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Namjoon rode his bike down the path, the pink petals falling around him, swirling in the wind. His grip on the bike’s handles tight as he sped down the path, his eyes on the gate he would soon have to pass through. Namjoon gasped, his eyes squeezing shut as the breaks on the bike screeched to a stop. A white cat strolled across his path, stopping just in front of the front wheel, staring up at Namjoon, its mouth opening in a lazy yawn. In a way it reminded Namjoon of Yoongi. The comparison of the eldest rapper to a feline was not unknown to the members, with Namjoon tagging Yoongi on a picture of a cat on Instagram. Though that was quickly undone with a scowl from Yoongi, muttering under his breath of not understanding the comparison.
The cat gave a stretch, its two white front paws curling, its claws shining in the sunlight. With an almost appreciative nod, the cat began to walk again, it’s target a small patch of direct sunlight under the blossom tree.
Thinking of the rapper made Namjoon jolt, checking his watch on his left wrist. With a curse, Namjoon put a foot on the pedal, starting to race through the park, his satchel hitting the gate as he glided through the small corner of the gate, his feet up as he tried to not get stuck. An almost elegant stumble. Yoongi’s apartment was still a few minutes away, though he knew the elder would still be in his studio, always 15 minutes later than when he said he’d be out. Inspiration hitting at the worst time. The thought of Yoongi in the studio with the white cat mat just outside the door made Namjoon chuckle aloud, shaking his head. White cats just seemed to follow Yoongi.
Yoongi’s apartment building came into view, Namjoon’s legs starting to ache at the first sight of rest. Jungkook’s car was parked up front, the other two probably with him just inside. As with his studio Jungkook was the only one to know the passcode and own a key to Yoongi’s apartment. Halting to a stop, his leg aching as he put one foot on the pavement, Namjoon tried to find signs of whether the elder had beat him to it. Finding none, he took his time locking up his bike, shoving the key deep in his pocket. With a look up to one of Yoongi’s apartment windows Namjoon’s feet turned to lead. Every step feeling heavier and more painful than the last. The dread he had been ignoring was no longer quiet enough to not listen. Instead the pit in his stomach stayed there, churning, reminding him of the change, of what was to come.
“Namjoon.” Jungkook breathed as Namjoon opened the front door to Yoongi’s apartment. Finding it unlocked after the youngest let himself, Jimin and Taehyung in. Namjoon gave Jungkook a simple smile, hugging the youngest in what felt like a long time. They had all kept in touch, though their own schedules had kept them from seeing each other in person, or at least Namjoon’s had. With that, Namjoon had his own fears. Could it be the same? Should it be the same? Should it be different? But if it’s supposed to be different and it’s not is that bad? All of their schedules, any reason they told the others as to why they couldn’t meet up was not as big as Yoongi’s schedule of a world tour. Well, as much as Yoongi could do in the time given to him. But now that was over.
Namjoon didn’t have time to mull over what that meant. Jungkook still staring at him expectantly.
“Have you heard about Hoseok and Seokjin?” Jungkook asked, his voice cautious, wanting. Namjoon knew the youngest had struggled without the oldest. They all had. Namjoon nodded.
“Yeah, they’re able to make it. They’ll meet us there, but again, like last time, they can’t be filmed.”
The air held the same awkwardness and heaviness as Namjoon’s mom’s house did just before his grandmother’s funeral. All he was missing was a suit and tie. Namjoon couldn’t let Yoongi walk into that. Yoongi at the concert was enough to tell Namjoon the elder had a broken heart. The rapper had never been shy about his feelings about his service. The dread he always felt. Namjoon honestly thought his shoulder would be enough to save Yoongi from the nightmare he dreaded every year he aged. Somehow it didn’t. And Namjoon could only be sorry for the elder.
Before Namjoon could speak to Jimin or Taehyung the front door began to open, and Namjoon’s breath began to stop.
There, in the doorway was Yoongi. A duffle bag slung over his shoulder, no doubt filled with anything he should have taken from his studio months ago. Finally taken with the thought that there was no more time to procrastinate. As Jungkook embraced the elder, asking how his time in the studio was, Namjoon still focused on the bag. He couldn’t quite reach Yoongi’s eyes yet.
