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The band's final note is still an echo in the cavernous auditorium when Keefe is on the move. Thunderous applause from the congregation presses against him like the roar of the ocean, a white noise that demands to be noticed even as he pushes it away, trying to ground himself here and now.
When the lights come back up, he's already two sections over, working his way along the aisle in front of the stage. Through the side door and into the lobby, where it's daylight, and toward the staff entrance to the concrete halls of the backstage sanctum. He's allowed back within seconds – security knows him well by now – and the light is fluorescent through here, too close to the stage for windows.
Only now does he pause. It's not exactly quieter back here, as the crew hustle about and the choir leisurely rolls through on their way to the locker rooms. But the congregation is just a persistent murmur, like he's floating on a raft upon the waves rather than lost in the surf itself. The thick metal door slams and latches behind him, and he hurries on.
Rounding a corner, he is confronted with the hallway where he stood astonished just an hour ago, and for a moment he's bewildered again, facing a memory so quick it feels like a half-remembered dream and makes his pulse pump furiously, pushing a static charge through his veins. Though none of the Gemstones are in sight, he can hear Jesse crowing and Judy laughing, riding the high of a service that will mark a new beginning for the siblings.
Keefe stops just outside of Kelvin's dressing room and touches his palm to the nameplate on the wall, murmuring words of thanks.
"You were radiant, brother," he says, entering the small room.
Kelvin's eyes meet Keefe’s in the vanity mirror, where he sits and dabs at his forehead with blotting paper. Keefe likes when Kelvin's face is shiny and bright, but he likes his fastidious rituals even more. In the mirror, Kelvin's eyes beam.
"We really tapped into powers unknown, didn't we?" Kelvin says, nearly breathless with pride. "I think God was actually speaking through us today."
"Praise be to He," Keefe agrees, an almost automatic response as he steps up behind Kelvin to put his hands on his shoulders, thumbs pressing in hard to massage the muscles underneath. He lets his eyes close for just a breath, marveling at the pleasing give of Kelvin's flesh beneath his fingers, soft and warm. Kelvin's jacket is hanging neatly on a garment rack nearby, leaving just the shirt between their skin.
This is nothing new, of course, not when Keefe gives this massage nearly every Sunday, and more intimate massages besides. But every time Keefe is allowed close is a gift he refuses to take for granted. And today this gift comes with the renewal of a hope that he has been pushing down for so long that its resurgence has all his nerves on edge, and touching Kelvin is the deepest relief.
When Keefe opens his eyes, Kelvin is looking at him in their reflection.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he says.
Keefe scoffs at the praise but smiles, so pleased he feels it down to his abdomen. He massages up near the base of Kelvin’s neck.
“No, really,” Kelvin continues. “No one supports me like you do. I wouldn’t – I don’t think I’d be me without you.”
“I don’t know about that,” Keefe responds gently. “You’re a Gemstone. Destined for greatness.”
Kelvin removes his non-prescription glasses and sets them on the vanity in front of him. “I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at this.” He takes a shaky breath. “I’m tryin’ to tell you that I see us as partners, Keefe. Equals.”
Partners. Keefe is thinking on the word when Kelvin suddenly stands to face him, their bodies so close that the smallest breath could disturb the air between them. Keefe drops his arms to his sides, unsure what to do with his hands now that he’s not touching Kelvin.
Partners in business. Partners in crime. Partners…in life? In love?
“Aren’t you gonna say something?” Kelvin says, letting out a sheepish laugh. His vulnerability grips Keefe’s heart tightly, and the hope roars in his ears, loud as the congregation.
“I…could be your partner,” he says at last. “If a Gemstone needs such a thing.”
Warmth fills Kelvin’s eyes and softens his face. “You know we do,” he says, reaching up and putting a hand on Keefe’s shoulder. Keefe wants to look at where their bodies make contact, but he can’t release Kelvin’s gaze, which is full of an emotion Keefe is hesitant to name, but which he recognizes within himself.
