Chapter Text
-seven-
“Jennie!”
Jennie turns to see the pretty girl with dark hair waving at her at the school gate. She saw the girl yesterday, when she finally got a glimpse of the girl who moved in next to her. She had been playing in the creek near her house, making mud pies when she felt someone watching her. She looked up to see a girl watching her quietly from her window.
The new neighbour!
Jennie looks up as she waves back.
“Hello!” Jennie shouts.
The girl looks shocked that Jennie is talking to her.
“My mommy says i’m not allowed to talk to strangers,”
“My mommy says that if i tell you my name, we’re not strangers anymore! I’m Jennie. What's your name?”
“Chaeyoung,” Chaeyoung giggles.
“We’re friends now! Wanna come and play?”
Chaeyoung looks behind her, and asks someone in her home a question. A rough male voice yells back.
It was sharp in intensity, and even Jennie flinched from where she was.
Chaeyoung shook her head quietly.
“Maybe tomorrow,”
Jennie nods enthusiastically, and waves.
Chaeyoung giggles.
Jennie loves the sound of her laughter.
Chaeyoung runs after her, following Jennie to the creek.
She blinks nervously at the mud that Jennie is digging.
“It’ll ruin your clothes. Wouldn’t your dad be mad?”
Jennie shakes her head, even as she looks down at her white dress.
“I don’t have a daddy, and my mommy doesn’t mind,”
Chaeyoung looks at her uncertainly.
“You don’t have a dad?”
Jennie shakes her head, and giggles.
“No, I have a mommy who loves me very much,”
Chaeyoung blinks again, before nodding.
“Okay,”
She squats down beside Jennie, digging her hands into the mud and following Jennie’s example of shaping it into a ball.
“Let’s play pirates!” Jennie exclaims.
“I’ll have a boat on here, on this part of the creek, and you’ll have yours there!”
The sound of two little girls playing echoes through the woods, tinkling and bright.
-eight-
It's the first day of school, and Jennie is so excited. She has been on a holiday to Korea with her mother, visiting her grandparents, and she hasn’t seen Chaeyoung in weeks.
Her hands grip tightly on the box wrapped messily with snowmen dancing against a white background, the words ‘Happy Birthday Chaeyoung!’ written with childish handwriting.
The school bell rings, and the familiar tune of the anthem plays.
It wasn’t like Chaeyoung to be late.
The teacher asks them to sit down, and even as Jennie pulls open her textbook, flipping to the page filled with addition problems Jennie has yet to figure out, the desk where she had set the gift was empty.
Jennie frowns.
Where is she? Chaeyoung always helps me with Math, but she's not here.
A thought occurs to Jennie.
Chaeyoung was Korean too.
What if she went away to look for Jennie in Korea, and got stuck, maybe trying to bring Jennie’s favourite candies home, because the airport security were meanies and hated yummy food, like grown-ups always did.
Jennie’s heart hammers.
She goes to look for Chaeyoung after school, presses the doorbell, and waits expectantly.
No answer.
She runs to her backyard, craning her neck to peer at Chaeyoung’s window. The lights were on, but when she yelled ‘Chaeyoung’, no one replied. She frowned.
She went home, and showered, and when she was eating dinner, she asked her mommy about Chaeyoung.
“She’s probably sick, Jennie-ya, that’s probably all there is,”
Jennie recognises the tone that her mommy uses, the one that grownups use when they think that children can’t handle it.
Jennie can! Jennie’s eight now, she’s so old already, she’s almost ten!
But the look on her mom’s face scares her.
She’ll wait till tomorrow.
Chaeyoung comes in late the next day, dark shadows under her eyes.
She wears a hoodie and her favourite pink pants.
Jennie grins, and hands her friend the gift she had stashed under her desk the day before.
Chaeyoung unwraps the gift slowly, eyes brightening at the gift Jennie had got her. It was a notebook, a pretty pink one with flowers all over the cover.
Jennie knows Chaeyoung likes writing, and the pink notebook was perfect for her. She begged her mom for it the moment she saw it, and was delighted when she was allowed to buy it.
“Thank you, Jenn-”
Chaeyoung cuts herself off with a yawn.
“Are you tired?” Jennie asks, and Chaeyoung nods quietly.
“Go to sleep then, Chaeyoung,”
“In school?”
Jennie nods.
“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you,” she puffs up her chest like the cartoon she watched yesterday.
