. Why?" And then he realizes. "Oh, no. No no no no no. I refuse." 

("Oh my god, Miwa, what is that ringtone?")

"Have you noticed some people from Tokyo skulking around lately?" Kamo asks. His back is straight and he's sitting formally, in sharp contrast to everyone else lounging across the boards near the classrooms. 

"Huh? You mean Ieiri?" Kasumi glances over at him. "Yeah, she was around for a while." 

"No, other people," Nitta says. He's sitting against a pillar nearby, his shoulders pulled in like he's trying to protect himself from everyone else's eyes. "I saw them too. Yuji Itadori, Nobara Kugisaki, and Megumi Fushiguro. But they didn't talk to anyone… maybe they came to escort Ieiri back, or something." 

At the mention of Itadori, Todo snaps out of his bored stupor. "You must be mistaken!" he proclaims, about twice as loud as anyone else in the conversation. "My brother would never visit here without dropping by to say hello to me, his best friend!" 

"If they came to see Ieiri, why not say hi to us?" Momo asks. 

"Well…" Kasumi shifts. "I mean, you did try to kill Itadori…" 

"You're wrong! I would never!"  

"Not seriously," Momo says. 

"Yeah, and besides," Kokichi chimes in, "Itadori seemed pretty cool with us during the picnic." 

"What picnic?" Mai asks. 

"Oh, we had a picnic with them in Tokyo. Itadori, Maki, Panda and Inumaki." Kasumi smiles at the memory. "It was super fun." 

"Without me?! Itadori would never–" 

"What were you two doing in Tokyo together?" Kamo asks. "When was this?" 

"On vacation," Kasumi says. "Mechamaru came to stay with my family for a few days." She smiles at Kokichi, who's staring down at the boards, seeming spaced out. Momo gives her a knowing grin, and she sticks her tongue out at her. 

"Hmm," Kamo says. 

"Good job!" Todo thunders in Kokichi's general direction, with a large thumbs up and a slightly terrifying smile. 

"Huh?" Kokichi looks up. "What did I do?"

"You finally grew a spine and asked her out, didn't you?!" 

"Wait, what? You guys are dating? Since when?" Nitta looks from Kokichi to Kasumi, eyes wide. 

Kasumi, face already burning hot, glances at Kokichi and gives him a questioning look. He gives a tiny shrug, like, your call.

"Um, yeah! How'd you know?" Kasumi says with a shy smile. 

"No man meets a woman's mother platonically!" Todo crows. "My instincts are infallible!"

Mai, Kasumi and Momo all exchange a glance, like, yikes. Mai laughs at him. He raises his eyebrows at her, completely missing the point. 

Kasumi shoots Kokichi an apologetic glance, but he just shrugs. Somehow, she can tell despite his expressionless face that he's smiling. 

"And you're sure you don't mind?" 

"For the love of God!" Kokichi laughs. He's stretched out across Kasumi's bed like a cat, legs hanging off the edge 'cause the robot is way too tall. "I already told you, just because I like mechs doesn't mean I can't enjoy other stuff. Press play, already!" 

"Fine, fine." 

In their endeavours to find a light, fluffy show that Kasumi can also enjoy, with actual female characters and no fanservice, but isn't a kids' show, and that neither of them have seen before, they ruled out pretty much every show they could think of. Eventually, they settled on Hilda because Kokichi thought it was funny that she had blue hair as well, and Kasumi loved the sound of his snickering at his own dumb jokes. Kokichi added Kasumi as a second user on his Netflix account. She set her profile picture to blue, and he changed his to green, and the image of the two smiley faces beside each other made her happier than it probably should. 

But anyway. It's after dinner, and he is on her bed and she is snuggled up next to him, tucked into the curve of his robot body, and her school-assigned computer lies on the bed in front of them and the show plays. She hears him breathing over the music and the voice acting, and it is a show for kids after all but it's charming so she doesn't care.

Kokichi's a worrier. She can read his breathing, now, or maybe always has but now she's paying attention - sometimes it quickens a little bit, or gets harsh, and she can tell he's stuck on an anxious thought. She squeezes his hand, says something like, "Aren't the fairies just the cutest?" and he squeezes back and says, "Yeah, they're funny little guys," and breathes normally. 

And Kasumi tries not to think of Mom, as well, or Hiroki or Kenji or the sword currently lying beside her on the bed, barely more than a comfort object now that she still lugs around everywhere for God knows what reason- 

Kokichi squeezes her hand. "Who's your favourite so far?" 

She squeezes back. "I like Alfur." And breathes normally. 

Two episodes, and they shut the computer and stare at the ceiling together, tangled in each other's arms. He's warm from her body heat, and it's getting late. 

"Stay over here tonight," she says. 

"Your mother wouldn't approve," he teases. 

"It's not like we're going to do anything." 

"No, you're right." Something metal creaks inside him. "I'm sorry. I don't know if a sleepover is a good idea." 

"I don't mind if you have a rough night," Kasumi says. "Maybe being here will help. But I don't want to pressure you." 

He pauses. "Okay. But we can't tell Utahime, it's against the rules." 

"Okay." She snuggles up against his chest. "It's a deal." 

He vanishes for a while to get ready for bed. When he's gone it seems too easy to look down and down into the gaping hole of the future and wonder what her life will be like. Always working, working, working all day and all night, worrying about paying the bills, and never able to save enough money to fix the stove, and desperately missing these warm evenings in Kokichi's arms, but, but, but… this is probably the last good month of her life - and it's all her fault… 

Kokichi returns, eventually, with a click and whir and the green eyes turning on. "You should get ready for bed," he says. "What have you been doing this whole time?" 

"Nothing," Kasumi says, climbs into his arms and presses herself into him until he wraps his arms around her and rests his forehead on her crown. She shuts her eyes tight. "I love you." 

"I love you too. You should get ready for bed." 

"Five more minutes?" 

"Oh, fine." 

Sunday, October 7 

24 days until Halloween

He mutes himself at night. Sleeps on the floor. But Kasumi wakes at 2 in the morning, according to the alarm clock on her dresser, to his hands reaching slowly for hers.

Their fingers curl around each other. He holds on. Exhales lightly. 

"Kokichi?" 

He looks up at her. His green eyes are barely as bright as the light on the side of her computer. Two anchor points in the dark, a smudge of teeth below. He looks ghoulish. 

"What are you doing?" Her voice is low and slow with sleep. 

He unmutes with a quiet fuzz of static. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Is everything alright?" 

"Yeah. Just a nightmare. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She reaches off the edge of the bed with her other hand, finds his shoulder and presses her palm into it. 

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Coughs, groans weakly, and the sound tugs at Kasumi's chest. She wants to kiss him. She squeezes his hand instead. 

"I'm glad you're going to get better," she says quietly. 

"Mm. Mhm." He doesn't even seem to care, but then - "I'm sorry. You should tell the others I'm sorry too, in case." 

An emotion without a name makes her stomach cold. "You're going to make it." 

"All the same."

"You have to make it. Your Binding Vow is the only thing between those crazies and Kyoto."

"It'll hold after I die. If I die." 

"Is that how that works?"

"Mhm." A rattling exhale. "Some conditions are permanent, some aren't. I only needed to pass information for a certain amount of time. But no matter what happens - as long as the Vow stays unbroken - Geto and Mahito can't lay a finger on any of you. And they're not stupid enough to break a Binding Vow." He squeezes her hand. "Their cronies are another story, so don't go acting invincible, now."

"Utahime says making a Binding Vow with another person is a stupid idea." 

"She's right." 

"Why'd you do it?" 

"Because there was no other way." He doesn't sound convinced. 

Kasumi swallows. "Does it ever… scare you? This whole thing?" 

"Yeah," he says. "Of course.” 

"Isn't it supposed to be a good thing?"

"Well, yeah.” He clears his throat and speaks a little clearer. “But it's weird, you know? I mean, literally ever since I can remember I've wanted to be normal and cured and all that. But I always pictured that as, like… something that would be long and painful and fucking hard. I'd never be fully better, whatever that means. It would still be my body."

"I don't understand," Kasumi says quietly. 

"It's just - it's not the same at all. It's better, but it's fucked. I mean, fuck's sake, I don't even need to do rehab or rest or keep my weight up or whatever. He'll just show up and cast Lay on Hands and bam, I'll be a fully abled, healthy person with all my limbs intact."

"What's wrong with that?" 

"What's wrong with it? Well - well, I don't know. How's he know what I'm supposed to look like? Actually, no, this is what I'm 'supposed' to look like, it's not like I'm some, some fuck-up fake sick version of my real, healthy self, you know, there's no other version of myself than me, so how is he supposed to know, like, how tall I'm going to be or how my face is supposed to look? That's just making shit up. He gets to just make shit up about my body and decide that it's better than what I am now." He breaks off to cough. 

"Well, but…" Kasumi hesitates. "I thought you thought it would be better." 

"It'll be less painful. I don't mean… I just… look, I don't, I don't like the way I look. But I don't like that I don't like the way I look. And if I just start looking like some fucking - some fucking pretty boy, I don't know, don't I kind of lose the chance to like the way I look? Aren't I just some stranger? If I stop being sick suddenly, aren't I just somebody else? Isn't it basically like killing myself? If I'm killing myself to be someone else, aren't I basically confessing that somebody with a healthy body deserves to live more than I do? And they don't, they literally fucking don't." He drags his hands across his face with a dull metal on metal sound. "I don't know, I'm not making any sense. Sorry." 

Kasumi's fingertips find his collarbone, or where a collarbone would go, and press. The fabric slides under her fingers. Her voice is sleep-lulled. "Couldn't you ask him to make the pain go away but keep you looking the same?" 

"Yes? No. I don't -" He sighs. "I don't want to."

"Why not? Isn't that what you're saying?" 

"It's just - I want to. You know? I want to be better for myself, I want to run and dance around and have energy and be able to go out in the sun and not be covered in scars, since that's an option for me, because I don't want to be in pain and I want my mobility back and I'm tired of feeling like this and I'm fucking bored of just lying around resting all the time and I'm, like, curious, you know? But if I get better for myself - I mean, everyone will look at me and think, oh, great, that poor pitiful boy finally gets to live a worthwhile full life without being miserable all the time and he's all handsome now, and they don't get to decide that! I mean, I am miserable all the time -" He laughs - "but what the fuck do they know about it? They don't know a fucking thing about what I've been through, they just think it's so sad that I can't walk and I must be so much happier now that I'm handsome and have two arms. And I hate that I'll kind of be proving them right because yeah, I do wanna be handsome and have two arms, actually." 

"So you don't want to get better… out of spite?" 

"I… I guess? I guess I just - I should be able to prove that it's okay for me to be alive the way I am and that I'm strong enough to keep going and if I take the cure and get fixed -" Contempt drips off the word - "I'm, like, giving up. On all of it. On myself." Quietly: "And when Mahito came to me, I hated myself. I wanted to die, so that was okay. But now… I mean, I still kind of… but… I don't know. It's different." 

Kasumi's stomach goes cold and strange, and her head all dizzy, and she has to think for a second before speaking. "You still feel like you want to die?" she says softly. 

It takes him a second to answer. "Yeah," he says. "Sometimes." 

"Oh, c'mere. C'mere." Kasumi reaches for him in the dark, gets out of bed and cradles him. "Kokichi…"

"I'm sorry. I know it's bad. I'm really trying not to, but I…" 

"No, no, no. Oh, Kokichi, no, it's okay. It's okay. I'm so sorry." She kisses his head, hopes he can feel it. "It must be so scary," she says, and it's a struggle to keep the upset out of her voice. It's just hitting her, that's all, hitting her all over again, how unfair it all is. "It must be so hard." 

He nods, and a tiny noise escapes him. He wraps his arms around Kasumi's, as if hugging himself as well as her. "I hope it'll get better," he says quietly. "After Mahito." If I survive, left unspoken. "If it doesn't, then I don't know. But I wouldn't - I won't. Please don't worry about me." 

Kasumi considers telling him that she's in a constant low-level state of worrying about him, but decides against it. "Okay," she says softly. 

"I just don't want to - to look at my face in the mirror and not see any scars," he says after a second. "I've been too sick for too long for that to feel right. Does that make sense?" 

"It makes a lot of sense. To me." She yawns, and tries to think of something else helpful to say, comes up empty. "I can stab you in the face afterwards if you want. For, like, cosmetic reasons." 

He laughs all staccato. "Thanks, but I was thinking cheese grater, actually. Maybe napalm." 

She giggles too, quietly. 

"Sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to just dump all of that on you." 

"It's okay." She yawns again. Deeper this time. "I'm glad you told me."

"Yeah," he says quietly. "Me too." 

She tugs his arm closer to her so she can hug it. 

He breathes, deliberately even, five times before he asks: "Kasumi?" 

"Mhm?" 

"What's it like, being you?" 

Oh. Huh. Kasumi settles back into bed, trying to think through the heaviness. "I… don't know. I guess it's not really like anything. I've never been anyone else, so I don't know."

"Ah." 

"What about you?" 

He hesitates for a long time, so long she almost thinks he's fallen asleep. When he takes a breath and answers, though, his voice is steady. "You know what? It's pretty alright, sometimes." 

Hope fills Kasumi's chest, cool and warm, pink and yellow. "Really?" 

"Really." He squeezes her hand. "I love you."

She giggles, and it comes out slow. "I love you too." 

The calendar on Momo's wall is freaking Kasumi out. 

It's a weird thing to be freaked out by. It's super weird, right? But underneath all the pretty highlighting and study dates in glitter gel pen, there are sharp-edged black numbers. The days of October. 

It is Sunday the 7th. There are twenty-four days left until Halloween. 

Even when she's gone home, lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, she can't stop thinking about it. 

