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James was awake again. His head was heavy and his eyes were lidded and he felt dead on his feet by all means, he should be asleep by now- but of course, his insomnia works the night shift yet again. He isn’t sure what the time is and is too lazy to grab his wand and cast a Tempus charm, so he resigns himself to another long night of staring at the dark navy behind his eyelids.
It had been a long enough day as it is, he had hoped he would get some reprieve by the night- he was wrong, clearly. James can help but feel intense envy of last night- the night when James had Regulus Black sleeping in his bed next to him, sleeping with him. Not only had he slept soundly for the first time in months, but he had found his cure in none other than Regulus.
Last night had been a night of many revelations. Firstly, the youngest Black brother was somehow the cure for insomnia. Secondly, at some point he had developed a crush on said Black brother. Thirdly, he was fucked.
James was completely fucked because, after months and months of attempting to befriend Regulus, James had blown it in a single night- because now Regulus refused to even look at him. James- being extroverted to an almost annoying level- had made it his mission to befriend Regulus much like he had Sirius during their first year at Hogwarts.
James remembers the first few months after he first met Sirius, the silence that he allowed to stretch along for hours at a time, the barely noticeable flinches that rippled his body whenever someone moved too fast, the tears that brimmed his eyes whenever someone raised their voice just a little too loud- it was devastating to an 11-year-old James, who had only ever known the love and support of Euphemia and Fleamont.
Though, there would be times when Sirius would bark out a too-loud laugh, or whisper something snarky in James’ ear during potions class that would make James slap a hand over his mouth- and James would get a tiny glimpse of the boy who was hiding inside the body of a Pureblood heir. And so, it became 11-year-old James’ mission to unravel said Pureblood heir, and gain a friend in the process.
His mission was successful, obviously, seeing as Sirius was now living in his house, acting as a pseudo-brother to James and pseudo-son to his parents.
James had concocted a new plan, one that was eerily similar to his previous one, because see- Regulus is so alike Sirius that first year it's almost scary. The only difference was that the younger Black heir was a shit-ton more resistant to James’ friendly advances than Sirius ever was, but James was never one to back out of a challenge.
Normally, James would back out by now- enough scoldings from Lily over the years had shaped him into someone who could recognize when their advances aren’t exactly wanted- but James couldn’t help how Regulus intrigued him
James was really trying not to fixate on the way just a glance from Regulus could slap a smile on his face for hours after it had happened. Those weird, oddly consuming thoughts were shoved into a small cardboard box inside his mind that was dutifully labeled “Don’t look into this too closely!”
More than anything, James craved to see the Regulus he hadn’t gotten to see quite yet, the one he had gotten a small glimpse of last night-
And so, it has become 16-year-old James’ mission to unravel yet another Pureblood boy, and hopefully gain a friend in the process.
Admittedly- the plan was going pretty shit so far.
It had been going great! Before Regulus climbed into his bed and then refused to even look James in the eyes the following day.
Regulus was even more flighty than Sirius, so James isn’t really surprised at the silence though he can admit that he hates it. Breakfast earlier that day had been an awkward affair- or, it was between Regulus and James at least. James remembers the curious and concerned looks his mother had been sending him over the flowery table decor- James had just given her a purposefully confused shrug.
That day had been filled with Regulus quickly exiting the room the second James walked into it, refusing to make eye contact or do practically anything with him. They usually had a quick fly or seeker game between lunch and dinner- and James had waited patiently by the broom shed for any sign of the smaller Black brother- and was disappointed when Regulus hadn’t shown- assumably locked in his bedroom. James had thrown the snitch up and chased it by himself for an hour but found it wasn’t nearly as entertaining without Regulus’ snarky remarks about how awful of a seeker James was.
Sirius still hadn’t returned home from Wales with Remus, which meant Regulus was probably doing the exact same thing as James right now; sitting in his bed completely unable to fall asleep.
After a few long minutes of twisting and turning under his duvet, James frustratedly threw it off him, his socked feet making a dull thud against the wooden floor as he stood up. In the darkness he felt around on his nightstand for his glasses, shoving them onto his face and making his way to the door.
Selfishly, James hopes that when he walks down the stairs he will see a black head of hair sitting on the couch, waiting to be led back to bed. His body ends up at the bottom of the stairs and he feels sharp disappointment when the couch is empty, the fireplace dark and cold. He starts padding toward the kitchen, hoping some of his mother's chamomile tea might soothe his tired head. James tries not to think about the three creams and sugars he had poured into a mug just the night previous.
