Chapter Text
The constant hum of the engine, the soft music played by the phonograph, and the company of the endless sea of stars as she travelled through the vast expanse of space is something that Himeko has slowly grown accustomed to.
Although it could get lonely sometimes, it was something that she had always dreamed of as a child — being able to travel the stars. She had not known it was even possible until she discovered the abandoned train back in her home planet when she was younger.
Today should be like any other day.
She wakes up, brews her lifeline (aka coffee), does her daily maintenance on the Astral Express, thoroughly research on the worlds that she could possibly visit and then more research on the worlds that she has already chosen to visit.
However, today, is not like any other day.
She had woken up at aeons knows what hour to the sounds of a hushed voice and had barely even registered her surroundings before she hears a loud thud outside the doors of her room. She faintly hears someone muttering something, the sounds of heels clicking gradually increasing.
Then, it goes silent for a moment.
Himeko practically holds her breath as she quietly grabs a bat under her bed, just a weapon she’d found in one of her travels that she thought would come in handy one day.
Perhaps, today is that day.
She walks over to her door, hand hovering, hesitant to open the door. She could no longer hear anything outside the door and she feared that perhaps whoever is outside must’ve found out that she had woken up from her sleep.
Who could it be? Could it be someone from the first world she visited? But she had made sure to be civil with everyone she met. She was sure she did not offend anyone to the point that they’d follow her here and sabotage her.
She barely even started with her journey, it can’t end here now.
But who knows who could be outside her door. She doesn’t know how many people there are, doesn’t know their strength, their capabilities.
But she can’t just die here or lose her hard work without trying, either.
Before she plucks up the courage to open her door and swing at whoever the hell is out there, she hears a soft cry and the voice from earlier whispered,
“Shh, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.”
There’s a bit of a shuffling sound and himeko assumes it must be the woman trying to calm down whoever was crying outside her door in these wee hours.
What kind of intruder bursts into tears while on the mission?
The way the woman was comforting their companion was almost like a mother comforting her child. “I promise...” She tries to hush her again, a slight lilt in her voice. It must be from panic at the thought of getting caught by the navigator. “I promise I’ll come back for you. So please.. calm down,”
It goes silent again, other than the sounds of soft whimpers.
Himeko takes that as her cue to open the door and raised her arm up to take a swing at the intruder.
She stops.
Much to her confusion, she was not faced with a woman. Instead, she had to squint her eyes in the dark corridor of the seemingly empty passenger cabin, softly illuminated by a lamp in the corner.
She looked down on her feet when she could still hear soft cries.
A girl.
A child, to be precise, bundled up inside a basket. She could not be older than 5 years old. A toddler, perhaps? Her wide, golden eyes and tear stained face stared right up at her — lost, confused, but also curious.
“What..” she mutters out, frantically looking around for who she thought should have been a woman standing outside her door. She swore she heard another person in this room, so she could not have gotten far.
She spots a dark colored hair turning around the corner, making her escape to where ever exit she had first entered. She couldn’t recognize who it was from how dark it was. She shouldn’t have turned off all the lights in the passenger cabin.
“Hey, wait—!” Himeko tries to catch up to her, bat still clutched in her hand. As soon as she turned around the corner, the woman was no longer there.
She cursed under her breath. How could she be gone that quick?
With nothing else she can do, she decides to go back to where she had last seen the child. The girl now looks terrified now that she had been left alone. She was crying, wrapping herself up in the blanket left behind for her. She looks so tiny bundled up like that.
Himeko takes a deep breath. Trying to calm down her beating heart, her shaky hands gently placing down the bat.
Her new little guest must’ve heard her come closer and takes peek outside her blanket. She kneels down to her level.
“Hi.” Himeko whispered, hesitant and so soft that she wasn’t sure whether the child heard her. She had never once interacted with someone this young before. She doesn’t even know whether she could even talk or understand her at all.
She has so many questions, but she doubts this child could answer any of them. They’re both just as lost.
“What’s your name, baby?” She coed and reaches out to take the blanket away from her face, but the little girl merely whimpers in response, still a bit shaken.
Of course she’s terrified. She was abandoned here, with a complete stranger. She probably had no idea what was going on, just that she had been left all alone in this dark corridor by both the intruder and the person who was supposedly now her new caretaker.
She lets the blanket go and instead searched around the basket to check if that woman at least left any clue or anything that can help her. anything.
