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This was it. Stiles already had the note written and he already knew how he was going to do it. He knew no one would miss him, not even Scott or his father. He messed everything up, got his dad fired… Caused Scott to turn into a werewolf, which basically ruined his life. It was his fault his mom died, his fault everything was happening. Stiles was bad luck, he broke things, was a nuisance to everyone around him.
Stiles sat in his bedroom starring at the Adderall in his hands, along with the sleeping pills he had been prescribed for when he used to get panic attacks. He had all of 30 pills in his hands and he was going to take all of them, end all the pain he causes. He looked up, seeing his pitiful face in the mirror on his desk, his hair cut short. When he used to get panic attacks he would pull it out, so his father always made him have it short just in case. His eyes had deep bags under them from the lack of sleep he had been getting since his dad had gotten fired. He would stay up late at night worrying where his dad was. He didn’t come home much anymore since he lost the position as sheriff. No one would understand why Stiles did it—he was always happy, right? Always cracking jokes and making sure everyone else laughed. But sometimes it’s the happiest people you have to worry about the most. Stiles was good at fooling people, even werewolves with built in lie detectors. He’s had years to practice. Scott never even knew he had panic attacks until this year. Don’t get him wrong he’d tried talking to people –Scott- about it, but the boy was so caught up in Allison that he didn’t really –listen- much anymore.
Stiles picked up his note, reading it again and sighing. This was the last thing anyone would have to remember him by. Not that anyone would care. No one cared about weak little Stiles. Not Lydia—no, Jackson was her main focus. No one could ever like Stiles in that way. Stiles was weird and insane and messed up in the head.
He looked down at the pills in his hand again and took a deep breath. Suddenly there was a knock on his newly locked window, a dark haired figure standing there with an annoyed look on his face, which instantly disappeared when he saw the tears in the young boy’s eyes.
“Stiles? Stiles, let me in. What’s going on?” Derek’s voice was only mildly worried at first, until suddenly he caught a whiff of the air. Medicine and pain. “Stiles, if you don’t open this damned window right now I will break it down.” A sigh escaped his lips as the boy got up and walked towards the window, but that relief was soon replaced by complete and utter terror when all Stiles did was close the curtains.
“Go away Derek.” His voice lacked all of the qualities Derek loved about it. It lacked the sarcasm, and the love and the joy. It lacked Stiles.
“I’m breaking the fucking thing in.” Derek growled, punching out and climbing threw the broken glass, not minding the cuts he got, because who cares? They’d heal soon enough. When Derek was in the room he was greeted with a truly heartbreaking sight. Stiles sat on his bed unmoving and unfazed by Derek’s entrance, blue and white pills in his hands.
“Stiles what the hell is going…” And that’s when he saw it. The note. As he spotted it he saw Stiles hand moving towards his mouth “Oh no you don’t” Derek growled all his emotions bubbling to the surface as he swatted Stiles hand. The boy’s eyes instantly lit up in panic.
“How am I going to find all of them? I need them all to make sure this works!” he was frantic, crawling around on the ground and picking up as many pills as he could find. Most people would find this scene pitiful, but all Derek felt was pain, shear pain that broke him apart as he lifted Stiles off the ground and laid him on his bed.
“Stiles, look at me, please.” Nothing. “Stiles…” Still no reaction. “God Damn it Stiles you better fucking look at me.” Finally his eyes came up to meet the wolf’s.
“Why won’t you let me do it?”
“Damn it Stiles, are you really that dense? I can’t … you were really going to do it, weren’t you?” A nod was all he got in return. And that’s when Derek broke down, Derek the sour wolf who didn’t cry, who didn’t let anyone get to him, started to cry. And not just any kind of crying, but gut wrenching sobs. “Stiles, why? Why would you do that to everyone… Why would you do that to me…?”
Stiles was taken off guard as he watched Derek cry.
“I’m no good Derek, I’m dirt. I mess everything up. I don’t help. No one cares.”
“How can you say that? Fuck, Stiles. You are worth so much. You help the pack, you have saved my life on countless occasions… you are worth everything. You ARE everything… My everything.” Derek’s tears finally subdued as he slammed his lips into Stiles’ and just kissed, not caring if the boy didn't feel the same, which Derek soon found out wasn’t the case when Stiles returned it with just as much passion.
“Don’t you ever, ever scare me like that again, or make me feel that helpless. Do you hear me, Stilinski? I cried. I hate crying.”
“You’re cute when you cry.”
“Stiles…’
“I… I won’t… I can’t promise… I…” Derek cut him off with another kiss.
“Fuck… Stiles… I love you, ok? I love you and if I ever lost you… I’d go insane. I don’t think I’d survive without your smiling face shining at me every day. Or without your warm heart and personality dancing around on the world we live on. If you were gone, the sun wouldn’t shine as bright, and the stars would all but disappear. You hold everything together. And you are so much more then you think. God, Stiles, you have saved so many people. You are a hero. In every sense of the fucking word. You are the definition of hero, and you are my savior. Please don’t ever try a stunt like that again, ok?”
“Derek, I…”
“Stiles, please.”
“I won’t, god I don’t even think I could even if I wanted to. The way your face crumpled when you saw me… that broke my heart.”
“And you broke mine. So we’re even.”
A small smile played on Stiles’ lips as he threw his arms around the wolf and pulled him down to lay next to him on the bed.
“Hold me?”
And that’s what Derek did. He held onto the boy that held his heart for dear life. He clung to him and never wanted to let go. He breathed in his scent, always wanting to remember it, and nuzzled his head into the back of Stiles’s neck as the boy pushed himself as close to the wolf—his wolf—as possible. And that’s how they stayed, for 3 days, only getting up to eat and do the necessary things. They stayed like that, completely content. And when Stiles had to go back to school, Derek would stay under the bleachers, always there if the boy needed him. He would never let Stiles ever feel that alone again.
And from that day on, Stiles never did.