James grabs the tiny grey package from the tea basket placed on the counter, his hands moving towards the kettle and- its half-full, still warm.
The hope from a few minutes ago comes creeping back into his mind, he sets the tea box back onto the counter and starts to look around for any sign of who he hopes is lurking somewhere. James’ eyes sweep the living room once more thinking maybe the boy was hiding somewhere in the shadows like he usually does- it’s empty.
James walks around the kitchen and stops dead when he sees the back door slightly ajar, the nighttime breeze making the blinds flutter softly. James walks toward the door until he's close enough to see past the doorframe and to the steps leading to the yard, he tries to stifle his small breath of surprise when he sees Regulus sitting on the stone steps, holding a steaming mug of tea between his crossed knees.
Despite the apprehension he feels as he silently watches Regulus, he can’t help the giddiness that fills his chest like it always does whenever he gets to look at Regulus. James walks forward and his foot makes the wooden steps creak loudly. Regulus’ head snaps around and some of the water inside of the mug spills over onto Regulus' pale hands, Regulus doesn’t even seem to notice, too focused on looking at James with a wide-eyed expression.
James moves to sit down beside Regulus on the top step, not close enough to touch but close enough for Regulus to eye the distance between them suspiciously.
“What are you doing?” Regulus’ voice is biting and James feels his smile slip just a bit before slapping it on brighter.
“Well, Reggie, looks like I'm sitting on my porch steps at two in the morning,” James says.
“Don’t call me that” Regulus mutters darkly.
James is expecting that- Sirius is the only one who gets to call Regulus that, and even then Sirius gets a nasty glare whenever he utters the nickname. Regulus brings the mug to his lips, tipping the warm liquid into his mouth. He doesn’t look at James again, instead opting to stare out at the overgrown grass swishing gently in the breeze.
“Why are you sitting here?” Regulus’ expression is stony and James is reminded of how poorly his “Befriend Regulus” mission was currently going. If the tension in Regulus’ shoulders has anything to say about it. James thought the night of rest they had both gotten might have helped with that- but it is obvious he was wrong. James figured even if he had majorly screwed up his somewhat developing friendship with Regulus, at least the boy had gotten a few mere hours of sleep.
“Because I couldn’t sleep” The honesty in James’ voice makes Regulus’ mouth twitch into a frown for less than a second and then it is quickly masked by a scowl.
“So you decided to sit here?” Regulus scoffs, sipping from his mug once more.
The attitude is familiar at least- James hates not knowing where exactly they stand now, but the annoyed quirk in Regulus’ lip is not new.
“You didn’t seem to mind me sitting with you last night”
Regulus stiffens slightly, like speaking a single word about the fact that Regulus was in his bed less than a day ago is simply a taboo topic- perhaps it was, now. Regulus predictably doesn’t respond but his lip stays curled.
With a jolt, James realizes the root of the anger- a defense. For the first time in the few months of starting to know Regulus, he sees a similarity. Not between Regulus and Sirius, no, he sees it clear as day between Regulus and himself.
People he knew often described James as an open book, and it was true- to an extent. James was open but not vulnerable. He gave just enough for people to nod their heads and not ask any more questions because the thought of someone really knowing him absolutely terrified him. It was irrational, he knew- but the second James felt threatened, felt like his mind wasn’t his anymore, his anger came to light.
It wasn’t explosive anger like Sirius’, or petty anger like Remus’, it was a quiet anger, an unsettling anger. A fit of anger that made him shut down and close off, windows shut and doors locked. It was hard to notice and James liked it that way, lest his friends take note and grow worried. It would last in bouts where James would grow a little too silent, his practically silent anger building walls out of stone and concrete in his mind until he felt okay enough to let himself open up again.
James’ anger is one of his only defenses against himself, and it might just be one of Regulus' too.
James can practically see the invisible shield building behind Regulus’ pissed-off eyes and it is eerily similar to looking into a mirror.
James feels his smile slip off his face and his hands curl into fists in his lap, the fabric of his pajama pants scrunching up uncomfortably. I fucked up, didn’t I?
“I’m sorry”
Regulus’ face smooths out in shock for a few seconds, his eyes wide and mouth parted slightly. His face changes again to one of confusion and James holds back his smile at the easy expressions Regulus seemingly can’t help but express. It reminds James of those stop motion films Lily made him watch on her little muggle device last term, the characters starting and stopping just enough for you to take notice, but not enough to take away from the big picture.