There was a piece of paper tied to the handle.
“Stelle.” She reads out. The little girl perks up, silver hair poking out of the blanket. “Stelle, huh?” That must be her name then.
For a moment, they both studied each other, trying to understand the situation.
Himeko wasn’t sure what to do with her. She had not expected to have a companion this early in her journey, and especially not a child. She had nothing in this train that could accommodate one.
A disaster waiting to happen.
“I won’t hurt you.” Himeko tries again, reaching out towards the little girl. Stelle furrowed her eyebrows, hesitant.
She waits, and waits, before finally, the little girl shrugs off the blanket and holds out her hands towards her.
“Do you want me to carry you?” Stelle simply hums in response. “Okay. Come here.” she huffs as she picks up the girl, making sure her arms are secure enough as she was afraid that she might end up dropping her. Fortunately, she wasn’t that heavy.
But wow, she doesn’t know if she’s really weak or just tired having to put that much effort just to carry her.
she should really start exercising.
Stelle wraps her small arms around her shoulder (or at least tried to), nuzzling her face against her neck. She incoherently mumbled something as himeko opens the door to her room, had to balance the girl with one arm to do so.
“Sorry, what were you saying, Stelle? I couldn’t quite hear you there.” She gently puts the girl down on the edge of the bed and kneels down so that they were eye level.
“Mama where?” She pouts, eyes searching the room.
“the woman with you. Was that her? Your mama?” Stelle slowly nods her head, then points outside her door.
“Yes. Go to mama.” She says eagerly, eyes wide. She guesses that Stelle wanted her to go and find her mother. Himeko pursed her lips, unsure on how she could tell her that her mother left her here with a complete stranger and may or may never come back for her.
She hopes it’s not the latter. She really could not afford to raise a child. Not that she didn’t have the money, she saved enough that little side jobs here and there would suffice for now. It’s just that she has no clue on how she could raise this child alone.
She was a mere scientist, for aeon’s sake!
“I’m sorry, stelle. I’m not sure where your mama went.” Stelle pouts, eyes once again close to tears
Okay. clearly, she was terrible at this.
“A-actually, she just went out to do something. I just don’t know when- I-I-mean.” Himeko sighs. “She will be back soon, don’t worry. She promised to come back didn’t she?”
An outright lie. She was uncertain whether that woman would ever come back for her, especially given that she never even showed her face to her.
Stelle nods, remembering what her mother told her and seemed to be satisfied with that. She scoots over to the center of the bed and plops right down.
Himeko breathes out a sigh of relief and chuckled. “Sleepy?” The little girl yawns, and goes into a fetal position. Himeko decides to grab the basket she left outside the room and placed atop her to cover up stelle’s slightly shivering body.
Her eyes were closed and she lets out a hum as she pulls the blanket closer, nuzzling deeper into the pillows.
Himeko smiles. How adorable.
She lies down beside her, turning her body so that she’s lying on her side but keeps a safe distance between them. Stelle shifts on her sleep, and turns around so she’s facing himeko.
“oh, what am I gonna do with you?”
The first few weeks with Stelle was quite eventful, to say the least.
First off, her regular routine was very much destroyed.
Of course, she still had the time to brew herself some coffee, which is now very much needed, so she had enough energy to chase around a 2 year old toddler with an endless amount of energy.
It took quite awhile for Stelle to warm up to her. First starting off as a quiet, always cuddled up in her beloved blanket that her mother left her, always crying, searching for her mother, before eventually became a talkative ball of energy and laughter.
Himeko could barely understand half of what she’s babbling on and on about, but it’s still quite entertaining seeing her like this.
Sometimes, Stelle seems to have almost forgotten what had happened a few weeks ago. Other times, she’d be a crying mess throwing tantrums on her mother’s whereabouts.
Himeko, on the other hand, had also taken time to get used to all of this. She still doesn’t know how to comfort her whenever she cries, nor did she know what to do when she has one of those tantrums. One time, Stelle merely ended up sitting at the corner of the room and refused to do anything she said.
“Stelle, no, don’t touch that.” Himeko quickly picks up the toddler just as she was about to hug the trash can that was twice her size. “That’s dirty.”
They decided to visit the second planet on Himeko’s list. She was not gonna stop her journey now that she had a child with her. She supposes it’d be dangerous to leave her on the express alone, so she brought her along.
Besides, they needed to go shopping.