Chaeyoung giggles, and yawns again.
“Okay,” she murmurs, resting her head onto the desk.
Jennie does her best to pretend Chaeyoung is awake, but her English teacher almost catches her when Jennie fiddles with her own jacket to fashion Chaeyoung a pillow.
His eyes had flittered over her, and looked at Chaeyoung, and Jennie was terrified that Chaeyoung would have to wake, because she was so cute while sleeping, and Jennie had promised to protect her.
But the teacher sighs quietly, almost sadly before turning back to the board without a comment.
Jennie grins to herself, satisfied.
She has protected Chaeyoung.
(Later, after school when Jennie asks Chaeyoung why she didn't go to school yesterday, Chaeyoung didn't meet her eyes.)
-nine-
It's the summer holidays, and Chaeyoung is coming over to her house to play today. It's winter outside, and it's snowy, and Jennie’s mother had prepared a jug of tea for them to drink. It was winter, and cold, and it was usually served as dessert-but that's okay, because Jennie’s decided that they’ll have a tea party today.
She had set up her prettiest china cups and plates she found in the cupboard, and a variety of biscuits. The Tim-Tams were her favourite.
The doorbell rings, and Chaeyoung walks in, bundled up in a puffy pink coat and scarf, and as she removes her coat and scarf, hanging them on the wall, Jennie noted her flushed pink cheeks from the cold.
It was adorable.
They spend the afternoon drinking the tea, and talking about school, and Chaeyoung pulls out her notebook to show Jennie what she’s been writing, and Jennie loves spending time with her.
Chaeyoung’s reaching for a biscuit when her sleeve brushes the cup, and it crashes to the ground, echoing in the house as tea spills everywhere, china shards on the floor.
Chaeyoung gasps, dropping to her knees as she scrabbles for the china shards, and Jennie watches as one of the shards cut into Chaeyoung’s hand, crimson spilling out from the wound.
“Mom!” Jennie calls.
Chaeyoung looks up urgently, and Jennie realises that she looks terrified.
“What are you doing?” she hisses, as she continues to pick up the shards, ignoring the wound in her hand.
“You’re hurt,” Jennie points out, confused, as she reaches for Chaeyoung’s hand to try and look at her wound.
“It’s fine, I’m fine, please don't call your mom,”
Too late.
Jennie’s mom arrives downstairs, looking at the girls.
“What happened?”
Chaeyoung stands up, frantically.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I promise it was an accident, I’m so sorry Mrs Kim, I’ll never do it again, I promise, I’ll clean it, I-I’ll pay for you to buy a new one, please, I’m sorry..”
Jennie looks at her friend, who’s shaking. Her eyes are watering with tears.
Her mom looks at Chaeyoung, and tells her gently, “It's okay, Chaeyoung, it was an accident, and it can easily be replaced. There’s no need to clean it up, you’re hurt already,”
Chaeyoung shakes her head, and Jennie realises she’s crying.
“Its okay, I’ll do it, its fine, I broke it a-anyway, its fine,”
Jennie’s mom walks quietly to her, and she opens the cabinet by the door and pulls out the first aid kit. She has Chaeyoung sit in a chair, and she cleans Chaeyoung’s wound gently, pulling out the shard of china and wrapping a bandage around her hand.
Her mom stands up, then, and grabs the broom.
Chaeyoung starts, and Jennie’s mom looks back at her.
“It’s okay, Chaeyoung, just sit down. I’ll do it,”
Chaeyoung sits, and Jennie wraps her arms around Chaeyoung gently, rubbing her back gently and tangling her hands into Chaeyoung’s hair.
Her head falls to Jennie’s shoulder, and her body shakes with sobs.
Jennie holds her tight, and doesn’t let her go.
-ten-
It’s Sunday, and Chaeyoung has invited Jennie to her church.
“There’s worship, and I’m singing for the first time. W-would you come and watch me perform? You don’t have to be Christian, just, you’re my only friend, a-and I want you to come. Please?”
Jennie accepts immediately.
Now, in church, she’s wearing a pretty pink dress with bows, completed with a pair of Mary Janes. She sits near the front, and as she looks around, she spots Chaeyoung’s parents, a severe-looking man and a quiet woman.
As she looks up, she catches Chaeyoung’s eye. She’s wearing a white dress with puffy sleeves, and she looks so cute in it. Chaeyoung looks nervous, and Jennie smiles at her reassuringly, giving her a thumbs up. Chaeyoung smiles back, waving quietly at Jennie.