She'd known since he told her. But it's somehow just hitting her now that on Halloween, Kokichi is going to try and fight a special-grade all alone, and he's only semi-first. She can't help him. The adults can't help him. He has a greater chance of dying than not dying.

And all of a sudden she feels like she can't breathe. She can't comprehend it. Kokichi might not live to see next year. He might not even live to see the snow this winter. Or even the month of November. He might die and if he does, she'll still be here. And she'll probably have to be the one to go find his body, find him dead with those marble-black eyes open and forever empty. And she'll have to be there when they cremate him. When they cremate Kokichi's corpse. And then he'll have a grave and all those things that dead people have and she'll talk to empty air and he won't hear her. He'll never get what he dreamed of, and she won't find him anywhere. She'll just have to keep living, for the rest of her life, and he'll be dead. 

Her breath catches in her throat, and she feels dizzy and sick. She grabs her phone.

Are you online? 

Yeah but busy just working on some bots. 

Are you in the dorm workshop? 

Yeah why. 

She drafts a message, something along the lines of I'm really anxious could I please come over, but nothing really comes out right. Eventually she just gets up, as if in a dream, wanders out her room, through the quiet hallway to Kokichi's door and knocks.

"Come in," he calls. 

She barges in. He's at his desk, peering down at a microscopic bug robot with a tiny sharp-edged tool in one hand and a magnifying glass in the other.

He puts the tool and glass down and looks up. "You look upset. Did something happen?" 

She hugs him. 

She holds him as tight as she can, feeling the hard metal under her arms, how he clicks and whirs on the inside as he moves, just to reassure herself he's okay for now, he's alive and safe for now. She takes some uneven breaths, just once or twice, to ease the awful squeeze in her chest. She just wants to hold him in her arms, where nothing can ever hurt him, and keep him warm and safe there forever. It doesn't make any sense that he could be here in her arms today and still inevitably gone later.

"What's wrong?" he asks, wrapping his arms around her and hugging back. "Who do I have to punch?" 

"I don't want you to die," she says, muffled in his shirt. "I'm scared."

"Aww, Kasumi," he says, without missing a beat. "You have to know I have no intention of dying."

She doesn't bring up his doubts the night before. "But you can't know that." 

"C'mon. I can't die," he says matter-of-factly. "When I get healthy, I have to go on a picnic with you. I want to wake up and feel amazing, and see the looks on everyone's faces. And I want to be able to eat spicy noodles again, 'cause I miss that shit every day. And that's not even the half of it. There's no way I'm gonna let him kill me before I do all of that." 

That only makes it worse. "But what if you can't help it? What if you just can't live, no matter how hard you try? What then? What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh, ye of little faith. I won't let that happen, I promise. Now calm down and let me show you the little bug-bot I'm working on."

"But…"

"Kasumi, it's okay. There's no need for you to stress about it. Do you wanna name the bug-bot?" 

"Um. Okay." 

He passes her the magnifying glass. "Take a look." 

She peers down at the bug bot, her shoulders still heaving slightly with uneven breaths. It's a cute little thing with glossy tiny-camera eyes. "I'm naming him... Orange." 

"Any reason for that?"

"No, it's just the first thing that popped into my head." She sniffles, laughs. "What, don't you like it?"

"I think it's perfect," he says. "Let me show you how it flies."

Monday, October 8

23 days until Halloween

"Miwa, may I speak with you about something?" 

To her credit, Kasumi doesn't yelp even though she's surprised. She turns to find Utahime standing at the end of the hallway, her arms crossed, lips pressed together. 

Kasumi is already starting to turn red. "Sure! What's going on?" 

"Come with me, please."

"Uhhh, okay." She clutches her bag a little tighter and turns to follow Utahime down the hall. "It's not about… is it?"

"It's not about your career," Utahime says plainly. She doesn't sound happy. 

Kasumi obligingly falls silent as they leave the dorm building and cross through the sunlight to the staff buildings. She resists the urge to cringe back at the sunlight, even after all this time - her scars seem to tingle and prickle, but maybe she's imagining it. A fly buzzes lazily by, whirling around Utahime's head. 

Utahime leads her back into the meeting room where she was made to wait weeks ago. She stops, indicating for Kasumi to sit on the couch. She does. Utahime sits across from her and leans over, producing some papers from under the table. Kasumi tries not to let her skin crawl at the surroundings, though the smell makes her feel vaguely ill. "Where did you go on the thirtieth?" 

"Just wandering," Kasumi says, thanking God that she thought to practice a lie. "I get restless ever since… you know."

"You didn't come back for a while." 

"It's a weekend. I'm allowed off campus."

"That's true. You're also entitled to your privacy, but it's a matter of school security, so if you wouldn't mind…"

"Visiting my family." 

"All the way over in Tokyo?" 

"My mom…" She makes a face, like, you know how she is. She prays that Utahime's limited experience with her mother gave her an accurate impression of how much she can be sometimes. 

Utahime makes a face as well, and Kasumi relaxes a little. "I see. And she'll corroborate this if I ask her?" 

Kasumi hesitates for a split second, but she really has no choice. "Yes."

"Good. Don't worry, I won't bother her. Just checking - you understand." She doesn't seem to be suspicious at Kasumi's hesitation. Good. Great. This is fine. 

Utahime gives Kasumi a look. "You seem nervous." 

"Last time I was here… it wasn't good." It's not a lie. She's just trying not to concentrate too hard on her surroundings. 

"I see. It'll be over soon." Utahime's eyes flick down to her left briefly. "What do you think of Mechamaru?"

Oh. That's what this is about. 

"What about him?" 

"Just in general." 

"Well… I mean, I don't know, I…" Kasumi's fumbling and blushing serves her well here, at least, though it may not be for the reasons Utahime is assuming. "I think he's kind to me." 

"And?"

"Well, he doesn't mind that I yelled at him or that I don't have any powers. He tells me about his projects and stuff, and keeps me company. He believes in me." 

"And…?"

"And he's… really smart." 

"You're very kind to him, Miwa," Utahime says gently. "As a guardian, I'm glad to see it. But I need to know about any problems as well, I'm afraid. I know you're a very considerate person, but there's no need to worry about offending him - he isn't here."

A fly buzzes in the corner. Kasumi's eyes catch on it as it makes its way lazily through the light - and then it twists and gleams. Metal. 

A fly on the wall. So much for not being here. 

Oh, she is not meant for this. She swallows, her stomach turning with nerves. This is her chance. Utahime wants something - think, Kasumi. What is going on? She's too stupid for this, she knows there's something but she doesn't know. She can't see it. Or -

Oh.

Of course Utahime suspects there's a traitor. 

"Miwa?" 

"I wouldn't want to be mean," she protests, trying to buy some time. 

"It's alright. I'll understand." 

"Well…" Think. Think. Utahime is asking after Kokichi which means that she suspects Kokichi's up to something, but she doesn't know for sure, and she doesn't know that Kasumi knows anything or she wouldn't be doing this because she has to know it would set Kasumi off. Kasumi could try and feed her false information, set her off the trail, but she doesn't trust herself to lie like that. 

Everyone knows Kasumi's close to Kokichi, and Kasumi's not working for the higher-ups like Utahime or even Ieiri. If anyone was going to know his secret, it would be her - or so they thought. And they were right. But they didn't know it - and they couldn't go after Kokichi until they knew for sure or they'd alert the would-be other traitor. 

It won't matter after Halloween. She has to hold them off for two weeks. She could catch them in a wild goose chase to keep them busy. She has the trust of Mai and Momo as well, and Mai could easily be a traitor too what with how she acts. Maybe she should try to confuse them. No, God, that's too cruel. 

"Miwa…"

Is she really about to do this? Is she really about to join him? Is she really about to lie and take Mahito's side - Mahito who tortured and murdered those people, the side of a curse, of genocidal Suguru Geto? Even for a second? Even if it was to kill them later? 

It's a silly doubt. She'd already been complicit from the second she kissed Kokichi and decided not to tell. The only thing left to do is save his skin and dig deeper. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. They'd believe her - she's Miwa. Trustworthy, sweet, honest, pure Miwa. This goes against everything she'd have done before. 

Except no, it doesn't, because she's stupid and she loves easily and she works hard for the people she loves. She's always been that way.

"We… eeell," she says. "I've been worried about him… lately." Easy does it - don't want Utahime to get worried and check on him. 

"Oh?" 

"He's been acting weird," she says. "Everyone has. He hasn't wanted to talk, and he just sleeps all day. He says he isn't feeling well." A depression. Yes. Normal, and a reason for Utahime to leave him alone, or talk to him via robot - anything but check on him in person. "Can I… tell you a secret?"

"Yes?"

"He cries a lot." 

"Does he tell you why?" 

Don't say he's dissatisfied with his condition - it'll lead to the cure thing. Don't say he's guilty - that's worse. "He says his depression is coming back, but" - Forgive me, Kokichi - "he just gets annoyed when I try to talk about it. I'm just trying to keep him company and act normal. That seems to help a lot." 

"Hmm." Her face twists and Kasumi prays she made the right decision. "That must be hard for you."

Kasumi's about to play it off until she realizes she has to look like she really cares and of course it would bother her if he really was doing that bad - but she shouldn't do an emotional turnaround so fast - so she bites her lip, swallowing back a convenient urge to cry rising to the surface. She doesn't know where it comes from but she's thankful. "It's fine," she says.

Utahime frowns deeper. "Are you sure? I was under the impression he was just nice around you - if he's really getting angry at you, I'll have to have a talk with-"

"It's nothing, Utahime, really," Kasumi says, her voice quavering just the right amount. "I don't blame him at all, and it's really not bad. I'm just so worried about him. I want him to feel better - I think he has to be in a better place before we can talk about it." 

"Is there any way I can support you in that?" 

"I mean, what's been helping is just… normalcy, you know? Just going out with his friends like normal… and I try to be a good friend to him, too, and he seems less lonely then. He doesn't like it when we make a big deal about it, he just… he sounds happier when we just let him live his life. I know he'll come to me if he needs me." 

"I… see."

Kasumi reaches the end of her rope abruptly and flounders for something new to say. "What does this have to do with anything, though?" 

"Oh, I'm just checking in on my students…"

"By asking me?"

"You're attuned to…"

"Why not ask about Momo then? Or about me? I don't get it." 

Utahime hesitates - wavers. Kasumi reinforces her confused look.

"Listen, Miwa," Utahime says finally, in a hushed voice. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but given your personality, you're not who we're looking for. In fact, I'm certain you're not. Someone at Kyoto High is a traitor, working with Mahito, and I'm conducting this interview to find out who."

"What?!" Kasumi doesn't have to fake her surprise. Sure, she'd known Utahime was suspicious, but to know for certain the traitor was among the students? This is worse than she thought. "But-"

"I know," Utahime says wearily. "But it is definitely true. And I know this is hard to hear, Miwa, but Mechamaru is our number one suspect." 

The knowledge crystallizes in Kasumi's stomach. This is bad. This is very bad. "What?! Why?!" 

"He has the resources, time, and anonymity to conduct business outside of Kyoto High. While he says he has only three robots, I have reason to believe he has at least five others in operation, and we don't know what they're for." (It takes effort not to let her eyes drift to the robotic fly perched in the corner.) "Not only that, but he has a motive - his medical bills are high and the higher-ups hold it over his head. He feels trapped. I'm sure special-grade curses could scrape up enough money for him to pay for his own care. As much as I do care about him, I must admit that his personality is unpalatable at best around people who aren't you, and-"

"He isn't the traitor!" Kasumi bursts out, mind racing. "How could you say that about him?"

Utahime blinks. "Well, like I said-"

"What, just because he's sick, you think he'd work with those murderers?! You think he'd join their side and fight for them and let his friends die?! Just because he's a little crabby sometimes? Who wouldn't be, in his place?! Who do you think you're dealing with?! Don't you even know him at all?!" 

Utahime recovers her composure and nods. "I'm sorry. This must be difficult for you to process."

"There's nothing to process, he's not the traitor!"

"I meant my suspicions," she says. "But, Miwa - you seem upset."

"Well, of course I'm upset! You're accusing him of doing something so horrible, I - he's our friend, Utahime, really, you know him, he just wouldn't do that! Besides, do you think he's really stupid enough to trust a curse?" 

"He could have made a Binding Vow."

"Do you think he's stupid enough to do that?" 

"I think he's desperate enough to do that. Don't you?" 

Deep breath and think, Kasumi. This line of argument isn't working. Why? Because she's just right about everything. God, she's right about everything, God, they're going to catch him, no, no, just a little more time… Utahime is looking at her, concerned… no, she has to think. Think like Kokichi who made it through a year of this. Logically. If A, then B. Problem, solution. 

What's the problem? Utahime is right. So go for the thing she's wrong about. He's not after the money. 

Considering her long pause, Kasumi takes a slow breath and does her best to look sad. "What is there to be desperate for, independence? He's never gonna have that anyway. What would be even do if he moved away from the higher-ups? His whole life is here, with us, his friends. You know how much he loves everyone, even if he doesn't act like it. And he can't work outside of sorcery, so the money would run out. The math just doesn't make sense. He would lose more than he gained."

Finally, a spark of… something, in Utahime's eye. She chews on her lip. "Hm," she says. "I see. Thank you for the input. But, Miwa?"

"Mhm?" 

"If it really is Mechamaru - you will tell us. Won't you?" 

"Of course," she says. "He's my friend, but Mai and Momo have been my friends for longer. If he gets them hurt, I won't forgive him!" She tries to make her eyes flash. It probably doesn't work. 

"That's good," Utahime says. "I'll talk to you later, then." 

Kasumi nods, bows and slips out. She manages a stately walk back to her room and to close the door firmly before she lets out a mad, nervous giggle, her fist pressed over her mouth. 

She did it. She did it. She did it. There'll be time to second-guess and regret and plot later - she did it. The bug-bot follows her in and buzzes wildly around her head, bumping into her forehead and hair. She giggles and snatches it in one hand. It wiggles in protest. 