“What? At least it's low maintenance Joon.” Yoongi drawled, making Namjoon look up. Yoongi wore a soft smile, his eyes narrow, some emotion Namjoon couldn’t read in his eyes. His eyes glistened in a way that Namjoon knew despite his smile he wasn’t okay. Still, Yoongi stood there, eyes on Namjoon, his hand running over his newly shaved head. A few cuts just below the bottom of where his old hair used to hang. It was dramatic, the exchange from long hair that moved, to a shaved head. It’s why Namjoon had his cut short, so he didn’t have to have that dramatic moment. He couldn’t do that to himself. He now wished Yoongi did the same. They used to joke, all seven of them, back when Yoongi’s hair changed with the album cover, that Yoongi’s hair would fall out. That he’d match the idols going off for service. That’s all they were though. Jokes. They all thought Yoongi’s shoulder injury would save him. Namjoon wondered if Yoongi used that as a safety blanket. Didn’t think about it, thinking he would be okay.
“It looks great hyung.” He smiled, stepping up to hug Yoongi. “Have you shown the fans?” Yoongi shook his head, chuckling.
“They’re still talking about the tattoo reveal, I’ll save them another heart attack until the company posts the photos.”
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The paparazzi weren’t here like how they were for Jin’s. Namjoon was grateful, with paparazzi Yoongi always wanted to rush through. And Namjoon didn’t want to rush this. Didn’t want to say goodbye too soon.
The youngest three got out the vans first, all three chatting, this day distant for all of them, though Namjoon heard that Jungkook was thinking of moving it up, wanting it over with.
Yoongi stayed behind in the van, even when Namjoon jumped out, turning to let the elder to move forward.
“You okay hyung?” Namjoon asked softly, watching as Yoongi turned from looking out the window, his eyebrows furrowed, his bottom lip in between his teeth.
“Yeah.” Yoongi nodded, a shaky smule appearing. “I’ll be fine Namjoon, your hyung’s strong.”
“Yeah, you had Seokjin as a roommate, you can get through anything.” Yoongi chuckled, the first real laugh Namjoon’s heard for a while emitting from his lips.
“You’re lucky he’s not here to hear that. Though I guess I could be in his unit, then you’ll get a strongly worded letter.”
“Tell him I can’t wait for it.” Yoongi gave another grin, shaking his head before sliding out the van.
“Where are they anyway?” With that question a distant shout of ‘Yoongi’ could be heard. Turning to each other, Namjoon and Yoongi grinned, saying in unison, “Hoseok”. As if he heard his name, Hoseok appeared through the crowd, running forward.
“Yoongi-yah! You’re joining us. The hair suits you!”
“Hoseok.” Yoongi breathed an almost sigh of relief, though his voice broke, his arms around the other rapper. Only a few minutes Seokjin arrived, his shoulders somehow more square, standing up straight, more relaxed than Hoseok, though that quickly faltered as soon as Jungkook was by his side, a teasing shout coming from the macknae.
It was here that Namjoon took a moment. This is when it all began. When it all changed. Namjoon started BTS with Yoongi. Created everything with Yoongi. Understood everything with Yoongi. Cried with Yoongi. Yoongi was the one he went to after their first performance, where they cried in the studio, realising it had all begun for them. It was Yoongi’s arms he found himself in after they won their first daesang, both with tears streaming down their face.
But it was also Yoongi who he fought with, throwing clothes at each other. Apologised to Hoseok with Yoongi. He knew his maturity, his personality, his understanding of himself was because of Yoongi. With Yoongi’s unapologetic foundation within himself, and his journey through life, Namjoon knew he only had Yoongi to thank for where he was right now. So Yoongi going, disappearing from his life, meant that Namjoon almost had to now be by himself. It started the moment of Namjoon not having his support. The calm rapper who seemed to shout at the world enough for Namjoon to understand it.
Yoongi leaving was the end to everything. But also the start, and Namjoon wasn’t sure what he feared more.
It was time. Namjoon was the last one he had to say goodbye to before he went to his family. BTS would still be there, just Yoongi got some time with his parents and brother. Namjoon knew Yoongi saw the tears in the brim of his eyes. The eldest only giving a small smile, his own eyes red.
“I’ll see you soon Runch Randa.” Namjoon gave a chuckle at his old nickname.
“I’ll miss you Gloss.”
Namjoon let the tears fall as he watched Yoongi walk away to his family, he could feel the other boys’ eyes on him. The camera finally down by the staff member’s side.
Yoongi leaving was the final period in this part of his life. The beginning of a new chapter of his life. HYBE might have said chapter two had already started for BTS. But this was when it truly did for Namjoon. Yoongi was the final full stop in BTS as it was. The first of the founding members gone, and Namjoon could only feel himself slip with him.