Stelle huffs and tries to wriggle out of her hold. “Stelle..” Forunately, the little girl stops squirming and turns to her to nuzzle her face against her neck. She seemed to like doing that.
Himeko really needed to be a stroller, though. It would be much easier to bring her around that way.
She placed the girl down onto the grocery cart, and moved over to where the milk was. She made sure to do a lot of research regarding the things she needed to buy.
The rest of the grocery shopping went by peacefully, much to her relief. Stelle behaves when she wants to.
“Do you like that?” Himeko picks up the purple kitten stuffed toy that stelle was eagerly pointing at. She immediately hugs it against her chest. She takes that as a yes. “Do you want anything else?” Stelle merely hugs the toy closer.
Himeko chuckled and ruffled her hair. “Okay. I guess that’s all we need then.”
Months and months go by and yet, still no signs of the woman who abandoned her child. Himeko’s hope dwindled throughout those months, and eventually, Stelle stops asking for her mother and himeko starts to embrace her presence in her life.
Himeko doubts she even remembered what had happened. Trauma or a 2 year old short term memory, she doesn’t know.
Didn’t know where she came from, didn’t know her birthday, didn’t know her parents. She knew nothing of her.
But himeko promised that she would never leave her side. She had grown to hate the woman who had left her here with her, Angry both for herself and Stelle, for the fact that she abandoned her and himeko had to deal with all of this.
Though a part of her was also grateful for bringing this kind of joy in her life.
Took quite some time for her to accept it, but taking care of stelle eventually became a part of her routine.
Himeko decided that Stelle’s birthday would be the day she’d found her.
Which, was today.
“Close your eyes and Make a wish.” Himeko lights up the candle and stelle closes her eyes. “Okay, blow.” Himeko demonstrates. “Like this,”
Stelle tries to imitate her and struggles to blow the candle, eliciting a laugh from Himeko. She lightly blows to help her a bit, and stelle celebrates when she succeeds.
“open gift, mommy?” Stelle practically bounces on her feet as she held up the gift in her hand. She’s started to call her that when she realized it was a lot easier to say instead of her name (the name Himeko was too complicated for her), and because she thought that himeko was just that. Her other mother. Or maybe her only mother now.
(She couldn’t quite recall all her past memories, though was still quite fixated with her blanket.)
Himeko didn’t mind, pretended that her heart didn’t race and she hadn’t held her breath for a few seconds when she’d first heard her utter it.
“Sleepy,” Stelle yawns loudly, bringing himeko out of her thoughts. She’s been up and about all day, especially since she offered to help Himeko with the cake. It became extremely messy in their makeshift kitchen, but it was fun nonetheless. She must be exhausted.
“Did you like your gift?” Himeko asks as she picks her up with Stelle still clinging onto her new gift. She nods, and nuzzles up against her.
Himeko smiles and combs her hair as she quietly walks back to their room.
Stelle was initially supposed to have her own room. Himeko had even went out of her way to buy her a new mattress and cleaned up the room right next to hers, but she’d always end up waking up in the middle of the night with a soft knock on her door.
Just as she was shuffling stelle in a more comfortable position as she carried her with one arm so can open the door to her room, she feels an odd presence in her room. The hairs on her arm stands up as she shivered, checking every corner.
She was greeted with silence, but couldn’t help but feel as though someone was staring right at her.
She doesn’t know how long she stood there before she finally calls out,
“who’s there..?” Himeko readies herself near the door to make a run for it when she sees a figure at the corner of her room.
The sound of heels fills up the silence, and Himeko freezes when the stranger finally comes into view.
“Kafka?”
“Darling..” The woman smiles, the usual stoic expression on her face. She couldn’t quite read her, especially with how dark the room was, but himeko could recognize that voice. “It’s been awhile.”
She hadn’t heard it for years, and so she’d almost forgotten what it had sounded like. But it was also so familiar.
Almost too familiar.
Himeko takes a step back as Kafka comes closer. She looks at her from head to toe, checking to see if she had any weapon with her, her grip tightening on stelle.
“Mmh..” Stelle groans, shifting on her sleep.
Kafka’s eyes shifts to the child in her arms, as if she hadn’t noticed her until now. Himeko rests her hand on stelle’s head, holding her closer.
“Stop.” Himeko’s back hits the door. “Don’t come near us. Show me your hands.”