"How was that? Huh?" she asks, smiling, and opens her hand. The bug-bot perches on it carefully, dwarfed by even the lines of her palm. "How'd I do?" 

You're a weirdly good liar, Kokichi texts her a moment later. Sorry she bothered you. 

"Thank my mom. She taught me people believe what they wanna believe." She laughs. "Sorry for making you look bad in front of Utahime." 

No it's great. Thank you. We're partners in crime.

"Huh. I guess we are." Kasumi takes a second to contemplate that she's officially become a liar and a traitor. It's not as bad of a feeling as she'd have thought. 

I have to get back to work but that was amazing seriously. I love you. You're the best. 

"I love you too!" 

She giggles and tosses her phone to the side, burying her face in the pillow and willing her heart rate to slow. The bug-bot traces two lazy circles around her head, bumps into her nose, and flies off. 

So she pulled it off. Good. Great. He's safe for now, Utahime off the trail hopefully - though they'll both be in hot water after Kokichi kills Mahito. It doesn't matter until Halloween. 

Unless - but, no - but - 

But Kokichi won't die. He can't die. 

But at the same time, it's Mahito. It feels impossible that he'd beat him. 

She knows that thinking about this will not help anything at all. She knows, she knows it's inevitable and Kokichi will do his best and so will she. But still… but still. 

Tuesday, October 9

22 days until Halloween

She hangs out at Momo's place again. Kokichi comes with, which is… new. It was Momo who brought it up, and when Kasumi glanced at Mai, she didn't know what she was expecting, but it sure wasn't for Mai to be smiling. "I suggested it," she said.

Weird. Weird, but good.

So now they're all sitting scattered around Momo's dorm room. Momo and Mai are perched on the bed doing their weekly nail-painting with the fan pointed out the open window. Now that it's mid-October, it's getting a little cold with the window open, but Mai and Momo don't seem to mind. 

Kokichi's sitting on the floor with her, just looking up at all of the decorations, the posters, the lamp with jewellery strung over the lampshade, the little witch altar thingy in the corner. He hasn't really been talking, but from his body language he seems content. 

"Okay, okay, here's a take," Momo says. "I think Todo and Naoya would get along." 

"They would," Mai says, "but I'll execute whoever introduces them with extreme prejudice."

Momo bursts out laughing, though she's a little quieter than usual. "So true. Weird vibes off both of them, honestly. Though, gotta say, I think Naoya is worse."

"Oh, you're right," Mai says. "Actually, hmm, you know what? I think Todo might punch Naoya for not respecting women."

"Well, Todo's not exactly a feminist icon either."

"Yeah, but he's weird in a different way, you know?"

"True, true. But I mean, it's a little annoying," Mai says. "Doesn't seem to bother Nobara, apparently. Everyone here is a little weird anyway." 

"So true! Even Kamo, you know? He lowkey makes fun of, like, girly stuff, like boy bands and fashion? And the way I talk, even? It's so weird, like, I'm not hurting anybody." 

"What a dickhead," Mai says. "He's always nice to me too, sucking up to me because I'm a legit clan heir or whatever, but he's condescending. Like, bro, I don't wanna be friends with your blood purist ass. No pun intended." 

"Kamo does that?" Kokichi asks.

Momo pauses and glances down at him. Kasumi hesitates, unwilling to step in in case it's not a big deal, but cringing at the giant misstep that Kokichi may or may not be about to make, projecting him forever into Momo's bracket of 'questionable men, do not trust to be reasonable about sexism'. 

"Yeah," Mai says. "It's kind of annoying."

Momo's brain attempts to factory reset before she speaks again. "Y– yeah! He sometimes makes fun of how I say 'like' all the time. Which is–" She visibly stops herself from saying like. "I mean, it's kind of cruel to call someone's speech patterns annoying, especially if it's because it's seen as, like, a stupid thing for teenaged girls, which, don't even get me started on that. I even asked him to stop and he just ignored me." 

"Do you want me to talk to him about it?" Kokichi asks. 

"Why would you?" Momo says, a little bit cold. 

"We sort of know each other," he says. "We spar sometimes. If I bring it up, maybe it'll lend it some legitimacy in his eyes. Not that that's good! He should take you seriously. But if I could help, I… I don't know. Ignore me." 

Momo squints at him for a second, as if trying to decide something. "...Nah," she says. "It'd probably just discredit me anyway to have a man fight my battles for me. I'll tell him to stuff it again when I get the chance."

"If you're brave enough," Mai says.

"Oh, shut up, Mai. I'll channel my inner girlboss."

"I have a master plan, myself," Mai says. "I could just be a dick to him about it until he's embarrassed enough to stop."

"You think that'll work?" 

"Are you kidding? He wants me to like him so bad." 

"Sounds like a plan." Momo laughs. "Thanks anyway, Mechamaru." 

"Yeah, no problem." He nods and withdraws again, glancing at Kasumi and giving her a helpless shrug. 

She gives him a smile and a thumbs-up, like, you're fine, then laughs at herself. Mai and Momo turn back to each other and keep talking.

"You gonna paint your nails?" Kokichi asks her. 

"I will if you do." 

"Not a chance." 

Kasumi laughs and joins Momo and Mai on the bed, and after a bit of shuffling around, starts to take off the last remnants of her months-old paint job with a cotton ball. Even with the fan still running, she can smell the nail polish remover. She takes a deep breath of cold, fresh air and pays attention to Momo and Mai and Kokichi chatting and laughing beside her.

"That would look weird," Kokichi is saying. "I'm fine just sitting here, really. You don't have to–" 

"We could bedazzle them," Momo jokes. 

"Nonono, everybody shut up, shut up shut up right now." Mai pauses dramatically. "We glue acrylics to Mechamaru's fingers."

"No!" Kokichi protests, just as Momo shouts an equally emphatic "Yes!" and Mai cackles like an evil genius. 

Kasumi smiles.

And for once, she is in the background while Kokichi and Mai and Momo talk - about Marvel, about painting your nails, about Mai's upcoming promotion, even if it's only up by half a grade. 

"We should celebrate," says Kokichi. "You know? It's a good excuse." 

Mai snorts. "A party? You're welcome to plan one yourself if you feel that strongly." 

"Maybe I will." 

"A party?" Momo blows on her pointer finger, gives Kokichi a silly wink. "Count me in!" 

Kasumi redoes all her nails in her favourite sky blue and goes home happy. 

Kokichi named the group chat "Mai's promotion party"

Kokichi: Hey all we were thinking potluck in the caf. When are you all free.

Kasumi: ??? I thought you were joking about this?? When was this decided ? :3

Kamo: Hello, Mechamaru. I hope this message finds you well. It seems pointless to celebrate a promotion to semi-second-grade. 

Momo: dont be a spoilsport >:0 its just an excuse to have a party lol

Kokichi: I will buy you a whole bag of the good coffee if you come. 

Kamo: Thank you for your kind offer. What kind of coffee would you be procuring? I can make a few suggestions if you don't have anything in mind. 

Mai: Oh my GOD why do you still text like that 

Kamo: Hello, Mai. As you know, I am expected to live up to the behavioural standards befitting an heir of the Kamo clan; as such, I will not participate in the frivolity of sending written messages without even punctuating them properly. 

Momo: does this mean youre coming?

Mai: YOURE LITERALLY INSANE LMAO IM FROM A CLAN TOO YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE 

Nitta: WHY SO MANY NOTIFICATIONS (*_*)

Todo: THIS SOUNDS BORING!!!!! WHY ARE WE USING ALL CAPS?!!! 

Wednesday, October 10

21 days until Halloween 

After class, Kokichi's loitering around Mai's desk while she packs up, and they're chatting leisurely with no arguments in sight. 

"There's something to be said about how compact it can be," he says.

"Yeah, but accuracy's a problem." She makes a face. "Just do a normal barrel, man. The size of it isn't a problem. And it'd be better if I didn't need to buy custom bullets."

"That's true enough. Okay, I'll see what I can do." 

Kasumi finishes packing up quickly and heads over. "What's up?" 

"We're discussing the design of Mai's new gun, finally," Kokichi says. "You?"

"Ah. Nothing. I'm looking for something to do after school. You know, one day I'll be able to use my sword again and then it'll be over for both of you." 

"You gonna kill us?" Mai asks with a grin.

"No, just upstage you," Kasumi says, ruining the joke slightly by blushing. 

"You could join us in my dorm room," Kokichi suggests. "If Mai is okay with it. We're planning to draw up some mod concepts." 

"Yeah, that's fine," Mai says, stretching. "Miwa?"

"Yeah, I'd love to, thanks!" 

As they pack up and leave, Kasumi catches a glimpse of Utahime out of the corner of her eye. She's standing by the blackboard holding an eraser and smiling at the three of them, her face filled with gentle pride. 

"Hey." 

"Hey."

"How was work?"

"Ugh." He throws his head back. "So fucking boring." 

"Third-grades?" 

"You betcha." He leaves his charger, stretches even though he doesn't need to. "You? How was your day?"

"It was fine, I didn't do much. Some schoolwork, I guess."

"I thought you'd be working hard on your notebook. You know it's due soon." 

"Yeah, but I…" She doesn't want to explain how it feels like a waste of time, now, doing her notebook, solving math problems and analysing literature when Kokichi is here today and gone tomorrow. "Do you wanna go out and see a movie?"

Disappointed silence, and he's hesitating, trying to figure out how to tell her he can't do that today so she beats him to it. 

"It's okay. Too tired?"

"A little, yeah. I'm sorry I've been in such bad shape lately." 

"I thought you said you were having good days."

"Not that kind of good days." 

(What is that even supposed to mean?) "We could watch Hilda instead." 

"Okay." 

They fold around each other when they watch their TV, the screen propped sideways against their sheets, but Kokichi isn't watching because he falls asleep halfway through the first episode. He snores so loud. Well, at least he's relaxed enough to sleep. 

Kasumi doesn't wake him. They'll watch the episode again later. 

From: Kasumi. At 8:38 pm. 

"dancingrobot.gif" 

(Kokichi liked a message) 

From: Kokichi. At 8:40 pm. 

"Cute. My favourite is this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvFZjo5PgG0 "

From: Kasumi. At 8:40 pm. 

"AAAAAHHHH" 

Thursday, October 11

20 days until Halloween

From: Kokichi. At 9:32 am. 

"Wanna come over today I'll pay for your train fare" 

This time she brought a bike. She assembles it when she gets off the train and goes flying off down the hill path away from the station, laughing as the wheels bump on the dirt road. She does remember where Kokichi lives this time.

It's a lovely day, and some of the leaves are already starting to turn. The air is warm and soft. 

Almost immediately when she turns off the path, there's a sentinel blocking her way with one arm out and the cannon open. But as soon as he gets a good look at her he stands down, disengaging his cannon. 

He cocks his head at her. 

"Thought I'd bring my bike this time!" Kasumi says. "Sorry, should I have called for a drive?"

He hesitates, but shakes his head and beckons her further. Once again he leads her through the forest to the dam, then leaves her in the care of a medical bot as the sentinel returns to its post. She holds the medical bot's hand, and it's sharp-edged and warm. Together they trek through the deep, dark insides of the dam. She washes her hands in the storage room and enters Kokichi's room just like last time. 

"Good morning," she calls softly as she walks in the door. She dumps her bag and sword in the doorway. 

"Hey," Kokichi says from down the hall. "Sorry about that." 

"Pardon me?" Kasumi laughs and creeps forward, peeking into the door of his room. He's on his bed like usual, and he gives her a shy smile when she comes a little closer. 

"Sorry," he says. "Uh, sorry for pointing my cannon at you. I wasn't expecting you to get here so soon. You can come in." 

"It's okay," Kasumi says, enters and sits down. 

He smiles, still shy, takes a breath. "How are you?"

"I'm pretty good. I'm really excited for the wizard book."

"The wizard book? You mean Earthsea?" 

"Oh, is that what it's called?" Kasumi blushes. "Sorry. I forgot." 

He laughs. "Come here." 

She does. Kokichi reaches up with one hand to draw her closer, the heel of his palm pressing into the base of her skull, tangling with her hair. He's smiling even as he kisses her, which makes him rather difficult to kiss. 

When she pulls back, her heart is pounding, and he's looking at her with a beautifully vulnerable expression. His eyes are dark, wide shapes, round and glossy, and irritated red veins branch and zigzag like lightning through the whites.

"You have such pretty eyes," Kasumi says. 

His eyes light up, which makes her feel unspeakable things. "So do you." 

She blushes and ducks her head. "Thank you." 

He puts a hand on her cheek and lets it rest there for a second before falling away. "So," he says. "What do you feel like doing?" There's a restrained note in his voice, a little tense, a little excited. 

"You already have something in mind, don't you?" Kasumi laughs. "Go on. Say it." 

He grins wide. "You know me so well. Workshop tour?"

"If you insist." 

"You don't have to-"

"No, silly." She kisses him again, just a peck. " I insist." 

It turns out that the third door, at the end of the hallway, leads directly onto Kokichi's workshop. She emerges into a really weird slanted hallway, like the kind that people use to board planes. It slants away to places unknown. Just like Kokichi said, there's a passageway to the right. She turns down it and opens the door, and–

And she's standing at the top of a rickety spiral staircase in a warehouse. 

For a second her brain boggles at how high up she is and the sheer size of the space facing her. It must be under the dam, but it's huge, metal rafters spanning the ceiling with fluorescent lights hanging off of them, the whirring of machines and boxes and beside her, just beyond the plane hallway thingy, the centerpiece - a mech as tall as an apartment building, towering over the whole workshop. 

She laughs out loud and calls into the open air, knowing Kokichi will hear her: "You built an Evangelion in your spare time?" 