The music starts then, and as the church stands and the starting chords are played, Jennie hears an unfamiliar tune. Chaeyoung’s voice is enchanting as she sings the melody, then the harmony when she switches with the other singer, and their voices blend together, perfectly, and Jennie is in awe of Chaeyoung’s voice.
After worship, Chaeyoung sits next to her, ignoring her father’s glare.
“How did I do?” Chaeyoung asks nervously, and Jennie feels a flood of pride that Chaeyoung asked her first, and not her parents.
“Amazing, Chaeyoungie. I was enchanted,”
Chaeyoung blushes and hides her face in her hands as Jennie hugs her gently.
She can’t stop smiling.
-eleven-
Jennie’s in Chaeyoung’s room. It's the first time she’s been here, even after four years of friendship. The house itself was sparse and cold and foreboding, and even Chaeyoung’s room was sparse with decoration, only some photos of her with various people here and there, and her school books, but it's the guitar sitting in the corner with the pile of notebooks that made the room homelier than the rest of the house.
She remembers Chaeyoung saving money for a year to buy it on her birthday, and although Chaeyoung admitted that her father was furious with her for buying a useless guitar, Chaeyoung hadn’t listened.
She had spent too long sneaking into the music room before school to play the guitar, and as Chaeyoung had confessed to her once, music was one of the few things that made her happy.
Today, Chaeyoung was performing at the school’s annual Christmas Recital, where she was going to be performing one of her self-written songs in front of the whole school.
Her parents had adamantly discouraged her performing, her father having said it would only encourage her hare-brained idea of becoming a worthless musician, but Chaeyoung auditioned anyway, and when she had got in, instead of being proud, her parents scolded her and refused to go.
Chaeyoung had asked Jennie to help her prepare instead, and so Jennie was braiding her hair into two french braids complete with white ribbons.
As she brushed Chaeyoung’s hair out, a thought occurred to her.
“Chae?”
“Hm?”
“What if you played one of your songs for me now, just for you and I, just to listen to? You don’t have to, but I like listening to you sing..”
Chaeyoung blinks, blushing, even as she nods, and reaches for one of her notebooks, flipping it open and grabbing her guitar.
As she sits back down on the chair, and the opening chords strum, Jennie’s fingers weave Chaeyoung’s hair together gently, as Chaeyoung sings to her, her voice like honey. It's almost a dance, Chaeyoung’s song and Jennie’s intricate braiding.
Jennie could get lost in Chaeyoung’s voice forever.
Later tonight, when Jennie sits in the school auditorium, listening to Chaeyoung sing, she feels dazed.
To her, Chaeyoung is like a siren. She’s so beautiful, and enchanting, and Jennie listens, entranced.
Chaeyoung is beautiful.
-twelve-
Chaeyoung doesn’t show up at school for a week.
She’s sick, Jennie is told, when she musters up the courage to knock on her house’s door.
She’s nervous.
The last time Chaeyoung was sick, two years ago, she vomited in class the next day and insisted not to be sent home. She spent the school day half conscious, barely concentrating on the schoolwork.
Jennie’s pretty sure she had vomited again in the toilet.
When Chaeyoung comes to school on Monday, Jennie expects a tired Chaeyoung, who barely listens to class.
Jennie didn't expect Chaeyoung to come into school earlier than her, sit ramrod straight in class, despite the dark shadows under her eyes and to ignore her.
Jennie noticed Chaeyoung’s hands shaking, and the way she flinched when the teacher called her name.
It's PE next, and they have to change into short sleeves and shorts.
Chaeyoung has been wearing long sleeves all day.
It's summer.
So, when Chaeyoung comes out of the locker room, her breathing unusually fast, it's not hard to notice the purplish blue flowers blooming under her skin, the maroon bursts of colour on her pale skin.
She tries to talk to Chaeyoung about it, but Chaeyoung ignores her.
They’re playing dodgeball today, and Chaeyoung tries, but she is knocked out fast. She falls to the ground on her knees, chest heaving. The teacher walks over to her and tells her to rest, and Jennie catches the way Chaeyoung shudders when the teacher places her hand on the back.
Jennie intentionally gets herself knocked out, and makes a hasty excuse about using the bathroom, and walks into the locker room, where Chaeyoung is.