“I don’t have any weapons with me.” Kafka reassured her, and lifts up her arms as instructed. Her eyes doesn’t leave Stelle. Himeko couldn’t tell what was going through her mind. Her heart was beating loud against her chest she was afraid stelle would hear it. Her knees felt weak, that she might end up dropping her.
She was defenseless, a child on her arms and an unpredictable stellaron hunter with a criminal record standing right in front of her. She doesn’t know why she’s here, doesn’t know what she’s planning to do to them. She just knows that she needed to keep Stelle safe.
Kafka doesn’t take another step forward. Instead, she smiles again. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Himeko isn’t sure if it was even genuine, knowing her. “She’s grown.”
Himeko takes a glance at stelle, confused. She spoke as if she knows her.
Could she be..?
“I said don’t come near.” Himeko repeats, glaring.
“Darling, I’m not here to hurt you.” Kafka chuckled, amused with this whole situation. Himeko racks her brain for reasons why she’s here.
They’ve cut off ties a long time ago and had made it clear that she longer wanted to be associated with her in anyway, given the path she’d decided to take.
Kafka had no reason to be back here, but the more she spoke, the more she realized that her voice sounded awfully like the woman a year ago.
“Don’t call me that.”
“noisy…” Stelle whimpered, shifting in her arms in complaint. Her eyes remained close.
Himeko combs her hair, trying to soothe her back to sleep. “Sorry, baby. Go back to sleep.” Stelle hummed.
Kafka watched her as she puts down the 3 year old on the bed, covering her with the blanket she’d given stelle a year ago. She’s surprised himeko hadn’t burned it to the ground.
Once she was sure Stelle had fallen back asleep, himeko grabs Kafka’s wrist and quickly pulls her out of the room. The woman doesn’t resist.
She’d left the lights turned on in the passenger cabin, so now she could clearly see the state Kafka was in. She looked to be the same as she had left her all those years ago.
The same unreadable composure, the same calm smile on her lips, and although her eyes were devoid of emotions, Himeko could sense that they were tired. Kafka had always been too good with holding back her true emotions, which had always been a problem for Himeko who usually wore her heart on her sleeve. Though, she did try to be guarded around this woman.
“what are you doing here?” She finally breaks the silence in the room, releasing her wrist to cross her arms. She tries to hide her shaky hands, from both fear and anger.
“I came back to take what’s mine.” Kafka glances inside the room. And so she was right. It had been Kafka all along. The woman she’d thought she’d never see again after she fell off from the face of the galaxy, at least not in person.
The only time she’d ever saw her was when her and Stelle had visit the second planet all those months ago, on a wanted poster plastered on the walls of a building. ‘Dead or alive’
Stelle had been too preoccupied with her ice cream that day to notice. Although, Himeko didn’t think it would have mattered whether she saw the poster or not but now, she was glad she didn’t. Otherwise, she would have had to deal with another tantrum.
“Yours?” Himeko scoffs. This woman’s audacity, claiming Stelle as hers, almost like an object as though she hadn’t just discarded the child alone for her to take care of. “You’re ridiculous.”
Kafka turns to her again, her face blank. “oh?” her eyebrows raised, a smile forming on her lips. “I had thought that you’d be relieved to finally have her out of your care.”
“You can’t just back here as you wish after what you’d done, then take her away from me just like that.” Himeko attempts to remain calm, her voice hushed as she didn’t want to awaken the little girl inside the room.
“I had no choice.” Kafka once again looks past her, into the room. Her eyes were distant, as though she was recalling what had happened a year ago.
“You always have a choice, Kafka, and you’ve made yours a year ago.” For a moment, Himeko sees a hint of emotion in her face. She truly had no idea what prompted her to leave Stelle to the woman she’d sworn she’d never want to see again, even to the point of stating that Himeko was her only option.
“She wasn’t safe with me.” Kafka finally looks her in the eyes, a slight lilt in her voice. “I thought you’d keep her safe for me, and you did.”
It wasn’t surprising to hear her reason considering her line of work, but more so surprising that she even shared it with her in the first place. This sense of vulnerability from her wasn’t something Himeko was used to, to say the least.
“So what made you come back, then?” Himeko asked, still conflicted. Kafka had barely started with whatever it is she had to do as a Stellaron hunter, just as Himeko had barely started with her journey, so to come back here merely a year later is a little too reckless and uncharacteristically Kafka. “I know you’re still a hunter, and Aeons know what could happen to Stelle if she were to stay with you.”