There's the crackling of speakers somewhere below her, and Kokichi's voice: "Sure did!"

"Why's it got a cockpit?" Kasumi asks. "Can't you pilot it remotely?"

Metal steps go clanging up the staircase. "I'm going to use it to kill Mahito!"

"Oh." Kasumi's stomach drops a little at the reminder. "B– but– can't you pilot it remotely, even still?"

Finally, the mech he's using comes into view. It seems to be another Ultimate prototype. He looks up at her with familiar piercing green eyes. "It's safer this way," he says. "I have a strategy to counter his Domain that requires me to be in that cockpit. Also, I very well might lose the ability to use cursed energy when I get changed, so it's all externalized just in case." He pauses. "Building the control circuitry to accommodate both direct and remote access was kind of a bitch." 

"I'm sure," Kasumi says absentmindedly, her attention still captured by the sheer bigness of it. "And you built this all?"

"I already told you I have no life, right?" 

"Fair, but still… jeez, this is unbelievable."

"Believe it," he says, smug, and then immediately, " Don't –"

"Why, Kokichi, this is enough work to become the next Hokage-" 

"Oh, shut up!"

Kasumi cackles. "Come on, show me where you keep the new designs."

He shows her around his workshop, then she heads back to his room. After the brightness of the workshop, it's so dark and bizarrely green that she can barely make out the shapes of merch lining the walls and tables. 

"Oh," Kokichi says, "by the way - and I hate to bring it up, but - you know how to use an AED, right? There's one under the bed." 

"A... defibrillator? What for?" Kasumi asks. 

"In case I ever need it." 

And it clicks. Her heart in her throat, she nods. "Okay. I understand."

Her pathetic non-attempt to hide her reaction fails miserably. He sighs. "Aw, don't be upset, Kasumi. It's just a safety procedure." He coughs. Were his coughs always so rough, or have they been getting worse? "You'll probably never even have to think about it. Okay?" 

"Sorry," she says, already reddening with embarrassment. "I know. I'm just being… sorry."

"I know it's hard to accept," he says, almost with a smile, of all things. "But ignoring the possibility of my imminent death only makes it more likely." 

"Well, that makes me feel a lot better," Kasumi says sarcastically, and then she feels mean. "Sorry."

"I don't mean it in that way," he says. "Look at it this way, it's a tool for me to survive, okay? It's a good thing."

"I guess," Kasumi says. "But… anyway, I shouldn't… I'm sorry. It's your health, not mine."

"If you say so. Let's talk about something cheerier, then." 

A pause.

"If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears."

Kasumi laughs, trying to keep her volume low. "I was expecting for you to have something." 

"I did! I swear. I just forgot." He frowns for a moment, shakes his head. "Nope. It's gone." 

"Eh, you'll remember someday," Kasumi says. "Hmmm…" 

They fall silent. Kokichi frowns deeply. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be! It's okay," Kasumi says. "I'm a little scatterbrained too at the moment."

He lets out a half-hearted laugh, nods. "Well… there is one thing I wanted to ask."

"Okay, well, let's hear it."

"Okay, listen. Valentine's Day, first year. Was that…? What was that?"

"What do you mean?" 

"With the double A battery." His eyes are alight with humour. "Were you serious?"

"Oh. Oh. Ohhhhhhhh." Kasumi buries her face in her hands. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry."

"No, don't be! It was kind of amazing," he laughs. "Did Nishimiya and Mai seriously–"

"Yes. They did." Kasumi's voice comes out strained with embarrassment. "And I… yeah."

"That's… sort of amazing. What, did you think it would taste good?" His eyes glitter. 

"I don't know!" Kasumi says, laughing. "I just thought… you know, food gives you energy, so, you know, energy for robots… like, a mini treat, you know?"

"Did you think I run on batteries?" 

"Maybe? I don't know!" She blushes. 

He laughs, a bit of a nervous tinge to it. "Were you seriously going to ask me out if I reacted well?" 

"Ahh. I don't think so." Kasumi shakes her head. "It wasn't really a romantic thing, I just thought it was a nice thing to do."

"On Valentine's Day?"

"I was trying to be nice! I gave Mai and Momo presents too," she says. "But they laughed at me!"

He laughs at her. "Damn. I really thought you were asking me out for a while there and I kept kicking myself for being a dick to you." 

"I don't think you were all that bad," Kasumi says. "Just a little stoic."

"Am I stoic?"

"No. But you're shy, so you seem stoic." 

"Huh." He considers this. "I guess, yeah."

"Yeah, Momo called you an edgy strong silent type not too long into first year."  

"Wh– no! I'm not edgy," he protests, coughing. "Or strong, for that matter."

"Okay, you're definitely edgy," Kasumi says, raising one eyebrow affectionately. "But I think you're kinda too mushy to be the strong silent type anyway."

"I am not mushy," he protests. 

"Oh, you totally are! Don't worry, though," Kasumi says. "I like it."

"Oh, well, then it's a whole different story." He smiles at her, only half-joking. "I'll make an effort to be even mushier." 

She blushes. "Then I guess we'll have to compete." 

"Oh, God, don't. I have no idea how to handle that stuff. I'll cry immediately. You know this." 

"I know," Kasumi says, grinning. "That's why I'm going to do it." 

"So you want me to cry?"

"Yeah, cry it up, loser." 

"How cruel." He smiles to himself. "Why don't we start on Earthsea?" 

It's a few hours later, after they're finished a chapter of the book and are resting together in a comfortable silence, that he says, "I knew I loved you halfway through first-year." 

She glances up at him. "Huh?" 

"I knew I loved you halfway through first-year," he repeats. "How's that for mush?" 

"Oh my gosh, you're still going on about that?" Kasumi laughs. 

"I'm serious!" He's grinning, but it has a softer edge. "Do you remember… when I was missing from school for, like, a month and a half straight at one point?"

"Of course I do," Kasumi says. "I still wasn't that close to Mai, it was really intimidating being alone with her all the time."

"Yeah, well, it was - well, that whole month was a complete nightmare. I needed surgery and it went wrong and… well, you don't need the details." A strained smile. "That day when I came back I was just - just miserable." He takes a short breath. "You, um, probably don't remember, but you were the only one to welcome me back. You said you missed me and you were happy I was here. And I'd always thought you were cute, but… fuck, you know? Just… fuck. That was… you don't understand how much it meant to me to hear you say that. I literally cried, I sat in class and I muted myself and I just... I just cried and cried." 

Kasumi tries to remember that. It does seem to be there, vaguely - a memory of wondering whether she should go over and talk to him. She'd told him that, and he'd just nodded and said thanks in a gruff voice. 

"I had no idea it meant that much to you," Kasumi says softly. "I just wanted to welcome you back."

"Well, exactly," he says. "Because you were thinking of me, and you worried. Because you're amazing."

"I mean… it just seems like common decency, don't you think?"

"Well, whatever it was, it meant a lot. So thank you."

"Of course," Kasumi says softly. She reaches over to offer to stroke his hair - but pulls back. 

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I… sorry. I keep trying to touch you but you always wince when I do, so..." 

"No, no, it's fine," he says. "It hurts, yeah, but I don't care that much."

"But I don't want to hurt you."

"When everything always hurts, I'd rather have somebody beside me than have it hurt a little less. You know?" He glances at her, as if unsure. "All the things I love are bad for me anyway." 

"I'd like to be good for you," Kasumi protests. 

"And you are," he says. "Now go on."

Carefully, she puts her hand on his head and runs her fingers along his hair. It's shiny and smooth and quite greasy, and his face goes blank, but he takes a breath and relaxes. Her heart aches but she doesn't take her hand away.

"I'm sorry," he says. 

"For what?"

"My hair." His lips twist into an embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry. I know it's gross. I just… I just can't, I've just been… I've been… I just can't." 

"It's okay," Kasumi says. "It doesn't bother me."

"It's okay if it does."

"It doesn't. Bring it on," she says. "I can't look at you and be disgusted. All I can see is you."

"You can't say that," he says. "You don't know the half of it." 

"I'm saying it anyway," she says. "So there."

He gives her a nervous, boyish grin and presses his cheek gently closer to her palm. She puts her other hand on his shoulder, and he takes a deep breath through his nose and relaxes into the touch. 

"I don't know when I started to love you," she tells him. "You've always been sweet. It might have been at the mall… or… I don't know. I know it upset me so much to hear you say all that, earlier, about how you thought nobody would love you…" 

"Silly of me," he says.

"I think - I think I already did by the time you came over on vacation," she says. "And we were on the roof and… and when Mom… and you just gave me a hug and… gah, I don't know. I felt so safe. You know? I just felt like you really thought I was good, like really , you thought I was worth the air that I breathe, and… I felt like you'd take care of me." 

"I will take care of you," he says with a breathless smile. "C'mere." 

He reaches, gestures for her to bend down into a kiss. She does. His lips are chapped and burning hot, as always, and as she kisses him, she lets out a quiet breath of happiness. 

"You're perfect," he mumbles. 

She kisses him again. And again, and again, and again. 

"I hate to say this, but it's getting late," he says ruefully when she pulls back. "You should probably get back for class tomorrow."

"Aww, do I have to?"

"Go on, go on. We'll see each other on the weekend. I love you." 

She kisses him quick, and again for good luck, and he laughs in delight when she pulls back, though the laugh turns into a cough. "I love you too," she says, and turns to gather up her sword and bag. "I'll see you later." 

From: Kokichi. At 11:32 pm. 

"I had a good time today thank you. Wanna go to the zoo this week?" 

She replies: Let's save it until after Halloween OK?  So you can enjoy it fully :) 

He types. Stops. Types. Stops. 

Okay. I will be looking forward to it. 

Chapter Text

Friday, October 12

19 days until Halloween 

"Morning." 

"Mornin'." He's bent across a bug-bot on his bench, etching, sautering, something with metal that'll make Kasumi feel stupid if she asks for an explanation. 

"How are you feeling?" 

A long pause - a short huff. Angry, or upset. 

"Bad day, huh?" 

"No. Not really." His tone is still curt, though. 

"You sound upset." 

"No, it's fine. It's…" He sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm being stupid. I just wish you wouldn't ask me how I'm feeling." 

"Oh. I'm sorry. Is it okay if I ask you how your day is going, then?" 

"Mm. S'alright. Working. You?" 

"Not… great." 

"Oh." He puts down his tools and looks up at her. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, just… you know. Bad thoughts. I guess. My mom and stuff. I don't really wanna talk about it." 

"C'mere." He takes her hand, pulls her close and gives her a half-sideways hug. "You wanna hang around while I build this thing? We could listen to music." 

"Mmh." She presses her forehead to his shoulder, closes her eyes. "Can I sleep over this weekend?" 

He pauses. Makes a little noise in his throat. "What, like… at the dam?" 

"Mhm." 

"I… I mean, I don't know. It's not really, um, equipped. For someone with your needs. There's no bathroom. Or food."

"Oh, well, that's okay. I can go in the woods and bring food." 

"Well… yeah. But… it's not a very nice place to sleep."

"Good enough for you."

"Yeah," with a tense laugh, "but I was a little desperate. You don't really wanna sleep here, do you?" 

"You sound freaked out."

He pauses. "Yeah. Yeah, 'cause I am." 

"Why's it freak you out? It's just me." Kasumi swallows. "I just wanted… you know, to spend time with you, and have some company. That's all."

"I don't, um… nights are rough. I just want to get my fuckin'... like, get my face on before I see you. I don't wanna try and entertain a guest during the mornings, cause mornings are…" He shudders. "Mornings." 

"You don't have to entertain me. I'd be fine just being with you. Maybe it would be nice not to be alone." But, finally, she amends: "You don't have to, if you're not comfortable with it. I'm sorry. I just thought it might be fun, you know, and nice not having to commute and stuff."

"No… yeah. It's - it's okay. Yeah. We can do a sleepover. Yeah. Can I just send you some stuff to read first? I just want you to understand what to expect, you know, in terms of… everything, a little more." 

"Yeah. Of course." She kisses him on the cheek. "Can I still hang out here and listen to music?" 

"Of course." He hugs her quick and motions to a nearby box. "Clear everything off there, I think there's a Bluetooth speaker inside. Put on whatever you like." 

Saturday, October 13

18 days until Halloween 

On the train she reads articles about joint disorders, skin disorders and chronic infection. About insomnia and night terrors and chronic fatigue, nerve pain, osteoporosis, autoimmune disorders. He threw in a bunch of links to pictures of bunnies sticking their tongues out, too, to break up the monotony. 

And: Have you ever watched the Michael Bay Transformers movies? 

"Thought you couldn't stand screens," she says, shifting in her seat as a robot sets up a TV in the corner and positions a sheet of glass in front of it (to block the UV light, he says: it's a little bit janked as a solution, but it works.)

"Can't, really," he says cheerily. "But I'll close my eyes and power through for Starscream." 

"Who's Starscream?" 

He cackles quietly. "He's such a bitch. I fucking hate these movies. You'll love them." 

Two hours later, Kasumi finds herself on the recieving end of a baffling combo of good-natured groaning about the bitch of a migraine Kokichi now has and how the Michael Bay movies totally ruined Starscream, like, come on, it's like they don't understand his character at all! They break shortly after for him to change positions and stuff while she watches the sun set, but when she comes back he's only collected more ammo and proceeds to regale her with every single flaw in the movie they just watched. 

"Why did we watch it if you hate it so much?" Kasumi asks, baffled. 

"Because I love it," Kokichi announces happily. 

"I don't understand you." 

"You don't understand cinema!" 

She sighs affectionately and goes to brush her teeth in the industrial sink in the storeroom and change while the robots turn him. It's quiet except the fluorescent buzz of lights. She wishes there was a mirror, but she makes do with her phone camera and flashlight. 

Which gives her an idea. 

