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It’s October, the month of trick-or-treatin’, costume parties, and most important of all – haunted houses.
And so it happens, on one chilly evening, that a certain Harley Quinn and her girlfriend, Poison Ivy, are standing in a queue outside the gates of a haunted house.
Despite her fascination for the holiday, Harley has actually never gone into any of these haunted house attractions. But it ain’ ‘cuz she’s scared or nothin’! She’d seen clips online of people in plaid shirts waving a hatchet while running after the visitors. Heck, she’d even seen – and most times was the cause of – massive pools of (usually fresh) blood, which is more gruesome than the red Kool Aid that decorate the floor of said haunted houses.
So yeah, she ain’ no pussy, but she does want someone to cling to – like, what if she trips in the dark or somethin’! It would be like cuddling while watching a horror movie, but even more romantic! Mistah J never cared for these gimmicks though, so she’s forgone it in the past years. But now that she has Pam – her sweet, grumpy Pammie who couldn’t say no when she used her signature sad puppy eyes – she can finally cross this off her bucket list.
And so they wait, Harley eagerly bouncing on her toes, with Pam standing closely behind her with arms wrapped around the bubbly blonde’s shoulders to keep her warm. The botanist fondly smiling down at the blonde who started giggling when a group of screaming teenagers burst out of the main entrance.
--
Ivy sighed.
They’ve been walking around a very dimly lit house for less than 10 minutes, but she was already going nearly deaf in one ear from her girlfriend’s high-pitched shrieks. She’s also pretty sure that Harley’s fingers have left numerous imprints that will probably become bruises from how hard the jester’s been clinging onto her arm. Two things that she definitely wouldn’t have minded having if it had been a few hours later, after their date, preferably when they were both more horizontal.
The “haunted” house was not spooky at all, at least in Ivy’s opinion. In fact, everything they’ve encountered so far was very underwhelming or predictable.
When they first entered, the first thing they saw was a massive lobby complete with the staircase and chandelier that seemed to be a must-have in every wealthy family’s mansion. Effort was made to make the steps look rundown, and it actually creaked as the couple made their way upstairs. The climb was pretty uneventful, but it didn’t stop Harley from squishing herself into her girlfriend’s side.
Upon reaching the top of the stairs, a human-sized lump covered in cloth suddenly swung down out of nowhere and would’ve hit them both if Harley hadn’t tackled Ivy into the ground. Harley had her face hidden in the crook of her girlfriend’s neck, weakly mumbling about ghosts as Ivy calmly cooed and rubbed circles onto her back. Thank Gaia Harley hadn’t tackled them down the stairs, Ivy thought.
After they got up and Harley shakily laughed it off, the blonde started tugging on Ivy’s arm so that they could explore one of the rooms down the hallway. They couldn’t’ve booby trapped every room in this big ass mansion, Ives! Eager to redeem her badass rep, she hastily opened a door and stepped into a pitch-black room. Then immediately started screaming and flailing, before tripping over her feet when she tried to dash away from the unseen terrors.
Worried when she heard a faint splash when Harley fell over, Ivy quickly flicked on a light switch by the door. On the floor Harley was covered head-to-toe with what appeared to be sticky, white, thinly stretched cotton strands. Spider webs, Ivy presumed. The whole room was covered with them, but the blonde herself was sitting on a floor filled with puddles of a red gooey substance. And blood, which seemed to be dripping from… Ivy looked up and was impressed to find a ginormous Theraphosa blondi spanning the ceiling. It was easily the size of at least 4 Harley’s.
Harley had clamped her mouth shut when she also noticed the giant furry spider, whimpering when she can see herself reflected as tiny specks on the creature’s red, beady eyes.
Concerned for her girlfriend, Ivy was about to step into the room when suddenly the arachnid lunged.
Harley shut her eyes, letting out one last muffled squeal as she accepted her death.
She was so convinced she was dead, until she felt someone – Ivy – gently shaking her shoulder, urging her to open her eyes. Reluctantly doing so, she watched in disbelief as she saw that the spider had stopped a foot above her head. After a few seconds, it was slowly pulled back into its original position through the strings attached to its body and legs. Damn, that got her good!
Flushing as Ivy started fussing over her, brushing off the webs caught in her hair and clothes, Harley was now determined more than ever to prove that she was no scaredy-cat!
--
It had been amusing to watch her girlfriend stubbornly square herself up as they faced one “horror” after another, but Ivy just couldn’t wait to get this whole thing over with. Harley was no doubt going to have trouble sleeping later, and Ivy was looking forward to showering (read: drowning) her cute girlfriend with affection when they get home.
Currently, the couple was turning into another corner, and Ivy was distracted from thoughts of cuddling an adorable Harley wrapped up like a blanket burrito when a costumed guy suddenly popped out, letting out a hoarse yell while swinging the “axe” in his hands wildly. His clothes and bare forearms were coated with dried faux blood. The upper half of his face was covered by a white mask that Ivy supposed was meant to look like it was sewn onto his head.
Harley squealed in terror and started running away, tugging Ivy with her as they ran into random corridors while the axe-man chased them.
Unfortunately, one of their random turns led them to a deep hallway with nowhere else to run to. Stuck in a dead end, the masked figure cackled as he approached the couple.
Harley let out a whimper and hid behind Ivy as the man “menacingly” stepped closer to them. Ivy rolled her eyes but took a more defensive stance in front of her girl anyway. If she wasn’t used to the jester’s unpredictability, she wouldn’t have believed that this was the same person who nearly destroyed Gotham a year ago. Seriously, this masked idiot should be the one cowering away from her Harley!
When the man took another step closer and “threateningly” waved his prop again, the jester cowering behind Ivy did something that stunned all three of them.
Harley let out another shrill scream, pushed her girlfriend into the masked man… then ran.
Really really fast.
Past Pam and the masked man, who were still both frozen in surprise.
Ivy watched as her girlfriend bolted down the way they came from until she disappeared into another hallway.
A flurry of emotions passed through the redhead. Shock. Confusion. Betrayal.
Then outrage. The nerve--!
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Ivy rationalized that this was not a serious life-or-death situation and that Harley (well, the post-Joker Harley anyway) wouldn’t have abandoned her if it really was. But still!
She cast a glance at the axe in the guy’s hands, who looked down at it as well.
Wordlessly, the masked figure slowly knelt down on one knee, head lowered as he offered the weapon to her on flat palms. Be my guest, he seemed to say.
A quiet understanding passed over them as the redhead accepted the axe. She gave him a terse but thankful nod, before angrily chasing after her girlfriend.