“You were right. Leaving her here with you was my own choice.” Kafka sighs, seemingly frustrated. “Taking her back with me, is not.”
Now she’s even more confused. But Kafka continues before she could even think of a reply.
“We’d created her for a purpose. Everything had been going smoothly according to Elio’s script.” Kafka explains, but in a way that was still obscure so as to not reveal too much of what was in the ‘script’. Whatever that means. “Until that day. I had spent most of my time with Stelle, raising her so she could fulfill the role that was assigned to her, since no else seemed to want to take on that task.”
“I don’t understand. What script? role?” Himeko pushes, hoping Kafka would explain those terms to her further. “What is going on, Kafka?”
As far as she understood, Stelle was created for one purpose and Kafka was left alone with the task to shape her into the person who was supposed to fulfill the ‘role’ she was assigned with. Like some kind of weapon they created for their own hidden agenda.
“Stelle had never been a part of the script until a few years ago.“ Kafka vaguely answers. “She’s an experiment and I initially had never been against it. I’ve always believed we were slaves of destiny, and if Elio presumed that she would play a big role in achieving our goals, then so be it.”
“What happened that day?” Himeko’s tone was a lot softer this time, trying to read between the lines of what Kafka was hinting on.
She went against Elio’s new script.
Stelle’s an experiment, and so it was no guarantee whether they would even succeed or not. That would also mean Kafka going against Elio’s script a year ago, this time, would not elicit huge consequences.
Rather, it was merely a loss of opportunity.
Something that could be recovered. Which, Himeko assumed must be now.
(Himeko herself couldn’t believe Kafka, of all people, could ever care for someone this deeply. Not even Himeko had been able to stop her from leaving her.)
“We were attacked.” Kafka leaves it at that. With how dark it was that day, she had never noticed the state Kafka had been in nor was she even able to recognize her with the distance between them. She did notice a drop of blood on the basket she’d found Stelle in, wasn’t sure where it was from considering Stelle seemed to be completely unharmed.
“Were you afraid she’d get hurt?”
Kafka remains eye contact, as though it was her way to say that the words she will be uttering is nothing but the truth.
“I know no fear.” Kafka muttered. “I simply believed she did not have the capability to aid us. and it was troublesome- raising her.”
A lie.
“And now? you’ve suddenly realized that she does have the potential?” Himeko shook her head, suddenly becoming guarded again. “She’s only three, Kafka . ”
“Would you rather keep her here with you until she’s old enough to make her own decisions? then have me take her away from you just as I’m supposed to do right now?” There was a slight lilt in her tone.
would you rather have her stay here longer for you to get attached to her even more, instead of me simply taking her away now to lessen the pain?
is what she’s actually trying to say.
“I…”
“Mommy?” a disheveled Stelle stands on the open door to her room, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with her stuffed toy in her other hand.
Neither of the two women have heard her awaken, nor did they hear the sound of the door opening.
“Stelle.” They both utter out, Kafka suddenly taking a step forward and reaching out her hand, most likely acting out of instinct.
She stops. Must’ve realized she was acting out.
Himeko sighs and picks up the little girl in her arms, holding her a lot tighter than usual as though she was afraid Kafka could take her away from her at this moment now that they’ve seen each other again.
Stelle squints her eyes, looks at himeko for a second before her eyes falls onto Kafka. It looked like the gears on her brain are turning, her gaze constantly shifting between Kafka and Himeko.
The red hair still doesn’t know whether she remembers her mother or not, especially since she’d recently stopped asking for her.
“Mama..?” Stelle finally breathes out, hands reaching out towards Kafka. She looked to be a bit confused still, but her eyes eventually lights up in recognition when Kafka moves closer to her. “Mama!”
Himeko’s heart might’ve broke a little at that. Stelle, after all, does not know the concept of time. The little girl didnt’ feel a tinge of hatred in her heart with how long Kafka had left her here, doesn’t know how long she’d waited for her. Although a year didn’t seem too long, it sure felt like it.
Kafka hesitantly holds out her hand, looking at Himeko for permission. Her having to ask was shocking, and perhaps, maybe she does care for Stelle as much as she does.
She feels Kafka’s hands brush against hers as she places it around Stelle’s waist to pick her up, but much to both their confusion, Stelle does not let go of her arm around Himeko as her other arm wraps around Kafka’s’s neck.