She’s sitting on the floor, leaning against the locker, her hands curling into her hoodie she’s holding, and her shoulders are slumped.
“Chae,”
Chaeyoung looks up, startled.
“J-Jennie,”
Jennie sits next to her, and leans closer to Chaeyoung.
She grasps Chaeyoung’s arm gently, and brushes a gentle hand onto the flowers on her arm.
Chaeyoung inhales sharply.
“Do you wanna talk about this?”
She licks her lips.
“Don’t tell anyone, please, Jennie?”
Jennie nods, and hooks her pinky with Chaeyoung’s, making an ‘X’ over her heart.
“My father was mad,”
It was one sentence.
Four words.
But it whispered of unspeakable things, of violence and screams and physical hurt, no less on their own child.
“Oh, Chae..”
She looks at Chaeyoung, and realises she’s sobbing.
Instinctively, she wraps her arms around Chaeyoung.
She hates the way she flinches.
“It happens all the time,” she sobs, and Jennie’s heart hurts.
She can’t bear to see Chaeyoung in pain.
She doesn’t know what to do.
So she holds Chaeyoung close, and lets her cry into her shirt until she’s exhausted, and she falls asleep and they sit there till class ends, and Jennie hopes Chaeyoung can hear her unspoken words.
I’ll always protect you, okay, Chaeyoungie?
I’ll never hurt you.
-thirteen-
It’s Jennie’s thirteenth birthday today, and after having breakfast with her mom (and all her favourite foods), Chaeyoung appears at the door, and they spend the day together in Jennie’s room, singing to songs on the radio and writing.
Jennie’s been picking up writing lately, and although she was worried that Chaeyoung would be mad at her for stealing what she was good at, Chaeyoung had smiled at her brightly and instead told her that it was so cool that she finally had someone to talk to about her music.
They walk out to the creek, and climb up a tree, laughing.
It feels like back when they were seven, and small, and played every day in the creek.
Chaeyoung fiddles with her hands nervously.
“Happy Birthday, Jennie,” she murmurs as she shoves a small, neatly wrapped box in Jennie’s hands, blushing madly.
It was a small box, and as Jennie opens it and sees the black velvet box, she knows what it is before she sees it.
It's a ring.
It's a pretty cheap one, made of metal and sea glass, but it's beautiful. It has blue sea glass set in the middle, a plain metal band around it.
On a card in the box, Chaeyoung had written ‘I love you to the moon and to Saturn’
“Saturn?”
Chaeyoung blushes.
“I know it's supposed to be the moon and back, but it's a ring, and I thought it was cute to put Saturn, because Saturn has rings, a-and, I love you more than just to the moon. At least to Mars..”
Jennie hesitates.
She may ruin their friendship forever.
“Chaeyoungie, do you like likeme?”
Chaeyoung looks at her, and she blushes madly, heat rising to her cheeks, becoming redder, if that was even possible.
“I know, it's wrong, and I can't, and I'm a girl, but I d-do..”
Jennie is silent.
She didn't think that Chaeyoung would like her.
Jennie has liked Chaeyoung for years.
She would’ve never imagined someone as beautiful and as lovely as Chaeyoung liking her back.
Chaeyoung mistakes her silence for rejection, and looks away.
“I-i was joking, Jennie-ya. I-it was a joke, it's early April Fools? Happy April Fools Day, Jennie, did I get you?..”
“You dork,” Jennie breathes, silencing Chaeyoung’s babblings with a kiss.
It's a messy kiss.
They were both inexperienced and unfamiliar with the sensation, but Jennie loves it.
Chaeyoung tastes like roses.
They pull apart, and Chaeyoung is dazed, licking her lips, unfocused.
“You taste nice,” Jennie tells Chaeyoung.
“Mmm..” Chaeyoung murmurs, still very out of it as she presses her hand to her lips again, wondering.
Jennie locks eyes with her, and brushes her hand through her hair.
“I love you,” she murmurs.
“Love you too,”
-fourteen-
It's been a year.
They’ve been dating for a year.
Jennie thinks it's crazy.
They always meet at the creek, in the trees.
It's a place full of secrets now.
Chaeyoung has told Jennie many things, and Jennie in return. They’ve whispered sweet nothings to each other in those woods and they hold hands in school.
They have to keep it a secret.
Chaeyoung knows her parents are deeply homophobic, and she doesn’t know what her father would do if he found out.