“Why- why are you apologizing?” Regulus’ voice is harsh and James winces.
“I, uhm. I think I might’ve crossed a line last night- and just now actually. I know I can get carried away and you were tired and I just wanted to help you but-” James feels a little nauseous watching the way Regulus’ eyes dance around his face cautiously.
“But clearly I just made it worse and I won’t do it again and I’m sorry-”
“Stop talking”
James’ jaw snaps shut with an almost painful click, fingers fisting tighter at the material of his pants. Regulus glares at him with an indescribable look on his face, and this time James can’t seem to pause the frame to dissect this boy's face like he could when watching the stop motions.
“What are you apologizing for?”
This little test Regulus is performing on him has James a little panicked, his nerves only growing when Regulus’ stare doesn’t waver.
“For… sleeping with you…?”
James immediately regrets the phrasing when Regulus’ face contorts into an amused smirk.
“Sleep with me, did you?
James' mouth opens and closes for a few seconds, and he is certain he is doing a showstopping impression of a fish out of water.
“You know that's not what I meant, Reg” James mutters.
Regulus doesn’t snap at him for using the nickname, and James takes that as a win. The amused look on Regulus’ face persists and James feels hope curl in his chest amid the obvious tension lying between them.
In a move out of character for him, Regulus thrusts his mug of tea at James, forcing James’ hands to unclench and fumble for the mug so it doesn’t spill out onto his person. James looks at Regulus quizzically but Regulus seems to be looking anywhere but James at the moment, so James takes what he can get and takes a small sip from the murky tea- it was still a little warm and it felt amazing going down James dry throat. He goes in for another sip.
“Don’t apologize for that, James” Regulus mumbles tersely and the mug pauses where it is just about to James’ lips.
“...For what?”
James stares at Regulus as he grimaces and fidgets like the answer to James' question is banging against the walls of Regulus' tense body, begging to be let out.
“For- helping me… last night”
The words are spoken with reluctance, Regulus’ eyes still refusing to move from where they seem to be death glaring at an innocent tree on the other side of the yard. James can’t help but feel a wave of endearment at the way Regulus scowls fiercely as if the admission disgusts him- knowing Regulus, it probably does. Maybe I didn’t fuck up as much as I thought I did.
“Why, is Regulus Black admitting that James Potters’ charms have helped him?” The broad grin on his face makes Regulus turn his glare on James and James just smiles harder.
“Could you cease with the dramatics? I didn’t say that, and you have no charm, James”
The insult feels absolutely nothing like an insult coming from Regulus' mouth. Regulus finally looks at him, with annoyance in his eyes of course- James wouldn’t have it any other way.
Regulus reaches for the mug with one hand, his pale fingers smoothing against James’ in the process, making sparks fly up James' hands. James stares at the boy a little longer, taking him in from the slightly curly black hair to the soft curve of his nose and the still-sneering mouth.
“Right,” he says cheekily. “Whatever you say, Regulus” Regulus just shakes his head as his lips wrap around the rim of the mug.
A not-uncomfortable silence descends between them and James leans back a little to look up at the sky far above them, it's a clear night tonight, all the stars showing starkly against the black mass. James wonders if Regulus’ star is out tonight, and he starts to connect the different star patterns in his mind.
A memory of Sirius rambling on about every star in the solar system one night on the quidditch pitch. They had snuck out one night after a Hogsmeade trip the day prior, all the students were either drunk or asleep, too drunk or asleep to notice James and Sirius sneak out of the dorm under James’ invisibility cloak. Never mind the fact James and Sirius were also probably much too drunk to be walking around the Hogwarts grounds past midnight, but since when did they do what they were supposed to?
James recalls the look on Sirius' face as he stared up at the Leo constellation, pointing at the Regulus star with a specific type of longing on his face.
“The name Regulus means “little king” in Latin, did you know that, Prongs?”
They are lying on their backs on the shortly trimmed grass of the quidditch pitch, the invisibility cloak laying beneath them. They smell of fire whisky, troll vodka, and cigarette smoke and James hates it and loves it.
James' head sways over to Sirius, his vision swimming. Sirius looks sad, James thinks.
“That's cool, Pads.” James slurs messily.
“Is it? I think it's pretty fucking ironic, actually” Sirius huffs.
Even drunk and high out of his mind, James can easily pick up on his best friend's bitter tone, and his eyebrows furrow as he watches Sirius.