With this position, Their faces are merely a few inches away from that she can feel her breath hitting her cheek and Himeko feels it flush in response.
“um, Stelle…”
Himeko awkwardly chuckled, trying to reach behind her neck where Stelle’s arm rested. She lets go of her legs so Kafka can hold them instead.
The little girl seemed to not know who she wanted to be held by, but fortunately, it wasn’t too difficult to remove her from Himeko.
“Hi baby.” Kafka hums, lightly brushing her nose on Stelle’s cheeks as she nuzzled against her and plants a kiss there. The little girl giggles as it tickled. “did you miss me?”
Himeko has never seen her this affectionate with anyone other than, well, herself. She doesn’t know whether the slight tinge in her heart was from jealousy. She was unsure who she’s jealous of to begin with.
She decided to give them some privacy, though hesitant as she hoped that Kafka wouldn’t just make a run for it with her child. ( their child?)
Would she?
She takes her time making her coffee, all the while straining her ears for sounds of movement and voices outside of her room. It doesn’t take long before Kafka opens the door with Stelle still in her arms. She quietly breathes out a sigh of relief.
“Himeko.”
“Hey.” She curtly responds, trying to keep her gaze on the coffee she was brewing. For some reason, she could not bear to see the two. She hears the sounds of heels clicking and a poke on her cheek. She turns to the culprit and was met with a beaming Stelle.
“oh. Hi Stelle..“ Her voice softens.
“mommy.” Stelle points to Himeko, then looks at Kafka. “mama?”
The two women look at each other, unsure what she was trying to convey.
“yes, that’s your mama.” Himeko clears her throat, feeling awkward having to call Kafka that , and picks up her coffee, gesturing it towards the said woman.
“Would you like some coffee?”
“No. That’s alright, I should leave.” She bounces Stelle in her arms as she says that, eyes looking quite unsure but resolute.
“You’re leaving?” Himeko frowns. “With stelle..?”
Kafka looks away. There was a brief moment of silence, save for Stelle’s constant mumbling as she plays with her toy, completely unfazed with whatever was going on in her surroundings.
“Kafka...” Himeko’s grip tightens on her mug. Her throat tightens. “are you taking her with you?”
“you’re leaving.. again?” Himeko prods on, her hand reaching towards Stelle. or maybe Kafka.
You’re leaving me again?
“Elio is waiting for us.” Kafka turns to her again, expression once again unreadable. “Don’t worry. I will never let anyone lay a hand on her. We will make sure—”
“You don’t know that!”
Stelle flinches as Himeko raised her voice. She shoots her an apologetic look as the little girl burrowed herself into Kafka, looking at Himeko as if she had just raised a hand on her.
“You don’t know that..” she repeated in a whisper, eyes brimming with tears. Stelle has only been with her for a year, but felt like they’ve been together far longer than that. “She’s safer here. with me. you left her here for a reason. Did you not?”
She knows Stelle wasn’t hers, knows she didn’t have the strength to take Stelle away from her mother. But she’s selfish . and maybe lonely .
“I’m sorry.” Kafka takes a step back, caressing Stelle’s head. “That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have—“
“No.” Himeko cuts her off again, hand reaching out to stop Kafka from moving any further towards the door. “You- You can stay here too, Kafka. with me— us. please. don’t leave.”
Did seeing Kafka’s affection towards Stelle stir a bittersweet feeling in her chest? a scenario that the past her had once desired?
This was starting to feel a little too familiar for her comfort. At this instance, she had no control of her emotions and was spouting nonsense. Was she really that lonely all these years? Is that why she was so persistent? Was she that hang up over kafka leaving her, telling her that what they had meant absolutely nothing to her?
“Himeko.. stop.” Kafka pushes her shaky hand away as Stelle starts to cry in her arms. She doesn’t know what was happening, just that the two most important people in her life seemed to be fighting right in front of her.
Himeko reaches for Stelle again, she practically fell on her knees at this point with how much she was shaking. “Stop it, Himeko.. That’s enough.” Her voice was softer this time, kneeling down to her level with Stelle still in her arms.
“Is this what this is really all about?” Kafka had finally grasped what had prompted such a reaction from the red hair, somehow the guilt catching up to her. After all, she had never really explained why she had to leave her behind after all those empty promises they’d shared together. Had to rely on lies and manipulation, just so Himeko can learn to loathe her. In her eyes, Anger aimed towards her was far less painful than mourning the loss and betrayal of a loved one.