Beat her, probably.
Maybe he’d kill her.
When Chaeyoung had told jennie that she had said it with such seriousness that jennie knew she wasn’t exaggerating.
She knows what her father has done already.
What lengths he would go to to punish Chaeyoung, or to just hurt her for the sake of it.
They keep it secret.
2 months ago, they came across an advertisement online about an audition from a company called YG Entertainment in Korea, who were auditioning girls for a new K-Pop group.
They’ve both heard some of 2NE1’s songs, and they both wanted to go.
Jennie had asked her mom, and she agreed to let her go.
It took Chaeyoung a month to work up the courage to ask her parents, and when she did she returned with swelling on her cheek.
Jennie was flying to Korea today to audition. Her mom wasn’t coming, and Jennie was nervous about the audition.
“You’ll be fine,” Chaeyoung tells her, as she fiddles with Jennie’s fingers.
“You’re so amazing you’ll get in for sure,”
“Really?”
“Definitely,” Chaeyoung says, and Jennie marvels at the certainty in her voice.
“How about you?” Jennie asks, and she hears Chaeyoung’s sigh.
“I wish I could go, but Father says no. Maybe they’ll come here to Australia, I heard that they’re doing auditions in other countries too..”
“I hope so too,”
They fall into a comfortable silence. Chaeyoung is wrapped up in Jennie’s arms. Jennie’s leaving soon, and they intend to spend as much time together as possible.
Jennie’s watch beeping startles them out of their reverie, and Jennie cups Chaeyoung’s face, smiling.
“A kiss for good luck?”
Chaeyoung giggles, and kisses her.
Jennie feels Chaeyoung’s hands pull at her shirt.
They pull apart, smiling.
“See you soon, Jennie!”
Jennie’s time in Korea passes in a blur.
She spends the time before the audition worrying constantly about the audition, and the time after excited to return to see Chaeyoung.
She used her money to buy gifts for her mom and Chaeyoung, and when she steps on the plane back to Australia, her mind is filled with things she’s going to tell Chaeyoung.
She doesn’t even really remember the audition, but Jennie hopes she did well.
When she arrives at the airport, her mom is there to greet her with a hug and pepper Jennie with questions about the audition.
There’s a faraway look on her mom’s face, almost as if she’s bracing herself to say something.
Jennie dumps her suitcase in her room the moment she gets home, and rushes down to her mom, where she’s drinking tea.
“Mom, can I go to Chaeyoung’s?”
Her mom looks up.
“Why don’t you have some tea with me instead. We have some things to discuss,”
Jennie feels her heart drop into the pit of her stomach.
“Chaeyoung’s father has informed me that you have been in a relationship with Chaeyoung. Is this true?”
No.
No, no, no.
How does he know?
Jennie nods, her hands shaking.
“A-are you mad?”
Her mom looks at her, and Jennie grips the table, white-knuckled.
“No,”
Jennie releases a breath she didn’t know she’s been holding.
“I need you to know that Chaeyoung’s father has told me to inform you that Chaeyoung is transferring to a different school. You are to cease all communication with her, and to never talk to her again,”
Jennie sits quietly as she processes the news.
Jennie wants to do something irrational.
She could run over, right now, and run into Chaeyoung’s bedroom, and she could come and live in her house, and they could move to Korea and become mega Kpop stars, and then they could live out their lives happily forever.
She wishes it was possible.
She wasn’t sure what Chaeyoung’s dad had already done to her, and what he could do to her if Jennie ran over.
It was too risky.
She stares at the tea set her mom was using.
It was the one Chaeyoung broke ages ago.
How ironic.
She nods dazedly to her mom, and disappears into her room.
She doesn’t come downstairs for dinner.
Jennie spends the night with her light on, watching the light in the neighbouring house until it turns off.
2 months later, she gets a call from YG Entertainment and is told she’s accepted. She wishes Chaeyoung was here to celebrate with her.
Instead, Jennie tells her mom, and they celebrate, and Jennie packs her things and goes to the airport a week later, hugs her mom goodbye.
She wishes she could hug Chaeyoung too.
Jennie has only seen her once in two months.
Jennie steps onto the plane, finds her seat and closes her eyes, leaving behind everything she’s known.
The metal ring on her finger burns into her skin, and her thoughts keep circling back to a rosy-cheeked girl.
Maybe this was good, to get a fresh start.