Chapter Text
So, how is it?
It's okay I guess
It's okay? What's wrong?
It's nothing.
It's just weird..
Being here and not there.
It will get better hun
Give it some time
Hope you're right, mom
I always am.
Good night hun.
Goodnight mom.
So.. The first few days haven't been… Too bad. The people are nice, it's quiet, it's not too cold either. I can get used to this, yea, I can. Everything's going to be okay. You know it is. Mom knows it is too.. You trust her, don't you? You should. She wouldn't lie to you. You shouldn't lie to her too, she doesn't deserve it. Get better, if not for yourself, then for her. She wants you to get better…
Funny enough I showed up just when the break started, so I won't even get to see my classes until the break's over. Off to a fantastic start, I think. Exploring the town could be nice.. maybe meet some people, you do need friends after all. This is a brand new start. Cover up your disgusting marks, cover up your shame. Your favorite clothes are there, they'll keep you safe. They will keep you safe.
You're being judged, those eyes across the room.. They hate you. They're embarrassed to be in the same room as you, why do you keep them around when they clearly want to get away. If they could, they would have left you as soon as they could. They're perfect, absolutely perfect. Every detail on their design is as it should be, why can't you be like them too. Instead, you're naked, unfinished. You're missing the most important part of yourself, my rosettes, they complete me. Instead I get nothing, absolutely nothing. You look nothing like your mom… But she still loves you. How could she love someone that doesn't even look like them. How could she look at your face and be proud?
Knock it off, Corin. Stop thinking.. Stop thinking. Thinking gets you hurt…. Thinking makes you a weirdo. No one thinks like you do, it makes you stand out. Just put on your clothes and be like everyone else.
Fit in, be like them. Open that door and show everyone that you're just like them. Pass and make yourself feel better. Everyone likes me when I'm like them. Like what they like, do what they do. See, they love you now. Everyone approves of you now, even if you're lying to them, even if you're not like them. They think you're normal.. And that's good. You passed, you should be proud. Mom is proud, she has a normal kid, like everyone else.
Wait, who is that? I don't think I've seen them before.. You definitely haven't seen them before, they look nice. They look cool. Maybe you can be friends with them, or, maybe they'll think you're a weirdo. No one walks up to a stranger asking to be friends. Wait, is that a map of the campus? They go to your college, talk to them! Talk to them now! Don't let them get away.
"Hey, sorry, uh.. Do you go to Fallwood?" He noticed you, stay calm. "Huh? Oh.. Yea, yea I do. I'm new to the campus." He is? Me too! Maybe we can actually be friends. "Oh, really? Me too. I actually just moved here from another city." That's too much information! He doesn't need to know that, now he thinks you overshare, how could you be so stupid. "A city? I guess I understand why you moved here then, it's way quieter." He's laughing.. But it's not at you, I guess that's good. Maybe we can keep him laughing. "Heh, yep. It's definitely way quieter, it's kinda nice though. The people are nice too. They usually leave you alone." He seems interested at least, how he isn't bored out of his mind talking to someone as annoying as you, I'll never understand. "Mhm, I've noticed. I really like the area, only problem I have is how cold it is, it's freeezing. Though it seems like you've got it all covered with how much you're wearing." Is what I'm wearing too much? I thought this was right, everyone else is covered too. "Uh, what do you mean? Sorry I'm confused." He's laughing.. This time it's at you isn't it? "Heh, no no, you're fine. I just meant you look really comfy, I'm definitely not dressed for this weather. Coyotes and snow definitely don't mix." Oh, that's what he meant, okay, okay. We're okay. He's okay, you're okay. Quit being so nervous. You didn't do anything wrong.
"Well, uh, you can use my jacket if you want?" You idiot! He doesn't want your ugly jacket, why would he want something of yours, it's disgusting. "Oh, thanks. Thank you, really." He.. Actually likes it? Why are you smiling-? You never smile, what's wrong with you, are you sick? "Hey, I actually know a cafe just down the road, they make really good coffee-" how would you know what he likes! "- if-if you like coffee, that is." He seems happy, good. That's good. "Heh, I do like coffee, thanks for the recommendation." Maybe… maybe you two can get some. "I'm actually heading down there myself, would you.. would you like to come?" Why does he look so surprised-? Is that not a normal question? Oh no you messed up, apologize before it's too late, "sorry-" he.. He's laughing. He liked that? Stop questioning so much, you're such an idiot. "Hey, hey, no need to apologize, I'd love to come. It'll be nice to know where stuff is rather then having to look up a map every time I want a cup of coffee." Yea.. that would be pretty stupid- not saying that he's stupid- just that.. just that having to do that every time would be really annoying. That's what I meant, yea.. That's what I meant.