When she comes back in, Kokichi's eyes are closed. She approaches slowly, but he's still awake - he shifts and opens his eyes, and smiles when he sees her like always. "Those pyjamas are cute." 

She looks down and blushes. "They're just old clothes." Hand-me-downs from the neighbour's daughter before she moved out - Hello Kitty shirt and worn-out blue pants.

"You could make anything look good." He raises his arm in invitation. She sits on his bed, and he drapes his arm over her knees, but quickly frowns and takes it off again. 

"Kokichi," she says, hesitating, "can I take a picture?" 

"A picture? Of what?" 

"Of us together. It's just - I don't think I have any, and I'd like one." 

"Sure. You can take one next time you go outside, I'll bring up the prototype model." He yawns and makes a quiet noise of discomfort.

"Why not us right now, like this?" 

He doesn't answer. Kasumi's heart beats fast. "I mean, you don't have to. I know screens bother you but I figured since you already have a migraine and all, it probably can't get any worse - right? Unless it can. I'm sorry-"

"That's not the issue," he says. "I don't want pictures of my real face."

This is the part where Kasumi's supposed to say, okay , and just settle quietly. But she knows why he doesn't want pictures of himself and she thinks it's stupid, but she can't say so, so she just says, "Why not?" 

"Because I look gross," he says curtly.

"I don't think you look gross."

"You're you. You'd call a toad cute." 

"Toads are cute," she says defensively. "And you're not a toad, you're my boyfriend."

No reply. 

"You could turn your face to the side you like best," she suggests.

"No good. My lips and nose are all scarred on both sides." 

"Scars are cool."

"Not these ones. I look like someone shoved my face into a blender." 

"That doesn't matter. I love your face."

"Again, you're you." 

"So what if I'm me? Doesn't my love mean anything to you?" she asks, indignant. 

"It means the world to me, Kasumi, but it doesn't make me attractive." 

"You don't need to be a supermodel to have a picture taken of you," she says. "I'm not that good-looking either. It's about the memories you make." 

"Not that good-looking-" He scoffs. "Are you kidding? You're a solid ten. You're smart, and kind, and you're strong and you're fucking beautiful. Anyone in their right mind would adore you." 

She blushes, but refuses to be put off track. "So? I don't understand why it matters." 

"Yes you do!" He takes a breath. "Sorry. I just mean that I... You know what I'm talking about. You know that I'm– you know."

"That you're what? That you're sick? What does that matter? It doesn't make you gross-"

A rancorous noise in the back of his throat. "Alright, and is that supposed to be my fault that I feel that way? What, how am I supposed to feel? Is it my fault I feel shitty about it?"

"Well, no-"

"Then how am I supposed to feel? What, am I just supposed to stand above it all? Love myself or whatever? Well, I can't, okay?! Would you just let me fucking say as much?!" 

This time it's Kasumi's turn to stare silently into the dark. 

"I'm sorry," he sighs. "I'm not really mad at you. I just… you know." 

"It's okay." She kisses his hand. "I pushed you too far. I'm sorry." 

"Yeah, but that's no excuse to yell." He clicks his tongue. "I'm making my own point." 

"S'not your fault if your temper is short. You're in pain." 

"Yeah, but I'm not three years old. I should be able to control myself enough not to hurt you."

"Okay," she says. "I'll grant that you shouldn't have. I still love you to bits. All's forgiven." 

"Okay." He kisses her neck. She kisses his hand. 

"I know you feel crappy about your face," she says. "It's alright. You don't have to beat yourself up over it. But I think you look fine, for what it's worth." 

"I know," he sighs. "But I don't. I just can't get over - I, like, I just… ugh, you know, the scars and the - the oozing and just - I can't stand the idea of someone seeing it and pitying me and I'm not even there to defend myself, I'm just some fucking creature in a photograph. I mean, imagine if it got onto the Internet - God-" His face twists. 

"It wouldn't ever get onto the Internet. I promise." 

"I know, but still - it's just that– in stories, right? In stories, it's always, it's always– this gorgeous, loving woman and this grimy creepy basement-dwelling man-child who doesn't deserve her, or like, the ugly rich guy with a bunch of hot women he pays to be nice to him… I don't know. It gets to me. It's bad enough to be alone with it but… I don't want a picture that looks like that. I don't want people to see it and think and… talk and… you know?" 

"Kokichi… is that really how you see yourself?" 

"Well - yeah, to be honest, fucking sometimes it is, okay?! I'm fucking gross, and I know I'm fucking gross, I fucking smell like rotting meat or some shit and I ooze and I bleed and I go septic, like, annually, and why would anyone want to kiss that ?! So then I'm like, it must because I'm - because I have money, or because I can fight, or something, I don't know, something that makes you want to be with me, something that I can bribe you with, because it's that or I'm coercing you!" 

She frowns at him. "Do you really think I'd date you if that's what this was?" 

"No! No, of course not. It's just the optics, you know? The optics are bad." 

"The optics of you dating me are bad because I don't have scars on my face and you do?" She sighs. "You really don't have to if you don't want to, but that's a silly reason. I just wanted a picture with you. You know, so I can look back at it and smile. Who knows, maybe in a few years you'll even want to remember your old face." 

"I doubt it," he says, but no longer with any conviction. And then, begrudgingly, "We can take a picture if you really want, as long as you promise not to show it to anyone else." 

"Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"Yeah. As long as I get to be on the other side." 

She giggles. "Okay." She climbs around him carefully, rearranging the blankets after her, and pulls her phone out of her pocket. She points it away from him as she turns it on. "You should turn the lights up, if you can stand it. The camera won't catch us in this gloom." 

The lights get brighter and brighter, and less green, until the room is full of half-light. Kokichi looks different in the whiter light, and he winces back, covering his eyes. He turns so that the biggest scar on the side of his cheek is obscured by the pillow. 

In the new light, like one of those two-picture illusions, Kasumi sees her strong, gentle, shy boyfriend who loves building machines, overlaid with a weak, emaciated boy, scarred and quivering against the light. The second thought comes without her permission, and she recoils, dismisses it with prejudice. 

"Is the light okay?" he asks. 

Feeling a little guilty, Kasumi says, "Mhm. Sorry if it hurts."

"S'okay. Let's just get this done." A robot beckons for her phone and she turns off the camera flash and gives it to him. He angles it at the bed, ready to take the picture. 

"Okay." Kasumi lies back on the bed close to Kokichi, giving the camera a big peace sign. "Smile!" 

He takes his hand off his eyes and looks at the camera. He winces, but smiles, hesitant and plastic. 

"Come on," she says. "Think about something you love. What's something funny?" 

"I don't know," he says through his smile. He's shaking. "Can't think of anything." 

"Think of the scene in Transformers where Bumblebee pees." 

A sharp cackle. "Horrible! Worst scene! Shut up!" But her phone clicks, and he laughs again.

The lights immediately swap back to the soft red lighting, and Kokichi is laughing madly. The robot passes her phone back, and she turns away from Kokichi so he doesn't catch the light. He waits, watching her carefully.

Kasumi flicks through to her favourite. It's a live photo, which happened entirely by accident but she's glad. It's dark and grainy but readable. The moment plays over and over under her fingers - Kokichi's eyes widen and his smile turns into a sharp, gleeful thing, made mischievous by his crooked teeth. He turns towards her, exclaiming, his eyes scrunched up and his smile wide. Meanwhile, she laughs too, devilishly, her eyes closed and face turned up. She looks flat and pale and grainy in the light - for a second, she thinks, smiling makes my cheeks look fat, but she dismisses it quickly. They freeze that way, smiling together. 

He paws at her hand. "Text that to me." 

She texts it to his number and watches his eyes unfocus as he looks at it through a robot. She half-expects him to frown, but he smiles breathlessly. "Wow."

"Good photo?" 

"You're beautiful." He falls silent for another moment. "You've converted me. Next time I take you somewhere, I'm taking pictures."

"Sounds like a plan." 

"Mmhm." He smiles and turns himself over with a robot, coughs a couple times into the pillow and closes his eyes. Frowns. 

She puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Tired?" 

"Nnn," he says. "Migraine's… less bearable now." 

"Maybe you should head to sleep." 

"Mmhm." A robot comes over with some medication, but she can't make out the label in the dark. "Gonna take my knockout meds, if that's okay. I set up a bed for you in the storage room while we were talking. It's temperature controlled." 

"Of course. Sleep well." She kisses him on the forehead. "Stay or go?"

"Stay until I've fallen asleep?" 

"Of course." 

Sunday, October 14

17 days until Halloween 

When she wakes and returns to his room, he's still asleep in his bed half-reclined and snoring so loud she can hear him from the hall. She checks her phone - it's already seven o'clock. But given that he regularly texts her at four in the morning, probably better to let him sleep. 

She makes her way through the long damp hallways to the top of the dam. The sun's just barely risen, and the sky is pale yellow around the edges, the air chilly and damp. She sits down beside the door and pulls her knees up to her chest. 

It's pretty out here, almost enough to make her feel sad that the dam will probably get destroyed. A couple months ago she might have meditated, tried to practice her cursed energy. She stares at the sky, her fingers playing on the hilt of her sword. She doesn't even remember bringing it up here. A sense of dread crawls through her as she listens to the birdsong, and she shivers and takes out her phone. Scrolls through some games mindlessly, since she doesn't get good service here. Momo and Nitta are probably up, if not Mai, but she doesn't have the heart to text them. 

Everything used to be so loud. How long has it been since she was all alone in a quiet place with nothing to do like this? She doesn't like it much. Life is easier when there's something to do, to take your mind off things, or maybe that's just trying to escape the heavy dread that's settled across her. She is afraid. Every inch into the future is another calamity. And she doesn't know how much longer she can beat the dread, eroding the edges of her until she is ragged and worn out. 

The door creaks open, and she glances up and sideways. One of the chunkier robots emerges, voicebox crackling with dull static. He looks at her. "Hey," he says. "You're up early. Good morning." There's a tone in his voice like he's fighting through pain just to speak. 

She reaches up and brushes her fingers against his leg, unable to muster up more than that half-hearted comfort. "Good morning. Sorry I didn't come to see you." 

"S'alright. Mornings are hard, I get it." He coughs. Sits down next to her. "You look sad." 

"Mm." 

"You wanna be alone?" 

Kasumi shakes her head dully. 

"Okay." He receives her with one open arm, folding around her in a chilly metal embrace. He pulls her tight to his side. "You wanna -" He coughs. "Wanna talk about it?" 

She shakes her head again. 

"Alright," he says, and presses his forehead to the crown of her hair. He falls silent, interrupted only occasionally by coughs or quiet involuntary groans. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asks. 

He hesitates, but shakes his head. "No. It's nothing that needs talking about." He coughs. "This helps, though." 

"This?" 

He squeezes her shoulder. 

She nods and kisses his shoulder in turn, finally mustering a smile. "When did we both get so sad?" 

He laughs at that, bright and surprised, and then breaks out into a harsh coughing fit. "That's a good fucking question! Should we stop?" 

"No. I have to be sad. It would be wrong not to."

"Why?" 

"Because you might die and you're sick and hurting and my life is over and Hiroki's probably going to die because of me."

"Oh, yeah. Right. That." He hums. "But I might get better, though, and so might you." 

"Yeah, but for what? Just to go back to being a second-rate sorcerer?" 

"Then don't be a sorcerer. I'll be a sorcerer and you can - you can do whatever you want, you could be a teacher or a doctor or a, uh, a housewife, I don't give a fuck. You could collect rare pinball machines for all I care, whatever makes you happy."

"What if you die as a sorcerer?" 

"Have you met me? That's, like, the only thing I can't die of." 

"Okay, but if Hiroki-"

"Hiroki won't be a sorcerer, and even if he is, he's stronger than you think. He'll be fine." 

"But… nn." Kasumi shakes her head, frustrated, though she doesn't understand why. 

"You're just worrying 'cause you're worried," Kokichi says plainly. "And because you've been out here moping for half an hour and you're all used to it. Right? Come on. I'll pick up your slack, you pick up mine. There's nothing you can do about any of it right now. Actually, I'll make you a deal. Let's just both pretend everything is for sure going to be fine, okay?" 

She closes her eyes. She wants to call him a hypocrite but all she does is nod. "Okay." 

"Okay. So I'm excited for Mai's party," he says. 

"Me too." 

"What decorations do you think it needs?"

"It's just a promotion to semi-second grade…" 

"It's the first party I've ever planned." A delighted smile in his voice, even as he wheezes a little between words. "It has to be good. Do I commission a cake? Maybe a coffee cake? Does Mai like coffee cake?" 

Kasumi can't help but laugh. "You're overthinking this."

"I'm serious!" he insists. "If it's great, everyone will come. I'm not gonna plan a boring, dumb party just because I've never been to one before. It has to be good, Kasumi, it just has to be." 

"I think she likes coffee cake," Kasumi says. "But you'd be better off asking Momo."

"Right. This'll be the best party ever. You watch me."

"Alright, alright! There'll always be more parties, though…" 

"Yes! And we'll go when I'm better," he promises. "We'll go on exciting dates. Like to the movies, or the aquarium, or… or we'll play sports or something. No more hanging around in bed." 

"I don't mind hanging around in bed," Kasumi says. 

"Well, that's good, because I do a hell of a lot of it. I'll introduce you to my parents," he says, pivoting topics at an alarming rate. "You'll do great with Yuki." 

"Your parents?" Kasumi blinks, surprised. "But I thought…" 

"When I'm better," he says. "I'll go find them again. When I can run to them myself and they don't have to worry about me anymore. And we'll be together." He holds her tight - probably too tight. "We'll be able to do anything we want. We could travel. Where would you want to go?"

Kasumi stops - she's never thought about travel before, never considered being able to afford the planes, the hotels, the… "Italy, or… or Brazil, or Korea or France or London or - or - New York," she says, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice, "somewhere exciting." 