“Sometimes-” Sirius hiccups. “Sometimes I think Regulus should’ve been Heir- a true fucking King. Sometimes I wish he had been the firstborn so I didn’t have to deal with all this Black Heir bullshit”
James opens his mouth, to say what he has absolutely no clue about, but he doesn’t get the chance. Sirius’ thoughts about Regulus flooding the night air.
“I don’t know how he does it. I’m a fucking mess and he’s always been the perfect fucking son. It’s my parent's fault- I fucking hate my parents for pinning us against each other, but I hate him too, James” Sirius’ voice is bitter and poisonous, and also completely devastated.
Tears streak from Sirius's eyes and down the sides of his face, eventually falling into the grass below him without permission. James pushes himself up on his elbows so he can look at Sirius easier, and he almost regrets it because at this angle he can see the pain on Sirius’ face so clearly it feels like it's his own pain, not his best friend's.
“I don’t think you do, Sirius…”
Sirius laughs, it sounds empty and horrible.
“Yeah- yeah, I think you’re right”
James is knocked out of his memories by a dull thump. Regulus has placed his almost empty cup beside him on the deck. James’ eyes are a little dry from staring at the sky for so long, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see Regulus staring up too.
“Where are you tonight?” James asks.
“I thought you took astronomy last year, shouldn’t you know?” Regulus remarks smartly with a teasing glance at James.
“You must have high standards of me if you think I listened to anything Professor Callisto had to say in that class,” James laughs. “I mean, she spent half the class adjusting the telescopes, I doubt anyone learned shit in that class”
Regulus raises his eyebrows. “How do I know that's not an excuse?”
James loves this version of Regulus, the version that will tease him and banter back and forth with him. This version of Regulus doesn’t show up often, so James makes a mental note to bask in it tonight.
“Moony was in the class too! Honestly, Regulus! I don’t know how that woman got the go-ahead to teach astronomy when she barely knows how to stand a telescope up straight!”
Regulus barks out a laugh, almost immediately slapping a hand over his mouth, James beams at the noise. After a few seconds of his shoulders shaking minutely, Regulus stops laughing, though he can’t seem to get the smile on his face to disappear.
“I’ll ask Remus then,” Regulus says, looking back at the sky.
“What, you believe Remus but not me?” James asks.
“Absolutely”
“I’m heartbroken, Reggie”
“Shut up, James”
James shuts his mouth as asked, busying himself with trying to locate the Regulus star. He points up, a little to his left. “Is it that one?” He asks
“No,” Regulus says.
“That one?” James frowns.
“You’re bad at this” Regulus has a smug smirk on his face and James moves his body, shoving his shoulder into Regulus’ purposely.
“You aren’t even trying to help me!” James exclaims loudly.
“Why would I do that?” Regulus laughs and shoves him back.
“Regulus.”
The younger boy sighs exasperatedly “Fine, a little North”
“Is that left or right?”
“Holy shit, you’re useless” Regulus laughs again, he forgets to cover his mouth this time and James preens at the smile he sees. The “befriend Regulus” plan is coming back together.
“Rude. Help me” His voice raises into a whine and Regulus rolls his eyes so far back James worries they’ll get stuck at the back of his skull.
Another annoyed huff. “Left, James”
James feels his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration, trying his best to pinpoint the stars in the sky. A few moments of helpless pointing later, James feels rather than sees a small hand wrap around his hand, the sparks from before come back, thrumming under his skin.
Regulus moves his hand slowly, guiding him until his pointer finger lands at a cluster of stars in the sky, almost immediately James recognizes them, his head playing a mini-game of connect the dots. James would love to admire the stars more but his mind is a little occupied with the cold hand still holding his stationary.
“Oh, found it” James hopes his voice doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels at the simple contact, it’s a little ridiculous, James thinks. Regulus isn’t even holding his hand, not really. And even if he was, it really doesn’t explain the stuttering in his chest. James hopes Regulus holds on a little longer.
“No, I found it” Regulus snarks.
James shifts his weight. “Teamwork makes the dream work,” He says. Regulus’ neck swivels until James can feel the full effect of the glare he is sending. “That is the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard”
James grins because he doesn’t think he can manage anything else. Their hands are still touching and James' arm is starting to cramp from keeping it up for so long, Regulus’ probably is too.
James looks at the Regulus star again and wonders when it got brighter since the last time he really looked at it, that night with Sirius. He is about to ask Regulus if stars can even get brighter when he feels pale fingers slip in between his and his thoughts clank together in his head.
Their now intertwined hands come down between them. Regulus’ hand in his feels exactly like it did last night, soft and gentle and indecisive but good.
