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“Thanks for helping me out Andrew.” Aaron says.
He and his brother had been on good terms lately. They managed to forgive each other after lots of help from Betsy and many arguments and talks, and some tears mostly from Aaron but he swears he saw a tear from Andrew, something he denies whole heartedly.
“Not a problem.” Andrew replies, returning to the kitchen after putting the two oldest children to sleep.
“I know you’re busy though. It’s just Katelyn has been really stressed out lately and I just cou-”
He still had issues when it came to asking for help. He just couldn’t see himself as a priority and couldn’t imagine anyone thinking that coming to his aid was a better use of time then whatever else they could be doing.
“Calm down.” Andrew interrupted his rant. “I said it’s cool. I know she’s busy and I know it's hard to take care of kids. I’m happy to help.”
Aaron smiled softly. “Thank you.” and went back to rinsing out the dishes in preparation for the washer.
“Mhmm.” Andrew shoved him out of the way. “Unload, I'll rinse.”
“But I’m already half done.”
“Exactly.” Andrew pulled his armbands off and set them aside.
“Rude.” Aaron said before opening the washer and putting the cups away.
They worked in silence for a while. Then Aaron reached over Andrew for a rag and froze.
“What is that?” He asked, confused.
“Hmm?” Andrew looked back at the dishes. “What?” but that wasn’t what Aaron had noticed.
“That.” Aaron pointed to the thin pail lines running down Andrews wrists.
“Oh.” Andrew put the plate he was working on down and turned so his back was to the counter. “That.”
“Andrew. How long?” Aaron asked, concern was thicker in his voice then he meant it to be.
“Not anymore.” Andrew’s answer was quiet, thoughtful. “It was a long time ago.” Aaron waited for him to continue and when he didn’t he asked, “Why? Why did you do that?”
“It was how I made my body mine.” He looked at his brother. Aaron couldn’t decipher the expression he was wearing. “It was how I reminded myself I still had some control. How I silently told them I wasn’t theirs.” He sighed. “Of course that was all fucked up in the end too. Just like everything else.” He shrugged. “It means nothing now.”
“So you don’t do that anymore?” Aaron had to ask. He had to be sure.
“Nope. I told you, it was ruined.”
“How?” Aaron said.
Andrew seemed to be contemplating how much he wanted to say before he spoke again, “Drake. He found out what they meant to me and decided it would be funny to see that ripped away from me. He reopened them and made them his.”
Aaron looked at the ground. So many things were going through his head. His chest felt heavy and he ached all over for his brother. For the innocent little boy who was ruined at the cruel hand of evil men. He wanted to cry for his brother but knew that would do no good and Andrew would not appreciate it in the least bit.
“I’m sorry.” Was all he could think to say, because what else do you say? How do you respond to that?
“Don’t be. You killed the bitch and I’m over it.”
“Don’t remind me.” Aaron rubbed his palms on his pants. He sometimes felt like he could still feel the blood, wet and slick, on his hands. The thought also occurred to him that Andrew was very much not over it. Not over any of it. How could he be? Not when he could most definitely replay every moment perfectly.
He imagined Andrew laying in his bed late at night being unable to sleep as the ghost of those that hurt him fought to grab hold once again. He imagined him doing his best no to cry or scream or have a panic attack as the memories forced themself unwanted and unwelcome back into his mind.
It happened to Aaron. The memories. His mothers hands pulling at his hair despite knowing she wasn’t really there. It was bad. He could only imagine how much worse it was for Andrew. Aaron suddenly wished it wasn’t him that Tilda had chosen. Andrew deserved better. He should have been with their mother while Aaron suffered. At least that way Andrew would just have to get over the heavy fist and bottles and yelling. He wouldn’t have to remember so vividly the pain as others twice his size forced themselves on him.
“Do you regret it?” Andrew asked casually.
“No.” And he wasn’t lying. He hated that he did it. Hated the sound it made, hated the feeling of it, hated the warm blood that splattered on his face, but he wouldn’t take it back for the world. He would do it a hundred times over if he had to.
“Me either.”
“Good, ‘cuz it can’t be undone.”
“Noted.” Andrew abandoned the plate he was working on and moved a plastic blue bowl instead.
Aaron continued to unload the dishes. This conversation was over. There was nothing left to be said.
Katelyn arrived home the next day looking tired. Aaron was by her side in an instant.
“How did it go hun?” He asked, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Good.” She smiled and kissed his lips. “I should be done with it now.”
“Really?” Aaron asked delightedly. “Kate, that's awesome.”
She smiled at him then noticed Andrew sitting on the soft brown couch in their living room. “Hey Andrew!”
Andrew waved from his spot.
“What are you doing here?”
“Well I was helping, but now that you’re back I suppose my services are unrequired.” He said, standing and placing a book down.
“Want to stay for dinner though?” Katelyn asked.
“Nope. I have to take care of stuff with Neil. We are preparing for another child to be brought in today.”
“Okay, well let us know if you need anything.”
“Will do.” Andrew walked past Aaron and Katelyn to the door and left.
“Nap time for you.” Aaron said once he was gone.
“I’m okay, I have to take care of the kids.”
“I’ve got it. I’m off work today, nap time.”
“Doctors can do that?” Katelyn asked, smiling.
“They can right now.” Aaron guided her to their shared bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep, which didn’t take long at all.