"Then we'll go somewhere exciting, and that's a promise," he says. "We'll stay for weeks and weeks. You can buy whatever you want. We'll go exploring, and dancing, and go to restaurants. Doesn't that sound like fun?" 

"It does!" Exhilarated, she kisses his hand - hesitates. "But you have to live, first-"

He presses his hand over her mouth. "We had an agreement," he says. 

"Then…"

"Then?"

"Then let's go see your parents first," she says. "Just to let them know you're good. And then we'll go to France." 

"It's a deal," he says. "I'm sure the bounty from killing Mahito and Geto will pay our way. We won't have to worry about a thing. Whether we can fight won't matter. It'll be great." 

"Yeah," Kasumi breathes. "It'll all be good." She smiles. It's a trembling, delicate thing. He takes her face in his hand, as if to protect it, but it doesn't make her happiness feel any less fragile. 

"Alright, then," he says. "Let's find you some breakfast and I'll take my bath." An affectionate smile. "And then we can do whatever you want." 

Monday, October 15

17 days until Halloween

His coughing and lethargy make themselves known at the start of the week, despite his efforts to hide it. Mai and Momo try their best to ignore it whenever he's interrupted by a fit of painful coughing, whenever he taps out of a conversation to lean against the wall and go dark for a minute or two. Maybe they figure he's always been this way. But Kasumi notices. She notices all too much. 

Mai, a little braver than Momo, pulls him aside after class discussion ends. "You don't sound too hot."

A dull clank as he fidgets with one hand. "What makes you think it's any of your business?" 

"Uh, it's called basic human decency." 

"It'd help a lot more if you could be my friend and not my doctor." 

"'Kay," Mai says, unflinching at his blunt tone. "Train with me this afternoon?" 

"Yeah. I got missions, though." 

"No problem. Text me." 

He comes by Kasumi's dorm room after missions and sparring, flakes out on her bed with his arms splayed out over the sides and doesn't talk much except to say that Mai's hand-to-hand is improving. He's a little banged up, but nothing serious. Kasumi's reading webnovels in her spare time, just something for her eyes to flicker across while she leans against her wall with her legs pressed up against his. She wonders sometimes if he's doing something on the other end, splitting his time with her while he tinkers with something, watches anime or puts finishing touches on his mechs. 

"Is there anything you wanna do?" she asks him. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, since you're here, and I'm free." Well, relatively. She has homework she's ignoring because frankly she has bigger fish to fry. 

"Ugh." He covers his face with one hand. "Sorry, not groaning at you. Just…"

"Tired?"

"So tired."

"Need to go see a movie and have fun tired, or need to take a nap tired?" 

"Both." 

"Wanna go sleep through a movie?" 

He laughs, weary and surprised and happy. God, she loves that laugh. "Okay." 

They pick some action movie for him to sleep through - something with no plot, for optimal napping. Call Sugimoto and ask if she's free to drive them someplace, and the whole time in the car, Kokichi's face makes dull ringing sounds against the glass of the window, they hold hands across the middle, and Sugimoto casts supportive, proud glances from the front seat. 

The movie is indeed plotless, but Kasumi's not paying much attention either. Kokichi's forgotten to mute. He snores gently, attracting dirty looks from the other moviegoers, but Kasumi strangely can't bring herself to care. 

"That was definitely the third most expensive nap I've ever taken," he says after the movie is done, as they stumble through the lobby.

She laughs. "You think you're going to be up to attending Mai's promotion party?" 

"I hope so!" 

"I hope so too." She leans her head against his shoulder, even though it's bumpy since they're both walking. "It sounds like fun." 

Just two more days until the party, and Kokichi has purchased a black bag of fancy coffee beans whose price made Kasumi want to pass out. They now take pride of place on her desk because, while he has the work ethic of a monster, he somehow is too lazy - or too caught up in hanging out - to return them to his dorm room.

"And anyway," he's saying, "I don't mind the tropes, so much, it's just I get a little sick of them, you know? And it depends on the mood. Sometimes I wanna watch some trash, sometimes - oh. Your phone is ringing."

So it is. 

"It's from Hiroki," Kasumi says when she checks the caller ID, and why is Hiroki calling her anyway? Is something wrong? "Can I-" 

"Yeah, sure." 

She puts him on speaker. "Hey, Hiroki." 

"Hey." Hiroki's voice sounds kinda stuffy, not to mention tinny through her crappy phone speaker. "How's it goin'?"

"Good," she says, and adds, "Kokichi is here, just so you know," in case he was planning on saying anything personal. 

"...Who the hell is Kokichi?" 

Kasumi glances up at Kokichi in confusion, but he just coughs, an awkward, muffled sound. "Um, Mechamaru." 

Oh, crap. Sorry! Kasumi mouths, but Kokichi waves her off like it's nothing. 

"Kokichi, huh?" Hiroki is grinning, now, a devilish grin she can picture all too well. "Is that so? You're on a first name basis?" 

"Nice try, little man," Kokichi says. "It's not a secret anymore. We kissed." 

"What?!" 

"Not a secret anymore?!" Kasumi demands, a laugh already bubbling at the back of her throat. "What - have you two been conspiring?" 

"He's been conspiring to embarrass me!" Kokichi says vehemently, just as Hiroki says, "You kissed?!" even louder. 

"We kissed like two weeks ago." 

"Kokichi!" Kasumi protests. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hiroki is firmly on the back foot now, incredulous. "How'd you pull that off? No offense - uh, whatever I'm supposed to call you now - but she is out of your league."

"Couldn't agree more," Kokichi says with unbridled enthusiasm. 

"Are you kidding?" Kasumi rolls her eyes. "He's a rich, well-connected semi-first-grade sorcerer-"

"Ugly as sin," Kokichi interjects. "And not rich." 

"And an antisocial shut-in!" 

"Hey, hey, hey." Kasumi breaks in. "That's too far, Hiroki-"

"It's okay," Kokichi says, "it's true-"

"Yeah, but you can't help it and it's mean. And what does that have to do with anything, anyway? If anyone's out of anyone's league, it's you. Out of mine, I mean." 

"Please don't get sappy on the phone," Hiroki says. 

"And you're not off the hook either," Kasumi says. "Did you seriously know he liked me?" 

"Did you not?"

"Of course not." 

"Dude, you fell asleep on his chest. He carried you inside, bridal style. He lent you his hoodie and made you dinner. He slept on the floor in the living room of our apartment for you. He is fucking whipped." 

"Don't swear." 

"It's true!"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Hey," Hiroki says, all serious all of a sudden. "You don't do that. It's the bro code." Then, brighter: "And it all worked out in the end, didn't it?"

"Barely!" 

"Barely's still there." He laughs. "Man. When are you gonna tell Mom?" 

Kasumi swallows. "I don't know if I will, to be honest." 

"She's gonna find out sometime. And she's gonna be really mad if it's not you who tells her."

"I know, I know. I just…" I don't want to come clean about it to everyone just to have him die a month later. "I want to wait a little while longer. I don't want her to think I'm messing around at school when I should be working, either." Kokichi cocks his head at her. She ignores him. 

"Well, are you?" 

Well… now that he mentions it, she hasn't done much homework since they started dating, but it's not really because of that, it's because - well, because. "No," Kasumi says. "I've been training every day." Which is semi-true - she does her katas to calm herself down.

"Then just tell her that."

"You know it's not that simple."

"...Yeah. I guess, yeah."

"Anyway, why'd you call me? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine, just wanted to talk to you…" 

And they chat for a while, about Hiroki's friends and his studies, about the anime he likes and Kenji and Mom and everything that's happened while Kasumi's been ignoring her family, though Hiroki doesn't say that last part. The heavy sick feeling lies heavy in Kasumi's stomach even as she laughs at his anecdotes. She's been sending her salary home, still, and Mom probably assumes the reason she isn't getting any more mission money is because Kasumi's saving it up for another surprise. Oh, God. 

While Hiroki's talking about track and field, Kokichi reaches over, pats her arm and takes her hand. It's like he can read her mind. 

Thankfully, Hiroki doesn't put Mom on the phone - just leaves her with a slightly ominous, "You should call more, Mom's been asking about you. Mechamaru, too." 

"Me?"

"Yeah. Kenji keeps asking when the robot's coming back." 

Kokichi coughs, a little too harsh to be just for effect. "Tell them I'm doing well." 

"Will do. Kasumi, you're gonna call Mom, right?"

"R… right." Kasumi hesitates. "Do you think you can stall her until, like, November?"

"November? But that's weeks away." 

"I just - need some time to think about my career without talking to her about it, you know?" 

"Okay. I'll do my best. Good luck."

"Thanks. You too. Love you."

"Love you."

He hangs up. Kasumi drops her phone to her lap and stares for a while at the lock screen. It's her and Kokichi - well, Mechamaru - at a café near the start of the month. How was she smiling so wide?

Kokichi leans over and nudges her into a hug, and she falls gratefully against his chest. It's only then she realizes how hard her heart is beating, and she closes her eyes and breathes out hard. 

"Am I distracting you from your schoolwork?" he asks. 

"Yes. But please don't stop, I…" Words swirl in her throat, but she can't find an excuse for everything she's doing so she just shuts her eyes tight. Something vague and tearful echoes back and forth across her skull, and she bites back an awkward weight. 

"Are you okay?" he asks softly. 

She exhales, a small noise. "Everything's going wrong, Kokichi," she says finally, even though she didn't mean to tell the truth. "It's like - everything is wrong all of a sudden. I feel like things used to make sense, but I don't remember when." 

"What? What's going wrong?" His fingers through her hair, and she shivers. 

"Just - Mom, and my fighting, and my career, and my schoolwork, and - and you, and everything is going to Hell and there's nothing I can do but wait."

He starts to answer, but a coughing fit cuts him off. It's a long one, and brutal. Still, the robot's shoulders are steady, and instead of speaking he just hugs her right. Kasumi tries to ignore the sound, just focus on his fingers around her shoulder. 

"It's gonna be okay," he says once he's recovered, though his voice is hoarse. "Kasumi, look at me. Hey. Look into my eyes." 

She does. Jewel-green eyes, lit up from within. His head shifts minutely to the side, as if he really lives in that body. "It's going to be okay," he repeats. 

She bites her lip so it doesn't pull into a tearful expression. "I don't even know how it could be okay." 

"I promise," he says. Pulls her tight to his chest. "I-" Coughs again. "I promise everything will be okay. I'm sorry. It's all my fault, but I promise I'll take care of it."  

"What?" She laughs despite herself. "How is it your fault?" 

"I'm the one who got you sick, ruined your career. I'm distracting you from your schoolwork. I'm the one stressing you out with my disease and putting myself in danger."

"Oh, stop it. I don't care about that-"

"But clearly you do. It's driving you crazy, I can see it. You didn't used to look this tired all the time." 

"It's not stuff that you did. It's stuff that we went through. Together. Okay? Whatever happens we'll go through it together." 

He hugs her tighter for a moment, rests his head on hers. "Kasumi," he says quietly. "I'm strong. I survived before you came along. It isn't on you to make me feel better. Please, can you think about yourself for a second? Even if it's just for me?" 

"...I'm just tired of worrying." And her voice is so small. "I'm tired of being useless. I wish I could help you, or myself, or Hiroki or Mom or - or anyone." 

"You're a good sister," he says. "And a good girlfriend, and a good daughter. You're a good person. You don't have to do anything more than you're already doing." 

"Then why does it still feel so bad?" 

"It won't last forever. I promise. It never does." His hand curls around the curve of her neck as he shifts, his voice a murmur at the top of her head. She closes her eyes. "No matter what happens, things will be good again. You're going to live through this." 

"Not without you." Her voice cracks and her face crumples - embarrassing, she thinks, even as she presses closer into him. "I don't want you to die." He is so solid and it doesn't make any sense, nothing makes any sense. 

"Then I'll live," he says. "And I'll take care of you. And everything will be okay. I promise." 

Tuesday, October 16

16 days until Halloween 

She trains, though it means nothing - katas at six in the morning even when she went to bed at midnight. Her sword at her hip in class, while studying, while walking, the residual glow of cursed energy now stronger in the blade than in her arms that hold it, dull in her eyes. 

Without cursed energy, her perceptions change. Sparring seems impossibly fast, impossibly strong. Kokichi's robots seem as strange as the first day she saw him. He'd walked into class and over his brief explanation and the introductions, Kasumi'd barely given it any mind. She hadn't understood why this robot needed an explanation but Mai was allowed to have a magic gun and that was never explained at all, at least until far after they'd become friends and Kasumi had mustered up the courage to ask her. Now, again, everything seems new and strange, like she's wandering through a world where she doesn't belong.

Kokichi's busy building things. His mechs, he informs her - he's got a big one ready for the fight, and he's cutting down on sparring to save up his cursed energy - and a slim set of earpieces that'll let him call Gojo for backup without having to handle a phone. "In case I lose my technique along with my Restriction," he says. His voice has lost some edge, these past few days, his vowels kind of weak, consonants slurred, a little slower now. "Best to be able to operate it hands-free and cursed-energy-free." 

Maybe it's defeatist, but it all seems pointless to Kasumi. She holds the earpiece in the palm of her hand. It looks like a copper knockoff of an AirPod. Does he really think he's going to get the chance to use it? 

"If you're going to call Gojo anyway, why not just tell him now?" 

"I don't want to get executed," he says with a shrug. "Best not take my chances."

"If you call him during the fight won't you just get executed anyway?" 

"Maybe. But if I call him during the fight it'll be because I'd die anyway without him."

"A last resort."

"Yeah, exactly."

"Do you really think you can beat Mahito?" 

"I know I can." He takes the earpiece back. "I have the firepower and I have as many Simple Domains as I could manufacture ready to go." 

