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Sometime after Taemin’s discharge, after his enlistment, when their maknae has finally found his way back to them, Kibum realizes he’s in love.
Or more like, he examines the breadth of his love, looks into the deep and nameless and ever expansive ocean that is how he feels about his members, and comes to the conclusion that when he looks at Taemin, at the person he is, at the artist he is, the sheer adoration that fills him isn’t strictly platonic.
And so Kibum realizes he’s in love with his member.
Again.
When he tells Minho at an insane time in the night, in his dining room, all other lights off and rooms locked, nevermind there’s no one else here apart from them, the other man only nods, hardly surprised.
“Same. If I don’t kiss Taeminie within the next two months, I’m going to bulk up and fight God.” He says seriously.
Kibum pauses. Then.
“You knew?” Kibum whisper-shouts.
Minho blinks.
“I thought we weren't doing anything only cause he was going to enlist soon?”
Kibum turns back to Jinki, the other love of his life. Gives himself a brief moment to be grateful the two men were willing to indulge his slight dramatism and meet at 3am.
“Hyung? What about you?”
Jinki smiles angelically, and Kibum is momentarily distracted. But only until the other man speaks. “I realized before my enlistment.” Hyung says simply.
Even Minho’s jaw drops at that.
A pause.
“And you kept it a secret?” Kibum splutters.
Jinki-hyung smiles again, this time the slightest bit sad at the edges. “We were going through a lot, would be until Taeminie finished his service. I didn’t want to change anything between us all when already so much change was going to happen.”
And well. Kibum can’t fault him for that.
“So I was the last one to notice?” He’s the slightest bit disappointed. He’s the most self aware, he should have known.
Jinki-hyung gently pats him on the back, something Kibum leans into even as Minho comes closer. “We were all a little bit in love with each other. It’s hard to notice feelings changing after such a long time. And Kibummie, you were always the strictest with yourself.”
It’s true (unfortunately). It explains things (somewhat). It's something he should probably reflect on (later). Kibum ignores it for now.
“What are we going to do?” He asks instead.
Jinki-hyung allows his deflection. Looks carefully at Minho, then Kibum.
“We’re all on the same page?” He asks finally. “We all want each other? Want Taeminie? If I get to have you guys properly, I’m not letting go. Ever.”
And well, the line between being friends and being members and being more, they’ve all toed it, crossed it, done a little tango back and forth it for the past several years. But they had kept it casual at the same time, unsure or hesitant or afraid to define anything. And never with Taeminie. At least not Kibum.
With Taeminie they have to make the choice. If Taemin accepts them, if Taemin loves them, then it won’t be for something casual, for something uncertain or temporary. Because Taemin will love with an intensity and conviction and deep trust that to give him back anything less would be a disservice.
It’s scary. Taemin’s first love was dance, and he single mindedly pursued it with unwavering determination for more than half his life. To even try and compete with that, to be worthy of something even similar to that, because surely that is how Taemin would treat his partners, it's the slightest bit terrifying.
Still. Now that Kibum knows his feelings exist. Now that he knows there’s even a possibility of it. Of having Taeminie, of having Minho and Jinki. Now that they’re all established and never have to leave again, safe to explore this thing that lies between them, ever changing and forever intertwined from the first time the five of them met. Kibum wants. So badly.
Kibum takes the leap and nods. Minho nods at his side, grabs Kibum’s hand in his own, Jinki-hyung’s as well, gives a squeeze, looks at them with large pretty eyes full of love and nervousness and determination and budding excitement and the briefest glimpses of hope.
And at their nods, something in Jinki-hyung relaxes, a tentative smile gracing his face.
“Well then, we know what to do.” Jinki says.
It’s harder than expected.
Not because of Taemin, never because of him. But because since Kibum’s revelation, he seems to have gone insane. With love. They all have.
Taeminie is talking to one of their juniors, eagerly showing off pictures of his cats, and Kibum is the slightest bit besotted.
Taemin laughs, face scrunched in happiness, and Kibum’s heart squeezes. He’s so cute, so perfect, so ethereal even when snorting with laughter as he tells their hoobae about the latest adventure of Kkoongdaeng.
He clutches at his water bottle. When he looks to his side he sees Minho and Jinki-hyung are no better off, watching attentively and infatuated and perhaps even creepily, with the way the other idols are looking at them.
Taemin seems to have finished his story because he then turns to the three of them, smiles his sweet gummy smile. “Hyung!”
That’s it. Kibum’s going to die. He doesn’t even know who Taemin’s talking to, that’s how gone he is. He’s been called hyung by Taemin thousands of times. Millions. But the way he says it now, all happy and joyful and the slightest bit devious.
Fuck. He’s in love.
In the middle of an interview, Taeminie sneezes. Kibum only smiles while screaming on the inside.
He’s an adult. He’s a thirty three year old man who got over his gay panic in elementary school. He’s part of SHINee and a solo artist and a variety show star and he is not going to lose his mind because his dongsaeng (who he’s in love with) just sneezed cutely. Can people even sneeze cutely? Taemin definitely can. But also Taemin’s not a regular person.