Regulus looks up at him for just a second, gauging his reaction to the impromptu hand-holding, James sends him a small smile and makes a split-second decision to pull at the hand holding his. Regulus said he was okay with last night, right? Then this is fine… right?
James tugs until Regulus’ body is pulled flush against his, and Regulus lets out a small huff of air in surprise. Unlike last night, Regulus isn’t middle of some kind of panic attack, his movements are not impaired by panic.
The top of Regulus’ head rests just below James' chin and he catches a whiff of Regulus shampoo- he smells like rainwater and posh soap. James wants to shove his nose into the curls but stops that thought almost immediately because he was not very friend-like, plus he was trying to befriend Regulus, not sniff him like a nosy dog.
Although he can’t help bringing his free hand up to Regulus' forehead, halting just before meeting his hairline, asking a silent question. When his hand isn’t swatted away, James moves his fingers to sift through Regulus' curls, feeling a little triumphant when Regulus unconsciously leans into the touch.
After a few minutes of James scratching (and smelling) Regulus, he glances down to see Regulus’ eyes fluttering dangerously. With a small smile, James lets his hand fall away from Regulus’ head. Regulus lifts his head a bit, glaring at him like a particularly pissed-off cat whose owner dared to stop petting it.
“Bedtime, I think” James sighs, his thumb rubbing over the veins in Regulus’ hand.
“Mhm,” Regulus nods and James is worried for a second he is going to pull away. Personally, that is an awful thought as of right now.
A swell of anxiety causes James’ breath to get caught in his throat and Regulus glances up at him in confusion.
“My bed?” James says quietly, hopefully.
Regulus looks at him for a few seconds and James panics, just a bit. “It’s okay if not, I just know Sirius isn’t back yet and if you don’t want to that’s fine I just thought- you said earlier- sorry it’s fine-”
A hand is slapped over his mouth. James can’t tell if Regulus is blushing or if the nighttime breeze is making his pale face grow cold. Regulus gives a small nod and James lets out a shaky laugh.
“Promise me you won’t ignore me in the morning?”
Regulus huffs out a laugh. “I always try my best to ignore you, James”
James smiles a bit, squeezing Regulus' hand. “Yeah, well could you try to ignore me a little less- seeing as you’re sleeping in my bed all night?”
Good god, curse his absolutely nonexistent brain-to-mouth filter. “That’s not what I meant-”
“Sure, James. I will sleep in your bed and ignore you a little less in the morning.”
“Just a little less?”
“Yes, you can’t possibly expect me to deal with you all day”
“Sirius deals with me all day”
“That's because Sirius is fucking mental, and you are practically the same person. I ignore both of you as much as possible”
“Wow, I feel so loved, Reg” James smirks sarcastically.
Regulus just rolls his eyes again before snatching his mug from beside him, chugging the last bit of cold tea. James forces his legs to move, groaning a bit as they strain from sitting down for so long. He tugs Regulus up with him, not letting go of his hand. The screen door is shoved open as softly as possible though it still makes a too-loud creak.
Regulus sets the mug in the kitchen sink as they walk past it, through the living room, and back up the creaky stairs.
James pushes his bedroom door open, pulling Regulus through the room, past all the nick-nacks and jerseys lying on the hardwood floors. James can practically feel the judgment of his messy room radiating off Regulus.
James tumbles into his bed, bringing down Regulus with him.
After a few minutes of shifting covers and pillows with an embarrassing amount of difficulty, because they didn’t let go of each other's hands throughout the entire ordeal, which made it nearly impossible to untangle blankets with a single hand, they finally settled.
James reaches over to grab his wand, casting a Nox to the lamp before taking his glasses off and placing them on his bedside table.
Though their hands were locked and touching, Regulus lay on the other side of the bed- much too far away, in James' opinion. They laid together last night and it was great-
“Come here,” James spoke into the dark.
Regulus moves toward him before his sentence is even done like he was waiting for the words to inevitably spill from James’ mouth. With a tired huff, Regulus collapses onto James' chest, and without even thinking James moves one of his hands to start carding through Regulus' hair and is rewarded with a barely audible sign into his chest.
James once again sees a striking resemblance to a cat, he knows for a fact he would get a painful stinging jinx if he were to say his thoughts aloud.
James already feels himself slipping, his usually hyperactive mind moving rather sluggish, his eyes already drooping. The last thing he feels before he lets his body fall into the hazy feeling behind his eyes is a hand squeezing his.