"So… will you?"

He laughs and coughs at that, and Kasumi laughs too, though hesitating, trying to figure out how it was funny. "Yeah. I promised, didn't I?" 

Kasumi bites her cheek. 

Cough, cough. He clears his throat, a stuttering sound like an engine that won't start. "I know it doesn't seem like I'm that cool," he says. "But I'm much better at fighting than I am at being a human being. Give me some credit here, okay?" 

"I do think you're cool. You're a cool human being, too," Kasumi protests with a small smile. 

"Good! So once I finish calibrating these and putting some final touches on my big mech, we'll hang out for real. Okay? Anything -" Cough - "Anything you want to do." 

He keeps his promise. They go out into town, out walking. He used all of his brain power on the headset so he just listens, occasionally coughing or adding remarks, while Kasumi talks about whatever - her brothers, her childhood, some earrings she wants to buy. She thinks about asking him about the charm bracelet she found in his room a while ago, but decides against it, eventually. 

They walk until a bright sign catches Kasumi's eye - an arcade. When he sees her face, Kokichi laughs and then coughs. They always come together these days. Kasumi smiles at him, delighted to have made him happy, even more delighted that just the sight of her happy could make him happy. 

"Wanna go in?" he asks. 

"Aren't you tired?" 

"Live a little!" 

And the noises, and the lights, and the way Kokichi looks around when they go in, and the people - and the way he puts an arm around her protectively when she looks overwhelmed and pulls her close and the noises and she can't help but start smiling. 

He wins her a bunny rabbit, she wins him a ponderous little polar bear. She wins at Table Flip, he wins at Street Fighter. "I used to go to arcades like this all the time," he says. He's still speaking softly but turning up his volume over the noise, and it sounds weird and buzzy. "With Utahime." 

She, on the other hand, has to shout a little. "What? Really? Why?" 

"It was part of my training. Er, rehab? Training?" He shrugs. "Getting used to all the noises." 

"What changed?" 

"I got busy. Oh - let's try that one." And as he makes a beeline for an unattended claw machine - "But this is nice. Louder than I remember, though." 

"Yeah, I bet!" 

He wins her a stuffed crocodile. Over her armful of prizes - "Dang, you're good at this!" 

He laughs and coughs. "You are too. I don't even remember which one is yours and which one is mine." 

"Aww! We can share them!" 

"Sure. Are you gonna name them all?" 

"Are you joking?" 

They bounce from game to game for another few minutes before, predictably, Kokichi starts to flag. Well, more than he was flagging already. His breaks turn from thirty-second quiet periods to full minutes of leaning against a wall in the corner and groaning slightly. 

"We're going home," Kasumi says. 

"No," he protests, "I'll be fine, I just-"

"I don't wanna hear it," she says. "We're going home. Come on." 

She texts Sugimoto, who says she's busy but she'll send someone else. Outside, he leans against the wall and his breathing is harsh and wheezing, punctuated by breathless coughing. She tells him to take deep breaths, and he says, "I know," sharply, and then murmurs, "Sorry," and she puts an arm around his shoulders and tells him it's alright. 

"It's just - annoying," he says. "I just want to have fun."

"You'll have plenty of time and energy in November," Kasumi says. "For now, we can just take it easy, okay?" 

"You really believe that?" he asks, voice thin. 

No, she doesn't really believe that, and she was kind of banking on the fact that he believed it, but she can't stop and get caught up in the realization that it was all just bluster. So she lies to her boyfriend's face. "Yeah. I believe you can do this because I believe in you. So just chill out, okay? It'll pass soon, and you'll have a better time tomorrow. We can go to Mai's party together." 

"Okay," he says. "Mai's party. Yeah. I'm… I'm sorry. I'm just trying to - to push through everything, you know? Just - endure. I'm sorry it's still interfering." 

"Don't be sorry. Just rest. We'll go to an arcade in November. The zoo, too." 

"Might be a little cold for the zoo in November." 

"Next summer, then." 

"Next summer," he repeats dully. "Next summer." 

She spends the time waiting for the car by naming each and every stuffed animal they won. Gatorade, for the gator, and Jujube the bear, and Bugs the bunny. ("That's derivative," says Kokichi. "You're derivative," says Kasumi.)

He mutes in the car home, and they hold hands, and Kasumi's head rings with the joyful noise of arcade machines all around and she closes her eyes and thinks, November. 

Wednesday, October 17

15 days until Halloween 

From: Kokichi. At 4:37 am. "Hey Kasumi. I crashed big time. Can't go to the party. Take the coffee to Kamo for me please."

She only sees the message when her alarm goes off at six-thirty, at which point her heart sinks.

Aw no :( you want me to sit with you? 

No I'm okay just go to the party and have fun. 

You sure?? 

I'm certain. 

She sighs and gets on with her morning routine. 

The get-together is scheduled at noon as the third-year classes let out, which gives her enough time to have a shower, go on a gentle walk, gather up her things, and fetch the coffee from Kokichi's dorm. Mechamaru's draped across a box next to the table when she comes in, and the bribe for Kamo is on the workbench - a black bag of coffee beans. She doesn't know enough about coffee to tell how nice it is, but knowing him and Kamo it probably is pretty expensive. She takes it and stoops down, calling gently, "Kokichi?" 

No answer. 

"Kokichi?" She taps his shoulder.

He looks up at her. "Hm?"

"I'm just here to fetch the coffee, but I also wanted to say I'm sorry you're sick for the party. I know how much you were looking forward to it."

"Whatever," he murmurs. "Shoulda known anyway. Stupid disease gotta screw me over till the very end."

"I'm sorry," Kasumi says again. "Is there anything you want me to tell the others?"

"Nah," he says. "Don't mention me at all. Don't wanna -" A wet cough. "Don't wanna bring down the atmosphere." 

"...If that's what you want." She kisses the top of his head, pats his arm. "Text me if you need anything. Love you." 

"Yeah. Thanks. Love you. Enjoy." And he shuts down again. 

Kasumi sighs and heads out. 

She's at the caf right on time, twelve on the dot. Nitta arrives at pretty much the same time as her with a Tupperware of homemade cookies, but they're both too awkward to talk to each other. 

When she goes in, everyone else is already there, and the middle table is littered with treats. Momo has brought her portable speaker which is playing a vaguely familiar idol song. Mai is sitting on the table on the far end, eating a bag of chips all by herself, Todo is conducting the music with dramatic tears in his eyes, and Kamo is sitting next to him and trying desperately to study. Momo is the only one who seems to be sitting normally. 

"Heyyy!" Momo waves from her seat. "Oh, my gosh, you guys are late!"

"We're right on time, Momo! You're just early!" Kasumi teases. "Hey, Mai. Congrats on the promotion." 

"Hey!" Mai waves at her, her mouth full of chips. "Thanks, bro." 

"Early, schmearly!" Momo gets up and goes to meet them, snatching the coffee and chips and putting them on the table. "C'mon! You can play whatever you want on the speaker as long as it's after the previous queue." 

"Yeah, what's even playing right now? It sounds kinda neat." 

"Neat? Neat! Clearly you lack the ability to appreciate Takada's ethereal voice!" Todo booms. Beside him, Kamo winces and turns back to his book. 

Oh, that's where Kasumi recognizes the song from, it's some B-list Nobuko Takada song, Ring Ring or something. 

"Why did we invite him again?" Momo asks with a good-natured grin. 

"Seconded," Kamo says.

"Speak for yourself, dude!" Mai laughs. "Why did you even come if you're just going to study the whole time?"

"I was bribed," Kamo says. 

He and Mai continue to talk, but Nitta taps Kasumi on the shoulder. "Um, where should I put the cookies?"

"Right on the table," she says. "Did you bake them yourself?"

"Y– yeah! I did, I hope everyone enjoys them." His voice is hard to hear over the music and chatter.

"I think I'll have one right now," Kasumi says, cracking open the Tupperware and taking a bite. It is, of course, amazing - chewy and chocolatey and crunchy and everything a cookie should be. 

"Well, how are they?"

"Nitta, these are great! You're a genius!"

"Ha! Thanks." He smiles. "I like to bake to de-stress sometimes."

"That's a good strategy," Kasumi says. "Probably healthier than fighting! Hah."

"Oh, but you haven't been for the past month or so, right? Are you still injured? Sorry if I'm being nosy, it's just, I've been meaning to ask. And maybe I can help!" He holds up his hands and fires off a bit of cursed energy. "You know?"

"It's not that kind of injury," Kasumi says, "but I appreciate it, really. You know, it feels like I never talk to you! Isn't it lonely being in a class on your own?"

"Oh, it's alright," he says. "But I do live in hope that one day they'll find a friend for me."

"I'll be your friend," Kasumi says. "Come on, let's go sit down."

The Takada song ends and another begins as they head over. It's classical. Kamo looks extremely pleased for a moment, until Mai, Todo and Momo simultaneously move to skip it, at which point all four start tussling over the speaker. Snatches of the starts of songs play at seemingly random. A few safe metres away from the scuffle, Kasumi and Nitta eat their 'potluck' food in peace, which really means they pig out on junk food that was meant for Mai. 

Eventually Todo emerges victorious and sets off on a 'three-album-long odyssey of high art.' The music is just okay, but it's got a bouncy, infectious rhythm that has Kasumi dancing a bit in her seat and smiling even as Mai harasses her for eating the last of the Doritos. Nitta can only laugh, seeming delighted. Todo starts to lip-sync to every word of every song using an empty Pringles can as a microphone.

It's a few minutes of watching Todo perform before Kamo comes up to her, frowning, and pulls her aside. "Excuse me," he says. "Do you know when Mechamaru will be arriving? He's quite late."

"Ah." Kasumi grimaces slightly. "Sorry, he's not coming."

"Ah. Is he busy?"

"No, he's calling in sick. Your coffee's on the table though." 

"I know," Kamo says. "It's good quality too. That's why I was wondering in the first place." He pauses. "Pardon me if this is intrusive but is he not… always calling in sick, as it were?" 

"He is, but some days are worse than others."

A tap on Kasumi's shoulder from the side. "You guys talking about Mechamaru? Is he not coming?"

"Ah! Oh my gosh, Mai, don't sneak up on me like that," Kasumi says. "Yeah, we are, and no, he's not." 

Mai puts her legs up on the bench and swings them back and forth. "Well, he did organize like half of this and come up with it," she says. "Seems a little weird to dip without a word like that. I don't care if he doesn't talk much or whatever. But he should at least show."

"Like I said," Kasumi says, "he's really not in good shape today."

"Perhaps we should go wish him well," Kamo says. "It seems rude to go on without acknowledging him." 

"Hey, yeah!" Mai says, to Kasumi's surprise. "One good turn deserves another and all that crap. Hey, Momo, let's go visit Mechamaru!"

"Huh? Sure, I'm down. Let's bring the party to him!" 

"I– I don't think that's a good idea," Kasumi says, eyeing Todo still bellowing out the words to every song. "We might be able to visit him, though." 

"Sure, whatever. Is he chill with that?" 

She pulls her phone out and tunes the others out to type: You okay with some visitors? 

Sure? he responds.

Well, that's probably the best she's gonna get. 

"He's okay with it," she announces. "Just the robot, though. He's in his dorm room." When she looks up, the music has been turned down and everyone, including Todo, is standing there looking at her. Todo looks almost irritated, which is terrifying. "What?"

"Nothing," Nitta says. "We're just ready to go."

So they go. Kasumi leads them across the square to the dorms, through the halls. They chatter and argue mildly as they go. She does not. 

Nitta pulls up alongside her. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah," she says. "I'm just a bit nervous. I don't know if he'll wanna talk to everybody."

"Yeah. But I'll help you if we have to drag him and Mai off each other's necks. Eh?" He nudges her. 

She cracks a smile. "Okay. Good to know."

They stop outside Kokichi's door and Kasumi turns around. "Alright, all of you be quiet while I tell him you're here, okay?" 

There's general assent.  Nitta covers his mouth. Momo mimes zipping her lip. 

Kasumi knocks gently, opens the door and creeps in. Kokichi's still slumped next to the workbench. She kneels down and kisses his head, and he whirs to life.

"Hey," she says gently. "How are you feeling?" 

"Not good," he says, and laughs joylessly. "No, not… not good at all." 

"Everyone came to see you."

"What? Why?" he rasps, and breaks into a brutal coughing fit. "You didn't tell them, did you?" 

She glances backwards. The other students have collected and crammed into the doorway. Momo and Mai and Kamo are trying to look like they're not straining to hear, Nitta is looking in awe around the workshop, and Todo seems bored. 

"They asked about you on their own. I'm going to let them in now, okay?" 

"...Oh. 'Kay."

She nods and beckons them in. They file in, one by one, trying not to step on any of the metal bits on the floor. Instinctively they seem to be keeping quiet. 

Kokichi looks up. "Um. Hi."

"Mechamaru. We noticed you were missing," Kamo says. "It seemed disrespectful to take your bribe without even greeting you."

"And I wanted to thank you for organizing the whole thing," Mai says, more than a little awkward.

"Yeah, it's fun," Nitta says, making a clear effort to keep his voice down. "We, uh, hope you feel better soon."

"Yeah, feel better soon, man," Mai echoes, "and we'll have another party with you actually attending this time, and stuff."

Before Kokichi can answer, Todo apparently decides that it's his turn. "Don't stay down for too long, my friend! It's a sure path to defeat, and you've already made much progress in your mindset, such as getting a hot girlfriend." (Kasumi blushes, unsure whether to laugh or be offended.) "At least you have allies to rally around you whilst you recover!"

The room falls into an awkward silence. 