How did the others manage to deal with this for so long?
When Jinki-hyung has to take a hiatus, Kibum’s the slightest bit devastated. They all are. It’s too soon, too unfair and cruel.
But the future stretches ahead of them, far and uninterrupted, and Kibum just has to keep hoping there’s time for everything later.
Taemin leaves first, with a quick hug and an assurance to meet later, for one schedule or another as he’s been booked completely since his discharge. It’s something Kibum can’t fault him for, is even somewhat proud about. There’s no longer a frenzy to the other man’s work even if there is still the same level of intensity, as if after all this time and all those years Taemin finally feels settled in his skin.
It leaves the three of them remaining in the room, sitting in a comfortable silence while waiting for their cars. When Jinki’s arrives, Kibum is not sniffling, even if he does hug Jinki-hyung tighter than usual.
Jinki huffs. Brushes Kibum’s hair off his face. Doesn’t kiss him because they’re in public and if he did then Kibum would start ugly crying. Instead he pulls back, claps a hand to Kibum’s shoulder, then Minho’s. And really?? Is this how you say goodbye temporarily to the loves of your life???
Jinki can probably read the thoughts off Kibum’s face because he smiles.
“Try and survive Taeminie.” Jinki-hyung says. “Keep him from spoiling the entire album, maybe 20% is allowed. Make sure he eats, and take care of yourselves.” He makes eye contact with both of them. “Both of you. Really. Take care of yourselves, and take care of each other.”
SHINee really doesn’t have a good track record with that. But for Jinki-hyung, for his members, Kibum will try.
Jinki continues.
“I’m always just one phone call away. And it’s not like I’ll be completely absent. Still. Don’t hesitate to call if needed.”
Then finally, when Kibum is still feeling emotional and Minho is pretending not to notice even while he stands closer to him than usual, presence a gentle steadfast comfort, Jinki smirks a little.
“Also, good luck trying to handle Taeminie. Try and survive till I get back. Then we can sort things out.”
Kibum’s sniffs turn from sad to affronted, something Jinki-hyung probably planned. Oh please, he can handle Taemin, he's done so for the last fifteen years, present crisis notwithstanding. Still, he hugs Jinki once more, feels Minho join him, strong arms coming round to hold them both as he presses in close and lets out a sigh. Lingers in their embrace for as long as he can.
So, as it turns out, Kibum can not handle Taemin. Neither can Minho.
Whatever sweet bratty artistic devil baby they’d sent off in 2021 has returned to them as an even sweeter, brattier, more artistic devil baby. And neither of them can say anything about it, not when the sheer relief and comfort and joy of being together again is there for them as well. Taeminie’s happy. Ecstatic even, infectious glee apparent in his expression and the way he can’t stop smiling. He’s more playful, more at peace, more confident. He’s even sexier, if Kibum ever thought that was possible.
It’s all they can do to last through album production, much less concert prep.
When preparing for SHINee World VI, the stylists suggest putting Taemin in a crop top. At his go-ahead they do, and at the first glimpse of faint abs and straight lines and hidden muscle under smooth skin, the barest remnants of Taeminie’s tattoo that they’d collectively decided to not ask about, Kibum’s brain flatlines.
‘Oooh,’ he thinks.
‘Oooh,’ Minho says out loud, right next to him.
Taemin smiles, all sweet and shy, hides his stomach underneath his hands, suddenly transformed into the Taemin of a decade ago. And then the moment is forgotten as Kibum and Minho automatically switch into Teasing Taeminie Mode.
It gets worse.
During the second day of the concert, the stylists (who he’s beginning to think are trying their best to get Minho and him to self-immolate) cut Taemin’s crop top shorter.
Minho and Kibum barely last through the rehearsal, when Taemin walks out on stage with a shorter top, navel bare and fierce expression on his face. Then as soon as they get back and Taemin’s carted off for last minute touch ups or something or another, Minho places his face in his hands.
“Fuck,” Minho says vehemently.
“Fuck.” Kibum agrees.
They share a companionable silence. Then.
“He’s so hot. And cute. And sexy. And beautiful. So, so beautiful. Did he get even more beautiful during his service? Is that possible? How can he be all that at once?” Minho asks helplessly.
“How can who be all of what at once?” Taemin asks from the door. He’s back in his prince outfit, and Kibum looks appreciatively over his fit even as something inside him is strangled to a quick and vicious death.
Him and Minho both jump. Look at each other, then opposite directions when that doesn’t help.
“Nothing!”
Taemin eyes them for a bit, then shrugs. “Okay.”
He pauses for a moment, seems to remember why he came back.
“Hyungs,” Taemin says, and then his lips cut into a smile, gaze fierce, sleek power slipping into his movements, and Kibum will never get tired of seeing the switch flip, of being allowed to see and love both sides of this ethereal being. Watches as Taemin seemingly gets possessed by an eldritch demon.
“Concert’s starting soon.”
Right.
God help him.