Stelle crawls out from her arms and onto Himeko’s when she realized the woman was crying, too. She did not like seeing her sad. “It’s okay mommy, don’t cry.”
Kafka sighs and stands up, watching the scene before her. She takes a quick glance towards the door, then back to the two girls on the floor. Reluctant. She hadn’t known how long she stood there until she felt two pairs of eyes on her, waiting.
“I’ll never be a good mother, will I?” Kafka chuckles, almost bitterly, opening the door behind her. Her gaze on them lingers for a moment, before she turns around. “I’ll take my leave.”
“Mama?” Stelle calls out softly. Seeing Kafka turn her back on her again felt a little familiar. The older woman turns her head a bit to face her, and Himeko could see her smiling.
“I’ll come visit again, okay?”
“When will that be? another year?” Himeko finally finds the strength to stand up.
Should she feel happy that Kafka finally relented? It sure did not feel like a win for her at all. Her heart still felt like its being squeezed out, as though there was something else she wanted. What was it she hoped for?
When Kafka was set on something, she would not just be giving up on it that easily. Perhaps, this was just her way of delaying the inevitable.
Kafka pauses, before she finally decided to turn back to face them. “No. I’ll visit one in awhile. on a hologram. in person.” She lists. “When the time comes, I will be taking her with me.”
“When she’s older, she can make her own decisions.” Himeko argued. “If she wants to, she will be staying with me. If not, then she can come with you.”
Kafka sighed, defeated.
“Seems fair.” Kafka glances at the child behind them, still sat on the ground, now preoccupied again with her little stuffed animal as if nothing had just transpired between them. She takes a step forward towards Himeko, who remains still where she was standing. “Do you hate me, Himeko?”
Her voice was low when she asked and the silence was deafening. She did not expect those words to come out of those lips, nor did she expect her to look at her in that way. It had been so long since she had, after all.
Himeko breaks the eye contact, could not handle the intensity of Kafka’s gaze on her.
Kafka assumed that must be a yes and was about to take it as her cue to leave when Himeko looks back up at her.
“no. I don’t hate you.” Himeko muttered, almost inaudibly. Her cheeks and ears were flushed. Kafka smiles, actually smiles this time. “I could never hate you.”
“I guess I failed at that too, huh?” Kafka chuckled, and just then, her phone lights up. They both look down at the device. “Well.. that’s my cue.”
“Will you.. really come back?” Himeko wasn’t sure if Kafka didn’t hear her or simply decided not to answer her, did not want to break another promise. “Why’d you change your mind?”
Kafka looks around, humming as though in thought. “I figured this place could use a little bit of.. warmth.”
“I wasn’t lonely.” Lies .
Perhaps Kafka sensed it in her tone too as she shows her her phone. “Here. My number, would that make you feel better?” Kafka wiggled it in her hands teasingly. As if she didn’t have a fellow stellaron hunter to hack Himeko’s phone for her. “Don’t want you to end up missing me again.”
“I don’t need it.” So she says, as she scans the code on Kafka’s phone. The younger one lets out a laugh, causing her cheeks to flush once more. “..It’s just for precautions. Stelle could—“
“No need to explain, darling.” She cuts her off to tease her, reaching out to brush her hand against her cheek. Himeko rolls her eyes, turning her cheek away from her touch. “How cold.”
There was still so many things left unsaid between them, and a part of Himeko still hoped for something else to happen. She hated that feeling, couldn’t quite control herself seeing her again here right in front of her.
The same old Kafka. As Infuriating as ever.
She feels a soft peck on her cheek just then and her hand shoots up to touch it. “What—?”
“Goodbye, mommy .” Kafka grins, seemingly proud at what she’d done. Mocking how Stelle had called her. By then, she had taken a couple of steps towards the exit. “Take good care of our baby for me.”
“She’s not..” The woman had already turned around, and had gone out of her view. “ ours ..”
Just then, Stelle had walked up to her and tightly hugged her legs. “Mama, gone?”
Himeko smiles, picking her up once again. “She’ll be back.”
This time, Himeko no longer had to lie through her teeth.
The constant hum of the engine, the soft music played by the phonograph, the company of the endless sea of stars as she travelled through the vast expanse of space and the sounds of a child’s laughter is something that Himeko has finally grown accustomed to.