“Well.” Keefe smiles bashfully. “You know I’d follow you anywhere, into the fire and flood and famine. War and pestilence. But I’ll do it by your side, if that’s what you want.”
Kelvin’s eyes close as he laughs and squeezes Keefe’s shoulder. “Let’s just start with stuff like cousins’ night, all right?”
Keefe laughs too, mostly as a response to Kelvin’s delight. “But I already came to cousins’ night.”
“I know, but.” Kelvin drops his hand and fidgets with one of his rings. “I wasn’t really honest about why I wanted you there.”
“Oh.” Keefe’s mouth goes dry. “That’s okay. You can be honest now.”
He wants to take Kelvin’s hands and guide him through this. But he understands, seeing the way Kelvin steels himself and sets his jaw, that there are some things Kelvin needs to walk through by himself. But Keefe can be there waiting for him on the other side.
“You belong at stuff like cousins’ night not because you’re my ‘best dude friend’” – Kelvin rolls his eyes at his own wording – “but because you’re no different than Amber or BJ. Do you understand?”
Keefe closes his eyes and smiles, exhaling the tightness that had been gripping his chest. He feels light as air. “I do. I do understand.”
“Good.” Kelvin laughs breathily and grabs Keefe’s wrists, pumping them up and down once. “Yes, excellent. Excelente.”
As they look at each other, twin smiles lighting the space between them, Keefe thinks again about the word partners, and what that means for them. Primarily, he thinks, it means they’ve chosen each other. Kelvin has chosen him. Not a kinship formed by blood, but one built with time and intention. Two people who are born apart, but come together despite all the paths that could lead them away.
The next move seems obvious, but the silence between them holds longer than feels right. And Keefe realizes: Kelvin took the first step because he needed to, but he can't lead here. For a moment, Keefe feels lost in the waves again, unsure how to proceed. But this is still Kelvin, who trusts him implicitly, and if there is one thing Keefe knows how to do, it's support Kelvin.
He smiles and raises a hand to brush the back of his fingers along Kelvin's chin. “I sure would like if you'd kiss me again," he says, putting words to what happened between them.
Kelvin wets his lips, and Keefe can't help but look. "Okay," Kelvin says. "Yeah, okay. Totally. Totes." There is an intensity in his eyes that makes Keefe's heart stutter, so he stretches his fingers to cup Kelvin's jaw and presses, urging him forward.
Kelvin obeys. His eyes drop closed and he bridges the gap between them, his lips suddenly warm and firm against Keefe's.
Heat instantly bursts in Keefe's chest and his hand curls round to hold the back of Kelvin's neck. It's a closed-mouth kiss like before, beautiful in its chasteness, salvation in the way it anchors him to this exact time and place and person. Nothing has ever felt as perfect as Kelvin's mouth against his, a divine blessing where what he desires is what God has planned for him, after all.
They exhale hard, together, and Kelvin pulls back, Keefe's mouth following briefly. Keefe hears Kelvin laugh nervously and opens his eyes to see his own joy mirrored back at him through Kelvin's face. He hardly notices how big he's smiling until Kelvin reaches up and pinches his cheek with aggressive affection. They laugh together, and Keefe has never felt so good and right in his own skin.
“Hey, y’all.” Judy pokes her head into the room. “We’re leavin’ for lunch in five.”
Her eyes flick to Keefe briefly before she disappears, and he raises his hand in a small wave a second too late.
“C’mon,” Kelvin says. “Help me into my jacket?”
Five minutes later, they’re walking down the hall toward the exit doors, where the light is pouring in. Jesse and Amber lead the charge, graceful and proud as swans, with Judy and BJ behind. Outside they’ll find Martin and Eli, with whom the Gemstone siblings will enter into a truce, if only for lunch. Upstairs at the restaurant they will all laugh and bicker, Eli holding court, and Keefe will sit beside Kelvin as an equal. As it ever was, and ever shall be.