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Constantly On The Cusp of Trying to Kiss You

Summary:

You can't remember the last time you felt safe with a group of people. You'd been constantly on edge and could never really allow yourself the privilege of trusting anyone but yourself. Until you meet Carl Grimes and his people. You were immensely grateful that Aaron and Daryl found you, bringing you back to Alexandria when you had lost all hope.

But finding your place in Alexandria proves to be harder than you thought it would be. And finding your place in Carl's life is twice as hard apparently.

Or: reader is brought to Alexandria and stays with the Grimes

Notes:

first fic here, might be a short series, i dont know. I wanted to read a carl fic but couldnt find one i liked so might as well write my own right

 

also, TW, implied SA at the beginning and end, no descriptions

+this is more of a reader character intro so Carl isn't in this chapter, he's in the next one

Chapter 1: Blurred Strokes

Chapter Text

The leaves beneath your feet crunched with every step you took, shooting down any attempts at subtlety within the forest. Not that subtlety was on your mind at that moment. Your breathing ragged, you stumbled forward with one thing on your mind: escape. The trees passed by you in blurred strokes as you took each desperate step away from the predator you’d hope wasn’t behind you anymore.

“Come on! You know I’ll still find you right? I know you!” his voice echoed loudly toward you, and you winced at the volume. The asshole was going to attract walkers. “It’s better to just stay with me sweetheart, I’ve known you all your life, you think I don’t know what you’re going to do next once you think you’ve got rid of me?”

You cursed beneath your breath as you sidestepped the knots of roots on the ground, making sure you don’t give him the advantage of catching up to you should you trip. Deep down, you knew his words to be true. Harland was with you since it all started, before that even, and no one knew you better than he did. There’d been a time where that thought brought you comfort, but now it filled you with a sense of dread. I know you. It meant he’d know your every move; where’d you go for shelter, when you’d scavenge for food. You were in deep shit to say the least.

“Please just let me go,” you pleaded, though, not taking any chances by looking behind you. You wouldn’t know how to cope if you saw him just an arm’s length behind you. Maybe he was further, maybe he was closer. You absolutely would not take that chance.

It wasn’t like this from the start. Harland was your dearest friend and the two of you protected each other against everything: walkers, people. But over time you’d find that Harland was becoming no different than the people you were both afraid of. That’s why you’d left, only you didn’t expect him to chase after you.

You both belonged to a group, you weren’t friends with them and no one was too partial to each other but everyone got their jobs done and that allowed you all to coexist without having to steal from each other, or beat anyone up, or worse, kill anyone. It worked for a bit, but naturally, greed is a part of human nature. What set you off was the fact that Harland had exchanged you to another man in the group for food and drinks. Some scum would get you for a day so Harland could eat. And he made sure you didn’t have a choice in the matter. That night, you ran, and Harland lost his leverage. And now he was chasing you through the woods.

Some distance away, a rugged man crept quietly past the trees upon hearing shouting ahead of him. With one burly arm, he held a large crossbow and with another, he motioned for another man to lay low. Now they aimed for subtlety. They took slow steps toward the source of the ruckus ahead of them and squinted their eyes to focus on you, a shadowed figure sprinting off deeper into the woods, seemingly running from a threat.

“I fucking see you! You can’t run forever!” Their heads whipped to the larger shadow following behind you and one of the men didn’t hesitate to stalk after the two of you.

“Come on Daryl, she needs our help!” He whisper-yelled and the man named Daryl reluctantly followed. It was more so caution than a lack of caring.

Harland’s words once again rang true. You couldn’t run forever. Your legs were beginning to tire, and you heart was nearly leaping out of your chest with its rapid beating. You didn’t know how much longer you had it in you to try and escape when you knew Harland was just as persistent as you were. And for the first time in a long time, you begged a higher power for salvation.

But then.

Finally.

Silence.

“How many walkers have you killed?”

”I don’t know- I never counted.”

“How many people have you killed?”

“Just one.”

”Why?”

“Because I’ve never had a reason to up until just now.”

Daryl was quick with it. Harland had been right on your tail before Daryl put an arrow through his right leg. He’d dropped down instantly mid-yell, and once you realized you weren’t being chased anymore, you’d slowly turned around to look at him. He was alive, but you knew it wasn’t for much longer as you saw the two men towering over him.

“What the fuck man!” Harland managed to yell through his pained groans.

“Shut the fuck up!” Daryl raised his bow and aimed at the man’s head. He didn’t want all the commotion to attract walkers, Aaron was already moving away to kill one, he didn’t want a whole cluster to find them.

“Hey, how bout the two of you just mind your goddamn business before I slit your throats-“

“Like you were gonna do to her?” Daryl interrogated.

“What I do to that bitch is not your problem.”

Aaron was just done dealing with the walker when he saw you crouching by a nearby tree. Not wanting to alarm you, he placed his weapon down and beckoned you closer. You’d heard of him before within your community, there was a tall, curly haired man driving around, asking people to join him. Most of your own community, including you, thought it to be a trick, like the Terminus sanctuary was. Seeing the guy for yourself made you think it perhaps wasn’t, especially since him and his friend were currently about to kill Harland.

Daryl loaded his crossbow and pointed it at the man, as you trusted Aaron enough to stand by him and watch. Just as Daryl was about to shoot, you stopped him.

“Wait.” A glimmer of hope appeared in Harland’s eyes, then satisfaction, as if he knew you’d save him, regardless of what he’d done to you. He didn’t think it was a big deal, he’d given you a portion of the food, the trade was a means to an end.

“You need me. You know that-“

“Shut up, Harland,” you interrupted, “Let me,” you muttered, just loudly enough that the two men next to you could here. Daryl gave Aaron a look, but Aaron only nodded at him before stepping aside.

“No- you can’t do this, you need me! Come on- it wasn’t even that bad, you probably liked it-“ A gunshot rang through the surroundings, ringing in your ears as you watched him go limp. Daryl snatched the gun from your hand, cocking his head to the side to motion for the three of you to leave.

“We gotta go. Walkers are prolly coming. After, I need'a ask you some questions.”