"Um," Kokichi says, and for a second he wavers - but breaks out into a laugh. It's slow, but warm and free, and has he ever laughed like this in front of everyone? Kamo looks like he's seen a ghost. "Thank you," Kokichi says, grinning. "Thank you. Really. Thank you. My brain isn't working right now, but uh…" And again, he wobbles and then he maybe is crying a little bit - "Thank you. I really - I really appreciate you all. You know? You're all really - you all made me really happy and I-" He's speaking through tears, now. "I'm - I'm sorry. Thank you. All of you. For everything." 

"Uh, sure, man," Mai says, the bold edges of her words softened a bit by uncertainty. "Listen, do you want us to, like, postpone the party? We can. If it really means that much to you." 

"No, no, it's okay. It's - God." He takes a shuddering breath. "Just enjoy it. All of you. That'll make me the happiest." 

Kokichi: Thank you all for today it was very kind of you. Sorry I was such a mess.

Momo: its totally okay dude! ofc we were thinking of you lol you planned the whole thing! 

Kamo: Hello Mechamaru. It is no problem at all. I am glad that my words brought you some level of comfort, though clearly I could not fathom how much. 

Nitta: Kamo said everything I was gonna say lmao (≧▽≦) 

Kokichi: Hey could you all do me a favour. 

Momo: sure what is it? 

Kokichi: Mechamaru is not my real name and I feel I have outgrown it. My real name is Kokichi Muta so please use it. 

Momo: sure thing hehe!! and while we're at it you can call me momo! 

Kamo: Regrettably I cannot guarantee that I will not make mistakes. However, I will make an effort to switch if it is what you desire.

Nitta: Man Kamo keeps saying all the things I want to say before I can say them!!! Yeah sure, I'll try my best (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ 

Momo: everyone else isn't online rn but ill make sure they know!! 

Kokichi: Thank you all so much you have no idea how much it means.

Mai: after yesterday i have an idea of it lol

Momo: Omg stop embarrassing him!! He was having a moment 

Kokichi: I'm about to have a very different kind of moment if you use that turn of phrase on me again. 

Nitta: Look out everyone, muta is having a heated gamer moment 

Kamo: What on Earth are you all talking about? What is a "heated gamer moment"? 

Nitta: HSJGSKSH

Kokichi: We live in the worst timeline. 

Momo: NOO SHUT UP THE AMOUNT OF MONEY ID PAY TO HEAR TOU SAY THAT IRL BAGAJVSJAG

Kasumi laughs and adds, Proud of you. <3 

Thursday, October 18

14 days until Halloween 

He's not in class. Kasumi's texts go unread until 11 am. Not well, he says, can't talk today. Sorry. 

Oh no! Thought you were doing better after yesterday, what happened? she asks from under her desk when Utahime is looking away.

That's not really how it works.

Ah, okay. Do you want company? 

I can't. Really really not well.

Okay. Rest well! I love you <3 

He goes dark for most of the day. Sleeping? He's been sleeping a lot. Two weeks to go and he's in too bad of a shape to even use the robot. The last weekend they'll have and they can't even see each other. 

Kasumi tries to take her mind off it - finally works on her notebook, hardly finished despite the deadline being in two weeks - tries to go for a walk, doesn't have the heart to hang out with Momo and Mai. Maybe it would be nice to call Nitta, but… no. Hiroki? Mom? Even worse. God, everything is going bad. 

She ends up wandering campus aimlessly, jacked up and worn out. There are too many hours in a day. Utahime, returning from a mission, stops her near the gates: "Are you alright?"

"Fine, Utahime." Her throat numb. 

"You look out of it. And haven't been doing your schoolwork."

"I…" She closes her eyes. It's hard to make herself care, but so normal she longs for it, but so scary. "I'm just stressed."

"Stressed about...?" 

"The future." Halloween, specifically, or maybe a few days before, when her future is decided, when Mahito launches his attack. Because - because - Kokichi said he'd take care of her and she believes him, but if he's dead and gone, then who will there be to ensure her future? She is going to have to work as a cashier for the rest of her life. Wasn't there supposed to be more? 

Utahime puts a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "You only have to do one thing at a time," she says. "Let's do something distracting. Do you like baseball?" 

At Training Ground 6, they chuck a baseball back and forth, Kasumi hits it with the strength of a normal person, and Utahime gives her easy pitches so she doesn't break her arms for lack of cursed energy. She could have been like Maki, born otherwise, different but strong. Now she is weak. 

"Nice pitch!" says Utahime, as Kasumi hits it over the roof of a nearby building and into the courtyard beyond. "You're looking better, Miwa."

Friday, October 19

13 days until Halloween 

Again, checking in on Kokichi, careful not to ask anything about how he feels, but unable to leave it alone: Up to anything this morning? 

He takes four hours to reply. At 10, while she's stress-eating instant ramen: Not really. Still bad. 

I'm sorry to hear that! ((

Listen you don't have to but maybe you should come over. 

She puts her phone on the table to take another mouthful of instant ramen, and he must take it for hesitation because he keeps going.

I'm not going to be any fun but it might be the last time we can see each other in person. 

(Suddenly the ramen seems less appetizing.)

And ah to be honest Kasumi I I really don't know if I'm going to be okay this weekend. It would be nice to have a pair of eyes on me I mean not that you have to I'll be fine it would just be nice I don't know yeah I really don't know sorry just trying to be honest with you. And I wanted to warn you that I'm really really really not in good shape. 

No no yeah of course!! she types - hesitates. I can come over today if you like. 

No no that's fine just tomorrow maybe you could sleep over I don't know. 

Okay. I'll see you then. I love you sososo much 

I love you too 

Saturday, October 20

12 days until Halloween 

The sky is incongruously clear as she approaches the dam for the last time, one of those perfect days, just blue blue blue to the horizon. She bikes, because Kokichi told her he doesn't trust himself to drive, and tries to steel herself. She tells herself it can't be as bad as she fears. But she doesn't quite believe herself, and she's not certain she'll be able to keep it together. 

The sentinels don't acknowledge her when she walks her bike through the forest, so that when she reaches the dam she actually has to tap a nearby sentinel on the shoulder to catch his attention. 

"Um, can I come up?" she asks, and the sentinel nods, wraps her up in its arms and takes her to the top of the dam. 

The dam seems quieter than normal. She washes her hands extra thoroughly before she enters the suite. 

"Kokichi?" she says faintly. 

No answer. 

She creeps closer in, peers around the doorway. 

Inhales. Exhales. 

Even through the bandages she can tell that his whole body is swollen up. His stomach is distended, too. He's curled up on his side, halfway-fetal. None of his shirts would fit comfortably, apparently, because he's not wearing one - only bandages and shorts, and no blanket, either. Kasumi sees the port in his chest where plastic IV tubing dips down into his body. She sees legs, small and half-formed. She sees a plastic tube coiling from his shorts and trailing off the bed. She sees an oxygen tube on his nose, like TV characters have when they're dying. He's sleeping. Frowning. Wheezing. Smells like death. 

Seeing him feels like being struck in the chest. Kasumi takes three hard breaths, tries to be quiet as she approaches, tries to put on a brave face and tell herself that it might look really bad but it doesn't matter because it'll all get fixed soon. He really does smell very bad. She breathes through her mouth until she's ready to face him.

"Kokichi?" she says quietly. 

No answer. 

"Kokichi?" What is she even supposed to say? "It's, um, it's me. I'm here." No answer. 

She reaches out and touches his shoulder. "Kokichi?"

That gets a response out of him. His face twists up and his shoulder jerks away. He moans low in pain, and his legs and arm twitch. 

She snatches her hand away. "Sorry," she whispers. 

He opens his eyes, looks at her and seems relatively lucid, though his face is puffy and his eyes are sunken. Kasumi's stomach unclenches.

"Oh," he croaks, and coughs, and smiles at her with difficulty. "You came."

"Yeah."

"Sorry. I fell ’sleep." 

"Yeah, I know." She offers a hand, to stroke his hair, to touch his shoulder or hold his hand now that he's ready. 

He looks at it with a pained expression and closes his eyes. "Sorry." 

"It's okay." She hesitates, and eventually decides it's no good to dance around it. "What happened? You look awful." It's better once spoken aloud, no longer a vague doom feeling but a fact. 

"I feel awful," he says, not without some humour. "I think I'm dying."

She starts to laugh. He doesn't. She stops. "What - seriously?"

"Mm. I think... my heart... or something...” 

"Is that why…?" She gestures at his stomach, even though his eyes are closed and he can't see it.  

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the… yeah." He sighs. "It's my fault. I haven't been..." He tries to moisten his lips, but it doesn't seem to help. "I've just been sleeping for a… a couple days… Can't even watch TV anymore. Really tired… don't feel good." Even speaking that much leaves him short of breath. 

Kasumi should have told him to take better care of himself. She should have noticed. "Oh, Kokichi," she whispers. "I'm so sorry." 

He starts to speak, but his breath catches and he starts to cough. He coughs long and wet, and his whole body shudders with the force of it. He heaves and retches. When it's over he struggles for air, tremors, makes little involuntary wheezing noises. A thick strand of drool oozes from his mouth and drips down to stain the sheets. He closes his eyes and groans. 

Kasumi folds her hands on her lap and decides she hates this. She hates hearing him whimper and groan. She hates seeing independent, awkward, sweet Kokichi reduced to this. 

"Your mouth," she says gently, because her best guess is that he wouldn't like her to ignore it. He grunts and a robot comes to clean it off. 

"'M sorry," he mumbles. "Gross." 

"Don't be silly. It's not your fault." 

"Read to me?" 

"Of course." 

She has to squint, as always, to make out the words of Earthsea. Kokichi isn't listening to most of it. He drifts in and out of consciousness, waking only to inject more painkillers or retch emptily into his pillows. She reads until her throat is sore and then some. Then she sits silently beside him, occasionally saying meaningless things like, "I wonder whether that old DS is still lying around or if Mom sold it," and, "You remember those posters in my room? I wonder if their music is still good," and, "You know, maybe I should watch Destiny Tracers." 

He doesn't reply to most of it, besides a few sparse grunts of acknowledgement here and there. Once, he apologizes to her for not listening. "It's just," he says, "I just… the pain, it never stops, and whenever I think I can handle it, it just gets worse and worse and I… I can't… I can't hear you…" 

She breathes even and deep through the feeling of her heart cracking and quavering, feeling acutely that this evening, this conversation, is dragging long gashes through her soul. "It's okay," she says. "I'm not saying anything important anyway." 

"Mmm..." He coughs, gags. Looks as if he's about to say something, but gives up. 

"Are you…" She hesitates. "Are you even going to be able to talk to Mahito in this state?" 

"I'll drug myself up good." 

"That doesn't sound safe."

"It isn't, but… Mahito. So whatever." 

"Okay." 

The rest of the evening passes at a crawl. Kokichi is asleep for most of it, and Kasumi shifts in her chair, checks her phone though she has no service, reads the first few chapters of Earthsea again. Eventually, she checks the time and decides to change into her pyjamas, which she does in silence, and he's still asleep when she comes back. Her butt is getting sore from sitting on the chair, and the faint noise of the oxygen concentrator and Kokichi's irregular wheezing and coughing wears on her. At ten o'clock, she taps on the bed beside him. "Kokichi? You awake?" 

"Mmmh," he says. 

"I'm going to go sleep in the storage room."

"Wait." A robot catches her arm, and she nearly yelps in surprise. "Stay. If you want." 

She looks at him. He opens his eyes and looks at her, and in his expression, desperation. Fear.

"Do you want me to stay?" 

"Please," he says, and his voice trembles. 

"Okay," she says. "I'll just go get a mattress, then." 

She carries the mattress, blanket and pillows over to Kokichi's bedroom from the storeroom. Also, from the storeroom, she sees two stuffed animals on the high shelf. A ragged teddy bear with button eyes and a blue elephant. Some instinct tells her to take them. 

She puts the mattress down on the floor beside his bed. In the time she took to fetch it, he's turned himself on his other side and changed his setup somehow, though she can't quite figure out how. Still no blanket. From the way he reacted to her touch, probably even that is too painful now. 

"Do you want your stuffies?" she asks gently. "I brought them from the storeroom." 

He groans and frowns, but says nothing. 

"Kokichi?" 

"Nnn?" 

"Your stuffies? Do you want them beside you?" She holds them out to him. 

He twitches and looks at them with unfocused, fearful eyes. "Don't touch me," he slurs, and closes his eyes again. 

"Okay." She sits the two stuffed animals up beside the head of her bed and climbs in. "Goodnight," she says. "Rest well. I love you so much." 

"Mhm." And the lights switch off. 

He doesn't sleep through the night. Doesn't even sleep through an hour. He wakes up gasping and coughing. She gets up and kneels by his bed and shushes and calms him, gets him to turn on the light, reminds him where he is. His eyes are feverish and he tremors with pain and panic, clutching at his chest and stomach. He retches and moans uncontrollably. She doesn't know what else to do, so she reads him some Earthsea. 

He doesn't really get back to sleep, just lies there, closing and opening his eyes and moaning. She makes it through maybe half a chapter before his mouth pulls down and he starts to cry, open and unguarded like a child, tears rolling across his nose. He makes little whimpers of pain when the tears cross sores. 

"What's wrong?" Kasumi asks, which is a colossally stupid question, she knows, but she doesn't know what else to do.

"So tired," he whimpers. "Why can't I sleep?" 

There's nothing to say to that, so Kasumi just tries to make a compassionate noise without sounding too choked up. 

A weak sob shakes him, and his face crumples. "I - I don't know if I can do this, Kasumi… another week of this, I -" 

"You can do another week," she says. "You're strong." 

"I don't want to," he sobs. "I hate this. I hate this fucking body. Oh, god… Kasumi…" 

The way he whimpers her name plunges her into the nauseous depths of her own heart. Her eyes water and her throat sticks. "It's okay," she says in a dry, wobbly voice of her own. "Just close your eyes and try to relax, okay? It's gonna be over soon."